Ask a STM+ (aka the Stupid Questions Thread)

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nmingram said:

Genetic Testing.....Your opinion...yes have the testing or no don't. Also, will they be able to tell what the sex is either by the blood work they will do or at the U/S? I know its early for an U/S to pick it up. I will be right at 13 weeks. I'm not sure what all they do, but I am assuming more blood work and an U/S. I am nervous about this appointment because I don't know what they're going to do.

I thought I was going to run out of blood at my 1st appointment!  LOL

We are doing the first trimester screen with some lab work and ultrasound to screen for trisomies but we aren't doing additional genetic testing that have higher sensitivity, pick up more abnormalities, and can identify sex.  I was offered it because I will just had turned 35 prior to my due date, but otherwise I have no other risk factors.  If had additional risk factor I wouldve

bluejeanbabi05

vvilla3 said:

Question - did anyone supplement their diets with protein powder/shakes once pregnant? I've lost some weight in the last month and food aversions are really taking a toll on my meat protein intake. 
Did any of you have a favorite powder/shake?

I've been thinking of this! Not because I'm losing weight, but because I have major protein aversions right now. My OB told me not to worry about it too much, though, as long as I'm getting enough calories. But I'm still iffy.

canonmom413

@vvilla3 @bluejeanbabi05 I was told by my OB protein shakes aren't great. That in the first trimester peanut butter, nuts, cheese , and eggs will suffice if meat isn't cutting it. You only need about 3 oz of protein a day right now. 

VLillyV

@vvilla3 @bluejeanbabi05 @canonmom413 Eeppp. My OB said that I could totally get into protein shakes. I drink it usually when I know that I'm having an off day and food does not interest me. This has been quite frequently.

If not, I supplement with an apple and some peanut butter or an egg with rice. I have had my doubts about the protein shakes... but I am worried I won't get enough protein without some help.

baker1jm2

Why no protein shakes?? I drank protein shakes almost every day in my first pregnancy and have drank them this time tooo. I use a high quality protein that doesn't have any junk in it

canonmom413

@baker1jm2 my OB didn't say "no you can't have it" just to try other things first through food. It's not like a forbidden item , just a " there are better options. 

mylittleversailles

Are there any STMs out there who are natural redheads? 

I react weird to pain medication and possibly also anaesthesia and there is some preliminary evidence that is genetically tied to having red hair. I'm not sure how I plan to labour at all, but was wondering if you had any trouble? Of course, labour is unpredictable, so I realize it may not be a reflection of genetics at all.

Also, I have never ever in memory been able to fall asleep (since childhood) any way other than on my stomach. I'm also a lifelong insomniac who has gone months without a full night's sleep when things are really tough. Is it possible I may not sleep ever again once I get a bump? Do pregnancy pillows make you feel like you're more forward facing? 

riverrainez

@reneeannemm Fellow insomniac here. The pregnancy pillow might help if you can kind of lean into it -- you won't be flat on your tummy but sort of in a downward facing position. I'm a back sleeper, which is advised against during pregnancy as it can restrict blood supply, and I tried to use the Snoogle to keep me in line but I still ended up on my back half the time anyway. My OB said not to worry about it, and my body would do what it needed to do. I also used Unisom as needed throughout pregnancy to help with sleep. 

NervousNelly825

@reneeannemm I saw this on my fb. I don't sleep on my stomach but maybe it would help https://www.amazon.com/Holo-Inflatable-Maternity-Resting-Pregnancy/dp/B00A6QVMF0

dajocl

@reneeannemm I was born a redhead but outgrew it mostly. None the less, pain medications wear off very quickly on me. I had an epidural and then they had to push all the initial medication on me a second time hours later because it had basically worn off and the button to push wasn't keeping up. Some of the nurses I talked to swore it had to do with the redhead thing. My son was also a redhead and they treated him differently (more carefully) in the NICU because of that. My best advice is talk to your doctor or nurse and see what they recommend. 

mylittleversailles

Thank you so much @riverraine @NervousNelly825 @dajocl

I think I'll take a Hypnobabies or Bradley Method class just in case I go with medicine and it's a bust.

jessafishy

@reneeannemm I did half-assed Hypnobabies self study course. By that I mean I listened to the tracks daily and promptly fell asleep. I always did wake up at the end so maybe I really was under "hypnosis". I handled labor much better than I thought I would so maybe it did something I wasn't even aware of!

