@tumbleweed-1 and @ohioforever19 thanks for your replies! What I found in my research was exactly what y’all said. So I was confused when my doctor acted as if I was making the wrong choice not to immediately pursue genetic testing or action. What I found was that this is considered a “normal heart variation” and doesn’t lead to cardiac concerns long term. It’s also a lesser soft marker for Down Syndrome than many other soft markers. And because it was isolated, it also made it less concerning. I’m a high anxiety kind of person and I don’t like the feeling of “a wrong decision”. It’s been a hard 24 hours.
I’m trying to do some tours for labor and delivery wards in different hospitals. Does anyone know the process of it? Also, I don’t think my current OB will be going to different hospitals for my delivery, so does that mean I need to switch OBs asap?
@lmn823 You can switch if you want but most practices have whoever is on call deliver the baby. I have always ended up with someone I don’t know because I have had to rotate through the doctors. The one doctor that usually delivered her patients baby’s didn’t make it to my delivery because they waited too long to call her and she didn’t make it in time. So my husband ended up delivering that baby while the on call doctor stood and watched. They wouldn’t touch me because as soon as they did my doctor couldn’t get billed for the delivery.
@lmn823 it's probably a little different here because there are 9 times the people in your city than there are in my state, so when we're talking hospitals, it's a selection of like 4, tops, and not much need to shop around. For my first, my OB was cleared to deliver at either of the two in town that had L/D facilities, and she delivered my daughter, no issues. This time, we're in a different city with a few more options, and my OB here does all her own deliveries but only will do them at one hospital (because she's routinely had to go straight from one to another and it wouldn't be possible if she had to go to different hospitals). So that's where I'll be, because I want her doing the delivery, but they said that up front at my first appointment. I've only known a few other moms in either city who didn't have their usual OB deliver their babies and just had the on-call there, but again, less facilities = more likelihood of your own doctor. So if you like your OB and they only do one hospital, I guess that's where you go! But that's probably worth a call, quickly, to get their feedback on what their process usually is, so if it only is one hospital where you don't want to go (or at least where your dislike of that facility outweighs your liking of your doctor), you can find another OB.
@emeraldcity603 What a story! Actually my Dad also ended up delivering me because the OB hadn't arrived yet - my poor Mom was still in the triage room.
@ohioforever19 Just had my anatomy scan last week and this baby has an EIF as well. My NIPT testing had already come back clear, and the MFM who oversaw the scan let me know that EIF is super common in Asian babies (we are Indian) so she did not recommend any further follow up or testing.
@lmn823 so, does your OB not deliver at all in the health system that you'll be delivering in? Like others said, it majorly depends on who is on call, but it's nice to know the possibility of seeing a familiar face. I normally have 1 or 2 OBs in my practice who I love, and prefer to schedule with, but I try to rotate through all 6 of them in the practice during my prenatal appointments just to familiarize myself with even more people. There are others in the call group that are not at my specific practice, so I'm aware it could be someone else as well. It's one of the reasons I like having a doula. I'm assured there is someone there I'm familiar with that is helpful, outside of my husband lol.
Also, if you are induced or have a c-section, you usually have a good chance of scheduling it with someone you know. I was induced w/ my daughter and my OB made sure she was on call during my induction date (dates).
@lmn823 similar experience here. We have two main hospitals in town but my practice is only associated with the hospital I have delivered it and will deliver at this time. I get whoever is on call that day when I go in. With my first I had met the OB during regular visits and my second I had not met her prior but she was still great. They try to get you scheduled with different providers to meet them before delivery.
As far as tours, at least with our hospital you had to schedule it with the hospital. They had a whole list of classes and tours on their website and we signed up through there. You could always check the hospital’s website.
@priyadoc They left me in the triage room the entire time I labored because I didn’t want an epidural and there were a lot of women coming in that did or needed c-sections. So they got priority for the rooms. Plus, every time the nurse came in to check on me I looked like I was sleeping because I was focused on relaxing through the contractions. It wasn’t until I got up to go to the bathroom after a contraction and realized there was a huge amount of pressure that I was really close and needed to alert the nurses. My husband gloved up in the triage room ready to deliver the baby in the hallway if needed. I did tell him he needed to make sure he slows the baby down the next time he delivers a baby. Our baby shot out of me so fast she damaged the muscles down the side of my vagina and it caused me to have severe muscle spasms for several years following her birth.
@emeraldcity603 oh my goodness! The reflex was high with that one. Hopefully this one is slower going for you.
