I have tried to stay away from this debate but feel like I can weigh in at least a little. #1 I always have early morning appointments because then my provider isn't likely running behind (which would then make me run behind). I would never think about a time of day corresponds with a type of insurance. I don't give a crap what kind of insurance you have until I need to figure out what formulary your insurance has. Mainly because I feel like care is based on the patient and shouldn't be biased in any way. I just know that ALL people should have affordable medical care and have access to the care they need. I used to work in an extremely low income neighborhood in a notoriously underserved city and loved working with the population. Loved seeing the cute outfits my families would dress their kids in because they wanted to make them look their best for their well child visit. But if you came in your PJs, you still brought your child in for their care- all I ultimately care about. Never judge someone by their cover- your polished high income can be covering up abuse and your low income could have woken up extra early to take multiple buses just to get to their visit on time.
@PerraSucia Pretty sure that's me and my H most of the time, except a rung down on the fancy level. I look like I'm going to a business casual event, and he looks like he's going to...the backyard.
This is me and H. On his days off, H is in dirty-ass Carharts, work boots and a ripped t-shirt or equally dirty hoodie. And he is literally IN the back yard (or garage). He wears slightly less dirty/ripped jeans, sneakers and maybe a polo shirt to work, if he's feeling particularly fancy that day. I generally wear nice jeans with a cardigan and wedge booties/heeled boots/cute flats for work, but that's all you get from me. And I do it for myself, because it makes me feel more confident - not to make other people happy.
But when I get home, pants come off and sweats go on the second I walk in the door.
Everyone has covered all the class/race/socio-economic and social/emotional stuff that goes into this debate, so props to y'all.
I'm just going to say as someone coming up on 36 weeks and about to finish my last week of work, you couldn't pay me to try and look more put together at my MW's appointment. I'm near grown out of my maternity wear and I've already spent way too much on that shit because my job is judgemental as fuck about clothing and I basically had to buy a new wardrobe to work while pregnant and it was a huge privilege to be able to do that.
Why should I have to put effort in if I don't want to? It's one thing to say "I like looking put together and putting a little mascara on changes how I feel about myself" and another thing entirely to say "therefore, everyone should do that."
I'll be curious about what outfits everyone wears to their 38 week check-up, is all I'm saying.
This escalated so quickly! But it was definitely a good read! When I saw that chick roll into the doctors office yesterday with her sweatpants, uggs, t-shirt (over her belly, I might add, to reveal her cheetah print thong lol) I'm sure she was infinitely more comfortable than I was at 8am! But her income or method of insurance never once crossed my mind nor was I harshly judging her based on clothes. I just thought it was tacky. I totally get the emphasis on being comfortable! I wear leggings almost everyday. But they're always paired with a long shirt that covers my butt lol. Maybe it's just me being weird, but when I go to the doctor (and it's probably because I look identical to one of those heathen teenagers that had the dirty sex and am now ku) I get lots of dirty/weird looks from some older pregnant women, so I feel more personally obligated to make myself appear older and more capable while sitting in the waiting room amongst the older ladies in sweats and pjs.
Everyone else has already expressed my sentiments on this subject already, probably better than i wouldve worded it. So far at any of my appointments ive been coming from or going to work afterwards so am usually dressed a bit smarter. However, once i finish up work in 2 weeks i will be wearing whatever the hell fits me & is comfortable to appointments & intend to spend a large proportion of my day in pyjamas! That being said, i feel a bit better about myself when im dressed up and have a bit of make up on, but thats just for me not anyone else.
Re: underwear - I've discovered Duluth Trading buck naked briefs. They are kind of expensive (or I'm just cheap), but they don't ride up, they don't create a visible panty line, and they're super breathable.
I will say while I don't care if anyone wears sweats/whatever out of the house, I DO find visible thongs above the pant like pretty unattractive and trashy. Isn't the whole point of a thong for people NOT to see it?
@madamerwin Generally agree with you, but I do feel like all bets are off during pregnancy. If the underwear is comfortable, and if the pants are comfortable, they are going together, I don't care how they look. Yes, I personally would probably throw a tunic over the whale tail that might happen, but to each their own.
@poetryandoceans, touche. You're right, if it's comfortable when you're pregnant, more power to you. I don't really judge people with visible thongs per se, it's more I just want to go pull up their pants/pull down their shirt for them. Mainly it just annoys me when people do it intentionally (i.e. the whole whale tail phenomenon of the late 90's/early aughts).
@madamerwin Oh man, yeah, going out and selecting a wardrobe based on that style choice is a whole other thing. Do not get it.
