@Kurrant Definitely call the doctor to get in before the one month mark. It sounds like Lucy could have a milk sensitivity (she wants to eat, but then screams), or maybe something else only the doctor would think of. It's best to rule things out and who knows, it might make things better.
DS had reflux as a baby (without the spit up). He would cry, arch, and was generally miserable. He also screamed like he was being murdered every time he tried to fart or poop. We switched him to a sensitive formula (I did not breastfeed) and that helped immensely. Again, I'd call the doctor and get in for an appointment asap. Tell them you are worried about the baby. You could have relief soon!
@kurrant I'm so, so sorry you are dealing with this. Please schedule an appt. with your dr. ASAP. I would also suggest telling your midwife what is going on with your husband. She might have some resources for you, such as a support group or something like that. Big, big hugs for you. I think we are all hurting for you and Lucy right now...
@kurrant I'm so, so sorry you are dealing with this. Please schedule an appt. with your dr. ASAP. I would also suggest telling your midwife what is going on with your husband. She might have some resources for you, such as a support group or something like that. Big, big hugs for you. I think we are all hurting for you and Lucy right now...
^^ we are. Hang in there @Kurrant and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Thinking of you!
Like many other PP have said, my heart is broken for @kurrant. It's hard to read this thread and not feel devastated for you. I agree that you should bump up the appointment with the Doctor. I also think maybe explaining the situation to your midwife is a good idea as @vinerie suggested. You need honest support from someone at this stage.
I have nothing new to add but I can't walk away without saying that I'm thinking of you @Kurrant & you're an amazing mom. I hope the doctor can give you some answers.
I've been struggling with the "new mom bliss" that is was supposed to be there but just isn't. I knew there would be sleep deprivation and you have a new little human being that is totally dependent on you but I thought I would be handling it better. I feel even worse saying/feeling this because my husband and I tried getting pregnant for a year, went through the fertility clinic, I had surgery. We have gone through so many trials to get to this point and at times, I'm sitting here thinking about how much I miss having things be like they used to be: getting a full night's sleep, going where I want to go when I want to, working, having time with my husband. My life has completely changed. I miss my job. I told my husband recently I'm jealous that he gets to work and keep some normalcy in his life. We also have talked about having two children and I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted another one. Up until a few days ago, DH was gaming in the morning, going to work, spending about 30-45 minutes with me and DD after work, then gaming the rest of the time (from 7/8 pm - midnight). We are living with my parents temporarily and they have been helping with the cooking, cleaning, laundry, everything household related. When we have a second child, I know we won't have the luxury of them living with us and if DH continues with that behavior, I know I could not do everything myself and stay sane. He got mopey for a bit and has been helping out more since then. I also talked with him tonight about these struggles and he's stepping up to the plate more, especially with spending time with DD.
Anyways, I just want to feel good about being a mom and caring for DD. It's what I've wanted for so long and I feel bad for thinking these things. I know it's hard and it pushes people but I didn't think I would feel this lost.
@Pomegranate1983 I'm in a similar place. I'm so happy for all the ladies on this board that have sweet little calm babies but I feel so envious of them. Where is this amazing, loving experience everyone goes on about? Shouldn't being a first time mom feel better than this? 1 month in and I still don't feel it. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you feel. You aren't alone.
It's been 10 days, and things have gotten quite a bit better for me. I still have a major crash every night usually beginning at 4pm, peaking at 6pm, and resolving around 8pm (when DH "takes over" baby duty for a while). During my crash, lots of crying, zero desire for food, mostly feeling ridiculously overwhelmed and anxious about everything and like I can't do this. Fortunately, I have therapy Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the evenings, so I think that'll help me as little milestones to get to -- therapy helps me immensely. Right now, I think I'll be staying off medication; however, it's not completely a done deal.
I wouldn't say Emma is a difficult baby -- I think she's average. I get sleep at night; she doesn't really nap during the day. We are dealing with some medical stuff with her, and I do find that overwhelming. It's not serious we don't think, but the waiting game to get in with the specialist sucks.
@Pomegranate1983 I'm in a similar place. I'm so happy for all the ladies on this board that have sweet little calm babies but I feel so envious of them. Where is this amazing, loving experience everyone goes on about? Shouldn't being a first time mom feel better than this? 1 month in and I still don't feel it. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you feel. You aren't alone.