I deliver fast and my biggest fear this time is it will mess me up. I don’t want to complain about fast deliveries but it can do a number if they come too fast. Last time my kiddo gave me back issues because of how intense and fast I delivered. I came home and slept on the couch for 2 weeks to be elevated and at times could not hold her because I hurt so bad. Took me a long time and lots of chiropractor care to recover.
@novelblessings you poor thing. I had a friend who had a broken tailbone from a fast delivery. It’s something I think about when I wish for nothing but a faster delivery this time around. There has to be a happy medium in there so where lol.
@msjaay no it’s not that, it’s the hospital in general. The OBs are great here, but it’s the whole hospital vibe that we don’t like. Like just imagine Bronx rude, rude rude rude. Like I had my anatomy scan done there and even just entering the hospital, you have no choice but to valet your car and you’re dealing with valet that thinks they’re doing you a favor (anddd it’s $15 each time to park with no self park). I even got into the elevator and two nurses bumped into me with no apologies and just eye rolls with no consideration I’m pregnant. I’m like woosah they’re definitely going to a different division in the hospital. I can’t even get a tour bc they’re still not doing tours, probably because of “Covid”. And you get shared rooms after delivery. My OB and her team are there.
But the hospital like 20 mins away is better. I went there for a mammogram recently and it was just overall better and cleaner and I felt welcoming but my ob won’t deliver there. So I would have to switch OBs I’m assuming??
So new to me all of this and definitely overwhelming.
@lmn823 SHARED ROOMS?! That still exists? I thought that was just on Friends from like 1996. Also you would not get me setting foot in a hospital that doesn't feel clean. First world problems, I know, but from what you describe I'd be camping on the lawn at the one further away rather than even think about the one with rude nurses and no tours (my first thought is WTF ARE THEY HIDING).
@novelblessings@emeraldcity603 what is fast delivery even like?! I pushed for three hours, after laboring the previous 11. Got a third degree tear as a souvenir but thankfully no other major damage or anything. My sister pushed for 4 hours and wound up with a 4th degree starburst tear, such that she had to be surgically reconstructed, since she was told her nethers looked less like human anatomy and more like a plate of spaghetti, and she can't have more bio kids because of it -- which is why I have an adopted nephew, and my OB (who is also my sister's OB, although not the moron who delivered my niece, because she clearly switched doctors after that debacle) is being reeeeeeally cautious with mine (hence the likely scheduled c-section) since we have similar builds and are both apparently prone to tearing.
@ki1244 yup shared rooms after labor. I’ve read reviews about this hospital where they were in the same room with a sheet dividing them with a snorer! No I do not want to be exhausted from pushing out baby or surgery and then hearing snoring that is not mine! Maybe it is first world problems but that’s why I have the option to switch but I guess without my OB there. And yeah so weird what are they hiding I can’t do a tour?? They said I can ZOOM call and have a nurse walk me through the downtown location ONLY. Ummm that’s not where I want to be in the middle of Manhattan with traffic and no parking and more shared rooms. And when I said that they said then I can just look at their YouTube video. Smh
@ki1244 Fast deliver is the baby being out in 1-2 pushes taking no longer than 10-15 minutes. I feel like my longest pushing phase was with my last baby and there was no real direction like, “let’s go ahead and push now.” I used a very hands off midwife who I am using again this time. I prefer more direction in the pushing phase. Although, with the baby my husband delivered I didn’t get any direction. They all just stood there and stared at me. I finally told my husband to get down there and tell me what the hell was going on. Once he said I was ready I began pushing. Pushing takes the pain of transition away and then it’s all over now the baby is out. So I’m all for pushing as soon as possible once I hit transition.
@ki1244 same I pushed for 4 hours and labored for 44 hours prior to that. My OB came to see me and my daughter in mother/baby after I had her and promised me it would never take that long again if I had another. I was like, don’t make promises you can’t keep lol. I’m holding her to it.
@lmn823 yeah, I think the shared rooms would put me over the edge. I’ve never had a tour before, so I don’t know that that would necessarily bother me as much. I’m assuming you would just switch OBs. There’s a chance you wouldn’t even see yours, so as long as you felt good about the medical staff at this hospital, I would do it!
@slothstatus I have felt pressure/ it almost feels bruised down there. I asked my midwife yesterday and they do a urine test to make sure I didn’t have an infection but she said there is an increase of blood flow in that whole area that can lead to that feeling but she wasn’t concerned
@slothstatus yes, to pressure. I'm not swollen just yet, but I don't remember feeling this much pressure with my daughter this early on. I'm definitely bigger this time around, but the baby isn't, so I'm assuming it's just the extra weight. I did pelvic floor therapy after my first, but I'm still weaker now than I was, so I'm sure that could be at play. I don't know. I'm just spit balling lol.
@msjaay I too had to do pelvic floor therapy after my first but I didn’t have child care so I couldn’t keep going and now I pee myself with everything despite doing kegels maybe that’s why I’m swollen since I’m so weak down there. And same I’m much bigger than last time and baby isn’t.
I don’t feel a ton of pressure. I can feel the baby when he is pushing against my cervix. Sometimes he is positioned in my pelvis where I can’t bend down without discomfort. I’m not swollen yet either. That usually starts around week 30 for me and when it does, holy cow! It’s a lot.
@ki1244 My first was 8 hours labor and 20 min pushing. I think I pushed like 4 times. My second was 6 hours labor and 6 minutes/2 pushes. Still tore both times because they came quickly. With both I just felt the urge to push, so I did with direction. Both times they kind of eluded to slowing down but I was like yea no this baby is coming out now! My second it’s like she just shot out of there once I had the urge. I still wish I had a slower transition to avoid some of the physical trauma of last time.
@slothstatus I have pressure on and off and can tell this little dude is just low in general. It’s going to make for a fantastic third tri. My second kiddo once I was around 30 weeks is when I noticed a lot of pressure from there on out.
@slothstatus I was nesting big time a few weeks ago but so far this month we’ve been so busy that I don’t have the energy to even think about nesting I just want one day where absolutely nothing is required of me😅
I am coming out of whatever I was going through physically that was causing me extreme fatigue. So I have not been nesting the last few weeks. The fatigue was insane and it was pretty much all day long. So I have only been able to do the bare minimum.
Anyone have suggestions for getting baby to settle down at night? This kid is already keeping me up. With my last, he’d have a nice active stretch at about 9 pm, usually accompanied by a round of hiccups, and then drift peacefully off to sleep again for the night.
This one feels like he’s tap dancing in there anytime I lie down and stretch out, and just when I start to drift off, he’ll punch me in the cervix and jolt me back awake. I’m glad baby’s healthy and active, but I know he’ll only get stronger, and I’m on night three with very minimal sleep. Help! 😩
Sorry, the only way I stop feeling movement is for me to start moving. It’s like my movement soothes baby to sleep and when I sit down he starts getting more active.
STMs what do you do when your toddler won’t nap? I’m just leaving him in his crib because he’s not upset and I need a break. But it’s hard mentally knowing he’s not doing what he “should” be doing
@ccmrc143 if you figure it out, let me know? My daughter is probably closer to dropping nap (she turns 4 in June) but good Lord she turns into a dang monster in the afternoon without one. So I've been clinging with every last fingernail to nap but she's thwarting me. For a while I told her that I would stay with her for 20 minutes and we would rest, and if she was still awake at the end of that, we would do quiet time instead. That worked for a month or two, but then she figured out she falls asleep within that time so started talking, asking a million questions, and generally driving me nuts to keep herself awake, but when I leave she just whines and cries. So where we've landed at the moment is that we snuggle for five minutes through a relax cycle on my Fitbit, and then she has around an hour in her room. I have some "quiet"-ish toys in there (puzzles, books, lacing cards, her Barbies, with a lighter playlist of music on her tablet) and she can come out when the Hatch light turns green and the bird noises start. Then for the next half hour or so, she has a bin of living room quiet time activities (markers, painting books, play dough, stuff that I would die if she had on the carpet but she can do on the wood floor) and if she hasn't fought me on all that and I still need a few minutes, at the end we watch an episode or two of Bluey. Knock on wood, that's seemed to work ok, and she's less of a jerk with a relax cycle than she was with just spending all her energy yelling at me. I still don't have the same kind of break as I did when she napped (she saves her poop for that time, I think, so I still have to be able to go wipe her, and she still fights me on it a little bit and asks questions and bugs me for things sometimes) but it's better than nothing.
@ki1244 haha I love that so much. It sounds like it’s working!! Thankfully DS is just about 2 so I’ve got a ways to go and hopefully another baby to deal with before we hit the dreaded no sleeping nap stage. He also doesn’t argue with me yet, he accepts nap time and doesn’t try to outsmart me (yet). The whole afternoon is a nightmare without the nap for sure so I think that’s where my anxiety comes from with it. It’s this weird mental thing where if I know he’s awake I can’t relax, and I’m trying to push through it!
