Today has been really bad. Really bad. Can I be really honest here? I'll preface this by saying I'm in therapy and will be completely honest with my therapist about this ... Also trigger warning.
I just feel like such a crappy mom today ( she's been really uncomfortable and fussy and pretty much inconsolable most of the day), and I'm really struggling with self harm urges which is an old issue of mine so it's nothing new. Then I get even more depressed because I realize my body isn't really just mine and that I have to go back to the doctor in four weeks and they're gonna look at me and stuff and people could notice anything I do, and I just can't risk anyone questioning my parenting and taking her away or putting me somewhere and I just don't want to have those conversations right now.
Today's is just really bad.
Have to take it day by day. While today might be bad, tomorrow might be better. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Creepy internet hugs.
Thanks. Yeah my new mantra is that today is not a reflection of yesterday nor a precursor for tomorrow
Today has been really bad. Really bad. Can I be really honest here? I'll preface this by saying I'm in therapy and will be completely honest with my therapist about this ... Also trigger warning.
I just feel like such a crappy mom today ( she's been really uncomfortable and fussy and pretty much inconsolable most of the day), and I'm really struggling with self harm urges which is an old issue of mine so it's nothing new. Then I get even more depressed because I realize my body isn't really just mine and that I have to go back to the doctor in four weeks and they're gonna look at me and stuff and people could notice anything I do, and I just can't risk anyone questioning my parenting and taking her away or putting me somewhere and I just don't want to have those conversations right now.
Today's is just really bad.
Have to take it day by day. While today might be bad, tomorrow might be better. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Creepy internet hugs.
Thanks. Yeah my new mantra is that today is not a reflection of yesterday nor a precursor for tomorrow
If you ever need a laugh just think of our old friend "slitherin" She made an entertaining weekend and should make you smile!
@saladflambe Hugs to you. I know you've shared a lot on here about some depression you deal with, but I think it's really remarkable how you can kind of acknowledge it and then confront it. I agree with @yogahh, in that all we can do is tackle what's right in front of us. They describe these first few weeks as being in "survival mode" for a reason. It's just about getting through each issue--feeding, crying, diaper, etc. and focusing on that *one thing* instead of *everything.*
How much sleep are you getting? Is your DH taking over so you can rest/get in a daily nap? It's not a cure-all, but I have read in so many places that sleep is so important in warding off PPD.
Today has been really bad. Really bad. Can I be really honest here? I'll preface this by saying I'm in therapy and will be completely honest with my therapist about this ... Also trigger warning.
I just feel like such a crappy mom today ( she's been really uncomfortable and fussy and pretty much inconsolable most of the day), and I'm really struggling with self harm urges which is an old issue of mine so it's nothing new. Then I get even more depressed because I realize my body isn't really just mine and that I have to go back to the doctor in four weeks and they're gonna look at me and stuff and people could notice anything I do, and I just can't risk anyone questioning my parenting and taking her away or putting me somewhere and I just don't want to have those conversations right now.
Today's is just really bad.
Have to take it day by day. While today might be bad, tomorrow might be better. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Creepy internet hugs.
Thanks. Yeah my new mantra is that today is not a reflection of yesterday nor a precursor for tomorrow
This needs to be my mantra too. Baby was being pissy all morning and would not stay asleep outside of my arms no matter what I tried, so of course my mind starts racing and I think she's always gonna be like this, she's never gonna nap, I'll have to sleep train her when she's old enough, etc. But I really need to remind myself that she's 2 weeks old. Babies are constantly changing & growing and there's no telling what she'll be like tomorrow or a week from now or when she's 3 months old, etc. It's just so hard for me to get that racing anxiety brain under control.
Thanks @vinerie my husband takes her from 8-12:30 so that I get at least 4 hours sleep. But lately she's been sleeping 12:30-4, so I'm truly getting decent sleep.... Idk what's wrong with me
Thanks @vinerie my husband takes her from 8-12:30 so that I get at least 4 hours sleep. But lately she's been sleeping 12:30-4, so I'm truly getting decent sleep.... Idk what's wrong with me
Nothing's wrong with you. My baby sleeps from 630pm-130am and then from 2am-5am, and then from 5-10am and I still have hard days. This is REALLY hard and takes a lot of your energy and time, even when it seems like your baby is resting and like everything's great it's still hard. Think kind thoughts about yourself! I also sometimes watch YouTube videos about attachment parenting (which is what we're doing) to help remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing.
