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May 2016 Moms
Jenly17
member
PPD/Baby Blues
Jenly17
member
Postpartum life...
a beautiful, crazy, stressful, whirlwind of a time. For some, mom life is a breeze. For many, the onset of PPD, or the baby blues makes mom life confusing, sad, and isolating and something like a roller coaster. If you're feeling this way, you're not alone! A lot of us are going through it, or have been through it, and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Please feel free to use this community of Moms as your support, your backbone, and source of strength as you journey through your unique postpartum experience.
Come here if you need to vent, bitch, moan, commiserate, cry, seek support, celebrate small victories, share what works for you, and mostly feel the love. We're in this together.
Eta:gif
a beautiful, crazy, stressful, whirlwind of a time. For some, mom life is a breeze. For many, the onset of PPD, or the baby blues makes mom life confusing, sad, and isolating and something like a roller coaster. If you're feeling this way, you're not alone! A lot of us are going through it, or have been through it, and there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Please feel free to use this community of Moms as your support, your backbone, and source of strength as you journey through your unique postpartum experience.
Come here if you need to vent, bitch, moan, commiserate, cry, seek support, celebrate small victories, share what works for you, and mostly feel the love. We're in this together.
Eta:gif
Re: PPD/Baby Blues
My advice, don't think you have to put on a happy face for everyone. Don't hold in the tears, get them out! At one point I thought I was losing my sanity and I wish I knew that what I was feeling was perfectly normal. Reach out to family and friends, there's a good chance someone has felt what you are feeling and can shed some light. But most importantly, it WILL get better!
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
Last night was so far the worst night yet. I got her up at 6:30. She ate for about 45 minutes with huge cry fits in the middle and when I tried to get her down she wouldn't have it. I checked her nappy a second time just in case, swaddled her up, rocked, bopped, jiggled, Shhhhed, sang, played music, played white noise and walked around with her. by 8pm DH must have sensed that I was in a bad mood because he came in to help which was surprising. He rocked her and she was quiet for him. I think because I am the food dispenser she wants the boob even when she isn't hungry so she screams for me. He got her to fall asleep in his arms and he put her down. She farted so loud and hard 15 minutes later that she woke herself up! We went through it all again and she slept. Would you believe it . . . I got a wrong number call as soon as she fell asleep! That was that. She didn't sleep again that night. I fed her every few hours as needed and changed her but she just moaned and cried all night. It wasn't till about 6:30 this morning that I decided I was too tired and sore to sit up and feed her. I tried the lay down feeding method again and she took to it after a lot of fussing and passed out on the bed with me. I slept with her next to me every night in the hospital and decided I wouldn't do that at home. It scares the heck out of me. I feel like I will squish her. . .nevertheless I went to sleep with her snuggled up next to me and it was a glorious 30 minutes. DH left for work and I slept another hour with her. I was hyper aware of her being there and woke a little every now and again but it was better than any other sleep I had last night. This whole ordeal is just getting worse and worse and the thought of another night like that makes me cry.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I know this whole story probably doesn't belong here but I just wanted to share my little victory of a decent night of sleep and MH who helped me out and took me seriously for once. I don't expect this to fix my moods but the lowered stress is a start. Thanks everyone for the kind words and support. It may be just in text on a screen but it means a lot.
I'm actually glad the MH is the one who suggested the formula. I had been considering it for a couple of days as a means to satisfy her after giving breastmilk but I know how he feels about formula and thought he would consider me a failure for bringing it up. When we left the shop last night after buying the formula he says "I feel so guilty buying this, like everyone is looking at me thinking I'm a terrible parent!" Baby is eating . . . There is nothing terrible about it. He has 4 kids with what seems to be the perfect eco-friendly, all natural, granola lady which is a lot to live up to. He still keeps going on about "make sure you don't dry up your supply!" I can think of far worse things than that. I'm glad I gave Breastmilk a shot but if she had to eat formula for whatever reason (be it drying up or just not wanting to after trying) then fine. To be honest I feel like my bad breastfeeding experiences are taking away from bonding with her more. It's always painful to feed her and she is always yelling in my face during food time. I just keep telling myself that we will eventually get through this.