"Shouldn't being a first time mom feel better than this?" This totally sums up how I have felt after both babies. Shouldn't I be enjoying myself, or at least be tired but happy? And neither of my babies have been particularly difficult- this one is definitely trickier than my first, but nothing outstanding. It's more just the thought that every day is gonna be exactly the same mush of feeding, trying to get her to nap, trying to do something with my toddler without really being physically able to yet, anxiety every evening because I have no idea when to put her to bed or how the night will go. And Iike @yogahh said, crashing and crying every evening around dinner time. I'm gonna give it to one month pp and if I'm not feeling better I'll reach out for therapy. I should have done that with my son and I didn't- it lasted until about 8 months then resolved itself, but I feel like I missed out on a lot in his infancy my being stuck in a postpartum anxiety/ OCD fog.
Echoing what pp have said re: feeling like every day is exactly the same and a ton of work. Instead of feeling like I am bonding with my babies, I feel like I am just the milk lady. I attempt to breastfeed, they fight me, after prolonged boobs time they still act famished, I give them the bottle, then attempt to get some skin to skin time only to realize it's almost time for the next feeding. Lather, rinse, repeat. Oh yeah, and then I have to find time to pump in there. And eat. And sleep.
Crying/emotions definitely peak in the evenings. DH goes back to work tomorrow and I am a mess. I'm hoping this doesn't last too much longer. I'm so happy I can come here and feel like I am not a terrible person or alone in my feelings.
@itsbrookejones, the first day DH left was tough. I couldn't sleep the night prior due to anxiety and cried as soon as he started getting ready to leave. I toughed out the first day completely alone and that was a mistake. If DH or someone else can bring you lunch and sit with LO for even an hour, it really helps because just getting a shower will change your whole perspective. Good luck on your first day without DH, you can do it!
@itsbrookejones, the first day DH left was tough. I couldn't sleep the night prior due to anxiety and cried as soon as he started getting ready to leave. I toughed out the first day completely alone and that was a mistake. If DH or someone else can bring you lunch and sit with LO for even an hour, it really helps because just getting a shower will change your whole perspective. Good luck on your first day without DH, you can do it!
He was sweet and eased us into the day by going in mid-morning after letting me get ready for the day. It made it much more bearable! I've been keeping myself busier than I expected and it's going okay! I thought the baby and I would just sit and stare at each other, haha. Maybe I can do this!
Idk if this really qualifies but I've just been having a rough week or so. MH has been wonderful but I've managed to cry or yell at him a bunch this week. My grandfather died yesterday so I was a mess. And even though today is MH's birthday, I've still managed to cry.
@itsbrookejones, awwww, go DH! Sounds like you're doing great. I'm on week 3 solo and frankly, you wouldn't know it. Had to call DH for a reacue at lunch because LO just wouldn't stop screaming. LO and I do not function peacefully on 3 hrs of sleep.
@Mslan, really sorry for your loss. I'm sure your DH understands that you're going through a lot. A death in the family is hard no matter what, but probably harder to cope with when you're already taxed.
So sorry to hear about your grandfather, @MsIan. It's always hard to lose a loved one, but with the postpartum hormones going as well...t&p for your family.
I'm also someone else who gets really sad in the evenings thinking about sleepless nights and DH being back at work. We're such a good team together so knowing I'm alone during the day just gives me anxiety. I already have it now and he isn't even home from work yet (I had him stop by the store for some food items) and now I'm sad that I'll only have a couple of hours with him before bedtime... I need the weekend to be here already!
@Yogahh Thanks for asking, I'm doing alright all things considered. MH saw me actually have a meltdown this past Saturday which I think changed things for him slightly. He stepped up and really helped out with her this weekend (although he still has yet to change her diaper) He kept her busy while she cried and I slept which was something I needed. The last few nights have been rough though. @doozer1345 had suggested I try Colic Calm for Lucine's bad night and it seemed to work for about one day but she went back to screaming. I think she must have just been exhausted the day it worked. She screams her head off from 4pm till Midnight every single night which is hard to deal with. Getting more sleep and forcing myself out of the house with her has helped my mood a bit and made it a bit easier to deal with her bad times. MH still gets really cranky and says some mean things but I can see how this could be hard to deal with for him. He gets home at 5pm so she has already started her freakout time and it doesn't end till he is sleeping so all he sees is a screaming baby. He doesn't get to see her better moments during the day.
(cant remember if i posted this) The other day I posted a photo from the hospital on another thread which got me looking at her week 1 pics. I lost it. I started to cry so hard because I was overwhelmed with this feeling like I miss the baby that I met in the hospital. This baby I deal with every day seems so drastically different. I suddenly thought "I miss my sweet little girl!" I felt like crap for feeling like this which made the whole situation worse. I just have to keep saying to myself "One day at a time. She won't be like this forever."
