The holidays can be tough for many of us, for reasons that are both TTC and non-TTC related. This is a safe place for us all to vent and support each other through the next few month of pictures, announcements, holiday cards and family gatherings.
We typically host Thanksgiving at our home with our friends and my family (my mom, stepdad, brother, niece, and nephew), however, I think we're just going to host my family (no friends) this year. We've had some less-than-pleasant experiences with hosting our friends recently that have left a bad taste in our mouths about it. Plus, it's wicked expensive hosting Thanksgiving for ~30 people and we're trying to cut down on needless spending.
For Christmas, we go to my in-laws in MA every year. This year will be a challenge because two of us have suffered losses this year (myself and my BIL's wife), and my mother and father in-law have no grandchildren yet. I LOVE my in-laws, and am completely comfortable around them (thank goodness!) so it will be joyous like it is every year, but maybe a little subdued given the circumstances. Fingers-crossed that this will be their last year being grandchild-free.
@emeraldduchess thank you so much for starting this. I'm even feeling a little teary with gratitude. Plus, as always the gif selection is perfect.
me: 35 / so: 34 | ttc #1 since 9/2018
DX: MFI IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19 FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2 FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
@tyrion_ you are not an idiot for sharing what you've been through. If someone makes a rude comment about whether or not you have news to share, then shame on them. I wouldn't be surprised if DH's extended family expects an announcement, but I think after sharing what we're going through, they should know to keep their mouths shut. They will regret it if they don't. I have a perfect shut-down stare and I am prepared to use it.
@mvt2003 last holiday season was horrible for me, so I am determined to have everyone's backs this year. 💚
@emeraldduchess Thanks for starting this thread. I think we could all use a little extra support during the holidays. I need to work on a shut-down stare for those intrusive questions!
@ttcbabyodo So sorry for your loss, friend. Sending you hugs
Me: 35 DH: 35 TTC since 9/2018
Dx: MFI 10/19- First RE visit 2/20- DH had surgery for bilateral varicoceles 7/20- IUI with 5 mg letrozole- BFN 9/20- IVF. 9 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized with ICSI, 7 blasts, 4 PGT-A normal 11/20- Mock transfer/ERA 12/20- FET #1- transferred one 4AB- BFN 3/21- FET #2- transferred one 3AB- BFP! Due Dec 2021 12/21- Baby girl born!
@tyrion_ I'm thankful I've never said anything beyond "we're working on it" and haven't had anyone in my family really ask. I did get a "I thought you'd be first" from my dad when my sister announced to us all. We got married a year before them but didn't try during the first year. I don't think I could handle if everyone really newy business.
I did have to deal with 3 pregnant people at Thanksgiving last year and that was alright since everybody was no further than 5 months along so nobody was big. Idk who's coming this year but I'm definitely going to avoid the babies.
It hurts a lot more knowing I would have been right at the 12-13 week mark had our FET worked and we would have announced to my whole family then. Sigh.
*TW* History:
Me: 34 DH: 36 | Together since 2007 | Married July 2016
TTC #1 since 7.2017 Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3| all BFN IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name" RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer 2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20 Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21 Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023 Consultation with RI | 6.6.23 Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56 Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox Repeat labs in 8 weeks Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues TTC put on pause indefinitely
I wish the “love it” button was just “love,” because that’s what I mean to send your way when I click it.
Speaking of which, I would love advice on how to handle well-meaning and gentle but still frustrating and hurtful comments from family. Our immediate families are the only ones who know we’re TTC, but they still make comments like “oh, I can’t wait until...” Yes. I know. Me neither. Shut up please. But I don’t know how to get them to stop without hurting their feelings or being rude.
@ssbl I tend to deflect and/or totally ignore the things at family dinners that are said that I don't like. May be a hair too aggressive sometimes though...
This year DH and I are going to my neighbors for Thanksgiving. My mom is coming up for the week which should mostly be nice.
We have my BILs wedding earlier in November which I was more looking forward to but the other day DH and I were in the car and FIL was on speaker and made a KU/TTC reference to DH and I that we were both like...uh....
I will say, we told everyone that we wouldn't start thinking about this until DH passed the bar and he passed this Friday (little do they all know we've been TTC since May, not sure who the jokes on here...) Anyway, I did have hopes once upon a time of announcing by the wedding/before or at Tgives/etc but it looks likely that won't be the case which is kind of a bummer (acknowledging that there are those who've been trying way longer on here of course).
