@jen11797 serious props for such a level headed reaction to such a scary situation! (I don't react that well to fender benders with just me when not preg!) I'm glad everyone's okay, and I hope you can take some relaxing time to enjoy your unscathed fam!
@jen11797 I'm glad everyone is okay! Accidents are such a hassle even when they're not your fault. I hope that insurance takes care of everything quickly and painlessly.
I'm hoping to get some opinions/feedback. My mom is getting married next month. And she keeps saying how not only is she becoming a grandma but her fiancé is becoming a grandpa. I don't have any relationship with this man besides seeing him at holidays and the occassional visits. I'm in my early 30's and they started dating a couple years ago. So this man isn't a father figure, stepfather, etc. to me. To me he is my mom's husband.
I am feeling a little uncomfortable with the assumption that he will be called grandpa by my child. Is this wrong of me? I guess I'm basing this off of my own relationship with him. Since we don't really have a relationship besides through my mother I wouldn't assume my child would either. And I don't want my child to ever question why one of his/her grandpas isn't more involved in their life.
My dad remarried when I was 16 and his wife is a stepmother/mother figure to me. There is no question she is going to be grandma. Am I overthinking this?
Shout out to the convenience store guy that passed no apparent judgement when I bought a pint of Ben and Jerry's, sour patch watermelons, a box of nerds, a box of raisinets, and a corn dog. Just told me to enjoy my snacks and the nice day. Good man.
@Racso12 I don't think you're overthinking it at all! I think everyone is different. MIL's husband is my husband's stepfather. His kid just had a baby a few years ago and even though MIL and FIL have helped them a lot and even lived with them, the baby calls MIL "miss so and so". That's so weird to me! Our baby will most definitely call FIL (I call him that) grandpa. I think as time has gone by we have gotten very close to him and he has been incredibly supportive in all that we do and very kind to us. But if we didn't have a close relationship with him I would definitely feel uncomfortable having my child call him grandpa.
I'm hoping to get some opinions/feedback. My mom is getting married next month. And she keeps saying how not only is she becoming a grandma but her fiancé is becoming a grandpa. I don't have any relationship with this man besides seeing him at holidays and the occassional visits. I'm in my early 30's and they started dating a couple years ago. So this man isn't a father figure, stepfather, etc. to me. To me he is my mom's husband.
I am feeling a little uncomfortable with the assumption that he will be called grandpa by my child. Is this wrong of me? I guess I'm basing this off of my own relationship with him. Since we don't really have a relationship besides through my mother I wouldn't assume my child would either. And I don't want my child to ever question why one of his/her grandpas isn't more involved in their life.
My dad remarried when I was 16 and his wife is a stepmother/mother figure to me. There is no question she is going to be grandma. Am I overthinking this?
While I totally get your hesitance towards this since my parents are looking to separate and the thought of future significant others for them has crossed my mind and it weirds me out, I also have the grandkid's perspective in this situation. Both my grandparents on my dad's side are on their third marriage. The current spouse of my grandpa has been his wife since around the time I was born, and she has always been Grandma Chris to me, even though at the time I was born she was a pretty new addition after two rocky marriages. My grandma divorced who I used to call Grandpa Chuck when I was probably 5 or so, and I know my parents didn't have a great relationship with him. It didn't seem weird to me though, and I bet I would have called him grandpa even if they hadn't told me to because he was an old man that was always with my grandma. She married her current spouse when I was 9 or so, and I called him Grandpa from then on, and he has become that sort of figure for me. I have no idea how my dad feels about us calling these people grandparents...he doesn't consider them stepparents or parent figures since they came in so late, but he likes them well enough. I think calling a person 'grandpa' or 'grandma' is less important than the role that person chooses to play in the kid's life. It will just be a name to the kid until he builds that sort of relationship with the person. I think it would have been weird to call my grandpa's wife by her name or 'Mrs.' So and so.
Married 6/1/13
BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
BFP #4 4/2015 MC 7/1/15
BFP #5 10/21/15 EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow!
@Racso12 I don't think you're being unreasonable. My dad has been with my stepmom nearly 20 years. She will be my kid's Grammy. If my mom remarried right now, that kid would not be my kid's grandpa. Would you be comfortable with your kid calling him something like "Grandpa Steve"? I have a relationship with my step-sibling's paternal grandparents (so my step-mom's ex-ILs), and I just call them "Grandma & Grandpa Last Name". I only ever see them occasionally but they're good people who have always been kind and generous to me and my brothers. It means a lot to them, which makes it worth it to me, even though the situation is confusing and a bit awkward.
