@TiffRox81...I'm so sorry. She sounds like a miserable, horrid individual who is not happy in life. The invitation thing is just rude. To say you'll come early and then show up late without major apologies is rude. To give a half-hearted gift and only sign it from their kid is rude. To be cold to someone simply because they don't do something they way do is RUDE. Like I said, she sounds miserable and unhappy with her life and I feel bad for her child(ren) and husband.
Side note - dudes are pretty smart. Can DH ask his friend what she has bug up her butt about?
@TiffRox81 My best friend and I have definitely been going through this. I suffered with PPD really bad for the first few months of Julia's life. I was there for her when her son was born. I mean, we canceled our baby moon to go spend time with her at the ER when her son was sick. But after Julia was born she was no where to help me. I ended up making new mom friends and slowly more and more of time was spent with them. She needed my help when her sons birthday party came around and I refused to drop all of my plans to go help her set up and clean the house at the drop of a hat. She began to be real hostile towards me. She joined our stroller group and would talk about how much of a hot mess I was as a mom. I began to just ignore her. She ended up coming up to me and asking what happened. I explained it to her. I get that she had a 6 month old, but I really needed help at the beginning. These moms in my group have never judged me and always been there for me. So I do prioritize them first because they have done the same for me.
She ended up realizing how much she had failed me. We're definitely not as close as we uses to be, but we're slowly getting back to it. I think it was just a misunderstanding and maybe that's what happened between you two. And now it's just escalating, but who knows unless you ask. If you feel like this is a person worth keeping in your life, then ask. Otherwise just let it go.
(Btw, this is the same girl who is asking for a second baby shower.)
@FTM53 Ok, I am thankful for some confirmation. I thought the same. Funny thing is her husband has always joked that she's one of those to never say sorry, never admit she's wrong - in her eyes, she's always this do-good'er, so I think it's hard for her to believe she would ever be the one in the position to have to apologize!! Heaven forbid! And I think she feels she "redeems" herself from time to time because she'll randomly do something thoughtful. Like she texted me and another mutual friend the other day and said if new baby is a boy, "Get ready for all Zoe's hand me downs!" So there she goes being the "bigger person." I don't know, it's just so much work trying to figure out where her head is. I wish I cared more, but I kind of don't anymore. If the only way we can have a worthy friendship is for me to be exactly what she wants me to be, that clearly won't work.
@babycakesday Omg, omg!! I kind of laughed that your problem friend is the same shower friend. Yeah, she clearly has some issues!! I'm glad that you're trying to work on things with her, and it's working. That gives me some hope. It is sad to feel you want to eliminate people from your life, especially when they were so important at one point.
It's funny how people's problems/crappy traits become so much more apparent when kids enter the picture!! At least I've found that to be true with some of my friends. I've seen a new side to more than a couple of them. Some good. Some bad.
After starting to follow you on social media and here, I totally want to be friends with you. So screw her! I would just let the friendship go wherever it's headed. I love the idea of asking the husband if you aren't totally comfortable just asking her. @TiffRox81
So, my cousin's baby mama (2nd kid together, not together. We love her like family though.) e-mailed today saying she was having a baby shower, and could we please let her know when would work for us to come. This sounds lovely in theory, but let me break it down for ya mommas! Immediately after reading this I see that she posted a status saying "If I have a baby shower, is anyone actually gonna show up? Cuz if no one's gonna come, like with *****(1st daughter) then I'm not even gonna bother!". Ok so, girlfriend is apparently throwing herself a baby shower. She's trying to schedule, plan and have a shower, in a month's time (or less).(Due early August) While catering to people's schedules. For a 2nd child that is the same gender (1st is 3 I believe), who already has all the clothes and stuff (except like diapers/wipes, lotion, baby wash etc). (All of 1st child's clothes went to cousin's (step) sister's daughter (who is baby mama's best friend). So those, along with TONS of clothes (and all othe baby items) other cousin's daughter was given, will go to this new baby (all 3 are girls). So WHAT is the point of this shower? She even told 1 person gifts aren't necessary... 4 + hours, 1 way, in a car with a (will be)1yr old that doesn't really like car rides much. A couple hours for the shower then drive back. That's a whole lot of nope! (I think she feels like since she came to mine I should come to her's. Difference is I was driven all that way pregnant to have one there. Her drive was about 5 minutes)
@tiffrox81 I agree with what everyone has said, this friend is clearly doing things on purpose (i.e. throwing out the card, showing up late to the party, etc). It is sad to see people you once were close with, fall out of our lives. But that just means you have more time to make other friends that are positive and supportive.
@joberkiser I don't understand why people want another baby shower for second kid if their kids are going to be so close in age and the same gender (even this, both genders should be able to reuse most things). And she's throwing the shower for herself, what the damn hell, it just sounds like a gift grab or just to be the center of attention. I wouldn't make that drive, sounds like a whole lot of stress, I would just send some diapers to her and call it a day.