I just know one of my few pairs of pants that is still comfortable these days gives me a total plumber butt, and if I had a thong that was comfortable at this point, I would be combining them without a single fuck given. But I think I've already established that I am just so over everything clothing related right now, so I'm probably not the best go-to person for hot fashion takes right now...
@madamerwin Oh man, yeah, going out and selecting a wardrobe based on that style choice is a whole other thing. Do not get it.
I just know one of my few pairs of pants that is still comfortable these days gives me a total plumber butt, and if I had a thong that was comfortable at this point, I would be combining them without a single fuck given. But I think I've already established that I am just so over everything clothing related right now, so I'm probably not the best go-to person for hot fashion takes right now...
If I didn't exclusively wear full-panel maternity pants these days, I would surely have some plumber butt going right now too. But I am in love with my maternity pants - I have two pairs of identical, stretchy skinny jeans and two pairs of black skinny jeans and they get me through life.
+1 to full panel maternity pants. That thick piece of hideous elastic is like a warm belly hug that holds your pants up.
I just hate the whole layering process when going to the bathroom. *pull up shirt, now tank top. Pull down panel, now pants and undies. *relief* pull up undies and pants, pull up panel. Smooth out wrinkles. Pull down tank top, panel rolls down. Smooth out wrinkles. Out of breath. Repeat 29473820107442 times a day.*
Guys, I'm getting too fucking big for the panel. I mainly have it folded down whenever I'm not at work because it leaves all these itchy uncomfortable marks all over my belly. I've pulled out my pre-pregnancy sweatpants for around the house because it's so much more comfortable. But they give me major plumber butt; I can't get them up as high as they should go, because bump. I'm not even sorry.
@LivingLaVidaGinger yes! PLUS - two pairs of my maternity pants slide down a little bit too easy, so I use a belly band with those, which adds yet another layer (and you have to make sure that the panel on the pants and the belly band are both straight and even and not folded over each other or wrinkled in weird ways). It's kind of ridiculous, especially when you really have to pee.
+14738298 to PPs response to the Judge Judy up in here.
I won't label anyone for their socioeconomical status based on their appearance - shoot, I only wear yoga pants and no makeup from Friday evening until Sunday because that's what I like and I don't really care what the world thinks of me.
And I really liked the point about not knowing what people are going through. When I was walking the halls like a zombie crying in my hoodie and sweatpants after finding out we lost our baby before this pregnancy, people prob thought I was SO poor and I didn't care about what I looked like! I should have totally tried to live up to their expectations. What was I even thinking!
Lurking from December 15 because my board is dead, but...
I was was one of those women on Medicaid in the OB's office. I was 23 years old, in college 18 hours a week, working damn near 40 hours a week, and while I had insurance, for some stupid reason, it covered everything but maternity, and I couldn't afford to get yet another private insurance policy for pregnancy. My appointments were always around 1-2 PM and some days I went in jeans or a maxi skirt, but most days it was yoga pants because I had hydronephrosis, my body couldn't eliminate extra fluid, and I swelled up like a blimp. I will also mention that I still look like I'm sixteen, and while I was engaged, I couldn't wear my ring after about 10 weeks because of the swelling. I'm sure someone probably looked at me and thought, "Oh, look at that kid on government assistance, dressing like a slob and being too lazy to get a job to support the kid she's carrying, because you know her baby daddy ain't gonna help." My point is, if someone was judging my whole life based on what I was (or wasn't) wearing, then it says a hell of a lot more about the kind of person they are than my clothes do about the kind of person I am. And you know, I'm glad you're feeling superior sitting there in your stuffy three piece suit, because I was damn comfortable (well, as comfortable as it was possible to be) in my yoga pants and flip flops, and I'll take comfort over superiority any day.
From a million posts back, none of my Christmas presents have bows, ribbons or strings. If you bring me one, it immediately gets snipped off, cut into small pieces and thrown away. Why? One of my cats is a stealth ribbon/string chewer/eater! She loves to eat the ribbons right off packages. Not worth a linear foreign body surgery. So please don't judge my bow-less gifts!
As far as judging others based on what they wear or efforts into how they look, everyone has covered it.
I'm currently a SAHM and wear mostly yoga pants, sweats and other comfy clothes. I'm married, well educated and old for a pregnant lady but, I'm choosing to be a SAHM and be with my child. We are doing just fine on my husband's income and have great insurance. I could buy high priced clothes and such, but it just isn't important to me. Losing my twins last year put life in general in perspective. So yeah, I might wear the same outfit to play with my son, clean the house, or go to an ob appointment. Putting on lipstick does nothing for me either. I don't roll out of bed and right out the door in wrinkly slept-in clothes, but a lot of what I wear could work for pjs too. If you want to dress fancy, go for it! But let me happily not care and spend money on other things. I promise to not show up at your fancy restaurant or ever go to an opera.