@ttcbabyodo I’m so sorry you’re here. I hope the holidays with just family goes smoothly for you guys. Especially after all of this.
@emeraldduchess I need to perfect a shut down one liner or shut down stare. And I’m sure I’ll be guzzling plenty of booze to ward off any suspicions if I’m not KU then, which might help keep them at bay.
@inthewoods23 ugh, that “what if/what might have been” game is seriously the cruelest part of this whole thing.
We just wrapped up Thanksgiving wknd here in Canada so this is good timing!
I turned on my heel and snapped back at an elderly aunt who made a comment about "trying" that if she continued to show so much interest in our sex life, maybe she'd be interested in a home video for Christmas! 🤣🤣🤣
@emeraldduchess Thanks for starting this thread. It's a really good idea!
@ttcbabyodo I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope both Thanksgiving and Christmas turn out to be a special time for you and your family and that the those days have the kind of tone you and your BIL's wife need at that time.
@tyrion_@ssbl /anyone else dealing with this: Isn't it wild what family members will feel comfortable saying about planning a family that isn't theirs? For me, it mostly comes from MH's side. Some of the women are not great at boundaries and subtlety. Some examples: 1) bringing MH's grandparents and their age/health problems into the guilt trip, 2) giving us a deadline...? (what the fork), and 3) At our last family get-together we hosted, when my MIL told me "You know, I really thought you were going to announce that you're pregnant because I was thinking about it and this month's timing would be perfect for the school year..." I actually had to LOL at that one because idk who's out here having these perfectly consistent cycles/ovulation to where they decide to conceive a child in a *particular month* and then do so, but I'd love to meet them (and promptly hate them on principle). To be fair, we've kept things extremely quiet; no one knows we're even trying, so I guess it doesn't even cross their minds that it's a sensitive subject. I love our family, and I know that they're just excited and all the not-so-subtle hinting comes from a good place (albeit an inconsiderate one). Still, their very natures are what deters us from wanting to share our ttc journey with them...
Anyway, would love to give you some good advice on how to handle those awkward holiday intrusions, but I'll be right there with you. I agree with @pocketrose though: deflecting and making it clear by your facial expressions/tone that you're just not into those convos should help. Then again, I'm not the one, because I'm also really awkward about it. When MH's cousin's husband (?) (English is weird) told us that their son needed a playmate, I mentioned our dog
ssbl Honestly, if you can't get them to stop with the 'comments/suggestions/etc' after simple statements like "We're working on it" or "It will be when/if it will be." Then there is NO way to really be gentle about it. People are severely obtuse, and if it's upsetting you, it's only going to get worse and you should shut it down. I LOVE rubyrose_0919 suggestion to send them a video! Or ask them if they'd like to be involved in the attemptive making of said baby.
As for me, Thanksgiving will be at our house as per usual, so I'm hoping that goes well as per norm. However, Christmas/New Years is already giving me anxiety. Last year DH and I 'skipped' Christmas and basically stayed home and did our own thing. It was AMAZING! However, BOTH of our families were upset by the decision to not see them (even though we invited both sides to our house for Christmas), and I don't think we'll be able to do the same thing again this year. SO, it's back to driving all over the d*mned state again, and because Christmas is on a Wednesday and with DH's work schedule it probably means driving on both Christmas eve AND Christmas day, which I loathe. Several years ago I was fondly looking forward to having a baby in the upcoming years and then declaring that we were NOT traveling with an infant/small child and that everyone would either have to come to US (with the baby) or not see us (and baby) for holidays. And instead, now I'm living this miserable childless not by choice life where apparently I'll be driving all over the d*mned place for holidays FOREVER until our families die (which really isn't like an 'upside' to fix my holiday anxiety). *sigh* So, I'm already having stress issues from this.
@ttcbabyodo I 100% hate seeing you back here. Your holiday plans sound nice, and your family sounds so supportive.
@tyrion_ you are not stupid for sharing anything! It's definitely going to be hard to face family this year, we're all with you!
@ssbl that's definitely one of the hardest aspects of this! I don't have great advice on this because I'm totally non-confrontational. Thankfully I haven't gotten too many comments from my family - I feel like my mom must know we're trying, but she keeps it to herself. I'm afraid I will just burst into tears if anybody actually does say something! That will make for a nice Thanksgiving....
