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PPD/Baby Blues

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Re: PPD/Baby Blues

  • JoMunsonJoMunson member
    Nicbert1214 said:
    I find myself back on this thread after a few rough days. Today I decided to set up an appointment with the therapist for next week because I have come to terms with the fact that these awful feelings are not just going to go away on their own. I am so saddened that all that excitement and joy I felt while I was pregnant has completely vanished and I want my old life back with DH. I know a lot of FTMs or any moms for that matter feel this way, and people keep telling me it will get better, but quite honestly, I just can't see that happening at all. I find myself wishing I could turn back time to the day DH and I decided to try for a baby, and it just kills me to think like that. 
    I'm a FTM so I might be wrong, but I don't think it gets better while we sit in the bathroom and cry. I think it gets better because we get help, however that help looks (from "hey DH please take the baby for awhile today I'm feeling low" to taking medication, all are good choices).
    congrats and creepy internet hugs for deciding to get help!
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  • vinerievinerie member
    Pomegranate1983 said:
    @wsgjmw1, my husband is the same way. With everything: chores, going places, DD. "Just let me know what you need." That is his tagline and while it can be helpful, I don't have the time or energy to take care of DD and look for things for him to do. I especially didn't have it the first two weeks after DD was born. I snapped at him one morning after the 5 am feeding, asking him to take her if she fusses to top her off with the bottle while I pumped. She cried, he did nothing. I got the "Just let me know what you need" line. I spit back that I did and I shouldn't have to ask for him to take care of his daughter. He was mopey for the rest of the day after that and helps out more since then.

    Lately I've been feeling like I'm not that great of a mom. In the first few weeks, all DD did was sleep. Now that she is having more time where she is awake and alert, I just don't know what to do with her. She isn't old enough to play with her like you would a toddler. I'm not a huge talker; on days when I'm home by myself, I don't talk and constantly talking to her about everything seems like verbal vomit, which I hate. I know it isn't useless and she's hearing me and learning, and I don't not talk to her. I just don't spend every moment talking to her. My mom sent time with her this morning while I ran errands and when I came back, I heard all about how DD was so alert and she was smiling (still only the sleepy/poop/toot smiles) and making noises, she discovered and was exploring different textures, she loves certain toys and watching the ceiling fan. I told my mom I must be pretty boring because in an hour and a half, I don't see that much engagement with her. I know I need to engage in more active things with her. I do tummy time (though she hates it), we play on the activity mat and in an activity chair. I read and sing to her. I just feel like I don't get the response from her. She also still hasn't smiled and while I know it can take longer for some babies, I just want to see and know that she really does enjoy being with me and that I'm doing something right for her. Since my mom sees more interaction from her than I have, I equate that to she's doing something right and I'm not. I have realized that I don't like the newborn stage. Maybe it is the teacher in me but I like getting feedback on what children are experiencing. I like the interaction and engagement and knowing they are learning, that they like or don't like something. Newborns don't have that ability. I don't want to wish this time away because I know I will not get it back but I also can't wait until she's able to interact with us more.
    I hear you on the talking. Sadly, it feels forced for me :(  I wish it came naturally, but it doesn't. I am pretty good with my nephews, so I'm holding out hope that once he gets a bit older, it will feel more natural. 
    Me: 38; DH: 41
    DS: Born 5-17-16 

