The big stupid questions thread

erinh84

I'm stealing this from July. I know we have a lot of ftm's who probably have questions about all things motherhood. We already have a labor thread to ask questions on that front, but I thought it would be a good idea to have a thread for all of us moms(and soon to be moms) to ask any kind of questions we may be having or seek advice from each other.

I'm pregnant with my second and I still feel like I frequently have so many stupid questions. I usually post them in the weekly randoms thread, but I feel like this might be easier for everyone. 

Ask away ladies.

meilay

How long until babies can hold their own head up and stop doing the floppy doll thing? 

lmudra

Depends on the baby.  We did a lot of tummy time on my chest and my son was holding his head within a few weeks.  My mom (who helped raise 50+ foster babies) always commented on how strong his neck was.  Some babies it takes longer, the tummy time helps.  When you start going to the pediatrician they'll give you sheets to check Yes, No, or Starting on physical and developmental milestones which will help you gauge where your kiddo is at.  

Kylieslip24

Agree with @lmudra another factor is probably size of baby's head. Dd held her head up early, but she has a small head. I think it was 10th %.

lmudra

For sure!  My son's head is still below the 15% and he's 2.  

ladylolly89

DS has a big head (currently 96% at 12 mo) and he was holding it up within a few weeks. We started tummy time right away, though, and he has always been very strong. 

erinh84

My son's head was definitely on the larger side when he was born, so tummy time was really important for him in helping him hold his head up.I would say he started holding his head up during tummy time after about a month or so and he was about 4 months when he started holding his head up while sitting up.

tjvan

For those of you working moms on maternity leave, at what point did you start pumping in relation to your return-to-work date?

MotherofDragons

@tjvan I started pumping right away but my son was in the NICU for 5 days and couldn't eat the first day. When we got home I continued to pump once a day, first thing in the morning and just built my stash from that single pump session. 

tjvan

Thanks @MotherofDragons . Did you still exclusively nurse while on leave and then just begin using your stored milk once you went back to work?

kcrocetto27

So excited for this thread. I am sure I'll be contributing questions soon, but grateful for the lurking opportunity now! 

huskermom14

tjvan said:

For those of you working moms on maternity leave, at what point did you start pumping in relation to your return-to-work date?

With my son I went back to school when he was 4.5 weeks old, so I started pumping at 10 days postpartum. This time I'll probably wait til I'm 3 weeks postpartum or so and then gradually start pumping once or twice a day and then add a few more sessions as I get closer to my return to work date. 

I exclusively nursed my son when I was with him and saved any stored milk for daycare or DH to use when I wasn't there. 

JessyKV

I started pumping in the hospital with my first.  She didn't latch well and lost weight.  I would pump and syringe feed at the hospital.  Once we got home I exclusively nursed and usually pumped 1 a day or every couple days.  I went back to work at 4 months and would pump 4 times a day and nurse when we were together. 

With my second I didn't pump until we got home.  I can't remember what day I started but I had such oversupply and strong let down I had to pump a little for relief.  I built a huge stash and ended up donating a ton because he pretty much would only take fresh milk at daycare and I froze the over supply everyday.  

Edit to add - we wait until 3-4 weeks to introduce a bottle and then I let DH do a bottle feed once a week or if I was going out and didn't want to nurse in public or someone Watched the baby.  

MotherofDragons

@tjvan I exclusively nursed until he was about 6 weeks and then re-introduced the bottle every few days (he took a few bottles of expressed BM in the NICU). I used the stored milk for the bottle feed and would pump while he was being fed to replace what we used. 