@pocketrose it's always a bummer when things don't go the way you hoped/planned. Not sure how prying your family is, but maybe you bought yourself some time for them to not be awkward about it...
@rubyrose_0919 love it!! Amazing of you to come up with that on the spot.
@dpchickens I'm sorry the holidays is giving you stress and anxiety. It's not fair you havr to travel all around like that. None of it is fair. Sending hugs ❤️
AFM- I know we have to travel for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and I don't want to at all. No plane tickets yet, and I know they're getting more expensive by the day. **TW** my SIL is having a baby at Thanksgiving so there will be a Newborn and my heart already hurts just thinking about it. So, that's going on too. **TW end**
@dpchickens I nipped traveling on a holiday a long time ago. Each side has a designated holiday. My family has easter, his has thanksgiving, TW child mention, since my daughter was born we rotate Christmas. End TW. One year is with just us, one year is with my family, another year with his, and then a year to travel. I refuse to not enjoy a holiday with family, because of other people’s wants and needs.
Married: August 2012
TTC #1: July 2015
BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
jennifer_louise Ugh. Sorry! That pressure to make holiday plans when it's the last thing you want to, because the plane tickets are getting more expensive, SUCKS! Good luck with managing all of that.
blackgirlmagic Nice! I need to get better at this. I've always been the planner and organizer (Type A). So I'm usually the one scheduling and fitting everything in. And family is also very big for me, so I want to be able to see everyone. I also feel selfish because the last several years (and probably future years) Thanksgiving is at my house, so everyone is already driving to me for that. So, not wanting to drive for Christmas makes me feel like a bad family member. (Cept DH's family NEVER comes to our house to visit - whole nuther argument). Last year was very difficult to just tell people "NO. We are doing our own thing at our own place. You can come here or we will see you when we see you." But makes it more difficult to exclude ourselves this year...
@blackgirlmagic your story reminds me of the first Christmas after DH and I got married. We had been dating for around 9 years by the time we finally got married and besides 1 time, DH never traveled with me to my extended family for Thanksgiving. Christmas he would join me for gift opening with my immediate family but never spent it with my extended family. His extended family is local so over the years I have had Christmas with his extended family.
Anyway, I asked DH to come spend Christmas with my extended family now that we were married. We travel out of state and stay a few days as my mom's side was celebrated on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my dad's side.
Christmas day is when his immediate family always opens gifts. So the first year he wasn't there I see this Facebook status from his mom. I don't remember exactly what it said but it was along the lines of her being sad her one and only son isn't there and how she understands what parents with kids in the military feel like.
I was shocked she made that comparison!! Who compares their kid not being available on Christmas to having to deal with their child off risking their life deployed or unable to leave their military base? It was the first year he didn't spend Christmas day with his mom 😒
*TW* History:
Me: 34 DH: 36 | Together since 2007 | Married July 2016
TTC #1 since 7.2017 Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3| all BFN IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name" RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer 2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20 Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21 Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023 Consultation with RI | 6.6.23 Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56 Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox Repeat labs in 8 weeks Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues TTC put on pause indefinitely
@inthewoods23 what a crazy comparison and if I had a child in the military away from home for the holidays I would have so much offense to that. My h’s family and mine live about 1.5 hours from each other. I cannot imagine doing that drive on Christmas or thanksgiving, we would be missing a big chunk of something. Since I want to save leave and my h is still new at his job, we think we will stay home and do thanksgiving with his family local and not travel to his mom out of state. But for Christmas, my mil has told me that they are hoping to go to my happy place, the Bahamas, but we would only go if we only had to pay for our flights.
Married: August 2012
TTC #1: July 2015
BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
blackgirlmagic Actually, 1.5 hours is about exactly how far DH's parents and my parents are from each other (a little longer depending on traffic, construction, and weather sometimes). So yeah, except for last year, we've not only been driving over 4 hours to get to our parents side of the state, but we've been driving 1.5-2 hours between the houses on Christmas Day. Like... EVERY YEAR....
@pocketrose I would have offered you a comment for any nosy relatives, but @rubyrose_0919 was best. I shall keep that in my pocket, if I may
@inthewoods23 I don't know why, but it still shocks me how oblivious people can be about their hurtful comments.
