@expandcontract I think it was someone else who said something about shitty home owners. These guys have been okay. I mean $3000 for 27 years of ownership isn't so bad I feel like. I still haven't heard back from the realtor 😭
@mrskoz428 by week 38 I was so done. I was truly exhausted and going to work was hard and miserable. I had a desk job so I got to sit all day but my back and my ribs ached from baby, I had terrible reflux, and I was just uncomfortable - I didn't even get huge! I was walking normally and not even waddling but I remember thinking by 38 weeks women should just get maternity leave. I agree with everyone else it wasn't an omg moment. I started labor around 11 am at work and continued working until 5 - I was uncomfortable but not positive if it was labor. I commuted home on public transit but totally could have driven, and then had time to eat dinner, shower, clean, and watch TV before I started timing around 8:30 pm.
But anyway, I don't think you're being stupid. You have a paid summer off which is awesome. The only thing I can think for why you may not want to is because it may make time go slower but like I said, I was DONE. Its the last chance you'll have to relax in a long time so I'd take advantage of that. It's kind of you to want to do that for work but do it for you, not for them. I wish I had taken a week off to relax but I had to choose between before or after and after was more valuable to me, you don't have to do that. I had 7 weeks paid, 5 unpaid, and I took 1 week of vacation.
@brie_and_almonds we don’t get that option, but I can have them take my portion of my benefits that are deducted out of the next few paychecks so that I don’t owe anything while on leave. I really like that idea, because then whatever I get from short term disability will go towards the bills. I’m probably going to take my 5 weeks. Honestly, that’s nothing compared to what many do, and 3.5 weeks unpaid is not insane.
By the way, @mrskoz428 I know statistically FTMs go late but I went over a week early. Granted my mother had me 3 weeks early and idk your family history
@mrskoz428 I worked until I delivered with DD1. Well, almost. I was teaching 7th grade at the time (I had looped with the same group of kids who I announced I we pregnant to the year before). I was scheduled to be induced on a Monday, so I took Friday off just because. I was 40+ weeks and honestly felt okay. With DD2 I was scheduled to be done 1.5 weeks before my due date because it coincided with the end of the third grading period, but I ended up going back for another week because I wanted the money and there was no signs of her coming (I still waited a week). My kids were actually really sweet towards the end, mostly well behaved because they knew how I was feeling. I preferred staying as long as I could, personally. Sitting home was BORING. It made it that much longer to wait. Second time around wasn't bad because I hung out with my oldest.
@DuchessOfCambridge that’s a good point. My mom went a week early with me, and I was 8 pounds 8 ounces. My sister went 3.5 weeks early with her first and my. Once was 6 pounds 2 ounces. So there is a possibility of me going early.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I think it really depends on your market too. It sounds like it is a sellers market if they had 4 offers in one day. We ended up paying 35k over asking and still had to do some repairs because that is just how the market is where I live. If they come back saying no you could always try to offer to split the cost. We were able to do that with several items. I hope it all goes smoothly!
@expandcontract I think it was someone else who said something about shitty home owners. These guys have been okay. I mean $3000 for 27 years of ownership isn't so bad I feel like. I still haven't heard back from the realtor 😭
@mrskoz428 I know you don’t want my opinion but I’m going to give it to you anyway. When I had DD1, I chose to start my mat leave 2 weeks before my due date. Like most FTMs, I went over said due date by 10 days. I hated my job and had no intention of returning to it, so I was glad to be off and I enjoyed the break. Especially at the end of pregnancy, that chance to put my feet up was just gold. As a first time mom, you won’t get that chance again. With DD2, I wasn’t working, so got zero mat leave, but I was on my feet all day every day right until the end because DD1 was such an active toddler. If you can, I would take the extra time - and it sounds like you have systems in place that would allow you to swing it financially. It gives you the added peace of mind that you’ve left your classroom and your sub prepared versus a rush out.
Edited to add add tag because I apparently forgot how to do that.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
@mrskoz428 If you can financially take off before baby arrives then I say do it.
I was lucky with my girls as California has a state run disability program. You get paid a percentage of your pay each week. You can take 4 weeks before baby arrives and then either 6 or 8 weeks disability after depending on whether of you have a vaginal or c-section delivery. Then they offer 6 weeks of paid bonding.
With my first I went out 3 weeks prior to my due date and she came two weeks early. And my second I went out 3 and half weeks early and she came 2 weeks early again. I had pretty easy pregnancies and wasn’t that uncomfortable at the end. I did have a lot of swelling in my feet with my first. It was nice to have a few days to relax and get the last few things pulled together without having to worry about work.
