@jsnakehole oh not you, I meant your brother hahaha. I'm also going to ask DH this time to have his parents NOT stay with us. Honestly, they aren't good with babies. It took them a good 3 years to finally click with DS. They are "older kid" Grandparents
for sure. They just have no clue what to do with babies and
my MIL would keep going into the babies room and I could see her on the camera
and it pissed me off so badly!
My dad came about a week after DS was born and that was perfect timing for us. He helped so much with getting the dog walked and installed a dimmer in DS's room. My sister came about a week after he left so I had some time where it was just me and DS in between. We also coordinated my sister's visit for 4 days after DH went back to work so I had some company.
@jsnakehole - I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Is this something that you all can talk about and resolve?
@jsnakehole Wow your brother wants both sets of parents all up in their business right after the baby is born? I know some people like it and the help, but just that thought makes me cringe. I don't want ANYONE around LOL My in-laws came a week after DS was born and that was even too much. You need time to get your own routine together I think.
This. The LAST thing I'd want is both sets of parents in my house! Is this his first? He (or his wife) might regret this decision, lol.
I think I would kill DH if he invited either of his parents to come for two weeks right after the birth.
I would kill DH if he invited either of his parents to come for two whole weeks no matter when it was Shitty in-laws over here!
April Siggy Challenge: April Showers
About me:
29 y/o Married 6.26.11 BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14 BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now! BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17 BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
wow @jsnakehole your brother sounds like a real peach. If I were his wife I would be livid that expected his parents to stay in our house for two weeks after having a baby. Nothing like figuring out your new life on top of having to entertain and keep your house clean for guests. I'm sorry you have to put up with this, your brother is very self centered if he can't be happy for you.
My mom stayed for a few weeks after having DS1 but that was my choice and then I had DS2 a couple of days before Thanksgiving so she basically stayed from Thanksgiving to Christmas but again, my choice. Plus it was amazing having her there to help with DS1 while I was around the clock with DS2 because exH was a douche.
We live pretty close to my in-laws and my mom. So they can pretty much come over whenever. I know my MIL will bring food so that is fine by me. I am actually really close with both of my in-laws so I don't think I would mind too much. They both work so I am sure they won't stay long anyway. My mom can come over whenever she wants!
Bah having my in-laws stay in my house for 2 weeks is my definition of torture.
All my family lives in town except a couple of siblings but I honestly don't want anyone in the hospital visiting us like the whole first day this kid is born. Last time I was so tired and my MIL was in the room while the doc was asking medical questions and tried to come in earlier when I was breast feeding. It was super stressful and annoying.
DH is supportive and I told my mom already and she at least understands but I just feel like my Dad and in-laws are gonna fight us on it.
I think I'm just going to tell people I want to give DS time to bond with his sibling and hopefully they'll let it go.
I'm pretty sure my mom is planning on coming and staying with us prior to the baby being born through who knows how long. And she's been talking about how her new job will let her telework almost exclusively so she could come and stay for weeks at a time. I don't know how to tell her yet that the thought of her around that much is already making me anxious. I love my mom, but she and DH can easily rub each other wrong and I think with a newborn we might want more time with just us to figure it out at first.
@calimom2524 she's just as pleasant as he is. She accidentally registered for two Pack-n-Plays and my moms friend bought both. My mom suggested they leave one at her house for when any of the babies are over. They said they would prefer to keep both. I think it's because she doesn't want my baby using it. And they expect the parents to be cleaning their house and taking care of the baby.
I just want my mom to come over, make sure I'm doing everything right and show me how to do things I don't know and maybe watch the baby to give me a break. Not totally take over my house.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
@neeraja_k that sounds so stressful I am sorry you're having to 'fight that fight' with your husband. Such a hard decision to make (moving cross country) without worrying about the logistics of being pregnant/having a newborn.
@jsnakehole I am sorry your brother is being a jerk. Did your mom say if they're planning on following allong with this plan or does she think he's being ridiculous too?
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
When my mom came those first few times after DS was born she packed my freezer full of pre-made meals that could easily just be heated up. I cannot imagine a more awesome thing for new parents. Especially once I was transitioned back to work and trying to balance a 3M old and put something on the table for dinner. My mom is amazing.
@jsnakehole I think you're plan with your mom is great. I had a pretty hard recovery so my mom came over every day for a couple hours so I could nap and to help give me time to eat/clean. It was a life saver.
I'm a pretty intense introvert so having a bunch of people over to my house would probably stress me out without adding a baby to the mix. I'm hoping I can delay the ILs for a week or two, but my MIL is like a rabid monster with babies... I doubt I"ll be able to hold her back for too long.
My parents are probably more relax and chill. My stepmom never had kids of her own, so I'm not sure how comfy or helpful she would be with a newborn.. I imagine they'll want to come by a few weeks after and I'll be good with that.
