I feel like I spent so many important moments and events in my life worrying about other people and if i would hurt feelings.
Not anymore. My husband's family has a bad habit of making things all about them. They have injected themselves into moments of our lives that don't concern them (especially his mother).
My son was in the NICU for 5 days and the day we came home his dad came over for hours. I didn't want to be rude so I had said he could come. Looking back I wanted to spend time just the three of us after an exhausting week in the hospital.
This time, eff your feelings and deal with it. I'm sick of bending backwards. So no one is to visit the first day except my parents and his parents AFTER we feel we have had ample time the four of us. When we get home no overnight visitors until at least 4 months post partum. And no visitors the first few days. It's time for US to bond.
I don't think I'll email them. I'll just tell people when/if they ask.
@MKRLTX Thank you for bringing this up! It's something that DH and I have talked a lot about, especially as MIL can be rather "involved" (pushy) and everyone is excited. I would say that email is probably not the way to go, but definitely should communicate expectations to close family prior to pushing out this baby. In this case, DH and I have made sure that we are on the same page. He is in charge of communicating our needs to his crazy family, and I am to my crazy family. Good luck whichever direction you go!!
Thank you all for your perspective on communicating needs with family. @delujm0 I will be shocked if I end up BFing in front of FIL, but ya never know I guess! @MotherofDragons I am not a pleaser by any stretch, but for some reason in this situation I feel like I'm going to have a harder time putting our needs first. I can definitely see how after that nicu stay it would have been nice to put your foot down and spend time at home as a new family. @merrylea My mom thinks I should just have my husband relay everything to his side as well, I just don't want him to sugar coat things or leave anything out. We'll see. We still have time I just sometimes feel like if I do it, it will be done the right way... a little controlling at times? Yes...
We have told our friends and family that we do not want any visitors in the hospital and that we want to spend about a week at home just the 3 of us before we have any visitors. My parents are not very happy about it and always make hurtful comments. It's hard to stand my ground and do what I want because I am also a people pleaser. We also decided that once she is born we will pick a date that our parents and my siblings can come to see her but let them know that it will only be for a short time since I will be BF and I am NOT comfortable doing that in front of anyone! We also decided that when we are admitted to the hospital we will only let our parents and my siblings know and tell them not to spread the news until after she is born.
We've just told family what to expect. My parents and family live out of state so they aren't much of a concern. Mil will be in the waiting room with dd so she will be meeting him on day 1 obviously. Fil will be there if it isn't during work hours and dh 2 brothers that don't have kids are welcome to stop by and meet him. Our hospital doesn't allow kids to visit so that keeps most people we know away. Dh wants to announce his birth on Instagram the day of, I wanted to keep it a secret. So I'm just going to ask him to announce his birth and just add a little note that we please ask visitors to wait until he is one week old before visiting. I want time just the 4 of us and I think 1 week isn't too much to ask.
I feel like I'm in the minority here- but I am totally excited for visitors in the hospital. Maybe because my visitors always bring cupcakes.
::Stuck in the Box:: I'm definitely not opposed to hospital visitors, I'm not opposed to home visitors either. I'm totally ok with going to the other room if I need to breastfeed and want some privacy.
I know no one wants to talk about weight gain... but has anyone had a really weird gaining pattern? I had been gaining really slow and steady about 10 lbs by 24weeks. Then at my 28 week appt I had gained another 10 lbs! Today at my 30 week I had lost a lb?? I haven't changed anything at all either.
@EmeraldNC, sending you prayers. It's hard to see your parents this way. It's good she is getting some professional help now. You've done all you can do.
I know no one wants to talk about weight gain... but has anyone had a really weird gaining pattern? I had been gaining really slow and steady about 10 lbs by 24weeks. Then at my 28 week appt I had gained another 10 lbs! Today at my 30 week I had lost a lb?? I haven't changed anything at all either.
I don't mind talking about weight. I have been gaining steadily (a lot) this time around. But with my DS I would gain in 10-15 lb a clip. I later learned that I was boarder line pre E and a lot of it was water weight. This time around it's probably less water weight and more ice cream and taco weight. I gained about 60 lbs the first time around and this time I'm on track to gain 50 lbs.
Re weight gain, during my last appt (28 weeks) my doc inquired if I was sick of the diabetic diet yet. I said a resounding YES and she said "Well, last month you gained 10lbs. This month? 1lb. Whatever you are doing seems to be working!" But you guys.... I want ICE CREAM!
Wondering why it always seems to be my job to stay up and wait for kids to fall asleep on rough nights. My husband is currently asleep next to me and I am trying not to stew in my anger.
Married 12/17/2011 K born 8/31/12 C born 1/11/14 BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015 BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
I haven't tracked my weight gain at all since I started gaining about 15 weeks. I don't feel like I've gained a lot, but who knows.
ETA: looking at my charts, my weight gain has been a bit weird too, I think. I didn't gain anything the first 15 weeks. Then it's jumped around. Going up fairly steady and then a big jump between two appointments, and then nothing at my most recent appointment from the last. My midwives don't seem concerned so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm also in the I enjoy visitors camp. I actually want my mom and aunt at the hospital and my in laws are welcom but will probably have to watch the other two kiddos and bring them up. I enjoyed visitors at the hospital with both kids. I have no problems nursing in from of female family members and with my first I would ask my dad or FIl to leave or go into another room but my second I just nursed with a cover in front of them. Also since I have two little ones at home I'm hoping to coordinate my In laws staying with us for a couple days and then my mom coming to stay with us. My DH will go back to work as soon as we are home and I will want a lot of help this summer. Mostly with the big kids so I can focus on the baby.
Well I guess weird weight jumps are somewhat normal. My midwife wasn't concerned, but did double check it. It just seemed odd to me. Pregnancy is a strange time. Lol
@EmeraldNC I hate the feeling of being sucked back in out of some sense of duty or obligation or whatever you want to call it. Big hugs to you while you sort out what's the best way for you to handle this. Solidarity against the parental manipulation!
Re weight gain, during my last appt (28 weeks) my doc inquired if I was sick of the diabetic diet yet. I said a resounding YES and she said "Well, last month you gained 10lbs. This month? 1lb. Whatever you are doing seems to be working!" But you guys.... I want ICE CREAM!
So eat ice cream, just eat it in moderation. I eat 1/2 c of peanut butter chocolate ice cream every night, or a snickers ice cream bar, or a Haagen Dazs magnum bar. It actually gives me better fasting numbers if I eat it before bed.
My husband went for his vasectomy this morning, and he called me and said there was a spot on the paperwork for "spouse's signature". He had this paperwork , and was of course supposed to fill it out before he went in this morning, but... men. He hasn't called me back, so I'm assuming they didn't give him a hard time about it, but I wouldn't think he would need my permission. Guessing not many, if any of you have been through this, since we're all pregnant, but curious if anybody else knows about this? Side note: I'm so excited to have this taken care of before the baby is born!
Regarding having people visit, we probably just won't tell anyone when we get home. Since we'll be out of state for however long it takes for ICPC to clear, it'll be easy to be home a few days without many people knowing.
That said...I'm having serious anxiety. I'm struggling to feel good about this placement...I'm so worried that she's changed her mind and decided to parent. I told myself I wouldn't get attached, but it's been a LONG match and I couldn't help myself. I just can't seem to help stressing over what would happen if this falls through. ARG!
Well I guess weird weight jumps are somewhat normal. My midwife wasn't concerned, but did double check it. It just seemed odd to me. Pregnancy is a strange time. Lol
I didn't really gain any weight in the beginning. A couple lbs here and there. Then I think at my 20 wk and 24 wk appt I gained like 8 lbs each, which was a little off-putting, but pregnancy. I leveled out after that and haven't really gained too much at a time over my last few. I gained 30lbs with my first, and I'm on track to gain about that (maybe a little more) this time. I have a number in my head that I don't want to surpass, but I'm trying not to be too concerned about it.
Regarding having people visit, we probably just won't tell anyone when we get home. Since we'll be out of state for however long it takes for ICPC to clear, it'll be easy to be home a few days without many people knowing.
That said...I'm having serious anxiety. I'm struggling to feel good about this placement...I'm so worried that she's changed her mind and decided to parent. I told myself I wouldn't get attached, but it's been a LONG match and I couldn't help myself. I just can't seem to help stressing over what would happen if this falls through. ARG!
How is the process going? Is there any reason to believe she is backing out? I'm so invested in your story, I need updates every week!
I know no one wants to talk about weight gain... but has anyone had a really weird gaining pattern? I had been gaining really slow and steady about 10 lbs by 24weeks. Then at my 28 week appt I had gained another 10 lbs! Today at my 30 week I had lost a lb?? I haven't changed anything at all either.
I lost a few during the first tri and then gained 10lbs from 12-16 weeks. Then pretty steady from 16-24, then shot up another 10lbs from 24-28. Like I had 2 growth spurts. I even noticed a huge increase in appetite around 26/27 weeks and now I'm eating a little less than normal.
@krex-2 stay positive! Think good thoughts and put nothing but good juju out into the world.
In regards to weight gain... I was getting the side eye from my midwife early on in the my pregnancy. EWhile everyone else was losing in the first tri I was packing on the pounds. I was up about 39lbs when I delivered her. I shudder to think how much more I'd have packed on had I made to June. I exercised fairly regularly and I only wanted to gain 25lbs. Well I blew that out of the water at like 25 weeks. Oh well
@krex-2 has the EM still not responded to any texts since your meeting with her? I can totally understand your nerves. Any possibility she lost/broke her phone and got a new number or something like that?
Wondering if anyone has some advice. My almost 5yo DD came down with a cold a couple days ago and last night had a brief borderline fever of 100.4 that went back down before bedtime. She has a mild cough and sniffles and has been more tired today. She is supposed to have swim lessons tonight but I'm inclined to cancel them. She really wants to go and is upset. They are only once a week so I feel bad that she has to miss one, but on the other hand I am really worried that she will get bronchitis or pneumonia from being cold and wet/shivering. Not to mention germ spreading. WWYD?
MC Sept 2010 BFP Oct 2011 - DD born July 2012 TTC again since July 2014 First IUI 9/26/16: BFP! EDD 6/19/2017 It's a girl!
Born 6/26/17, 9lb 5oz
I feel like I'm in the minority here- but I am totally excited for visitors in the hospital. Maybe because my visitors always bring cupcakes.
::Stuck in the Box:: I'm definitely not opposed to hospital visitors, I'm not opposed to home visitors either. I'm totally ok with going to the other room if I need to breastfeed and want some privacy.
I am okay with breastfeeding with people in the room. You invade my home be prepared to deal with breastfeeding. Unless, like you, I need to escape and then I will breastfeed in another room.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
Twice this week my DH has made it his personal mission to confront/report people parked in handicapped spots without a permit.
While I agree with him that it's BS that people think they should be able to do whatever they want, he nearly got punched the first time and the 2nd time I was with him and we were kind of in a rush to get a bunch of errands done.
Thankfully the second guy didn't get aggressive at all, but DH is still so worked up about "entitled assholes" that's he's sitting outside to calm down (before we've even gotten home from errands which means I'm just killing time in the car...), and will probably still be in a bad mood about it for at least the remainder of the day.
I I think it's safe to say that so far he hasn't de-stressed at all by moving out of the city (which he always claimed was one of the biggest factors that stressed him out daily).
Well, had my first trip to labor and delivery early yesterday morning. I had severe abdominal pain and then randomly started vomiting. Baby was completely fine and kicked through most of the monitoring. I was given fluids, anti nausea meds, and Tylenol. The abdominal pain is still intermittent but no more throwing up thankfully. The doctor was at a loss for what it could be and sent me home with a "I'm not sure but come back if your symptoms return." It was scary and I hope I'm not back on that floor until it's actually time to be there.
@krex-2 My much younger brother was adopted, but prior to that my parents went through 3 failed placements. I saw the stress they went through, and I can understand your anxiety. Try to focus on what is withhin your realm of control, although that's easier said than done I guess.
@meilay just keep track of your symptoms. I was having severe pain and bleeding. I saw my midwife on a Monday for this. She couldn't find any reason for my issues other than possible constipation and sent me on my way. I went back to triage that Thursday and was admitted. My placenta had started to pull away from my uterus. And now my inside baby is an outside baby. If something doesn't seem right don't take no for an answer in my opinion anyway.
Re: Randoms 4/10
Not anymore. My husband's family has a bad habit of making things all about them. They have injected themselves into moments of our lives that don't concern them (especially his mother).
My son was in the NICU for 5 days and the day we came home his dad came over for hours. I didn't want to be rude so I had said he could come. Looking back I wanted to spend time just the three of us after an exhausting week in the hospital.
This time, eff your feelings and deal with it. I'm sick of bending backwards. So no one is to visit the first day except my parents and his parents AFTER we feel we have had ample time the four of us. When we get home no overnight visitors until at least 4 months post partum. And no visitors the first few days. It's time for US to bond.
I don't think I'll email them. I'll just tell people when/if they ask.
@delujm0 I will be shocked if I end up BFing in front of FIL, but ya never know I guess!
@MotherofDragons I am not a pleaser by any stretch, but for some reason in this situation I feel like I'm going to have a harder time putting our needs first. I can definitely see how after that nicu stay it would have been nice to put your foot down and spend time at home as a new family.
@merrylea My mom thinks I should just have my husband relay everything to his side as well, I just don't want him to sugar coat things or leave anything out. We'll see. We still have time I just sometimes feel like if I do it, it will be done the right way... a little controlling at times? Yes...
BFP #1 9/1999. DD Born 6/7/2000
BFP #2 10/2011. EDD 7/11/12. MMC discovered 11/2/11. D&C 11/4/11.
DX PCOS 10/2012.
BFP#3 1/11/13. DS Born 9/17/2013
BFP#4 9/30/17. Grow baby grow!
~Everyone Welcome~
K born 8/31/12
C born 1/11/14
BFP #3 Nov 2014: D&C January 2015
BFP #4 Sept 2016: Due May 31 2017
How is this for random??? Did any of you get a message or post like this?
@swanbrooner
ETA: looking at my charts, my weight gain has been a bit weird too, I think. I didn't gain anything the first 15 weeks. Then it's jumped around. Going up fairly steady and then a big jump between two appointments, and then nothing at my most recent appointment from the last. My midwives don't seem concerned so, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Big hugs to you while you sort out what's the best way for you to handle this. Solidarity against the parental manipulation!
Regarding having people visit, we probably just won't tell anyone when we get home. Since we'll be out of state for however long it takes for ICPC to clear, it'll be easy to be home a few days without many people knowing.
That said...I'm having serious anxiety. I'm struggling to feel good about this placement...I'm so worried that she's changed her mind and decided to parent. I told myself I wouldn't get attached, but it's been a LONG match and I couldn't help myself. I just can't seem to help stressing over what would happen if this falls through. ARG!
I didn't really gain any weight in the beginning. A couple lbs here and there. Then I think at my 20 wk and 24 wk appt I gained like 8 lbs each, which was a little off-putting, but pregnancy. I leveled out after that and haven't really gained too much at a time over my last few. I gained 30lbs with my first, and I'm on track to gain about that (maybe a little more) this time. I have a number in my head that I don't want to surpass, but I'm trying not to be too concerned about it.
In regards to weight gain... I was getting the side eye from my midwife early on in the my pregnancy. EWhile everyone else was losing in the first tri I was packing on the pounds. I was up about 39lbs when I delivered her. I shudder to think how much more I'd have packed on had I made to June. I exercised fairly regularly and I only wanted to gain 25lbs. Well I blew that out of the water at like 25 weeks. Oh well
I can totally understand your nerves. Any possibility she lost/broke her phone and got a new number or something like that?
BFP Oct 2011 - DD born July 2012
TTC again since July 2014
First IUI 9/26/16: BFP!
EDD 6/19/2017
It's a girl!
Born 6/26/17, 9lb 5oz
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
While I agree with him that it's BS that people think they should be able to do whatever they want, he nearly got punched the first time and the 2nd time I was with him and we were kind of in a rush to get a bunch of errands done.
Thankfully the second guy didn't get aggressive at all, but DH is still so worked up about "entitled assholes" that's he's sitting outside to calm down (before we've even gotten home from errands which means I'm just killing time in the car...), and will probably still be in a bad mood about it for at least the remainder of the day.
I I think it's safe to say that so far he hasn't de-stressed at all by moving out of the city (which he always claimed was one of the biggest factors that stressed him out daily).
@MotherofDragons I'm so glad you got good news!