FTM here, but my SIL had her baby about 3 weeks before her sister's wedding, so they all came. She kept the baby in a ring sling pretty much the whole night. So people would just peek at her face and that was it. That would probably be a good option!
I'm erring on overly cautious and keeping babies home as much as possible the first 2 months. Had a two night hospital stay for RSV with my 3-wk old son last round. Never again will I judge a mom who helicopters and demands washed hands/limited visitors.
@marriedhamstermom With DD, we were out and about within a few days. All our close friends came over the day we got home from the hospital for a meet the baby/ pizza party(12-15 people). We just asked everyone to wash hands before holding her. When we were out to dinner or shopping I'd wear her to limit strangers trying to touch her. We will probably do the same for DS, but will try to limit outings a bit, as we will be coming from a NICU stay. I'd prefer to keep him home more, but with DD in school and DH's crazy schedule with his new restaurant, I'll have to be out with him.
@marriedhamstermom ftm but my sister had my nephew 5.5 weeks before i got married. They were travelling from germany to ireland with a 4 week old baby so airports, planes & then the wedding so curch & reception with a lof of people & being introduced to all our family too. personally, i think id go a little crazy being in the house for 6-8 weeks & not being out and about. That being said, until the baby arrives i cant say how ill feel & might want to go nowhere!
@marriedhamstermom I also think it depends on your comfort with the situation... my mil has actually told me that she already stocked up on her hand sanitizer since she knows how picky I am about it. We used to keep hand sanitizer on the top rack of our stroller so it was obvious we wanted people to use it before touching baby. We had a bottle of sanitizer in our cars, the diaper bag, my purse lol. Also I had a hard time telling people no about wanting to hold our kids, so this time I'm planning on wearing baby as much as possible while we are around other people. I didn't do it with our other 2, but have been practice wrapping our moby already lol. But having said all that, we took our son out to a big pig roast when he was just 2 weeks old.
@marriedhamstermom Fellow FTM here, but our pediatrician recommends staying in as much as possible the first month. She calls it hibernation. Our Bradley instructor just says, they give themselves no obligations for 6-8 weeks after birth. They can go, but no remorse if you just don't feel like it and decide to stay in.
A few days after DS was born, we were already going to family brunches or running errands. No one really bothered us or tried to touch him and if family wanted to pick him up, they all had to wash their hands first and I gave no fucks about being hard on them for it.
************* First BFP: 12/16/13 EDD: 08/23/14 Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
@marriedhamstermom - we went out earlier with the last, but it was also the dead of summer. And we went to family parties and told people they couldn't hold him (really I made my mom and sister police that for me). The only thing I'll add is that on multiple occasions I've had women young and old make shitty comments about how I shouldn't have him out of the house yet. I'd just be ready for that. I had no comeback, I feel like I just stared blankly at them because I had no idea what to say.
Thanks everyone! I think we'll probably still play it by ear and see how both the baby and I are doing before we actually decide but I love the suggestions of wearing him to keep people from trying to touch him or pass him around. I know I have trouble saying no to people but DH is great at it and he'll have no problem hurting people's feelings if they feel like they should get to hold him. Plus I feel like I'll get better at being a hard ass and saying no or enforcing hand washing when it's my kid I'm defending.
I'm sure I'll get comments either way I decide and just need to be ready for it. I know SIL waited 8 weeks with our nephew which meant she didn't bring him to our wedding or rehearsal dinner since he was only 4 weeks old then. I know DH and I told her we were fine with it either way and whatever she felt best with was what she should do but I felt bad b/c I heard some people tell her she was being crazy and they had their babies out within a week and they were just fine. People always have opinions...
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
FTM with a preemie, so my perspective might be different, but DD has only been out to go to the doctor and my parents and my ILs. Since she is more vulnerable than a full term newborn, I don't really want to expose her to more than she needs to be. We are also very adamant about hand washing. Believe it or not, my 8 y/o niece is the sanitizer police lol and can be very blunt about making sure everyone's hands are clean before holding DD.
FTM here, but the only people who will be allowed to hold the baby in the first few weeks (aside from me and H, of course) are our moms, since they will be helping out, our siblings, and maybe a couple of close friends, but only if they have had their flu shots and are up-to-date on TDAP boosters. I doubt I'll take the baby out of the house for the first few weeks, but when I do, I plan to wear him to minimize people wanting to touch him. And I am not afraid to tell people to back off if they start getting grabby.