Most of my relatives were scared of the pit bull we had when DS was born (we had to put her to sleep last may, RIP B!). So that was helpful in keeping most of them away. However, now we have a lab and the most annoying relative of all (DH's grandmother...I call her Fake Grandma 'cause she's fake AF) told me she's going to steal my dog so I guess she'll be over-staying her welcome this time. I was so proud of B for growling at her last time. Hahaha. I'm terrible.
So I'm feeling a little bit better about things today, I'm less "woe is me" about things. My dad is still asking me when I'm making my appointment so he obviously hasn't comprehended at this point that baby isn't going anywhere, but he will have to accept it eventually. I don't foresee them kicking me(us) out but I still don't know what this means for the relationship I have with my parents. I have no intention of moving in with SO any time soon as our relationship isn't quite there yet but more importantly his relationship with my kids is NO WHERE near ready for him to be that involved in their lives. I love SO and I know I want to be with him but this baby was clearly not planned and I'm not going to force our relationship to move faster with each other just because we're going to be parenting a baby. My kids come first and I'm not ready to bring another man into their lives as a father figure yet, their dad may be a terrible husband (and human) but he's still a good dad to the boys and I don't want to confuse them.
After DD1 was born my in laws stayed with us about 5 days and then my mom came for about a week. For DD2 though, since we had the added need for help with DD1, my in laws came for 2 weeks. They came when I was 39w so they'd be there to watch DD1 when I went into labor, which was good because that happened less than 48 hours later. They only stayed that long because they wanted to be at DD1s bday party, but they're super helpful. They dealt with DD1 and cleaned my house, did laundry, made dinner every night, and did yard work, all without us asking. They could have stayed for 2 months if they wanted to. My mom was still working at the time so she just took about 5 days after my in laws left to help out.
Our families live several states away (8-10 hour drive) so when they come they tend to settle in for a few nights, which is fine. They're helpful. My mom is retired now so she'll come down when I'm probably 37ish weeks and stay a month or so to help with the girls and be there with them when I go into labor. My in laws will probably come for a few days after she leaves. Honestly I got pretty bored with the empty house after everyone left so I don't complain. If they weren't so helpful though I'd want to kill them.
This week is going from bad to worse. Since DH feels better today, I kept my plans of driving to Erie for maternity clothes. Almost nothing I had from DS fits now. Went to a dozen stores, and they either no longer sell maternity in-store or they had almost nothing. At Target I bought the only pair of side panel, bootcut maternity jeans in my size that weren’t distressed. That’s all I found. Even Morherhood Maternity didn’t have bootcut jeans with side panels.
BRU was a complete bust for trying car seats. I found out that PA hospitals require us to bring an infant seat to the hospital in order to take the baby home. So now I have to figure out which infant seat will fit in my car. I tried one at BRU that would lock into our jogging stroller, but the base was hanging off the front of the seat.
@melprop check out Car Seats for the Littles! You can message then with your car make and model, budget, what youre looking for and they will provide suggestions!
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
@melprop check out Car Seats for the Littles! You can message then with your car make and model, budget, what youre looking for and they will provide suggestions!
I will also add, and not to scare anyone but we let too many people come into contact with DS right after he was born and at his first well-baby appointment he had a fever and a virus and we had no idea and we spent 5 more days back in the hospital and he had a spinal tap etc. It was awful. They never figured out what it was exactly but this time around, I am going to be way more cautious. Seeing a newborn like that and nevermind me having to spend 5 days recovering from birth and not even have a private bathroom was just horrendous.
@jsnakehole I'm sorry your brother (and SIL) are being quite ridiculous about the situation.
My mom and dad came right after DS was born and they live 4 hours away. They stayed at my aunt's house (who lives about 20 minutes from us). Part of the reason is because we only had a 2 bedroom condo, so no space. Now we have 4 bedrooms, including a guest room, so I'm assuming they may stay a few nights with us this time around? Since this will be a repeat c/s, I will probably have them come about a week after birth once DH goes back to work. This way they can help around the house, with DS, cooking, etc. since physically I'll be limited for a bit. I hope they only stay a few nights, but we'll see how it all goes!
@calimom2524 I'm glad you're feeling a little better today! Hopefully your dad, and mom, come around to everything. I think you are being very smart about your relationship with your SO and your boys and a big kudos to you for that! Just keep doing what you're doing, take it one day at a time and enjoy the baby!
@calimom2524 I'm glad you're feeling a little better too. It's so hard when our parents don't agree with us about our decisions. Can you or have you sat your dad down and explain that this is your decision and they might not be happy about it, but you hope they'll come around and support you? It sounds like from your previous post that you've always had a good relationship with your parents, so hopefully once you get farther along they'll get excited about another grandchild. I do agree that I think you're being smart about your relationship with SO and your older kids. As if pregnancy wasn't hard enough you're killing it with everything you have to deal with.