@rasco12 I get why it fees weird, but I also don't see the harm in letting him be called grandpa out of respect for him and your mom if it means something to them. As your child is old enough, he/she can understand this man is not your dad and that might be why you aren't that close with him. I grew up calling close family friends aunt and uncle out of respect though. I think it would be odd for your child to use your stepdad's first name.
Thank you all so much for the wonderful kind words!! We just got back from a sudden trip to the pediatrician with my 15m son, because of some unusual behavior and symptoms. That was scary, but turned out to be a virus unrelated to the wreck. What a crazy day and a half. So happy to be home, in bed, safe, and catching up on the bump as I eat comfort food and get ready to fall asleep!
@Racso12 I understand your hesitance. You may not have a relationship with this man, but will your child? Remember that your child will not have the same point of view, as this man will have always been there.
I think it's very sweet that he is thinking of himself as a grandpa, because it means he already feels a connection to your child. I'd say that thinking of an alternate cutesy name or Grandpa So-and-So may be your best bet. It can help distance it a little, but still allow that connection.
@racso12 I don't think you're overthinking it. My Grandfather got remarried after his wife died before my Mom had any children (she was in her late 20s) and we grew up calling my stepgrandma by her first name because that's what we always heard her being called by my parents. I don't think it hurt her and we actually had a wonderful relationship. Since your Mom is already using the term Grandpa it would probably hurt her feelings more than his.
@Racso12 I am kind of in the same boat. My mom remarried a few years ago and I never call him my step dad, he is my moms husband. But his daughter has 2 kids and they call my mom Grammy. She has very much taken on the role of Grammy and loves them to death! I think I'll be ok with my kids calling her husband grandpa but they will know that he is not my dad. I have a really close relationship with my dad and this kid will see that. In my view, the name isn't what matters it's how they taken on that role. I see my dad being much more of a grandpa than my moms husband and that's what matters to me. But I totally understand your concern. Do what's right for you!
I have an interview next week for a job that would allow me to work closer to home and part time starting in the fall so I don't have to go back to full-time teaching 40 minutes away with an infant at home. It would be wonderful, but I already know I have some stiff competition for the job since at least two of us already work summers with this company and I work pretty closely with one of the people in charge of hiring for the job. So I'm a bit nervous. Haven't had a job interview in a while!
Married 6/1/13
BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
BFP #4 4/2015 MC 7/1/15
BFP #5 10/21/15 EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow!
Good luck @winnie1122 ! Sounds like a great opportunity!!
My arm is sore today after the tdap shot that my nurse gave me yesterday. After seeing my adult friend get whooping cough (which lasted three months), I don't even mind a tiny little bit. Give me all the tdap!!
Thank you everyone for your input! You guys are right. Although he hasn't been in my life much he will be from the beginning of this kid's life. I don't know if he considers this baby his grandkid. But yes, my mom certainly does and would be devastated if I ever brought up the name thing.
@Rasco12 - thanks for spurring a GREAT discussion! I think this sort of thing is becoming more and more common because divorce is unfortunately pretty common, and a lot of older people get re-married. My mom's mom died when I was 2 years old and I never knew her, but my grandfather remarried when I was 10. I call her by her first name, but she is still a grandmother figure to me since I've never known my own. On the other hand, DH's grandparents got divorced and his grandfather remarried when he was young (I'm not sure how young) and he calls each of them grandmothers. In the end, the name does not dictate the relationship that will develop over the next few years, so only time will tell if he does end up taking that role in your child's life.
My Wednesday random is this nugget of advice: when you get your TDaP shot, get it on the arm you use the most. The old recommendation was to get it on your non-dominant arm, but now they recommend the dominant arm because you use it more, and using it will get the soreness out. I got mine on the right side (I'm a righty) and it was also nice to be able to sleep mostly on my left side without my arm being incredibly sore.
I have an interview next week for a job that would allow me to work closer to home and part time starting in the fall so I don't have to go back to full-time teaching 40 minutes away with an infant at home. It would be wonderful, but I already know I have some stiff competition for the job since at least two of us already work summers with this company and I work pretty closely with one of the people in charge of hiring for the job. So I'm a bit nervous. Haven't had a job interview in a while!