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  • Nicbert1214Nicbert1214 member
    Delitachan said:
    Welp, I finally caved and my doctor prescribed Pristiq for me. I take my first dose tomorrow and let's hope it helps. My DH has to now care for the baby 24/7 while I adjust to this medication.
    I'm happy you decided this. I've been reading your previous posts and I feel exactly the same way you do. Please keep us posted re the meds and if they work for you. I go see my therapist Tuesday and my OB Wednesday- I too will be inquiring about possibly going on some kind of meds so I can pull myself out of this darkness. Good luck!
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  • Jenly17Jenly17 member
    @Delitachan I'm happy that you sought help and that your husband is being supportive. FX that you start to feel better soon. 
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  • Nicbert1214Nicbert1214 member
    JoMunson said:
    Nicbert1214 said:
    I find myself back on this thread after a few rough days. Today I decided to set up an appointment with the therapist for next week because I have come to terms with the fact that these awful feelings are not just going to go away on their own. I am so saddened that all that excitement and joy I felt while I was pregnant has completely vanished and I want my old life back with DH. I know a lot of FTMs or any moms for that matter feel this way, and people keep telling me it will get better, but quite honestly, I just can't see that happening at all. I find myself wishing I could turn back time to the day DH and I decided to try for a baby, and it just kills me to think like that. 
    I'm a FTM so I might be wrong, but I don't think it gets better while we sit in the bathroom and cry. I think it gets better because we get help, however that help looks (from "hey DH please take the baby for awhile today I'm feeling low" to taking medication, all are good choices).
    congrats and creepy internet hugs for deciding to get help!
    Yes it absolutely doesn't get better to sit and cry and you're right, having DH whom I might add is an angel throughout this all, has been really stepping up to the plate and compared my hormones to crack- so it's almost as though I am going through withdrawals from my preggo hormones, he hit the nail on the head. Coupled with all these new changes, an already fragile person just becomes broken. He has been a wonderful help- but these are only short lived being that LO is still ours and although DH is really handling things right now, I have to step up to the plate and get better- for myself, DH and LO. Depression runs in my family and I have had terrible bouts with it in the past- so I was able to recognize it quickly and reach out for help instead of just trying to put on a happy face. Thank you for your support :smile:  
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  • DelitachanDelitachan member
    Yeah, I find the root of it is that I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I'm afraid of waking the baby. When the baby's awake, I shut myself in my office and turn the music loud, even if the baby isn't crying. I just went to a wake right now and all I could do is think how I might wake the baby if I get home in an hour. My anxiety levels kept rising and I kept rubbing my earlobe (it's a nervous twitch of mine). It's just awful. I too wish that I had my old life. I feel nothing for my son. I do not want to kiss his little feet. He's going to get his feet pricked tomorrow and I feel no emotional connection. No sympathy. It's awful. Even the nurse was a bit concerned. I go back on Tuesday for a follow-up and possibly psychiatric help
    I start the Pristiq tomorrow morning.
    The worst feeling in the world is knowing my husband is the sleep-deprived one AND having to worry about me and my mental state.

    I think I've always suffered this anxiety. When my niece was younger, she would scream terribly for everything - waking up from nap, being in stroller too long, etc. When I was just near her, I would become VERY anxious.Like walking on eggshells. Afraid to wake her up. Afraid to even talk. I would become so nervous, even if she wasn't my child.

    I also felt this anxiety when I lived in the apartments. There was a little girl who would run upstairs and the noise was bothersome. It was so bothersome that I would literally make my husband watch TV on volume 5 (practically mute) for fear that I'd somehow wake the little girl upstairs and provoke her into running. I was even afraid of taking out pots and pans because of the noise. All I did was hide in the bedroom or leave the apartment all together. But it would stress me out and I would dread going there.
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  • Pomegranate1983Pomegranate1983 member
    @vinerie and @Bellodomani, glad to hear I'm not alone. The talking is forced and I have do the "baby talk" (high pitched weird noises) but it is very forced and I feel uncomfortable doing it. I guess part of my problem with newborns is I don't know how to play with them. With Pre-K and up, I know how to play and talk to them. Even with my one year old niece, I can sit and interact with her. 

    I have also heard a lot of "it gets better." Two people, my mom and a friend of mine, said something different and I believe that more than "it gets better." They said "it doesn't get better or worse, it just gets different" as our babies go through the different stages. I found that interesting. I like how the PP put it when they said it doesn't necessarily get better, we just get help or learn how to cope with these huge changes in our lives. I was talking to another woman three weeks after DD was born and she said it was an emotional roller coaster for 8 months after she had her last child. I remember thinking the same thought when I heard the nurse tell me I would be pushing for at least 5-6 hours to deliver DD, that was "I can't do this for that long." Thankfully we can get help, whether it is by therapy, medication, meditation, exercising, having someone come over to help with cooking, cleaning, whatever. Be gentle on yourself and go day by day. Some days I have to go feeding to feeding. 
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  • yogahhyogahh member
    Pomegranate1983 said:
    @vinerie and @Bellodomani, glad to hear I'm not alone. The talking is forced and I have do the "baby talk" (high pitched weird noises) but it is very forced and I feel uncomfortable doing it. I guess part of my problem with newborns is I don't know how to play with them. With Pre-K and up, I know how to play and talk to them. Even with my one year old niece, I can sit and interact with her. 


    what about just reading outloud the paper or book you are reading? Even in a normal voice it will still do the job! Might feel more natural for you?

