I remember when I went for the steroid shot's in labor and delivery one of the questions they had to ask was if I was safe at home. I thought it strange
The do I feel safe in my home question has been asked here for years at any and every appointment. They even ask my H the question when he goes. I haven't been asked it once this pregnancy but it's probably because H has gone to every appointment. My questionaire did have a huge section on domestic violence though to ask it every way possible.
@Kipperoo I seriously wonder if people put two and two together that you are asking about someone's sex life... I don't understand it! I got pregnant the month after my brothers wedding, I've had multiple family members ask if this was a "wedding night baby". Umm so you want to know if I went back to the hotel and had sex that night? Awkward.
Can I share a non-pregnancy one? hp_momma's comment above made me remember the assh*ole at our wedding who stopped us and made a comment about "stamina" to my husband as we were leaving the reception. Who does that!?
We got our paperwork for the hospital today and in our packet one of the questions is if we are satisfied with when we are due and if we could've chosen a different time to have a baby. Um what? Why does it concern the hospital of if my child was planned?? Then part of the paperwork for something for the birth certificate asked if I would be married at any point in the pregnancy and if it would be the babies father.
I know some people have explained why they ask these type of questions, but I would have been thrown for a loop, too. It does sound really odd and personal.
While talking to my older child-less neighbor about her recent trip to London after she stopped by to grab her keys from me and presumably thank me for checking on her cat.
Me: I've always wanted to go to Europe and we just haven't had the chance yet. Her, looking at my stomach and hearing DD splashing in the bath upstairs: Well, it will be another 15 years until you can go now!
Ugh. Seriously, lady. Because I can't take my kids to Europe? Because I can't leave them stateside while I vacation? TELL ME WHY A PARENT IS PROHIBITED FROM GOING TO EUROPE.
When connecting with my (childless) boss about how challenging this pregnancy has been physically to prepare her if I need to call out, she responded with "well, can't be too bad, you're smiling and your skin looks great!" My face is flushed from the ongoing nausea, ya jerk!
At my shower this weekend my cousin had the nerve to say, " I'll pray for you for the next one. You've gotta get in there before ovulation" in reference to us having our third boy....... um wow. I was speechless and all I said was "I wouldn't change having three boys for anything. Boys are the best" and I wish I would have said something much better to let her know how incredibly rude she was.
Aaand my first patient touched my belly today. I wear scrubs and a same colored scrub jacket so I've just been looking extra portly up until recently. Now it's starting then be more obvious that I have a big belly. And she reached out and rubbed her hand on my stomach and said "so are we having a baby???". Hahahahaha. I got all kinds of creeped out and said "not today".
@rkstro2 I had my first stranger belly touch today in a very similar situation except I was the patient and the toucher was the medical assistant who was drawing my blood (not in the OB office mind you, just in the regular lab at the hospital when I was getting my pre-chemo labs). She was getting ready to stick me and she reached out and patted my belly and said "what's this?" I responded "a baby?" and then she asked me if I was sure it wasn't twins.
@RainyDays86 people are so crazy. Are you sure it's not twins?? How rude. Also one must be very confident that it's a baby to be sure enough to reach out and say "what's this?" I am tempted to say "my lunch" but then I would feel guilty after that!
@RainyDays86, that sounds like the weirdest interaction! I would probably be too shocked to react if a stranger ever touched my stomach. I'll never understand.
Me: 29, DH: 31 Married: October 2014 Began TTC: April 2015 BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w) BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w) BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
Not stupid remarks this time but why do people I see almost everyday at work (different departments use the same women's locker room) decide to strike up a conversation now and ask me all sorts of questions regarding my pregnancy? Oh AND touch my belly?! Really?! Hello and what's your name, btw? Ugh!
I always found the do you feel safe questions strange too, but im sure theyve helped some women.. The weirdest thing was they asked me right in front of dh last time and i wondered why in the world theyd do that because if something was wromg would a woman feel safe saying right in front of an abuser??
I am all about the safety and depression screeners done and I hope it helps some people. These people know me intimately (most have seen my lower business), so I have no problem answering any safety or mental state questions. What I cannot stand (probably because DH has a soap box about it) is when it is overly qualified with "I'm sorry, but I have to ask" or "They make me ask this" as this makes it seem like these topics are taboo and the person asking doesn't want to know your true answer. Also, when the question is asked in a positive leading way like "So, you feel safe at home?" or "You are not experiencing any depression, right?" If you do not feel safe or are having issues with depression, you not only have to answer the question, but you also have to correct the person asking. Sorry. Apparently I have taken on DH's soapbox.
I am all about the safety and depression screeners done and I hope it helps some people. These people know me intimately (most have seen my lower business), so I have no problem answering any safety or mental state questions. What I cannot stand (probably because DH has a soap box about it) is when it is overly qualified with "I'm sorry, but I have to ask" or "They make me ask this" as this makes it seem like these topics are taboo and the person asking doesn't want to know your true answer. Also, when the question is asked in a positive leading way like "So, you feel safe at home?" or "You are not experiencing any depression, right?" If you do not feel safe or are having issues with depression, you not only have to answer the question, but you also have to correct the person asking. Sorry. Apparently I have taken on DH's soapbox.
I agree with all of this. Of course most people's answers are that they are safe and not depressed, but if you're trying to find the people who need help (and that's the point of these questions!) then you should ask them in a straightforward and unbiased manner, not "you are not experiencing depression, right?" The person who is unsafe and/or experiencing depression is going to be biased to say "no" when asked, even though the answer is "yes". Don't bias them further with the way you question them.
If one more person asks me if we're having triplets I am going to scream. I've already warned my husband since he is a major conflict avoider. It's not helping my GD fears of a huge baby to have so many people jump to triplets. At least have the decency to ask twins if your going to be in my business anyway....or better yet just tell me I'm glowing, smile, and walk away.
Not necessarily stupid but it just made me shake my head. I was doing some solo shopping and one of the employees was giving out food samples. I was not in the mood for any and as I walked by minding my own business, he gets my attention then notices my belly and asks, would the two of you like a sample?
At my shower this weekend my cousin had the nerve to say, " I'll pray for you for the next one. You've gotta get in there before ovulation" in reference to us having our third boy....... um wow. I was speechless and all I said was "I wouldn't change having three boys for anything. Boys are the best" and I wish I would have said something much better to let her know how incredibly rude she was.
I'm an all boy mom too. I'm surprised I've never heard the "before ovulation" line before. I LOVE having all boys and wouldn't dare even dreaming of changing it.
TW! You are absolutely right. I know a woman whose sister worked in a hospital. Her co-workers saw her for the last time as a patient when she came in the emergency room as a victim of an attack that she did not survive. Her husband beat her to death with a blunt object. There were many warning signs that prompted her co-workers and her sister to start a program to educate hospital staff of warning signs of domestic abuse and tactics that could potentially save lives. It's used around our state now!
No one has really made any stupid comments except the women on my bowling league. I've been hearing each week how huge I am and they all keep asking how much longer I have. Less than 2 months... then they ask if there is only one.
I really don't think my belly is THAT big. I mean I've seen women at 38-40 weeks and you can tell a huge difference between that and 32 weeks in terms of how close you are.
A woman at my work today yelled my name down the hall, when i turned around she was holding onto her belly and making fun of my waddle. I went in the bathroom and cried, I couldn't even respond. I have SPD and it hurts really bad to walk at all, the waddling makes it somewhat manageable as its i guess overcompensating for the pain in my pubic area.
A woman at my work today yelled my name down the hall, when i turned around she was holding onto her belly and making fun of my waddle. I went in the bathroom and cried, I couldn't even respond. I have SPD and it hurts really bad to walk at all, the waddling makes it somewhat manageable as its i guess overcompensating for the pain in my pubic area.
@fbmandy55 congratulations on still bowling. My husband and I decided not to this year as we knew I was pregnant just before league started. @BeachMommy2B I'm so sorry people are being insensitive to you in regards to your walking. I have adopted a waddle as well at certain times. My vulva vagina lips whatever are so swollen with this pregnancy that it hurts to walk normal and people have started to comment also when I have to pee I'm more waddle than normal and I just hapen to need to pee constantly. Hopefully you can let this person know they offended you soon.
A woman at my work today yelled my name down the hall, when i turned around she was holding onto her belly and making fun of my waddle. I went in the bathroom and cried, I couldn't even respond. I have SPD and it hurts really bad to walk at all, the waddling makes it somewhat manageable as its i guess overcompensating for the pain in my pubic area.
As a fellow SPD-sufferer, I am crying with you. I did have a couple of people at work see me walk and say something like, "aw, how are you doing? I know that walk," and it was done in a nice, empathetic way. So very different, even if they don't know that the reason I waddle this much is SPD. But to mock you? That is SO so so so so bad.
@fbmandy55 congratulations on still bowling. My husband and I decided not to this year as we knew I was pregnant just before league started. @BeachMommy2B I'm so sorry people are being insensitive to you in regards to your walking. I have adopted a waddle as well at certain times. My vulva vagina lips whatever are so swollen with this pregnancy that it hurts to walk normal and people have started to comment also when I have to pee I'm more waddle than normal and I just hapen to need to pee constantly. Hopefully you can let this person know they offended you soon.
Yeah it might not be a bad idea to tell her that you have a medical condition that makes walking extremely painful--worse than a typical pregnancy, and that immobility is psychologically really hard on people with this condition. So being mocked for it adds insult to injury (literally). Both of my prior two pregnancies and probably this one soon, I felt really upset psychologically because of the pain. So I can see why you'd cry after this happened!
Thanks everyone, I was so stunned and caught off guard by it. Luckily I only see this women in a very rare occasion. I probably won't go out of my way to get over to her side of the building, but I will say something if I see her again.
@pshaortao I laughed so loud when I saw your comment about the glitter! I needed that one!
I am all about the safety and depression screeners done and I hope it helps some people. These people know me intimately (most have seen my lower business), so I have no problem answering any safety or mental state questions. What I cannot stand (probably because DH has a soap box about it) is when it is overly qualified with "I'm sorry, but I have to ask" or "They make me ask this" as this makes it seem like these topics are taboo and the person asking doesn't want to know your true answer. Also, when the question is asked in a positive leading way like "So, you feel safe at home?" or "You are not experiencing any depression, right?" If you do not feel safe or are having issues with depression, you not only have to answer the question, but you also have to correct the person asking. Sorry. Apparently I have taken on DH's soapbox.
I agree with all of this. Of course most people's answers are that they are safe and not depressed, but if you're trying to find the people who need help (and that's the point of these questions!) then you should ask them in a straightforward and unbiased manner, not "you are not experiencing depression, right?" The person who is unsafe and/or experiencing depression is going to be biased to say "no" when asked, even though the answer is "yes". Don't bias them further with the way you question them.
I'm really surprised that this is the way women in the US are asked/treated, last pregnancy when I was asked DH was with me, they asked him to leave the room while they gently asked "is everything ok at home, do you feel you are in any danger?" Then gave me a questionaire that was questions like "in the last week have you been upset for seemingly no reason, strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree"
This time DH wasn't with me so it was just done in the course of the appointment, but it was still approached gently and pointedly, emphasis was made in how important it was to answer honestly.
Me - 22 | DH - 32 | Married - 24 May 2014 DS - January 2014
TTC#2 - December 2015
BFP - 6 March 2016 | MC Confirmed - 21 March 2016 TTCAL | April 2016 CP | June 2016 CP | July 2016
I am all about the safety and depression screeners done and I hope it helps some people. These people know me intimately (most have seen my lower business), so I have no problem answering any safety or mental state questions. What I cannot stand (probably because DH has a soap box about it) is when it is overly qualified with "I'm sorry, but I have to ask" or "They make me ask this" as this makes it seem like these topics are taboo and the person asking doesn't want to know your true answer. Also, when the question is asked in a positive leading way like "So, you feel safe at home?" or "You are not experiencing any depression, right?" If you do not feel safe or are having issues with depression, you not only have to answer the question, but you also have to correct the person asking. Sorry. Apparently I have taken on DH's soapbox.
