@nomangos23 I did my city and "moms" with some additional variations because Facebook seems weird with the search function a lot. Also my city "childcare" is another good one!
@nomangos23 you can try town or county, or area. There are a few by me, the one I find most helpful was actually affiliated with my hospital, and the other one is by county. Try searching something like "Union County Moms Group" or if your area is known by something? My area is the "jersey shore" so there are a few different options for "Jersey shore" moms groups.
I have a bit of rant that could possibly also be a question, so I think it goes here. I'm putting it in a spoiler since it might be lengthy. It's also about religion, specifically Catholicism, which could be a touchy subject for some.
I was raised Catholic. I went to a Catholic grade school and high school, church every Sunday, confirmation, all of that. Being Italian, my dad is very religious but more in a spiritual way than a pushy way. Both he and my mom go to church and are pretty involved in the community. I haven't been to church (barring Christmas and Easter when we're with my family) since I graduated college. I guess I'd describe myself as agnostic if pushed to identify as anything. DH's mom is Catholic and he and his brother both went to Catholic grade school and were confirmed. They didn't have to go to church much after that because DH's father is a staunch atheist and my MIL never really forced the issue. DH himself is pretty anti organized religion, which I can understand given the cruel and unjust things that are often done in the name of a god or gods. I personally don't practice religion, but I have nothing against the majority of those who do.
The conundrum is that it would break my father's heart if we don't baptize our child, but my husband is pretty against raising her as a Catholic. On the one hand, he agrees that there's no harm in having her baptized and even going through communion and confirmation. On the other, he's only on board with all of that if it's just a "cultural" thing. What has me conflicted is that if she goes through all of that, she'll have to go to Sunday school (we're planning on keeping her in the public school system). If she's going to Sunday school, I feel like it would be hypocritical of my husband and I to not go to church. I think it would set a really bad example/create a lack of trust if we make our child learn to be Catholic but don't practice ourselves. This whole thing has me stressed and frustrated. I love my dad and I really don't think denouncing his faith is an option that I could seriously consider. However, I also don't want DH to be uncomfortable and bitter either. Ughhhhh! Is there anyone else who came from a religious family but isn't very religious personally? What did you/do you plan to do when it comes to your kid(s)?
@themadcamel I'll put my response in a spoiler just in case.
I have a somewhat struggle, although not quite the same. I was raised without religion. My parents would make me go to a mormon church once in a while with my grandpa, but otherwise I grew up knowing basically nothing. DH grew up going to a mormon church, but left after high school. My dilemma is that now my parents have found religion and are very devout. It has created a lot of tension in our family. Neither DH or I want to baptize or bless our baby, but I am honestly worried I will get disowned if we don't. I know that sounds crazy but my parents said (I don't know if they actually did) they took my older sis out of their will because she is atheist. I am so torn. I don't want to create world war three with my parents, but I also don't see the point in baptizing her since we will never actually take her to church. I know the answer seems simple, but I am terrified of the repercussions that will come from my parents. It is giving me so so much anxiety. So I don't have an answer for you, but just know that these decisions are hard and I imagine many of us are going through similar situations. Hopefully someone else will have better advice.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with having a baptism / communion / confirmation and not being a devout member of the church. Yes, you’ll probably have to send him/her to Sunday school (or the equivalent) but I think I learned a lot about more about morals there (vs. regular school) and it’s helped to shape me as the person I am today. I was raised Catholic, but probably identify more as a Christian now...but haven’t been to church in years.
If you and YH aren’t 100% against it, I say there’s no harm in just doing the bare minimum to appease your parents. But again, that’s only if you guys aren’t against doing it - just kind meh about it.
I have actually been thinking of sending both DS and new baby (once new baby is 2) to a Christian based daycare affiliated with one of the churches here. I want to give our kids some sense of right / wrong and I like the basic aspect of the Sunday school message which they incorporate into their curriculum. DH isn’t completely against it, but doesn’t want to spend every Sunday morning at church and thinks if we send them we’ll have to become members and go every Sunday.