Anyone else get random anxiety at night simply because soon it's bedtime and you worry about something happening to baby in the middle of the night? I dread nights now even though she is right beside me in her bassinet.
This thread has been so helpful. I had baby blues with my first and they have been similar in time of onset and intensity this time around. Im definitely in the late night anxiety camp. I just realize now what's giving me anxiety because of reading other posters and their experiences. I keep trying to remind myself I have no control over sleep right now, but it is still hard to rationally think when you're sleep deprived.
I'm also someone else who gets really sad in the evenings thinking about sleepless nights and DH being back at work. We're such a good team together so knowing I'm alone during the day just gives me anxiety. I already have it now and he isn't even home from work yet (I had him stop by the store for some food items) and now I'm sad that I'll only have a couple of hours with him before bedtime... I need the weekend to be here already!
This 100%. The positive part of this is that we both make good teams with our DH's. The weekends are very precious and I am super thankful for the time we have together as a family.
Not sure where to post this or if it's been said before but... I feel like I'm not cut out to be a mom. I should honestly count my blessings because overall, DS is an "easier" baby than most. But when he's having a crying fit or every little thing makes him cry. I get so overwhelmed and sad. Then I feel guilty because I'm suppose to be enjoying every minute of this because they grow up too fast. But all I want is the cute baby smiles and laughs, which seems to be nowhere in sight. I cried every day for a week after giving birth but I pushed through. Now, I'm 3 weeks PP and it's really hitting me hard again. I've been taking up full on night duty since DH has been back to work. It's so hard. I don't know how this is going to work once I start back at work again. The thought of life after maternity leave terrifies me. The juggling act is going to be extreme. Someone remind me why I signed up for this...
@tgortney You are definitely not the only one who feels this way! Maybe this belongs more in FFFC, but I didn't truly get excited about spending time with my first until he was like 10 months old. Some people love newborns, and I don't happen to be one of them. I went back to work initially at 4 months, and I actually really enjoyed having a break from the baby monotony, plus the daycare miracle workers got my son on a nap & feeding schedule which made the time I spent at home with him much more enjoyable. My son was actually an incredibly easy baby too (esp compared to my new one!), but that doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna love laying around the house all day anyway. Plus the lack of sleep makes it so much harder for me to cope with things emotionally. It does get easier as they sleep longer, and when you go back to work, you'll do what you need to do to get enough sleep to function, whether that means sleep training or splitting night time stuff with your partner or whatever works for you guys. But if you still feel really down in a few weeks, I'd recommend reaching out to a professional for some help because you also don't want to just be waiting around to feel better.
I was feeling really down lately, crying all the time, fighting with MH, upset with LO for crying or not sleeping and then yesterday I packed him up and left the house. We went out to lunch and then sat outside Starbucks enjoying the sun. Then I let MH take over when he got home from work and I slept for about 4 hours. My mood changed drastically. I went out again today, and I feel so much better.
Moral of the story: cabin fever is also real and has a significant effect on our moods. Make sure to get out into the sun with your LO!
I was feeling really down lately, crying all the time, fighting with MH, upset with LO for crying or not sleeping and then yesterday I packed him up and left the house. We went out to lunch and then sat outside Starbucks enjoying the sun. Then I let MH take over when he got home from work and I slept for about 4 hours. My mood changed drastically. I went out again today, and I feel so much better.
Moral of the story: cabin fever is also real and has a significant effect on our moods. Make sure to get out into the sun with your LO!
So true! Just going for a walk up and down my street for 15 minutes makes a huge difference in my mood.
Breast feeding still has me down in the dumps but I am doing another LC appointment Sunday and the twins have had a good day with it su far. It's just those down days that really kill me, especially when I am working so hard at it.
I made time while the twins were napping to finish painting our living room (a project that started before I was put on bed rest) and it had improved my mood a lot, too. I call it post partum purple.
Yes! Today I went to the new mom support group at the hospital where I delivered and it was so helpful to see a whole bunch of other moms who are a bit further along than me ( Group is for 0 to 4-month-olds). I was like "thank God your babies cry too!" It was a challenging outing but it was very helpful for me
@Bellodomani Thanks for your words! Definitely feeling a lot of guilt if anything. Night time is the most dreaded time. I've thought about going to my local LLL because they discuss more than just BF. I'm part of their Facebook group, I think I'll reach out to them first for local support
Today was a hard day. Ezra really needed me a lot today and would not be soothed by dad. I was feeling cooped up and ignored and finally started crying and telling DH I was so bored. He started laughing because I was "bored to tears" so I started laughing which made me pee which made me cry because it meant having to change my pants and I'm feeling fat and none of my awesome pre pregnancy clothes fit.