@dpchickens That sucks. I would tend toward the selfish in that regard. If it is easier for you and your mental health then stay home. They need to understand that it isn't always about them. They can't expect you to always visit every year, with or without children. It is unreasonable.
@tyrion_ So sorry, my dear All the hugs and love and I hope this holiday season is a good one
@dpchickens I’m sorry for your anxiety over the holidays. I do hope you’re able to find a balance with travel that makes you happy. I do think there are unfair expectations placed on those without children (I have some pent up resentment from when I worked at a hospital and worked holidays). You’re allowed to want a calm, peaceful, holiday at home.
I'm taking a work mental health break to be on TB, and wanted to join in over here.
The first holiday I'm worried about for myself is actually Halloween. That triggers me a lot! We live in a great neighborhood with a large trick or treating population, and every year a group of family members and their LOs come to our house as a central location to trick or treat. I remember the last 2 Halloweens I literally sat there and told myself that next year I'd have a LO. And here I am, no LO to be had. And every year is a reminder that any LO I have will be years behind it's cousins, when all I have ever wanted was for my LOs to be close with their cousins.
me: 35 / so: 34 | ttc #1 since 9/2018
DX: MFI IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19 FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2 FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
@mvt2003 Halloween is definitely triggering for me too because it's SO focused on LOs. Fortunately we live on a street without trick or treaters, but I am not looking forward to all the photos of LOs in adorable costumes about to flood my newsfeed.
@mvt2003 I hear you--I think Halloween might be the hardest of all. Sending strength your way for that day! MH and I just moved to a new neighborhood and I'm not sure what the Halloween traffic is going to be like, but I'm seriously considering just putting a basket of candy on the steps and hiding inside under the covers rather than feel a tiny stab in my heart every time I open to the door to a little cutie in a costume (and @emeraldduchess these are the times I'm happy I deleted all my social media).
I had a gut punch moment I was NOT prepared for yesterday. *TW loss/LC mentioned.* I went into a store looking for some new Christmas decor because I am thinking maybe having some new things will make me more excited to decorate. Anyway, I also went over to the kid's clothing section to look for something for my nephew. I saw the rack of "My First Christmas" outfits and started crying. I am supposed to have a 4 month old this Christmas. I should be buying ALL the cute holiday clothes. But I'm not, and it just hurts my heart. 😞
@emeraldduchess Oh I'm so sorry! That sounds so hard and the crying was a completely understandable response. I hope you were extra gentle with yourself yesterday and that today feels less raw.
Me: 34 DH: 43 Our Journey for #1
2014 -- Started TTC casually 2017 -- Discovered MFI but didn't move forward with treatment due to expense and grad school Spring 2019 -- Started with RE and confirmed MFI Fall 2019 -- 3 cycles of Clomid and TI, 3 BFNs, discovered hostile cervical mucus was also contributing Spring/Summer 2020 -- 3 cycle of IUI, 3 BFNs Nov 2020 - First IVF with 3 little frosties, had to change to freeze all due to OHSS Feb 16, 2021 - FET #1 - BFP! Beta #1 100 Beta # 2 541 EDD 11/4/2021
@KNB1027 thank you. Part of me feels like I should have known better than to go looking in the clothing department. I guess I didn't realize all the Christmas clothes would be out this early.
@emeraldduchess I’m so sorry friend!! I’m right there with you, it’s so hard not to think about what should be! This is so incredibly unfair!! Sending you all the hugs!! 💜💜💜
@emeraldduchess I am so hopeful that this IUI is going to work for you!! I’m here for you either way! I’m not sure how easy it’s going to be to get through the holidays myself either. *TW - with the 6 kids in our family, the most recent born in July...they are constant reminders of what we don’t have but should! -End TW* I know we can’t really skip out on festivities without hurting people, but it will be so tempting!
@bluetickgal I know, so many LOs in DH's family, too. But they all know about our losses, so I am hoping they will be sensitive. My MIL/FIL/SIL and some cousins also know we're dealing with IF, so it's good to know they'll be looking out for us. The rest of the family is probably on "bump watch" but that I can deal with.
@emeraldduchess that’s good they should be sensitive since they know. I’ve been ok not sharing anything so far, but if one comment gets made, I’m afraid it might all come out and probably not in the best way!
