I'm having a day. DH and I are arguing about names again, because I thought we were settled so I was calling the baby by what I thought his name was, and apparently my husband wasn't settled and he got mad.
I guess because I'm still only 14 weeks, and I'm not anywhere near feeling movement or anything like that, I'm having trouble really feeling connected to my baby (or even really excited some days) and it makes me feel guilty and anxious that I'll have trouble connecting to him once he's born. Giving him a name was helping me feel more connected to him and now that he's nameless again I just kind of feel nothing. Just headaches and nausea and like a terrible mother.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
@jsnakehole I understand how you feel. One of the downsides of not knowing the baby's sex is not getting to attach a name to the fetus. It still just feels like an alien invader with no distinct identity. I feel awkward trying to talk to it, because what do you say to an 18 week fetus? "Hey, get off my bladder!"? I'm just trying to take it a day at a time and trust that the rest will fall in to place eventually. I know a lot of women have said it takes several weeks after the birth to really connect to the baby, so I'm trying to not pressure myself or get worked up about it. The fact that you're worried about it at all suggests that you'll have no trouble connecting when the time comes, after all, you already care.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
@jsnakehole please don't worry about not feeling connected to baby. I didn't even feel a connection with DS1 until he was around a month old. It's really hard to feel a connection with a little person you've never met before, I don't feel connected to this baby yet either and it has nothing to do with not having a name. All of the feelings you have are completely normal and you are not a terrible mother for them.
Baby girl is throwing a huge party in my uterus today, I've never felt so much action from her! I also got the boys' school pictures back today and omg they are the most handsome little men.
I wish I could feel as happy as I should about these things but it's like there's a big dark cloud over my head today. Damn my dad for this.
@jsnakehole I definitely didn't feel a connection with DS immediately. I wanted french fries as soon as he was out. So there's that. Lol. We all bond differently with our kids, and none of it is inherently wrong.
I have never talked to my stomach with either pregnancy. I talk enough, they hear my voice. I was weird in that I had no PPD and I adored every minute of those first days home from the hospital where I never showered, never got out of my PJs, barely ate, watched way too much reality TV and DS & I just cuddled all day. I didn't even mind getting up 5x a night, cause I wasn't doing anything else. That's when we bonded. He was so tiny and helpless and everything he needed I could give him. And I had only one role in the entire world and it was to care for him. Life was very simple and magical. You'll find your mom moment, and it's ok if that's not until months after the baby is born. I have several friends from my other BMB who really struggled with PPD and they didn't bond with their kids at all during those first 3 months.
@derbysquirrel I tell the munchkin (we don’t know the sex, so therefore it is munchkin for now) to get off my bladder all the time. I also started reading books. I picked a few I loved as a kid, and try to read to the munchkin at least once a week. Sometimes I feel silly doing it, but I figure the more I do it the more normal it will start to feel.
All valid feelings in not feeling connected! I had a hard time with DS until I felt movement and for real kicks. Even then it was hard to really connect while pregnant. You will get there, don’t be too hard on yourselves! With this one I have DS say hi, good morning, etc sometimes and that definitely helps. I feel like I’m so preoccupied with DS and our day to day that I haven’t taken it all in with this one or feel connected yet. . I’m not researching babybgear, making a registry, excited for showers. I’m just going to reuse a lot of things and what not I kind of feel guilty! I talked to my OB about that today and she said it’s completely normal.
@jsnakehole I completely understand how you feel. I just turned 15 weeks, so I’m not feeling any of the fun stuff yet either. And most of my clothes don’t fit, but i don’t feel like I’m actually ready for maternity clothes either. We picked a name, which helps, but what really helps is that we have a nickname for the baby that we both use instead of her name. Also, I don’t really talk to the baby because it feels silly to me right now.
I am not overly connected to this pregnancy. I don’t know whether I’m having a boy or a girl, I don’t have a name for him/her and I don’t really feel him/her moving at all. But I also don’t allow myself to get consciously too attached, because I do fear the worst sometimes. It was like that with DS too, and although I loved him immediately, I felt like I had been hit by a truck both physically and mentally and it took a while for me to adjust to my new role and to feel totally bonded with him. It’s normal and it’s ok!!! Now, he and I are just connected on a crazy deep level. He is my entire universe and I never knew how true it would be when they say you there’s nothing on earth like the love a parent has for their child. It’s overwhelming at times, how much I just LOVE him!!!!
Ugh I'm so far behind I feel like I'll never catch up! @calimom2524 I'm so sorry about how your dad is being. Hopefully both your parents will come around, and quickly--or else you find a better, more peaceful situation and let distance do the work for you. They'll figure it out, and it's so unfair they're putting so much on you. It's not like any of this was you trying to hurt them out of spite and eventually they should realize it.
+1 to broken profile pictures. Also I am SO GLAD I'm not at work today, or tomorrow, or Friday. Too much craziness for me to handle right now! Chronically short staffed, with a high workload and many constant things that come up to keep me from doing my actual job. The last thing I want to deal with is fallout from what the repair center does or doesn't do, which has nothing to do with the local setup. Nope nope nope!
At dance class now. I love watching her shake her little booty.
But I wanted to add that I definitely did not have an immediate connection with number 1. SO left for a deployment when she was 5 days old. I was so tired and depressed. Without exaggerating, I didn’t feel truly connected until she was almost 3 months old. It was like one day I was all. OMG I LOVE THIS GIRL. With consecutive babies, it’s come much quicker. Usually well before they are even born.
I struggled hard with PPD/A and didn’t really admit it to myself or anyone else. I had all the awful thoughts, felt I made a huge mistake, felt like we named him the wrong thing... basically I was a mess. I don’t really remember when I felt bonded to DS but it wasn’t right off the bat. I wanted to care for him and was very protective but also felt resentful for this tiny human changing my life in an instant. So, all feelings are normal and valid. And hugs to all, this shit ain’t easy.
I finally caught up, must remind myself not to get 9 pages behind again. I think most ftms struggle a bit to connect with baby because they arrive and literally turn your world upside down, but like @dirtanddiamonds mentioned, it seems to get better/easier to bond with subsequent babies. With my first I felt so little connection with her for the first few weeks, even kind of resentful. When my second was born I was in love immediately.
OMG! We just found out that our dental insurance might reimburse us for $5000 of DH's surgery! That would be amazing! All of our savings is wiped out, and that would go a long way towards getting finances back under control before the kid arrives!
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
@dirtanddiamonds OMG I FORGOT ABOUT HICCUPS!!! That's amazing! How far are you? I am 17 weeks today and feeling pretty confident now I am feeling movements every night for the last three nights. Not kicks or hiccups, just that roly-poly flip flop feeling!! Love it!!
@dirtanddiamonds OMG I FORGOT ABOUT HICCUPS!!! That's amazing! How far are you? I am 17 weeks today and feeling pretty confident now I am feeling movements every night for the last three nights. Not kicks or hiccups, just that roly-poly flip flop feeling!! Love it!!
18 1/2 weeks. Her movement just became solid like the day I turned 18 weeks. So, it’s just been an awesome week.
But, even tho this is baby 4, I recently read that it is around this time that their bones harden from cartilage to bone, which is why it makes the kicks more obvious. I never knew that. And it was spot on. I even got one last night from the outside. HAPPY TEARS.
Soooooo tired. Omg so tired. Why can’t I sleep?! Ugh.
its gorgeous out though the kids are already losing their minds. Sounds like the roads are fine but a lot of downed wires and trees - grateful we didn’t lose power. Some other parts of the state are 100% out and some neighborhoods here are out. We have heat and I can make coffee so it’s fine.
Good morning! I'm grumpy cat this morning, back to being up every 2 hours last night made me extremely cranky. So people are coming to my desk for chit chat or to ask about whatever and I'm just like
Getting caught up... @calimom2524 how are you today?
@jsnakehole - can you give baby a nickname that's just between you and your little guy? Something just the two of you share until you and DH decide on a name? It's totally ok to worry about bonding with the baby. Right now is a time of a whole lot of unknown. I'm thinking of you
@derbysquirrel - that's awesome news! FX it comes through for you guys!!!
Can't wait for baby kicks and hiccups! What an amazing way to start your day @dirtanddiamonds!
I hope everyone is safe and warm and the storm didn't do too much damage! Thinking of all of you today!