I don't think you need to feel that you're being hypocritical by not going to church even if you send your child to Sunday school. There are plenty of people who do that! My own experience: my dad was raised Catholic and they went to church somewhat often growing up, maybe once a month. In his adult life he's pretty spiritual in his own way but hasn't been to church in years. His sister on the other hand never misses a Sunday mass. My mom was raised as a general Christian - she knew about God and celebrated Christmas, etc., but never ever went to church. She ended up converting to Catholicism when I was young and actually taught the preschool Sunday school class at our church for nearly 10 years, but I can probably count on one hand the number of times she's actually gone to a mass! Through all of this I was baptized/ first communion/ confirmed, and I went to Sunday school regularly (while attending public school). To me, I didn't know anything different and that was just the way it was.
All of that is my long way of saying that while it can be a tough decision, know that there isn't a right or a wrong answer.
I agree with you that going to a Catholic school, or Sunday school in your case, helped shape me as a good person. I think even DH can see the benefits of learning good morals/values from religion. My only worry with doing the bare minimum would be getting questions from DD about why we don't go to church as a family when she has to go to Sunday school. I had to go up until 4th grade when I was still at a secular school and vaguely remember learning that we're supposed to go to church on a weekly basis. I don't want DD to think I'm forcing her into something that I don't believe in or practice. Man, I wish this stuff could be easy! Maybe it's a FTM thing, but I'm constantly thinking of all the ways I might end up fucking up this kid haha.
Thanks for responding. It's really nice to know that I'm not alone in these difficult decisions, even if we don't have the answers yet. I completely get being torn between not wanting to create rifts with your family and doing what you think is right for your kid. I'm sorry to hear that your parents are putting you in such a difficult position. Hope you can find the right way forward from there.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It's really good to hear that you didn't think it was weird/wrong that you didn't go to mass but still went to Sunday school. It's so easy for me to get into these crazy "what if" spirals in my head. Like, I'm constantly afraid that I'll do something to scar DD for life. I know it's crazy though
@themadcamel that does sound like a hard decision. A few (probably not helpful, sorry!) thoughts in the spoiler.
I think there is nothing wrong with sending your child to Sunday school while not being actively religious yourself - I've known several people who do this. There is a bit of incongruity there, though, as you point out, and if your child begins to question it I would be inclined to have an honest conversation about why you chose what you did for them and allow them to make a choice about continuing or not. It's also a possibility that they would eventually wish to attend church as a family (rather than drop out of religious instruction), and I think it's worth considering how you and your spouse would respond to that. I really feel that if you are honest with your child you will not mess (edited for language!) them up, no matter the choice you make here. And to give some context on me so you can weigh this perspective - I was raised not religious (this is how I would phrase it) because my dad was brought up devout and had some strong negative associations with organized religion and disillusionment with how the values the church he'd attended tried to instill were at variance (as he saw it) with some of the core tenets religions are about (goodness, kindness, generosity). My mother was brought up by lapsed Catholics - her father lost his religion in WWII and was an atheist, her mother was spiritual but not actively religious. I would describe my parents more as agnostic than atheist, and myself the same way. I don't feel I was at a handicap in learning morals and values and the consequences of my behavior when compared to peers who were brought up with religion in their lives - but I do think it perhaps took more personal effort on my parents' part to instill good values in me. I don't have any experience of navigating parental relationships with this issue, though, and wish you all the best in a really difficult situation.
Both MH and I grew up Lutheran. We both had similar experiences. We were baptized, did communion, and were confirmed. After we were confirmed our parents left it up to us if we wanted to keep going or not. Neither of us did. I didn't have Sunday school, instead it was on Wednesdays. So it wasn't that weird for us to skip going to church on Sundays. The times we did go, only my mom would come with, and then we would always treat ourselves afterwards (usually with breakfast). Our church was pretty laid back, and didn't expect you to come every Sunday. Just because you don't go to church, doesn't mean you don't believe. We've also been considering sending our kids to a church affiliated daycare like @lillywonderland mentioned. I liked going to church. MH and I both agree that it taught us really good morals and how to treat people right. We both want our children to have the same experience we had.
