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Sensitive Subject - Not keeping baby with (certain) disabilities?

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Re: Sensitive Subject - Not keeping baby with (certain) disabilities?

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    OP, I really, really wanted to defend you, but some of your replies are just so appalling, I simply can't.
    "I
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    What makes you a bad person is the fact that you openly admit that you are disgusted by people who did not have a choice about their shortcomings.  Because, you know, I'm sure if they had only known that one day they were going to offend you, they would've chosen to be differently.

     

    Let me amend my above statement, because I do not wish to judge others.  You aren't a bad person, per se, just misinformed.

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    imagetalltalltrees:
    OP, I really, really wanted to defend you, but some of your replies are just so appalling, I simply can't.

    this is where we need SBP to take our hands and make us walk away....

    image
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    imagehollowstar:
    imageAleciaMarie:

    HS- You need to realize how offensive your attitude toward the disabled has been in this post. You may just want to log off now.

    What is my attitude? They often make me uncomfortable when they approach me uninvited and I feel like they would have a lesser quality of life than a normal child and also cause strain on the rest of my family.

    I apologize for my "greeter" comment. Someone else mentioned being a greeter before I did and I copped it in my own response. Obviously all disabled people aren't only greeters, but my point was only that their career choices are much more limited than the average child.

    I feel like I could be a lot clearer if I wasn't constantly under attack. I'm not going after anyone else's character in my responses. Everything I'm saying is admittedly hypothetical.

    You said yourself that you had very limited exposure to special needs people. So you are basing all of this on ONE experience at a grocery store and some people you saw while in high school? Do you not understand that every mental disability has different levels of function and because you've seen like 4 bad cases it doesn't mean every single one will be like that? Do some reliable research and meet some people before you lump a large group of people into such a mold. 

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    imageRebeccaMay:
    imagejlthompson19:
    imageA*manda*:
    imagejlthompson19:

    I'll be an outsider with you.  Sure, some people with Downs can live great lives, but many, many don't.  Many are NOT the high functioning people you see working at your grocery store. 

    Before becoming pregnant I tested + for the CF gene.  Had my DH also tested postitive we would have first talked about adoption options, but had we proceeded to conceive on our own, and our baby was + for CF, we probably would have aborted. 

     

    Wow, really? This day and age, there is so much amazing technology out there that many CF people *can* live full and healthy lives. Yes, there is that chance that your child may not make it to their teens, but... I couldn't imagine passing that up. I know two sisters with CF, and one just passed away.. at the age of 27 years old and the other is 31 and going strong... both girls are/were the sweetest, most intelligent, fully functioning women, with actually the most amazing singing voices you'd ever heard... and considering the lung issues, it's even more amazing that they used those voices to their full potential. 

    Even the Mayo Clinic says "In the past, most people with cystic fibrosis died in their teens. Improved screening and treatments now allow many people with cystic fibrosis to live into their 50s or even longer." https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cystic-fibrosis/DS00287

     

    Right, but the norm don't live past their 30's.  I don't want that for my child. 

    And as for the pp-no I don't have stats, but don't misquote me and say I said MOST aren't high functioning-I said many.  HUGE difference.

    OP was right to call the pro-lifers in this thread high horse riders, look at all the judgement going on.  DO NOT try to crucify those of us who may or may not make different decisions about our bodies and our children.  You have NO idea unless you are actually in the predicament.

     Seriously, you wouldn't allow your child 30 years??  I can understand if their life expectancy was 5 years or less but three decades is not worth seeing it through?? 

    I have a cousin with CF.  She has taken medication all her life and has had to have respitory and IV therapy many times a year to keep her fairly healthy.  Her parents had to dedicate themselves to making sure she recieved all the treatment that she could possibly need.  She is 30 this year.  Yes, she gets sick more often than most people.  But she was a competitive figure skater in her teens, is a fantastic aunt to her sister's daughter, is a brillent fashion designer and an all around amazing person.  I for one, am glad that I have had these last thirty years to get to know her.  I worry about her, yes, but to say it would have been better for her never to have been born??  No one in our family would even consider the possibility. 

