UO 6/15

katiegeminimoon

ChelK3

Ok, so this will sound heartless, but I freaking hate when people bring there animals into public buildings. Unless it's a service animal of course. I work at a grocery store and people just carry their dogs around when they are shopping and it disgusts me. Like, we have an open salad and olive bar!! Every time this happens all my coworkers go crazy over how cute the animal is, and I'm like don't encourage that shit! 

Annnd second uo because I'm feeling especially opinionated today: I also hate when little kids don't wear shoes in public buildings. Again, I see this all the time at work and I'm like, do you want your kid to get worms? Because thats how they get worms! 

GraysonsMama

@ChelK3 I agree with both of your UOs. My kids have shoes on from the time they can walk, period. Before that socks\tights are on. 

AFM sex=gender, gender=sex. I believe both to be God given physical characteristics of your genetics. 

Amber_Waves

@ChelK3  I can't believe the store doesn't have a policy against bringing pets into the grocery store!  So gross!

KathrynJ088

@ChelK3 I agree with the no shoes.. my work isn't a public building, but there are over 1000 people who walk through the same hallways with who knows what on the bottom of their shoes, and some people just mosey around barefoot! Bleh, makes me gag just thinking about it! 

Amber_Waves

The obsession with baby's sex and regular conflation of sex and gender on this board is really alienating to me.

wabash15

I hate head bands with bows on little girls who have no hair. It just looks stupid. 

jlemons-2

I get unnecessarily annoyed when people come on here and throw out that they were active on their last BMB when it has nothing to do with their standing on this board (new people requires new effort), andplusalso the board they mention is MY old BMB and um "NO YOU WERENT". Hormones man, hormones. 

mrsorigami

jlemons-2 said:

I get unnecessarily annoyed when people come on here and throw out that they were active on their last BMB when it has nothing to do with their standing on this board (new people requires new effort), andplusalso the board they mention is MY old BMB and um "NO YOU WERENT". Hormones man, hormones. 

  haha this is funny.  i get it, though and i agree!  

unrelated, but i just realized i have been a bump member for over 11 years last month, which cracks me up.  i have never been very active on any boards.  i always start out trying to be but then i fall off the boards.  i am trying to do better this time around!  

anewadventure

apparently my UO today is that i don't think everyone needs to be all kisses and glitter on here. 

ChelK3

@Amber_Waves I feel like there probably is a policy against it. No one wants to kick a puppy out of the store though, and everyone just thinks it's soo cute and sees nothing wrong with it. We actually had a dog get loose in the store one time. It was running around, knocking things off shelves, knocking over old ladies, it was madness! And what does everyone do? Catch the dog, take it to breakroom, feed it, and play with it for the next hour while the owner continued shopping, like we were a freaking doggy day care! 

breezybee

I'm sorry, correct me if I'm wrong, but @GraysonsMama, are you saying that you don't believe that people are born one sex and can identify with another gender?  

Kirss

@KathrynJ088 Where I work  I've seen people walk barefoot down the hall. It caught me by surprise, like no that didn't just happen! Then I seen it again, took a pic and sent it to my friends. If your shoes are that uncomfortable that you can't keep them on 9-5 at your desk... get better shoes. 

@ChelK3 If I was in charge I'd be so pissed! I'm not paying people to dog sit.... 

rainbowdashh

Sex is a physical characteristic, gender is not. 

breezybee

Yup @rainbowdashh

clovelyone

@rainbowdashh I agree, but sex is not so cut and dry either. There are people born with both sex organs and some with none. That leads me to believe that gender probably isn't as cut and dry as some would like for it to be. 

breezybee

Gender is the complete opposite of cut and dry lol.

rainbowdashh

@clovelyone I absolutely agree with that. Sex and gender are not cut and dry at all. 

jlemons-2

@anewadventure I'm pretty fond of you personally but you really come across strong. I am used to your strong and frankly awesome personality because I go here. That thread today though, I imagined you felt like I do when I take my bra off at the end of the day. 

ngarciabyu

I agree that sex and gender are two different things. What genitalia my child has may not be what my child identifies with....

with that said (this may be a FFC), I have no problem dressing my boys like boys and putting headbands on my girls. I have a good 3 years of their life where they really don't have an opinion on anything, and I'm gonna milk it and do what I want to do. Just from my experience with kiddos, they don't give a crap what I want now, they eventually develop their own opinions and identities anyway, and I'm cool with that and follow their lead. Dressing my son in blue or girl in pink will have no impact on them, so long as I'm supportive once they start voicing their preferences.

anewadventure

@jlemons-2  i must be an acquired taste. 