As others have said, we need less judgment of others and more acceptance that others' circumstances and priorities may be very different than yours.
Sooo....do yoga pants qualify under the pjs/sweats crowd b/c I totally wear yoga pants to every AM Dr appt. First, whether I get an US or not, I still get gunk smeared on my belly every appt to check heartbeat with the doppler and yoga pants are far easier to roll down and I don't care if I get the gunk on them since I can toss them in the hamper when I get home and put on whatever clothes I feel like wearing that day. And I am not on govt assistance, have no issues with people who are, and a few of my family members have used difference assistance programs in the past, and you would have never known by their appearance.
+1 to not liking being asked about how I feel all the damn time. Most of the time I feel like it's just a courtesy, and people don't really want to know that I'm sleeping pretty terribly, getting annoyed at everything I can't eat because of GD, and I pee a little when I sneeze. I always say "We're good! A little tired, but good!" And then people always respond "You think you're tired now?! You just wait, hahahaha." I swear, it's like I live in a loop. Always the same interaction, regardless of who it's with.
I HATE this saying. I always want to say to people, "Bitch please, I know how tired I will be with a newborn, but guess what I won't be? Watching everything I eat like a hawk, getting kicked in the ribs non-stop, peeing all the damn time, and just plain uncomfortable." I will take having a newborn over being pregnant any day. The glow is a myth...
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
+1 to not liking being asked about how I feel all the damn time. Most of the time I feel like it's just a courtesy, and people don't really want to know that I'm sleeping pretty terribly, getting annoyed at everything I can't eat because of GD, and I pee a little when I sneeze. I always say "We're good! A little tired, but good!" And then people always respond "You think you're tired now?! You just wait, hahahaha." I swear, it's like I live in a loop. Always the same interaction, regardless of who it's with.
I HATE this saying. I always want to say to people, "Bitch please, I know how tired I will be with a newborn, but guess what I won't be? Watching everything I eat like a hawk, getting kicked in the ribs non-stop, peeing all the damn time, and just plain uncomfortable." I will take having a newborn over being pregnant any day. The glow is a myth...
I felt that way the first time I was pregnant. Now im the asshole saying it.
+1 to not liking being asked about how I feel all the damn time. Most of the time I feel like it's just a courtesy, and people don't really want to know that I'm sleeping pretty terribly, getting annoyed at everything I can't eat because of GD, and I pee a little when I sneeze. I always say "We're good! A little tired, but good!" And then people always respond "You think you're tired now?! You just wait, hahahaha." I swear, it's like I live in a loop. Always the same interaction, regardless of who it's with.
I HATE this saying. I always want to say to people, "Bitch please, I know how tired I will be with a newborn, but guess what I won't be? Watching everything I eat like a hawk, getting kicked in the ribs non-stop, peeing all the damn time, and just plain uncomfortable." I will take having a newborn over being pregnant any day. The glow is a myth...
I felt that way the first time I was pregnant. Now im the asshole saying it.
Maybe I'll feel differently after this pregnancy, but I kind of doubt it. I really don't like being pregnant. At least when I have the newborn, I feel like I somewhat have my body back to myself, even though I didn't really because I was pumping. Baby steps though..
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
I know all babies are different, but I didn't know sleep deprivation until I had a newborn. She never slept more than an hour. By the time she was changed, fed, and back to sleep I'd get like 20 minutes until she was awake again. I was literally a zombie. I couldn't even think straight. So I'm with spicy, I am one of the ones saying it now!!
I know I won't have my body completely back for quite some time, or sleep well. But, I'll be able to eat again and run again (not right away, of course). I'll be able to sleep on my stomach when I do sleep, and have a beer with dinner. I won't face the judgement of weigh ins at check ups in quite the same way, and my coworkers will let me carry things again. I will be me, with a clingy outside baby attached to my boob who won't let me sleep. It will be hard, but a different hard and one that I currently look forward to.
Im with @Spicyweiner too. Ive currently feeling like I hit a wall of sharing my body, but there is also a little nagging voice like, "You know what's waiting for you".
I'm the opposite. I'm uncomfortable but I'm okay. I am worried about a crying clingy baby being attached to me constantly. As an introvert, I NEED alone time. H will help but babies can SMELL their mom's milk if it is in the house! I feel like I won't get alone time for 18 years. That makes me panic a little.
Having a newborn is hard but man being pregnant sucks and new baby smell is like crack for me. So it's way more rewarding. And you can't ever not be pregnant but my H would take my baby for walks with the dog so I could sleep. I bet he will walk both kids and the dog to drop off other guy at preschool.
I'm with @Xstatic3333 and @Aussie45. I haven't even really minded being pregnant, but man I miss working out.
ETA: I also miss not having mornings like this morning...where I put on a pair of shoes and immediately thought "WTF happened? These fit yesterday. I wore these shoes yesterday, right? Or did I wear those shoes? What did I even wear yesterday? What day is it?"
I know I won't have my body completely back for quite some time, or sleep well. But, I'll be able to eat again and run again (not right away, of course). I'll be able to sleep on my stomach when I do sleep, and have a beer with dinner. I won't face the judgement of weigh ins at check ups in quite the same way, and my coworkers will let me carry things again. I will be me, with a clingy outside baby attached to my boob who won't let me sleep. It will be hard, but a different hard and one that I currently look forward to.
Beer and stomach-sleeping sound like heaven right now.
Also, feeling my baby kick is a miracle and everything, but I'm so fucking over it. This kid gets hiccups like 6 times a day. Feeling hiccups in my butt every day is something I could easily have done without.
At least with the baby I can drink wine... I miss wine, I miss it esp when I grading horrible middle school papers.... that would drive anyone to drink.
I'm one of those bad moms who's had an occasional half glass of wine during my pregnancy. And I can't wait to drink several glasses of wine and actually really enjoy it. The main reason I only get through half is because I am paranoid/feeling guilty when I am having the wine. So much to the point that I don't even really want it anymore. Screw you society and all your stupid judgy people and crazy rules. I hate you!
Ok not really, but you guys know what I mean...
Me: 36, H: 37 FTM, 2 Furbabies married 03/17/07 lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC due: 2/15/17
I can always count on @NiceyMeany to identify with my beer-pining!
What you said totally makes sense too @Gretchypoo. I think we're all invariably going to find some stages harder and some stages easier, and which ones are which is going to vary person to person.
Right now I'm kind of in between "I'm ok still" and "I'm SO over being pregnant". I'm uncomfortable no matter what, I'm not sleeping well, I can't breathe, I have heartburn all the time, my back hurts, and she's like a ninja trying to escape constantly. I know it will be hard but a different hard. I'm just so excited to meet her and see what she looks like. Plus, when she's here I won't be going to work all day long and there will be an actual reason for being awake during the night. And I'll be able to eat like a normal person again!!! Not having to worry and actually getting to eat when I'm hungry.
Re: UO Thursday, 12/8
But when I get home, pants come off and sweats go on the second I walk in the door.
I'm just going to say as someone coming up on 36 weeks and about to finish my last week of work, you couldn't pay me to try and look more put together at my MW's appointment. I'm near grown out of my maternity wear and I've already spent way too much on that shit because my job is judgemental as fuck about clothing and I basically had to buy a new wardrobe to work while pregnant and it was a huge privilege to be able to do that.
Why should I have to put effort in if I don't want to? It's one thing to say "I like looking put together and putting a little mascara on changes how I feel about myself" and another thing entirely to say "therefore, everyone should do that."
I'll be curious about what outfits everyone wears to their 38 week check-up, is all I'm saying.
Edited bc words.
So far at any of my appointments ive been coming from or going to work afterwards so am usually dressed a bit smarter. However, once i finish up work in 2 weeks i will be wearing whatever the hell fits me & is comfortable to appointments & intend to spend a large proportion of my day in pyjamas!
That being said, i feel a bit better about myself when im dressed up and have a bit of make up on, but thats just for me not anyone else.
I will say while I don't care if anyone wears sweats/whatever out of the house, I DO find visible thongs above the pant like pretty unattractive and trashy. Isn't the whole point of a thong for people NOT to see it?
I just know one of my few pairs of pants that is still comfortable these days gives me a total plumber butt, and if I had a thong that was comfortable at this point, I would be combining them without a single fuck given. But I think I've already established that I am just so over everything clothing related right now, so I'm probably not the best go-to person for hot fashion takes right now...
I just hate the whole layering process when going to the bathroom. *pull up shirt, now tank top. Pull down panel, now pants and undies. *relief* pull up undies and pants, pull up panel. Smooth out wrinkles. Pull down tank top, panel rolls down. Smooth out wrinkles. Out of breath. Repeat 29473820107442 times a day.*
Married: 10/10
EDD: 8/27/16 MMC 1/16
Rainbow Boy: 2/04/17
TTC: 4/18 BFP: 1/2/19
EDD: 9/6/19
Thats all.