    cat fail animated GIF

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  • lionstigersbearslionstigersbears member
    yogahh said:
    Pomegranate1983 said:
    @vinerie and @Bellodomani, glad to hear I'm not alone. The talking is forced and I have do the "baby talk" (high pitched weird noises) but it is very forced and I feel uncomfortable doing it. I guess part of my problem with newborns is I don't know how to play with them. With Pre-K and up, I know how to play and talk to them. Even with my one year old niece, I can sit and interact with her. 


    what about just reading outloud the paper or book you are reading? Even in a normal voice it will still do the job! Might feel more natural for you?
    Yes! I've heard that speaking in your normal voice is really beneficial for babies language development, even more so than "baby talk." I choose to believe that!
    Me 27 | DH 28
    DS October 2014
    #2 May 2016
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  • JoMunsonJoMunson member
    lionstigersbears said:
    yogahh said:
    Pomegranate1983 said:
    @vinerie and @Bellodomani, glad to hear I'm not alone. The talking is forced and I have do the "baby talk" (high pitched weird noises) but it is very forced and I feel uncomfortable doing it. I guess part of my problem with newborns is I don't know how to play with them. With Pre-K and up, I know how to play and talk to them. Even with my one year old niece, I can sit and interact with her. 


    what about just reading outloud the paper or book you are reading? Even in a normal voice it will still do the job! Might feel more natural for you?
    Yes! I've heard that speaking in your normal voice is really beneficial for babies language development, even more so than "baby talk." I choose to believe that!

    ah! Stuck in a box!
    i don't always narrate what I'm doing to Ezra because I just don't think of it. One thing I think is helpful is playing podcasts/the news for him and talking to my husband. It's important he hear actual language. 
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  • tgortneytgortney member
    lionstigersbears said:
    yogahh said:
    Pomegranate1983 said:
    @vinerie and @Bellodomani, glad to hear I'm not alone. The talking is forced and I have do the "baby talk" (high pitched weird noises) but it is very forced and I feel uncomfortable doing it. I guess part of my problem with newborns is I don't know how to play with them. With Pre-K and up, I know how to play and talk to them. Even with my one year old niece, I can sit and interact with her. 


    what about just reading outloud the paper or book you are reading? Even in a normal voice it will still do the job! Might feel more natural for you?
    Yes! I've heard that speaking in your normal voice is really beneficial for babies language development, even more so than "baby talk." I choose to believe that!
    I have the same problem of not talking too much to the baby because I don't know what to say. It's so hard when they can't interact with you. I usually talk to him in normal speech instead of baby talk. I have also heard it helps their language development. I think I'm going to start reading to him!

    The grandparents, however, uses words like "eat eat" and "sleep sleep". No, just no. Face palm.
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  • Nicbert1214Nicbert1214 member
    Delitachan said:
    Yeah, I find the root of it is that I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I'm afraid of waking the baby. When the baby's awake, I shut myself in my office and turn the music loud, even if the baby isn't crying. I just went to a wake right now and all I could do is think how I might wake the baby if I get home in an hour. My anxiety levels kept rising and I kept rubbing my earlobe (it's a nervous twitch of mine). It's just awful. I too wish that I had my old life. I feel nothing for my son. I do not want to kiss his little feet. He's going to get his feet pricked tomorrow and I feel no emotional connection. No sympathy. It's awful. Even the nurse was a bit concerned. I go back on Tuesday for a follow-up and possibly psychiatric help
    I start the Pristiq tomorrow morning.
    The worst feeling in the world is knowing my husband is the sleep-deprived one AND having to worry about me and my mental state.

    I think I've always suffered this anxiety. When my niece was younger, she would scream terribly for everything - waking up from nap, being in stroller too long, etc. When I was just near her, I would become VERY anxious.Like walking on eggshells. Afraid to wake her up. Afraid to even talk. I would become so nervous, even if she wasn't my child.