I had a pretty good stash built up from that and it was helpful to have on hand to bridge any supply dip gaps or spilled/wasted milk (which suuuuuuucks). 

delujm0

I had oversupply at the beginning, which I decided to just live with so that I could get a freezer stash established (I adjusted it down to about even with demand at 6 months, when I had a good amount of excess frozen).  By about the 3 week point, DD would only nurse on one side each feeding.  So if it had been 3 hours or so between feedings, I would pump one side and use the other to feed her from the next time she ate.  I would also wake up engorged in the middle of the night until about 3 months and would go pump whichever side hurt more to relieve it (and then reserve the unpumped side to feed her the next time she woke up).  By the time I went back to work, DD was sleeping pretty consistently from 8pm-4am, so I stopped the middle of the night pumps because I wanted to sleep instead.  But I was pumping all day at work at that point, and there were days where I was literally bringing home twice what she ate (and she ate a lot for a breastfed baby), so establishing a stash wasn't a big deal for me.  I kind of hope that happens again, even though the excess was kind of annoying.

 

At 6 months we went to visit family for a week for Christmas, so I decided to try to go the whole week without pumping, nursing only, to regulate my supply back down to her demand level.  I think I did wind up needing to pump one side on two occasions, but otherwise I did it and it did solve the oversupply issue.  When I went back to work I would bring home about 3-4oz over her demand after that.  But I kind of wish I'd waited longer to do it, because my supply dropped around 7-8 months pretty significantly (probably because I started trying to pump-wean and went from pumping three times a day at work to twice, or maybe because my periods came back at 6 months, who knows) and we almost didn't make it to a full year on my freezer stash, which stressed me out (unnecessarily...because she transitioned to cow's milk with zero issues).  We were lucky and DD wasn't picky about milk at all, as long as milk was getting into her belly she didn't care how it was happening haha.

teacher mom-2

DD had to have her umbilical cord shaved to put an IV in it in the NICU so I never had to deal with a stump. How long does it typically take to fall off and how do you know if it is "looking bad" since they look pretty gross to start with?

mirdamae03

Teacher Mom said:

DD had to have her umbilical cord shaved to put an IV in it in the NICU so I never had to deal with a stump. How long does it typically take to fall off and how do you know if it is "looking bad" since they look pretty gross to start with?

My boys' stumps fell off around day 5 I think. It started to get really dry and then hung on by a thread for a little bit before falling off.

Stankonia2014

Teacher Mom said:

DD had to have her umbilical cord shaved to put an IV in it in the NICU so I never had to deal with a stump. How long does it typically take to fall off and how do you know if it is "looking bad" since they look pretty gross to start with?

I want to say it fell off within the first 10-14 days. I remember them oozing and even bleeding, but recall being told that as long as it wasn't extremely red around the belly button, as if it were infected, then all is well. 

kdanjou

With the stump thing I think it takes about two weeks to dry up and fall off.  If it gets infected you will see redness and oozing.

krex-2

For those of you who formula fed your first...are there really that many differences in bottles? Everyone is saying to not buy a ton of the same bottles because the baby won't like it.  What if the baby doesn't like ANY bottle?!

LMMama

@krex-2 I formula fed my DD and didn't have an issue with her having a bottle preference. From when she was newborn on I switched up bottles a few times to see if there was any difference/if I liked one over the other and she ate from them every time regardless. Some babies are picky but others will take what you give them.  I settled with Avent bottles because I liked their different sizes and they were easy to clean. 

huskermom14

Teacher Mom said:

DD had to have her umbilical cord shaved to put an IV in it in the NICU so I never had to deal with a stump. How long does it typically take to fall off and how do you know if it is "looking bad" since they look pretty gross to start with?

We tell our parents to anticipate 10-14 days, but not to be concerned if it falls off sooner as long as there isn't any pus-like drainage, redness, or heat around the belly button. 

lmudra

@krex-2 we used Avent.  He took to it right away.  Just remember to change the nipples as they get older.  FTM blunder- totes didn't realize that the nipples change as they get older to let milk in faster.  Once I figured that out his feedings were super quick! 