I won't label anyone for their socioeconomical status based on their appearance - shoot, I only wear yoga pants and no makeup from Friday evening until Sunday because that's what I like and I don't really care what the world thinks of me.
And I really liked the point about not knowing what people are going through. When I was walking the halls like a zombie crying in my hoodie and sweatpants after finding out we lost our baby before this pregnancy, people prob thought I was SO poor and I didn't care about what I looked like! I should have totally tried to live up to their expectations. What was I even thinking!
I was was one of those women on Medicaid in the OB's office. I was 23 years old, in college 18 hours a week, working damn near 40 hours a week, and while I had insurance, for some stupid reason, it covered everything but maternity, and I couldn't afford to get yet another private insurance policy for pregnancy. My appointments were always around 1-2 PM and some days I went in jeans or a maxi skirt, but most days it was yoga pants because I had hydronephrosis, my body couldn't eliminate extra fluid, and I swelled up like a blimp. I will also mention that I still look like I'm sixteen, and while I was engaged, I couldn't wear my ring after about 10 weeks because of the swelling. I'm sure someone probably looked at me and thought, "Oh, look at that kid on government assistance, dressing like a slob and being too lazy to get a job to support the kid she's carrying, because you know her baby daddy ain't gonna help." My point is, if someone was judging my whole life based on what I was (or wasn't) wearing, then it says a hell of a lot more about the kind of person they are than my clothes do about the kind of person I am. And you know, I'm glad you're feeling superior sitting there in your stuffy three piece suit, because I was damn comfortable (well, as comfortable as it was possible to be) in my yoga pants and flip flops, and I'll take comfort over superiority any day.
From a million posts back, none of my Christmas presents have bows, ribbons or strings. If you bring me one, it immediately gets snipped off, cut into small pieces and thrown away. Why? One of my cats is a stealth ribbon/string chewer/eater! She loves to eat the ribbons right off packages. Not worth a linear foreign body surgery. So please don't judge my bow-less gifts!
As far as judging others based on what they wear or efforts into how they look, everyone has covered it.
I'm currently a SAHM and wear mostly yoga pants, sweats and other comfy clothes. I'm married, well educated and old for a pregnant lady but, I'm choosing to be a SAHM and be with my child. We are doing just fine on my husband's income and have great insurance. I could buy high priced clothes and such, but it just isn't important to me. Losing my twins last year put life in general in perspective. So yeah, I might wear the same outfit to play with my son, clean the house, or go to an ob appointment. Putting on lipstick does nothing for me either. I don't roll out of bed and right out the door in wrinkly slept-in clothes, but a lot of what I wear could work for pjs too. If you want to dress fancy, go for it! But let me happily not care and spend money on other things. I promise to not show up at your fancy restaurant or ever go to an opera.
As others have said, we need less judgment of others and more acceptance that others' circumstances and priorities may be very different than yours.
Now im the asshole saying it.
ETA: I also miss not having mornings like this morning...where I put on a pair of shoes and immediately thought "WTF happened? These fit yesterday. I wore these shoes yesterday, right? Or did I wear those shoes? What did I even wear yesterday? What day is it?"
Also, feeling my baby kick is a miracle and everything, but I'm so fucking over it. This kid gets hiccups like 6 times a day. Feeling hiccups in my butt every day is something I could easily have done without.
Married to my Soul Mate since 09/06/09
FTM, 2 Furbabies
married 03/17/07
lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC
due: 2/15/17
What you said totally makes sense too @Gretchypoo. I think we're all invariably going to find some stages harder and some stages easier, and which ones are which is going to vary person to person.
Right now I'm kind of in between "I'm ok still" and "I'm SO over being pregnant". I'm uncomfortable no matter what, I'm not sleeping well, I can't breathe, I have heartburn all the time, my back hurts, and she's like a ninja trying to escape constantly. I know it will be hard but a different hard. I'm just so excited to meet her and see what she looks like. Plus, when she's here I won't be going to work all day long and there will be an actual reason for being awake during the night. And I'll be able to eat like a normal person again!!! Not having to worry and actually getting to eat when I'm hungry.
Married: 9/2013
Love my LEO!!
TTC #1: 9/2015
BFP: 2/1/16 MC 2/8/16 @ 5wks
BFP: 5/22/16 RAINBOW BABY
EDD: 1/30/2017 *IT'S A GIRL!!!!*
Kirsten Grace 1/20/17