@saladflambe sending creepy internet hugs as well, nothing's wrong with you! Your body just went through some major changes, your hormones are nuts, and you're being extremely responsible recognizing how your body is reacting to the chaos. You're doing this and you can continue to do this - you're doing a great job!
@saladflambe sending creepy internet hugs as well, nothing's wrong with you! Your body just went through some major changes, your hormones are nuts, and you're being extremely responsible recognizing how your body is reacting to the chaos. You're doing this and you can continue to do this - you're doing a great job!
Coming here because I'm feeling at my wits end and don't know where to turn. I've loved becoming a mom and my LO more than I has imagined but my marriage is absolutely falling apart. I feel like my DH has no empathy for the changes I'm going through. We fight every day and I'm often the cause of it because I'm so stressed. However DH is struggling with drinking and that makes the situation terrible because the slightest thing turns into a blowout. He says really hurtful things and brings up past issues and threatens to leave me. I've made a lot of mistakes but I can't deal with one more stress right now. He brings up getting a divorce almost everyday. All I want is to take care of my baby. I dread everyday when he starts to drink. I don't know if I have ppd but the stress of baby is really tearing my world apart. When he gets crazy I can't just leave anymore.
I've asked him to counseling before we were married, but he won't go. I want to look into help for myself but don't know where to start and know I probably can't get there too soon.
Coming here because I'm feeling at my wits end and don't know where to turn. I've loved becoming a mom and my LO more than I has imagined but my marriage is absolutely falling apart. I feel like my DH has no empathy for the changes I'm going through. We fight every day and I'm often the cause of it because I'm so stressed. However DH is struggling with drinking and that makes the situation terrible because the slightest thing turns into a blowout. He says really hurtful things and brings up past issues and threatens to leave me. I've made a lot of mistakes but I can't deal with one more stress right now. He brings up getting a divorce almost everyday. All I want is to take care of my baby. I dread everyday when he starts to drink. I don't know if I have ppd but the stress of baby is really tearing my world apart. When he gets crazy I can't just leave anymore.
I've asked him to counseling before we were married, but he won't go. I want to look into help for myself but don't know where to start and know I probably can't get there too soon.
Check out abused women/AL-ANON in your area. They'll be sympathetic to you wanting to bring your brand new baby to meetings. i read somewhere some of the best marriage advice I ever heard- don't say the word divorce unless you're willing to go through with it. Never use it as a threat. It might be scary, but next time he says he wants a divorce, tell him if he really thinks that would be best then to go for it but to stop using it as a threat.
@Lusitano8 I agree counseling is the best- whether you go together or just for you. You need a safe environment to get everything in the open since you have a lot on your plate, but know it will get better, one way or another!
So I had my pp appointment at 5 weeks and my vagina has healed just fine .. However I think my baby blues have taken a turn for the worse. I have a follow up appointment with a doctor in the mental health department next week. I am kinda nervous but I think it will be good for me to talk to a professional... As supportive as DH is - it's just not cutting it. Anyone else diagnosed with ppd ?
I've been really struggling with PPD and PPA. I've been seeing a psychiatrist, I started on Zoloft 2 weeks ago.. Spoiler alert: It's not helping. i stopped BF so I could go on the Zoloft. my husband works 10-11 hrs a day and I have no family here in Chicago. We can't afford a sitter so I feel so alone and like this is all on me. I love my son so much but this is extremely hard.
@tripledaggerWed95976 Creepy Internet hugs. Last week was my first week alone during the day with LO, and by Thursday, I felt like I was living Groundhog Day. It is repetitive and lonely. My husband has been getting off work at a decent time, but he's about to go on a trip for work which is three solid days with just me and LO. I am dreading it so much. I don't want to do all the work, but mostly, he's pretty much the only friend I have. I have no family here, and while I do know some women, I don't really know them well enough to invite them over, lounge around with a crying baby, and pull out my boob. Plus they have kids of their own. We just moved here at the beginning of the year, and I spent most that time hibernating from the snow. I should do a better job of reaching out, but I know I won't.
Can you look on meetup for mommy groups? Can you call family or friends in the evenings when the length of the day has gotten to you? Is there anything you enjoy doing from pre-birth that you can find time for? I took a 20 minute walk today on my treadmill while the baby was sleeping, which allowed me to blast my guilty pleasure music (hello, Pitbull) and dance a little while walking. I looked down and saw the lack of bump, and I felt like my old self again. It was definitely a recharge.