@calimom2524 - so glad you're feeling better! I really hope your parents come around soon. And life is hard but you're doing right by your kids, that is the most important thing.
Thanks, ladies! I try to do what's right for my kids which is how I ended up at my parent's house in the first place. I had a lovely home in Texas, a great career, an established life, but I had to leave my abusive exH or it would have been catastrophic on my kids (and myself) to be in that environment. Without my parents I would probably still be stuck in that environment so their support means everything to me. It's also probably largely why they're so against this pregnancy, they just want me to be happy and I was finally getting my life back on track when this happened. They don't realize that I'm actually very happy about this, they just see their daughter struggling with some really tough life decisions. I get it, but I also need them to come around.
@calimom2524 I’m sure they will, you just told them, right? They’re worried about you, so it comes from a good place, but not helpful! I know it too both you and your SO a little time to get used to the idea of having this baby, so I’m sure all they need is a little time, too.
Just got my husband's carrier screening back- he's not a carrier! He's a carrier for something totally different but since I'm not a carrier it doesn't matter. We're so relieved. My NIPT should be back by the end of the week and then I'll feel great.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
Our families live states away. We didn't have anyone visit until three weeks. It was a short visit for both sides. This time I'm up for having my MIL visit to help juggle the toddler after the first few weeks. But my own mother is useless as far as help goes. I hate saying that but she is. She did nothing except criticize me and make me feel worthless as a new mom. She can Skype.
Hey, I was going to post this in a stm thread but it's not stm only. We have a Britax infant seat. I'd like to find a "stroller" for it, bit essentially something we only use with the infant seat. I won't need to use it as a stroller. So it doesn't need a seat, just an attachment to hold the infant car seat. Ideally I would LOVE that doona that has wheels built in but can't justify the expense.
Our families live states away. We didn't have anyone visit until three weeks. It was a short visit for both sides. This time I'm up for having my MIL visit to help juggle the toddler after the first few weeks. But my own mother is useless as far as help goes. I hate saying that but she is. She did nothing except criticize me and make me feel worthless as a new mom. She can Skype.
Hey, I was going to post this in a stm thread but it's not stm only. We have a Britax infant seat. I'd like to find a "stroller" for it, bit essentially something we only use with the infant seat. I won't need to use it as a stroller. So it doesn't need a seat, just an attachment to hold the infant car seat. Ideally I would LOVE that doona that has wheels built in but can't justify the expense.
@calimom2524 Sorry to hear your parents are being less than supportive. Hopefully soon they'll get on board and realize you're not going to change your mind about the situation...
I'm so hungry. I feel like I've eaten a lot today, but it's mainly been "healthy" food - like veggies and fruit. I feel like my body must think that stuff doesn't count? I'd love a huge sandwich or some chips!
And just curious, but is anyone else not announcing on social media? Or is waiting a really long time before doing so? H and I made a little announcement post, but for some reason, I'm not excited to make it... maybe it's PGAL brain?
@hezzer78 we aren't announcing on social media. Given the last year + of my life that most of my family doesn't know anything about I'm not about to post anything for them to see. I've started keeping my private life private and it's been super refreshing. My closest friends all know, my D14 BMB knows, and now my parents and that's really all I plan on telling. They'll figure it out when I start posting pictures in August haha
@calimom2425 I don't think I've chimed in yet about the parents. Wanted to say I'm sorry for their reactions and I'm hopeful they'll come around soon! I'd love to not post anything on social media for months and then be like "surprise baby!" LOL.
@lalala2004 yes, that's the only one I'm finding buy from reviews it's iffy if it fits my car seat. We have Amazon prime so I can always send it back. There are no stores nearby for me to test it.
@hezzer78 I have no plans to post on social media. I’m not hiding it or anything so it’s not like I’d be upset if a pregnant picture got posted, but I don’t plan on announcing on there.
@calimom2524 I bet you’re parents will come around and if they don’t before, they will when the baby gets here. No one can resist a baby.