I had a tough day too. Jack was up from 1-230 (husband slept thru all of it) and then from 5am to ONE IN THE AFTERNOON. I tried everything to sooth him, nothing worked. Cry cry cry. Finally at 11 I decided to take him to the park to stroll him. It worked for an hour or so, then more crying. Some stupid bitch in the park walked up to me and informed me that he was crying because it was hot outside. After that we drove around aimlessly for 90 minutes until he fell asleep & then I sat in my car in the driveway for a half hour. Husband slept thru all of this too by the way. Baby slept in his carseat until 4 when he woke up screaming again. I tried to take him once he fell asleep but my husband wouldnt give him to me because "he was sleeping." Yeah i know, I wanted to actually hold my child when he wasn't screaming in my face. Must be nice to be able to do that. Now he's been asleep for awhile...gearing up for me to be up all night with him again.
Not sure where to post this or if it's been said before but... I feel like I'm not cut out to be a mom. I should honestly count my blessings because overall, DS is an "easier" baby than most. But when he's having a crying fit or every little thing makes him cry. I get so overwhelmed and sad. Then I feel guilty because I'm suppose to be enjoying every minute of this because they grow up too fast. But all I want is the cute baby smiles and laughs, which seems to be nowhere in sight. I cried every day for a week after giving birth but I pushed through. Now, I'm 3 weeks PP and it's really hitting me hard again. I've been taking up full on night duty since DH has been back to work. It's so hard. I don't know how this is going to work once I start back at work again. The thought of life after maternity leave terrifies me. The juggling act is going to be extreme. Someone remind me why I signed up for this...
I feel the same guilt over not enjoying this. Everyone keeps saying to savour every moment now because it goes so fast but I feel like I am wishing away her baby days. I had several weeks where ever time i heard Lucine even make a squeak I would feel a knot in my stomach as I dreaded the next few hours that I know would be spent with her yelling in my face. I am on night duty alone also. LO is awake from 4pm till midnight every night and MH wakes at 5am so I am on my own while he sleeps his head off. He gets home at 5pm so I only have 7 hours where he is around. I really feel for you. I would hate to have to worry about going to work on top of all the other stresses. How long before your maternity leave ends?
I'm reading a book right now where the author used the expression "the first six weeks you are a slave to a stranger", caring for their every need before they start to give you stuff in return, but it does get better. I wanted to share because that clicked for me
Today was a hard day. Ezra really needed me a lot today and would not be soothed by dad. I was feeling cooped up and ignored and finally started crying and telling DH I was so bored. He started laughing because I was "bored to tears" so I started laughing which made me pee which made me cry because it meant having to change my pants and I'm feeling fat and none of my awesome pre pregnancy clothes fit.
Ha ! I had a tough one too, DS was a handful today. Also feeling super fat because nothing fits but my sweats.
Not sure where to post this or if it's been said before but... I feel like I'm not cut out to be a mom. I should honestly count my blessings because overall, DS is an "easier" baby than most. But when he's having a crying fit or every little thing makes him cry. I get so overwhelmed and sad. Then I feel guilty because I'm suppose to be enjoying every minute of this because they grow up too fast. But all I want is the cute baby smiles and laughs, which seems to be nowhere in sight. I cried every day for a week after giving birth but I pushed through. Now, I'm 3 weeks PP and it's really hitting me hard again. I've been taking up full on night duty since DH has been back to work. It's so hard. I don't know how this is going to work once I start back at work again. The thought of life after maternity leave terrifies me. The juggling act is going to be extreme. Someone remind me why I signed up for this...
I feel the same guilt over not enjoying this. Everyone keeps saying to savour every moment now because it goes so fast but I feel like I am wishing away her baby days. I had several weeks where ever time i heard Lucine even make a squeak I would feel a knot in my stomach as I dreaded the next few hours that I know would be spent with her yelling in my face. I am on night duty alone also. LO is awake from 4pm till midnight every night and MH wakes at 5am so I am on my own while he sleeps his head off. He gets home at 5pm so I only have 7 hours where he is around. I really feel for you. I would hate to have to worry about going to work on top of all the other stresses. How long before your maternity leave ends?
Thank you! Sorry you're going through the same! I go back to work either mid to late July. My LO knows exactly when to start fussing too. When it's dinner time or when I need to shower before bed. I can't imagine this happening after I've worked a full day. I've pretty much counted on not sleeping for several more weeks (hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon) now that DH has gone back to work. Hope Lucine continues to do better for you!
