My 5 year old woke up in the middle of the night and climbed into our bed for like 3 weeks after we told them about the baby. I think kids have those transition times even when they can't say what's bothering them, no matter the age. I am a big proponent of giving them what they need at that point and not worrying about it being something we need to fix in the moment.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
@becbec28 With my oldest, I had an induction without an epidural. DD was born within 5 hours of starting the pitocin. It certainly hurt but the idea of an epidural scared me more. -I've had major needle issues my whole life though.
@becbec28 i started getting the induction meds to give me stronger contractions at 9am, i had diamorphine at around 2pm as the baby was back to back, she flipped and i was fine for a wile with gas and air, then she flipped again & i had my first epidural around 7pm, it didnt work and i got a second round about 9pm which wore off after about an hour or so then it was gas and air only until i started pushing around half 11 and at 1am they decided surgery was the way forward as she just wasnt coming out & i had a spinal & a try with forceps then section & she was out by 1:21am. For me i think the pain was the worst at the time i asked for the diamorphine, i was literally in tears squealing that they had to give me something cause i couldnt bare it any longer. But everyone is different and you'll know your own body and all i would say is that you dont have to be a martyr for the pain it you feel you need something tell them. I had no preconceptions going in of what i would or wouldnt take, was very much if i need it then ill take it but if i dont i wont. I took all of the drugs and have absolutely no regrets about it, it got me through and cora is a perfect wee doll.
@becbec28 With my oldest, I had an induction without an epidural. DD was born within 5 hours of starting the pitocin. It certainly hurt but the idea of an epidural scared me more. -I've had major needle issues my whole life though.
So have you had labor without Pitocin? How did the contractions compare? I don't like the idea of an epi either but I'm worried about being in labor ALL night with no relief.
@becbec28 I only had some minor contractions with DS, but due to his breech position and PPROM I had to have a cesarean at 34 weeks. So I had the spinal injection to prep for this. My experience with that wasn't great. I got sick and my BP dropped super low. I could feel lots of pressure, pulling, and discomfort but because of a bicorniate uterus there was a lot of tissue stuck in one side that my doc had difficulty getting out. I lost a lot of blood in the process. Afterward, my doc said I would have most likely needed an emergency c section or d &c afterwards if we had made it to term for a vaginal birth. Like previous poster stated, only you know what pain you can handle and that can change at any point during your labor. I'm a crazy-planning fanatic so the change in birth plan was hard for me to accept, but it was the safe plan for my babe, so I know it was for the best.
@becbec28 I had pitocin started at 12 or so on a Friday. Labored all day but got no where (didn't feel contractions), so they stopped at night and restarted in the morning. Doctor also broke my water in the morning. I started feeling the contractions around 12 or so and then I asked for the epidural around 4:30. Doc was irritated because I was only 2cm and he said I'll probably have to have a section. I didn't care. I got it, felt fine, got a bit of a nap and had DD at 11pm.
I literally fell asleep while getting my tattoo done so I was surprised that I couldn't handle the contractions well. You know your body though. I'm happy that I got it and don't regret it a bit. You'll know when it comes time what you wanna do. It's hard to picture how everything feels outside of actually having done it. And even now, I've forgotten a lot of it!
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
After starting Pitocin the contractions hit hard with my first. I labored 4 hours and then had the epidural, which I'm still thankful for! Then I labored for 14 more hours relatively comfortably.
Yesterday when we were talking about it my doctor said it would be better to get the epi earlier rather than later. But I have no idea how it's going to go and I don't want to be exhausted when it comes time to push. I guess we'll just see how everything goes. I'm a planner too so I don't like this not knowing anything.
Yesterday when we were talking about it my doctor said it would be better to get the epi earlier rather than later. But I have no idea how it's going to go and I don't want to be exhausted when it comes time to push. I guess we'll just see how everything goes. I'm a planner too so I don't like this not knowing anything.
If you're planning epidural no matter what, I think you might as well do it earlier. i don't see a good reason to put yourself through discomfort and pain when the epidural is inevitable. If you wait too long, it could be too late or you could be going through transition like me while the guy is trying to place it. That was like the worst part of my labor.
This is coming from a STM who is hoping to go epidural free this time so take whatever I say with a grain of salt.
@homemake Exactly that! I don't want to get it but if I need it I don't want to wait too long... It's so hard to know! Doctor said he'd start me on pit right away, around 6pm, then break my water around 11pm. I have no idea what I want to do. I'm not comfortable about an epi but I don't know how contractions will be or how long I'll be in labor. I guess now that it's so close all my fears are coming out...
@becbec28 FTM here so take this with all the salt-- I'm going to be induced and try to go with no epi. I know it can be done. I may end up getting an epi but I typically have nasty reactions to drugs so I want to avoid as many as I can.