I also don't know how I’m going to get through the holidays if the IUI is a bust. It was rough enough last year when we had just hit the year mark. I couldn’t even look at my cousin or DH’s cousin’s babies, it was too hard. Now that we’re going through treatment I expect it to hit me even harder this year, especially if anyone in the family *side eyeing said cousins* announces #2 (ETA or if either of my cousins who’ve gotten married in the last 1.5 years announce). The closer November gets, the bigger the 2 year mark looms, and I’m just not ready for it.
I didn’t even think about all the costumes for Halloween so I will probably just steer clear of social media after my obligatory anniversary post on the 29th. At least I didn’t cry at the pumpkin patch last weekend like I did last year, watching all the kids and young families running around. First Halloween posts may be a different story. This is just so unfair and I hate it for my fellow IFers + the loss mamas on here. ❤️
So many hugs @emeraldduchess and @b_1029 I am with you in solidarity. The only up side to knowing I have such a slim chance of conceiving without medical intervention is that I’ve stopped worrying about drinking at social events, and have a couple of glasses of wine without guilt. That’s my current Thanksgiving and Christmas plan. And also Halloween plan.
edited because autocorrect is awful 😂
me: 35 / so: 34 | ttc #1 since 9/2018
DX: MFI IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19 FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2 FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
I just couldn’t go out today. I couldn’t handle seeing people. Then I mustered up courage and ran out to Walmart. The cashier asked questions and I told her I had *TW*3 losses. She said she had 2. */TW You’d think she’d know better than to say something, but I think we also oddly connected for those 15 seconds.
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
@b_1029 I’ve got everything crossed this IUI is it for you too!! I’m glad you had a better pumpkin patch experience this year! I truly hope Thanksgiving & Christmas aren’t as triggering as expected either!
@mvt2003 I hope you can’t enjoy that wine for much longer...and I mean that in the nicest way possible!
@nytino24 so sorry for the rough day, sending hugs! 💜
@emeraldduchess I’m there with you, hon. *TW* My due date for MC #1 was Nov 7. My birthday is in Nov, too, and I was so excited to share my bday month with my baby. *TW* I’m so hopeful that you’ll have a lovely holiday joy to celebrate soon. Big hug!!
Re: Holiday Support Thread 2019
For Christmas, we go to my in-laws in MA every year. This year will be a challenge because two of us have suffered losses this year (myself and my BIL's wife), and my mother and father in-law have no grandchildren yet. I LOVE my in-laws, and am completely comfortable around them (thank goodness!) so it will be joyous like it is every year, but maybe a little subdued given the circumstances. Fingers-crossed that this will be their last year being grandchild-free.
Due with baby #2: Feb 2022
IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP
FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19
FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2
FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
June Signature Challenge - Favorite TV Quotes
@mvt2003 last holiday season was horrible for me, so I am determined to have everyone's backs this year. 💚
@ttcbabyodo So sorry for your loss, friend. Sending you hugs
TTC since 9/2018
10/19- First RE visit
2/20- DH had surgery for bilateral varicoceles
7/20- IUI with 5 mg letrozole- BFN
9/20- IVF. 9 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized with ICSI, 7 blasts, 4 PGT-A normal
11/20- Mock transfer/ERA
12/20- FET #1- transferred one 4AB- BFN
3/21- FET #2- transferred one 3AB- BFP! Due Dec 2021
12/21- Baby girl born!
I did have to deal with 3 pregnant people at Thanksgiving last year and that was alright since everybody was no further than 5 months along so nobody was big. Idk who's coming this year but I'm definitely going to avoid the babies.
It hurts a lot more knowing I would have been right at the 12-13 week mark had our FET worked and we would have announced to my whole family then. Sigh.
TTC #1 since 7.2017
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC put on pause indefinitely
Speaking of which, I would love advice on how to handle well-meaning and gentle but still frustrating and hurtful comments from family. Our immediate families are the only ones who know we’re TTC, but they still make comments like “oh, I can’t wait until...” Yes. I know. Me neither. Shut up please. But I don’t know how to get them to stop without hurting their feelings or being rude.
This year DH and I are going to my neighbors for Thanksgiving. My mom is coming up for the week which should mostly be nice.
We have my BILs wedding earlier in November which I was more looking forward to but the other day DH and I were in the car and FIL was on speaker and made a KU/TTC reference to DH and I that we were both like...uh....