Today has been really bad. Really bad. Can I be really honest here? I'll preface this by saying I'm in therapy and will be completely honest with my therapist about this ... Also trigger warning.
I just feel like such a crappy mom today ( she's been really uncomfortable and fussy and pretty much inconsolable most of the day), and I'm really struggling with self harm urges which is an old issue of mine so it's nothing new. Then I get even more depressed because I realize my body isn't really just mine and that I have to go back to the doctor in four weeks and they're gonna look at me and stuff and people could notice anything I do, and I just can't risk anyone questioning my parenting and taking her away or putting me somewhere and I just don't want to have those conversations right now.
Today has been really bad. Really bad. Can I be really honest here? I'll preface this by saying I'm in therapy and will be completely honest with my therapist about this ... Also trigger warning.
I just feel like such a crappy mom today ( she's been really uncomfortable and fussy and pretty much inconsolable most of the day), and I'm really struggling with self harm urges which is an old issue of mine so it's nothing new. Then I get even more depressed because I realize my body isn't really just mine and that I have to go back to the doctor in four weeks and they're gonna look at me and stuff and people could notice anything I do, and I just can't risk anyone questioning my parenting and taking her away or putting me somewhere and I just don't want to have those conversations right now.
Today's is just really bad.
Have to take it day by day. While today might be bad, tomorrow might be better. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Creepy internet hugs.
Re: PPD/Baby Blues
DS had reflux as a baby (without the spit up). He would cry, arch, and was generally miserable. He also screamed like he was being murdered every time he tried to fart or poop. We switched him to a sensitive formula (I did not breastfeed) and that helped immensely. Again, I'd call the doctor and get in for an appointment asap. Tell them you are worried about the baby. You could have relief soon!
DS: Born 5-17-16
Anyways, I just want to feel good about being a mom and caring for DD. It's what I've wanted for so long and I feel bad for thinking these things. I know it's hard and it pushes people but I didn't think I would feel this lost.
I wouldn't say Emma is a difficult baby -- I think she's average. I get sleep at night; she doesn't really nap during the day. We are dealing with some medical stuff with her, and I do find that overwhelming. It's not serious we don't think, but the waiting game to get in with the specialist sucks.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
@Mslan, really sorry for your loss. I'm sure your DH understands that you're going through a lot. A death in the family is hard no matter what, but probably harder to cope with when you're already taxed.
@Yogahh Thanks for asking, I'm doing alright all things considered. MH saw me actually have a meltdown this past Saturday which I think changed things for him slightly. He stepped up and really helped out with her this weekend (although he still has yet to change her diaper) He kept her busy while she cried and I slept which was something I needed. The last few nights have been rough though. @doozer1345 had suggested I try Colic Calm for Lucine's bad night and it seemed to work for about one day but she went back to screaming. I think she must have just been exhausted the day it worked. She screams her head off from 4pm till Midnight every single night which is hard to deal with. Getting more sleep and forcing myself out of the house with her has helped my mood a bit and made it a bit easier to deal with her bad times. MH still gets really cranky and says some mean things but I can see how this could be hard to deal with for him. He gets home at 5pm so she has already started her freakout time and it doesn't end till he is sleeping so all he sees is a screaming baby. He doesn't get to see her better moments during the day.
(cant remember if i posted this) The other day I posted a photo from the hospital on another thread which got me looking at her week 1 pics. I lost it. I started to cry so hard because I was overwhelmed with this feeling like I miss the baby that I met in the hospital. This baby I deal with every day seems so drastically different. I suddenly thought "I miss my sweet little girl!" I felt like crap for feeling like this which made the whole situation worse. I just have to keep saying to myself "One day at a time. She won't be like this forever."
Moral of the story: cabin fever is also real and has a significant effect on our moods. Make sure to get out into the sun with your LO!
Breast feeding still has me down in the dumps but I am doing another LC appointment Sunday and the twins have had a good day with it su far. It's just those down days that really kill me, especially when I am working so hard at it.
I made time while the twins were napping to finish painting our living room (a project that started before I was put on bed rest) and it had improved my mood a lot, too. I call it post partum purple.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
I just feel like such a crappy mom today ( she's been really uncomfortable and fussy and pretty much inconsolable most of the day), and I'm really struggling with self harm urges which is an old issue of mine so it's nothing new. Then I get even more depressed because I realize my body isn't really just mine and that I have to go back to the doctor in four weeks and they're gonna look at me and stuff and people could notice anything I do, and I just can't risk anyone questioning my parenting and taking her away or putting me somewhere and I just don't want to have those conversations right now.
Today's is just really bad.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020