DH and I think it's crazy that one of his parents get up and will go watch TV with him while the rest of us all eat dinner together. (it happens all the time but most recently was mothers day. BIL spent all afternoon cooking this great meal for everyone, and then sat in the other room with his son watching TV while we all enjoyed the meal) Not having kids yet, we weren't sure if our feelings were fair. But it's definitely showing us ways of how we don't want to do things. :P
Thanks for all your input ladies! For us right now we eat all our meals on the couch..rarely at the table unless it's a nice occasion. Once the baby hits highchair stage we'll probably switch over to table eating to make sure we're all there together and start it early on hopefully showing that that's what happens at meal times.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@rachelsogo omg meals at the couch...it kills me...but...DH gets home fairly late and usually we will compromise and watch one episode of our favorite shows during dinner so it does save us time and at least we don't (usually) go to bed too late - no TV in the kitchen so that's why he goes straight to the couch...it's not my favorite thing to do as for my parents is the wasnalwawa a huge NO NO but like you I plan to be at the table more once baby can sit with us.
Oh yeah i forgot about the phase they dislike the high chair/booster! We don’t mind a few toys at the table either if it keeps him entertained while we eat. If anything i have to tell DH to wait for me to eat because he’ll just start without me most nights and I end up eating alone or while DS finished his food.
@kissableviv my H eats dinner on the couch every night too. For essentially the same reasons. It’s usuallt after 9 when he gets home and I don’t wanna be up all night long so we watch a show while he eats.
@rachelsogo we pretty much do what @runsomewhere does...DS sits at the table and eats with us every night for dinner, and we just started enforcing table eating for all meals because I got annoyed with DH for brushing crumbs on the floor the other day when we were eating on the couch and realized...what the eff else do we do if he gets food on his lap on the couch? Anyway, if DS has sat there for a decent amount of time and was well behaved, we'll let him go play but he always comes back to hang out with us. This does not happen that often, usually there are several periods of taking a break because he's playing with his food and we all get done around the same time. If we have big meals with other people's kids and they aren't eating at the table we try really hard to get them to stay put, but I understand if they are younger (DS has an 18 month old cousin) that they might eat at a different time and in THAT case the parents usually swap out entertaining him while the other eats.
I was told it's difficult to get someone to inspect for free in my area and that fire stations don't do that anymore but AAA has monthly free events where they do it so I'll try to stop by. I don't want to pay someone$40 but I'll do it if I really have to...
The CHP will do this as will SAPD for free! I think IPD offers it as well. All you need to do is call their non emergency line to set it up.
I'm lurking from the August board because they mostly moved to Facebook...
So DS is 16m and while we always start in the high chair he sometimes refuses to eat there. If that's the case I usually put him on my lap or let him roam around the table and eat.
DS has never been that great with eating food so for me as long as he's eating I'm happy.
Ideally we'll start enforcing sitting and eating when he gets older (maybe 3?), that being said we do not get up and entertain him when he roams. We still encourage him to eat and stay by the table, we just don't force him to sit.
@canucklehead123 I think it was sometime around 4 or 5 months for us. She still fit in the bassinet, but we got tired of sneaking around her.
P.s. I may have gotten more emotional than I should have about her move to her own room. Me: “It’s like she doesn’t even need us anymore “ DH: “ I think she still needs us a little bit...”
@canucklehead123 We moved DD to the crib in her room at 5-6 weeks. She was only waking 1 or 2 times a night at that point. And her movements would wake me and DH and my movements would wake her. It just made sense for us.
@canucklehead123 with my son, once he was sleeping through the night, around 4-5 months. I know the American Academy of Pediatrics (and maybe WHO?) now recommend room sharing until 1...but a one year old doesn't fit in a bassinet, and a bassinet is the only thing that fits next to my bed. For this baby I'll probably do either until he sleeps through the night (hopefully 8-9 hours, my first was at 11-12 hours by 6 months), or 6 months/when he outgrows the bassinet, whichever comes first.
This was mostly because when I first went back to work he refused to take a bottle so the pediatrician told me to night nurse and DS decided night nursing was awesome and refused to sleep any other way.
It definitely took sleep training but he's in his crib all night now and can get himself back to sleep when he wakes up.
KatyF0813 - a friend had a certified tech tell her that with latch system it's the combined seat and child weight that shouldn't exceed 40 lbs. Is that true?? If yes, I need to switch DD over to the seatbelt in my car! She's 30 lbs and I'm positive her seat is at least 10 lb.
@zande2016 - did they really change it to 1 year?!? Yeesh! It was 6 months when DD was born and I was adamant about sticking to that because I was terrified of SIDs. But I remember thinking that we really should have moved her around 4-5 months and will likely do that with this one.
+1 for waiting until he outgrows the bassinet. I can't fit the crib in our room and I think at that point (5-6 mo) it should be easier for him to transition in a bigger space. I'm not a fan of room sharing after a certain age, but that's a personal preference, DH and I agree on this.
When did you transition from the bassinet in your bedroom to the crib in the nursery?
When DS hit 15ish lbs around 3 mo because that was the weight limit of the pack n play bassinet. I wasn’t ready, but he had no issues with it and actually slept better. This time I got an arms reach cosleeper with a much higher weight limit and am aiming for 6mo because she’ll be sharing a room with DS until we buy a house
@canucklehead123 with DS we transitioned right around 3-4 months. I went back to work then so it made sense for us. For DD, it was closer to 4-5 months. Mainly bc DH is a sucker for her and let her come back to our room when she didn't like the crib at first.
rachelsogo - we have been couch eaters for a long time... biggest regret I have is allowing DD to watch tv and eat on the couch/at her table in the family room. Eating as a family at the table was so helpful when she was learning to eat - peer pressure for the win. Since the kitchen exploded last July/August we had to do a lot of take-out and now with construction our dining room doesn't exist and I'm terrified of the transition back to dining room and no more tv. DD is just 2 and sits ok at restaurants but that's with coloring books etc. Ironically it was as a infant/baby that I felt we would never eat together again because someone would need to rock and hold her at the restaurant or take her outside for a walk while the other ate.
@canucklehead123 - we moved her the day she hit 3 months. @MichelleAG05 they were starting to say a year when we had DD and we just couldn't get behind that...
@canucklehead123 with DS he slept in his room from the day we brought him home. We lived in a trailer and he was only like 12 feet away from us. By the time DD was born we were in a bigger house so she slept in our room for about 2-3 months until she was sleeping through the night. Will do the same for this babe too.
early FFFC, we eat dinner on the couch watching TV every single night and I have zero shame. Our lives are hectic, from the time I get home and finish all the chores, until the time I go to bed, I get about 2 hours of downtime, which includes eating dinner. Also my son goes to bed at 7, and he eats dinner around 5/530, so I am not even home for it most days. He eats at the coffee table standing up because he's a picky toddler and this is how he likes to eat (grazer) and I have to pick my battles. I make it a priority to get home in time to put him to bed every night, but dinnertime just doesn't happen for us unless its the weekend. When the kids are school aged and go to bed later, we will all eat dinner together as a family. You just have to do whatever works for you.
@zande2016 I think it's whatever works for each family and schedule, especially with 2 working parents.
I get to work super early and leave early while DH drops off DD at preschool and goes in later, he also has a longer commute.
I pick up DD by 4 and we play, go to the park, hang out. At 6:30ish I start cooking dinner and she either hangs out with me or watches TV/a movie on her tablet.
DH comes home at 7 and we all eat together right away then play with DD till 8:30 when it's her bed time. If we didn't eat together DH would have even less time to chat and interact with DD.
Then we alternate between who puts DD to bed and who cleans up after dinner and gets lunches and whatever else ready for the next day.
@runsomewhere I do the same as you, I go to work really early and TRY to leave work by 4 - but me leaving at 4 still doesn't get me home until 5/530 depending on traffic, and most days 4 is really 430, 5, or even 6 like last night. My H goes to work later but still ends up getting home before me, and by the time I get home my son is tired and cranky - he's also always been the type of kid who needs his 12 hours of sleep, and naturally fell into a pattern of sleeping roughly 7-7. It's what his body needs so I just have to try to mold our schedules around it as best we can. We take turns, one of us will put him to bed while the other makes dinner. I hope to get a job closer to home after this baby is born so I can have more time at home. On days I work from home I get to feed my son dinner but we still don't eat until after he goes to bed.
@zande2016 i admit we will do tv during dinner too sometimes. There are times where he’s too moody to sit on his high chair and couch+tv is the only way he’ll eat. no shame!
KatyF0813 - a friend had a certified tech tell her that with latch system it's the combined seat and child weight that shouldn't exceed 40 lbs. Is that true?? If yes, I need to switch DD over to the seatbelt in my car! She's 30 lbs and I'm positive her seat is at least 10 lb.
interesting, I’ve never heard that. I imagine it may vary based on the car?
KatyF0813 - a friend had a certified tech tell her that with latch system it's the combined seat and child weight that shouldn't exceed 40 lbs. Is that true?? If yes, I need to switch DD over to the seatbelt in my car! She's 30 lbs and I'm positive her seat is at least 10 lb.
interesting, I’ve never heard that. I imagine it may vary based on the car?
I think it may depend on the seat? I have a Britax convertible, and I’m almost positive that’s a rule for my seat. I remember reading something like that in the manual. I personally can get a way better install with the belt anyways so I haven’t had to switch.
We transitioned DD to her crib at about 3 months, and DS went at about a month old or something. He just hated the bassinet we had so much and slept better (we all did) in the crib....then he started rolling over consistently onto his belly at 3 months old and I was freaked out by that, but there was nothing I could do even if he was still in my room--I was never going to wake up every 5 minutes to turn him onto his back anyway.
ok i just asked my carseat geek bestie: "There is a LATCH
limit. It varies by vehicle and seat. Your best bet is to consult your vehicle
manual in the CRS section (usually adjacent to seatbelts) and your car seat
manual."
KatyF0813 - a friend had a certified tech tell her that with latch system it's the combined seat and child weight that shouldn't exceed 40 lbs. Is that true?? If yes, I need to switch DD over to the seatbelt in my car! She's 30 lbs and I'm positive her seat is at least 10 lb.
interesting, I’ve never heard that. I imagine it may vary based on the car?
Yes it’s dependent on the car what the LATCH limits are, the manual should say, if not you can call your car manufacturer and talk to one of their CPSTs.
@canucklehead123 we transitioned just after 6m and plan to do the same this time around.
@zande2016 commuting is a soul sucker. I'm in the Bay Area, CA and it's awful here. I usually get to the office at 6:30am and if I drive it's 25 minutes tops door to door but I pay for it coming home when it's closer to an hour. I alternate between driving and taking public transit depending on my mood.
I do worry about DD usually not falling asleep till 9. She's up at 6:30-6:45am on weekdays, but sleeps about an hour later on weekends/my days off with her. At this point, it's just what stuck.
@tarheelgirl8 - I'm wondering if it is by car and/or seat. I just pulled up the manual for our carseat and it says safe to use LATCH for children up to 45 lbs.
@canucklehead123 we transitioned around month 2 with DD she had been in a PnP in oir room before then. This time we have the actual crib in our room but will eventually move it back to the nursery once we transition dd to her new room and I have nursing more under control.
@MichelleAG05 and @tarheelgirl8 I just looked it up and my carseat has a 40lb latch limit for forward facing, so I need to switch! But my carseat itself weighs about 26#, so I feel like there is no way its a combined seat and child limit for the weight?
I checked our car manual and car seat manual. Our car manual doesn’t have any weight limits listed, it just says to follow car seat specifications. DDs car seat (Grace 4ever convertible) says FF limit for latch is 45lbs for the child (not child + seat). It doesn’t have specific latch limit for RF, just that the RF limit in general is child weighing 40 lb
Dinner is a cluster around here. DD eats at her table and usually the TV or iPad is on. She is at daycare all day so evenings she gets to watch her shows- bedtime starts at 7:30 so she usually has between 5-7:30 but ends up closer to 6-7:30. She plays with her toys as well so we are not strict on limiting g the tv or iPad. As long as she eats I’m happy. H and I bob sit on the couch to eat and have since we meet. It’s hard to change habits. Probably doesn’t help that DD eats different meal then us too. I don’t do the food fight. She tries new things at daycare and at home sometimes but if she wants to eat the same thing 3 nights in a row then o well.
DD was in her crib from day one being home from hospital. She never has slept in our room. I was not able to breastfeed so I’m sure that plays into it as well.
@tarheelgirl8 I think it only became mandatory for car manufacturers to put the limit in the manual after like 2014? So if your car is a bit older, that might be why you can’t find it. If you can get into contact with a CPST, thyme should be able to look the limit up in their LATCH manual (or try CSFTL on Facebook).
@canucklehead123 Five days. I wasn't nursing at that point and was getting zero sleep with him in there so we switched him. That way, too, I could turn off the monitor until 2am since DH was still awake and had one in the office with him, and get a few uninterrupted hours of sleep each night. The boys will be sharing a room, so this time baby will have to stay in our room longer. My marker is whenever he gets onto a consistent sleep schedule, at which point we'll switch him to the kids' room.
@d_marie_23 I can't remember how old your other kid is? I am trying to decide if I can put this LO in the bedroom with my DS...DS will be 3 when this one is born. I am worried they'd keep each other up! We don't have another room so our plan was to keep him in one side of our bedroom with a divider at least after he outgrows the bassinet, probably til close to 1, and then move him in with DS.
@SmashJam DS is 2.5, he'll be 3 at the end of October. I've had him nap in the room with other babies before, though, and found out he can sleep right through the crying. So y that's why I'll feel okay switching as soon as we can anticipate wake ups with DS2. I know, it feels like kid jenga, right?
@d_marie_23 so that's pretty similar to me! I'd like to have sex again within a year, lol, and I'm worried that the constant rustling baby 10ft away on the other side of the screen might be a mood killer. Before we actually got preggo moving the baby into the room with DS was always the plan but then it seemed like too big an age gap. It's encouraging you have a similar plan!
Re: Ask a STM- May Edition
Thanks for all your input ladies! For us right now we eat all our meals on the couch..rarely at the table unless it's a nice occasion. Once the baby hits highchair stage we'll probably switch over to table eating to make sure we're all there together and start it early on hopefully showing that that's what happens at meal times.
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
So DS is 16m and while we always start in the high chair he sometimes refuses to eat there. If that's the case I usually put him on my lap or let him roam around the table and eat.
DS has never been that great with eating food so for me as long as he's eating I'm happy.
Ideally we'll start enforcing sitting and eating when he gets older (maybe 3?), that being said we do not get up and entertain him when he roams. We still encourage him to eat and stay by the table, we just don't force him to sit.
P.s. I may have gotten more emotional than I should have about her move to her own room.
Me: “It’s like she doesn’t even need us anymore
DH: “
This was mostly because when I first went back to work he refused to take a bottle so the pediatrician told me to night nurse and DS decided night nursing was awesome and refused to sleep any other way.
It definitely took sleep training but he's in his crib all night now and can get himself back to sleep when he wakes up.
@zande2016 - did they really change it to 1 year?!? Yeesh! It was 6 months when DD was born and I was adamant about sticking to that because I was terrified of SIDs. But I remember thinking that we really should have moved her around 4-5 months and will likely do that with this one.
I get to work super early and leave early while DH drops off DD at preschool and goes in later, he also has a longer commute.
I pick up DD by 4 and we play, go to the park, hang out. At 6:30ish I start cooking dinner and she either hangs out with me or watches TV/a movie on her tablet.
DH comes home at 7 and we all eat together right away then play with DD till 8:30 when it's her bed time. If we didn't eat together DH would have even less time to chat and interact with DD.
Then we alternate between who puts DD to bed and who cleans up after dinner and gets lunches and whatever else ready for the next day.
There is never enough time
"There is a LATCH limit. It varies by vehicle and seat. Your best bet is to consult your vehicle manual in the CRS section (usually adjacent to seatbelts) and your car seat manual."
@canucklehead123 we transitioned just after 6m and plan to do the same this time around.
I do worry about DD usually not falling asleep till 9. She's up at 6:30-6:45am on weekdays, but sleeps about an hour later on weekends/my days off with her. At this point, it's just what stuck.
DD was in her crib from day one being home from hospital. She never has slept in our room. I was not able to breastfeed so I’m sure that plays into it as well.