     

    That's great for your cousin, really it is.  But considering this is MY child and MY body, yes, we would have had a serious discussion and probable abortion had the baby at 10 weeks (which is when you can get a CF diagnosis) had been CF +.  Furthermore, I have NEVER and will never say that anyone should not have been born. 

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    I agree with those who say that the situation with a special needs child often extends long past childhood. My dad was in a serious car accident when I was 2 and has been mentally and physically disabled ever since. He is able to live life with happiness, has a job, and is a proud father. HOWEVER he has also struggled with the anger of knowing he is limited and the frustration of needing a live-in care taker. Yes he has a job at Easter Seals, but he dreams to have a job as a race car driver or go to college. He is sad often and feels trapped and doesn?t have the capacity to deal with these emotions well, even with daily group sessions at his work. I have lived with this my whole life, and see how hard it is for him AND those of us who love him. DH also spent considerable amounts of time volunteering with disabled adults.

     

    DH and I tested for Down?s not knowing which decision we would make. Even if we decided not to terminate, we preferred to be able to prepare ourselves mentally for the challenge.

     

    Obviously I know, more than most hopefully ever will, that situations can change and you can be faced with a special needs child (or family member) long after birth? but if this was a situation we could prevent, it?s possible we would have if given the choice.

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    this thread is reminicent of a psychology 101 class in your local community college.  the ignorance from all sides is really pitiful.   
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    imagehollowstar:

    I honestly was not trying to be offensive. I was wondering if other people were concerned about testing as a possible end of their pregnancy should the results be bad. You know, for support, and a bit out of curiosity perhaps. I definitely wasn't trying to incite anything like this. I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

    Kind of getting off topic but Why would letting my kids express their honest opinions make me a bad parent? Am I supposed to stifle the things that naturally pop into their heads and mold them into something else?

    Yes, I'm young. And I don't know a ton of people with special needs, and none well. But I have been around quite a few both in school and through other organizations, enough to know that severe mental disability is not something I could deal with. If you could and you are better than me, that's fine, but at least I can admit my shortcomings and am prepared to act accordingly.

    How can people get so offended with the fact that something makes me uncomfortable?

    And as for the statistic, I suppose I'm throwing that around so much to point out that while I may be the minority on this board, in this theoretical conversation, I am very much the norm when it comes to people who actually do have to make this difficult decision.

    we teach acceptance in our home, but then again I tend to think we make sense

    image
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    I'm late joining in, it seems, but I'll throw in my $.02.  I am the only "normal/healthy" child among 7 cousins.  Two of my cousins have autism spectrum disorders, three have cerebral palsy, four have ADHD and various learning disorders.  Our family get-togethers tend to resemble a circus.

    That being said, I would not terminate or give up a child based solely on DS or another mental/physical disability.  I have seen the struggles that our family has gone through, and know the pressure that was put on me as the only grandchild without any of these issues, but I've also seen the joy in the lives of my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Are they all highly functioning?  For the most part, yes.  Does that impact my thinking?  I'm sure it does.

    Let me say, though, that if I found out that my child had a physical anomaly that would be fatal at or before birth (Potter's Sequence, anencephaly, etc), I would terminate immediately.  I know that I personally would not be able to handle taking that type of pregnancy to term and then dealing with the loss.  I also know that some people think that is cold-hearted and makes me unfit as a parent. 

    If you know that you would not be able to deal with a DS/CF/etc child, then for you, termination may be the best answer, even though it is not for me.  If my child had the chance to survive and possibility (with therapies, aides, whatever) to grow up and enjoy their life, I would not take that away from them.  I also would not want to bring a disabled child into the world and then fail to care for them as necessary, and if that would be your situation, then make the decision that is right for you - based on your posts, I think you already know what that is. 

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    imagetalltalltrees:
    OP, I really, really wanted to defend you, but some of your replies are just so appalling, I simply can't.

