Holiday Support Thread 2019 — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

Holiday Support Thread 2019

The holidays can be tough for many of us, for reasons that are both TTC and non-TTC related. This is a safe place for us all to vent and support each other through the next few month of pictures, announcements, holiday cards and family gatherings. 

Married: Spring 2009
TTC #1: July 2018
*TW*
BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
First RE consult 5/2019
Hycosy: All clear!
Unexplained RPL/IF
TTGP November Signature Challenge: Dessert Fails

konohaphotographerwifedpchickensjennifer_louisemvt2003inthewoods23misshelen86ssblbluetickgaltyrion_rubyrose_0919krystrist2014meri-mackiki047NYTino24keeponknittingon
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Re: Holiday Support Thread 2019

  • @emeraldduchess thank you so much for starting this. I'm even feeling a little teary with gratitude. Plus, as always the gif selection is perfect. <3 
    me: 34 / so: 34 | ttc #1 since 9/2018

    December Signature Challenge - Extreme Holiday Decor/ Decoration Fails:


    emeraldduchesstyrion_meri-macruby0902
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  • @emeraldduchess Thanks for starting this thread. I think we could all use a little extra support during the holidays. I need to work on a shut-down stare for those intrusive questions!

    @ttcbabyodo So sorry for your loss, friend. Sending you hugs <3
    TTGP December 2019 Siggy Challenge- Holiday decor fails

    keeponknittingon
  • pocketrosepocketrose
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper
    member
    edited October 14
    @ssbl I tend to deflect and/or totally ignore the things at family dinners that are said that I don't like. May be a hair too aggressive sometimes though...

    This year DH and I are going to my neighbors for Thanksgiving. My mom is coming up for the week which should mostly be nice.

    We have my BILs wedding earlier in November which I was more looking forward to but the other day DH and I were in the car and FIL was on speaker and made a KU/TTC reference to DH and I that we were both like...uh....

    I will say, we told everyone that we wouldn't start thinking about this until DH passed the bar and he passed this Friday (little do they all know we've been TTC since May, not sure who the jokes on here...) Anyway, I did have hopes once upon a time of announcing by the wedding/before or at Tgives/etc but it looks likely that won't be the case which is kind of a bummer (acknowledging that there are those who've been trying way longer on here of course).
    meri-macbluetickgal
  • @ttcbabyodo I’m so sorry you’re here. I hope the holidays with just family goes smoothly for you guys. Especially after all of this. 

    @emeraldduchess I need to perfect a shut down one liner or shut down stare. And I’m sure I’ll be guzzling plenty of booze to ward off any suspicions if I’m not KU then, which might help keep them at bay. 

    @inthewoods23 ugh, that “what if/what might have been” game is seriously the cruelest part of this whole thing. 


    ttcbabyodoemeraldduchessjennifer_louiseziggymama06
  • @emeraldduchess Thanks for starting this thread. It's a really good idea!  <3

    @ttcbabyodo I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope both Thanksgiving and Christmas turn out to be a special time for you and your family and that the those days have the kind of tone you and your BIL's wife need at that time. 

    @tyrion_ @ssbl /anyone else dealing with this:   :|
    Isn't it wild what family members will feel comfortable saying about planning a family that isn't theirs? For me, it mostly comes from MH's side. Some of the women are not great at boundaries and subtlety.
    Some examples: 1) bringing MH's grandparents and their age/health problems into the guilt trip, 2) giving us a deadline...? (what the fork), and 3) At our last family get-together we hosted, when my MIL told me "You know, I really thought you were going to announce that you're pregnant because I was thinking about it and this month's timing would be perfect for the school year..." I actually had to LOL at that one because idk who's out here having these perfectly consistent cycles/ovulation to where they decide to conceive a child in a *particular month* and then do so, but I'd love to meet them (and promptly hate them on principle).
    To be fair, we've kept things extremely quiet; no one knows we're even trying, so I guess it doesn't even cross their minds that it's a sensitive subject. I love our family, and I know that they're just excited and all the not-so-subtle hinting comes from a good place (albeit an inconsiderate one). Still, their very natures are what deters us from wanting to share our ttc journey with them...

