Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Random Thoughts Thread
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
@carrieandroy--the good news is that there will indeed be times when a baby is as easy as a cat. I have such good memories of snuggling my sleeping baby boy on the couch for hours at a time. This time around, with a toddler in the house, the snuggle time will look different, but despite the really hard times, there are also some really, really lovely quiet times with a little one.
P.S. It's annoying that when my bump was small and I was excited to show it off, everyone downplayed it and said I didn't even look pregnant. And now that I'm bigger and appreciate comments that make me feel like I'm not a whale, I get the opposite.
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
That having been said, people can be insensitive a$$holes. Sometimes they say things just to make small talk or to try to be "friendly." @CarrieandRoy feelin' ya on that one. That woman is an insensitive a$$hole.
I work with seniors who DON'T HOLD BACK, plus 1 or 2 who have memory loss and literally say "You are huge! Are you sure it's not twins?" Every time they see me.... which is more than 5 times daily!
Although one of them said yesterday, "Have you lost weight? You look like you have. That's great because you were getting really fat." I responded, "Geez I hope I haven't lost weight because that would be really bad for the baby!" She had forgotten that I am pregnant! "OH! You are pregnant? That's wonderful!" I played along because in that situation there is not much one can do. And elderly ladies LOVE pregnant women and babies.
I keep meaning to go to a prenatal yoga class but haven't gotten around to it.
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
I'm absolutely not making an argument for either way being easier--both are damn tough and each recovery has its own challenges. But it did ruffle my feathers a bit to have her assume I would do a c-section "because it's easier." It's actually something I would love to avoid, but risk factors indicate it's likely the best route for us to have a healthy mom and healthy baby in the end.
Anyway. Rant over. But why do people gotta be dumb? It's not a contest and all pregnant ladies are gorgeous.
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
Basically, I'll be glad not to talk with her about pregnancy or child-rearing, like, ever again.
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
ETA: it probably wasn't clear above, but this would bother me too
I'm not sure what the stroller is. Right now it is in the guest room closet and my DH's former step-son is here for the weekend, so I don't want to go in there to check what kind it is. I think it might be this Jeep Cherokee Sport one, although I don't remember what the umbrella part looked like. (Is that what you call the part that shades the baby?) It seems fine, but a stroller is definitely something I would have researched first. I mean, I even researched wash cloths. I'm kind of a crazy person.
ETA: I don't even know what age I'm allowed to start putting the baby in this. I'll have to look it up after I confirm what stroller it is.
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
With the stroller, my MIL gave us an umbrella stroller. I have not used it once. It sits in the basement with a bunch of other stuff we don't use. So if you don't like it, you can probably come up with a story about how that will be the one that stays at home for walks around the block and the other one is in the car for being out and about. And then you only use the one that stays at home when she comes over. haha. I hope it works out though, and you end up liking it!
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
room. If I had to keep it all in the nursery, I'd be toast! There are lots of things that will fold down flat and break down to be small so you can slide it under a bed or whatever when not in use. Almost everything we own does that.
ETA: my "home office" now is a small table in what used to be the eat in area of the kitchen. I can't wait until we can move to a roomier home someday!
Eta: pregsomnia win! Snuck into the bathroom to get a handful of chewy mini sweet tarts. Eating them in bed (quietly) and got the HUGEST kick! I even felt it from the outside. Sugar and no sleep for the wiiiiiiiiin!
hope you get some rest soon
Married 5/30/15
TTC #1 June 2015
BFP #1 9/28/15, EDD 6/10/16. DS born 5/23/16!
TTC #2 May 2017
BFP #2 m/c 11/18/17 5w5d
BFP #3 12/17/17 EDD 8/25/18. It's a boy!
Hope your ankle is better soon and that you also get some rest!
Sometimes I try yoga nidra, its yoga for sleep. They are 30min-60min guided meditations that systematically help you relax your body. You listen to them while lying in bed and many times you'll fall asleep within minutes of starting one. It doesn't always work for me, but most of the time it does.
I'm sure there are tons on Apple music and if you have spotify I like the ones by this woman:
Daniela Casotti (Devamani)
They also have a ton by lots of amazing teachers on yogaglo.com which you can try free for 15 days. Or our favorite one is by Rod Stryker which can only be bought on an old school cd. Ha!
We just have lay on our sides instead of on the back like they all suggest.