Delivery Room: Who's In?

SKZW · February 2017

Who's allowed in your delivery room, and Who is definitely out? For BTDT moms: Any regrets from who you let in last time?

nda_roxybabe · February 2017

FTM, but here's the plan:
Husband for sure, My Mom, H's Mom. Considering SIL to do some birth photography?

MrsFreeman2010 · February 2017

The plan for my first was DH and my best friend (we also work together as labor and delivery nurses). She was going to take pictures and if crap got crazy she was supposed to help explain stuff to DH and be there if he couldn't. In the end my mom stopped by for a little bit while I labored (super comfortably with an epidural) and when it came time to push I was fine with her staying in there. She just sat in the corner and was not intrusive in any way.

This time the plan is DH and my bestie again. Ideally my mom will have DD but if my dad wants to watch her then my mom can be there again. It all depends on timing of going into labor now that we have a little one of think of. We have a few back up plans in case no one can watch her and she has to come to the hospital with us.

jayandaplus · February 2017

Just me and DH, and of course the midwife. We figure this is our last adventure together, and this is ours to experience wholly. We have to leave 6-8 hours after birth, and will have a postpartum doula come the next day. TBD if friends can visit the first day depending on time, but probably.

MrsFox2008 · February 2017

STM! Had a c section with #1 so DH was the only one allowed in the OR.
Going for a VBAC this time around, and I'm only allowing DH in the room. I feel it's such a special moment that I just want to share it with him and it just be about the three of us. We do plan to have visitors soon after the birth so DD can meet her baby sister!

mcvgal · February 2017

My hospital only allows one other person in the room since it's a RCS, so it's just DH and me.

hp_momma · February 2017

DH and my mom (if she makes it in time, she's 2000 miles away). It was the same way with DD1 and DD2.

In my opinion, the less people in there the more calm it is. There will already be your OB plus multiple nurses coming in and out.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · February 2017

Just DH & necessary medical staff. Last time, we also had the nurses, OB, med student, and nicu team. That was pretty crowded. My mom and I, although close, are not the type to enjoy birth together. I think I wouldn't want any one but DH (and, again, med staff) with me.

psherman42wwsa · February 2017

Last time it was just DH and I. That is the plan again this time. My mother was pretty upset that I didn't have her in the room but it's a special moment for just my husband and I.

Also, last time I had to push for over 3 hours in every position imaginable and I was so glad to not have an audience.

march2008 · February 2017

So with my first, my dad ended up driving straight over to the hospital and parking himself in the room without us asking for him to be there. DH had just called him to let him know I was being admitted and the baby would probably be born soon and we had no idea that he was going to just show up ASAP. I wasn't really up for having my dad present at birth (just wanted a little privacy!) and the nurse was really great about asking him to wait in the waiting room on my behalf. Lol!

This time, we live out of state from family so there shouldn't be any surprise visitors! It'll just be DH and the doula that I've hired. We have a friend who has offered to meet us at the hospital to either stay in the waiting room with DD (if things progress that quickly) or she'll bring her home to their house for the night.

L1C4gal · February 2017

Thanks for starting this, @SKZW! And thanks to others for sharing their experiences. I'm a FTM, but my plan is just to have H in there with me (plus med staff, obviously, and my hospital provides doulas for free so I will probably take them up on that). I'm pretty private when it comes to that kind of stuff so I can't really imagine anyone else being there...and I like that others have noted that it's a special moment for H and I to share on our own.

emilyalso · February 2017

Repeat C-section here so just DH in the operating room. If my best friend hadn't gotten knocked up at the same time again, they would have had to flip for it.

@Jellybeanqueen13 - Our stories are almost exactly the same! I ended up with a C around 9:00 and didn't make it to my room until around midnight. All 4 grands had been waiting for HOURS AND HOURS and burst in to see the baby. This time, they will wait for a call and visit on MY terms.

achays11 · February 2017

I ended up with a CS with DD, so just MH was allowed in the room. But even if I had given birth naturally, it would have just been MH.

I I am still undecided on RCS or VBAC, but gain it will just be MH.

WombThereItIs · February 2017

We live away from family so it was just my husband and I last time. This time my mom may be in town but she won't be invited. I'm actually kind of okay with my husband not even being there if he needs to be home with our son. We don't really have a plan yet for how that's going to work...

Jellybeanqueen13 · February 2017

Last time, it was my husband and my mom. After pushing for a few hours, I ended up needing a c-section, so it was just my husband in the operating room. Afterward, my dad wanted to stop by, but I was still in recovery, it was after midnight, and I wasn't in the mood for any visitors. Everyone had to wait until the next day to see us and meet baby. I liked that.

This time will be a repeat c-section and it will just be my husband again. I really don't want people waiting at the hospital, because I will really need that time to recover as well as bond with the babies, pending they don't have any NICU time. I don't know what time they will schedule my c-section this time, but I am going to ask everyone to wait until we call them to visit (probably will only let immediate family visit later that day).

SJsMommy · February 2017

With my daughter, I only had DH and necessary medical staff. My mother stayed until it was almost time to push. This time it will just be my DH and I will welcome students and additional medical staff as a learning opportunity for them. Not everyday you get to see a twin delivery as a nursing student, I know I would have liked the opportunity while going through school. My mom will have DD this go around.

Louise_Belcher · February 2017

I had DH and my mom there last time and am still deciding on if it will be the same this time. Prior to last time I talked to my mom about if she would want to be there and if she was, what her role would be. I needed her to help support DH and once the baby arrived DH would stick with the baby and she would be my support and take pictures. It actually worked out perfectly because I labored overnight and DH texted her to come when it got really close the next morning. She was probably only there for 20 minutes before the baby came. My preference is to have no one waiting for me, but this is a bit out of my control. If I require a c section I will be put under and DH will be the only one there and knows I do not want any family to meet baby prior to me.

SKZW · February 2017

WombThereItIs said:

We live away from family so it was just my husband and I last time. This time my mom may be in town but she won't be invited. I'm actually kind of okay with my husband not even being there if he needs to be home with our son. We don't really have a plan yet for how that's going to work...

Exactly the same for me. Far from family, just the hubbs and I, but this time with our son at home to figure out! I have no plan yet either; I'm thinking I should start building up our babysitter/caregiver network one of these days...

Love reading about everyone's situations! For those of you with planned c-sections, do you sort of feel good knowing there's a built-in reason that limits visitors? Like, you can avoid any drama b/c you have that plan in place, and you don't have to have any awkward convos with buttinski's?

hp_momma · February 2017

Louise_Belcher said:

I had DH and my mom there last time and am still deciding on if it will be the same this time. Prior to last time I talked to my mom about if she would want to be there and if she was, what her role would be. I needed her to help support DH and once the baby arrived DH would stick with the baby and she would be my support and take pictures. It actually worked out perfectly because I labored overnight and DH texted her to come when it got really close the next morning. She was probably only there for 20 minutes before the baby came. My preference is to have no one waiting for me, but this is a bit out of my control. If I require a c section I will be put under and DH will be the only one there and knows I do not want any family to meet baby prior to me.

I had the same conversation with my mom about her role. I wanted DH to focus on baby and not have to worry about taking pictures or what not. It was nice to have DH be able to go be with the baby while my mom stayed with me or went back and forth.
I also didn't have my mom in the room after I had my epidural. I didn't want people in and out while I was laboring.

MoshiMoshi7 · February 2017

Last time, it was DH and my mom. It worked out really great because DH and myself are a little more passive than she is and when the on call doctor tried to send me home (I was 4 cm, having back labor and lived an hour from the hospital) my mom pretty much told her absolutely not. She was also great during labor of staying out of the way when we needed her to and then taking over for DH when he needed a break.

This time around my mom will be watching DS, so it will just be DH and I. My advice would be only to allow people that you're comfortable with and know how to relax you. My MIL, SIL and sister all wanted to be in the room and were pretty offended when I said no. But it wasn't about them and I'm still not sorry.