@tripledaggerWed95976 creepy internet hugs! I don't have experience with PPD or PPA, I'm sorry you're struggling. I understand being on your own with an infant all day. My husband works long hours too. I found it really helpful to join our local parent's association after DS1 was born for a variety of reasons, but at first mostly to meet other new moms with babies the same age.
I found it incredibly helpful to have a few new friends who could understand what I was going through, but even more importantly, I had a reason to make plans and get out a few times a week. At first it was just to take walks together, and then to have a glass of wine with our sleeping babies in tow, and then eventually to play dates. I can't over emphasize how important get out and have some adult interaction - even if it's to order a coffee. Even when DS1 was a bit older I would make myself get out every day in the winter just so we were a little social, it swear it helped me cope with being alone all day. I really hope that you start to feel better soon!
missnc77 Groundhog Day is the perfect way to put it! I also don't have any close friends or family around here so it's just been DH and me, which is very isolating. Part of me feels like I am just a baby sitter doing a job, waiting for their real mom to show up. Getting outside helps, but it was pouring rain all day, and we didn't have a great day breastfeeding wise, so f this day.
@tripledaggerWed95976 With my first son I had pretty bad PPA/ verging on OCD and I didn't really come to terms with it until my son was 8 months old. It sucks that the Zoloft isn't working yet, but hopefully it will soon or you'll find some other meds combo that does. Mostly just happy for you that you're getting help so early because I think I probably missed out on a ton of stuff in my son's early days by being so wrapped up in anxiety. This baby is only 3 weeks old and so far I'm doing ok, but I've asked all my girlfriends to let me know if they feel like I'm going back down that road, esp because my husband will be gone for the month of July and I'm worried the added stress/ sleep deprivation might push me over the edge.
I might have posted this elsewhere (I know I passed this advice along to at least one other person), but I'll repeat it here anyway for anyone that needs to hear it (this is a general statement for all of us, not aiming it at anyone specific): no matter how minor you might think your ppd/ppa might be, or how ridiculous/nervous/etc you might be feeling about sharing it with someone else, talk to somebody about it anyway. Guarantee you that any doctor/therapist/friend/whatever would much rather you talk to them and annoy the frick out of them than bottle it all up and have things go so, so much worse. Anyone who says otherwise doesn't deserve their license/your friendship/etc.
(I don't know about the rest of you, but I totally have to keep reminding myself of this.)
Guys, I've been struggling. I have good and bad days but mostly I feel ok until LO starts screaming inconsolably, which unfortunately is all the time. I'm not sure if it's her reflux or just colic or what, but she is a VERY fussy and VERT temperamental baby. It's been a month, and she rarely let's me put her down. Im so jealous of people who have babies who are content for a while just sitting in the swing awake. I'm jealous of people who can sit their baby down for a few minutes without them going into a full blown, struggling to breathe meltdown. Im losing it.
LO is actually doing well today, but had a meltdown earlier and I snapped. I screamed as loud as I could, and she heard me over her wailing and gave me the most startled, sad look I've ever seen before crying harder than she has ever cried. I feel TERRIBLE. I can't stop replaying it in my head and the guilt is tearing me up.
@Jparke2 so many hugs - I've totally screamed, startled her, and gotten the sad scared reaction that made me feel terrible too. It's ok. It really is. And it's ok to set her down somewhere safe, walk out of the room, and hide in the bathroom with the hairdryer on for a few minutes. (That's my calm down method.) hang in there mama. This is not your new forever - it will get better, it will end, hang on
@Jparke2, the first month, I was really struggling with days like you're describing. LO was sleeping so little, spitting up constantly, feeding nonstop, and putting him down to go to the bathroom resulted in him crying until he stopped breathing and would vomit. Now we're almost at the 2 month mark and days are somewhat easier overall, but then he'll randomly sleep for only 1.5 hours overnight and my fuse gets short again. I can't imagine what fatigue does to someone hearing that screaming all the time. To echo pp, sometimes you really just have to walk away and put your LO somewhere safe. I remind myself aloud that often in caring for a high needs little one, you have to follow the airplane oxygen mask rule, you have to put yours on first before you can help anyone else.