    Anyway, would love to give you some good advice on how to handle those awkward holiday intrusions, but I'll be right there with you. I agree with @pocketrose though: deflecting and making it clear by your facial expressions/tone that you're just not into those convos should help. Then again, I'm not the one, because I'm also really awkward about it. When MH's cousin's husband (?) (English is weird) told us that their son needed a playmate, I mentioned our dog  :#
    me: 27
    hubs: 26
    ttc #1: 4/19
    dx: PCOS
    ssblziggymama06NYTino24bluetickgal
  • @rubyrose_0919 That made me laugh. I’m sure you shocked her right into silence. 
    rubyrose_0919
  • @tyrion_&nbsp; pure siiiiilence. I expect her silence to last well through Christmas. 
    dpchickensssbl
  • @dpchickens I nipped traveling on a holiday a long time ago. Each side has a designated holiday. My family has easter, his has thanksgiving, TW child mention, since my daughter was born we rotate Christmas. End TW. One year is with just us, one year is with my family, another year with his, and then a year to travel. I refuse to not enjoy a holiday with family, because of other people’s wants and needs. 
    Married: August 2012
    TTC #1: July 2015
    BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
    TTC #2: September 2019

  • jennifer_louise  Ugh. Sorry!  That pressure to make holiday plans when it's the last thing you want to, because the plane tickets are getting more expensive, SUCKS!  Good luck with managing all of that.

    blackgirlmagic  Nice!  I need to get better at this.  I've always been the planner and organizer (Type A). So I'm usually the one scheduling and fitting everything in. And family is also very big for me, so I want to be able to see everyone.  I also feel selfish because the last several years (and probably future years) Thanksgiving is at my house, so everyone is already driving to me for that. So, not wanting to drive for Christmas makes me feel like a bad family member.  (Cept DH's family NEVER comes to our house to visit - whole nuther argument).  Last year was very difficult to just tell people "NO. We are doing our own thing at our own place. You can come here or we will see you when we see you."  But makes it more difficult to exclude ourselves this year...
    Me: 34 DH: 38
    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    Married: Nov. 7, 2015
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    Additional RPL testing March-November 2017  
    MC #5: January 22, 2019 (6 weeks)

    #BitterHagPartyOf1
  • @inthewoods23 what a crazy comparison and if I had a child in the military away from home for the holidays I would have so much offense to that. My h’s family and mine live about 1.5 hours from each other. I cannot imagine doing that drive on Christmas or thanksgiving, we would be missing a big chunk of something. Since I want to save leave and my h is still new at his job, we think we will stay home and do thanksgiving with his family local and not travel to his mom out of state. But for Christmas, my mil has told me that they are hoping to go to my happy place, the Bahamas, but we would only go if we only had to pay for our flights. 
    Married: August 2012
    TTC #1: July 2015
    BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
    TTC #2: September 2019

  • blackgirlmagic Actually, 1.5 hours is about exactly how far DH's parents and my parents are from each other (a little longer depending on traffic, construction, and weather sometimes).  So yeah, except for last year, we've not only been driving over 4 hours to get to our parents side of the state, but we've been driving 1.5-2 hours between the houses on Christmas Day. Like... EVERY YEAR.... 
    Me: 34 DH: 38
    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    Married: Nov. 7, 2015
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    Additional RPL testing March-November 2017  
    MC #5: January 22, 2019 (6 weeks)

    #BitterHagPartyOf1
  • @pocketrose I would have offered you a comment for any nosy relatives, but @rubyrose_0919 was best. I shall keep that in my pocket, if I may :smile:

    @inthewoods23 I don't know why, but it still shocks me how oblivious people can be about their hurtful comments. 

    @dpchickens That sucks. I would tend toward the selfish in that regard. If it is easier for you and your mental health then stay home. They need to understand that it isn't always about them. They can't expect you to always visit every year, with or without children. It is unreasonable.

    @tyrion_ So sorry, my dear :frowning: All the hugs and love and I hope this holiday season is a good one <3



    dpchickens
  • @dpchickens I’m sorry for your anxiety over the holidays. I do hope you’re able to find a balance with travel that makes you happy. I do think there are unfair expectations placed on those without children (I have some pent up resentment from when I worked at a hospital and worked holidays). You’re allowed to want a calm, peaceful, holiday at home.  
    Cricket_1027ssbl
  • @mvt2003 Halloween is definitely triggering for me too because it's SO focused on LOs. Fortunately we live on a street without trick or treaters, but I am not looking forward to all the photos of LOs in adorable costumes about to flood my newsfeed. 
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    Hycosy: All clear!
    Unexplained RPL/IF
    TTGP November Signature Challenge: Dessert Fails

    dpchickensmvt2003b_1029
  • ssblssbl
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    @mvt2003 I hear you--I think Halloween might be the hardest of all. Sending strength your way for that day! MH and I just moved to a new neighborhood and I'm not sure what the Halloween traffic is going to be like, but I'm seriously considering just putting a basket of candy on the steps and hiding inside under the covers rather than feel a tiny stab in my heart every time I open to the door to a little cutie in a costume (and @emeraldduchess these are the times I'm happy I deleted all my social media).