You're an amazing mama to Lucy. Keep your chin up.
wildest dreams did I think I could love something so fiercely or how depressed I could feel having to be away from my baby.
I know sometimes it's not financially or logistically possible, but is there any way that you can take a longer leave or work from home? I wasn't able to do either the first time around, but we've saved and DH got a better job, so I'm taking an extended leave this time. I will say that even if going to work full time is your only option, you will still be so incredibly close to your little one. Also know that whichever course you need to take--working or at home-- you are doing the best that you can do for your family. DS is both independent, and a total mama's boy despite me being away from him 10-11hrs/day M-F. Really living in the moment with your baby and saving chores for after bedtime helps a lot too. You'll make it through.
Now I'm one week pp with my daughter, and tonight was the first time I started to feel the anxiety creeping up again. I ran out to the store to get more pads and my breasts were really full and I even had her with me, could have just fed her in the car if necessary, but I just couldn't turn off the anxiety. Does anyone else have this same feeling? I can't decide if it's even worth seeking out a therapist, because it seems like it's so specific and situational. But at the same time, I don't want to be just crippled by my anxiety all the time like I was with my son.
@Bellodomani While I didn't have that anxiety trigger regarding breastfeeding, I did have PP anxiety after my son was born. I would definitely talk to your doctor as it is a form of PPD. Anxiety does tend to be more specific, with certain situations or things triggering it or thoughts that paralyze you. Especially since you've been through it before, I would definitely bring it up with the doctor.
Have you talked to your pedi about her crying? Maybe they can make some suggestions on how to make this easier for you and her.
My own father reacted similarly when dealing with me when I was a colicky newborn as well and it did eventually get better but he probably could have benefited from therapy or medication although it sounds like your husband would probably not be super open to either of those
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
That being said, perhaps it is a sensitive subject to me since everything you've posted about him reminds me very much of a really terrible emotionally abusive relationship I was in years ago. I didn't realize until after I was outside of it that it was really unhealthy to have someone so unsupportive and negative around. I can't imagine how difficult it would have been to throw kids into that relationship. Don't let him get away with treating you like this. It is NOT OK.
Do you have any girlfriends you can get to come help you so you can leave the baby with them and get outside (getting outside for me while dealing with my baby blues was KEY) and go get a cup of coffee? A glass of wine? Hell, just put that baby in a wrap and go for a walk (also was a lifesaver for me). I don't know how helpful this will be but here's a short list of things that got me through the dark days:
-Walks in the park with baby in wrap
-Having a friend watch my daughter for an hour so I could
-get a massage
-go grocery shopping
-shower or bathe
-drink a cup of coffee!
-read books!
-take yourself out to lunch
-Surrounding yourself with friends (I was so down I didn't want to see anyone, but scheduled dates with friends to "force" myself to get out of the house, which was good for me, I always felt so much better after getting out of the house and talking to other adults)
-Hire a postpartum doula (was so helpful with my first!)
-Working out (even walking!)
-Making the bed
-Getting dressed in real clothes
-Baby swing. One of the only ways I could get anything done on my own. That swing probably saved my life. I would take it into the bathroom while I showered. And yeah, sometimes, she would cry and I would just have to let her cry for a few minutes while I showered. It sucked but showering made me feel so much better.
-Baby wrap. I wore her errrrrywhere. I got out of the house as much as possible, and bonus, most of the time I was walking with her in the wrap, she would sleep.
-Margarita night. I was in college and felt pretty alone. The other mamas in student daycare co-op had one night a month where we would all take turns hosting and go to someone's house and bring our kids and make tacos, margaritas, whatever and hang out and bitch about alllllllll of the things. It made me feel less alone. Perhaps there is a mom-group near you of some kind?
Also, I promise it *will* get better.
The post partum period has hit both DH and I hard. A lot of it is because we are here by ourselves and our girls had to spend so much time in nicu. But it's also me crying fot no reason, feeling anxious and guilty about breastfeeding, etc., and him hating seeing me that way and not being able to do anything about it. We've both felt extremely lonely, going through all of this by ourselves and no hospital visitors.