Maybe in defense of the girl who threw out the card, I hate cluttering up my fridge or things with paper so I always throw all invitations away after I get them. I usually put it in my planner, but occasionally I am dumb and I think I'm going to remember the time. I never do! Just another perspective. She also may not write a card just because a one year old may not appreciate it? That may have been her thought process. Showing up that late without a text or anything is not respectful though. I hope it is all a misunderstanding and you guys can work it out! Obviously I don't know the whole situation and I'm sure there's way more to it.
@TiffRox81 I'm also one who tosses invitations after the event, but I'd never tell someone that's what I did with it! So rude. If it was me that'd be the last straw and I'd cut off communication because it kind of sounds like she doesn't care, and you don't need that negativity because you and L are awesome!
We're going on vacation. 7 days of house/dog sitting. $150 seem too low? She's a college girl. Can come and go whenever but will be sleeping at our house at night. And we're leaving all the booze/food from M's party for her too (we leave the very next day after the party). She "doesn't care" how much we pay her. It's an easy gig as our dog is used to us not being home during the day, but don't want to come off as cheap.
@LDSJM123 As a pet sitter myself, I would charhe 250 for the week, but she is just a college kid plus you are throwing in food. I think it evens out. Maybe leave the 150 and include a tip? I used to get clients who did that a lot.
@TiffRox81 So now that you mentioned your whole friend thing, I'm feeling like my friend only started talking to me because she wanted me to throw the shower. I can't get this put of my head now.
@babycakesday I don't want to make any assumptions but she sure sounds like someone that could have some ulterior motives. Not being there for you, when you were in hard times...knowing what caring for a newborn is like...is pretty mean. And to bad mouth you later?! Then ask for a shower...Heck no! I'm glad you're not getting suckered into all of that. She sounds like someone that could use being put in her place. Who gives away virtually new items when you plan to have another baby?!?
Thank you all for your kind words. It really means a lot! I've always thought I try to be a good friend but it's tough to believe when someone makes you feel bad about yourself! They have a busy next couple weeks traveling (without their kid, shocker) so we probably won't see them for a little while. We'll see how it goes.
How do you regularly travel for long periods of time without your kid?! I miss him when he's at daycare!! I can imagine being gone overnight without him. Why even have kids...(unless its travel for work cause I know many mamas and daddys that have to do that, but by CHOICE?!)
^^^ I was wondering the same. I'm all about a trip or 2 a year with just my husband and I. Or even solo for a girls trip or something. But I can't imagine doing it all the time. Maybe they have retired parents that offer? If my family was offering up to keep them all the time, maybe (?) I'd have a different tone. But that's just not our reality. Working out the logistics to be gone for a long period of time is challenging enough to make me need a vacation.
It's insane. Yes, it's all made possible by the extensive amount of family they have readily available. Right now! Like I said, I think baby #2 is going to be a game changer. Baby #1 is growing up to be quite the pill...largely because she has zero consistency and structure. Each person that takes her has this "just survive the day" mentality so they really don't care about being real strict with her. It's staring to show, lol.
Ironically she posted this flashback on FB today...I had to laugh. So yes, they've taken her on a couple family getaways...if other fam is present to help watch her. But anything else, nope!
@TiffRox81 That just seems so sad. I am all for taking alone trips with DH (we are taking our first non-work related trip in October without C), but not to include a family member because its not the easiest to travel with a little person is unfair. What happens with her second child is not old enough to travel, but her first is, the kid goes on a trip without her sibling?
We are taking a trip to Southeast Asia with C, am I nervous for the 12+ hour flight, yes, and all that could go wrong half-way across the world, yes!! But we are a family and this is our family vacation, it wouldn't be the same without C.
I'm on day 2 of fighting pink eye. This morning a friend offered to drive an hour to squirt breastmilk in my eye because she knows I (sadly) dried up 8 months ago ... now that's a true friend! LOL
I absolutly love meal planning! This is the technique I've found that works the best. It takes a few minutes of work at the beginning but makes for a quick routine once it's established.
Write out a list list of your favorite meals, trusty go to's, and the stuff you make when you want a quick meal. Now take this list and divide it into categories. Crockpot, chicken, beef, super quick, etc OR you could do it by type of cuisine. Italian, Mexican, American, etc. But make sure to keep the crockpot category on either list. I call this the Master List. It hangs on the fridge. Only after you've made a new recipe a 2-3 times and love it, does it get added.
Do do you have a Pinterest account? Have 1,000 food pins? Make a new board, called "To do soon" and add some things that you'd like to try out in the coming weeks.
Decide how often grocery shopping is convenient for you. I like to go weekly. You can make your meal plans once a week, bi weekly, or monthly.