Guys, I've been struggling. I have good and bad days but mostly I feel ok until LO starts screaming inconsolably, which unfortunately is all the time. I'm not sure if it's her reflux or just colic or what, but she is a VERY fussy and VERT temperamental baby. It's been a month, and she rarely let's me put her down. Im so jealous of people who have babies who are content for a while just sitting in the swing awake. I'm jealous of people who can sit their baby down for a few minutes without them going into a full blown, struggling to breathe meltdown. Im losing it.
LO is actually doing well today, but had a meltdown earlier and I snapped. I screamed as loud as I could, and she heard me over her wailing and gave me the most startled, sad look I've ever seen before crying harder than she has ever cried. I feel TERRIBLE. I can't stop replaying it in my head and the guilt is tearing me up.
I remember having a really rough day with my son when he was like 10 months old and way more aware of things, and I totally lost it and screamed like that (I think maybe he bit my nipple on top of a million other stressful things) and he just looked at me like it was the scariest, saddest thing that had ever happened to him. I also beat myself up over it (still do sometimes, like right now when I'm thinking about it), but I honestly think a lot of people do that when they just hit a breaking point. And I'm sure those babies all turn out fine- my son appears to be pretty unfazed by it.
I've had a few moments of shoving my face in a pillow and screaming as loud as I can. I had a moment early on where LO was screaming and I just finally yelled "What do you want?!" and she looked so startled so I use a pillow now if i need to get it out. Sometimes it's exactly what I need to do to get a grip. I've been feeling a bit better lately but still not 100%. LO is still fussy and cries most of the time. The good thing is that she isn't crying through the night as much anymore. The bad part of that is that I sleep on the sofa with her on me to make that happen. I haven't slept in the bed with my husband in a week now and I miss him and laying down flat very much. I gave up dairy for a week and she started to get a bit better. Lucy had more moments of being awake without crying. To test if it was actually the dairy I had a grilled cheese sandwich and a coffee with milk one day and sure enough by the evening she was her old cranky self. Going off the dairy again to see if it helps. Midwife said if it turns out to be dairy I should try to add some back in at 3 months and then at 4 if 3 didn't work. I hope this helps. It was amazing to see a happy baby for an hour or two a day. It was just what I needed to keep my head.
Last night while I was crying over my babies head for not being with him while he was upset I was really thankful for you ladies. Most people give advice or look at you like you're nuts but I knew on the internet there were some ladies who would just say "that's okay, I've done that". Made me feel better just thinking about it.
Thank god for this thread. I feel like ive been in a black hole for two weeks now! I had a really traumatic birth experience resulting in a c section, which resulted in an internal infection, and lots of sick days. On top of everything, ive been diagnosed with ppd. I love my little man, but ive been having such a hard time bonding with him, which is breaking my heart. I was just put on celexa, reallyyy hoping it helps!
I am so happy I came across this topic and read all your ladies' stories. It's wonderful to know that I am not alone- I am not the only one who feels that I should be better at this, or is sad that it's not just myself and DH anymore, that my life has changed forever, that I get a sick feeling in my belly and anxiety anytime I hear LO begin to get fussy or start crying, that I literally cry at everything, songs, tv shows, etc. All these feelings are so overwhelming at times- and I feel too as other posters have said, did I make the right choice? Was I really meant to be a mom? Will things ever feel normal again? I will be 1 month PP this coming Friday- and I didn't feel these feelings right away, I think they really start setting in this week. I'm starting to think it's because DH goes back to work this coming Monday and I will be alone with LO until the beginning of November. I also think it has to do with the fact that I received my last paycheck on Friday and I will no longer be able to contribute to the bills. My DH makes good money and can take care of us- but it's all so scary to me. I know people have done it and continue to get by. I know people have felt just like me/us and have turned into wonderful, loving mothers. Today when I was watching LO on his activity mat gurgling and smiling at his little owl and bird hanging down, it made all my anxiety disappear and made me happy to see him so happy- but it's like as soon as he starts getting fussy, all those awful feelings come rushing back. I keep telling myself this stage will not last forever, things will get better, we will go on family trips together and take funny looking pictures to put on holiday cards. LO will hug us and laugh at our jokes, he'll be happy to see us when we get home from work, he will look up to us as his world- as I type all this I am crying of course. I just know we will all get through it- we got through our pregnancies, some of us had it way harder than others. We got through our labor- which again, some were straight out of a horror story, and when we saw our LO's face for the first time, it made all the pain worthwhile to see this beautiful creature we created and grew inside us for all these months. This little being that was made from love. I know we will get through it. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy- because of it is, it's not worth having right? I really don't believe for one minute that any mother did not have 1 or more of these feelings at one time in their lives. I just feel like women like us are not ashamed to talk about it. I honestly have not spoken to 1 mother yet who has said everything was wonderful from day one- and if they do, they're lying. This is probably the most difficult thing that any of us has had to take on, but again, we can do this and we can do it together. I have hope and faith in all of us. Creepy Internet hugs to everyone on this thread. Take each day as it comes and breathe, it will all begin to pay off
I have since stopped crying, but I was the same way. FTM so everytime he'd cry, I'd cry. I cry looking at my angel of a husband losing sleep as well. He spent the first few days feeding/burping him since I was in pain from the C-section. I cry thinking of how he must miss our old life of jetting off out of town to beaches, shopping, eating out and going to the movies. I cried because I miss it as well. These days I don't cry anymore, but I do feel pangs of depression and blues. I do miss my old life. I do miss just going out and going out. I feel trapped in this house and we do take car trips out of the house everyday, but it's not the same. I get frustrated that my son wakes in the middle of the night once to feed and can take 3 hours to be put back to bed (he doesn't cry, just stares out into space but we don't want to fall asleep).