I will definitely do it again this go-around.

mylittleversailles

@jessafishy I'm sure I'll be half-assing it myself. 

Another question: Any mamas in large metropolises? I'm in a huge city in a massive housing bubble and we have no intention of leaving our one bedroom until the kid needs privacy. It's quiet, has a massive private outdoor space, more square footage than most houses in the neighbourhood, only one neighbour so very little inconsiderate behaviour, has lots of a storage, is directly on the subway line, can walk to everything we need and has a perfect kitchen. It's a unicorn apartment in Toronto.

Tips? Things I may not be thinking of when it comes to living in nursery-less home?

newtoo

Cythe said:

Should I be concerned that I'm not bursting at the seams of my bra? Everywhere I look, people are talking about how big their boobs are already, and I'm just like...meh. I've got boobs and they're very much like before I got pregnant.

Not to worry. When I was pregnant with my daughter my boobs were sore for the first 8 weeks but then that went away and ever came back. My boobs did not change size even a smidge until she was born and they filled with milk. The only
thing that changed for me was during the third trimester the size of my ribcage totally expanded. It was so painful. My ribs were spreading to make room for my lungs and the baby. It sucked so bad. I had to buy a bra extender for the band. But my cups size just kept staying the same. And the size of my ribcages returned to normal pretty much right after I gave birth. 

keiraanne

natleilynn said:

@keiraanne the odds are in your favor (if that's what you want to call it?) that your labor will last more than 4 hours, especially as a FTM. Mine was just under 7 hours from water breaking at home until baby in my arms and that was considered pretty freaky fast. So I'd have a game plan ready for how you get TO the hospital, but chances are, your husband would make it back in time for you to have the baby. And fingers crossed that  you have it on one of his 4 off schedules

ALSO - you may know it's coming and be able to plan somewhat. DD arrived on a Saturday but I started having mild contractions that Wednesday evening. Completely erratic, but enough to make me take notice. Thursday I was having contractions that were within the 5 minute or so time frame, but weren't painful at all. Friday I had painful contractions, but the timing was all over the place. So DH was kind of on alert for a few days prior that okay, something's up, something's changing. I had DD a week early from my due date.

Thank you! That's great to know. I'm hopeful that we'll have some sort of anticipation. The only hitch to the four-hour drive is that we live on an island and the ferries don't run overnight. Fingers crossed. I know that everything will ultimately work out as it's meant to!

carries2018

I haven't read through this entire thread yet, and keep in mind i have no idea what i am doing as a mother. but here are some things i wish people told me.

1. send that baby to the nursery. no matter if it ended in csection or not. you just labored for what feels like an eternity. you are going to go home in a day or so, and not sleep for months. rest up. the nurses will bring the baby to you for feedings. just get sleep and recharge. i dont care what they say, you are not sleeping well with waking up in a panic over every chirp and squeak that kid makes.
2. blood. there is so much blood. you will be wearing basically diapers for weeks. try and steal as many of the hospital underwear as you can.
3. if you poop during labor count your lucky stars you cleared the system, bc your first poop after is the scariest moment of your life.
4. BF - for most of the women i know it was very challenging. even if you have a great supply, it is challenging. don't pump until after the baby comes. and talk to a LC. but don't let the world guilt you into a corner. i struggled with supply with DD1...breast is best! i wouldnt quit. looking back on pictures of her as a newborn i want to cry. she was so small. she got down as low as 3%. i have a lot of resentment towards TB even, my birth month just kept telling me "someone has to be in the 3%!" "as long as she has wet diapers!"...now i feel like it is my personal mission to spread the word. don't beat yourself up. there is a reason they had wet nurses back in the day. this is an age long battle. do what is best for you and your baby. i'll never forget crying in the pedi's office when i decided to give up after 4 months. she told me "you will have guilt as a mother for the rest of your life, dont let this be one of the reasons you have guilt" and she was right. what i fed them is a blip on the radar.
5. if you have a girl - they can be born with their period...don't be scared and run down the hall screaming for a doctor.
6. basically any worry you have, will all come to you. it is the things you don't even know are a thing to worry about that pop up.
7. you need about 5% of things they tell you to register for. when making a registry add all the toddler things. toys, convertible car seats, clothes. they are a newborn for like 5 seconds. then you have to buy a crapload of toddler things bc their first birthday isnt for 6 more months.
8. FTM put the most pressure on themselves. it comes with the territory, but give yourself some slack. you are doing great!  

