Bring your venting here! - Page 8 — The Bump
June 2016 Moms

Bring your venting here!

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Re: Bring your venting here!

  • Dh is having one of his clueless jerk like weeks. Last week I was really honest with him and told him how stressed out I've been about jobs and money, and that I've been feeling really poorly about myself, and like he wasn't very kind to me lately. I thought it was a good talk, but apparently nothing I said mattered to him much. This morning dh went out all morning by himself while the kids and I stayed home to clean and prep for dinner guests tonight. When he got home he watched his shows and surfed the internet for a few hours. The kids were being crazy, so I stepped upstairs for a much needed mental break (the kids have been non stop this week) and after one minute I hear dh calling for me. I ignored it, he comes into the nursery where I am about three minutes later, dumps poor Nadia in her crib crying and says angrily "I was calling for you. My head is killing me". And he shut himself in his room. Arg! How many times do I have to explain how being a parent works? He wasn't so much like this until last year, but nothing I say or do gets through sometimes! 
    Our friends come in 30 minutes, and I have no clue if he'll even get up. Or if I should even try to ask him too
    I'm sorry, that is awful! Sometimes men don't understand that the option to shut your family out when you have a headache doesn't actually exist. 
  • Dh is having one of his clueless jerk like weeks. Last week I was really honest with him and told him how stressed out I've been about jobs and money, and that I've been feeling really poorly about myself, and like he wasn't very kind to me lately. I thought it was a good talk, but apparently nothing I said mattered to him much. This morning dh went out all morning by himself while the kids and I stayed home to clean and prep for dinner guests tonight. When he got home he watched his shows and surfed the internet for a few hours. The kids were being crazy, so I stepped upstairs for a much needed mental break (the kids have been non stop this week) and after one minute I hear dh calling for me. I ignored it, he comes into the nursery where I am about three minutes later, dumps poor Nadia in her crib crying and says angrily "I was calling for you. My head is killing me". And he shut himself in his room. Arg! How many times do I have to explain how being a parent works? He wasn't so much like this until last year, but nothing I say or do gets through sometimes! 
    Our friends come in 30 minutes, and I have no clue if he'll even get up. Or if I should even try to ask him too
    I'm sorry, that is awful! Sometimes men don't understand that the option to shut your family out when you have a headache doesn't actually exist. 
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  • Dh is having one of his clueless jerk like weeks. Last week I was really honest with him and told him how stressed out I've been about jobs and money, and that I've been feeling really poorly about myself, and like he wasn't very kind to me lately. I thought it was a good talk, but apparently nothing I said mattered to him much. This morning dh went out all morning by himself while the kids and I stayed home to clean and prep for dinner guests tonight. When he got home he watched his shows and surfed the internet for a few hours. The kids were being crazy, so I stepped upstairs for a much needed mental break (the kids have been non stop this week) and after one minute I hear dh calling for me. I ignored it, he comes into the nursery where I am about three minutes later, dumps poor Nadia in her crib crying and says angrily "I was calling for you. My head is killing me". And he shut himself in his room. Arg! How many times do I have to explain how being a parent works? He wasn't so much like this until last year, but nothing I say or do gets through sometimes! 
    Our friends come in 30 minutes, and I have no clue if he'll even get up. Or if I should even try to ask him too
    I probably would have let him embarrass himself by not asking him to get up and just moving on without him. Don't know if that would encourage the bad behavior, though. That's a rough one, if you've already communicated with him what's wrong, I can only suggest keep speaking, and include specific examples of how you felt when he did each thing. Possibly something you've already tried, hopefully he gets the message soon!
    Me: 32 DH: 31 *The old lady by 5 whole weeks*
    Married: 11/2013
    M: 6/2016  E: 5/2018
  • Tawny87Tawny87 member
    edited June 2017
    I really hate the days when I'm literally the only person that interacts with my children. As in I take care of them when they wake up, I take care of them the entire day and evening by myself and then I put them to bed by myself. It is so physically exhausting and mentally excruciating sometimes. My husband is a great help when he is home but he usually works around 70 hours a week, I guess I shouldn't complain so much because I love that he has a decent job, but seriously...!
