@F47, I think it may be a little weird having someone permanently living in your house if you aren't used to it. I grew up with a nanny till I was 7, so we were pretty used to it, and my nanny was totally a part of our family by the end of it all. But the convenience I think for having someone there all the time, and not having to pick up/drop off....seems to be worth it!
They are never called au pairs here but usually "house girl" (which sounds worse than it is) but basically any family that can afford it has at least one "house helper" that helps with the kid(s), cooking and cleaning. We've talked about it a lot, I am NOT interested in having someone live in our house, but we've also talked to DH's mom and she's interested in splitting apparently. We haven't really come up with a plan yet, but they would live at MIL's (which is like 15 steps away from our house).
@kmolleltz that plan sounds so much better to me. Help at home sounds great, but I am totally uninterested in having someone live here with us. Zero interest. Having a mom or MIL here for a few weeks has me stressed out enough as is lol.
Also @KarenBM13 the 30 year nanny situation made me laugh a bit, but then struck a little terror in my heart.
@SuperNerd42 It is terrifying! It is just such a weird relationship! I am much more comfortable with the idea of someone only being in my house temporarily.
@books&icecream That is a really good point about considering boundaries/rules. My boss and his wife couldn't handle having au pairs because his wife couldn't NOT worry about the 19 year old au pair like she was a child. It just caused her more stress than it was worth.
My previous boss hired a nanny who lived with them 24/7....and she said it was actually a great situation but only with the right person. She went through I think 3 or 4 nannies, and she would have problems such as: boyfriends coming over, sneaking out at night, etc etc.
If we were to go the au pair route, I think the living situation would have to be super specific. Like she'd have to live in a granny flat connected to our house. Somewhere where she can have her own bath/kitchen/entrance, but still be technically in our household.
@books&icecream, love that your au pairs were at your wedding! It's hard to not get close to your nanny/au pair. I am also still close to my very first nanny!
I don't get the concept of not letting/wanting your nanny/au pair to have their own life outside of the house. Why wouldn't they date and have friends and hobbies? As long is it isn't interfering with the care of the child/children, I think it's something to be encouraged. I mean, they aren't 15 year olds, these are technically grown ass people.
I'm +1 for feeling weird about someone living in my home. I'm a very hermit-ish type person though and don't even really like having my friends and family over too much. It does sound more time efficient and economical than day care though.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
+1 for not wanting someone to live with me. The concept is nice, but.... I don't want to share my house and life with someone else. I want to be loud when I want to be loud and run around with my girls in our underwear eating icecream and doing fun stuff that I probably wouldn't be so comfortable doing with a live-in nanny or au pair. All kinds of situations I can think of that would be uncomfortable, actually. Lol
@MRSCORKER I don't understand giving them lifestyle rules either. Let them be people just like any other job. I thought these things when I watched the Nanny Diaries movie! Haha
I also would not want someone living with us. I didn't grow up with a nanny/Au pair so I'm not sure what I would do with them in the house all the time!! My mom was fortunate to be able to stay home with us (jealous) and we had a regular crew of babysitters when my parents were out.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Agree with you ladies: @MRSCORKER and @ibabyloveb87. They need their own lives and as long as they are doing their job, they can do whatever they want. I think I'd have the: "no drugs in my household" rule though and "if you will have visitors, at least introduce them to me, since it's our house".
But yeah, I couldn't deal unless we had a place that had a separate entrance for the au pair's living area. That way she feels like she has her own apartment.
I'm on the struggle bus today. My tailbone is hurts so bad. But, I can only stand for about 5 minutes at a time before I get winded. FROM STANDING!!! How am I only 33 1/2 weeks?!
I really have no opinion about au pairs but wanted to add a funny story: my dh's cousin decided to go with an au pair one year when her boys were younger but they live in DC so we really don't see/talk to them much. At Christmas we got a card from them and there was this youngish girl in the back of the boys, next to her dh (cousin was sitting on a chair next to the boys). I guessed she was probably a nanny/au pair right away but my dh was like freaked out by her sudden appearance. I was like 'babe it's not like a sister wives thing, it's probably just the boy's nanny!'. Haha I am still amused to this day that he was freaked out thinking she was there for his cousins dh. *insert eye roll*
You guys, I should probably save this for FFFC, but I"m ashamed at myself. I WAS A JERK TODAY and I didn't follow rules or instructions.
I jammed my Amazon return package in the UPS dropbox, and now I can't open the door and I can't shove the package down either. My arm hurts and I have a bruise from trying to insert my arm in it to push it down or pull it out. (I deserve it).
Today I got some really sweet time with the little we're working to adopt because he woke up from nap 15 minutes before the rest of his group gets woken up. We went outside and blew bubbles and he was being super adorable. When all the rest of his group came outside and started putting on their shoes and getting ready to play he told me "okay, you can go now" and ran off after his friends. I know it's a good thing that he likes to play with them but this was the FIRST time he's done something like this and all the feels just punched me in the face. hahah
H couldn't do an au pair but I totally could- as long as they were in an apartment basement with separate entry or MIL type suite. I agree with the sentiment that as long as they are doing their job well, I could care less about their personal life - except when it comes to a guy staying over with them. If they are married then sure, of course he can live there. But otherwise it needs to be a situation in which he is not on the property- it's still my house after all.
Hahaha! Oh noooo @annabenanna that is totally something I would do too.
You guys the pregnancy rage is real this last month.
I have no patience or time for anyone or anything. I posted a nice little post about grandparents and tagged my mom, dad and step dad (he's been my 2nd dad since I was 9). Now my dad's wife, has only been around the last 5 years or so, and I can't stand her. No one can. And he knows it, but I try REALLY hard to be cordial and not hurt her feelings. My dad facebooked me and said I should "Throw her a bone" and tag her as well. She literally didn't even cross my mind. She's not maternal, she knows nothing about me, and she only wants to partake in things and my life when things are happy. Way to ruin a nice post dad... he couldn't even take the damn compliment of "hey our kid is lucky to have you.". I can't stand that bitch. And between her and DH's mother, I'm so tired of trying to make people happy and not hurt people's goshdarn feelings.
@Julia70286 - nope. We are all adults here. If it were me I would probably just ignore the message from your dad- if he brings it up then tell him you don't have time to worry about people's weird high school-ish FB hangups.
@NoraAurora RIGHT?! I told him I'd update just because I didn't want the drama and she is exhausting. He responded something like he appreciated it, but I'm ignoring from now on.
Last night I dreamt I gave birth at home but then the placenta wouldn't come out...so I shoved the baby back in!!! Then I told my husband that we had to go to the hospital and he didn't want to because he didn't want to put pants on. I scolded him this morning and then remembered it was just a dream
It's health month at our office so we've had like amazing healthy breakfasts and stuff like that. Today was a free 10 min massage. My shoulders feel amazing now. She was so good!
@julia70286 my mil has a boyfriend for almost 20 years now who won't get a divorce from his wife bc he is cheap. he told my husbands aunt that he wants the baby to call him "Papu". you don't get a term of endearment when you're too goddamn cheap to make an honest woman out of my mil who stuck w you for two decades!!! also he refuses to move closer to her family even though his commute is way shorter and it's cheaper to live. and she doesn't drive so we always have to deal with him ANDDD if I put out like chips and guac, he eats the entire thing before anyone else gets here!
I posted a bunch of stuff on Poshmark, Offerup and Ebay... DH and I had a major cleaning spree over the weekend and I posted clothes, halloween costumes, shoes and my Sonoline Doppler.
Got a message from a chick on Offerup today:
"hi do you still have your doppler? I don't have an appointment with my doctor till the 21st and I just want to hear my baby's heartbeat"
me: "i still have it. it's easier to find the heartbeat when the baby is a little bit further along. have you been to a doctor? have you heard your baby's heartbeat?" (i just wanted to make sure she knew it would be super hard to find heartbeat earlier than 10 weeks)
her: "yes i have, but i'm switching insurances so i have to get that figured out before i get seen again. i have heard this baby's heartbeat, i'm 12 weeks along. it's just that i'm part of a group on the bump app, and i'm getting anxious reading all the posts"
My brother and SIL got a nanny but she is there from 7am - 6pm so she's practically living there. Well I had to let some pregnancy rage free on them last time we were all together in the summer because they were going on and on about how having a nanny was better than dropping their daughter off at some stranger's house, and how they could never do that and blah blah blah until finally I said "can we stop talking about how great nanny's are because some of us in this world can't afford one and will have to rely on the in home daycares so we can work and I'd rather not be made to feel like a bad mom for it!" That shut them up quickly!
But their nanny worked a week and then had a family emergency in the Philippines and requested 3 weeks off - and since she is entitled to 2 weeks vacation, my brother had to agree to 2 weeks but my SIL just went back to work so they're screwed.
@laurapcos, I'm so glad you said something! I can't stand people like that! One girl I know said "but how could you go back to work when baby is only 3 months old? I could never do that." and I was like "well Yvonne, what do you want me to say? That I wish my husband made 300k a year so I don't have to go back to work?"