    Yeah. It's the appalling replies that have me baffled. Abortions for all, but your replies? Shockingly inappropriate uninformed and ignorant.

    You have a long road ahead of you.

    image Josephine is 4.
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    imagehollowstar:

    [As for asking what I have against "sick" children, I would not just love but FIGHT for my child if they were mentally normal but physically ill.

    So you would not love a child with a mental disability?

    That makes me so sad.

    My son was born with a birth defect. We knew at 18 weeks. There were several syndromes he could've had along with this defect, but he was already named, already loved.

    We weren't trying for a child, but I would have NEVER terminated because of a birth defect/mental illness.

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    imagehollowstar:

    I honestly was not trying to be offensive. I was wondering if other people were concerned about testing as a possible end of their pregnancy should the results be bad. You know, for support, and a bit out of curiosity perhaps. I definitely wasn't trying to incite anything like this. I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

    Kind of getting off topic but Why would letting my kids express their honest opinions make me a bad parent? Am I supposed to stifle the things that naturally pop into their heads and mold them into something else?

    Yes, I'm young. And I don't know a ton of people with special needs, and none well. But I have been around quite a few both in school and through other organizations, enough to know that severe mental disability is not something I could deal with. If you could and you are better than me, that's fine, but at least I can admit my shortcomings and am prepared to act accordingly.

    How can people get so offended with the fact that something makes me uncomfortable?

    And as for the statistic, I suppose I'm throwing that around so much to point out that while I may be the minority on this board, in this theoretical conversation, I am very much the norm when it comes to people who actually do have to make this difficult decision.

    Are you supposed to stifle the things that naturally pop into their heads? Um, yes! Do you want them walking up to strangers in the grocery store and saying "ew, why are you so fat?!" Probably not. It's about teaching manners and respect! But I guess that's not important to you if you feel that it is "molding your children into something else."

    You keep saying that you're admitting your shortcomings like you are some sort of martyr, but you won't own up to the fact that what you said about disabled in your earlier threads is absolutely deplorable and disgusting.

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    Let it be known that I am completely judging you right now based off your post. I'm all for choice but as others have said, being a parent means dealing with all sorts of situations. I'm sorry but "special needs" does not mean that their lives are worth any less than yours or mine.
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    imagehollowstar:

    My thoughts on abortion have probably shifted since becoming pregnant but I would still rather no child than a severely mentally disabled child. What does a mentally disabled person contribute to the world? Honestly, they might brighten their family's life, but I want my baby to at least have the chance to grow up to be president or an engineer or a writer... not a greeter.

    This is what makes you an ***. The fact that you can't seem to comprehend that mentally disabled people can contribute to the world. I wouldn't judge you if decided to abort a DS baby, but it would make me incredibly sad. I do judge you for being uncompassionate towards all mentally disabled people.

     BTW, my best friend gave birth to a daughter with DS when she was 23 years old. It can most definitely happen to you.

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    We didn't do any of the elective testing for either pregnancy. I can't think of any reason I would chose to terminate. While a child with DS may have challenges in life, it makes me sad to think that they don't deserve a chance. So, yes, I'm one of "those" pro-lifers for myself. Ultimately, you get to make your own choice for your baby.
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    It explains a lot how so many of you don't want your child to think freely. If my child has a problem with some of my beliefs I won't necessarily change the rules for them, but they will always have the option of letting me know how they feel whether or not I agree. I hope they do not become a racist, etc., but telling them not to say it out loud isn't going to stop them from thinking it. I'd rather have an honest discussion with my child than simply punish them for disagreeing with me or society.

    I don't choose to feel uncomfortable. And for the record, I would be equally as uncomfortable if a non mentally challenged stranger hugged me. I will not instruct my children to feel any which way about the mentally disabled other than to explain what it means (physically and socially). If my child is uncomfortable and that is their gut reaction, I will certainly not shame them for something that is out of their control.

    In case it was misunderstood, I tried to explain that if my child came out with a disability I would have a decision to make whether or not adoption would be a better choice. Nowhere have I said that newborns or adults with disabilities shouldn't live once they are here, only that I would opt to terminate if I found out early enough.