For those limiting #of ppl to hold the baby-- do you have any go-to phrases? I've heard "now is not a good time to hold the baby." Any other generic statements?
FTM here but we have 4 ppl who are very close (3 fam and a godmother) who smoke. Esp when LO is a newborn, I don't want her exposed to 3rd hand smoke. These ppl are smart enough to not smoke near my kid but research is showing that even 3rd hand smoke (on skin and clothes) can be cancerous. Any ideas how to broach this subject? Just cover them w a blanket when she's a newborn?
@Gretchypoo smoking is like the one thing I'm a hardass about. Husband step dad smoked and smoked in the house. A- we never went over there. Be if he smoked he had to wash his hands and face and change his shirt. It was a sorry/not sorry situation. We told him straight up. He actually ended up quitting. But people who smoke/ smell like smoke don't get to hold my babies.
@Gretchypoo When we took our newborn class, our instructor actually gave us some advice on how to deal with smokers...she said the best thing would be to have people change shirts after smoking, but in reality that's probably not going to happen. She then suggested wrapping LO in a blanket and handing them over in the blanket that way there is at least the barrier of the blanket between LO and the 3rd hand smoke.
Also, a good thing we learned in the NICU (which actually held some truth) was that DD couldn't be held right after a feeding because feedings would wear her out so much that she needed rest...you could maybe do something along those lines, saying how LO sleeps the best alone?
@Gretchypoo I don't have many generic phrases, which is why I'm hoping that baby wearing will help eliminate people from even asking. If I'm around a lot of people, I just say something like "I don't want the baby passed around a lot and if I let you hold the baby, everyone else will want to hold the baby too." Or luckily babies sleep a lot, so I'll say "not while baby is trying to sleep." But then when baby wakes up people jump on it lol. One time we were at a large gathering when DD was small and my mil asked to hold her (she wanted to show her off) and I said "only if you don't pass her around" well my mil got so mad that she couldn't pass MY baby around, that she didn't even hold her the rest of the party. Prep yourself for the most ridiculous people and situations because they are guaranteed to happen.
With smoking, I have a couple relatives who smoke, but I myself have always detested it, so these people naturally stay away from me if they smoke. And when my kids are around, my sister will wash her hands and wear a special jacket to smoke in, then just take the jacket off when she's done. It's easier than having to completely change her shirt. So that might be an idea, to ask those people to wear an extra layer just for smoking?
This will be my first winter baby so I'm a little more concerned about that than I have been with the others. Thank you to whoever above mentioned an older child The Purell Police because I can absolutely count on my kids to do that and then I don't have to be the jerk, LOL.
Babywearing is a good deterrent because in the stroller people will come right up and look. I will say though if you're planning to nurse especially in the beginning the baby's going to nurse a lot and naturally want mama anyway so that's an easy way to get the baby back or not to pass the baby off because he just wants mama with a big smile on your face of a happy contented nursing mother.
Having older kids there will be absolutely no way we can stay in the house more than a week or two while my husband is off. Between dropping off at preschool, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, dance etc. there are just so many activities my kids are in that it will be inevitable to be out and about.
You can absolutely always say no to invitations you're not comfortable with because remember you are the mom and that is your child. I remember being a first-time mom and having two babies and feeling like any time we went to a family function I barely saw them because all the family members wanted to pass them around and be helpful. With my youngest she was always more Mommycentric and I just held on to her and held my ground a lot more.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
I'm getting anxious and nervous enough about the birth and her being ok that I'm feeling fine with having to tell people that they need to wash their hands and sit down with the baby. I was worried I wouldn't be able to, but the closer it gets to having her the more my anxiety has risen. This is my rainbow baby and I'll be a lot more protective of her than I was my first. Also, she's a winter baby so that definitely changes the game quite a bit.
I love the idea of baby wearing to ward off people from holding baby. I don't mind if ILs or someone holds her, but I'll be damned if we're going to play pass the baby around church or family functions.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
I'm normally such a non-germaphobe, germs are good for you person that I struggle with how to proceed here. I have no problem having people wash their hands, that seems like common sense. I also don't mind having friends and family hold the baby for short stints though. I'll just take him back when I want him. Am I crazy? We have a small family and a few close friends so I may just have less total people to worry about than the rest of you. There's nobody that I envision hogging him for hours or anything. Most of my friends with new babies have eagerly hoisted them off on me when I came to visit and ran to take a shower or something, so I just assumed I'd be the same.
