@melbee81because you are considered high risk I would definitely speak to your doctor. But here's an anecdote of my own experience:
When I was in the later stages of my first pregnancy (like past 30 weeks) I mentioned to my doctor that DH's grandpa was in pretty rough health and that the family had already been called in several times to say goodbye. We knew there would be a funeral soon but weren't sure when. I asked her what her thoughts were about me travelling to the funeral as the weeks went on (it was a 10 hr drive one way). She basically said that babies can be born anywhere and I would be totally fine to go. To take lots of breaks on the drive to stretch my legs and walk around. I brought the car seat with us when we did go (I was 37 weeks at the funeral) but didn't end up needing it. I'm in Canada and healthcare is a bit different. Despite travelling to another province for the funeral I didn't need to worry about the costs associated with a birth or an ER visit not being covered (the neighbouring province would have simply billed my provincial healthcare for it). So I'm not sure how that works for you down there. Maybe check to see what hospitals along the way and in Memphis are in your network? Or does that not matter if its emergent?
@ melbee81 Like @peachy13 said, if you're doctor okays it is a big thing. What would be the implications of last minute canceling? My OB told us to book refundable flights for everything. She's saying that this time as we're asking about holiday travel and I have a SCH but when we booked it, I remembered purchasing the insurance for our "babymoon" last time. Obviously not flying is better/easier to cancel but you'd have to stop every hour or two to stretch which is a pain (and you might also need to pee). That 7-8 hour ride could turn into 10. It sounds like a great opportunity so I'm inclined to say try to make it work but don't be surprised if it doesn't. Your doctor might not be comfortable with you going that far away that late in your pregnancy, either.
DS woke up this morning and I'm guessing he remembers how I cuddled him and took care of him while he was sick because he's been cuddling me, holding my hand, telling me I'm the best and he loves me. ♥️ You know, sometimes I think about wanting a girl, but if I got another little boy who thinks I'm his whole world, I would be a happy mom ♥️
@eatinwatermelonseeds I hope your son feels better soon and no one else gets sick! I hate when DD is sick but the snuggles are so sweet.
I knew today was Tuesday but since DD didn't have daycare yesterday, was doing the math calculation in my head of how far along I am as one day behind. Oops!
I bought a pack of herbal tea early this pregnancy. The ginger and lemon ones are good, I had read chamomile was safe but now see conflicting info, but had one of 2 different types that had lemon grass (they are not flavors I'm into anyways and lemon grass is only one of a bunch of ingredients). I didn't drink tea last pregnancy except RRL but wtf on the complications for lemon grass. I'm not super concerned because it was 2 cups spread out weeks apart but I feel like it's so hard to avoid all the things we're supposed to.
@mcewen3@sleepy33@kvh22@peachy13 I spoke with the nurse at my office and she said they'd be able to advise better at my next appt... in a month! So no help at all b/c i need to submit by Wed, lol. I need to look into what would happen if I get accepted and end up cancelling but with all the what if's it might just be better to pass. Thanks for the input ladies!
@melbee81 when would you find out if your abstract is accepted? What are the consequences to your career if you submit, get accepted and back out? If they are minimal, I would submit and see what happens. If you get accepted, you may feel great and manage the long drive just fine - with plenty of breaks. But, if cancelling is going to mean a huge black mark on your name and potentially prevent you from ever presenting again, I probably wouldn't risk it that close to your due date.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
@melbee81 maybe you can look into it and still submit and then explain later that your doctor didn't okay it. I'd think that would be fine but obviously you would know better if that's actually a no-no. I'd hate to have you pass it up because of the unknowns and then have the doc say you could've done it.
@melbee81 I guess I'm the odd ball out.... If I were in your shoes, I would pass. But this is because Im comfortable with where Im at with my career, right now. It all depends on how this would benefit your career. To me, the thought of possibly having my child in some other city with random doctors terrifies me. And then having to bring the baby back on a long road trip would be stressful, too. However, I do like @kvh22 idea about submitting and canceling if you have to.
Im going to have a Tuesday Bitch Fest right now. My Director literally yelled at me and me entire team today for shit that is not under our control. I'll spare you the details but basically, the director and VP have been changing game plans on us on a daily basis. My manager is horrible at communicating the changes. The couple times I have asked her for clarifications, she's snapped at me. Other times, she doesn't even get back to us. Normally, I would complain but Im in a place right now she i just want to coast. Im not looking for a promotion or anything. Anyhow, during the Director's rant, I think she realized that none of this was our fault (we've been working our butts off the past few months, btw) and started calming down and being all "honey honey" to us. But of course, no freaking apology. And, I'm just waiting for Director to realize what an awful job manager is doing. 😑
ETA: And by the way, we've all been working through our lunches for months now. Not today. Not me!