@hezzer78 i'm the same as @amac12999 - i'm not hiding it so if a photo gets posted with a bump then oh well, but i'm not doing a big official announcement either. I am going to do a live video in my SeneGence customer sales group because I want to explain to them why I haven't been wearing my normal makeup, and also think it's important to educate about that but that's the only place i'll 'announce'.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
My mom wants to come out for the birth, and stay for a couple of weeks after. She lives 1500 miles away, and I'd love to have her come help out and be supportive. The problem is het vacation time. She has the time, but she needs to put in for the time months in advance. I have no idea which weeks to tell her to take off! I'm due Aug 6th, so we've decided to try for the last two weeks of August. I think I'm slightly more likely to go late than early as a FTM, and if it comes early I'll have time with the baby and my husband for a bit before she comes, which is also fine. Luckily my in laws are just over as hour away, so they have no excuse to need to stay over for any reason, but are just far enough to not drop in unexpectedly. I love my in laws, but they are more draining and exhausting than helpful.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
My mom wants to come out for the birth, and stay for a couple of weeks after. She lives 1500 miles away, and I'd love to have her come help out and be supportive. The problem is het vacation time. She has the time, but she needs to put in for the time months in advance. I have no idea which weeks to tell her to take off! I'm due Aug 6th, so we've decided to try for the last two weeks of August. I think I'm slightly more likely to go late than early as a FTM, and if it comes early I'll have time with the baby and my husband for a bit before she comes, which is also fine. Luckily my in laws are just over as hour away, so they have no excuse to need to stay over for any reason, but are just far enough to not drop in unexpectedly. I love my in laws, but they are more draining and exhausting than helpful.
Re: Weekly Randoms 2/19
@jsnakehole - I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Is this something that you all can talk about and resolve?
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
About me:
Married 6.26.11
BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14
BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now!
BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17
BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
My mom stayed for a few weeks after having DS1 but that was my choice and then I had DS2 a couple of days before Thanksgiving so she basically stayed from Thanksgiving to Christmas but again, my choice. Plus it was amazing having her there to help with DS1 while I was around the clock with DS2 because exH was a douche.
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
All my family lives in town except a couple of siblings but I honestly don't want anyone in the hospital visiting us like the whole first day this kid is born. Last time I was so tired and my MIL was in the room while the doc was asking medical questions and tried to come in earlier when I was breast feeding. It was super stressful and annoying.
DH is supportive and I told my mom already and she at least understands but I just feel like my Dad and in-laws are gonna fight us on it.
I think I'm just going to tell people I want to give DS time to bond with his sibling and hopefully they'll let it go.
I just want my mom to come over, make sure I'm doing everything right and show me how to do things I don't know and maybe watch the baby to give me a break. Not totally take over my house.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
@jsnakehole I am sorry your brother is being a jerk. Did your mom say if they're planning on following allong with this plan or does she think he's being ridiculous too?
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
My parents are probably more relax and chill. My stepmom never had kids of her own, so I'm not sure how comfy or helpful she would be with a newborn.. I imagine they'll want to come by a few weeks after and I'll be good with that.
Life is hard.
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
Our families live several states away (8-10 hour drive) so when they come they tend to settle in for a few nights, which is fine. They're helpful. My mom is retired now so she'll come down when I'm probably 37ish weeks and stay a month or so to help with the girls and be there with them when I go into labor. My in laws will probably come for a few days after she leaves. Honestly I got pretty bored with the empty house after everyone left so I don't complain. If they weren't so helpful though I'd want to kill them.
BRU was a complete bust for trying car seats. I found out that PA hospitals require us to bring an infant seat to the hospital in order to take the baby home. So now I have to figure out which infant seat will fit in my car. I tried one at BRU that would lock into our jogging stroller, but the base was hanging off the front of the seat.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
My mom and dad came right after DS was born and they live 4 hours away. They stayed at my aunt's house (who lives about 20 minutes from us). Part of the reason is because we only had a 2 bedroom condo, so no space. Now we have 4 bedrooms, including a guest room, so I'm assuming they may stay a few nights with us this time around? Since this will be a repeat c/s, I will probably have them come about a week after birth once DH goes back to work. This way they can help around the house, with DS, cooking, etc. since physically I'll be limited for a bit. I hope they only stay a few nights, but we'll see how it all goes!
DS: 5.28.15
DS#2: EDD 8.31.18
DS: 5.28.15
DS#2: EDD 8.31.18
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
Hey, I was going to post this in a stm thread but it's not stm only. We have a Britax infant seat. I'd like to find a "stroller" for it, bit essentially something we only use with the infant seat. I won't need to use it as a stroller. So it doesn't need a seat, just an attachment to hold the infant car seat. Ideally I would LOVE that doona that has wheels built in but can't justify the expense.
@calimom2524 Sorry to hear your parents are being less than supportive. Hopefully soon they'll get on board and realize you're not going to change your mind about the situation...
I'm so hungry. I feel like I've eaten a lot today, but it's mainly been "healthy" food - like veggies and fruit. I feel like my body must think that stuff doesn't count? I'd love a huge sandwich or some chips!
And just curious, but is anyone else not announcing on social media? Or is waiting a really long time before doing so? H and I made a little announcement post, but for some reason, I'm not excited to make it... maybe it's PGAL brain?
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
@calimom2524 I bet you’re parents will come around and if they don’t before, they will when the baby gets here. No one can resist a baby.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018