Kylieslip24

Teacher Mom said:

DD had to have her umbilical cord shaved to put an IV in it in the NICU so I never had to deal with a stump. How long does it typically take to fall off and how do you know if it is "looking bad" since they look pretty gross to start with?

Dds fell off on day 5. It was hanging by a thread and probably would have made it one more day, but I accidentally bumped it while changing her and it fell off. A tiny bit was still inside and that stayed for another week I think until it fell out. krex-2 said:

For those of you who formula fed your first...are there really that many differences in bottles? Everyone is saying to not buy a ton of the same bottles because the baby won't like it.  What if the baby doesn't like ANY bottle?!

I think they have an easier time when they start out on bottles. Making the change from breast to bottle can be hard because it's a whole different shape and flow. 

meilay

I'm not sure how to word this question but when did you feel somewhat like yourself again? I know becoming a parent changes you so it's not like you go back to being the exact same person but right now with the belly and the aches and pains, the anxieties, etc. it's hard to imagine when/if I'll ever feel like I have me back. 

erinh84

krex-2 said:

For those of you who formula fed your first...are there really that many differences in bottles? Everyone is saying to not buy a ton of the same bottles because the baby won't like it.  What if the baby doesn't like ANY bottle?!

I also used avent bottles. The ones that prevent colic. DS had indigestion issues and was on similac sensitive, so those bottles were a godsend.  I also just bought a 4 pk of the same bottles for this LO, but that's all I'm getting for now in case she doesn't like them. I think the brand of bottles is really important too. Avent and dr browns have been the best IMO. Maybe get 2 good brands at first and then go from there. Also, definitely make sure the bottles have the right nipple for a nb and then you'll just need to buy replacement nipples as your LO grows. FX that your little one won't have any issues with bottle feeding. Good luck. Hope this helps some.

silliegirlie143

@meilay I started to feel more like myself physically  a few weeks after I had DD.
I felt like I had my body back to myself after I finished nursing.

I have not gone back to my old self mentally because I'm not my old me. I have a new norm. It's challenging and glorious and shitty and wonderful all at the same time.

I absolutely LOVE being a Mom and I would never want to give this up to go back to my old life!!

merrylea

This is my first baby, and I grew up an only child.  In some ways, I still feel kinda uncomfy around tiny babies, like I'll make a wrong move and hurt them or something. Did people feel like the were naturals right away? Did it take a while?

anitamargarita_82

@merrylea I felt very natural at being a mom when Adeline was born.  My husband was deathly afraid of touching or holding her because of all her wires and whatnot from being so little.  I on the other hand couldn't wait to hold her and put her skin to skin with me.  I some days just look at her and can't believe how precious she is and that I grew her inside me.  It still blows my mind.  

LAMCH1980

@merrylea, I had no experience around tiny babies before dd was born. Somehow, instinct kicked in and I was just fine with her! I bet the same will happen for you. 

lmc929

tjvan said:

For those of you working moms on maternity leave, at what point did you start pumping in relation to your return-to-work date?

I started pumping right away because when my milk came in I was ridiculously uncomfortable. I had an egg size lump in my armpit the first day my milk came in and thank god my nurse told me I should pump to relieve some of the discomfort. 

lmc929

tjvan said:

Thanks @MotherofDragons . Did you still exclusively nurse while on leave and then just begin using your stored milk once you went back to work?

This is a yes for me - until about the last couple weeks to make sure he would take a bottle. I would let my husband bottle feed him a few times a week at that point.

erinh84

merrylea said:

This is my first baby, and I grew up an only child.  In some ways, I still feel kinda uncomfy around tiny babies, like I'll make a wrong move and hurt them or something. Did people feel like the were naturals right away? Did it take a while?