@ccmrc143 my son is 2.5 and he sometimes doesn’t nap. I feel awful for doing this but I use a lot of screen time so I can clean, cook, rest, etc. I feel so guilty but I’m on survival mode and he rarely naps now.
My son is 4 now and hasn’t napped at home in at least a year. We just power through the day and do an earlier bedtime. I quickly gave up any attempts at enforcing rest/down time. We do use tv babysitter at times when we really need a break, but he’s pretty good at playing independently on his own finally.
My youngest is 4 and I can’t remember the last time she napped at home. When she does it’s random or she is sick. We just usually plan for down time or quiet time if she gets in a tired mood during the day. Then I push for earlier bedtime. My oldest she just never napped, it was a nightmare. I hope our boy loves sleep.
As for the active baby. Mine is very active. He’s more wiggly than my girls were. If I’m moving he stops. It’s soothing for them to feel movement, kind of trains them for the outside from the inside. I just try to ignore him at night but it’s hard at times. He’s always have a dance party.
I keep laying them down. When I weaned my 3 year old he refused to nap for several months. I just kept laying him down and he eventually started sleeping again. He is 3.5 and still naps. He needs it too. He will ask to be taken home so he can nap. My 5 year old napped until she turned 5. She still takes a nap sometimes. Especially on days when she goes to dance. Otherwise she isn’t so nice in her class and she won’t actually dance. All of my kids have napped until at least 4.5. Once they stop napping we transition to quiet time.
@lily.hazel my babies have always been the most active when I actually stop and lay down, so I have very similar night movers! They go completely still when I workout and that’s about it Lol. Maybe avoid sugar or eat earlier in the evening? I notice stomach sounds of digestion cause more activity.
Ftm mom question: when does one look for a pediatrician for the newborn? Is that now? Or when the baby is born? I have no idea. And health insurance too?
I have always just added our babies to our insurance after they are born. Just FYI, don’t wait past the allotted time because then you may not get their stuff from before they were added covered. As for a pediatrician, you can start looking now. You may want to make an office appointment to meet the doctor.
@lmn823 you may consider asking your OB if they have recommendations. Or the hospital. Typically you want to get your baby on the pediatrician’s radar sometime before birth (like mid-third trimester) and see if whoever you choose does rounds at the hospital so they can coordinate discharge and any follow up appointments. In my experience, the pediatrician offices close to the hospital all have that access so it shouldn’t be too hard to find someone you like!
Re: Questions Mega Thread
@ohioforever19 Just had my anatomy scan last week and this baby has an EIF as well. My NIPT testing had already come back clear, and the MFM who oversaw the scan let me know that EIF is super common in Asian babies (we are Indian) so she did not recommend any further follow up or testing.
Also, if you are induced or have a c-section, you usually have a good chance of scheduling it with someone you know. I was induced w/ my daughter and my OB made sure she was on call during my induction date (dates).
list of classes and tours on their website and we signed up through there. You could always check the hospital’s website.
@novelblessings @emeraldcity603 what is fast delivery even like?! I pushed for three hours, after laboring the previous 11. Got a third degree tear as a souvenir but thankfully no other major damage or anything. My sister pushed for 4 hours and wound up with a 4th degree starburst tear, such that she had to be surgically reconstructed, since she was told her nethers looked less like human anatomy and more like a plate of spaghetti, and she can't have more bio kids because of it -- which is why I have an adopted nephew, and my OB (who is also my sister's OB, although not the moron who delivered my niece, because she clearly switched doctors after that debacle) is being reeeeeeally cautious with mine (hence the likely scheduled c-section) since we have similar builds and are both apparently prone to tearing.
maybe that’s why I’m swollen since I’m so weak down there. And same I’m much bigger than last time and baby isn’t.
slowing down but I was like yea no this baby is coming out now! My second it’s like she just shot out of there once I had the urge. I still wish I had a slower transition to avoid some of the physical trauma of last time.
This one feels like he’s tap dancing in there anytime I lie down and stretch out, and just when I start to drift off, he’ll punch me in the cervix and jolt me back awake. I’m glad baby’s healthy and active, but I know he’ll only get stronger, and I’m on night three with very minimal sleep. Help! 😩
As for the active baby. Mine is very active. He’s more wiggly than my girls were. If I’m moving he stops. It’s soothing for them to feel movement, kind of trains them for the outside from the inside. I just try to ignore him at night but it’s hard at times. He’s always have a dance party.