*TW* TTC history
Me:32 DH:31 Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017 Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal DX: Unexplained 8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN 9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN 11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN 12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst 1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019 10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
@RedBreast35 I have an older Pilot and LOVE it. It has an extra wide middle seat so 3 across is fairly easy. Apparently the ones made from 2009 on have narrower seats that won't accommodate a seat in the middle.
Super random. I had a dream last night that I was talking to
my grandma. I don’t know what we were talking about but she used the term “guacamole
bone marrow.” I asked her what it meant (you know how old people use out of
date sayings). She explained that it meant people from the Midwest who… … I can
NOT remember the rest! All night when I would roll over I’d wake up thinking “guacamole
bone marrow!” I’m so frustrated that I have no idea what it means and that it
keeps popping up in my head! Lol guacamole bone marrow, wtf.
*TW* TTC history
Me:32 DH:31 Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017 Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal DX: Unexplained 8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN 9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN 11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN 12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst 1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019 10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
@LJMoon6, lol that may win most random thing ever!! I'm impressed that you remember that much of your dream, though- I never do!
Also, am I the only one who gets irrationally angry at people at work who leave VMs that just say "Call me back, ok?" Like, I want some context here- what am I walking into? And why does it need to be a phone call when there is a perfectly good email program in this office? (doesn't help that I basically hate this person...)
@RedBreast35 Lol, when I do dream I usually remember a ton of details (more than this dream) and MH thinks it weird too. Funny story about my work VM. I didn't realize for the first year and a half that I had messages on my phone. I thought the light in the top right corner would blink if I had any so I never checked. Nope. Luckily I only had 5 or so and most of them were of the type of "call me back." I wouldn't of called them back even if I had known they had left me a message lol. Silly people, don't you realize that I'm a millennial and afraid of the phone. Just email me!!! (i'm not really afraid of the phone but I think it's funny that some/most(?) millennials are)
*TW* TTC history
Me:32 DH:31 Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017 Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal DX: Unexplained 8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN 9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN 11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN 12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst 1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019 10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
@LJMoon6 Guilty of being afraid of the phone. I won't answer almost ever - even if it's someone I know - and despise calling to order food etc. Thank heavens for Door Dash.
Does anyone else lather themselves in tons of stretch mark cream with hopes that it actually works? 😂 Used it every day after I got a positive with my DS and ended up with no stretch marks. Fingers crossed this time around haha (I know I know.. if you’re going to get them creams don’t prevent them but here’s to wishful thinking! 🤷🏻♀️)
@septoctkids yep! Every night. I used it with DS and avoided them on my stomach so I figured why not try again and hope for the best? My mom and grandma have really bad stretch marks so maybe this gene came from my dad’s side. As an apology for giving me legs that look like tree trunks.
*TW*
Me: 32 │ DH: 35 Married 8/16/13 BFP#1 DS 11/13/16 BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18 BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
@MsBeachNJ ok so this happened to my cousin! I always thought it was so crazy that people don’t know they are pregnant.. well I still do but it happened to someone in our family! She did gain a little weight but nothing that would’ve resembled a baby bump at all.. and she was skinny to begin with! You would think she was overweight but she’s a twig! She went to the hospital one night with severe stomach pains and the dr came out to congratulate her spouse on the birth of their child! He was so very confused. There are definitely things that may have been prevented if she had the appropriate care during pregnancy. I will never understand these stories even though I know someone it happened to. So wild! Haha
@MsBeachNJ@septoctkids That is wild! I cannot wrap my mind around that. Maybe because I'm laying here with a killer headache, nausea, and barely slept last night? How! How could you not know??
@kgg2241@themadcamel I have no idea!! I think it’s part in denial and some people don’t have many symptoms.. seems insane if you ask me. I knew I was pregnant so early on haha
I just finished sweeping/mopping the floors, scrubbing the kitchen counters and appliances, scrubbing the kitchen table, cleaning the hand and dog nose prints off the sliding glass doors, taking out the trash and cleaning the bathroom mirrors. Phew!
*TW*
Me: 32 │ DH: 35 Married 8/16/13 BFP#1 DS 11/13/16 BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18 BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
@MsBeachNJ favorite part of that news story is the friend that commented on her Facebook page "I didn't even know you were expecting." 😂.THANKS, Karen neither did we! I read an article the other day about people who feel less or no pain, and they are missing a specific gene. Maybe that's how one could confuse labor for a stomach bug? (But also... FTM, so... does labor kind of feel like that ? Never heard it described that way.)
Re: April Randoms
Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017
Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
DX: Unexplained
8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019
10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
TTC #2: 12/2020
2/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
3/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
4/2021: Surprise! Natural BFP! \\ EDD Jan 6th, 2022 \\ Chemical, betas not rising
8/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
9/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
10/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD July 29th, 2022
I have a bit of rant that could possibly also be a question, so I think it goes here. I'm putting it in a spoiler since it might be lengthy. It's also about religion, specifically Catholicism, which could be a touchy subject for some.
The conundrum is that it would break my father's heart if we don't baptize our child, but my husband is pretty against raising her as a Catholic. On the one hand, he agrees that there's no harm in having her baptized and even going through communion and confirmation. On the other, he's only on board with all of that if it's just a "cultural" thing. What has me conflicted is that if she goes through all of that, she'll have to go to Sunday school (we're planning on keeping her in the public school system). If she's going to Sunday school, I feel like it would be hypocritical of my husband and I to not go to church. I think it would set a really bad example/create a lack of trust if we make our child learn to be Catholic but don't practice ourselves. This whole thing has me stressed and frustrated. I love my dad and I really don't think denouncing his faith is an option that I could seriously consider. However, I also don't want DH to be uncomfortable and bitter either. Ughhhhh! Is there anyone else who came from a religious family but isn't very religious personally? What did you/do you plan to do when it comes to your kid(s)?
If you and YH aren’t 100% against it, I say there’s no harm in just doing the bare minimum to appease your parents. But again, that’s only if you guys aren’t against doing it - just kind meh about it.
I have actually been thinking of sending both DS and new baby (once new baby is 2) to a Christian based daycare affiliated with one of the churches here. I want to give our kids some sense of right / wrong and I like the basic aspect of the Sunday school message which they incorporate into their curriculum. DH isn’t completely against it, but doesn’t want to spend every Sunday morning at church and thinks if we send them we’ll have to become members and go every Sunday.
All of that is my long way of saying that while it can be a tough decision, know that there isn't a right or a wrong answer.
We've also been considering sending our kids to a church affiliated daycare like @lillywonderland mentioned. I liked going to church. MH and I both agree that it taught us really good morals and how to treat people right. We both want our children to have the same experience we had.
Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017
Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
DX: Unexplained
8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019
10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
TTC #2: 12/2020
2/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
3/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
4/2021: Surprise! Natural BFP! \\ EDD Jan 6th, 2022 \\ Chemical, betas not rising
8/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
9/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
10/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD July 29th, 2022
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Super random. I had a dream last night that I was talking to my grandma. I don’t know what we were talking about but she used the term “guacamole bone marrow.” I asked her what it meant (you know how old people use out of date sayings). She explained that it meant people from the Midwest who… … I can NOT remember the rest! All night when I would roll over I’d wake up thinking “guacamole bone marrow!” I’m so frustrated that I have no idea what it means and that it keeps popping up in my head! Lol guacamole bone marrow, wtf.
Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017
Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
DX: Unexplained
8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019
10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
TTC #2: 12/2020
2/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
3/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
4/2021: Surprise! Natural BFP! \\ EDD Jan 6th, 2022 \\ Chemical, betas not rising
8/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
9/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
10/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD July 29th, 2022
Also, am I the only one who gets irrationally angry at people at work who leave VMs that just say "Call me back, ok?" Like, I want some context here- what am I walking into? And why does it need to be a phone call when there is a perfectly good email program in this office? (doesn't help that I basically hate this person...)
Married: 8/2015
TTC #1: 4/2017
Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
DX: Unexplained
8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th, 2019
10/7/2019: Healthy baby boy!
TTC #2: 12/2020
2/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
3/2021: Letrozole + TI = BFN
4/2021: Surprise! Natural BFP! \\ EDD Jan 6th, 2022 \\ Chemical, betas not rising
8/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
9/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
10/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
11/2021: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD July 29th, 2022
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle