So I got some not-so-great news today. Went in for another ultrasound and the funneling in my cervix has gotten worse. Two weeks ago I had a few centimeters of thickness and today it was gone. The funneling goes all the way down to my stitches now. I start steroids tomorrow. Yesterday I was feeling really positive and telling myself that I was totally going to be able to carry to term and now it looks like the chances of that are almost nil. I'm really bummed.
Thanks ladies. I'm still hoping that things stay put from now on, but reality really smacked me in the face today and I can't keep pretending that things are normal.
@CherryBananas I'm sorry, that stinks!!! Are they talking bed rest for you? I am glad that they're doing the steroid shots, that helps so much for lung development!!
The OB didn't say anything about bed rest, and I didn't think to ask until after I had left. They did tell me that I'm doing everything right and that there isn't much else I can do to prevent it from continuing to get worse. In a way I hope they put me on bed rest though. Now I'm going to be terrified every time I leave the house or go up the stairs that I'm doing myself harm.
@CherryBananas That is pretty tough news to hear. I've been keeping my FX crossed for you ever since you brought it up. Please keep us updated and see if you can email your OB about anything that's in your control that you can do (although he/she hopefully reviewed all of that with you at the appointment). Positive vibes being sent your way.
@CherryBananas All the hugs for you. I'm so sorry you're dealing with the unexpected. Keep us posted. I'll be thinking good inside-baby thoughts for you!!
Any advice on whether or not I should say something about being pregnant at my interview on 3/3 for that job I mentioned the other day? Im obviously not big like many of you women, so it's not as obvious that I'm 26 weeks, but it's 2 weeks away and I could be much larger then. I want this job so I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my chance. I don't want to come off as sneaky by not saying anything, but they don't know me so they MAY not think I'm pregnant, just a little more round. I know they can't ask me, but I don't know what to do!!
@jens_hoes i'm assuming you are in the US with this answer.... they can not legally ask you if you are pregnant and you don't legally have to tell them, however, if you don't mention it and you are hired its very unlikely you will qualify for FMLA (which is what protects your job while you are out more than 3 days due to illness) so your job would not be guaranteed to be there for you after the baby comes. So the choice is yours, however, once you start showing.... in most states an employer can fire you within the first 90 days for basically no reason at all. They can just say they don't feel you are the right fit for the job. So even though it would be illegal for them to fire you once you start showing because you are pregnant, they could just say its not working.
So for that reason, i personally would be up front in the interview and tell them I was pregnant. Not to mention you will have to have time off most likely for DR appts and things like that leading up to the baby.
@Jens_Hoes and @BeachMommy2B I was having the same thoughts except I know most of those on the committee and they know I'm pregnant! I work at the same college so I was wondering if my FMLA is still there even if I switch departments...? I have sick/vacay saved hat I have to use for the time off anyways but not sure how the FMLA part works.
Im so nervous! It's just a phone interview but I'm still nervous! It's in 15 min!
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." ~Charlie Chaplin
@Jens_Hoes From another standpoint, I have a friend who has been in HR for several years and she has always preferred that interviewees not mention it during the interview because that way there is no way that pregnancy influences the hiring decision at all. When it has been brought up, it can but the potential employer in an awkward position.
@mcvgal: Those are the best shows! I actually really like them myself, and my toddler truly engages & responds to their questions. 4 pm every day!
@CherryBananas: Lots of hugs and good vibes from Massachusetts!
@Jens_Hoes: I agree with the above, it's sound advice. Especially about the job security thing. For me personally, it would be a game-time decision. I'd see how the flow of the interview went, see where the conversation ended up. See where they think that position would head over the course if the next year, what your career trajectory is, where you'd fit in overall. Especially if there's a cyclical nature to your work (grants, funding, special projects, assignments). (Would your clients be reassigned? That alone might be worth discussing! Because how they handle your time away might turn you off to their management style, or give you some other insights.) Depending on that, I might raise the issue during the interview itself. You do know some of the people in that office, right?, so that's a consideration.... Otherwise, though, I might wait until afterward, and then disclose only after a job offer were made, or not made, if only because I'd want to know for sure that I wasn't offered the job and the pregnancy had absolutely zero to do with it. That's just where my head goes.
@Jens_Hoes I personally wouldn't tell them, dress to show them, but don't tell them. When I went to my interview, I wore clothes that made it look like I was more pregnant and let them assume if it was baby or fat. In the management class I took, we were even advised not to tell the interviewer if we were pregnant because then they can be prejudice against you. If I knew I would get the job, I may have felt bad, but I talked it over with them when they offered me a position. Since I haven't started yet, they can still take back their offer, but I just got the phone call yesterday that I was 100% hired. They were all very happy about it and even modified my training schedule for before I go on leave.
@SKZW responded while I was typing, but to add more to what she was saying, to find out more about how they handle such situations about leave and while you are gone, I had questions for me to ask them about policies and benefits without directly talking about becoming pregnant. For instance, you could ask what happens to clients when someone is gone for a day or a week or whatever amount of time.
@BeachMommy2B@mcvgal@SKZW Thank you for your opinions. its a state job, and I currently work for the county so it would be a different job completely. I would also be on "probation" for a whole year and can be fired at any time during that period. It's a policy position so no clients will be involved, it's more of a systems position. I forgot the FMLA stuff, plus needing to take time off during the work day for appointments. I'm so conflicted!
@vrj0522 Measuring "big" can be related to baby size or extra fluid. Ultrasound can tell those apart so it's one big reason to do it. Induction early or c-section without trial of labor just for a potentially "big" baby *without* a diagnosis of gestational diabetes is looked down upon but people still do it. Lots of mamas get scared into induction or c/s by providers who are worried about shoulder dystocia. I'd bring a healthy dose of skepticism (about early intervention) to the appt following the scan if your pregnancy is otherwise uncomplicated (I'm sorry if there is something major going on - my memory is terrible).
Edit: Words are hard sometimes.
Thanks, this really helps! I don't believe in early intervention unless absolutely necessary so this is good to know.
Me: 38 DH: 36 Married 8/27/2011 BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012 BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014 BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017 BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
@CherryBananas I'm sorry you got that news! I'm sure it's tough. I'll be thinking of you and send lots of positive vibes your way!
@Jens_Hoes I interviewed for a position a few weeks ago and went through the same decision process--so I know it's tough. The advice I got was to NOT tell them, and to not necessarily hide it but not go out of my way to show it. I chose strategic clothing and since they didn't know me and had never seen me before, I don't think anyone knew. Pregnancy should not factor into a hiring decision at all, so if you can avoid letting it even be in their minds (which it seems like you can since you haven't "popped" just yet!), I would lean towards doing that. I would of course mention it after you have an offer in hand, and then you can discuss options. The question about qualifying for FMLA is a good one; am I remembering correctly that this is another position in the same organization? (I might very well be mixing you up with someone else!) In any case, you are going to have the question about FMLA/leave *regardless,* so I would only bring it up once you have an offer--discussing it before that doesn't really benefit you in any way (other than knowing the information sooner), and it could very well hurt you (even though it legally shouldn't). And they may be flexible in ways you haven't even considered (e.g., modified start date, negotiating some sort of leave as part of your hiring package), so you won't know unless you let yourself get to that stage.
And as far as feeling "sneaky," I totally get that and was worried about it too! But the advice I got was to definitely NOT feel this way. For comparison, a man whose wife is pregnant could go into an interview and they would never be able to tell...but legally, the husband and wife should be treated no differently from the hiring perspective. That made me feel a lot better!
Sorry for the length, but I just wanted to share all the great advice I've recently gotten based on being in a similar situation. I hope this is helpful, and GOOD LUCK!!!
Ahh thank goodness that's over! I think it's harder when you know everyone on the committee because you're trying to stay professional and act like you don't know them but at the same time everyone is kind of laughing to themselves or acting differently because they do know you, and in this case know I'm pregnant. Pretty sure they all do or will find out soon from those that do. I didn't mention it and would probably only bring it up if I were offered the job so that I could understand how time off and FMLA would work. Again, since I work close with the office already they know when I'm due and would be out, which unfortunately happens to be their busiest time but they've serviced this long I think they could handle it a little longer!
@Jens_Hoes try not to stress over it too much! I think like pp's have said it will probably be a game time decision on your part and how comfortable you're feeling. Maybe when they ask if you have questions at the end and you're feeling comfortable you could bring it up. But I think you could wait until you have the job offer to discuss everything. Such a tricky thing because I always want to be upfront but I know that's not always right unfortunately in these situations lol good luck!! I'm sure you'll do great!
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." ~Charlie Chaplin
And @Jens_Hoes I just saw others' advice and your update after posting my advice above. Those are all great questions to ask. But I would only ask them after you get an offer--that way, it doesn't have to be a part of the hiring decision at all. If you get the job and find out that they can't accommodate your situation in a way that works for you and your family, then you can make the decision about whether to accept. (And it might give you a window into how family-friendly they are, so good to know for the future.) But you also want to maximize your chances of getting to that point! Another thing that helped me was thinking of the job as a 10, 20, 30-year decision (i.e. assuming I'd be there for the long haul). Would I really want something that happens in the first few months of that time horizon to negate the rest? And they will probably think along those lines too, if they see this is a long-term investment. Obviously, you will do what feels right (and as @BabyMC517 mentioned, you might feel the situation out as you go). Just my continued two cents!
I would also wait to disclose the pregnancy until you have an offer for all the reasons outlined above. From an employer's perspective, they might appreciate that too. If you disclose during your interview, that puts them in the awkward position of knowing about it, potentially deciding not to hire you for a legitimate reason, but worrying that it would look like discrimination. Even if they think you "look" pregnant, they'd have plausible deniability until you tell them. I don't think any of that is an issue because I'm sure they'll love you!
@CherryBananas I think so! There wasn't anything I couldn't answer and I feel much more passionate about that position, so I'm hoping that came across. trying not to get my hopes up and just keep thinking, as I usually do, if its meant to be it will be!