I will say, we told everyone that we wouldn't start thinking about this until DH passed the bar and he passed this Friday (little do they all know we've been TTC since May, not sure who the jokes on here...) Anyway, I did have hopes once upon a time of announcing by the wedding/before or at Tgives/etc but it looks likely that won't be the case which is kind of a bummer (acknowledging that there are those who've been trying way longer on here of course).
We just wrapped up Thanksgiving wknd here in Canada so this is good timing!
I turned on my heel and snapped back at an elderly aunt who made a comment about "trying" that if she continued to show so much interest in our sex life, maybe she'd be interested in a home video for Christmas! 🤣🤣🤣
Worked like a charm!
@ttcbabyodo I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope both Thanksgiving and Christmas turn out to be a special time for you and your family and that the those days have the kind of tone you and your BIL's wife need at that time.
@tyrion_ @ssbl /anyone else dealing with this:
Isn't it wild what family members will feel comfortable saying about planning a family that isn't theirs? For me, it mostly comes from MH's side. Some of the women are not great at boundaries and subtlety.
Some examples: 1) bringing MH's grandparents and their age/health problems into the guilt trip, 2) giving us a deadline...? (what the fork), and 3) At our last family get-together we hosted, when my MIL told me "You know, I really thought you were going to announce that you're pregnant because I was thinking about it and this month's timing would be perfect for the school year..." I actually had to LOL at that one because idk who's out here having these perfectly consistent cycles/ovulation to where they decide to conceive a child in a *particular month* and then do so, but I'd love to meet them (and promptly hate them on principle).
To be fair, we've kept things extremely quiet; no one knows we're even trying, so I guess it doesn't even cross their minds that it's a sensitive subject. I love our family, and I know that they're just excited and all the not-so-subtle hinting comes from a good place (albeit an inconsiderate one). Still, their very natures are what deters us from wanting to share our ttc journey with them...
Anyway, would love to give you some good advice on how to handle those awkward holiday intrusions, but I'll be right there with you. I agree with @pocketrose though: deflecting and making it clear by your facial expressions/tone that you're just not into those convos should help. Then again, I'm not the one, because I'm also really awkward about it. When MH's cousin's husband (?) (English is weird) told us that their son needed a playmate, I mentioned our dog
hubs: 26
ttc #1: 4/19
dx: PCOS
As for me, Thanksgiving will be at our house as per usual, so I'm hoping that goes well as per norm. However, Christmas/New Years is already giving me anxiety. Last year DH and I 'skipped' Christmas and basically stayed home and did our own thing. It was AMAZING! However, BOTH of our families were upset by the decision to not see them (even though we invited both sides to our house for Christmas), and I don't think we'll be able to do the same thing again this year. SO, it's back to driving all over the d*mned state again, and because Christmas is on a Wednesday and with DH's work schedule it probably means driving on both Christmas eve AND Christmas day, which I loathe. Several years ago I was fondly looking forward to having a baby in the upcoming years and then declaring that we were NOT traveling with an infant/small child and that everyone would either have to come to US (with the baby) or not see us (and baby) for holidays. And instead, now I'm living this miserable childless not by choice life where apparently I'll be driving all over the d*mned place for holidays FOREVER until our families die (which really isn't like an 'upside' to fix my holiday anxiety). *sigh* So, I'm already having stress issues from this.
@tyrion_ you are not stupid for sharing anything! It's definitely going to be hard to face family this year, we're all with you!
@ssbl that's definitely one of the hardest aspects of this! I don't have great advice on this because I'm totally non-confrontational. Thankfully I haven't gotten too many comments from my family - I feel like my mom must know we're trying, but she keeps it to herself. I'm afraid I will just burst into tears if anybody actually does say something! That will make for a nice Thanksgiving....
@pocketrose it's always a bummer when things don't go the way you hoped/planned. Not sure how prying your family is, but maybe you bought yourself some time for them to not be awkward about it...
@rubyrose_0919 love it!! Amazing of you to come up with that on the spot.