Ivy: July 2010 | Stella: Dec 2012 | BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020
@mrskoz428 My situation is also different because I was dealing with depression that stopped me from functioning at work, but I started leave 5 weeks before DD was born and it was glorious. Granted I did nothing at all. Got up, ate breakfast, sat on the couch, watched Cubs games, and went to bed. But turning my brain off for 5 weeks was exactly what I needed. It meant i went back to work when DD was 13 weeks, instead of 16- but I don’t regret it.
If you have the time, then by all means use it!!!!!!!! DHs cousin is also a teacher is due in early May and she gets 12 weeks paid FMLA in addition to her summer off, so she is planning to stop work in April because why the hell not? If you can’t use you STD to start the school year then you might as well use it at the end.
@k2k2tog not sure why I wouldn’t value or want your opinion. You all have given such great advice throughout all of this already! I truly respect everyone’s opinions!
@robyn2201@chloe97 I’m planning on starting leave 4 days before my due date, since that falls on a Monday. I honestly can’t imagine being comfortable at that point, but who knows!
If you have the time, then by all means use it!!!!!!!! DHs cousin is also a teacher is due in early May and she gets 12 weeks paid FMLA in addition to her summer off, so she is planning to stop work in April because why the hell not?
Where is this magical unicorn land where your cousin works? I may need to move...
@brie_and_almonds Chicago Public Schools. The benefits may be good, but you have to deal with a lot of crap otherwise. At least 2 of her high school students have been shot. And she teaches in a “good” neighborhood.
@melbee81 I would submit the abstract and thn reassess in April. You can always back out if necessary, and just mention it's due to health reasons. They always have lots of speakers as back ups to fill gaps if you totally can't make the trip. It's a great chance, too!
@eatinwatermelonseeds home buying is such a roller coaster. We broke up with our house(which we ended up buying) b/c the seller was being a bit of a pain over deffered maintenance/repairs, too. They took a big loss on this house since we bought at the bottom of the market in 2013 with the help of a VA loan. I think our final negotiated price was about $60,000 less than they paid about 6 years prior when they bought it. But it has an attached rental (which I'm sure people shied away from) and needed a lot of deferred maintenance.
We ended up negotiating that they would give us $5000 back at closing for all the work that needed to be done. That way we got a small amount of money and were able to make sure the work got done right instead of half-assed fixes to cover up problems. When we presented the results of the home inspection, we made sure to fully list all the work needed (electrical, structural, roof, etc). I'm sure having the house on the market for 2 years helped us, but we really didn't think he was going to budge and we broke up with the house so we could mentally distance ourselves from how much we LOVE the house to the realistic list of work to do. You'll get through this! In today's market, it can be super stressful since there always seems to be multiple offers the day a place goes on the market. My Brother and SIL went through similar issues but ended up finding a great place. Unfortunately, they closed about a week before my niece was born. I know you will find a great place, too!
@knarlytaurus I looked online and they bought this house in 1991 for $90,000. They asked for $269,900. Our final offer was $277,000. Some of these repairs could end up costing thousands if they go in to repair and find more wrong. We're willing to compromise some things and do them ourselves, but damage to the roofing and rot in the structure are big things we just can't overlook and that only brings down their total to pay by $700. I'm trying to disconnect from the house too. I don't think they're going to work with us. But we'll see. Hopefully my realtor will call soon.
@mrskoz428 I started my maternity leave 2 weeks before I was due! I had already worked it out with my office and they did give me a little grief about it. But I didn't budge. I was crazy uncomfortable at that point (similar to what @DuchessOfCambridge said) and was very thankful for my decision. I felt great my whole pregnancy but towards the end there, could barely put shoes on because my ankles were so swollen. It was hard to walk around and commute on the subway and have people gawk at me. It was also really nice to take it easy at home before the baby came and get some stuff done around the house. I actually ended up having contractions and starting early labor a week before DD was due, and had her 4 days before she was due. I used short term disability for 6 weeks while I was out and then used my saved up vacation time for the reminder of the time, which is what I plan on doing with this baby too.
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
@eatinwatermelonseeds Rot in the framing can get so expensive so quickly! It could lead to needing to lift the whole house to replace sills or fix the foundation, etc. If this house doesn't work out, maybe it's for the best. But it is so hard when you just LOVE it! Probably some of it has to do with how much of a $$ cushion you have to do repairs and how extensive it is. If it's systemic throughout the whole house, then it could get ugly. If it's one small spot due to drainage or something like that, then it may be more manageable. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
@mrskoz428 I was referring to your request for comments from Americans who understand shitty maternity leave. I am not that (though I've never used my Canadian maternity leave in the traditional way), but like to give my opinion anyway.