  • My three year old went to bed with a fever last night, poor thing. After she was in bed I had to stay up till nearly 11pm helping dh edit a work document. She woke up at 11:30, and for the next several hours I spent the time with her on the couch, in her room, and in my bed, trying to help her sleep. Around 3am she fell deeply enough asleep that so did I. At 4am the baby woke up, the toddler heard me get up and started crying for me, so I passed the baby off to dh and took her to the sofa. Just as she was falling asleep again, around 4:30, dh comes with the baby (who is still wide awake), says he needs sleep for work, and goes back to bed. Now both girls have been wide awake the entire time, it's almost 6am, and I've had about an hour and a half is sleep all night. I miss my bed!!!!
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  • My three year old went to bed with a fever last night, poor thing. After she was in bed I had to stay up till nearly 11pm helping dh edit a work document. She woke up at 11:30, and for the next several hours I spent the time with her on the couch, in her room, and in my bed, trying to help her sleep. Around 3am she fell deeply enough asleep that so did I. At 4am the baby woke up, the toddler heard me get up and started crying for me, so I passed the baby off to dh and took her to the sofa. Just as she was falling asleep again, around 4:30, dh comes with the baby (who is still wide awake), says he needs sleep for work, and goes back to bed. Now both girls have been wide awake the entire time, it's almost 6am, and I've had about an hour and a half is sleep all night. I miss my bed!!!!
    That sounds awful! I can't function with no sleep.
  • I left the car unlocked last night and apparently at some point during the night, someone went through it. Fortunately, we never keep anything of importance in the car. My response was a pretty calm, "Wow, thank god nothing was damaged or stolen," and my husband's response was to get angry and inform me that, "NOW have the check the car everyday to make sure you locked it!" I tried to calm him a little by reminding him that this was the 1st time (that I recall) that I've left it unlocked, to which he angrily retorted, "One time too many!! We got broken into!!" Yup, we did, because of my mistake and I own that. I feel bad enough about it as it is, I don't need my husband piling on to make me feel even worse (and small) than I already do. I also know that it bothers him that I wasn't as visibly upset as he was about the situation. I've always taken the mindset that it doesn't do a situation any good if everyone is angry, someone needs to be calm. It doesn't mean I'm not upset, just means that I'm trying to look at the positives and take a rational approach to the situation. Anyway, bad start to the day for sure, just grateful there was no damage to the car and nothing was stolen.
  • I left the car unlocked last night and apparently at some point during the night, someone went through it. Fortunately, we never keep anything of importance in the car. My response was a pretty calm, "Wow, thank god nothing was damaged or stolen," and my husband's response was to get angry and inform me that, "NOW have the check the car everyday to make sure you locked it!" I tried to calm him a little by reminding him that this was the 1st time (that I recall) that I've left it unlocked, to which he angrily retorted, "One time too many!! We got broken into!!" Yup, we did, because of my mistake and I own that. I feel bad enough about it as it is, I don't need my husband piling on to make me feel even worse (and small) than I already do. I also know that it bothers him that I wasn't as visibly upset as he was about the situation. I've always taken the mindset that it doesn't do a situation any good if everyone is angry, someone needs to be calm. It doesn't mean I'm not upset, just means that I'm trying to look at the positives and take a rational approach to the situation. Anyway, bad start to the day for sure, just grateful there was no damage to the car and nothing was stolen.
    Sorry! We all make mistakes, I'm glad nothing was damaged. Hopefully he will cool off and not make a big deal out of it anymore. It can be so hard to stay positive when your spouse is focusing on the negative. 