Eta: fixing autocorrect

Kipperoo · February 2017

Just DH for me (and medical staff, of course). My mom is flying in to watch DS, but even with the first pregnancy, she was here but not present in the room for the birth. I think because DH and I have lived away from family for the last 10 years, I can't really imagine it any other way. I'm close with my mom, but it's just totally different with DH and I feel like this experience is really just ours.

mcvgal · February 2017

@SKZW, yes I am very grateful for the built in limitations. When DS1 was born, he was whisked away to the NICU immediately and I didn't get to see him until 3 hours later. When DS2 was born even thought there were family member waiting in the waiting room we were still given a full 1.5 hours in recovery room to be just DH, DS2 and I. I really appreciated having that time just to ourselves, especially after my experience with DS1.

While they closed me up, DH took DS2 to recovery where they weighed him etc.. So when I got wheeled back to the room it was just amazing to see him in scrubs holding our little boy. The time alone allowed for immediate skin to skin and attempting nursing.

starphish18 · February 2017

H only. Mom only if I start panicking or H is having trouble (if he faints or something). I'm sure both of our sets of parents will be in the waiting room, assuming there's enough time for them to arrive before the baby is born. Then, we'll play it by ear after the baby arrives and let our family visit a couple at a time. If my brother is around, he'll take some pictures while we're still in the hospital, but none during the birth.

pshaortao · February 2017

I only had DH for the first delivery and it was perfect. My parents flew in that evenimg but didnt come by until we gave the green light. That gave us a couple hours to bond with DD and to attempt nursing.

My mom is coming at least a week before my EDD so hopefully the timing will work out in our favor so she can watch DD and DH can stay with me. I'm honestly terrified it won't work out and I'll end up having to deliver alone.

SKZW · February 2017

@pshaortao: I was thinking of something similar, having my mom visit before the due date, but I totally feel your anxiety! All the what-ifs and whens and not knowing when it'll be go time. Stressful!

chickyclg · February 2017

Only DH was there (C-Section) it was such an emergency, DS heart rate in distress, that our moms barely got to the hospital in time to see them being wheeled passed by the NICU transport team.

I want to attempt a VBAC and if I get that chance I would hope DH, my mom, and my MIL would be there. I may be a crazy person but I feel like I would almost need my MIL there over my mom. My MIL coached both of my SILs through their labors twice and remains super calm, where my mom freaks out over everything and I feel like she might drive me crazy.

If if I do need another CS I just hope DH remembers to take pictures a little better this time, I was sedated last time and if it wasn't for the doctor telling him to get his camera out I wouldn't have any birth photos.

bacorrea · February 2017

With DD it was just DH and I. This time we don't know if DH will be able to make it so it may just be me. My parents will be watching DD. If I end up with a cscetion I may have one of my parents or my brother in there. We are hoping DH makes it though. I'm really whatever about all of this right now.

BabyMC517 · February 2017

Honestly, and this is probably bad haha, I haven't given much thought to it and MH and I haven't talked about it. My guess is that it will just be me and MH while mom and dad are in the waiting room. My brother and sister will probably come visit later and MIL lives across the country so I'm not sure if she is planning on coming after the birth or before...I think maybe a after would be nice so we have some time to ourselves to bond and what not. My mom and I are really close, but I'm not sure we are close enough to share a birth! Could be wrong when the time comes, but MH is really supportive and doesn't get bothered by much except needles, so he'll be turning away when that happens

rebecca517-2 · February 2017

The plan is DH and my mom. His family lives across the country and I'm thankful for that because I know MIL would want to be there and I'm not a big fan of that idea.

vrj0522 · February 2017

DH and my mom, same as with the first two. They each held one leg while I pushed.

saric83 · February 2017

Repeat c-section so just DH, and with our first, the plan was just us, but my mom stopped by for a few hours while I was laboring to give DH a break, but she was gone well before we thought delivery was going to happen.

bubsalicious · February 2017

I only want H there. I already informed him that I don't even want family on their way to the hospital until after baby is out. He is struggling a little with that one, so as long as they aren't given the floors code hopefully I won't be too upset if he can't help himself. That gives us 3 hours of bonding and rest time.

luckywife10 · February 2017

I only want H with me in the delivery room. However, if we need to call my mom or my MIL for support or guidance when we're at the hospital they might end up being there for the delivery too. Ideally I'd just like H with me though. I also don't want too many visitors at the hospital after the baby is born. I'd rather that family and friends wait until H and I bring our baby home to come visit us.

heath313 · February 2017

Only my husband and myself...but we don't do visitors at the hospital either.

rkstro2 · February 2017

I love reading everyone's plan and reasoning. I am planning on DH and my mom pending if she can make it since we live several hours drive away. I am unsure of the visitor policy at the hospital where we are delivering. If 3 are allowed for the delivery I would let my sister (if she could come...but she has 4 kids of her own) or I would consider allowing MIL if she were interested. She doesn't know that I'm not shy about that kind of thing so I would guess it hasn't even crossed her mind to ask to be in delivery. I know she wasn't there when her daughter delivered her first two grandkids so I think she might like to see the birth of one of her grandkids...but again I have no idea. Maybe she wouldn't be interested at all.

achays11 · February 2017

I'm amazed at all of you that can keep your family away from the hospital. When I was in labor with DD we had a steady stream of people in the waiting room all day and most of them came back to chat with me during labor. It actually helped take my mind off of things. I ended up with a CS and at that time I think we had almost 15 people in the waiting room. Since DD was the only birth at that late hour the hospital let all 15 of them back into the recovery room to take a quick peak.

And throughout the next 4 days in the hospital there was always someone visiting during visiting hours. Mh family all lives with 5 miles of the hospital and my in-laws live 20. So everyone is very close.

SKZW · February 2017

@achays11: I can not even imagine what that would be like for me... but I totally get that it could help keep you preoccupied and your mind off of things, that sounds like a great benefit! The only reason it was just the hubbs and me is because our immediate family members are all 7-to-8-hours drive away. I do wonder what it would be like to have 15 people visiting on Day 1, though... it gives me something to daydream about... but in all honesty I was a wreck during labor and not sure I wanted people seeing me at my worst

plus recovery was the first chance in 24 hours that I had to actually get some sleep, so having no one there (at that time) allowed me to get a few hours in!

mamatowildones · February 2017

For us the first time it was me DH and my mom. She hinted several times that she'd like to be in the room. I didn't decide until the very last minute and she watched the whole thing. One of her fav memories now and it was nice to have her there. The second time it was just me and DH and it was very eventful which made me glad it was just us 2. We will do the same this time since everyone will be helping out by watching the boys at home.

achays11 · February 2017

And @SKZW, I day dream about having no one come visit so that I can have all of the time with LO. Basically anytime someone was visiting, I didn't get to hold her.

This is time we are planning on having a few hours to ourselves before any family comes to visit. But DD will be the first visitor.

bailey8809-2 · February 2017

For DS1 it was DH and my mom. This time I think it will probably be the same unless my sister wants to come in instead of my mom which I'd be completely fine with.

livin541 · February 2017

With our first, it was just my husband I for most of the labor. I hadn't slept in a few days and the nurses insisted that everyone else go to the waiting room so we could get some rest. I SO appreciated that because it was not very well received. We are both very close with our families, and I've been there for all 3 of my sisters' deliveries, so we knew we would allow them at The hospital and make a game time decision on who would be present once it was time to push. It ended up being H, my mom, MIL, and my sister. I ended up being so happy each was there, my husband didn't deal well so I needed my mom and sister to each hold a leg!

We have not discussed this time yet, but I am torn between having that special moment for just us or having the support from my mom and sister again. We may wait again and just see how we are feeling- we are lucky enough to have everyone within a 3 mile radius of the hospital. Small town life

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