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    imagelindseymik13:

    Since your OP mention DS as your main fear how are going to find out if it severe or not?   

    I was just generalizing because it's a common test. Seriously, this wasn't supposed to be a malicious post.

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    I don't think that anyone is debating or disagreeing with the fact that we all would make our own choices based on our own limits. When it comes to finding out that our unborn child might have a disability we all would do what is best for us & our families.

    What we are saying is that the OP is heartless & very ignorant to think & say  that people with mental handicaps are a waste & burden to society. That she would only fight for her physically ill child & not a child who is mentally ill.

    Lets get that distinction out of the way right now because I think OP is having a hard time understanding the difference between what being honest & having empathy really mean. Because this unpopular opinion of hers is down right appalling & I can only hope that with time she grows to know why what she has said is so wrong.

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    imagehollowstar:

    I hope they do not become a racist, etc., but telling them not to say it out loud isn't going to stop them from thinking it.

    oh Lordy.

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    imagehollowstar:

    It explains a lot how so many of you don't want your child to think freely. If my child has a problem with some of my beliefs I won't necessarily change the rules for them, but they will always have the option of letting me know how they feel whether or not I agree. I hope they do not become a racist, etc., but telling them not to say it out loud isn't going to stop them from thinking it. I'd rather have an honest discussion with my child than simply punish them for disagreeing with me or society.

    I don't choose to feel uncomfortable. And for the record, I would be equally as uncomfortable if a non mentally challenged stranger hugged me. I will not instruct my children to feel any which way about the mentally disabled other than to explain what it means (physically and socially). If my child is uncomfortable and that is their gut reaction, I will certainly not shame them for something that is out of their control.

    In case it was misunderstood, I tried to explain that if my child came out with a disability I would have a decision to make whether or not adoption would be a better choice. Nowhere have I said that newborns or adults with disabilities shouldn't live once they are here, only that I would opt to terminate if I found out early enough.

    How can you explain if you yourself have admitted to only having limited experience with the disabled?  I encourage you to understand before you make a final decision.

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    What if your "normal" child wanted to express themselves by hugging a complete stranger in the mall? Just curious what you would do in this situation...
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    imagehollowstar:

    It explains a lot how so many of you don't want your child to think freely. If my child has a problem with some of my beliefs I won't necessarily change the rules for them, but they will always have the option of letting me know how they feel whether or not I agree. I hope they do not become a racist, etc., but telling them not to say it out loud isn't going to stop them from thinking it. I'd rather have an honest discussion with my child than simply punish them for disagreeing with me or society.

    I don't choose to feel uncomfortable. And for the record, I would be equally as uncomfortable if a non mentally challenged stranger hugged me. I will not instruct my children to feel any which way about the mentally disabled other than to explain what it means (physically and socially). If my child is uncomfortable and that is their gut reaction, I will certainly not shame them for something that is out of their control.

    In case it was misunderstood, I tried to explain that if my child came out with a disability I would have a decision to make whether or not adoption would be a better choice. Nowhere have I said that newborns or adults with disabilities shouldn't live once they are here, only that I would opt to terminate if I found out early enough.

    Do you truly not understand that it is your responsibility as a parent to help your child "not become a racist?" It's not like they're born with preconceptions. They will get their ideas somewhere. For the most part, that would be you.

    ETA: I realize that there are racist parents who have non-racist children and vice-versa, I'm just making the point that an attitude of tolerance can start very early, with the parents. Like I said, the baby doesn't come out with preconceptions (or prejudices, as the case may be)

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    imagehollowstar:

    The reason I bring it up is because I'm coming up on at least some testing. While I'm not over 35 and likely won't have most optional testing performed, it is one of those things we wanted to have a decision on before the fact. Much like knowing what you want to do before taking a pregnancy test (assuming you aren't trying to get pregnant). I find it helpful to have an informed decision before emotions are involved. Not to say my mind might not change in the moment, but knowing what my beliefs are isolated from my situation helps me make difficult choices. Obviously I don't know what will happen or how I will feel, but I'm free to talk and speculate the same as we do on these boards about what birth will be like or what we'd do in the case of twins or pushy mother-in-laws.