I agree with all of this. Of course most people's answers are that they are safe and not depressed, but if you're trying to find the people who need help (and that's the point of these questions!) then you should ask them in a straightforward and unbiased manner, not "you are not experiencing depression, right?" The person who is unsafe and/or experiencing depression is going to be biased to say "no" when asked, even though the answer is "yes". Don't bias them further with the way you question them.
I'm really surprised that this is the way women in the US are asked/treated, last pregnancy when I was asked DH was with me, they asked him to leave the room while they gently asked "is everything ok at home, do you feel you are in any danger?" Then gave me a questionaire that was questions like "in the last week have you been upset for seemingly no reason, strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree"
This time DH wasn't with me so it was just done in the course of the appointment, but it was still approached gently and pointedly, emphasis was made in how important it was to answer honestly.
If you have a good provider this is how it SHOULD and asked. It's just all too often, I think it becomes routine to hear "no I'm not depressed, yes I'm safe at home" that it becomes a mundane part of a visit to just check off the list. I catch myself sometimes falling into that routine but I always need to remind myself that if I "inconvenience" 99 people (I guess by asking them a difficult question or for taking up 1 extra minute of their time?) but catch 1 person who gives a positive answer then it's worth it.
Side note: I do feel as though some of the screening tools we use here could stand to be re-worded. I don't know if there are any health care friends out there that use PHQ2/9 on a regular basis but the questions are poorly written and especially in my undereducated population I struggle to get an answer without re-wording too much and changing the meaning.
I am so tired of the "omg, you won't make it that long" statement. I've had two coworkers say it already today when they found out it's twins, to which I explain I'm due 5/9 but am aiming for the end of April. It makes me want to scream at them that I'm doing fine and so are babies....and I want them to grow inside as long as possible:/ grrrrrrr
Re: Stupid Stuff People Have Said Now You Are Pregnant
Me: I've always wanted to go to Europe and we just haven't had the chance yet.
Her, looking at my stomach and hearing DD splashing in the bath upstairs: Well, it will be another 15 years until you can go now!
Ugh. Seriously, lady. Because I can't take my kids to Europe? Because I can't leave them stateside while I vacation? TELL ME WHY A PARENT IS PROHIBITED FROM GOING TO EUROPE.
I hate people.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
My face is flushed from the ongoing nausea, ya jerk!
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
DS2 5/17
#3 Due 9/20
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
TW!
You are absolutely right. I know a woman whose sister worked in a hospital. Her co-workers saw her for the last time as a patient when she came in the emergency room as a victim of an attack that she did not survive. Her husband beat her to death with a blunt object. There were many warning signs that prompted her co-workers and her sister to start a program to educate hospital staff of warning signs of domestic abuse and tactics that could potentially save lives. It's used around our state now!
I really don't think my belly is THAT big. I mean I've seen women at 38-40 weeks and you can tell a huge difference between that and 32 weeks in terms of how close you are.
What a dick. I'm sorry that happened @BeachMommy2B
@BeachMommy2B I'm so sorry people are being insensitive to you in regards to your walking. I have adopted a waddle as well at certain times. My vulva vagina lips whatever are so swollen with this pregnancy that it hurts to walk normal and people have started to comment also when I have to pee I'm more waddle than normal and I just hapen to need to pee constantly. Hopefully you can let this person know they offended you soon.
@pshaortao I laughed so loud when I saw your comment about the glitter! I needed that one!
eta. https://dicksbymail.com/?variant=29025852365
This time DH wasn't with me so it was just done in the course of the appointment, but it was still approached gently and pointedly, emphasis was made in how important it was to answer honestly.
DS - January 2014
TTCAL | April 2016
CP | June 2016
CP | July 2016
Side note: I do feel as though some of the screening tools we use here could stand to be re-worded. I don't know if there are any health care friends out there that use PHQ2/9 on a regular basis but the questions are poorly written and especially in my undereducated population I struggle to get an answer without re-wording too much and changing the meaning.
Eat a bag of dicks, dear.
May '17 labor memes
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." ~Charlie Chaplin