@eatinwatermelonseeds Can you call in a structural engineer to take a look at the damage before you walk away? Has your inspector given you an idea of how extensive the damage to the structure is and why it's happened? An engineer would be able to tell you a little more about what might need to be replaced, if anything. Once you fix the cause of the water damage and dry everything out, there may be less to worry about than you think. When we bought our first house, our inspector identified roof rot in the attic. It didn't affect the integrity of the structure, so we went ahead and replaced the roof a couple years later. Never actually replaced any of those roof boards and it held up fine. Good luck making your decision! And if you do walk away, I hope the house of your dreams (and budget!) comes along very soon!
I am mass deleting books out of the collection today. It is a mix of cathartic and painful. I have to rip the covers off some of the books in order to recycle them. Ripping the cover off The Indian in the Cupboard felt wonderful. Ripping the cover off the falling-apart-read-a-thousand-times copy of Harry Potter is going to be a lot harder (I'm putting it off...).
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
@eatinwatermelonseeds If you value your bank account, definitely DO NOT check out the Harry Potter Pottery Barn Collection. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
For maternity leave, I took off a week before my due date, and ended up delivering 4 days overdue. I physically and mentally could have kept on working, but I had gotten to the point where all my stuff had been prepared to hand off and I couldn't really start picking up work again, not knowing when I was going to have to take off. I enjoyed having the extra time to prepare and relax!
I got into the bachelor series a year or so ago and just found out this morning that Arie and Lauren are pregnant and due in June. I spent more time than I'd like to admit lurking in June to see if Lauren had done an intro. The answer is no if anyone else is curious.
@lovelybabybumpz oh god, I don't know if I have the will to resist now! 😩😂
@k2k2tog I may talk to my husband. I can just picture the side eye. He's an engineer 😂 but he's still technically in training and works with designing bridges, not houses. So maybe he won't have a huff when I suggest it 😂 I can just hear him now. We're pretty sure it's due to the gutters not having a downspout, which we asked them to repair but are prepared to do ourselves if needed. The inspector said it looks like they tried to have it repaired once and it was a crappy job. He said he couldn't tell the extent of the damage, but may require removing cabinetry in the kitchen to get to. It could be bad and far more expensive than the current estimate. And I'm not going to lie, we came into this pretty ignorant of what the out of pocket costs would be (particularly with closing, as I've had a lot of friends just have it paid by the seller so I hadn't even considered it an expense, stupid of me). So, if it weren't for that we would have the money for repairs, but because that came up we just don't have it.
@mrskoz428 I'm all for taking leave toward the end of your pregnancy if you can! I ended up getting put on modified bed rest at 37 weeks and had him at 38+4 so it wasn't a huge amount of time that I ended up getting unpaid leave for and I felt like I at least got a bit of rest in before he was there. I think it's nice to have a plan in place as much as possible too since you do have students. Hopefully your husband will understand that a paycheck or two not rolling in won't break the bank!
@eatinwatermelonseeds I am so sorry about the house stress! Home buying is truly one of the most stressful things because there are so many unknowns. I have to say, I agree with your husband though. Structural stuff isn't something to mess with since it really can add up quickly. That being said, I think the sellers should fix it or at least pay for most of it. Anyone else buying that house will ask the same unless they have a ton of extra money to throw at the house once they own it. Hopefully they will agree to pay for that! Crossing my fingers it works out for you.
*TW*
Me: 32 │ DH: 35 Married 8/16/13 BFP#1 DS 11/13/16 BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18 BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Im at a meeting with some providers right now. There are 4 of them. Meeting was supposed to start 045 minutes ago. So far, I've only been able to meet with one of them. It was supposed to be all four at once. I guess they're expecting me to repeat the same shit 4 separate times because they can't all be in one place at the same time? This is going to take forever.
Ugghhh, @expandcontract! I feel you! I'm so hungry... At the hospital waiting to get a blood draw and am ready to eat my arm off. The worst part is that there was 4 phlobotomists at the check in counter just sitting there, and I've been waiting for more than 10 minutes... Not sure why the delay.
And your clients are so inconsiderate by not all being there the same time as you had ALREADY scheduled!
@eatinwatermelonseeds I really this works out for you one way or another. We had taken a first-time home buyers class before we bought and we still were trying to cover all small costs. It adds up quickly!
I didn’t know whether to put this in the ultrasound thread or not, but I called and made an appointment at First Glimpse to see if we’re having a boy or a girl! I was hoping to talk them into letting me come at 15 weeks rather than 16 since that’s when I went with DS at a different place, and I about fell out of my chair when they told me I could come in next Saturday! I’ll be 14w3d. Seems kind of early to me, but she said they wouldn’t guess if there was any question, and they would just have me come back in a few days. This is the “go-to” place where I live, and they’ve been doing it for a long time, so I know they’re fully capable, but I’m just surprised and obviously super excited. Anyone else found out around 14 weeks or earlier? Part of me doesn’t want to get my hopes up in case they aren’t able to tell. 😂
@megsb615 At our NT scan baby was measuring ahead at 14w1d and the ultrasound tech guessed boy. She was very adamant it was a guess and not to run out and buy boy stuff. Our NIPT test results confirmed she was right and it is a boy.
Ivy: July 2010 | Stella: Dec 2012 | BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020
@robyn2201 So so exciting! I was thinking some people had talked about their US techs guessing correctly early on. The lady I made the appt with said she found out with her daughter at 13 weeks. Just seems so early to me, but I can’t wait!
@eatinwatermelonseeds So, I guess it’s not extremely uncommon to find out at 13 weeks if baby cooperates? Eek! I’m excited for you!
I think there are a lot of factors that go into early ultrasound guesses. Quality of the machine, the ultrasound techs experience, and babies position.
We got lucky because baby was laying sideways and she got a good side shot that showed the nub going up rather than down. I go to a teaching hospital, and after the tech was done a student got to practice and baby completely flipped directions and she was not able to get a good shot like the other tech did. She kept trying and baby just didn’t cooperate. And I have never seen an ultrasound machine with such good quality. I’m high risk so it was done at the MFM office inside one of the best children’s hospital in our area. They have a level 4 NICU.
I had a friend who went to an elective ultrasound at about 16 weeks, was told she was having a boy. She went to her anatomy scan and told boy. She had an ultrasound at like 36 something weeks to check size and was told girl. She had a girl!
Ivy: July 2010 | Stella: Dec 2012 | BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020
@robyn2201 Oh no! I couldn’t imagine. Not because I’d be disappointed, but because I love all things monogrammed. Haha Stories like that always make me paranoid about that happening to me.
Re: Randomness Week of 11/11
But anyway, I don't think you're being stupid. You have a paid summer off which is awesome. The only thing I can think for why you may not want to is because it may make time go slower but like I said, I was DONE. Its the last chance you'll have to relax in a long time so I'd take advantage of that. It's kind of you to want to do that for work but do it for you, not for them. I wish I had taken a week off to relax but I had to choose between before or after and after was more valuable to me, you don't have to do that. I had 7 weeks paid, 5 unpaid, and I took 1 week of vacation.
Sorry this was so long!
Edited to add add tag because I apparently forgot how to do that.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
I was lucky with my girls as California has a state run disability program. You get paid a percentage of your pay each week. You can take 4 weeks before baby arrives and then either 6 or 8 weeks disability after depending on whether of you have a vaginal or c-section delivery. Then they offer 6 weeks of paid bonding.
With my first I went out 3 weeks prior to my due date and she came two weeks early. And my second I went out 3 and half weeks early and she came 2 weeks early again. I had pretty easy pregnancies and wasn’t that uncomfortable at the end. I did have a lot of swelling in my feet with my first. It was nice to have a few days to relax and get the last few things pulled together without having to worry about work.
If you have the time, then by all means use it!!!!!!!! DHs cousin is also a teacher is due in early May and she gets 12 weeks paid FMLA in addition to her summer off, so she is planning to stop work in April because why the hell not? If you can’t use you STD to start the school year then you might as well use it at the end.
@robyn2201 @chloe97 I’m planning on starting leave 4 days before my due date, since that falls on a Monday. I honestly can’t imagine being comfortable at that point, but who knows!
We ended up negotiating that they would give us $5000 back at closing for all the work that needed to be done. That way we got a small amount of money and were able to make sure the work got done right instead of half-assed fixes to cover up problems. When we presented the results of the home inspection, we made sure to fully list all the work needed (electrical, structural, roof, etc). I'm sure having the house on the market for 2 years helped us, but we really didn't think he was going to budge and we broke up with the house so we could mentally distance ourselves from how much we LOVE the house to the realistic list of work to do.
You'll get through this! In today's market, it can be super stressful since there always seems to be multiple offers the day a place goes on the market. My Brother and SIL went through similar issues but ended up finding a great place. Unfortunately, they closed about a week before my niece was born. I know you will find a great place, too!
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
@mrskoz428 I was referring to your request for comments from Americans who understand shitty maternity leave. I am not that (though I've never used my Canadian maternity leave in the traditional way), but like to give my opinion anyway.
@eatinwatermelonseeds Can you call in a structural engineer to take a look at the damage before you walk away? Has your inspector given you an idea of how extensive the damage to the structure is and why it's happened? An engineer would be able to tell you a little more about what might need to be replaced, if anything. Once you fix the cause of the water damage and dry everything out, there may be less to worry about than you think. When we bought our first house, our inspector identified roof rot in the attic. It didn't affect the integrity of the structure, so we went ahead and replaced the roof a couple years later. Never actually replaced any of those roof boards and it held up fine. Good luck making your decision! And if you do walk away, I hope the house of your dreams (and budget!) comes along very soon!
I am mass deleting books out of the collection today. It is a mix of cathartic and painful. I have to rip the covers off some of the books in order to recycle them. Ripping the cover off The Indian in the Cupboard felt wonderful. Ripping the cover off the falling-apart-read-a-thousand-times copy of Harry Potter is going to be a lot harder (I'm putting it off...).
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
If you value your bank account, definitely DO NOT check out the Harry Potter Pottery Barn Collection. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
For maternity leave, I took off a week before my due date, and ended up delivering 4 days overdue. I physically and mentally could have kept on working, but I had gotten to the point where all my stuff had been prepared to hand off and I couldn't really start picking up work again, not knowing when I was going to have to take off. I enjoyed having the extra time to prepare and relax!
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
@k2k2tog I may talk to my husband. I can just picture the side eye. He's an engineer 😂 but he's still technically in training and works with designing bridges, not houses. So maybe he won't have a huff when I suggest it 😂 I can just hear him now. We're pretty sure it's due to the gutters not having a downspout, which we asked them to repair but are prepared to do ourselves if needed. The inspector said it looks like they tried to have it repaired once and it was a crappy job. He said he couldn't tell the extent of the damage, but may require removing cabinetry in the kitchen to get to. It could be bad and far more expensive than the current estimate. And I'm not going to lie, we came into this pretty ignorant of what the out of pocket costs would be (particularly with closing, as I've had a lot of friends just have it paid by the seller so I hadn't even considered it an expense, stupid of me). So, if it weren't for that we would have the money for repairs, but because that came up we just don't have it.
@mrskoz428 I'm all for taking leave toward the end of your pregnancy if you can! I ended up getting put on modified bed rest at 37 weeks and had him at 38+4 so it wasn't a huge amount of time that I ended up getting unpaid leave for and I felt like I at least got a bit of rest in before he was there. I think it's nice to have a plan in place as much as possible too since you do have students. Hopefully your husband will understand that a paycheck or two not rolling in won't break the bank!
@eatinwatermelonseeds I am so sorry about the house stress! Home buying is truly one of the most stressful things because there are so many unknowns. I have to say, I agree with your husband though. Structural stuff isn't something to mess with since it really can add up quickly. That being said, I think the sellers should fix it or at least pay for most of it. Anyone else buying that house will ask the same unless they have a ton of extra money to throw at the house once they own it. Hopefully they will agree to pay for that! Crossing my fingers it works out for you.
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
ETA: I haven't eaten yet either.
And your clients are so inconsiderate by not all being there the same time as you had ALREADY scheduled!
that's amazing
@eatinwatermelonseeds So, I guess it’s not extremely uncommon to find out at 13 weeks if baby cooperates? Eek! I’m excited for you!
We got lucky because baby was laying sideways and she got a good side shot that showed the nub going up rather than down. I go to a teaching hospital, and after the tech was done a student got to practice and baby completely flipped directions and she was not able to get a good shot like the other tech did. She kept trying and baby just didn’t cooperate. And I have never seen an ultrasound machine with such good quality. I’m high risk so it was done at the MFM office inside one of the best children’s hospital in our area. They have a level 4 NICU.
I had a friend who went to an elective ultrasound at about 16 weeks, was told she was having a boy. She went to her anatomy scan and told boy. She had an ultrasound at like 36 something weeks to check size and was told girl. She had a girl!
@robyn2201 Oh no! I couldn’t imagine. Not because I’d be disappointed, but because I love all things monogrammed. Haha Stories like that always make me paranoid about that happening to me.