    I also felt this anxiety when I lived in the apartments. There was a little girl who would run upstairs and the noise was bothersome. It was so bothersome that I would literally make my husband watch TV on volume 5 (practically mute) for fear that I'd somehow wake the little girl upstairs and provoke her into running. I was even afraid of taking out pots and pans because of the noise. All I did was hide in the bedroom or leave the apartment all together. But it would stress me out and I would dread going there.
    You know, I've had a few friends who are super sensitive to certain noises and hearing those noises cause them high anxiety. I know there is a name for it, but I can't recall it. Maybe that's something that's affecting you too and it may not necessarily be your LO in general that is causing you that anxiety. I'm no shrink- although I do have my MA in Forensic Psychology, but I know sometimes there is an underlying cause to our feelings, one that we would never think to look at.
    I say this because yesterday while talking to DH about my anxiety, I told him I am stressed about money and the fact that he will have to financially support us until I return to work. That I was sad it wasn't just him and I anymore. That I feel bad when he takes over because I can't drag myself out of bed to feed LO sometimes in the middle of the night. Worrying that if LO cries, it will wake him and he won't be rested for work. 
    Hearing myself say all these things made me see that I am worried DH will feel so burdened and stressed that he will leave me. I've always had issues with men- my dad left my mom and I when I was a baby and I've had my share of abusive relationships. This has always been a struggle of mine and it's coming back to haunt me. My DH is just wonderful in every way and assured me he would never leave, that LO and I are his family  and we are in this together. 
    Sorry for the long post- point of story, there's always an underlying cause and our thoughts can sometimes be incredibly irrational. I am a huge advocate for therapy, with or without medication. I do believe therapy can really help uncover our demons and better equip us to deal with them. 
    I also know that if we ourselves are not mentally healthy, it's close to impossible to have a healthy relationship- in this case, you and your LO. I'm sure once you are feeling healthier, you will have a wonderful relationship with your LO. 
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  • bkjadebkjade member
    yogahh said:
    what about just reading outloud the paper or book you are reading? Even in a normal voice it will still do the job! Might feel more natural for you?
    We do this and LO loves it, she will just chill for a half hour while she sits on my lap. It also buys me time to read, which is scarce these days. Win!
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  • tgortneytgortney member
    @Nicbert1214 I think the name of it is called misophonia, the hatred of sounds (not all sounds though). Pretty sure my husband has it because he literally hates certain sounds and it irritates him so bad, he puts on other sounds to it drown out. For example, we can't eat too close to each other because the sound of normal human chewing (not smacking, though smacking is included) bugs him.
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  • Nicbert1214Nicbert1214 member
    @tgortney yup that's it! My friend had the same reaction to the chewing! It was also other repetitive type noises that stressed him out. He would get so overstimulated from it, it like flooded his brain. 
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  • seasalt123seasalt123 member
    I hate the sound of people chewing. A rule in our house is that the tv needs to be on before eating can commence! Oddly enough, the same sounds don't bother me coming from the dog. 

    I also struggle with baby talk, particularly when I was still in the NICU and everyone could hear what I said. Now I often give him a 'tour of the house' or just explain to him what I am doing. Or read him a book. We just walk around the house while I tell him what the fridge is for and what the foods taste like and show him where the vacuum is kept etc. Or I explain what I'm doing (the steps to changing the diaper, the recipe for a snack I am making). For some reason that is easier for me than babbling at the baby telling him he's cute. I do use a slightly different pitch to my voice which happened subconsciously. He responds better when my voice is higher pitched which I guess is why baby talk was invented. 
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  • JoMunsonJoMunson member
    seasalt123 said:
    I hate the sound of people chewing. A rule in our house is that the tv needs to be on before eating can commence! Oddly enough, the same sounds don't bother me coming from the dog. 

    I also struggle with baby talk, particularly when I was still in the NICU and everyone could hear what I said. Now I often give him a 'tour of the house' or just explain to him what I am doing. Or read him a book. We just walk around the house while I tell him what the fridge is for and what the foods taste like and show him where the vacuum is kept etc. Or I explain what I'm doing (the steps to changing the diaper, the recipe for a snack I am making). For some reason that is easier for me than babbling at the baby telling him he's cute. I do use a slightly different pitch to my voice which happened subconsciously. He responds better when my voice is higher pitched which I guess is why baby talk was invented. 
    Yes! I do the same thing! Especially if I'm feeling lonely I'll find myself talking to him or asking him what we should do. We were watching tv and I'd already seen it so I was telling him that a character was gunna die. We played peek a boo for a minute and I felt pretty goofy. 
    Kids are big sponges right now so any words are good! 
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  • tgortneytgortney member
    seasalt123 said:
    I hate the sound of people chewing. A rule in our house is that the tv needs to be on before eating can commence! Oddly enough, the same sounds don't bother me coming from the dog. 


    This is totally my husband! We don't sit next to each other at restaurants unless we have to! So weird. I guess because dogs can't control the sounds they make and humans, technically can?  He doesn't mind the way babies eat either but he's making sure his son is a "quiet eater" when he does start food.
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  • seasalt123seasalt123 member
    tgortney said:
    seasalt123 said:
    I hate the sound of people chewing. A rule in our house is that the tv needs to be on before eating can commence! Oddly enough, the same sounds don't bother me coming from the dog. 


    This is totally my husband! We don't sit next to each other at restaurants unless we have to! So weird. I guess because dogs can't control the sounds they make and humans, technically can?  He doesn't mind the way babies eat either but he's making sure his son is a "quiet eater" when he does start food.
    Yeah, I don't know exactly what it is. I also don't mind the sounds babies make. It's just adults eating. It makes me so irrationally angry. God help me if someone talks with their mouths full. I seriously can't even focus on what they are saying. None of it makes any sense either so I don't know why some of us feel that way. My sister is the same and we have been since we were tiny. My cousins from Africa and I recently connected on Facebook and I learned they all also feel strongly about it. So maybe there is some genetic component? 
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  • seasalt123seasalt123 member
    @jomunson I suck at peek a boo too! Plus my baby doesn't find it interesting. Plus I get the timing wrong. I agree that verbalizing is probably what's most important. I also think as they start responding more to certain tones and expressions and games, we will all probably modify what we are doing naturally. 
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  • balamamabalamama member
    tgortney said:
    lionstigersbears said:
    yogahh said:
    Pomegranate1983 said:
    @vinerie and @Bellodomani, glad to hear I'm not alone. The talking is forced and I have do the "baby talk" (high pitched weird noises) but it is very forced and I feel uncomfortable doing it. I guess part of my problem with newborns is I don't know how to play with them. With Pre-K and up, I know how to play and talk to them. Even with my one year old niece, I can sit and interact with her. 


    what about just reading outloud the paper or book you are reading? Even in a normal voice it will still do the job! Might feel more natural for you?
    Yes! I've heard that speaking in your normal voice is really beneficial for babies language development, even more so than "baby talk." I choose to believe that!
    I have the same problem of not talking too much to the baby because I don't know what to say. It's so hard when they can't interact with you. I usually talk to him in normal speech instead of baby talk. I have also heard it helps their language development. I think I'm going to start reading to him!

    The grandparents, however, uses words like "eat eat" and "sleep sleep". No, just no. Face palm.
    My MIL does this and uses fake words for things and it drives me CRAZY! Don't teach him pointless sounds and have him associate them with real objects, lady. Not doing him any favors. 
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  • Pomegranate1983Pomegranate1983 member
    @yogahh, I have been reading to her. She got some books at her baby shower that are not picture books (Babar, complete stories of Winnie-the-Pooh). I've been reading those to her while nursing. Lately she's been doing more of the bottle and when she does take the bottle, she's looking square at me so I talk to her or sing to her so it's decreased a little. She's also been very random with her alert times and her naps the last few days, which is throwing me off. 

    I know it's hormones but man, I'm ready to level out. Today was the first time I felt that I didn't want to pick her up and I wished it was just me at home, that I didn't have to take care of her or entertain her. I love her and care very much about her. I would never not take care of her. I don't feel she's a burden, I just want some me time. DH has said I can go out with friends whenever, just to let him know and he'll be with DD. It's not that simple for me. When I do leave, I think about her and don't want to be gone from her that long. The longest I've been away from her is 2 hours. I don't think I'd be gone longer than that if I did something on my own or with friends but while away, it's not exactly the relaxed, enjoyable time I want to have. 
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  • mandy+chimandy+chi member
    I'm not sure if it's baby blues or PPD.. It kicks in from 3rd week perhaps when baby is staying more awake. I'm a FTM.

    I feel like crying whenever my husband needs to leave for work in the morning..or when I'm desperately waiting for him to come back from work in evening. My anxiety gets worst at night, I got so worried with everything- I may never able to get a decent sleep anymore, my private life is not gone, and I feel guilty to feel this way too - as if I will never enjoy parenthood. I even yelled to my dad for very minor thing over the phone on countless night.