feeislove

Anyone here have a family history of factor 5 (blood clotting disorder)?Did it affect your pregnancy at all? For the record, I've called the doctor's office twice trying to speak with the nurse because I had forgotten to mention testing when I was there for my first appointment. Left messages both times. No response yet. *Insert eye-rolling emoji* I'm afraid to google :X

VLillyV

@carries2018 Thanks for sharing #5, I had NO idea that could happen. That might prevent so many of us a heart attack.

jessafishy

@carries2018 & @VLillyV I'm pretty sure even baby boys can have rusty colored urine from mom's hormones. I seem to have a foggy memory of that with DS.

ChocolateIsLife

@carries2018 wow I had never heard of that and I can imagine it would freak me out! Thank you for the heads up! I will be sure to read #5 to DH as well 

shan24

@jessafishy they can. My son had it. I think it's called brick dust urine. 

mommac2017

I'm sorry. But I disagree on the statement of "send the baby to the nursery". Maybe I have an UO here but my hospital doesn't even have a nursery to "send the baby to". My DS stayed in my room with me from the minute he was born, and he didn't leave mine or DH's sight. And I don't regret a second of that! You just had a baby. Yes, you are absolutely exhausted. And yes, you need your rest. But your baby also needs its mommy. And not just for feedings. I am not saying you shouldn't sleep. But if you need extra supports, then call in your SO, or other family/friends who can come and support you in that time so you can rest. I wouldn't have even dreamed of sending my baby to another room so I could catch up on sleep. Those first few hours and days are so important for baby to be with its momma! 

But to each their own. 

natleilynn

@mommac2017 I personally kept DD in the room with me while at the hospital, but I have friends who swore their sanity was kept intact by sending their baby to the nursery. However, the hospital had strict rules about the number of people who could be in the room and the baby did not leave the room the entire stay (unless I had chosen to send to the nursery, of course). So in cases like that, it's kind of impossible to lean on other people to take care of stuff while you rest - I know I wasn't doing much resting when we had visitors. 

I don't know, I see both sides. I had a relatively mild labor/delivery so while I was tired at the end of it, I wanted to be closer to DD. If I had been in labor for 40+ hours, I might have really needed a night of sleep.

carries2018

@mommac2017 well that is pretty judgey. it is up to the mother if they want to send the baby to the nursery or not. and my point was to not feel guilty about that, if you want to. take advantage that is why they have it. that really isn't for you to decide if that is right or wrong. and sorry, second time around my SO was at home with our daughter while i was in the hospital...so no he wasnt there to keep watch for me. what is the difference of a nurse watching over my kid who happened to have reflux and had a few choking episodes over a family member? i'd rather the nurse be watching over tbh. if you dont want to send them to a nursery, good for you.

shan24

@carries2018 I agree that it's up to each individual mother, but I think it's important for women to know that not all hospitals have nurseries, so to be prepared for that, too. Mine didn't have one, so baby stayed with me. I had an extended stay in the hospital. The nurses were great and watched him while I took a shower, if no one else was there, but the minute I was done, they brought him back. 

jessafishy

I don't think anyone should say "you need to be with your baby at ALL TIMES because they need you". I do think you should find out if your hospital has the option to sending baby to the nursery post birth.

carries2018

yes you are right, not every hospital does have it. i am lucky enough to have one that does. and if yours does, i hope you feel comfortable enough to take advantage of it, *if you want to*. I am just not a fan of those types of comments, its no wonder why FTM feel so much pressure. this imaginary bar is set so high, you can't even breathe without worrying if you are expelling too much carbon dioxide. or worrying who is clutching their pearls about you getting an hour span of sleep whilst a qualified professional watches over your kid.

mommac2017

Sorry ladies. I really wasn't trying to come off as judging anyone but I can understand how it was interpreted that way. 