Before you sit down to meal plan, grab your calender and look at the days. Going to be home? Maybe you have time to make something that cooks longer, short on time? Maybe it's a good night for quesadillas, or the crockpot. Don't be afraid to plug in "going out". Plan your meals to fit your schedule.
Some families enjoy themed nights for the plans Italian Monday, taco (Mexican) Tuesday, soup/salad Wednesday, etc. I like to do:
2 master list recipes 2-3 new recipes 1-2 leftover nights
If you love cooking, do more new recipe nights. If you hate it, feel free to put your master list on a rotation and call it good. I love trying new stuff. Be sure to 'shop' your fridge/freezer/pantry for anything that can be used in a meal or to base a meal off when thinking of what you'd like to make.
This is where you plug in your meals to your plan and make your grocery list including side dishes, lunch stuff, breakfast goods, and snacks.
I can now get a meal plan done in 5-10 minutes. Usually takes me 15-30 because I enjoy it and slightly obsess over it. But that's not normal
I plan bi-weekly. It's easier in the summer because we aren't always at our place for dinner so I don't have to plan as much! I have a list of my veggie recipes and rotate those so we (almost) always have a veggie.
I try to plan around what we already have in our apartment but that isn't always doable. I do have a few things I come back to again and again, but we love to try new recipes as well. I do at least one crockpot meal a week, DH cooks twice a week on the nights I work, and I always need something quick once a week when he has his work volleyball league. I have my Pinterest separated into types of meals so I know right where to go if I want soup, a specific meat dish, crockpot, one pot etc. I love doing meal planning but it can be a lot of work! It makes grocery shopping so much easier, and we've found we spend a lot less when we know ahead of time what we're making for those 2 weeks.
I have a Pinterest board "Recipes to Try", "Recipes that worked" and "Pinterest Fails". I try a new recipe every week. If it turns out well, I print it out for my binder of recipes.
Every week, I choose 1 new recipe plus 4 recipes from my binder, we eat leftovers 1 night and eat out 1 night.
I usually dont don't look forward to meal planning. However since we've been eating out so much as we remodeled and moved, I'm looking forward to lots of healthy home cooked meals! But first I need a kitchen sink installed. Plus the dishwasher and counters would be helpful!
@austinjl We're guilty of always going out also. I usually spend saturday nights planning out meals. We do two vegetarian nights, and go out on satursays plus a taco tuesday so it ends up being easy.
But I'm also guilty of forgetting to defrost meat for the next day.
@babycakesday That's me with the meat. I'll buy ingredients I need for something but forget to defrost the meat and then end up getting takeout instead and then the ingredients go bad in the fridge and I just end up throwing away food. Every time!
@babycakesday@jennyleigh16 I always used to have that issue. Now I do two things: 1) I have defrost meat as part of my nightly routine (set up coffee pot, let the dog out, start dishwasher, defrost meat). 2) When I buy it, i rebag it into portions I need. Then if I really DO forget about it, it's in a smaller portion and will defrost faster in some lukewarm water.
I do similar meal planning to @LDSJM123 . To add to that to make grocery shopping easier I went to my standard grocery and went down the aisles and took pics of the aisle # sign that lists out what is in each aisle. I then typed up a quick "grocery list" template listing the aisles so when I write down my list everything is in order by the aisle it is in so I can be super efficient and not miss anything or walk around looking for stuff and backtracking.
Re: June RANDOMS
Side note - dudes are pretty smart. Can DH ask his friend what she has bug up her butt about?
She ended up realizing how much she had failed me. We're definitely not as close as we uses to be, but we're slowly getting back to it. I think it was just a misunderstanding and maybe that's what happened between you two. And now it's just escalating, but who knows unless you ask. If you feel like this is a person worth keeping in your life, then ask. Otherwise just let it go.
(Btw, this is the same girl who is asking for a second baby shower.)
@babycakesday Omg, omg!! I kind of laughed that your problem friend is the same shower friend. Yeah, she clearly has some issues!! I'm glad that you're trying to work on things with her, and it's working. That gives me some hope. It is sad to feel you want to eliminate people from your life, especially when they were so important at one point.
It's funny how people's problems/crappy traits become so much more apparent when kids enter the picture!! At least I've found that to be true with some of my friends. I've seen a new side to more than a couple of them. Some good. Some bad.
This sounds lovely in theory, but let me break it down for ya mommas! Immediately after reading this I see that she posted a status saying "If I have a baby shower, is anyone actually gonna show up? Cuz if no one's gonna come, like with *****(1st daughter) then I'm not even gonna bother!".
Ok so, girlfriend is apparently throwing herself a baby shower. She's trying to schedule, plan and have a shower, in a month's time (or less).(Due early August) While catering to people's schedules. For a 2nd child that is the same gender (1st is 3 I believe), who already has all the clothes and stuff (except like diapers/wipes, lotion, baby wash etc).