Does anyone else feel like it's just a waiting game til you get to do something else for the pregnancy? I feel like there's so much to get done in the next 27 weeks though there's not much for me to do right now... I don't need maternity clothes yet, I'm waiting on my amazing friend and I to get together for me to see what I can get from her and her last pregnancy before I start the registry, I have my NT scheduled for Thursday, and we're waiting til thanksgiving to tell the extended fam about LO.
I've got all this excitement today and nowhere to use it... except cleaning and stuff but that's no fun.
@kbeers13 I was venting to my husband the other day that it sucks because I want to buy things, but I can't buy clothes because I don't know the sex and I can't buy any big things for baby because we're not living in the house we will be when baby is born. I can't work on the nursery for both of those reasons either. It's hard to get excited when I can't do anything to express my excitement.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I saved all my favorite nursery themes for either gender on Buy Buy Baby yesterday and am waiting on DH to weed through ones he hated LOL
@kbeers13 I'm trying to talk DH into a Harry Potter theme but he says no lol. I honestly think I'll just do gray walls and accent pink or blue. We did a jungle theme with DS but if it's a boy I'm leaning toward letting DS choose lol. It'll probably be Pokemon though 🤔
A new coworker just started and she was brought over to my office for an introduction since we're going to be working together somewhat frequently. She saw photos of DD and asked how old he was. No hard feelings, DD's hair isn't long and we dress her in a lot of non-girly colors, so it doesn't bother me if people think she's a boy, but I still gently corrected my new coworker. I also have a 1-11 month milestone photo collage on my wall (DD turns 1 in a few weeks!) and she said "OH! Is this what they're doing these days?" in kind of a judgey tone... like we kids today are so silly and childish, taking photos of our babies each month in some creative fashion. How trendy and millennial of me! (eye roll) She then said, "well, just tell me you didn't do one of those crazy gender reveals!" I told her I did have one, and it was awesome and my guests had a really fun time at the party I threw with free food and drinks that in the end was a fun celebration for our baby. I said though that I already found out I'm having another girl, but didn't do a gender reveal. She didn't even realize I was indirectly saying I was pregnant, and just said, "well, it's another time now with all these gender parties. I prefer the old fashioned way of just waiting."
Maybe she was just nervous on her first day and saying weird stuff? I can't imagine anyone being kind of a jerk to someone they literally just met.
Me: 33 DH: 34 Married: Oct 2015 TTC #1: Sept 2016 BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16 BFP: 3/24/17 DD1 born 12/2/17 TTC #2: July 2018 BFP: 8/26/18 DD2 born 5/16/19
Errrr. So, I got a call from my realtor about the inspection we had on the house. We had asked for a lot of the stuff to be fixed. They had an estimate done for all the work and it's almost $3000. The freaking sellers want to just give us their washer/dryer, couch/loveseat/chair, coffee table and end table in lieu of paying for this. They're not even worth that amount. I'm so frustrated. We are paying $7000 over asking, along with closing costs, I really don't see why they can't do this without being dicks.
@eatinwatermelonseeds Wut? That's super weird... here, I'll just give you a bunch of big stuff I don't want to have to move and probably isn't your style instead of ponying up to pay for the problem...
@sleepy33 I could be wrong, but I think they're just cheap. And really trying to get rid of their furniture because that's the second time they've tried to get us to take it 😂 they bought this house almost 30 years ago, it's almost paid off I'm sure. They are standing to make a lot of money on this deal. It honestly feels like they're being greedy. My husband was like "2700 is nothing compared to 277,000. We don't need their furniture. Tell them to make the repairs or we'll find a different house" 😭 he makes a point though.
I'm with your husband too @eatinwatermelonseeds. If they want to sell the house they have to complete the repairs. And as someone who has been stuck with other people's junk after buying a house (not given as an incentive or in lieu of anything, basically just a long story and we're suckers for extra work) you don't want that hassle.
@eatinwatermelonseeds that’s super obnoxious of them. I would push back for them to either drop the price by the cost of the repairs or have it fixed themselves. Any buyer is going to find the same issues and want it fixed so they’ll just have to do it at some point.
@aels12 my realtor basically said the same thing. I'm honestly surprised these people were like "hey, let's just let the structure rot, keep the roof and plumbing damage, but give them our washer and dryer." What? 😒
Waiting on my realtor to get back with their response.
@eatinwatermelonseeds There were several things found wrong with the house we bought during inspection. We made a list of the things we are requesting to be fixed before closing (like a broken screen in s front window, a broken pane of glass in a second story double pane window, as/heat serviced, some other moderately priced repairs). The sellers flipped out. Their house had been on the market over three months (truthfully they were asking too much) and they settled with us for $16k under their asking price. When we asked for the repairs they flipped in their realtor as well, cursing her out, and said we needed to take the house as is on the agreed on price or they'd go up to the full asking price to repair. They were just not nice people. We ended up just deciding to fix things ourselves. So far we've had to repair both the windows, almost replace the ac, the furnace needed a complete overhaul (because the "servicing" the prior owners had done wasn't correctly done 😤), completely replace the master toilet, replace the hot water heater, paint *everything*, patch *everything*, replace appliances, do all this standard home ownership maintenance *properly*, put window locks in all the windows that could have just been removed before we did that (discovered some of the window tracks are busted), carpet needs to be replaced...le sigh. They were just **really** crappy home owners, and even some of what we've done wasn't even found in the inspection. We still got a good deal on our house, but it's frustrating that there's so much more to take care of them we knew about. Home ownership is great and terrible.
@imrachellea that makes me so mad! Unfortunately, this house was on the market one day and had 4 offers. But realistically I don't think they're going to find anyone who will take this house with rot in the structure. Realistically even at $7k over asking, it's one of the cheapest houses we've found in the area that isn't a dump. I don't know what to do. I really don't want to pass on this house, but it's a lot of money for us right now given how much we're needing to pay out of pocket for closing.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I’m going to disagree with everyone here... do you love the house? Are there other good options? How much is it worth to you? The sellers may very well be able to turn around and sell it to someone else, especially if there were other offers and, as you said, it’s the best house at it’s price point. I would swallow the $3000.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
@eatinwatermelonseeds Since DH is a realtor so I hear a lot of stories like this. A lot of people take out home equity loans so they might not have as much equity as you would think. DH can look up and see how much people owe on their mortgages and he learned that the sellers of our house owed more than they paid even though they had bought it 12 years before.
DH rarely sees sellers actually fix the issues, they usually just give credits and it’s never as much as the actual cost to fix the problems unfortunately. It sucks, but how willing a seller is willing to negotiate with you depends on the market. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but homebuying is super stressful. I hope you guys are able to come to good terms with the sellers.
Well, I had my maternity leave meeting with our district HRs today. I’m struggling with when to start my maternity leave. Being a teacher, I REALLY don’t want to go into labor in front of my students. Plus, three days after I’m due, they take their HUGE field trip to Madison. I’m obviously not allowed to go. I was going to start maternity leave on the 6th of May and take 5 weeks (until the end of the school year). About 3 weeks would be unpaid, but I could collect short term disability during this time. DH thinks I’m being stupid. Am I crazy for wanting to start my leave a little early so my kids know exactly when their sub will start? I would love some opinions (preferably from Americans who understand shitty American maternity leave; love you Canadians ).
Ugh this is so frustrating. My husband is adamant that we should not buy this house until the rot issue is fixed because it could be way worse once they start fixing it and could really add up. Most everything else we could probably do, but that's one thing DH is adamant about having fixed first.
We LOVE this house, but I was just looking through their website and we could find another house. It just might take a while 😭 this is seriously the longest wait.
@mrskoz428 it's nice of you to think of your students, I'm not in the same situation so it's hard to compare, but my view is that we don't owe our work the "heads up" of having a predictable time for us to go out. This could come across poorly, but I wanted to save as much of my leave to be at home with my baby so I worked until I went into labor (although I have flexibility to work from home). I would hate to use 2 weeks of leave (or more) just because I was super late. Is it just money or would you get any more/less time. I'm not quite sure how it all works with teachers. I was due mid August so the ones in my mom's group didn't miss the end of school but used STD +FMLA for the beginning of the year (California gives you 12 weeks at a reduced rate no matter what if there's more than 50 ppl at your work place and you've been there a year)
@kvh22 I get all summer paid. I matter what, so I’m the end, even if I go late, I’ll still have all of June, July , and August with baby. I’m more worried about my students and the possibility of getting my sub in if I go into labor during the school day, and driving myself 40 minutes to the hospital on my own. I am only taking the end of the school year even though I can take 12 weeks (5 in Spring, 7 in Fall) all unpaid).
@mrskoz428 Why does your DH think you are being stupid? By that point in your pregnancy you may well be exhausted and miserable all the time. I know I had one coworker who had to start her leave earlier than planned because she just couldn't teach every day at the end.
With my first kiddo, I was subbing, and the sub company cut me out of the system two+ weeks before I was ready to, and then my baby was a week late, so I was just sitting around going stir-crazy for like a month... not ideal.
With my second, I planned to work up to Spring Break (she was due April 4), since that was a natural transition point, but she came a little early and I missed my last day of school, and then took 12 weeks off till the end.
Also, in my experience, "going into labor" was not a fast/dramatic process like you see on TV, it was like days of "maybe this is the real deal? Okay maybe not" until eventually the contractions kept coming instead of tapering off, but I know others' experiences have been different.
@brie_and_almonds DH just doesn’t like the idea of 3.5 weeks unpaid, which I think is SUPER minor compared to what it could be. I just know my kids don’t do well with last minute change, so having a set date would be nice for everyone.
Also, in my experience, "going into labor" was not a fast/dramatic process like you see on TV, it was like days of "maybe this is the real deal? Okay maybe not" until eventually the contractions kept coming instead of tapering off, but I know others' experiences have been different.
This. Mine didn't last days but I could tell when I woke up I was probably in labor. It was 23 1/2 hours and not even really that "inconvenient" for at least the first 8 hours. I know it will be faster this time as a STM and there are always exceptions of people who have super fast labors as FTMs. I am not trying to talk you into staying longer, especially if it won't impact your time with your baby. I know people who take time off before and love it, and some who hate it.
@brie_and_almonds@mrskoz428I was going to say the same thing about going into labor in front of your students. It won't be this "AHHHHHH" moment the first contraction lol. I was in early labor for hours before I had any idea it wasn't false labor (which I had been having for months at that point). It also happens most often in the evening for ftms (though not always of course).
That said, I would consider how long you want to be teaching into your pregnancy. Also, it being your first, you may go later so that's also something to consider. If you want a break before you're a slave to a tiny human, I think that's perfectly reasonable lol. I would probably do the same.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I just know there is a huge field trip 3 days after I’m due that I’m not allowed to go on (midwife already said nonsince it’s an 11 hour day with our students in a city 2 hours away). I’m mostly concerned about that and them knowing who’s going with them. I will probably go late and my time off with baby, if I don’t take leave a few days before my due date, will be completely dependent on when baby shows up. Honestly, lounging for a week or two at 40 weeks pregnant doesn’t sound miserable,!85 sounds lovely! 😂
@eatinwatermelonseeds Im not yet a home owner, but I've watched enough Property Brothers to know that a minor problem usually ends up revealing bigger more costly problems. (But then again how much of that show is actually real?) I think if I were in your shoes, I'd make them pay for the repairs. And since you said they are shitty home owners, I don't think I'd even want them to fix anything, just pay me the money so I know it will PROPERLY be fixed. Plus, I'd be super offended if they tried to dump their old furniture on me. How rude!
@mrskoz428 when I was pregnant with DD, I had planned on working until the very end. In reality, I ended up taking the Thursday and Friday off because I was too exhausted from the back to back false labors. On Saturday and Sunday, I ended up going to the hospital because my contractions were so close together. Saturday they sent me home. Sunday, they admitted me and I finally delivered DD Monday night. Im really glad I took those two days off because it gave me a chance to rest before Saturday and Sunday when they got super uncomfortable. Just sharing my experience for you to take into consideration. Im not trying to push you in one way or the other.
ETA: I forgot to mention that I was actually scheduled to be induced (due to GD) the same Monday I ended up delivering. So, I was supposed to work through that Friday.
@mrskoz428 idk if this makes much of a difference for you / your DH, but when I took my 12 weeks with DD2, like 9 of which was unpaid, my HR gave me the option of taking all the unpaid out of my paychecks at once (essentially skipping several checks) or of spreading it out over the rest of the summer so that I woul still get paid every month, but my checks would just be much smaller.
Re: Randomness Week of 11/11
When I was in the later stages of my first pregnancy (like past 30 weeks) I mentioned to my doctor that DH's grandpa was in pretty rough health and that the family had already been called in several times to say goodbye. We knew there would be a funeral soon but weren't sure when. I asked her what her thoughts were about me travelling to the funeral as the weeks went on (it was a 10 hr drive one way). She basically said that babies can be born anywhere and I would be totally fine to go. To take lots of breaks on the drive to stretch my legs and walk around. I brought the car seat with us when we did go (I was 37 weeks at the funeral) but didn't end up needing it. I'm in Canada and healthcare is a bit different. Despite travelling to another province for the funeral I didn't need to worry about the costs associated with a birth or an ER visit not being covered (the neighbouring province would have simply billed my provincial healthcare for it). So I'm not sure how that works for you down there. Maybe check to see what hospitals along the way and in Memphis are in your network? Or does that not matter if its emergent?