    My mum has passed away, and my mother in law came to help for the first month for preparing meals, baby bath and so on. Then I got so upset when she said she will come less often afterwards. I feel so alone daytime at home and I cannot handle everything by myself. I don't have much friends who have babies - so it was like no one understand me (plus the fact that I'm raising kid in a foreign country)

    so this is the cycle - feel like crying, trying to stay positive in front of my newborn. If I can make him sleep in about 30 min I can keep it up. If not I start losing my patience and all the bad thoughts about future comes up to my mind and I start crying on my own, as if my life will never be joyful again and wonder what's the meaning of life.

    i know my situation is not too bad when comparing to other stories here and my husband is willing to help at night - I can get a total of 3-4 hours sleep per day if my newborn was able to fall asleep that day, but the aniexty is still here whenever I'm alone at home. I cry and feel like no fun anymore.
    I feel scary to have a second child, though I wanted if before I got pregnant. I feel not being understood with my husband said its not ok to not to have siblings - things will just get better later on after baby is 3m old.

    i hope this is just baby blues but not PPD. I still eat and sleep whenever I can, but I just can't get over the feeling of crying and loneliness. Shall I speak to pedi or midwives about this?


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  • khochanadelkhochanadel member
    DH had been down about his weight gain since 2 babies makes gym time impossible. He said he wanted to go for a walk tonight and I said I wanted to join him with the stroller because I don't get much outside time.

    He got home from work at 6 and it was 97 degrees out. He announced it was too hot for the babies and I needed to stay home. Then just walked out. What the actual...

    And now for the list of things I am really sick of hearing:
    - you don't understand. I NEED my sleep. 
    - you can always nap during the day.
    - if you didn't do X during the day, she (gremlin twin) would sleep at night. 
    - I don't get to stay home all day. 

    And he's been scowling at me all night. 
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  • mandy+chimandy+chi member
    Bellodomani said:
    @Pomegranate1983 That's funny that you say that, because I'm a teacher too (I teach preschool/ kindergarten) and both times I've been pregnant everyone has said, oh you'll be such a great mom, you're so good with young kids, etc, but the newborn stage just isn't for me! I just find it so boring to be constantly tied to this person who doesn't interact at all. I will say, it's much better this time around because I have my son around all day too, and he's really entertaining to be around. Don't put pressure on yourself to be having all these rich interactions every day, especially at this stage. Just do what you need to do to get through the day, if there's anything that you do enjoy about this stage try to find some satisfaction in that (for example, for whatever reason both of my kids have taken to nursing really well and gained weight really quickly, and that's weirdly satisfying to me to see like an actual tangible result of where my time is all going). One day soon your baby will start to be more alert & responsive, and she'll know who you are and you'll find your own ways of interacting with her. 
    @Pomegranate1983 @Bellodomani I understand that. I don't know want to do with my newborn when he's awake. Like.. Should I rock him to sleep? Or should I talk to him or do some 'bicycle leg' excerise...etc? Even if I try to 'play' with him he will eventually cry after may be 15min...so it kinds of force me to think that I should rock him to sleep before getting fussy instead of trying to interacte with him.. If I don't make him sleep before getting fussy, he will just cry till the next BF time..It seems so hard to balance.
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  • tgortneytgortney member
    Breastfeeding is making me miserable and depressed. I have an oversupply and I am constantly engorged and have plugged ducts. Catch 22 is if I pump until empty for comfort, it just keeps my supply up. I feel like I don't want my boobs anymore. I get so engorged that baby can't latch that well so I get sore nipples and it makes my eyes tear up in pain. I am in a constant pain and it's messing with my head. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. The thought of baby wearing is now associated with pain. I've been troubleshooting for weeks now and I'm exhausted. I hate breastfeeding so much but if I stop, I'll feel guilty that I can't give my son the best nutrition he can get. Honestly, I'd through the same traumatic birth again because that was only 24 hours. This is a chronic pain and it doesn't seem like it will get better. 
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  • PYLWhammyPYLWhammy member
    @tgortney - I am sorry and I can relate. I keep thinking, if only I wasn't breastfeeding, I wouldn't be so miserable. But I'm too darn stubborn. The physical pain and mental/emotional stress is unbearable at times.
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  • BellodomaniBellodomani member
    edited June 2016
    @bkjade I had severe PPA with my son and these were all really big triggers for me as well, along with isolating myself too much and not getting out to see friends. I'm being much more intentional about self-care and social interaction this time around and it definitely has helped, but I still totally have days like that where it gets to 3:00 and I realize all I've eaten is like a piece of toast and 3 cups of coffee and I feel like shit and my mind/ heart is racing and I can't figure out why. And then I'm like oh duh. 
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  • missnc77missnc77 member
    edited June 2016
    PYLWhammy said:
    I keep thinking, if only I wasn't breastfeeding, I wouldn't be so miserable. But I'm too darn stubborn.