(All of 1st child's clothes went to cousin's (step) sister's daughter (who is baby mama's best friend). So those, along with TONS of clothes (and all othe baby items) other cousin's daughter was given, will go to this new baby (all 3 are girls).
So WHAT is the point of this shower? She even told 1 person gifts aren't necessary...
4 + hours, 1 way, in a car with a (will be)1yr old that doesn't really like car rides much. A couple hours for the shower then drive back. That's a whole lot of nope! (I think she feels like since she came to mine I should come to her's. Difference is I was driven all that way pregnant to have one there. Her drive was about 5 minutes)
Sorry that was hella long
@joberkiser I don't understand why people want another baby shower for second kid if their kids are going to be so close in age and the same gender (even this, both genders should be able to reuse most things). And she's throwing the shower for herself, what the damn hell, it just sounds like a gift grab or just to be the center of attention. I wouldn't make that drive, sounds like a whole lot of stress, I would just send some diapers to her and call it a day.
We're going on vacation. 7 days of house/dog sitting. $150 seem too low? She's a college girl. Can come and go whenever but will be sleeping at our house at night. And we're leaving all the booze/food from M's party for her too (we leave the very next day after the party). She "doesn't care" how much we pay her. It's an easy gig as our dog is used to us not being home during the day, but don't want to come off as cheap.
Thank you all for your kind words. It really means a lot! I've always thought I try to be a good friend but it's tough to believe when someone makes you feel bad about yourself! They have a busy next couple weeks traveling (without their kid, shocker) so we probably won't see them for a little while. We'll see how it goes.
@TiffRox81
Ironically she posted this flashback on FB today...I had to laugh. So yes, they've taken her on a couple family getaways...if other fam is present to help watch her. But anything else, nope!
We are taking a trip to Southeast Asia with C, am I nervous for the 12+ hour flight, yes, and all that could go wrong half-way across the world, yes!! But we are a family and this is our family vacation, it wouldn't be the same without C.
Write out a list list of your favorite meals, trusty go to's, and the stuff you make when you want a quick meal. Now take this list and divide it into categories. Crockpot, chicken, beef, super quick, etc OR you could do it by type of cuisine. Italian, Mexican, American, etc. But make sure to keep the crockpot category on either list. I call this the Master List. It hangs on the fridge. Only after you've made a new recipe a 2-3 times and love it, does it get added.
Do do you have a Pinterest account? Have 1,000 food pins? Make a new board, called "To do soon" and add some things that you'd like to try out in the coming weeks.
Decide how often grocery shopping is convenient for you. I like to go weekly. You can make your meal plans once a week, bi weekly, or monthly.
Before you sit down to meal plan, grab your calender and look at the days. Going to be home? Maybe you have time to make something that cooks longer, short on time? Maybe it's a good night for quesadillas, or the crockpot. Don't be afraid to plug in "going out". Plan your meals to fit your schedule.
Some families enjoy themed nights for the plans Italian Monday, taco (Mexican) Tuesday, soup/salad Wednesday, etc. I like to do:
2 master list recipes
2-3 new recipes
1-2 leftover nights
If you love cooking, do more new recipe nights. If you hate it, feel free to put your master list on a rotation and call it good. I love trying new stuff. Be sure to 'shop' your fridge/freezer/pantry for anything that can be used in a meal or to base a meal off when thinking of what you'd like to make.
This is where you plug in your meals to your plan and make your grocery list including side dishes, lunch stuff, breakfast goods, and snacks.
I can now get a meal plan done in 5-10 minutes. Usually takes me 15-30 because I enjoy it and slightly obsess over it. But that's not normal
Let me know if you have any questions!
I plan bi-weekly. It's easier in the summer because we aren't always at our place for dinner so I don't have to plan as much! I have a list of my veggie recipes and rotate those so we (almost) always have a veggie.
I try to plan around what we already have in our apartment but that isn't always doable. I do have a few things I come back to again and again, but we love to try new recipes as well. I do at least one crockpot meal a week, DH cooks twice a week on the nights I work, and I always need something quick once a week when he has his work volleyball league. I have my Pinterest separated into types of meals so I know right where to go if I want soup, a specific meat dish, crockpot, one pot etc. I love doing meal planning but it can be a lot of work! It makes grocery shopping so much easier, and we've found we spend a lot less when we know ahead of time what we're making for those 2 weeks.
Every week, I choose 1 new recipe plus 4 recipes from my binder, we eat leftovers 1 night and eat out 1 night.
I usually dont don't look forward to meal planning. However since we've been eating out so much as we remodeled and moved, I'm looking forward to lots of healthy home cooked meals! But first I need a kitchen sink installed. Plus the dishwasher and counters would be helpful!
But I'm also guilty of forgetting to defrost meat for the next day.