@jlemons-2 if someone starts trash talking TTGP then I think its valid that they get to defend themselves. @peachy13 I lurked for a LONG time before joining TTGP, I felt like I knew so many of those women but it took several months of active participation for them to get to know me. lurking like crazy and occasional posting does NOT equal being an active member of the community. You have every right to want to share your BFP and be excited but its not an appropriate place if your not an active member. You don't walk up to a random person you may occasionally see on the street and tell them you had a positive pee stick? well maybe you do, but most people would find that odd. @anewadventure I love your snark lady, keep it up!
I have another one. I like the girls on TTGP. I have definitely spent some time lurking there and I still secretly watch for some to get their BFPs. Okay, now for my opinion. If you are in TTGP, you know exactly how the culture works and hate when people "walk into a room of strangers and jump in on a conversation" yet here you are. And not even a lurker warning this time. It's not the first time either. She said it was unpopular for a reason.
I count 2 3 TTGPers. One who responded and gave a lurker warning, and one two who just reacted via gif. The other posters are Dec 17 BMBers with the exception of one other from a different BMB. No one was rude, they were just explaining and supporting a community they love that they felt was attacked. They were the other half of the conversation. (Unlike random drivebys who run into the room to treat it like their personal google or AW their BFP in front of the wrong crowd.) Lurker warnings are in TTGP (once again) to protect people who aren't expecting a pregnant lady to walk in the door. TTGP is about community, love, and respect. Sometimes that means letting others know when they're hurting the group. I'm sorry if that is offensive to some, but the people who have been "in it," get it and appreciate it. That's enough for me.
Me: 23 | DH: 30
Married November 2016 TTC #1 November 2016
Dx Anovulatory/NIR PCOS April 2017 50mg Clomid June 2017 BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
I can see where @jlemons-2 is coming from though. I never realized so many people lurk on other boards. I can barely find time to keep up with this one, let alone look through others (to see if I/we are being talk about?) and then respond. So it was weird to see 3 or 4 strangers (to me) pop in here to give their opinion.
My UO for today is that the snark on this board makes me want to stick around. It was so sunshine and rainbows for so long that I was bored and would go days without checking. Having a little snark makes me think "FINALLY, people I can be friends with."
I guess I didn't see it as trash talk. That would be different. I'm not trying to start a war here.
@jlemons-2 I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you honestly mean what you just said. But one person calling the whole board "unwelcoming" and you implying we're hypocritical for treating TTGP and BMBs differently --- It seems trash talk-y. Like I (and others) said before, the rules don't exist to be hateful, exclusive, or snarky. Every rule came to be to foster a tighter community and create a safe space for women who are TTC. Even coming here to defend ourselves, we care about the reputation of TTGP so that when/if you all are back to TTC, you know that we're a safe space and not just a bunch of rude bitches. Wishing you all the best in your pregnancies. I hope at least a bit of this conversation changed your opinions for the better rather than the worse.
Me: 23 | DH: 30
Married November 2016 TTC #1 November 2016
Dx Anovulatory/NIR PCOS April 2017 50mg Clomid June 2017 BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
I will say, when I was first lurking TTGP I was so scared of the flaming. And thought it was harsh. When you become an active member, you get it. I was only active for three months, but I think I got it in about a week. It gets really frustrating to see random people come and use you as Google.
I know that's different than the grad thread, though, but I 100% am for the grad thread policy. I respect the opinions that others have stated and I'm not trying to argue, just wanted to say I TTGP.
@MJDsquared i felt that same way last year in the TTGP threads. i left. i was actually really hesitant to come back here when i got preg bc my experience had been so negative, and my experience on a different TTC app was SOOOOO positive. but, now that this december group has been so great, i'm really happy i am here and i'm enjoying it and having fun!
Me: 31 DH: 32 DH since 12.2009 Married 08.2013 EDD 12.2017
I hate the #normalizebreastfeeding trend of posting breastfeeding pics followed by a million obnoxious hashtags. I have several friends that breastfed for 2+ years and they never felt inclined to plaster pics of it up on facebook or Instagram. They just went along with their normal lives, and in doing so....normalized breastfeeding. I feel like the only thing people prove when they make those posts is that they are sanctimommies looking for a pat on the back.
Momma to Amelia Marie (7/14) and Austin Samuel (11/17). Adding baby (girl) #3 on 7/21
Sorry on mobile and can't/don't know how to tag but I read everyone's responses and I don't think anyone is being rude; I think it's great we can have a convo without nastiness. I absolutely see the point of view from the other side and respect it, my O is something that I think has been dwelling in me for a while, and I know full well it's an UO.
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
@jlemons-2 If any of the TTGP threads ever include one of our members calling out the December 17 BMB ladies please feel free to come respond in the same respectful, thoughtful way our members have responded here. I am sorry that you think we are hypocrites, but I think your logic is lacking.
Yes, I just don't believe that gender is something you choose. Sure, you may not be traditionally "masculine" or "feminine", but I do think you are either male or female (or hermaphroditic in some cases) and that it is determined in utero. I know this is a very unpopular opinion.
Soo...you don't believe transgender people exist? Or you just think their feelings and lives are completely invalid and they need Jesus?
Yes, I just don't believe that gender is something you choose. Sure, you may not be traditionally "masculine" or "feminine", but I do think you are either male or female (or hermaphroditic in some cases) and that it is determined in utero. I know this is a very unpopular opinion.
Soo...you don't believe transgender people exist? Or you just think their feelings and lives are completely invalid and they need Jesus?
I think that their feelings may be valid, but feelings and\or desires don't change genetics. As for the needing Jesus comment, I believe that everyone needs Jesus.
@GraysonsMama So the current scientific research and findings do point to biological differences that happen in utero, down to genetic variations that happen due to the lack of sex hormones. The prevailing attitude that being transgender is because of psychosocial traumas is something that needs to be reversed.
I think that their feelings may be valid, but feelings and\or desires don't change genetics. As for the needing Jesus comment, I believe that everyone needs Jesus.
Well, I believe that Jesus would agree with me when I say: your opinion sucks.
I think that their feelings may be valid, but feelings and\or desires don't change genetics. As for the needing Jesus comment, I believe that everyone needs Jesus.
Well, I believe that Jesus would agree with me when I say: your opinion sucks.
It's not anyone job to judge others for their decisions. If you believe in god, that's it's job - not yours. God loves everyone, right? No matter who they are or what they identify as? It blows my mind that people use their own fear of something different and claim it's because of their religion. It's gross, tbh.
I find it to be my UO when anyone says other people need ____ fill in the blank. I'm Muslim and wouldn't expect others to adopt my beliefs and I love hearing about differing beliefs. I think people will likely react to a comment like that with defense bc it's not all encompassing. Love. We all need love and peace! How about that for a blanket statement.
Me: 31 DH: 32 DH since 12.2009 Married 08.2013 EDD 12.2017
I was not passing judgement on anyone, I was simply expressing a belief that I have. And I most certainly wasn't cowering behind my religion. I am not fearful of others or their choices. My original statement was that I believe the terms sex and gender to mean the same thing. We could get into a religious debate about God's love but this is probably the time where we should agree to disagree.
@AMCsquared I totally agreed with you on that one! I just got so distracted that I forgot to comment on it lol. For reals! If you're not feeling well, shouldn't it be expected that your person should be taking on those responsibilities? I can get in that mindset too, though, so I get it. Also, I really hate it when moms say that their husband is "babysitting" while they go out on the town. No dude. They're watching their kids. Ugh. You still get to do things for yourself!
@breezybee exactly. Oh hell no my dh will not be babysitting. And I also hate when people post on fb about a baby related favor. It's not a favor! Bye and bye. STMs... please give me some hope that husbands still do things to nurture the relationship outside of offspring related tasks.
Me: 31 DH: 32 DH since 12.2009 Married 08.2013 EDD 12.2017
I was going to leave an UO today like about how much I hate all of summer, because it's too freaking hot....but then I read everything that's been going down and it's insignificant....I'm just over here like
@AMCsquared There are so many facets to the explanation of why I celebrate DH for his parenting accomplishments rather than his focus on our relationship these days. Seeing how great he is with DS has deepened my love for him in a way that I don't believe can be fully understood until you see your husband with your child. Obviously I expect him to parent; that's his job as a father, but watching him with DS opens my eyes every day to how amazing he is. Secondly, the needs of a young child are really all-encompassing. While we have plenty of family help around and make a LOT of time to get out on our own, our lives revolve around a 16 month old that literally depends on us for his every need. Date nights are great, but we go back to parenting in a few hours; that's who we are right now and who our son needs us to be. We focus on one another, and constantly work on our relationship, but I appreciate him taking DS to the park so I can nap more than surprise flowers or an awesome night out. As DS gets older, and more self-sufficient, our relationship will continue to evolve and I do believe it's easy to get lost in one's parenting roles, so it's an absolute necessity to take time to nurture your relationship; that just may not look the same as it does to you right now.
Ok @GraysonsMama. I think you're right, this is where we'll agree to disagree. I never have a problem getting into a productive discussion with people who have different beliefs. From my perspective, someone's gender identity is very personal and it's not a biological issue that's black and white. I do feel that when people have an issue with accepting this, it's usually out of fear of the unknown. Thanks for kicking off a good UO thread today. We needed one of these!
I think the TTGP board is unwelcoming, specifically because of the unwritten rules of the weekly grad
thread. I still visit TTGP only to lurk in the grad threads because I am genuinely
hopeful for the people on the board and because I love to hear good news about
BFPs – regardless if you just started trying or if you have been trying for 3
years. However, the rules I speak of basically say that you should not post
your BFP in the grad thread if you are new. I have noticed a handful of times
where this happens... when the poster is deemed too new to share in the grad
thread and gets flamed for it. At one point there was even some talk within the
board to post a flow chart that basically says you should only post in the grad
thread if you regularly post in the daily threads and have been on the board
for at least 3 months. I think it’s very possible to make connections and get
involved in less than 3 months (look at all of us... we’ve only been here since
the beginning of April at the longest, which was less than 3 full months ago).
I think the weekly grad thread is really helpful to people
who are TTGP or who are possibly already pregnant but haven’t tested positive
yet. I used to find these threads super informative. I would literally go back
months and months to find old threads to see what kind of symptoms each of
these women were having right before they got their BFPs, and it didn't matter if I knew the poster or not. I did not post in the
grad thread when I got my BFP despite the fact that I had been trying for 7
cycles (including a loss), contributed on occasion and lurked a LOT. I didn’t
post only because I was worried about
pissing off the regs. I DID want to post though, not to bask in my good news,
but to share my story – whether to inform someone of my early pregnancy
symptoms or to encourage a TTGPAL woman.
All I’m saying is that there is a big difference between a
drive-by poster and someone who lurks and contributes on occasion. I think the
TTGP regs are missing out on learning from people who want to post in the grad
thread but are too afraid of being flamed by the regs. And for what it’s worth,
they flame pretty good. It’s not uncommon to see multiple comments, one after
the next, to try and make the original poster feel as crappy as possible – this
of course is in response to the drive-bys (I’m not defending drive-bys) but
in the process, I'm sure they scare off the sort of-kind of new 1-3 cycles people. The flow chart I mentioned earlier actually encourages people in this category to just skip the grad thread and move right on to their BMB -- like basically saying that if you got lucky within the first 3 months of TTGP, your news is not welcome here. Just a bit uninviting if you ask me.
(Former TTGPers and current lurkers, don't stone me. FWIW, I am honest when I say I am genuinely happy to see good news in the grad thread. I know there were a few big ones this week and it really is awesome)
*LURKER WARNING*
Huh. I seem to remember reaching out to you personally. It really hurts to see this from you.
Symptom spotting is the realm of other sites. The point of TTGP is not to enable symptom spotting. Go to Google and those other sites for that.
Then, spend a little while counting your lucky fertile stars. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you already got your prize. AW the crap out of it all over your BMB. Is it really that tragic to have to be sensitive to those less fortunate?
@jlemons-2 When you talk like that about a whole bunch of people, they're going to defend themselves and their friends. We're fiercely loyal. If you chimed in with something applicable and fair over there, no one would have a problem with it.
I can see where @jlemons-2 is coming from though. I never realized so many people lurk on other boards. I can barely find time to keep up with this one, let alone look through others (to see if I/we are being talk about?) and then respond. So it was weird to see 3 or 4 strangers (to me) pop in here to give their opinion.
But I see valid points from both sides.
I like to keep up with TTGP grads such as @peachy13 and continue cheering them on. Kinda sucks when I see something like this. And yes, we do have feelings, too, because we're actual people just like you who are going through our own, sometimes pretty crappy things, too.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
Re: UO 6/15
@peachy13 I lurked for a LONG time before joining TTGP, I felt like I knew so many of those women but it took several months of active participation for them to get to know me. lurking like crazy and occasional posting does NOT equal being an active member of the community. You have every right to want to share your BFP and be excited but its not an appropriate place if your not an active member. You don't walk up to a random person you may occasionally see on the street and tell them you had a positive pee stick? well maybe you do, but most people would find that odd.
@anewadventure I love your snark lady, keep it up!
@lulu1180 @alysapuggles @Tennis11785 @ChefRamsay @lund I love the hell out of you ladies!
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
I count 2 3 TTGPers. One who responded and gave a lurker warning, and one two who just reacted via gif. The other posters are Dec 17 BMBers with the exception of one other from a different BMB. No one was rude, they were just explaining and supporting a community they love that they felt was attacked. They were the other half of the conversation. (Unlike random drivebys who run into the room to treat it like their personal google or AW their BFP in front of the wrong crowd.) Lurker warnings are in TTGP (once again) to protect people who aren't expecting a pregnant lady to walk in the door. TTGP is about community, love, and respect. Sometimes that means letting others know when they're hurting the group. I'm sorry if that is offensive to some, but the people who have been "in it," get it and appreciate it. That's enough for me.
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
But I see valid points from both sides.
Married: Nov 2015
Team Pink!
TTC #1 November 2016
50mg Clomid June 2017
BFP June, 21 2017 | EDD March 4, 2018
I know that's different than the grad thread, though, but I 100% am for the grad thread policy. I respect the opinions that others have stated and I'm not trying to argue, just wanted to say I
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
@jlemons-2 If any of the TTGP threads ever include one of our members calling out the December 17 BMB ladies please feel free to come respond in the same respectful, thoughtful way our members have responded here. I am sorry that you think we are hypocrites, but I think your logic is lacking.
Married: Nov 2015
Team Pink!
Hey I guess that's my UO! I think organized religion is BS!
from Seattle(ish)
5 years married
FTM and PGAL
EDD is 12/23/17
-- It's a BOY! ---
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1d8448
ETA
It's disgusting to deny someone's identity, and cowardly to do so in the name of religion.
Love. We all need love and peace! How about that for a blanket statement.
Seriously my face right now.
We could get into a religious debate about God's love but this is probably the time where we should agree to disagree.
Also, I really hate it when moms say that their husband is "babysitting" while they go out on the town. No dude. They're watching their kids. Ugh. You still get to do things for yourself!
Completely, 100% agree.
from Seattle(ish)
5 years married
FTM and PGAL
EDD is 12/23/17
-- It's a BOY! ---
PS. It's 2017. Get with the times. Even the dictionary disagrees with you.
Edit: clarity
Thanks for kicking off a good UO thread today. We needed one of these!
Huh. I seem to remember reaching out to you personally. It really hurts to see this from you.
Symptom spotting is the realm of other sites. The point of TTGP is not to enable symptom spotting. Go to Google and those other sites for that.
Then, spend a little while counting your lucky fertile stars. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you already got your prize. AW the crap out of it all over your BMB. Is it really that tragic to have to be sensitive to those less fortunate?
@jlemons-2 When you talk like that about a whole bunch of people, they're going to defend themselves and their friends. We're fiercely loyal. If you chimed in with something applicable and fair over there, no one would have a problem with it.
kater622 said: I like to keep up with TTGP grads such as @peachy13 and continue cheering them on. Kinda sucks when I see something like this. And yes, we do have feelings, too, because we're actual people just like you who are going through our own, sometimes pretty crappy things, too.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18