Barring a situation where the baby is immunocompromised, there's no way I could avoid public places for six weeks. I'd go bonkers. I'm hoping to wear him so I don't really anticipate that being a problem.
@Xstatic3333 You're not crazy. Honestly, if this wasn't a rainbow baby for us, I would probably be the exact same way. That's exactly how I was with my first. I didn't care who held her or if people washed their hands. It might've been different had it been in winter but I kind of doubt it. I just wasn't as worried with DD1.
Unless, like you said, she is immunocompromised, we can't be staying in for 6w. That would drive me absolutely crazy. I've never had problems with DD1 and random strangers coming to try to touch her, but if that becomes an issue I'll just start telling people to back off. I'm starting to give no fucks about hurting people's feelings when it comes to my kids.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
When friends come to visit at our house I'm not going to mind them holding her after washing hands. But when we decide to go to our home church, she's staying in the carseat as much as possible to try to avoid a lot of touching. My FIL is the pastor so everyone is really excited for us but I am NOT passing my baby around!
Apparently I was putting a lot more stock in my family history than I realized, because I am officially now more pregnant than my mom has ever been (she never went past 39w), and it has made me go a bit squirrely...
So, given that, what did you STMs do to bring on labour (besides have a healthy attitude and accept that baby will come when baby is ready, because I've tried that, and I can't do it). Or what are you first timers planning on doing as the time approaches?
Things I have tried: Red Raspberry Leaf Tea since 36 weeks* Dates since 36 weeks* Evening Primrose Oil since 38 weeks Pineapple Sex Walking
I'm hesitant to try hot sauce, because my heartburn/acid reflux is no joke, and if it didn't bring on labour, I feel like I'd be EXTRA miserable.
*both of those are more things to prep the body for labour and have some studies that suggest they help. They don't actually bring on labour sooner; otherwise I wouldn't have started them at 36 weeks.
@poetryandoceans I've heard a lot of people swear by eggplant parmesan for starting labor. I don't have any experience with that. I know my best friend walked all over the place trying to induce labor, but that didn't seem to work for her. Hope baby comes soon and just makes it easier on you!
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
@poetryandoceans didn't some girl in the Jan labor thread say she looked up pressure points and went into labor an hour later?
Im personally in the camp that he/she won't come til they're ready but I know how hard it is at the end. You've come so far and the unknown waiting period is tough.
Apparently I was putting a lot more stock in my family history than I realized, because I am officially now more pregnant than my mom has ever been (she never went past 39w), and it has made me go a bit squirrely...
So, given that, what did you STMs do to bring on labour (besides have a healthy attitude and accept that baby will come when baby is ready, because I've tried that, and I can't do it). Or what are you first timers planning on doing as the time approaches?
Things I have tried: Red Raspberry Leaf Tea since 36 weeks* Dates since 36 weeks* Evening Primrose Oil since 38 weeks Pineapple Sex Walking
I'm hesitant to try hot sauce, because my heartburn/acid reflux is no joke, and if it didn't bring on labour, I feel like I'd be EXTRA miserable.
*both of those are more things to prep the body for labour and have some studies that suggest they help. They don't actually bring on labour sooner; otherwise I wouldn't have started them at 36 weeks.
Look up and book a reflexologist (foot massage/pressure points) acquaintance around here just put a girl into labor this week during their session! Worth a try, and if not---heck who doesn't need to relax with a good massage.
With my research it seems membrane sweep and (With doc permission)) taking castor oil are the most promising for labor starters. Goodluck!
Will you be getting a membrane sweep? They say that could get things going if you're body is in fact ready for labor. Contractions began a few hours after my OB did it for me but I was almost 41 weeks at that point.
The only "trick" I had tried prior to that was walking but I've never put much thought into those as I believe they're all kind of BS.... baby really does come when he/she is ready. Like you said @poetryandoceans I think it's mostly done to keep busy!
************* First BFP: 12/16/13 EDD: 08/23/14 Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
I heard a terrible story about castor oil from my doctor, she won't allow it. I didn't ask what had happened, but she said that the woman saw it online and tried it (without consulting) and it ended badly. So, I wouldn't try that one!!