@Nicbert1214 I could have written that whole post word for word with my first baby. And just like with my first when I thought, will it ever just be me and my husband watching movies and doing nothing again, this time I think, will it ever just be me and my son snuggling up and watching Sesame Street or going out to the river again. It took me a long time to adjust to my first, and I know I need to give myself the same permission to take my time with this one.
@Bellodomani preach. I wish I could remember when I adjusted though. Was it 6 weeks back to work? Was it after the horrible 4 month sleep regression? Was it 6 months when I decided to lose the baby weight? Was it 14 months when I stopped nursing? I think it was a chunk at a time, and I just evolved into a happier person? This newborn haze is so so hard.
I had a rough week post partum and thought I'd turned a corner as LO was hitting two weeks... But turns out it was just a temporary reprieve and the blues have hit me hard yet again.
I still find myself crying for no reason (and sometimes just because LO is)... I love her more than anything but I never anticipated feeling so incredibly isolated and lonely and breastfeeding is a beast. My DH returned to work after week one, and he's helpful when home but I spend 10 hours a day as a sole caretaker. I keep hearing it gets better. But when? I sometimes wonder if I'd be much happier if I gave up on breastfeeding but I have so much guilt. Right now I'm pumping 5-6 times a day and attempting latching 2-3 times. I feel like it's all I do and a lactation consultant has been helpful but we still haven't fixed any problems.
I don't want to wish these days away, but I can't help but be eager for the better times ahead as this feels endless.
Okay I've been home from the hospital with my baby since Sunday so ready to jump in now! Anyone else get sad on a schedule? I start feeling sad and cry at everything every day around 6pm, and then it lasts anywhere from 3-5 hours or so. The rest of the time I feel decent, but then things head downhill really fast. Some friends are bringing dinner over this evening at 6 so I'm hoping the company distracts me from my sad time. It's nice to know that I'll feel bad then but wish I could just make it stop.
@TinaTho I also keep hearing "it gets better" and then I feel guilty for wishing the time would pass faster. All ive ever wanted was to be a mother and I was so excited for these early weeks and now I just wish they were over. I know when she is bigger, I'll feel really sad that she isn't small anymore. I just can't win!
Re: PPD/Baby Blues
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
How much sleep are you getting? Is your DH taking over so you can rest/get in a daily nap? It's not a cure-all, but I have read in so many places that sleep is so important in warding off PPD.
DS: Born 5-17-16
my husband takes her from 8-12:30 so that I get at least 4 hours sleep. But lately she's been sleeping 12:30-4, so I'm truly getting decent sleep.... Idk what's wrong with me
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
I've asked him to counseling before we were married, but he won't go. I want to look into help for myself but don't know where to start and know I probably can't get there too soon.
i read somewhere some of the best marriage advice I ever heard- don't say the word divorce unless you're willing to go through with it. Never use it as a threat. It might be scary, but next time he says he wants a divorce, tell him if he really thinks that would be best then to go for it but to stop using it as a threat.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
Can you look on meetup for mommy groups? Can you call family or friends in the evenings when the length of the day has gotten to you? Is there anything you enjoy doing from pre-birth that you can find time for? I took a 20 minute walk today on my treadmill while the baby was sleeping, which allowed me to blast my guilty pleasure music (hello, Pitbull) and dance a little while walking. I looked down and saw the lack of bump, and I felt like my old self again. It was definitely a recharge.