I was the same way when I was pregnant with my first. I'm just going to say the thing you're not supposed to say, I never wanted kids(or so I thought) Tw* I had a really tramatic experience with a late term loss when I was 20 and I think I just hardened my heart to the idea. After that, Babies always made me super uncomfortable and most kids always kind of got on my nerves. DS wasn't planned. I got pregnant by forgetting to take my bc pills a few times. I was terrified I wouldn't be a good mom and on top of that I had HG my first pregnancy and I was beyond miserable. I remember crying to my mom a few days before going into labor saying I wasn't ready and I had no clue what to do with a baby, even after all the book reading and parenting classes I took.

The day my water broke, it was like something shifted in me. I remember feeling really calm yet determined. The second DS was born I was instantly over the moon in love and I went into mom mode right away. It was very natural for me and my mommy instincts kicked in instantly. I was honestly so relieved that I didn't suck at motherhood and I have absolutely loved being a mom. You got this. I have a feeling you will be the same way. If not, just give it time and don't beat yourself up. I know having my mom around the first few weeks really helped me when I would second guess myself. 

Edited to add a *tw

lmc929

@merrylea I did not feel like a natural - I wasnt an only child but we were close in age so I was never around many babies. I just took it a day at at a time and figured things out along the way. Babies are resilient  

teacher mom-2

meilay I felt physically myself by week 2. It took until I went back to work to feel more myself mentally (2 months PP). I work with preteens/teens all day and use my brain to do complex math problems with my math classes. I loved being home and cuddling DD, but mentally I needed my routine back (even though it changed with adding DD to it), talking to people who talked back, and to be using the mathematical part of my brain. Believe me, being home with her was a challenge in a different way, but I really craved that kind of stimulation. My anxiety took a while to settle, but yet again, DD was an extreme situation and a very traumatic birth. I think with a typical birth it would have settled quickly like other high anxiety issues I had in life. 

teacher mom-2

merrylea I felt more natural with her once I got her home. In the NICU, I was feeling on edge like I did not know how to do anything because I couldn't help her or even hold her for more than 20 minutes at a time every 3 hours. due to her medical issues. DH said he felt like he was taking care of his niece until she was about 2 months old and interacted more. He said he loved her and felt the great need to care and protect her, but like she wasn't his own. 

Stankonia2014

How do you time contractions? I've got an app on my phone, but do you time from the time you feel it to the time it stops? Or from the time you feel it to the next one? Help!

mombod

Time from the start of one to the start of the next. This is the contractions are x min apart. Time the contraction start to finish. That is the contractions are for xx seconds or x min.
4 min apart for 1 min means 4 minutes from start of one to start of the next, each one lasting 1 mon.

soontobemrsdavis

krex-2 said:

For those of you who formula fed your first...are there really that many differences in bottles? Everyone is saying to not buy a ton of the same bottles because the baby won't like it.  What if the baby doesn't like ANY bottle?!

I formula fed and luckily he drank from any bottle. I had so many different brands from attending various baby expos and he never seemed to dislike any of them. If baby doesn't like it you kind of just have to keep trying different bottles and nipple flow.

kcrocetto27

I've heard that you can have contractions/be in labor for days or even weeks. What is that like? Are you on bed rest? Can you go in and get induced if you can't take the pain? I am deathly afraid of going way past my due date and being in labor forever.

Stankonia2014

kcrocetto27 said:

I've heard that you can have contractions/be in labor for day or even weeks. What is that like? Are you on bed rest? Can you go in and get induced if you can't take the pain? I am deathly afraid of going way past my due date and bring in labor forever.

You can have what is referred to as prodromal labor or 'false labor' which is your body gearing up for labor, and you actually have contractions, but nothing comes of it. It can happen for days or even weeks. I believe the contractions are usually more bearable than active labor contractions and generally fizzle out.

If you're in active labor meaning contractions are more intense, closer together, etc. then generally you would go to the hospital, where they could give you medicine for pain. If you aren't dilated and your contractions aren't close enough together, they will generally send you home, I believe.

I was in labor for a day with DD1, but a portion of that was cervical ripening, starting pitocin, etc. This is the process of induction.