I heard a terrible story about castor oil from my doctor, she won't allow it. I didn't ask what had happened, but she said that the woman saw it online and tried it (without consulting) and it ended badly. So, I wouldn't try that one!!
Same. I've heard some seriously nasty sounding stories from labor attempting to be started with castor oil. It can make you REALLY sick, throwing up everywhere, without doing anything to start labor. I would stay away from that one even if OB said you could try it.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
I'd say that walking and sex couldn't hurt, since they'll only get things moving if the baby is really ready to go. Spicy food? Meh. I've always been skeptical about that one.
I've been avoiding the castor oil for exactly the reasons mentioned. Sounds like there's the chance of feeling like absolute crap without going into labour, which isn't what I'm looking for.
I have an appointment with an acupuncturist for Wednesday, who is going to do a combo of acupuncture/acupressure/reflexology. Fingers crossed that'll work if nothing else has by then!
I actually had a convo with my MW about membrane sweeping at my last appointment. She says they do it if you're a week or more postdates, or if you as a patient really really want it, but that their practice has decided it's not the most useful early intervention. She says it'll put you into labour about 25% of the time, and she assumes a lot of those women were about ready to go anyway, but that 100% of the time it'll give you a day or two of cramping/discomfort/lost sleep. And for the 75% of women that doesn't turn into labour for, they've created a situation where a patient close to labour, but not there yet, lost sleep/was uncomfortable, etc. for no reason. I ran it by both my husband (GP with maternity experience) and a friend of ours who does a ton of maternity, and they said that actually sounds about right. So I'm sitting on the membrane sweep until I'm 41+ and just so done.
I think they're going off of what they hear from patients afterwards. The practice encourages a lot of communication after sweeps, so any time anyone feels those cramps, etc, they're supposed to touch bases (during office hours). I guess that would catch people who a) went into labour or b) just felt really uncomfortable, but not the people who had no effect at all. Either way, I was convinced that waiting on the sweep probably wasn't going to make THAT much difference. I may feel differently by the time my next appointment on Tuesday rolls around...
I'm going for a prenatal massage tomorrow & am supposed to have a sweep at my appointment on tuesday. 37 weeks today & booked for induction on the 17th (a week on tuesday so 38+2) but theyre doing the sweep this week to see it i can go naturally myself if at all possible before induction.
@Janefelicity Make sure your massage therapist knows that you're trying to get things moving! I know there are certain spots massage therapists will avoid during a regular prenatal massage because they're associated with bringing on labour, so if you let your therapist know, they can spend some extra time on those spots. Or at least not avoid them! Let me know how the sweep goes; I'm definitely open to persuasion, so if you feel like it helped you, I'll be asking for it next week
My husband wasnt keen on me getting a sweep this week just incase, hes locum dr & has work booked all this week and doesnt want to let anyone down by cancelling last minute. I got a little snippy about it saying that really our babys arrival should be priority over work but i get where hes coming from too. I'll let you know how i get on @poetryandoceans though im dreading the thought of it tbh!
There's a british blogger who does funny stick men drawings of life as a mum (called hurrah for gin) on fb & instagram & she released a book which my sister & i both got each other for christmas. Thought this page was appropriate here!
Re: Ask a STM December edition
We will probably do the same for DS, but will try to limit outings a bit, as we will be coming from a NICU stay. I'd prefer to keep him home more, but with DD in school and DH's crazy schedule with his new restaurant, I'll have to be out with him.
personally, i think id go a little crazy being in the house for 6-8 weeks & not being out and about. That being said, until the baby arrives i cant say how ill feel & might want to go nowhere!
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
I'm sure I'll get comments either way I decide and just need to be ready for it. I know SIL waited 8 weeks with our nephew which meant she didn't bring him to our wedding or rehearsal dinner since he was only 4 weeks old then. I know DH and I told her we were fine with it either way and whatever she felt best with was what she should do but I felt bad b/c I heard some people tell her she was being crazy and they had their babies out within a week and they were just fine. People always have opinions...
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
FTM here but we have 4 ppl who are very close (3 fam and a godmother) who smoke. Esp when LO is a newborn, I don't want her exposed to 3rd hand smoke. These ppl are smart enough to not smoke near my kid but research is showing that even 3rd hand smoke (on skin and clothes) can be cancerous. Any ideas how to broach this subject? Just cover them w a blanket when she's a newborn?