I've been having a rough day or two emotions wise. I guess it's hormones? IDK. I got super frustrated with myself at yoga and dance class last night because some movements were proving harder with my extra chub and I think I beat myself up unnecessarily about it. Then on the drive home I started thinking about the LO and how he won't have any siblings (probably?) or cousins and he'll be so lonely and then I started bawling.. then I snapped at my husband for no reason when I got home. Ugggh. I was feeling pretty even emotionally until yesterday but now i just feel yuck.
On the plus side, one more day til spring break! And my classes are having a 'food lab' tomorrow which means I get to eat pie and cake all day!
@dirtanddiamonds Love those baby hiccups. Both my boys had them al the time when I was pregnant (and then alllllll the time after they were born, when I liked them less). lol They just sounded so uncomfortable in my outside baby.
In the waiting room at my OB for a checkup. Can’t wait to hear baby girl’s HB. It’s been so long and even tho I’ve thankfully never experienced a loss, it makes me anxious!
We have an IKEA opening by us and I am so excited - it wasn't supposed to open until summer but they just announced it will be opening in MAY! The dresser we will be getting for the nursery is from IKEA and I am very happy I won't have to drive almost 2 hours to the next closest IKEA to get it.
Also, DS's peditrician's office called yesterday about his 30 month checkup. We had it scheduled already with a NP, but his doctor wants to see him. I brought up the new baby to get him/her added to the roster and found out our pediatrician is pregnant and due in July so won't be working when new baby comes. I am excited for her - this is her second and she is having them back to back - but I am also a little sad she won't see baby right away. We really really love her.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
DS had hiccups almost everyday it seemed! I wonder if this one will follow in his brother's footsteps!
I am just hitting 15 weeks and feeling what I *think* are flutters and quickening. I remember with DS I didn't feel solid movement until right at 20 weeks, but I think I'm just more aware of what it all feels like this time around. I can't wait until the real kicks begin!
My appointment yesterday went well and was uneventful. Thankfully she found the HB right away with the doppler this time, which was such a relief since she struggled before because of my stupid uterus. It was the best sound!
I had found a box of maternity clothes in my garage last week and it only had a few items in it all of which are too small so I was super bummed and I was pissed off for getting rid of the rest of my clothes then fast forward to today when I was looking through DD’s baby clothes to see if anything is unisex when I stumbled onto a full box of maternity clothes with lots of things that fit!!! I haven’t been this excited in awhile!!
I bought a bunch of onesies from Old Navy last week and they came yesterday. They are all from the boys section but, if I have a girl she can wear then too. I also got 2 pairs of sweat pants too. I was looking at them and seriously almost cried because they are so tiny and adorable. DH was like "you have bought baby clothes before why are you all emotional?" I told him because I never bought MY BABY clothes before. It just felt like a huge deal to me. Thanks hormones! lol.
Sorry I have been MIA the last couple of days, I had to take a deposition yesterday (my first expert deposition, which is kind of a big deal for a midlevel associate, but this partner on this case really likes/trusts me) so I was in a tizzy about that and then soooo exhausted when it was done yesterday, I think it went really well but it took a lot out of me. I slept for 9.5 hours last night and feel like I am almost back to normal again.
I didn't know you could feel hiccups from the outside, I am such a newb! Baby girl has been squirming or flipping or something in there, I can only feel her when I am laying flat on my back and it is quiet, but then I usually can, and it's the best!
@Brezzy1928 That onesie is so cute (and def works for either sex)!
@hardlyhannah What Ikea dresser are you getting? I'm getting a Nordli one to match the Stuva crib (the drawers match).Have you figured out what kind of changing table top thing you will get yet?
@hezzer78 Sorry you had a rough day, I have had a couple of those throughout but they don't seem to last beyond a day or two luckily, hope today is better!
@mrsbubbles-2 I love Grumpy Cat but I am sorry you are grumpy! I would be too with that little sleep.
Edited bc words.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
@Brezzy1928 my Old Navy order came in yesterday too! Two onesies and sweats for my baby, an outfit for my niece, and maternity leggings for me.
I also ordered one of those Cole and Coddle outfits for DH/our son. DH's shirt says 'You're killin' me Smalls!' And the onesie says 'Smalls'. I think our announcement is going to be DH wearing the shirt and me holding the onesie over my belly.
We'be also decided to call the baby Smalls until we decide on a name.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
Ugh, why do my friends marry such obnoxious people? A friend’s husband just posted “Where is international men’s day?” Along with a bunch of other bullshit. I usually am up for a good debate, but I just don’t have the energy for it today.
@lalala2004 a few of my kids asked that, but they're also 6 and 7 years old and think they're just curious.
And then one of my girls (the same one who asked why there isn't an international men's day) went on a feminist rant about inequality in the 1950s. It was fierce and adorable.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
Thanks for asking @mrsbubbles-2. I'm a little less weepy today but still kind of a hot mess. Luckily my dad is going out of town for work today so I at least have one night I don't have to walk on eggshells in my house. The environment was super awkward last night but at least nobody told me I was ruining their life. I ended up cancelling on SO again so we FaceTimed and it was so good to see his face, I miss him. We didn't discuss moving in together, I really really am not ready for that and I need that to be a last resort. I want to give it a little bit more time at home to see if things calm down with my dad; to be fair I've known and been processing this since November and I only just told my dad two weeks ago.
@calimom2524 this is off topic and maybe a distraction - do you get scuffs in the leather of your Tieks and what do you do about it? Have you ever tried Tarrago Shoe Cream? And Patents are Superior to Matte, yes? I am investing in a black pair soon!
@calimom2524 this is off topic and maybe a distraction - do you get scuffs in the leather of your Tieks and what do you do about it? Have you ever tried Tarrago Shoe Cream? And Patents are Superior to Matte, yes? I am investing in a black pair soon!
Haha I can talk about shoes all day long. I used to get scuffs in my classics but I also think that's partially because I was buying 9s and needed 10s. I used tarrago and it worked it was just a pain to have to do it. In my personal opinion, I prefer patents to classics. They are more durable, I have zero scuffs in any of my patents, and I like the look of them better. Of the two black pairs, I prefer Obsidian to Matte because I think it looks nicer and gives an edge that most plain black flats don't have.
Re: Weekly Randoms 3/5
I guess because I'm still only 14 weeks, and I'm not anywhere near feeling movement or anything like that, I'm having trouble really feeling connected to my baby (or even really excited some days) and it makes me feel guilty and anxious that I'll have trouble connecting to him once he's born. Giving him a name was helping me feel more connected to him and now that he's nameless again I just kind of feel nothing. Just headaches and nausea and like a terrible mother.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
I understand how you feel. One of the downsides of not knowing the baby's sex is not getting to attach a name to the fetus. It still just feels like an alien invader with no distinct identity. I feel awkward trying to talk to it, because what do you say to an 18 week fetus? "Hey, get off my bladder!"? I'm just trying to take it a day at a time and trust that the rest will fall in to place eventually. I know a lot of women have said it takes several weeks after the birth to really connect to the baby, so I'm trying to not pressure myself or get worked up about it. The fact that you're worried about it at all suggests that you'll have no trouble connecting when the time comes, after all, you already care.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
I wish I could feel as happy as I should about these things but it's like there's a big dark cloud over my head today. Damn my dad for this.
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
You'll find your mom moment, and it's ok if that's not until months after the baby is born. I have several friends from my other BMB who really struggled with PPD and they didn't bond with their kids at all during those first 3 months.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
With this one I have DS say hi, good morning, etc sometimes and that definitely helps.
I feel like I’m so preoccupied with DS and our day to day that I haven’t taken it all in with this one or feel connected yet. . I’m not researching babybgear, making a registry, excited for showers. I’m just going to reuse a lot of things and what not I kind of feel guilty! I talked to my OB about that today and she said it’s completely normal.
DS: 5.28.15
DS#2: EDD 8.31.18
+1 to broken profile pictures. Also I am SO GLAD I'm not at work today, or tomorrow, or Friday. Too much craziness for me to handle right now! Chronically short staffed, with a high workload and many constant things that come up to keep me from doing my actual job. The last thing I want to deal with is fallout from what the repair center does or doesn't do, which has nothing to do with the local setup. Nope nope nope!
But I wanted to add that I definitely did not have an immediate connection with number 1. SO left for a deployment when she was 5 days old. I was so tired and depressed. Without exaggerating, I didn’t feel truly connected until she was almost 3 months old. It was like one day I was all. OMG I LOVE THIS GIRL. With consecutive babies, it’s come much quicker. Usually well before they are even born.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
@pghctwife you have all my sorries. Please leave, old man winter.
BABY GIRL HAS HICCUPS THIS MORNING and I could die happy right now.
OMG I FORGOT ABOUT HICCUPS!!! That's amazing! How far are you? I am 17 weeks today and feeling pretty confident now I am feeling movements every night for the last three nights. Not kicks or hiccups, just that roly-poly flip flop feeling!! Love it!!
But, even tho this is baby 4, I recently read that it is around this time that their bones harden from
cartilage to bone, which is why it makes the kicks more obvious. I never knew that. And it was spot on. I even got one last night from the outside. HAPPY TEARS.
its gorgeous out though the kids are already losing their minds. Sounds like the roads are fine but a lot of downed wires and trees - grateful we didn’t lose power. Some other parts of the state are 100% out and some neighborhoods here are out. We have heat and I can make coffee so it’s fine.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Getting caught up... @calimom2524 how are you today?
@jsnakehole - can you give baby a nickname that's just between you and your little guy? Something just the two of you share until you and DH decide on a name? It's totally ok to worry about bonding with the baby. Right now is a time of a whole lot of unknown. I'm thinking of you
@derbysquirrel - that's awesome news! FX it comes through for you guys!!!
Can't wait for baby kicks and hiccups! What an amazing way to start your day @dirtanddiamonds!
I hope everyone is safe and warm and the storm didn't do too much damage! Thinking of all of you today!
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
I’ll just spend the day dreaming about my future solo trip to Target when DH gets home tonight.
On the plus side, one more day til spring break! And my classes are having a 'food lab' tomorrow which means I get to eat pie and cake all day!
In the waiting room at my OB for a checkup. Can’t wait to hear baby girl’s HB. It’s been so long and even tho I’ve thankfully never experienced a loss, it makes me anxious!
Also, DS's peditrician's office called yesterday about his 30 month checkup. We had it scheduled already with a NP, but his doctor wants to see him. I brought up the new baby to get him/her added to the roster and found out our pediatrician is pregnant and due in July so won't be working when new baby comes. I am excited for her - this is her second and she is having them back to back - but I am also a little sad she won't see baby right away. We really really love her.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
I am just hitting 15 weeks and feeling what I *think* are flutters and quickening. I remember with DS I didn't feel solid movement until right at 20 weeks, but I think I'm just more aware of what it all feels like this time around. I can't wait until the real kicks begin!
My appointment yesterday went well and was uneventful. Thankfully she found the HB right away with the doppler this time, which was such a relief since she struggled before because of my stupid uterus. It was the best sound!
DS: 5.28.15
DS#2: EDD 8.31.18
This one is my favorite -
I didn't know you could feel hiccups from the outside, I am such a newb! Baby girl has been squirming or flipping or something in there, I can only feel her when I am laying flat on my back and it is quiet, but then I usually can, and it's the best!
@Brezzy1928 That onesie is so cute (and def works for either sex)!
@hardlyhannah What Ikea dresser are you getting? I'm getting a Nordli one to match the Stuva crib (the drawers match).Have you figured out what kind of changing table top thing you will get yet?
@hezzer78 Sorry you had a rough day, I have had a couple of those throughout but they don't seem to last beyond a day or two luckily, hope today is better!
@mrsbubbles-2 I love Grumpy Cat but I am sorry you are grumpy! I would be too with that little sleep.
Edited bc words.
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
I also ordered one of those Cole and Coddle outfits for DH/our son. DH's shirt says 'You're killin' me Smalls!' And the onesie says 'Smalls'. I think our announcement is going to be DH wearing the shirt and me holding the onesie over my belly.
We'be also decided to call the baby Smalls until we decide on a name.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
And then one of my girls (the same one who asked why there isn't an international men's day) went on a feminist rant about inequality in the 1950s. It was fierce and adorable.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
this is off topic and maybe a distraction - do you get scuffs in the leather of your Tieks and what do you do about it? Have you ever tried Tarrago Shoe Cream? And Patents are Superior to Matte, yes? I am investing in a black pair soon!
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers