@livin541: (Props to your nurses!) Curious: You mentioned your husband "didn't deal well"---do you think that those things that bothered him last time would still make him feel uncomfy this time? Or do you think it's more a matter of "now he knows what to expect and can def better handle it all"? I certainly hope it's better for all of you this time around!
Thinking about this and if you have any out of town close family that will be ready to jump on a plane, be careful with the planning of that. With DS2 DH called him mom who lives a few states away and told her we were progressing and I was at 7cm. She immediately hopped on a plane. DS ended up in the NICU and the nursing staff allowed only DH and myself inside. She was very insulted that she couldn't see the baby(thoughtful huh?) and it put a huge rift between us for awhile. She insisted that NICU's have windows and she could've at least seen him(not the case) and it was a disaster. This time around I flat out told her we would love to have her come visit once we are home and settled because you just never know how it'll work out.
@SKZW so I didn't realize it prior, but he's one of those that just hates hospitals. That, combined with lack of sleep and food (cry me a river) and the "smell" according to him, led him to get light headed and need to sit down for a while during the critical push time. I will also say that he had a really hard time seeing me in so much pain, so I think there were quite a few contributing factors.
I think this time will be better, at least I know he will make sure he eats and stays hydrated so he can be a better support during pushing. He was great leading up to that and was amazing during most of labor, but he feels super guilty that he wasn't there to coach me through that final part.
I still felt totally supported though, and that's the important thing! I don't hold it against him
DH and Sister-in-law were in the delivery. Originally, I had just planned on my husband being in there, but my sister-in-law had been in the room for most of my labor. I thought it would be awkward, but she used to be a delivery and labor nurse so I figured she has seen it all and there are plenty of other people in the room too who have seen it all. She was needed more for calming my husband's nerves than for me. I plan on doing the same again if she is willing to/can come. My first delivery was an induction so she took off work, but we will have to wait and see about this one.
I plan on having it be just my husband and mother. Both my SIL have children, and my sister lives in LA, which is across the country. Idk if my MIL wants to be in there, but I don't. I love her, but I'd rather not.
We plan on just DH and me this time because of having to deliver in the OR because of the twins. With DS (10 months ago) it was me, DH and my best friend who took pics. I thank god she was with us and we have those pics and I'm a little worried we won't have any pics of the twins at this stage because DH will be focused on me (he is a worrier) AND we will be in the OR, which may freak him out:/
Because I'm at a birth center and won't have a long stay there, it will probably just be me and DH. But I will invite my in-laws because they haven't had that experience before. Except that they are hopefully the ones watching my other kids! They would probably be too weirded out to come anyhow, so I think they will pass.
With DS (#1), my parents were both there and it was good! They actually provided moral/practical support during pushing, and my mom said that getting to see a birth was one of the best things she ever did in her life and thanked me profusely for it. If my parents were for some reason in town when I deliver I'd be fine with them being there again this time, though the circumstances would be different--I had an epidural for the part of the birth when my parents were there last time. I will be med-free this time, like I was with DD (#2), when it was just me & DH because no one lived locally. I'm not sure anyone can put up with me med-free, so maybe it's best that it will likely just be him and me again.
As far as pushing/delivery goes, I plan to have MH and I'm back and forth on my mother. It will probably be a game time decision. I'm 100% certain we will have at least my parents and MH's mom and stepdad in the waiting room. It might be nice to visit and pass the time during early labor. I won't be shy about asking them to step out or making nurses/MH bounce for me. I wouldn't be surprised if MHs dad also shows up. Whatever. People will be warned that they will be waiting until we are ready as I would like some skin to skin and bonding time as a family for at least a little while.
I'm fascinated by the amount of posters that will have more than their SO in the room. I'm not judging or anything. It's just so not my thing that I'm amazed it is so many other people's things. I don't have a ton of shame, but can't imagine my mom chilling while my lady bits are destroyed. Now I'm questioning my relationship with my mother. Like, is there something wrong with me that I can't fathom her witnessing her grandchildren's birth? At any rate, you do you, ladies. No judgment here.
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot speaking as someone who watches births daily, you would be amazed. I hate laboring patients with a ton of people in the room. The most I've seen was 21 people (not even kidding). It was a disaster. But really I never understand those that have a ton, like does your brother and his girlfriend and their children need to watch you push a baby out of your vagina?? As a nurse, the best rooms are those who have two support people (normally the father of the baby and one other). It allows the support people to take turns with breaks, a leg holder on each side, etc. The nurse will automatically step into that roll if there is only 1, but we love 2
For DS I had DH, my mom, & my sister there the whole time. I didn't really feel I had a good support team despite that though. I think my sister & mom didn't really know what to do possibly so they just sat there and didn't really interfere much. DH was a little better but wasn't there like I needed him to be. He held one leg & army nurse held my other for the pushing while my sister & mom watched which I was totally fine with. This time I want my mom to take DS, so it'll just be DH and I. I may ask my sister or my best friend to be there as well. I'd love a doula but we can't really afford it.
After the birth was nice. My mom and sister stayed briefly and then went home since it was 10pm when he was born. DH left for a while to go let the dogs out. The rest of our immediate family came the next day early afternoon. I'd like it to be that way again, except probably have my mom bring DS fairly soon after that initial hour - depending on what time I have the baby.
I'm fascinated by the amount of posters that will have more than their SO in the room. I'm not judging or anything. It's just so not my thing that I'm amazed it is so many other people's things. I don't have a ton of shame, but can't imagine my mom chilling while my lady bits are destroyed. Now I'm questioning my relationship with my mother. Like, is there something wrong with me that I can't fathom her witnessing her grandchildren's birth? At any rate, you do you, ladies. No judgment here.
My mom totally stays up at my head! I mean I know she sees some stuff because your legs are up at your head basically when your in the stirrups but she's not super into looking like DH. She stays towards the back, more behind my head and out of the way.
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot I can't speak to what will actually happen but I want my mother there for emotional support for me. She's my go to when I feel awful, so that's why I want her there. She also just retired from being a nurse her whole life so it's good to have her there if something doesn't go to plan and she can help explain and let me know the true danger of stuff. She has said she doesn't necessarily want to see it all, and I think in the moment I won't care. My husband doesn't want to see it all. Also, I assume she won't be in the room if we have more kids, and my sister probably isn't so I feel like this is a one time thing that I'd like to do for her if she wants it.
Just my husband! Possibly my 16month old daughter if it's a fast labor overnight and we can't find someone to watch her on time- we would just pack the playpen for her and have a bag ready to go with her stuff just in case we need to bring her.
It will just be DH, I, and medical staff. I think my mom will come in some during labor, but refuses to be present at a birth. Her motto is "I wasn't there when the baby was made, I'm not going to be there when the baby is born." I do think quite a few people are planning on being at the hospital waiting which I'm not really sure about. I am wondering when we should let everyone know the baby is coming.
For my first delivery it was just me and DH. My parents stopped by before the baby arrived and left when it was time to push. By the time baby arrived, the whole family was there to welcome little one in recovery. I don't mind a waiting room full of family, but for delivery I just want DH.
I'm sure my mom and MIL would jump at the opportunity to be in the delivery room, but they have an image of me that I wouldn't to ruin during the birthing process. Also, there are some things that they may see that can't be unseen. I know it's natural and beautiful, but also a little disgusting too. I'd rather not share that experience.
Our hospital allows a nurse to take pics during delivery if there is one available and everything is routine. If that wasn't an option, I'd probably have my mom there to take pics.
I will have my husband, midwife, and mom with me. Possibly other female family members if I feel like it at the time. I'm not sure, but I'm keeping an open mind.
Just me and the hubs... I don't want an audience, and my mom/dad and in-laws would drive me nuts. They can chill in the waiting room or come by afterwards.
It sounds like it maybe an OU, but I would rather the parade of visitors come while I'm at the hospital to get their baby fix and leave us alone when we get home. A hospital is not warm and inviting and their visits are far more brief than when they stop by the house to see the baby. At my house they can cozy in and have a false sense of "helping". That is one of the parts I am dreading most this time around (visitors), but that is for a different thread probably.
It will just be my husband! He's a paramedic so he actually knows what is going on, although it will be a very different experience this time.
I'm not close to my mom at all and my sisters are only 11. I also HATE hospitals and feeling vulnerable so I really only want my husband. I know I won't be able to keep everyone away from the hospital, I wish I could until we get home.
The only thing that makes me sad is I do want pictures, there is no way my hubs can be my main support and photographer. What have other women done in this situation?
@Cubslove12: If you truly want people to stay away from the hospital, then seriously voice your opinion early and often! If they hear that you prefer they visit you at your home, hopefully they'd respect it and not invade your space (FX!). You can say you've been advised to have uninterrupted one-on-one bonding time; that visitors are strictly limited by the hospital staff; and that you'd really prefer to have no visitors for the sake of the baby those first days.
@Louise_Belcher: If you start a "how to handle visitors" thread, I think it could help a lot of people plan/deal with those issues.