Also, a good thing we learned in the NICU (which actually held some truth) was that DD couldn't be held right after a feeding because feedings would wear her out so much that she needed rest...you could maybe do something along those lines, saying how LO sleeps the best alone?
With smoking, I have a couple relatives who smoke, but I myself have always detested it, so these people naturally stay away from me if they smoke. And when my kids are around, my sister will wash her hands and wear a special jacket to smoke in, then just take the jacket off when she's done. It's easier than having to completely change her shirt. So that might be an idea, to ask those people to wear an extra layer just for smoking?
Babywearing is a good deterrent because in the stroller people will come right up and look. I will say though if you're planning to nurse especially in the beginning the baby's going to nurse a lot and naturally want mama anyway so that's an easy way to get the baby back or not to pass the baby off because he just wants mama with a big smile on your face of a happy contented nursing mother.
Having older kids there will be absolutely no way we can stay in the house more than a week or two while my husband is off. Between dropping off at preschool, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, dance etc. there are just so many activities my kids are in that it will be inevitable to be out and about.
You can absolutely always say no to invitations you're not comfortable with because remember you are the mom and that is your child. I remember being a first-time mom and having two babies and feeling like any time we went to a family function I barely saw them because all the family members wanted to pass them around and be helpful. With my youngest she was always more Mommycentric and I just held on to her and held my ground a lot more.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
I love the idea of baby wearing to ward off people from holding baby. I don't mind if ILs or someone holds her, but I'll be damned if we're going to play pass the baby around church or family functions.
Barring a situation where the baby is immunocompromised, there's no way I could avoid public places for six weeks. I'd go bonkers. I'm hoping to wear him so I don't really anticipate that being a problem.
Unless, like you said, she is immunocompromised, we can't be staying in for 6w. That would drive me absolutely crazy. I've never had problems with DD1 and random strangers coming to try to touch her, but if that becomes an issue I'll just start telling people to back off. I'm starting to give no fucks about hurting people's feelings when it comes to my kids.
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17
So, given that, what did you STMs do to bring on labour (besides have a healthy attitude and accept that baby will come when baby is ready, because I've tried that, and I can't do it). Or what are you first timers planning on doing as the time approaches?
Things I have tried:
Red Raspberry Leaf Tea since 36 weeks*
Dates since 36 weeks*
Evening Primrose Oil since 38 weeks
Pineapple
Sex
Walking
I'm hesitant to try hot sauce, because my heartburn/acid reflux is no joke, and if it didn't bring on labour, I feel like I'd be EXTRA miserable.
*both of those are more things to prep the body for labour and have some studies that suggest they help. They don't actually bring on labour sooner; otherwise I wouldn't have started them at 36 weeks.
Good luck!
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
Im personally in the camp that he/she won't come til they're ready but I know how hard it is at the end. You've come so far and the unknown waiting period is tough.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Off to google pressure points and recipes for Eggplant Parm...
With my research it seems membrane sweep and (With doc permission)) taking castor oil are the most promising for labor starters. Goodluck!
The only "trick" I had tried prior to that was walking but I've never put much thought into those as I believe they're all kind of BS.... baby really does come when he/she is ready. Like you said @poetryandoceans I think it's mostly done to keep busy!
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
I have an appointment with an acupuncturist for Wednesday, who is going to do a combo of acupuncture/acupressure/reflexology. Fingers crossed that'll work if nothing else has by then!
I actually had a convo with my MW about membrane sweeping at my last appointment. She says they do it if you're a week or more postdates, or if you as a patient really really want it, but that their practice has decided it's not the most useful early intervention. She says it'll put you into labour about 25% of the time, and she assumes a lot of those women were about ready to go anyway, but that 100% of the time it'll give you a day or two of cramping/discomfort/lost sleep. And for the 75% of women that doesn't turn into labour for, they've created a situation where a patient close to labour, but not there yet, lost sleep/was uncomfortable, etc. for no reason. I ran it by both my husband (GP with maternity experience) and a friend of ours who does a ton of maternity, and they said that actually sounds about right. So I'm sitting on the membrane sweep until I'm 41+ and just so done.
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14