    As for disabilities other than Down Syndrome that could slip through testing, it would depend on the disability. My DH and I have discussed the possibility of adoption for a special needs child but who knows how we'd feel in the moment. As for Autism in particular, the best case scenario for Autism is much better than the best case for Down. Autistic children struggle socially (in varying degrees) but as far as I know they can be very, very smart. It's obviously a different situation with things that can't be detected or don't show up immediately at birth.

    My high school had specific programs for mentally challenged students. Many of my classes had at least one severely mentally handicapped person, sometimes with an aide helping them. I witnessed outbursts, inappropriate touching (in swim class one boy was constantly touching himself under his shorts in front of everyone in the pool), and tons of boundary issues. I'm not sure what the Special Olympics would do to change my mind. Yes, some mentally handicapped kids can be more highly functioning but why take the chance if you don't have to? The fact that they don't even realize they're being inappropriate hammers home my point on why they can never really function in society.

    Thank you to those of you who understand where I'm coming from and aren't calling me disgusting for what I'm sure tons of people privately think.

     

    There are PLENTY of disabilities that you won't find out about until after your child is born.  My brother has a severe case of cerebral palsy.  He can't walk, talk, he wears a diaper, is in a wheelchair, has a seizure disorder amongst many others, but he is the happiest kid I know.  He's 29.  He's my BIG brother and I wouldn't have it any other way.  The bond we have is just amazing.  My parents didn't know anything was wrong with him until he was one.  I really think that you're opinion of people who are mentally retarded is just disgusting.  It's immature, and honestly seems to be on the same level as high school students and children who don't understand people who have mental disabilities.  You really need to sit down and think about what you're saying.  You think that just because someone is different that they won't have a positive impact on the world.  I'm here to tell you that you are SO wrong.  My brother will never be president, but I wouldn't be the woman I am today without my brother and for that I am so grateful.  I think that you need to have a 'come to Jesus' type realization before your stare into the eyes of your baby, because honey, you will be so in love, that you won't CARE that your baby is different.  You will want the best for your baby no matter what. I was younger than you when I had my DD, and girls like you give young moms a bad name.  Grow up.   For your babies sake, please do it soon.

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    imagehollowstar:

    In case it was misunderstood, I tried to explain that if my child came out with a disability I would have a decision to make whether or not adoption would be a better choice. Nowhere have I said that newborns or adults with disabilities shouldn't live once they are here, only that I would opt to terminate if I found out early enough.

    So you don't believe in unconditional love either?

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    Does anyone remember Buckets on 12-24? Her unborn baby (and forgive me, I cant remember exact details, chime in if you do) would have been severely disabled and only survive to the teen years and need extensive care. She made the choice to terminate her pregnancy. Her story was an amazing one of a strong woman who made an extremely difficult choice. While every child born with a disability/impairment is different it must be a very difficult choice and I think until you are in that situation its hard to say what you would or wouldnt do
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    You know what - I really try hard to be non-judgemental of people or mean to people on the bump.  I don't think people should be flamed - but here is the thing.  You are completely, COMPLETELY able to stop yourself from posting utterly assinine bs.  You CAN think before you type, You can stop yourself from posting - In this instance you are just choosing to look more ridiculous than you need to.  I am judging you one things that YOU are typing and the judgement is not harsh but truly just disappointing.  I don't care that you said you are young - you are an adult and just SHOULD KNOW BETTER - and a lot of what you are typing is just ignorant. 

    That said - I am sure this is just a shortcoming and I don't judge you as a total idiot but I just don't get this post and the continued comments you make.

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    imagehollowstar:

    It explains a lot how so many of you don't want your child to think freely. If my child has a problem with some of my beliefs I won't necessarily change the rules for them, but they will always have the option of letting me know how they feel whether or not I agree. I hope they do not become a racist, etc., but telling them not to say it out loud isn't going to stop them from thinking it. I'd rather have an honest discussion with my child than simply punish them for disagreeing with me or society.