I knew today was Tuesday but since DD didn't have daycare yesterday, was doing the math calculation in my head of how far along I am as one day behind. Oops!
I bought a pack of herbal tea early this pregnancy. The ginger and lemon ones are good, I had read chamomile was safe but now see conflicting info, but had one of 2 different types that had lemon grass (they are not flavors I'm into anyways and lemon grass is only one of a bunch of ingredients). I didn't drink tea last pregnancy except RRL but wtf on the complications for lemon grass. I'm not super concerned because it was 2 cups spread out weeks apart but I feel like it's so hard to avoid all the things we're supposed to.
I spoke with the nurse at my office and she said they'd be able to advise better at my next appt... in a month! So no help at all b/c i need to submit by Wed, lol. I need to look into what would happen if I get accepted and end up cancelling but with all the what if's it might just be better to pass. Thanks for the input ladies!
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
However, I do like @kvh22 idea about submitting and canceling if you have to.
Im going to have a Tuesday Bitch Fest right now.
My Director literally yelled at me and me entire team today for shit that is not under our control. I'll spare you the details but basically, the director and VP have been changing game plans on us on a daily basis. My manager is horrible at communicating the changes. The couple times I have asked her for clarifications, she's snapped at me. Other times, she doesn't even get back to us. Normally, I would complain but Im in a place right now she i just want to coast. Im not looking for a promotion or anything. Anyhow, during the Director's rant, I think she realized that none of this was our fault (we've been working our butts off the past few months, btw) and started calming down and being all "honey honey" to us. But of course, no freaking apology.
And, I'm just waiting for Director to realize what an awful job manager is doing.
😑
ETA: And by the way, we've all been working through our lunches for months now. Not today. Not me!
I've got all this excitement today and nowhere to use it... except cleaning and stuff but that's no fun.
Maybe she was just nervous on her first day and saying weird stuff? I can't imagine anyone being kind of a jerk to someone they literally just met.
Married: Oct 2015
TTC #1: Sept 2016
BFP: 10/19/16 ~ blighted ovum ~ D&C 11/23/16
BFP: 3/24/17
TTC #2: July 2018
BFP: 8/26/18
Waiting on my realtor to get back with their response.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
DH rarely sees sellers actually fix the issues, they usually just give credits and it’s never as much as the actual cost to fix the problems unfortunately. It sucks, but how willing a seller is willing to negotiate with you depends on the market. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but homebuying is super stressful. I hope you guys are able to come to good terms with the sellers.
We LOVE this house, but I was just looking through their website and we could find another house. It just might take a while 😭 this is seriously the longest wait.
With my first kiddo, I was subbing, and the sub company cut me out of the system two+ weeks before I was ready to, and then my baby was a week late, so I was just sitting around going stir-crazy for like a month... not ideal.
With my second, I planned to work up to Spring Break (she was due April 4), since that was a natural transition point, but she came a little early and I missed my last day of school, and then took 12 weeks off till the end.
Also, in my experience, "going into labor" was not a fast/dramatic process like you see on TV, it was like days of "maybe this is the real deal? Okay maybe not" until eventually the contractions kept coming instead of tapering off, but I know others' experiences have been different.
That said, I would consider how long you want to be teaching into your pregnancy. Also, it being your first, you may go later so that's also something to consider. If you want a break before you're a slave to a tiny human, I think that's perfectly reasonable lol. I would probably do the same.
I think if I were in your shoes, I'd make them pay for the repairs. And since you said they are shitty home owners, I don't think I'd even want them to fix anything, just pay me the money so I know it will PROPERLY be fixed.
Plus, I'd be super offended if they tried to dump their old furniture on me. How rude!
@mrskoz428 when I was pregnant with DD, I had planned on working until the very end. In reality, I ended up taking the Thursday and Friday off because I was too exhausted from the back to back false labors. On Saturday and Sunday, I ended up going to the hospital because my contractions were so close together. Saturday they sent me home. Sunday, they admitted me and I finally delivered DD Monday night. Im really glad I took those two days off because it gave me a chance to rest before Saturday and Sunday when they got super uncomfortable. Just sharing my experience for you to take into consideration. Im not trying to push you in one way or the other.
ETA: I forgot to mention that I was actually scheduled to be induced (due to GD) the same Monday I ended up delivering. So, I was supposed to work through that Friday.