@dpchickens I'm sorry the holidays is giving you stress and anxiety. It's not fair you havr to travel all around like that. None of it is fair. Sending hugs ❤️
AFM- I know we have to travel for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and I don't want to at all. No plane tickets yet, and I know they're getting more expensive by the day. **TW** my SIL is having a baby at Thanksgiving so there will be a Newborn and my heart already hurts just thinking about it. So, that's going on too. **TW end**
At least we all have each other!
blackgirlmagic Nice! I need to get better at this. I've always been the planner and organizer (Type A). So I'm usually the one scheduling and fitting everything in. And family is also very big for me, so I want to be able to see everyone. I also feel selfish because the last several years (and probably future years) Thanksgiving is at my house, so everyone is already driving to me for that. So, not wanting to drive for Christmas makes me feel like a bad family member. (Cept DH's family NEVER comes to our house to visit - whole nuther argument). Last year was very difficult to just tell people "NO. We are doing our own thing at our own place. You can come here or we will see you when we see you." But makes it more difficult to exclude ourselves this year...
Anyway, I asked DH to come spend Christmas with my extended family now that we were married. We travel out of state and stay a few days as my mom's side was celebrated on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my dad's side.
Christmas day is when his immediate family always opens gifts. So the first year he wasn't there I see this Facebook status from his mom. I don't remember exactly what it said but it was along the lines of her being sad her one and only son isn't there and how she understands what parents with kids in the military feel like.
I was shocked she made that comparison!! Who compares their kid not being available on Christmas to having to deal with their child off risking their life deployed or unable to leave their military base? It was the first year he didn't spend Christmas day with his mom 😒
TTC #1 since 7.2017
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC put on pause indefinitely
@inthewoods23 I don't know why, but it still shocks me how oblivious people can be about their hurtful comments.
@dpchickens That sucks. I would tend toward the selfish in that regard. If it is easier for you and your mental health then stay home. They need to understand that it isn't always about them. They can't expect you to always visit every year, with or without children. It is unreasonable.
@tyrion_ So sorry, my dear All the hugs and love and I hope this holiday season is a good one
The first holiday I'm worried about for myself is actually Halloween. That triggers me a lot! We live in a great neighborhood with a large trick or treating population, and every year a group of family members and their LOs come to our house as a central location to trick or treat. I remember the last 2 Halloweens I literally sat there and told myself that next year I'd have a LO. And here I am, no LO to be had. And every year is a reminder that any LO I have will be years behind it's cousins, when all I have ever wanted was for my LOs to be close with their cousins.
IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP
FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19
FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2
FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
June Signature Challenge - Favorite TV Quotes
I went into a store looking for some new Christmas decor because I am thinking maybe having some new things will make me more excited to decorate. Anyway, I also went over to the kid's clothing section to look for something for my nephew. I saw the rack of "My First Christmas" outfits and started crying. I am supposed to have a 4 month old this Christmas. I should be buying ALL the cute holiday clothes. But I'm not, and it just hurts my heart. 😞
Our Journey for #1
2017 -- Discovered MFI but didn't move forward with treatment due to expense and grad school
Spring 2019 -- Started with RE and confirmed MFI
Fall 2019 -- 3 cycles of Clomid and TI, 3 BFNs, discovered hostile cervical mucus was also contributing
Spring/Summer 2020 -- 3 cycle of IUI, 3 BFNs
Nov 2020 - First IVF with 3 little frosties, had to change to freeze all due to OHSS
Feb 16, 2021 - FET #1 - BFP! Beta #1 100 Beta # 2 541 EDD 11/4/2021
*TW LC mentioned*
I also don't know how I’m going to get through the holidays if the IUI is a bust. It was rough enough last year when we had just hit the year mark. I couldn’t even look at my cousin or DH’s cousin’s babies, it was too hard. Now that we’re going through treatment I expect it to hit me even harder this year, especially if anyone in the family *side eyeing said cousins* announces #2 (ETA or if either of my cousins who’ve gotten married in the last 1.5 years announce). The closer November gets, the bigger the 2 year mark looms, and I’m just not ready for it.
I didn’t even think about all the costumes for Halloween so I will probably just steer clear of social media after my obligatory anniversary post on the 29th. At least I didn’t cry at the pumpkin patch last weekend like I did last year, watching all the kids and young families running around. First Halloween posts may be a different story. This is just so unfair and I hate it for my fellow IFers + the loss mamas on here. ❤️
edited because autocorrect is awful 😂
IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP
FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19
FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2
FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
June Signature Challenge - Favorite TV Quotes
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
*Edited to fix spacing, yet again.