I actually read the original post as being judgmental as well, even though I know it wasn't. 

I'm just saying that if you want your baby to stay with you, then do it. The OP made it sound like "no matter what they tell you, send the baby to the nursery" and I don't think that's fair! 

FWIW, I was in labour for 30 hours and had a very hard labour. That didn't change the fact that I didn't want my baby taken to any nursery (even if it was an option). 

Stupid hormones. And now I'm crying. I really didn't mean to offend anyone. I just found this really hard to read. 

jessafishy

@mommac2017 Don't cry. It was a misunderstanding. I definitely agree that everyone should do what feels right to them. If that means getting a break by sending baby to the nursery great. If that means keeping baby with you, wonderful.

Every birth, every recovery, every mom and every baby is different.

mrs_fogue

These recent comments sort of hit on something I've been discussing in my personal circle and that's the unintended santimommy.  Meaning I don't think anyone was intentionally passing judgment but it came across the computer screen that way.  I felt all sorts of pressure from mom groups and their "do this" "don't do this" comments my first time.  I think what FTMs really need (and what this thread is intended for) are the options laid out in from of them without judgment. 

Edit to add (because there was more posted while I was typing this up) I think we should all give second thought when typing up suggestions.  I don't think anyone was meaning to sound snarky and judgy...just stupid computer screens being so bare and blunt.  It's all good in the O17 hood!!! 

   

jessafishy

Also, I realize "don't cry" sounded kind of condescending. I just meant you shouldn't feel bad for not being clear in your first response. You cleared it up and didn't flip out on anyone in the process. Kudos.

PizzaMonster3

Yes - please all STM+ please don't feel discouraged about sharing your experiences because as a FTM I really appreciate all yalls input! 

mommac2017

I should add that I think my strong opinion comes from so much of what I've heard from other people talk about nurseries. And I know not all of them are the same. But my grandma always tells me stories about when she had her kids and they were kept in the nursery. The nurses would bring her the baby every 4 hours to feed. And then take them away until 4 hours later. She said you'd walk past the nursery and all the babies would just be screaming. And that just breaks my heart!!!! They were probably all so hungry and just missing their mommies!

I know nurseries now are nothing like that. But it just hurts my heart to even think of DS being put in that situation. It was important to me that he was with me right after he was born. 

I totally respect anyone who asks for their child to be taken to the nursery for a bit. i don't like being called judgey. I never meant to judge anyone and I am so sorry if it came across that way. You have no idea how much that hurts me. I never meant to offend anyone!

I need to leave this thread now. I cannot stop crying. 

ChocolateIsLife

Let's all hug it out. 

jessafishy

ChocolateIsLife

@jessafishy perfect

riverrainez

@reneeannemm My city isn't as big as Toronto but it's an urban neighborhood and we lived in a one bedroom when DS was born, and I'd say it was worth it for all the perks (walkable, affordable, etc). Baby will room in with you for the first several months anyway, so you're not sacrificing much, especially if you have good storage. We now live in a slightly bigger place in the same neighborhood and I appreciate the space now that he's 2, but there are tons of city families who make it work! I spent a lot of time on Pinterest looking at ideas for small space living with a baby.

flgirl20134

@feeislove DH was diagnosed with Factor 5 Leiden last year after a blood clot hospitalized him. I know if one parent has it then your child has a 50% chance of having it like my DS,  and if both carry then there is 100% chance. Our dr is sending me to get additional testing and counseling. It's unlikely that I have it since this is my second pregnancy and it normally would have caused issues. It's still stressful. I would be interested to hear what testing they suggest for you, I haven't had my appointment for it yet. 

roo_baby

My dumb question... Everyone says I'll feel better in the second trimester, but how does it work? Do you wake up and one day suddenly have energy and the nausea is gone? Is it more like you start feeling better around week 12 but you don't really feel great until week 16 or so? I'm just past 11 weeks and feeling especially crappy still. 

natleilynn

@roo_baby for me, it was pretty much a magical day.  I can't tell you it was exactly at the 12 week mark, but one day I just realized I hadn't felt bad in a few days and it's like my energy just kept climbing throughout it.  Hang in there, you should be almost through the feeling crappy stage!