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  • I left the car unlocked last night and apparently at some point during the night, someone went through it. Fortunately, we never keep anything of importance in the car. My response was a pretty calm, "Wow, thank god nothing was damaged or stolen," and my husband's response was to get angry and inform me that, "NOW have the check the car everyday to make sure you locked it!" I tried to calm him a little by reminding him that this was the 1st time (that I recall) that I've left it unlocked, to which he angrily retorted, "One time too many!! We got broken into!!" Yup, we did, because of my mistake and I own that. I feel bad enough about it as it is, I don't need my husband piling on to make me feel even worse (and small) than I already do. I also know that it bothers him that I wasn't as visibly upset as he was about the situation. I've always taken the mindset that it doesn't do a situation any good if everyone is angry, someone needs to be calm. It doesn't mean I'm not upset, just means that I'm trying to look at the positives and take a rational approach to the situation. Anyway, bad start to the day for sure, just grateful there was no damage to the car and nothing was stolen.
    I'm sorry he's giving you such a hard time, we all make mistakes! I forget to lock my car allllll the time! 
    Me (31) & DH (32)
    Married 9/27/2014
    DD Born 6/23/16
    Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
    Knottie1446346165
  • Better to leave it unlocked with no valuables than locked with valuables. He probably just feels vulnerable. I had something similar happen and more than anything the feeling of being powerless and exposed bothered me. I hope he gets over it and can see the positive soon.
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • edited June 2017
    Another vent for today! I'm finally getting my husband's wedding ring made and a few weeks ago I went in to the jeweller to go over the design and all that jazz. It was originally promised for last weekend but it wasn't ready yet. I just got off the phone with the jeweller to see if it was ready for pick-up and apparently they made a big mistake on the ring sooo now they have to start all over. I was really hoping to give it to him before our family all comes next weekend or to give it to him on Father's Day BUT now I have to wait another 2 weeks.  :|
  • It's a record day of venting for me today...or I'm just in a pissy mood. My husband texted me to say that he was going to get drinks with a buddy after work today. Keep in mind that he went out to a concert with his buddies last Friday as well and I ended up having to do everything Saturday because he essentially wanted a "day off" to recover (not happening this time, no sir). He says he'll be home early but anytime he has ever (and I do me ever ) said that, he's come home at like 10 or 11pm. I'm too tired to deal with it, the bright side is I get to order in tonight and have a quiet evening after Damien goes to bed. Silver lining!
  • It's a record day of venting for me today...or I'm just in a pissy mood. My husband texted me to say that he was going to get drinks with a buddy after work today. Keep in mind that he went out to a concert with his buddies last Friday as well and I ended up having to do everything Saturday because he essentially wanted a "day off" to recover (not happening this time, no sir). He says he'll be home early but anytime he has ever (and I do me ever ) said that, he's come home at like 10 or 11pm. I'm too tired to deal with it, the bright side is I get to order in tonight and have a quiet evening after Damien goes to bed. Silver lining!
    Enjoy the alone time and try not to worry about tomorrow before it's here. Sometimes a quiet Friday in is rejuvenating
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  • So we're flying cross country for the first time with Jackie this week. If that wasn't stressful enough, I had to ask my boss, who I just started working for, for more time off than I had vacation time to cover. I picked out our flights. I am planning our itinerary while we're there. I arranged who we are staying with during the 6 days we are there. I will inevitably do all the packing. All I asked was that DH handle getting someone to watch our dog. So after much pestering he asked a friend a week or so ago, who said yes. I just texted his wife to arrange drop off and she had no knowledge of it AND says she is allergic to dogs. So now I'm scrambling to find someone even though it was the ONLY thing I asked DH to handle for this trip.
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • meggyme said:
    So we're flying cross country for the first time with Jackie this week. If that wasn't stressful enough, I had to ask my boss, who I just started working for, for more time off than I had vacation time to cover. I picked out our flights. I am planning our itinerary while we're there. I arranged who we are staying with during the 6 days we are there. I will inevitably do all the packing. All I asked was that DH handle getting someone to watch our dog. So after much pestering he asked a friend a week or so ago, who said yes. I just texted his wife to arrange drop off and she had no knowledge of it AND says she is allergic to dogs. So now I'm scrambling to find someone even though it was the ONLY thing I asked DH to handle for this trip.
    That sounds so annoying! My husband is like your husbands friend. I always find stuff out when his friends wives text me! Good luck finding a dog sitter.
  • meggyme said:
    So we're flying cross country for the first time with Jackie this week. If that wasn't stressful enough, I had to ask my boss, who I just started working for, for more time off than I had vacation time to cover. I picked out our flights. I am planning our itinerary while we're there. I arranged who we are staying with during the 6 days we are there. I will inevitably do all the packing. All I asked was that DH handle getting someone to watch our dog. So after much pestering he asked a friend a week or so ago, who said yes. I just texted his wife to arrange drop off and she had no knowledge of it AND says she is allergic to dogs. So now I'm scrambling to find someone even though it was the ONLY thing I asked DH to handle for this trip.
    That is SO annoying!!! If only you were close to me I have great dog sitters 
    Me (31) & DH (32)
    Married 9/27/2014
    DD Born 6/23/16
    Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
  • Luckily one of our other friends was able to take him, but she watched him awhile ago so I didn't want to ask her again and certainly not 3 days before we leave. Mostly I just didn't want to have to deal with it, but obviously that backfired. Sigh. Meanwhile he's on a business trip the 3 days before we leave and just told me he got a massage and is on his way to see a movie.
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • meggyme said:
    Luckily one of our other friends was able to take him, but she watched him awhile ago so I didn't want to ask her again and certainly not 3 days before we leave. Mostly I just didn't want to have to deal with it, but obviously that backfired. Sigh. Meanwhile he's on a business trip the 3 days before we leave and just told me he got a massage and is on his way to see a movie.
    Man, we all need to go on a "group business trip" together while our husbands watch the kids. Then we can do fun things like drink, have massages and go to the movies lol. I'm jealous, my husband was invited to the Google conference in San Francisco which is invitation only, so it's a big deal and I can't get too mad, in August and has to go to Boston to home office in September. All I can think is how jealous I am lol!
    laurendiaz02
  • Tawny87 said:
    meggyme said:
    Luckily one of our other friends was able to take him, but she watched him awhile ago so I didn't want to ask her again and certainly not 3 days before we leave. Mostly I just didn't want to have to deal with it, but obviously that backfired. Sigh. Meanwhile he's on a business trip the 3 days before we leave and just told me he got a massage and is on his way to see a movie.
    Man, we all need to go on a "group business trip" together while our husbands watch the kids. Then we can do fun things like drink, have massages and go to the movies lol. I'm jealous, my husband was invited to the Google conference in San Francisco which is invitation only, so it's a big deal and I can't get too mad, in August and has to go to Boston to home office in September. All I can think is how jealous I am lol!
    Right?! I can barely get an afternoon to go to the dentist! I'm dying for a massage. Carrying a 25lb kid around is not making my back happy.
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    Tawny87adiaz132003lyoash31
  • This isn't so much a vent but kind of an "Am I in the wrong?" question because I'm legitimately not sure. We're interviewing candidates for a position and one of my "lighter" questions was, "What is your spirit animal and why?" I thought it could potentially provide us (interviewees) with a little insight into the person we're interviewing and it's an unusual question and kinda fun, or so I thought at least. I posted about it on Facebook and overall most people thought it was a good question BUT one person privately messaged me to disagree in a way. She said that while she does like the question and the purpose of that line of question, she wanted to share an article with me about cultural appropriation and it specifically talks about the use of the term "spirit animal." I certainly don't want to offend anyone! Is something like this still cultural appropriation since so many cultures (Germanic, Egyptian, Native American, etc.) have used animism and totemism? I guess I figured it was one of those things that since it was so widespread, it couldn't be claimed by just one group. That doesn't mean that one group in the bunch can't be offended by its use though I suppose. Maybe I am in the wrong and shouldn't be asking it. 
  • This isn't so much a vent but kind of an "Am I in the wrong?" question because I'm legitimately not sure. We're interviewing candidates for a position and one of my "lighter" questions was, "What is your spirit animal and why?" I thought it could potentially provide us (interviewees) with a little insight into the person we're interviewing and it's an unusual question and kinda fun, or so I thought at least. I posted about it on Facebook and overall most people thought it was a good question BUT one person privately messaged me to disagree in a way. She said that while she does like the question and the purpose of that line of question, she wanted to share an article with me about cultural appropriation and it specifically talks about the use of the term "spirit animal." I certainly don't want to offend anyone! Is something like this still cultural appropriation since so many cultures (Germanic, Egyptian, Native American, etc.) have used animism and totemism? I guess I figured it was one of those things that since it was so widespread, it couldn't be claimed by just one group. That doesn't mean that one group in the bunch can't be offended by its use though I suppose. Maybe I am in the wrong and shouldn't be asking it. 
    I can't speak to the cultural appropriation, but you could easily rephrase you question by asking "if you were an animal what would it be and why?"
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    AmberLiz99
  • So we are supposed to be flying cross country to visit our family today. Well, as we were on our way to the airport (literally in the Uber) our flight got cancelled. No flights out with Southwest for 2 days. Oh, but they'll refund our money within 7-10 business days... Also, Jackie came down with a slight cold today.
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • @vintagevix2016 I don't know if there is anything wrong with the question, but I think I would have failed your interview, I'd be so baffled haha. 
    adiaz132003
  • My vent is my own fault on multiple counts, but here goes. First, I went to a dentist appt for a cleaning on my lunch hour and they asked if i was pregnant, then said they can't do a cleaning during the first trimester. So, waste of time going there.
    Then, as I pulled out of my spot leaving, I got side swiped and my car wasn't driveable. Arghhh. It was my fault bc I should have seen the other driver, but he was making a turn onto the street I was on so it wasn't like I didn't look at all, he just took me by surprise. What a pain.

    Now I'm waiting forever at the rental agency for my rental car and then have to go pick up the car seat base, oyyyy.

    Well, thank God no one was hurt so I'll stop venting!
  • This isn't so much a vent but kind of an "Am I in the wrong?" question because I'm legitimately not sure. We're interviewing candidates for a position and one of my "lighter" questions was, "What is your spirit animal and why?" I thought it could potentially provide us (interviewees) with a little insight into the person we're interviewing and it's an unusual question and kinda fun, or so I thought at least. I posted about it on Facebook and overall most people thought it was a good question BUT one person privately messaged me to disagree in a way. She said that while she does like the question and the purpose of that line of question, she wanted to share an article with me about cultural appropriation and it specifically talks about the use of the term "spirit animal." I certainly don't want to offend anyone! Is something like this still cultural appropriation since so many cultures (Germanic, Egyptian, Native American, etc.) have used animism and totemism? I guess I figured it was one of those things that since it was so widespread, it couldn't be claimed by just one group. That doesn't mean that one group in the bunch can't be offended by its use though I suppose. Maybe I am in the wrong and shouldn't be asking it. 
    My personal opinion is that people are WAY to easily offended these days. But that's probably an unpopular opinion these days.

    I would definitely have failed your interview too haha but I think it's a very creative question. I think it's important when hiring someone to get a feel for their personality, not just their capabilities professionally so I say to keep the question!!
    Me (31) & DH (32)
    Married 9/27/2014
    DD Born 6/23/16
    Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
    adiaz132003
  • @art+lea2013 I hear you! Men are real pieces of work.

    At least he dares to ask the question, DH wouldn't ask because it's too risky that I'll ask for more than he wants to do haha. He'll offer to do specific tasks.
  • @art+lea2013 good for you for standing up. Half the time I feel like it's easier to just do it myself than have the argument about housework again and then tell DH what I need and deal with the attitude. He helps when he can, but a lot of time I still feel burdened with the majority of the work. And if not the actual work, the recognition that things need done, the following planning and tasking.
    ME: 33  DH: 33 DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • meggyme said:
    @art+lea2013 good for you for standing up. Half the time I feel like it's easier to just do it myself than have the argument about housework again and then tell DH what I need and deal with the attitude. He helps when he can, but a lot of time I still feel burdened with the majority of the work. And if not the actual work, the recognition that things need done, the following planning and tasking.
    Yup. My husband will help with dishes or laundry but will not notice anything. We literally have a giant weed growing out of one of our gutters. It's like are you ever going to take care of that...?
    Lizbeth86
  • Tawny87 said:
    meggyme said:
    @art+lea2013 good for you for standing up. Half the time I feel like it's easier to just do it myself than have the argument about housework again and then tell DH what I need and deal with the attitude. He helps when he can, but a lot of time I still feel burdened with the majority of the work. And if not the actual work, the recognition that things need done, the following planning and tasking.
    Yup. My husband will help with dishes or laundry but will not notice anything. We literally have a giant weed growing out of one of our gutters. It's like are you ever going to take care of that...?
    I've long had a theory about men that unless they're being inconvenienced by something, they won't deal with it. Dishes and laundry get done because DH runs out of cereal bowls and undershirts, but not much else that I see as an issue directly affects him.

    That being said, I came home today to no dishes, toys cleaned up, and a plan to make a monthly chore list so that what needs done is more visible to both of us. Woooh!
    Me: 32 DH: 31 *The old lady by 5 whole weeks*
    Married: 11/2013
    M: 6/2016  E: 5/2018
    Tawny87meggyme26pointrunningfor2
  • So, I actually chewed out my husband last night, gently but it was still a chewing out, because he asked what he could 'do for me' as I sat down once again with my work laptop :s It may seem like just a problem of semantics, but I am so tired of him needing me to tell him what to do while I'm busy with other things, especially work. Take some responsibility and do it yourself. Don't make me tell you to wash the dishes, they're your dishes too dude. And by 'doing it for me' you're just insinuating that it's my responsibility and you're doing me a favor by taking it off my plate. We both have full time jobs, you running the dishwasher is not 'doing something nice', it's cleaning up your mess.

    The phrasing probably wouldn't bother most people, and I might be a terrible person for making him feel like I don't appreciate the things that he does, and-and it's probably just the 50-60 hour work weeks that are causing this to grind on me now, but seriously I have a full time office job and a full time Mom job, I can't be a full time maid as well
    I know exactly how it feels. My husand pulls the "If you would just wait a but, I would do it," card, which is bull. I've let things like a dirty (but rinsed out) slow cooker sit out to see how long it takes and it will be like a week and a half before I give up and do it. His version of cleaning up after I've cooked dinner is to throw everything in the sink. I get that he wants to do things on his own time but when exactly is that time? It never seems to come.
    Lizbeth86artlea2013
  • So, I actually chewed out my husband last night, gently but it was still a chewing out, because he asked what he could 'do for me' as I sat down once again with my work laptop :s It may seem like just a problem of semantics, but I am so tired of him needing me to tell him what to do while I'm busy with other things, especially work. Take some responsibility and do it yourself. Don't make me tell you to wash the dishes, they're your dishes too dude. And by 'doing it for me' you're just insinuating that it's my responsibility and you're doing me a favor by taking it off my plate. We both have full time jobs, you running the dishwasher is not 'doing something nice', it's cleaning up your mess.

    The phrasing probably wouldn't bother most people, and I might be a terrible person for making him feel like I don't appreciate the things that he does, and-and it's probably just the 50-60 hour work weeks that are causing this to grind on me now, but seriously I have a full time office job and a full time Mom job, I can't be a full time maid as well
    I know exactly how it feels. My husand pulls the "If you would just wait a but, I would do it," card, which is bull. I've let things like a dirty (but rinsed out) slow cooker sit out to see how long it takes and it will be like a week and a half before I give up and do it. His version of cleaning up after I've cooked dinner is to throw everything in the sink. I get that he wants to do things on his own time but when exactly is that time? It never seems to come.
    My husband always throws dishes in the sink or organizes them on the counter. All the fucking time that you wasted on that you could have put them in the dishwasher. Mind blown!
    artlea2013egirl102526pointrunningfor2
  • This is why I love paper plates  :D
    Tawny87bankssl1
  • Woke up to find the water is off! There was a pipe problem that is being fixed, but it will take till 6pm. No water all day! 
    Mae will not look our best at church this afternoon, lol 
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