That being said, here are some things that may help if you want to avoid an epidural: - figure out WHY you want to avoid the epidural. That may help you keep your resolve when you're in labor. - Talk to your care team and SO and ask them to not offer you an epi-- that way you can ask for it if you want it. It is also good to know your hospital's policy. My hospital has their anesthesiologist on the maternity floor so there is never a long wait. But your hospital may have one anesthesiologist servicing 3 floors of patients. - hire a doula to help with pain management, he/she can help you find positions to ease pain, breathe through contractions, etc. - read up on pain management techniques. Will your hospital let you get in the shower/ tub? Do they have birth balls? Did you take a birth class you can review the information for?
Ultimately, if you choose to have an epi it is your choice and not the end of the world. You haven't failed or some other nonsense. It may help ease your fears to do some research on epidurals-- the majority of women who have them love them and have no side effects or ill effects. Sometimes they can even benefit you and baby to let you rest/relax and then try to push.
I would say do a little research, know that you can decide after you get induced and only you will know what kind of pain you handle.
@becbec28 I wasn't induced, but did end up needing an epi to make it through labour. My only advice is don't be a hero. I hadn't planned on using the epidural at all, but I hit hour 40 and realized I wouldn't make it through the labour without some sleep. My contractions were almost on top of each other, and getting positioned and landmarked for the epi while trying to lay still through a contraction was on the top 5 worst moments of the labour for me. Don't wait too long, if you think it's something that you'll need.
I do want to counterbalance that, though, by saying that I was already a ways into transition when I asked for an epi, and, this will sound masochistic, I am glad I experienced transition labour. It was an amazingly powerful emotional experience. I don't know if the epidural would impact that? Any STMs with info to weigh in on that?
@becbec28 I had an induction with Pitocin for DS1. I did okay from 7am-5ish pm, when I started majorly stalling. I had some sort of IV pain med that took the edge off for about 20 mins, then was back to breathing through the pain. Until I stalled again, and they put a hand inside of me during contractions to feel what they were doing. Awful, made me cry! That's about the time I wanted to give in and get the epidural, but ended up with a c-section instead.
I'm a budget spreadsheet nerd, and it's time to budget for a month that I'll mostly have a baby for. Clearly costs like daycare creep in later, but in terms of what I need to add for the first few months I've got:
-Formula if needed; plan A is to EBF -Extra in the grocery budget for me to eat all the food -$50 or so for odds and ends I'm forgetting about? -(diapers; we have already purchased our CD but leaving this here since it would apply for many) -(wipes; we were gifted enough to last us years but leaving this here again) -Pediatrician and/or MW copays, assuming that something will pop up as non-preventative for either him or I -A bit extra for water, sewer, utilities since there will be way more laundry and I'll be home all the time with lights and heat on -A little extra for takeout, which we normally don't do very much
For anyone else who was/is GBS+, I'm curious what your doc or midwife's recommendation was about when to go into the hospital. Mine told me that I was fine to stick with my original plan of waiting until 4-1-1 (contractions four minutes apart, one minute long, for one hour) unless my water breaks, in which case I call immediately and we work it out. The hospital is very close; just about a 15 minute drive. However, I'm reading online that you need to get two doses of antibiotics four hours apart to be safe, and I'm worried that would be cutting it way too close. My mom had a six hour labor start to finish, which doesn't mean that I will be the same but it does haunt my brain a bit.
@xstatic3333 I had it last time and my OB said that the second dose is kind of just a precaution and that most FTM will not deliver within four hours of being at the hospital so yes come in good time but don't worry about getting there as soon as you feel contractions. My water ended up breaking and I'm allergic to penicillin so my treatment was 8 hours apart so I went right away.
My practice this time isn't testing me and considers me a carrier so I'll have to have antibiotics again. Same story, come if 5 min apart or water breaks but I can come a bit earlier because I live an hour from the hospital.
Also I seriously would not put a lot of stock into your mom's labor experiences having any bearing on what will happen to you. My mom went super late and pushed for 3 hours. I went right on time and pushed for 20 minutes. Most of the people I know who have had babies, their labors do not mirror their mothers.
Thanks @homemake! I'm also getting a non-penicillin option but they didn't mention that as changing anything. I'd just feel so crappy if the baby had to go to the NICU because I waited too long. I'm so paranoid about missing early labor signs since I haven't felt BH very much. Ugh.
Thanks @homemake! I'm also getting a non-penicillin option but they didn't mention that as changing anything. I'd just feel so crappy if the baby had to go to the NICU because I waited too long. I'm so paranoid about missing early labor signs since I haven't felt BH very much. Ugh.
I never had early labor signs with my daughter and don't have any now either. It's a little weird when you're kind of searching for clues and have none. Hopefully we both get plenty of warning!
@Xstatic3333 cosigning on not going by your mum, necessarily. My mom went early for all her babes, and her longest labour was 12 hours. I went post dates and laboured for 48. I had expected to be just like mum, and received a nasty shock. Expect your labour to be your own.
although, when my MIL heard my labour story, we could have been twinsies. I basically replicated her labour with my husband to the minute. So who the fuck even knows?
Thanks guys! I definitely won't plan to go by my mom! It's more of a thing where I know a FTM that went quickly, who happens to be my mom, so I know it can happen even if it's unlikely, if that makes any sense. I'm also usually an "arrive ten minutes early" person so I know waiting at home (assuming I don't end up induced) will be mentally tough for me, even though it's the best approach.
@ColeBug89 I'm super close to both doctors, but good thought for anyone else thinking about this stuff! I actually think I'll save gas by not working.
@Xstatic3333 if it helps, my MW practice views 4-1-1 as fairly conservative for FTMs. Their policy is that FTMs should aim for 3-2-1 (3 minutes apart, for 2 hours, lasting 1 minute) before coming in, while STM+ should use the 4-1-1 rule. Their thinking is that STMs usually go a bit quicker. So based on my practice's logic, the timeline you're going in at is already for someone who may go a bit quicker.
@Xstatic3333 Your list looks good! I am also budgeting for some house cleaning to be done by someone other than me. I'm sure people will volunteer to help, but still.
Also I'm planning in the $100 range for odds and ends. Just because I really don't know what might come up... If we don't use it, no harm no foul!
@Xstatic3333 I'm the same way, I'm saving gas money by not commuting to work 5 days a week while on leave. However, we probably spent the equivalent driving to the hospital several times a day when DD was in the NICU. We're only about 15-20 minutes from the hospital, but it started to add up when we did multiple trips. DD's doctors office is also right next to the hospital, so it's not terribly far. I just know where I live some people live far out from everything, and may not consider gas in the budget.
@Xstatic3333 I've added a few things to our budget, don't know if they'd really apply to anyone else:
-hospital grade pump rental if needed -baby clothing budget (we're team green so I imagine once we finally know the sex we'll want to purchase more specific or special outfits for the baby instead of just relying on our gender neutral stash)
@homemake I am also GBS+ with a penicillin allergy, thank you for the helpful info! I've been wondering how that all might work
I am waiting to hear my results, but I was GBS+ with my last baby, and I want to talk to my doctor about staying at home longer this time, to hopefully progress more before going in. I was just reminded about the 8 hour window yesterday, so its something to consider.
As far as budgeting, I am not sure how eating usually works for you, but I am sure our take out budget goes up in the early days because no one feels like cooking.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
Just wanted to touch on the 4-1-1 or other rules... with both my other kids from the time I noticed labor started until they were born was about 15 hours. My contractions started at 20 minutes apart and slowly got closer together. They were 5-7 minutes apart for hours, and only went to being 3 or 4 minutes apart within the last 30 - 45 minutes. I definitely wouldn't want to wait for them to be 4 or less minutes apart if you have been laboring for a while because it might be pushing too close to time. We got to the hospital and I had DD within 30 minutes of arriving.
Just got back from my appointment and they gave me a sheet of when to call. Their office says for FTM, when contractions are 5 min apart for an hour. All others call when contractions are 5-10 minutes apart.
I think I'll need to play it by ear and go on instinct a bit. They definitely don't want to hear from me before 5 minutes apart, but maybe if it's a very intense contraction at that point I go ahead and call. It's a big, busy urban hospital and they'll send you home if you're not 100% in active labor. Maybe my water will break and make the decision for me. I always want to clarify whether I need the 8 hour drug cycles or 4. I think they're giving me Clindomycin or something like that. It's pretty cool-they ran my particular culture against a few different antibiotics to see what the options were, and there were several.
I think all practices have the caveat of "unless you feel you need to call in" (I mean, some people are dicks, but those people aside). Otherwise, there seems to be a "use your best judgement" clause to all these number rules out there. I wasn't quite at 3-2-1 when I called, and my MW was very reassuring when she showed up to check me. I think she thought she'd be telling me to labour at home for another few hours, but after the check, she said "And this is why we tell you to call in when you need to. You're ready to go to hospital now!"
Re: Ask a STM December edition
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17
But everyone is different and you'll know your own body and all i would say is that you dont have to be a martyr for the pain it you feel you need something tell them. I had no preconceptions going in of what i would or wouldnt take, was very much if i need it then ill take it but if i dont i wont. I took all of the drugs and have absolutely no regrets about it, it got me through and cora is a perfect wee doll.
So have you had labor without Pitocin? How did the contractions compare? I don't like the idea of an epi either but I'm worried about being in labor ALL night with no relief.
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17
Like previous poster stated, only you know what pain you can handle and that can change at any point during your labor. I'm a crazy-planning fanatic so the change in birth plan was hard for me to accept, but it was the safe plan for my babe, so I know it was for the best.
I literally fell asleep while getting my tattoo done so I was surprised that I couldn't handle the contractions well. You know your body though. I'm happy that I got it and don't regret it a bit. You'll know when it comes time what you wanna do. It's hard to picture how everything feels outside of actually having done it. And even now, I've forgotten a lot of it!
Yesterday when we were talking about it my doctor said it would be better to get the epi earlier rather than later. But I have no idea how it's going to go and I don't want to be exhausted when it comes time to push. I guess we'll just see how everything goes. I'm a planner too so I don't like this not knowing anything.
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17
This is coming from a STM who is hoping to go epidural free this time so take whatever I say with a grain of salt.
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17
That being said, here are some things that may help if you want to avoid an epidural:
- figure out WHY you want to avoid the epidural. That may help you keep your resolve when you're in labor.
- Talk to your care team and SO and ask them to not offer you an epi-- that way you can ask for it if you want it. It is also good to know your hospital's policy. My hospital has their anesthesiologist on the maternity floor so there is never a long wait. But your hospital may have one anesthesiologist servicing 3 floors of patients.
- hire a doula to help with pain management, he/she can help you find positions to ease pain, breathe through contractions, etc.
- read up on pain management techniques. Will your hospital let you get in the shower/ tub? Do they have birth balls? Did you take a birth class you can review the information for?
Ultimately, if you choose to have an epi it is your choice and not the end of the world. You haven't failed or some other nonsense. It may help ease your fears to do some research on epidurals-- the majority of women who have them love them and have no side effects or ill effects. Sometimes they can even benefit you and baby to let you rest/relax and then try to push.
I would say do a little research, know that you can decide after you get induced and only you will know what kind of pain you handle.
I do want to counterbalance that, though, by saying that I was already a ways into transition when I asked for an epi, and, this will sound masochistic, I am glad I experienced transition labour. It was an amazingly powerful emotional experience. I don't know if the epidural would impact that? Any STMs with info to weigh in on that?
@Gretchypoo This is all really excellent advice.
-Formula if needed; plan A is to EBF
-Extra in the grocery budget for me to eat all the food
-$50 or so for odds and ends I'm forgetting about?
-(diapers; we have already purchased our CD but leaving this here since it would apply for many)
-(wipes; we were gifted enough to last us years but leaving this here again)
-Pediatrician and/or MW copays, assuming that something will pop up as non-preventative for either him or I
-A bit extra for water, sewer, utilities since there will be way more laundry and I'll be home all the time with lights and heat on
-A little extra for takeout, which we normally don't do very much
Anything glaring that I'm missing here?
For anyone else who was/is GBS+, I'm curious what your doc or midwife's recommendation was about when to go into the hospital. Mine told me that I was fine to stick with my original plan of waiting until 4-1-1 (contractions four minutes apart, one minute long, for one hour) unless my water breaks, in which case I call immediately and we work it out. The hospital is very close; just about a 15 minute drive. However, I'm reading online that you need to get two doses of antibiotics four hours apart to be safe, and I'm worried that would be cutting it way too close. My mom had a six hour labor start to finish, which doesn't mean that I will be the same but it does haunt my brain a bit.
My practice this time isn't testing me and considers me a carrier so I'll have to have antibiotics again. Same story, come if 5 min apart or water breaks but I can come a bit earlier because I live an hour from the hospital.
Also I seriously would not put a lot of stock into your mom's labor experiences having any bearing on what will happen to you. My mom went super late and pushed for 3 hours. I went right on time and pushed for 20 minutes. Most of the people I know who have had babies, their labors do not mirror their mothers.
sorry that was so long!
although, when my MIL heard my labour story, we could have been twinsies. I basically replicated her labour with my husband to the minute. So who the fuck even knows?
@ColeBug89 I'm super close to both doctors, but good thought for anyone else thinking about this stuff! I actually think I'll save gas by not working.
Also I'm planning in the $100 range for odds and ends. Just because I really don't know what might come up... If we don't use it, no harm no foul!
Probably a good call @WinchesterGirl. We really don't know what we don't know at this point!
-hospital grade pump rental if needed
-baby clothing budget (we're team green so I imagine once we finally know the sex we'll want to purchase more specific or special outfits for the baby instead of just relying on our gender neutral stash)
@homemake I am also GBS+ with a penicillin allergy, thank you for the helpful info! I've been wondering how that all might work
As far as budgeting, I am not sure how eating usually works for you, but I am sure our take out budget goes up in the early days because no one feels like cooking.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17