Amber_Waves

@anewadventure I have acquired a taste for you. I blame my last BMB, it was 90% snark.

peachy13

I think the TTGP board is unwelcoming, specifically because of the unwritten rules of the weekly grad thread. I still visit TTGP only to lurk in the grad threads because I am genuinely hopeful for the people on the board and because I love to hear good news about BFPs – regardless if you just started trying or if you have been trying for 3 years. However, the rules I speak of basically say that you should not post your BFP in the grad thread if you are new. I have noticed a handful of times where this happens... when the poster is deemed too new to share in the grad thread and gets flamed for it. At one point there was even some talk within the board to post a flow chart that basically says you should only post in the grad thread if you regularly post in the daily threads and have been on the board for at least 3 months. I think it’s very possible to make connections and get involved in less than 3 months (look at all of us... we’ve only been here since the beginning of April at the longest, which was less than 3 full months ago). 

I think the weekly grad thread is really helpful to people who are TTGP or who are possibly already pregnant but haven’t tested positive yet. I used to find these threads super informative. I would literally go back months and months to find old threads to see what kind of symptoms each of these women were having right before they got their BFPs, and it didn't matter if I knew the poster or not. I did not post in the grad thread when I got my BFP despite the fact that I had been trying for 7 cycles (including a loss), contributed on occasion and lurked a LOT. I didn’t post only because I was worried about pissing off the regs. I DID want to post though, not to bask in my good news, but to share my story – whether to inform someone of my early pregnancy symptoms or to encourage a TTGPAL woman. 

All I’m saying is that there is a big difference between a drive-by poster and someone who lurks and contributes on occasion. I think the TTGP regs are missing out on learning from people who want to post in the grad thread but are too afraid of being flamed by the regs. And for what it’s worth, they flame pretty good. It’s not uncommon to see multiple comments, one after the next, to try and make the original poster feel as crappy as possible – this of course is in response to the drive-bys (I’m not defending drive-bys) but in the process, I'm sure they scare off the sort of-kind of new 1-3 cycles people. The flow chart I mentioned earlier actually encourages people in this category to just skip the grad thread and move right on to their BMB -- like basically saying that if you got lucky within the first 3 months of TTGP, your news is not welcome here. Just a bit uninviting if you ask me. 

(Former TTGPers and current lurkers, don't stone me. FWIW, I am honest when I say I am genuinely happy to see good news in the grad thread. I know there were a few big ones this week and it really is awesome)

Tennis11785

@anewadventure - you're like a fine wine!  Acquired taste.  

anewadventure

Amber_Waves said:

@anewadventure I have acquired a taste for you. I blame my last BMB, it was 90% snark.

GraysonsMama

breezybee said:

I'm sorry, correct me if I'm wrong, but @GraysonsMama, are you saying that you don't believe that people are born one sex and can identify with another gender?  

Yes, I just don't believe that gender is something you choose. Sure, you may not be traditionally "masculine" or "feminine", but I do think you are either male or female (or hermaphroditic in some cases) and that it is determined in utero. I know this is a very unpopular opinion. 

Tennis11785

@peachy13 - As a former member of TTGP, I certainly can appreciate where you are coming from.  

I think the disconnect is how you (and admittedly many new members) see the grad thread vs how the members who have been around longer see the thread.  I can understand that you see value in looking at symptoms and etc, but that isn't the intent as to why the thread was created.  For those engaged on TTGP, a really tight bond forms. And so the purpose of that thread isn't to celebrate every BFP  - that's what the 1st tri and the BMBs are for.  The TTGP Grad thread is an opportunity for us to celebrate with those established community members that have given so much to the community. It's for those members that have helped us through the ups and downs and for those who have shared the science behind TTGP.  It's a place to celebrate the BFPs that were really hard to get for whatever reason.  Trust me, we're happy and want everyone to get the BFP; we just don't see that thread as the place to celebrate every BFP.  

lulu1180

*Dirty lurker and TTGP reg*

I’m sorry for barging in to your board ladies but I couldn’t let this go unsaid.

@peachy13 I understand where you are coming from and I know that us ladies on TTGP can come across as a bit intimidating when we are flaming someone.  However, the purpose of the Grad Thread on TTGP is not to post your BFP story so everyone can find it when googling their own symptoms (which I want to point out most early PG symptoms are the same as PMS symptoms).  Not to mention, you symptom spot enough when TTC that you certainly don't need any more fuel or excuses to do so!  The purpose is for us to celebrate our friends that we have gotten to know over a period of months and that we have stood beside through all the tough times they have gone through.  I know the ladies there have helped pick me back up and supported me on some of my worst TTC days.  How well can we really get to know you if you’re posting only intermittently over the course of a couple months?  I don’t expect people to post every single day in every single thread, but to at least make a real effort to get to know the amazing women on that board; don’t make every post about you, reply to others and offer them the support they need because even a reply that seems inane to you may just make their bad day a little brighter.  And if you're only lurking, we have absolutely no chance to get to know you.  And for the record, the biggest flaming will usually be dealt out to a lurker that never actually posted on TTGP, or someone waving their BFP in our faces after admitting to not charting (on a very science based board), or to someone that literally posted only during their TWW. 

Once upon a time, 1/1ers posting wasn’t quite so frowned upon.  But the composition of the board has changed.  The daily threads rarely reach 2 pages whereas the IF thread easily reaches 2 within the first day.  There are a LOT more women dealing with various levels of infertility and a lot of women (myself included) that have been on the board for so long that the monthly grad check-in can kind of hurt because I have interacted with every single person on that thread to some degree. 

All that being said, during every single flaming, you will see all of us tell people that we’re happy that they got their BFP but it feels a lot like rubbing it in the faces of those of us that have been struggling for too long hoping for even the slightest hint of a second line on a test.  The people that have quietly moved on to a BMB without posting understand that they are doing us a small favor and we appreciate it.  

ChefRamsay

@Tennis11785 @lulu1180


@peachy13 why would you even care about "sharing your story" with people that don't know (and likely don't care about) you? The grad thread isn't about symptom spotting, you can Google early pregnancy symptoms for that. 

alysapuggles

@peachy13 This is the UO thread, and you are certainly entitled to yours, but I just wanted to offer another perspective. I think TTGP throws people off initially because with most TTC forums people just jump in and ask questions, come and go, and that's it. It is an intimidating place at first.  The grad thread restrictions seem to make no sense, but after months of TTC and daily bonding with these ladies, it totally makes sense.

TTGP welcomes newbies. They welcomed me, and I spent the better part of a year with them, giving and receiving support during all the ups and downs of TTC. It's definitely an investment, so to speak, but so worth it, and after you get to know the group you understand all those seemingly crazy rules. What you get in return is unlike any other forum I've seen. Ok, I'm done being sappy now. 

lund

@Tennis11785 @lulu1180 @ChefRamsay

AMCsquared

@ngarciabyu i agree! i will totally dress my super young kids however i so please... torture and costumes totally accepted in these clothing choices (i want to dress my kid in a turkey outfit for thanksgiving. sorry kiddo!!!)

ok here's my UO and i think it will be superrrrr unpopular on this community. let me first say, i don't mean to offend, and it's not offensive if you actually hear me out.
part 1. the "Why my SO is awesome" threads have become mostly about tasks related to DS and DD. yes, i think it's totally amazing to see and feel the love that transmits through our husband's relationships with our children/future children. however, it actually makes me worry to see that almost all posts are related to the kids rather than just something that SO does for/with YOU and you alone. i am certainly apprehensive in wanting my DH to keep a healthy relationship with me as his wife AND as his partner in parenting. it's 2 separate categories that do connect and influence each other, however, still need to be separated bc a relationship is still a relationship.
part 2. i totally 100% believe in expressing our appreciation for our DHs and anything they do within our partnership. and it's important to express that appreciation to them directly, too. however, i do not think that caring for our child is something that receives excess applauding. my DH will be 50% of the parental units for my children. we are both the parents and both SHOULD be upholding responsibilities in the care of raising of our children.

rainbowdashh

I don't think anyone wakes up and says "today I'm choosing to be non-binary!" It's who they are and it doesn't have to correspond with the sex assigned at birth.

breezybee

I'd like to second what @lulu1180 @ChefRamsay, @Tennis11785 and @alysapuggles have said.  
The rules do seem a little harsh at first, but for a lot of the women on TTGP, a BFP stings when someone gets one and posts about it after not really participating that much.  Even if you are a lurker, and feel like you know the other women so well, if you aren't actively participating, then they don't know you, and won't welcome your BFP grad post with open arms.  It's not that they aren't happy for you, it can sting a little.  This is just my experience, so I'm not speaking for others, but that's how i feel about it.  I appreciate the rules...I really feel like they're for the protection of people that are going through a rough time TTC.  It's not fucking fun and TTGP is supposed to be a safe space for everyone involved.  I do respect your opinion, though @peachy13, and I understand where you're coming from.

Hmmmmm @GraysonsMama.  At least you know that that's an UO.  That's all I'm going to say about it right

rainbowdashh

Opinions can be wrong.

kater622

Wow this shit is entertaining today!!!!!

also @rainbowdashh @breezybee yes yes yes

jlemons-2

I have another one. I like the girls on TTGP. I have definitely spent some time lurking there and I still secretly watch for some to get their BFPs. Okay, now for my opinion. If you are in TTGP, you know exactly how the culture works and hate when people "walk into a room of strangers and jump in on a conversation" yet here you are. And not even a lurker warning this time. It's not the first time either. She said it was unpopular for a reason. 

breezybee

@jlemons-2 The other women weren't being rude at all - they were just explaining why things are the way they are.  And in a very nice way.  No one is attacking @peachy13 for her opinion.

Pinky917

*lurker warning*
@tennis11785 @lulu1180 @cheframsay @alysapuggles @breezybee

jlemons-2

I didn't say they were rude at all. In any way. I just said they are commenting on this thread and expect different in their own. Also I would never just start chatting to someone in there because I'm respectful. 

breezybee

@jlemons-2  It seemed to me that it was being implied.  NBD, I just wanted to point out that they were respectfully sharing their opinion.