@annabenanna@LauraPCOS I've had comments along the same lines. My MIL (who was a completely absentee parent and basically missed H's entired childhood because she was God knows where doing God knows what) asked if I was taking 6 months of maternity leave. I said "6 months?! What country do you think we live in? I get 12 weeks." Her response was "Oh well, I guess you'll just have to miss him growing up then."
ETA: H and I just looked at each other in shock but I wish I said "Sorry, we can't all quit our jobs and freeload off of everyone around us." *Like she has for the past 2 decades*
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
My MIL (and a lot of the seniors I work with) had asked me if I planned on coming back to work. I always respond, "Absolutely. I love my job and I like working, I couldn't imagine not coming back" (which is completely true, I definitely want to and plan to return to work). Then my MIL says, "Oh well I couldn't imagine not being able to stay home like I did with my kids. I want to be the one to actually raise my children."
When she said this I was dumbfounded. I literally looked at her and said, "Excuse me? Both of my parents worked when I was younger and they sure as hell were still the ones who raised me. They also taught me a lot about their work ethic and time management between work and home. I fully intend to make sure we are the ones raising our daughter and future kids whether I am working or a SAHM."
It baffles me (actually not really) that no one ever asks the fathers these questions or expects them to stay home or is shocked when they are looking forward to returning to work
@emmaaa Yes! No one is asking my H how long he's taking off. In fact, they're all shocked when it comes up that he's taking a week, and not shocked at how short it is. They're shocked he's taking that long... Seriously?! 1 week is NOTHING. It is nowhere near enough time for him to bond with LO or settle in with a newborn but I guess that's not his problem? Ugh, eye roll.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@MRSCORKER That's how I feel anytime my mom opens up her big mouth about ANYTHING pregnancy or parenting related... I just sit there thinking What right do you have to say a word to me? You took a 15 YEAR break from us... I'm raising my babies, whether I'm working or going to school, I, ME, I am raising my children, and making sure they are provided for.
@MRSCORKER@AllyTheKid@emmaaa, it's just shocking when people inject their own opinions "well if it were me, i would...." "if that was my baby, I would never...." I wanna get all bitchy and say "yeah but it's not your kid, so i guess you don't have to worry about the choices we make."
@cassieleeanne, i'm trying to make peace with a C-section and a breech baby. That way I don't set myself up for disappointment later on if he doesn't turn. Hoping yours does!
If one of us were to be a stay at home parent, it would be my husband. I make so much more money than he does (I will actually be making more money than him while I am on disability, even). However, I think it would hurt his man ego. I agree though, I don't understand why all of the pressure is on us mom's to stay home. My parents worked, I went to daycare and spent time with my grandparents after school, but my parents still raised me.
@annabenanna I'm kind of going off in a different direction with this now, but her opinions irritate me the most when it involves the well being of "HER grandchildren"... bitch, you didn't care about the well being of your own children, what's so different now? I've already got more parenting in under my belt than she ever accumulated... it just irritates the shit out of me. And yet, I deal with it. Always. Why???
@AllyTheKid, because you're a good daughter, that's why. You both know you're a better parent than she ever was (even though she won't admit it). You're just classy that you don't have to say anything to prove a point.
On a different rant - my husband just made me call L&D because our son is having regular hiccups and he read somewhere that it could be due to lack of oxygen. Even though I had an OB appt yesterday and everything looks good, including his heart beat, nope he yelled and freaked out until I called that very minute in the car to speak to a nurse to make sure it was okay. Then when the nurse said it was normal and stop reading up on so much, he found another website that said hiccups are completely normal. This man is going to send me into labour!!
@MRSCORKER UGH!! That is seriously unbelievable. I hate when people make such ignorant comments! Makes me angry just thinking about it. Kudos to you ladies for your comebacks!
@mrszoess TWENTY years?! Ugh. The "step parent" struggle is real. Mine also insists on a nickname. My dad is going to be "pop pop" and she has decided she wants to be called... Lolli. So it's lolli and pop pop. NO. JUST NO. Her name is her regular name because I will never call her by anything else.
I can just imagine this kid coming home from their house and being like "Why is that lady calling herself Lolli? Weirdo."
@Julia70286 I realize this is insensitive but calling them lolli and pop pop is kind of hilarious - how long will it take your kid to start referring to them collectively as lollipop?
Re: Weekly Randoms 9/12
Also @KarenBM13 the 30 year nanny situation made me laugh a bit, but then struck a little terror in my heart.
@books&icecream That is a really good point about considering boundaries/rules. My boss and his wife couldn't handle having au pairs because his wife couldn't NOT worry about the 19 year old au pair like she was a child. It just caused her more stress than it was worth.
If we were to go the au pair route, I think the living situation would have to be super specific. Like she'd have to live in a granny flat connected to our house. Somewhere where she can have her own bath/kitchen/entrance, but still be technically in our household.
@books&icecream, love that your au pairs were at your wedding! It's hard to not get close to your nanny/au pair. I am also still close to my very first nanny!
I'm +1 for feeling weird about someone living in my home. I'm a very hermit-ish type person though and don't even really like having my friends and family over too much. It does sound more time efficient and economical than day care though.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
I also would not want someone living with us. I didn't grow up with a nanny/Au pair so I'm not sure what I would do with them in the house all the time!! My mom was fortunate to be able to stay home with us (jealous) and we had a regular crew of babysitters when my parents were out.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
But yeah, I couldn't deal unless we had a place that had a separate entrance for the au pair's living area. That way she feels like she has her own apartment.
I jammed my Amazon return package in the UPS dropbox, and now I can't open the door and I can't shove the package down either. My arm hurts and I have a bruise from trying to insert my arm in it to push it down or pull it out. (I deserve it).
I need to write an apology note to the UPS guy.
You guys the pregnancy rage is real this last month.
I have no patience or time for anyone or anything. I posted a nice little post about grandparents and tagged my mom, dad and step dad (he's been my 2nd dad since I was 9). Now my dad's wife, has only been around the last 5 years or so, and I can't stand her. No one can. And he knows it, but I try REALLY hard to be cordial and not hurt her feelings. My dad facebooked me and said I should "Throw her a bone" and tag her as well. She literally didn't even cross my mind. She's not maternal, she knows nothing about me, and she only wants to partake in things and my life when things are happy. Way to ruin a nice post dad... he couldn't even take the damn compliment of "hey our kid is lucky to have you.". I can't stand that bitch. And between her and DH's mother, I'm so tired of trying to make people happy and not hurt people's goshdarn feelings.
END RANT.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
I don't get people and their weird drama.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
@Julia70286, ugh. sorry you are having to deal with drama! I agree with @NoraAurora , ignore the message if you can!
cheaper to live. and she doesn't drive so we always have to deal with him ANDDD if I put out like chips and guac, he eats the entire thing before anyone else gets here!
sorry I had to get that out. but I feel you.
I posted a bunch of stuff on Poshmark, Offerup and Ebay... DH and I had a major cleaning spree over the weekend and I posted clothes, halloween costumes, shoes and my Sonoline Doppler.
Got a message from a chick on Offerup today:
"hi do you still have your doppler? I don't have an appointment with my doctor till the 21st and I just want to hear my baby's heartbeat"
me: "i still have it. it's easier to find the heartbeat when the baby is a little bit further along. have you been to a doctor? have you heard your baby's heartbeat?" (i just wanted to make sure she knew it would be super hard to find heartbeat earlier than 10 weeks)
her: "yes i have, but i'm switching insurances so i have to get that figured out before i get seen again. i have heard this baby's heartbeat, i'm 12 weeks along. it's just that i'm part of a group on the bump app, and i'm getting anxious reading all the posts"
It's a small world after all.
But their nanny worked a week and then had a family emergency in the Philippines and requested 3 weeks off - and since she is entitled to 2 weeks vacation, my brother had to agree to 2 weeks but my SIL just went back to work so they're screwed.
ETA: H and I just looked at each other in shock but I wish I said "Sorry, we can't all quit our jobs and freeload off of everyone around us."
*Like she has for the past 2 decades*
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
After having a four day weekend I feel like I haven't been on here forever. Instead of working I felt like I needed some time to bump after lunch..
@annabenanna my baby is not head down either which has me nervous as well...
When she said this I was dumbfounded. I literally looked at her and said, "Excuse me? Both of my parents worked when I was younger and they sure as hell were still the ones who raised me. They also taught me a lot about their work ethic and time management between work and home. I fully intend to make sure we are the ones raising our daughter and future kids whether I am working or a SAHM."
It baffles me (actually not really) that no one ever asks the fathers these questions or expects them to stay home or is shocked when they are looking forward to returning to work
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
@cassieleeanne, i'm trying to make peace with a C-section and a breech baby. That way I don't set myself up for disappointment later on if he doesn't turn.
I can just imagine this kid coming home from their house and being like "Why is that lady calling herself Lolli? Weirdo."
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
DS#2 due 25 April 2019