    You are completly missing the point. This has nothing to do with thinking freely. It really doesn't. I think it's cute though that you are trying to be all free thinking unconformist like.

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    imageChickpea2010:

    Are you supposed to stifle the things that naturally pop into their heads? Um, yes! Do you want them walking up to strangers in the grocery store and saying "ew, why are you so fat?!" Probably not. It's about teaching manners and respect! But I guess that's not important to you if you feel that it is "molding your children into something else."

    You keep saying that you're admitting your shortcomings like you are some sort of martyr, but you won't own up to the fact that what you said about disabled in your earlier threads is absolutely deplorable and disgusting.

    TO ME. They can voice whatever they want TO ME. I will of course teach acceptance (but not blind acceptance, but to ask questions) and to have manners. But home and family is a safe place.

    What did I say that was so disgusting? That I have had many occasions where disabled people were inappropriate? I have. Situations made me uncomfortable. Not all disabled people have boundary issues but it is my experience that the severely disabled ones do.

    I'm not sure why being put off by unrequested physical contact makes me deplorable and disgusting.

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    I am so sick of people talking about how babies/children with Down's and other severe disabilities are the "sweetest.....". Yea, and then a lot of them become adults, kicked out of services, unable to find jobs, depressed, etc.    Their parents end up divorced and broke.  Give me an f-ing break. Reality check.

    I would ABSOLUTELY abort if any genetic issues were detected. Why knowingly birth a child who would suffer?

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    My child thinks freely.  He also knows that certain behaviors and attitudes are unacceptable in a civilized society.  Because along with teaching your child to think freely, you also have to teach them courtesy and tact, which is what precludes normal people from saying or typing the weirdo sh!t you're typing here.
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    I would like a list of OP's accomplishments, specifically those that have enriched the lives of others, so I can decide whether I think she should have been aborted or not.

    List or paragraph form, I'm not picky.

    So it goes.
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    imaget.bird:
    imagehollowstar:

    I hope they do not become a racist, etc., but telling them not to say it out loud isn't going to stop them from thinking it.

    oh Lordy.

    I live in Portland too... we aren't the most racially diverse city which makes it even more important to raise our children to NOT think about racial differences. Part of being a parent is helping them learn what to think. These thoughts are natural to think "this person is different from me" it is NOT natural to think there is something lesser or wrong with them because of it

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    imageAuddie2122:
    What if your "normal" child wanted to express themselves by hugging a complete stranger in the mall? Just curious what you would do in this situation...

    I would teach them that it is socially unacceptable to do so and that it could make them uncomfortable. A normal child should be able to comprehend this fairly easily.

    The person who hugged me in a store was an adult.

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    imagenic326:
    Does anyone remember Buckets on 12-24? Her unborn baby (and forgive me, I cant remember exact details, chime in if you do) would have been severely disabled and only survive to the teen years and need extensive care. She made the choice to terminate her pregnancy. Her story was an amazing one of a strong woman who made an extremely difficult choice. While every child born with a disability/impairment is different it must be a very difficult choice and I think until you are in that situation its hard to say what you would or wouldnt do

    I don't think this is true. If I remember correctly Bucket's baby was originally given only a few years to survive. However, at birth they told her that the problems were much more severe than expected and the baby would have not survived.

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    imageSpenjamins:

    I am so sick of people talking about how babies/children with Down's and other severe disabilities are the "sweetest.....". Yea, and then a lot of them become adults, kicked out of services, unable to find jobs, depressed, etc.    Their parents end up divorced and broke.  Give me an f-ing break. Reality check.

    I would ABSOLUTELY abort if any genetic issues were detected. Why knowingly birth a child who would suffer?

    Yeah I see where you are coming from. The OP is just an asshat and ignorant.

    Still, I'm more offended by people who give birth and raise children who knowingly MAKE people suffer.

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    imageLucyHoneychrrch:
    My child thinks freely.  He also knows that certain behaviors and attitudes are unacceptable in a civilized society.  Because along with teaching your child to think freely, you also have to teach them courtesy and tact, which is what precludes normal people from saying or typing the weirdo sh!t you're typing here.

    So what would you do if you had a disabled child who was unable to understand what you tried to teach about cultural norms and acceptable behavior?

    For eff's sake, I have no idea what I would do if I actually had a disabled child - my post was only supposed to be about early termination.

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    imagedelg23:
    However, if for whatever reason the baby was born with a disability I would definitely not put him/her up for adoption. At that point I would want the best life for my child and I don't think adoption would lead to a more optimal life for this baby as not many people out there are looking to adopt special needs children. 

    I personally have two friends that are in the process of adopting special needs children. There are actually plenty of families willing to adopt, just not enough funds.

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    imagehollowstar:
    imageChickpea2010:

    Are you supposed to stifle the things that naturally pop into their heads? Um, yes! Do you want them walking up to strangers in the grocery store and saying "ew, why are you so fat?!" Probably not. It's about teaching manners and respect! But I guess that's not important to you if you feel that it is "molding your children into something else."

    You keep saying that you're admitting your shortcomings like you are some sort of martyr, but you won't own up to the fact that what you said about disabled in your earlier threads is absolutely deplorable and disgusting.

    TO ME. They can voice whatever they want TO ME. I will of course teach acceptance (but not blind acceptance, but to ask questions) and to have manners. But home and family is a safe place.

    What did I say that was so disgusting? That I have had many occasions where disabled people were inappropriate? I have. Situations made me uncomfortable. Not all disabled people have boundary issues but it is my experience that the severely disabled ones do.

    I'm not sure why being put off by unrequested physical contact makes me deplorable and disgusting.

    Being put off by unrequested physical contact does not make you deplorable and disgusting. Your attitude toward the disabled earlier in this thread does. There are ways to say say that you're uncomfortable in a manner that do not completely insult and offend others.

  • Options
    imagehollowstar:

    imagegtown_bride:
    I wouldn't rule out any option. My sister is severely disabled, and I've seen what my parents have gone through with her. She will never be independent. She's like a 2-year old in 30-year-old's body. I will have to take care of her one day, and it's a huge issue for everyone in my family. I wouldn't choose that life for anyone. I think it's easy to say that "special needs" kids are no big deal if you haven't dealt with it it every single day. Maybe they're cute and happy when they're little, but it's a lot harder when they're grown adults. After you're gone, who will take care of them? There are a lot of issues people don't think about.

    This. If your special needs child outlives you, they typically become a burden either on another family member or the system. That isn't fair to anyone.

    My thoughts on abortion have probably shifted since becoming pregnant but I would still rather no child than a severely mentally disabled child. What does a mentally disabled person contribute to the world? Honestly, they might brighten their family's life, but I want my baby to at least have the chance to grow up to be president or an engineer or a writer... not a greeter.

    I also find mentally disabled persons extremely uncomfortable to be around for non family members. A "man" with Down Syndrome insisted on hugging me once while I was shopping. My high school had a large program for disabled kids and there were kids that barked, that drooled, that were overly touchy and had no sense of boundaries. Ego is an important part in human development from an evolutionary standpoint and without that filter it is all but impossible to function in society.

    I didn't mean that I didn't want everyone's opinion, but more pointing out that I was looking for people who share my views and concerns versus trying to start an argument.

    As for asking what I have against "sick" children, I would not just love but FIGHT for my child if they were mentally normal but physically ill.

    Hollowstar, this is a disgusting opinion to spew, especially in the context of carrying a tiny life in your body.  I have no doubt that you won't have to worry about being blessed with a special needs baby, because God isn't dumb enough to hand that mission over to you.  I almost never say this to people based on age, but you have a lot to learn about this world before you earn the right to comment on topics that your immature sense of reasoning obviously cannot comprehend.

     

     

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