I found it incredibly helpful to have a few new friends who could understand what I was going through, but even more importantly, I had a reason to make plans and get out a few times a week. At first it was just to take walks together, and then to have a glass of wine with our sleeping babies in tow, and then eventually to play dates. I can't over emphasize how important get out and have some adult interaction - even if it's to order a coffee. Even when DS1 was a bit older I would make myself get out every day in the winter just so we were a little social, it swear it helped me cope with being alone all day. I really hope that you start to feel better soon!
(I don't know about the rest of you, but I totally have to keep reminding myself of this.)
LO is actually doing well today, but had a meltdown earlier and I snapped. I screamed as loud as I could, and she heard me over her wailing and gave me the most startled, sad look I've ever seen before crying harder than she has ever cried. I feel TERRIBLE. I can't stop replaying it in my head and the guilt is tearing me up.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
All these feelings are so overwhelming at times- and I feel too as other posters have said, did I make the right choice? Was I really meant to be a mom? Will things ever feel normal again?
I will be 1 month PP this coming Friday- and I didn't feel these feelings right away, I think they really start setting in this week. I'm starting to think it's because DH goes back to work this coming Monday and I will be alone with LO until the beginning of November. I also think it has to do with the fact that I received my last paycheck on Friday and I will no longer be able to contribute to the bills. My DH makes good money and can take care of us- but it's all so scary to me. I know people have done it and continue to get by. I know people have felt just like me/us and have turned into wonderful, loving mothers.
Today when I was watching LO on his activity mat gurgling and smiling at his little owl and bird hanging down, it made all my anxiety disappear and made me happy to see him so happy- but it's like as soon as he starts getting fussy, all those awful feelings come rushing back.
I keep telling myself this stage will not last forever, things will get better, we will go on family trips together and take funny looking pictures to put on holiday cards. LO will hug us and laugh at our jokes, he'll be happy to see us when we get home from work, he will look up to us as his world- as I type all this I am crying of course.
I just know we will all get through it- we got through our pregnancies, some of us had it way harder than others. We got through our labor- which again, some were straight out of a horror story, and when we saw our LO's face for the first time, it made all the pain worthwhile to see this beautiful creature we created and grew inside us for all these months. This little being that was made from love. I know we will get through it. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy- because of it is, it's not worth having right?
I really don't believe for one minute that any mother did not have 1 or more of these feelings at one time in their lives. I just feel like women like us are not ashamed to talk about it. I honestly have not spoken to 1 mother yet who has said everything was wonderful from day one- and if they do, they're lying.
This is probably the most difficult thing that any of us has had to take on, but again, we can do this and we can do it together. I have hope and faith in all of us. Creepy Internet hugs to everyone on this thread. Take each day as it comes and breathe, it will all begin to pay off
These days I don't cry anymore, but I do feel pangs of depression and blues. I do miss my old life. I do miss just going out and going out. I feel trapped in this house and we do take car trips out of the house everyday, but it's not the same.
I get frustrated that my son wakes in the middle of the night once to feed and can take 3 hours to be put back to bed (he doesn't cry, just stares out into space but we don't want to fall asleep).
post word for word with my first baby. And just like with my first when I thought, will it ever just be me and my husband watching movies and doing nothing again, this time I think, will it ever just be me and my son snuggling up and watching Sesame Street or going out to the river again. It took me a long time to adjust to my first, and I know I need to give myself the same permission to take my time with this one.
I still find myself crying for no reason (and sometimes just because LO is)... I love her more than anything but I never anticipated feeling so incredibly isolated and lonely and breastfeeding is a beast. My DH returned to work after week one, and he's helpful when home but I spend 10 hours a day as a sole caretaker. I keep hearing it gets better. But when? I sometimes wonder if I'd be much happier if I gave up on breastfeeding but I have so much guilt. Right now I'm pumping 5-6 times a day and attempting latching 2-3 times. I feel like it's all I do and a lactation consultant has been helpful but we still haven't fixed any problems.
I don't want to wish these days away, but I can't help but be eager for the better times ahead as this feels endless.