Good Luck!! Just relax and be confident in your abilities!! I have one next week for a school that is right down the road from us, and is a GREAT school. I'm uber nervous too - especially considering my daughter would get automatic enrollment into them then.
Me: 28 | Husband: 39 Married March 2016 DD: born 7.22.16 DS EDD: 6.23.18
@DeriveMyPi Thanks! Good luck to you too! I never thought I would want to leave the school I'm at, but this baby has changed my outlook on a lot of things already!
Married 6/1/13
BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
BFP #4 4/2015 MC 7/1/15
BFP #5 10/21/15 EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow!
PSA: get your Tdap on your right arm since we're supposed to be sleeping on our left side. I got it on the left side, had a bruise, and was very uncomfortable for a few days.
PSA: get your Tdap on your right arm since we're supposed to be sleeping on our left side. I got it on the left side, had a bruise, and was very uncomfortable for a few days.
I get mine today. I'm left handed so I planned to get it in my right arm but this makes more sense.
The artist formerly known as Butters. July BMB June Signature
PSA: get your Tdap on your right arm since we're supposed to be sleeping on our left side. I got it on the left side, had a bruise, and was very uncomfortable for a few days.
I always request any intramuscular shot be given in my butt. Way more meat back there.
@Racso12 I grew up with a fairly atypical family structure and the result is that my kid is going to have a lot of grandparent figures in his life. What they will be called, I don't know, and to me it doesn't matter, whatever they are comfortable with I suppose. My mom is remarried and her husband is so excited to be a grandpa, though they married when I was 24 so I didn't grow up with him, he's still family now. My dad remarried when I was 7, and my stepmom is definitely a grandparent figure in my mind, whether she will want to be called that is up to her. Her and my dad divorced when I was 21 and now she's remarried, is her husband a grandpa too? I don't know, again, I think the relationship created with the child is more important. My dad's fiance is also the mother of my youngest sister so she is also in the mix. Plus my husband has parents so there's them too haha. At the end of the day I think the more people in my kids life that want to have a meaningful relationship with him, the better. Four sets of grandparents means more love and I think that's awesome.
PSA: get your Tdap on your right arm since we're supposed to be sleeping on our left side. I got it on the left side, had a bruise, and was very uncomfortable for a few days.
I always request any intramuscular shot be given in my butt. Way more meat back there.
I read that the Rhogam shot used to be given there but it isn't anymore. Anyone know why? I got that and my tdap in my arm last appt.
Re: Week of 5/9 Randoms
July BMB June Signature
First crop from our garden this year! So excited, homegrown strawberries are delicious!
I am feeling a little uncomfortable with the assumption that he will be called grandpa by my child. Is this wrong of me? I guess I'm basing this off of my own relationship with him. Since we don't really have a relationship besides through my mother I wouldn't assume my child would either. And I don't want my child to ever question why one of his/her grandpas isn't more involved in their life.
My dad remarried when I was 16 and his wife is a stepmother/mother figure to me. There is no question she is going to be grandma. Am I overthinking this?
July16 JULY siggy challenge
I think it's very sweet that he is thinking of himself as a grandpa, because it means he already feels a connection to your child. I'd say that thinking of an alternate cutesy name or Grandpa So-and-So may be your best bet. It can help distance it a little, but still allow that connection.
My arm is sore today after the tdap shot that my nurse gave me yesterday. After seeing my adult friend get whooping cough (which lasted three months), I don't even mind a tiny little bit. Give me all the tdap!!
My Wednesday random is this nugget of advice: when you get your TDaP shot, get it on the arm you use the most. The old recommendation was to get it on your non-dominant arm, but now they recommend the dominant arm because you use it more, and using it will get the soreness out. I got mine on the right side (I'm a righty) and it was also nice to be able to sleep mostly on my left side without my arm being incredibly sore.
Good Luck!! Just relax and be confident in your abilities!! I have one next week for a school that is right down the road from us, and is a GREAT school. I'm uber nervous too - especially considering my daughter would get automatic enrollment into them then.
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
July16 JULY siggy challenge
July BMB June Signature
At the end of the day I think the more people in my kids life that want to have a meaningful relationship with him, the better. Four sets of grandparents means more love and I think that's awesome.