I hadn't really given this much thought yet (heck I'm so behind on everything baby). I know DH plans to be there for me; I've just got this funny feeling something will come up work (Army) wise and I'll end up going into labor while he is at training or something. Also not sure about who will be watching the other two kids. Part of me would love to have my mom there just because she had two kids (but we were both c-section..I was and emergency. what kid tries to come out with their foot on their head), but at the same time she'd stress DH out and that'd probably cause me more stress. Thank you all for sharing your plans and previous experiences!
The only thing that makes me sad is I do want pictures, there is no way my hubs can be my main support and photographer. What have other women done in this situation?
@Cubslove12: If you're talking about pics of the actual birth/exit/welcome to the world moment, then yeah, it'd be hard for him to do both. But I'd suggest that if you want general pics of the day, there will likely be lots of periods of down time, at least for him: Imagine that he needs to take a bathroom break or find a snack or stretch his legs in general, then he certainly would have time to snap some shots. For those first moments with the baby, too, there's opportunities for him to snap away.
I maybe would even ask a nurse to do so (if she seems like she has a spare moment, which seems unlikely, but you never know); maybe the nurses on here can chime in, would you even want a patient to hand you a camera? Would it be okay to ask?
Also maybe check with the hospital photographer to inquire about their policy of during-labor photos. It might just be strictly Day 1/actual baby photos that they offer, but it wouldn't hurt to ask, if you're looking for something different?
The plan is for my husband and mom to be in the delivery room like when I had DD. I was very on the fence about having my mom the first time around, but my sister had our mom in her two deliveries and both her and my brother in law said how happy they were to have her there. That's ultimately what helped me decide to invite her to be there and I was very happy to have her. My mom is an RN and was very helpful throughout the whole delivery. She was a calming presence and great support. Plus, she took awesome pictures!
We had probably 10ish people in the waiting room and the visitors didn't stop the entire time I was in the hospital. It was a bit overwhelming, but I didn't know how to handle it because everyone was so excited for us and to meet DD. I'm hoping there won't be as many visitors this time around and I do plan on voicing my wishes more.
Nope, I want the time for DH and I only. I don't want anyone waiting to rush in the room. There's plenty of time in the days and weeks following the birth for them to meet the baby; they don't have to intrude right away. I'd be okay with them coming a day later.
Me: 29, DH: 31 Married: October 2014 Began TTC: April 2015 BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w) BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w) BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
@SKZW I have no problem taking pictures but wouldn't be able to at birth. I've taken lots later on of like the family as a whole and have no problem with being asked to. It's just at the moment of birth there is a lot going on clearly in the moment as well behind the scenes.
I realized while I am team husband or nobody when it comes to family I am the opposite when it comes to hospital staff. The more the merrier. Nursing or medical students? Come on in, glove up and give it a go. My husband benefited from a lot of other people being open to someone learning with them so I like to pay it forward in a way.
Be chill, let the students, interns, and residents in.
@WombThereItIs I'm the same way. As far as people I know, it's only DH. But I'm all about student doctors and nurses coming in if they're around. All my doctor and nurse friends have expressed their appreciation for people letting them be involved in births and other medical procedures and I figure the next generation needs to learn somehow.
@WombThereItIs I'm totally ok with medical students being in the room to watch and maybe do an exam but with DD2 last time the nursing student totally jacked up my IV. So now I'm leaning more towards observation only approach this time.
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
Just my husband! Possibly my 16month old daughter if it's a fast labor overnight and we can't find someone to watch her on time- we would just pack the playpen for her and have a bag ready to go with her stuff just in case we need to bring her.
Does your hospital allow this? I'm pretty sure that everywhere I have delivered (two hospitals, and this last place is a birth center) does not allow children in the delivery room. Not to freak you out...I know it is a huge hassle wondering what to do with your kid when you go into labor and you don't have family around. We got a babysitter to agree to be on call. Luckily we didn't call her overnight, but we did call her in the evening and she had to spend the night with DS before taking him to daycare in the morning. Hopefully it will be moot for you anyway!
Just my husband! Possibly my 16month old daughter if it's a fast labor overnight and we can't find someone to watch her on time- we would just pack the playpen for her and have a bag ready to go with her stuff just in case we need to bring her.
Does your hospital allow this? I'm pretty sure that everywhere I have delivered (two hospitals, and this last place is a birth center) does not allow children in the delivery room. Not to freak you out...I know it is a huge hassle wondering what to do with your kid when you go into labor and you don't have family around. We got a babysitter to agree to be on call. Luckily we didn't call her overnight, but we did call her in the evening and she had to spend the night with DS before taking him to daycare in the morning. Hopefully it will be moot for you anyway!
It does thankfully! It would be a huge pain to have her there and we have family around, but if it's in the middle of the night and they're not responding to phone calls/texts then we'll have to bring her until someone can come get her. If baby comes May long weekend though, no family will be home and we'll have a rough time finding a sitter!
ETA: they're huge private rooms with a little nook in the corner for families to set up things like playpens incase siblings need to come and a pull out couch for DH to sleep on. They allow up to 8 people in the room as well as medical staff unless there's complications- but I'm definitely not wanting any extra family in there!
Re: Delivery Room: Who's In?
I think this time will be better, at least I know he will make sure he eats and stays hydrated so he can be a better support during pushing. He was great leading up to that and was amazing during most of labor, but he feels super guilty that he wasn't there to coach me through that final part.
I still felt totally supported though, and that's the important thing! I don't hold it against him
With DS (#1), my parents were both there and it was good! They actually provided moral/practical support during pushing, and my mom said that getting to see a birth was one of the best things she ever did in her life and thanked me profusely for it. If my parents were for some reason in town when I deliver I'd be fine with them being there again this time, though the circumstances would be different--I had an epidural for the part of the birth when my parents were there last time. I will be med-free this time, like I was with DD (#2), when it was just me & DH because no one lived locally. I'm not sure anyone can put up with me med-free, so maybe it's best that it will likely just be him and me again.
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
After the birth was nice. My mom and sister stayed briefly and then went home since it was 10pm when he was born. DH left for a while to go let the dogs out. The rest of our immediate family came the next day early afternoon. I'd like it to be that way again, except probably have my mom bring DS fairly soon after that initial hour - depending on what time I have the baby.
BFP #1 10/8/13, EDD 6/4/14, DS #1 6/9/14
BFP #2 5/1/16, EDD 12/16/16, MMC 5/27/16
BFP #3 8/29/16, EDD 5/5/17, DS #2 5/11/17
BFP #4 2/28/21, EDD 11/9/21
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
She also just retired from being a nurse her whole life so it's good to have her there if something doesn't go to plan and she can help explain and let me know the true danger of stuff. She has said she doesn't necessarily want to see it all, and I think in the moment I won't care. My husband doesn't want to see it all. Also, I assume she won't be in the room if we have more kids, and my sister probably isn't so I feel like this is a one time thing that I'd like to do for her if she wants it.
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
@mspacman34 That's my family's motto too!
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
I'm sure my mom and MIL would jump at the opportunity to be in the delivery room, but they have an image of me that I wouldn't to ruin during the birthing process. Also, there are some things that they may see that can't be unseen. I know it's natural and beautiful, but also a little disgusting too. I'd rather not share that experience.
Our hospital allows a nurse to take pics during delivery if there is one available and everything is routine. If that wasn't an option, I'd probably have my mom there to take pics.
DS2 5/17
#3 Due 9/20
I'm not close to my mom at all and my sisters are only 11. I also HATE hospitals and feeling vulnerable so I really only want my husband. I know I won't be able to keep everyone away from the hospital, I wish I could until we get home.
The only thing that makes me sad is I do want pictures, there is no way my hubs can be my main support and photographer. What have other women done in this situation?
@Louise_Belcher: If you start a "how to handle visitors" thread, I think it could help a lot of people plan/deal with those issues.
Part of me would love to have my mom there just because she had two kids (but we were both c-section..I was and emergency. what kid tries to come out with their foot on their head), but at the same time she'd stress DH out and that'd probably cause me more stress.
Thank you all for sharing your plans and previous experiences!
I maybe would even ask a nurse to do so (if she seems like she has a spare moment, which seems unlikely, but you never know); maybe the nurses on here can chime in, would you even want a patient to hand you a camera? Would it be okay to ask?
Also maybe check with the hospital photographer to inquire about their policy of during-labor photos. It might just be strictly Day 1/actual baby photos that they offer, but it wouldn't hurt to ask, if you're looking for something different?
We had probably 10ish people in the waiting room and the visitors didn't stop the entire time I was in the hospital. It was a bit overwhelming, but I didn't know how to handle it because everyone was so excited for us and to meet DD. I'm hoping there won't be as many visitors this time around and I do plan on voicing my wishes more.
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
And I hear you on taking the time for yourselves, I feel similarly.
Be chill, let the students, interns, and residents in.
May '17 labor memes
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
ETA: they're huge private rooms with a little nook in the corner for families to set up things like playpens incase siblings need to come and a pull out couch for DH to sleep on. They allow up to 8 people in the room as well as medical staff unless there's complications- but I'm definitely not wanting any extra family in there!