    Married: June 2017

    Me: 34 / H: 34

    TTC #1: March 2019

    meri-maccapnjackharkness
  • @emeraldduchess Oh I'm so sorry! That sounds so hard and the crying was a completely understandable response. I hope you were extra gentle with yourself yesterday and that today feels less raw.
    emeraldduchess
  • @KNB1027 thank you. Part of me feels like I should have known better than to go looking in the clothing department. I guess I didn't realize all the Christmas clothes would be out this early. 
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    Hycosy: All clear!
    Unexplained RPL/IF
    TTGP November Signature Challenge: Dessert Fails

  • @emeraldduchess I’m so sorry friend!! I’m right there with you, it’s so hard not to think about what should be! This is so incredibly unfair!! Sending you all the hugs!! 💜💜💜
    emeraldduchess
  • @bluetickgal thanks, friend. This is so unfair. I don't know how I am going to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas if this IUI is a bust. 
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    Hycosy: All clear!
    Unexplained RPL/IF
    TTGP November Signature Challenge: Dessert Fails

    bluetickgal
  • @emeraldduchess I am so hopeful that this IUI is going to work for you!! I’m here for you either way! I’m not sure how easy it’s going to be to get through the holidays myself either. *TW - with the 6 kids in our family, the most recent born in July...they are constant reminders of what we don’t have but should! -End TW* I know we can’t really skip out on festivities without hurting people, but it will be so tempting!  
    emeraldduchess
  • @bluetickgal I know, so many LOs in DH's family, too. But they all know about our losses, so I am hoping they will be sensitive. My MIL/FIL/SIL and some cousins also know we're dealing with IF, so it's good to know they'll be looking out for us. The rest of the family is probably on "bump watch" but that I can deal with. 
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    Hycosy: All clear!
    Unexplained RPL/IF
    TTGP November Signature Challenge: Dessert Fails

    bluetickgal
  • @emeraldduchess that’s good they should be sensitive since they know. I’ve been ok not sharing anything so far, but if one comment gets made, I’m afraid it might all come out and probably not in the best way!
    emeraldduchess
  • @emeraldduchess sending you all the hugs.
    emeraldduchess
  • mvt2003mvt2003
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic Name Dropper
    member
    edited October 26
    So many hugs @emeraldduchess and @b_1029 I am with you in solidarity. The only up side to knowing I have such a slim chance of conceiving without medical intervention is that I’ve stopped worrying about drinking at social events, and have a couple of glasses of wine without guilt. That’s my current Thanksgiving and Christmas plan. And also Halloween plan.

    edited because autocorrect is awful 😂
    me: 34 / so: 34 | ttc #1 since 9/2018

    December Signature Challenge - Extreme Holiday Decor/ Decoration Fails:


    b_1029emeraldduchessziggymama06capnjackharkness
  • @mvt2003 here with you, friend! 
    *tw*
    married 10.2016
    ttc #1 11.2017
    dx: unexplained
    letrozole + trigger + ti: bfn x 2
    iui #1 9.25.2019: bfn
    iui #2 10.24.2019; bfp 11.4.2019; edd 7.17.2020


    mvt2003
  • bluetickgalbluetickgal
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited October 27
    @b_1029 I’ve got everything crossed this IUI is it for you too!! I’m glad you had a better pumpkin patch experience this year! I truly hope Thanksgiving & Christmas aren’t as triggering as expected either!  

    @mvt2003 I hope you can’t enjoy that wine for much longer...and I mean that in the nicest way possible! 

    @nytino24 so sorry for the rough day, sending hugs! 💜

    *Edited to fix spacing, yet again. 
    mvt2003b_1029NYTino24
  • @emeraldduchess I’m there with you, hon. *TW* My due date for MC #1 was Nov 7. My birthday is in Nov, too, and I was so excited to share my bday month with my baby. *TW* I’m so hopeful that you’ll have a lovely holiday joy to celebrate soon. Big hug!! 
    ziggymama06
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