    I could have written this word for word. I've started looking at it like training for a marathon. It sucks, but there are benefits to running, and when you've completed your training and are done with the race, it'll feel like a huge accomplishment. Although, I've toned down my desire to run the marathon and hoping to just make a half marathon or even a 10k at this point. 
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  • seasalt123seasalt123 member
    I feel the same about breastfeeding. I hate it. I am just too stubborn to give it up. The other day, my son turned three months old and I thought to myself 'yessss three months down'. I am determined to stick out one year with breastfeeding even though it makes me miserable. 

    At this point I do the most dysfunctional breastfeeding ever. I wear a nipple shield 80% of the time I breastfeed. Then 20% I work with him to eat without the shield so he gradually gets better at it. That's breastfeeding. Then, I also pump milk and my DH gives him the bottles during his shift at night. I also take bottles with me when I go out in public as I can't feed him in public because of the shield. I'm damn lucky to not have supply issues as this is the only way I stay sane. Having a tiny, sucking human tethered to my nipple all day is so soul defeating to me. 
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  • NinnyJeanNinnyJean member
    Like PP if I wasn't stubborn I would have quit by now, especially as we've had latch/transfer issues. For the last three weeks I've nursed, then pumped and usually then bottle fed after that and it's exhausting. When Pollie is latched on and content I love it and the bond it gives us, but when she's screaming and getting frustrated while trying to nurse (which is a good 50% of the time) I feel ready to just quit 
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  • Jenly17Jenly17 member
    @Delitachan & @Nicbert1214 how are you ladies doing? Been thinking about you.
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  • tgortneytgortney member
    missnc77 said:
    LadySamLady said:
    missnc77 said:
    PYLWhammy said:
    I keep thinking, if only I wasn't breastfeeding, I wouldn't be so miserable. But I'm too darn stubborn.

    I could have written this word for word. I've started looking at it like training for a marathon. It sucks, but there are benefits to running, and when you've completed your training and are done with the race, it'll feel like a huge accomplishment. Although, I've toned down my desire to run the marathon and hoping to just make a half marathon or even a 10k at this point. 
    There's no way I'd still be doing this if I wasn't so stubborn. Quitting just isn't an option no matter how much it sucks. I said I was doing it, I want to do it, I'm doing it but oh how it sucks. I don't know what I expected but I had no idea it would be like this. Its one of those things you can't understand until you do it I guess. As much as it sucks, it's worth it and we will feel good that we did it. Short term pain for long term gain! 
     I think I was expecting something more like these women - 





    LIES! ALL LIES!
    Yes! I went to a LLL meeting and all these experienced women just whipped a boob out and fed like it was nothing while all chatting. I was so envious. They all just enjoyed it so much, or it seemed like it. None of their children screamed at the boob. And they did it multiple times for the hour and a half the meeting lasted. Fussy baby? Boob. Baby fell down? Boob. I just know my child would scream at some point. I'm stubborn also and I want to make this work. But this is like a 3rd job, real life job, mom, and milk dispenser.

    @seasalt123 I think you can relate because we were all new at some point. How I see it, Crossfit is one of the things I've really ever stuck to long term. I just keep thinking, it'll get better. It doesn't get easier. I just get better. At least that's what keeps me sane. Short term goals. My body will eventually figure itself out and become stronger.
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  • DelitachanDelitachan member
    So-so. Anti-depressents making my anxiety worse. YEsterday I lay in bed while chanting "someone help me." Today, I took care of LO for 1 hr and a half while DH sleeps. He's been taking care of baby almost full-time and I've had little to no interaction with him whatsoever.
    I'm also having horrible insomnia.
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  • JoMunsonJoMunson member
    Delitachan said:
    So-so. Anti-depressents making my anxiety worse. YEsterday I lay in bed while chanting "someone help me." Today, I took care of LO for 1 hr and a half while DH sleeps. He's been taking care of baby almost full-time and I've had little to no interaction with him whatsoever.
    I'm also having horrible insomnia.
    I used to have to chant "I love you I love you I love you" when BFing my baby at night it was so painful. The chanting really helped me make it through the moment. Even if you chant "right now I fucking hate you kid" whatever gets you through the moment!
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