I had the same thoughts that @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot brought up since they do know that I'm pregnant, and can definitely tell when you see me! I'm hoping that it doesn't hinder their decision either way!
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." ~Charlie Chaplin
@Jens_Hoes , not that you need another person reinforcing all of the above advice...but I do agree, wait until you have an offer in hand to discuss the pregnancy. But I also agree with above posters that I would be a tad concerned about job stability without FMLA backing. Especially hearing that the job would have you on a 12 month probationary period anyway. I changed jobs during my last pregnancy at 20 weeks and I found the transition really difficult. I felt like I had a lot to prove really quickly in order to feel secure when leaving on maternity. And, to be totally honest, the third trimester made it very difficult for me mentally to focus and be a star employee out of the gate. It also made my return feel strange because I didn't have a good handle on what I'd be coming back to after such a short period of employment pre-leave. I may be alone in this, but generally, would not recommend switching jobs unless it REALLY is a perfect job for you and one that you feel you could leave relatively soon and come back to after leave with no problems/concerns.
@CherryBananas , it breaks my heart to hear your news. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts--keep us updated and try not to be too hard on yourself.
@jens_hoes I actually went on an interview last week and I did not tell them I was pregnant. It makes me nervous to think that my position is not guaranteed to be held for the entire 12 weeks since it would put a hardship on the organization. I had to take into serious consideration the amount of money I would not be getting paid in the 12 weeks I am off and not having job security.
1. Who is parched? I drank water all. night. long. and have drank more water than I normally do today. Which also means lots and lots of bathroom breaks, ugh. 2. Can we do a hospital bag post?
Re: Randoms and Questions 2.13 - 2.17
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
So I got some not-so-great news today. Went in for another ultrasound and the funneling in my cervix has gotten worse. Two weeks ago I had a few centimeters of thickness and today it was gone. The funneling goes all the way down to my stitches now. I start steroids tomorrow. Yesterday I was feeling really positive and telling myself that I was totally going to be able to carry to term and now it looks like the chances of that are almost nil. I'm really bummed.
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Im obviously not big like many of you women, so it's not as obvious that I'm 26 weeks, but it's 2 weeks away and I could be much larger then. I want this job so I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my chance. I don't want to come off as sneaky by not saying anything, but they don't know me so they MAY not think I'm pregnant, just a little more round. I know they can't ask me, but I don't know what to do!!
So for that reason, i personally would be up front in the interview and tell them I was pregnant. Not to mention you will have to have time off most likely for DR appts and things like that leading up to the baby.
Im so nervous! It's just a phone interview but I'm still nervous! It's in 15 min!
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." ~Charlie Chaplin
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
@CherryBananas: Lots of hugs and good vibes from Massachusetts!
@Jens_Hoes: I agree with the above, it's sound advice. Especially about the job security thing. For me personally, it would be a game-time decision. I'd see how the flow of the interview went, see where the conversation ended up. See where they think that position would head over the course if the next year, what your career trajectory is, where you'd fit in overall. Especially if there's a cyclical nature to your work (grants, funding, special projects, assignments). (Would your clients be reassigned? That alone might be worth discussing! Because how they handle your time away might turn you off to their management style, or give you some other insights.) Depending on that, I might raise the issue during the interview itself. You do know some of the people in that office, right?, so that's a consideration.... Otherwise, though, I might wait until afterward, and then disclose only after a job offer were made, or not made, if only because I'd want to know for sure that I wasn't offered the job and the pregnancy had absolutely zero to do with it. That's just where my head goes.
@SKZW responded while I was typing, but to add more to what she was saying, to find out more about how they handle such situations about leave and while you are gone, I had questions for me to ask them about policies and benefits without directly talking about becoming pregnant. For instance, you could ask what happens to clients when someone is gone for a day or a week or whatever amount of time.
Thank you for your opinions. its a state job, and I currently work for the county so it would be a different job completely. I would also be on "probation" for a whole year and can be fired at any time during that period. It's a policy position so no clients will be involved, it's more of a systems position.
I forgot the FMLA stuff, plus needing to take time off during the work day for appointments. I'm so conflicted!
Married 8/27/2011
BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012
BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w
BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014
BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d
BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017
BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
Married 8/27/2011
BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012
BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w
BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014
BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d
BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017
BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
#1 DD Aug 2014 @39weeks via CS
#2 Due May 2,2017 hopeful VBAC
@Jens_Hoes I interviewed for a position a few weeks ago and went through the same decision process--so I know it's tough. The advice I got was to NOT tell them, and to not necessarily hide it but not go out of my way to show it. I chose strategic clothing and since they didn't know me and had never seen me before, I don't think anyone knew. Pregnancy should not factor into a hiring decision at all, so if you can avoid letting it even be in their minds (which it seems like you can since you haven't "popped" just yet!), I would lean towards doing that. I would of course mention it after you have an offer in hand, and then you can discuss options. The question about qualifying for FMLA is a good one; am I remembering correctly that this is another position in the same organization? (I might very well be mixing you up with someone else!) In any case, you are going to have the question about FMLA/leave *regardless,* so I would only bring it up once you have an offer--discussing it before that doesn't really benefit you in any way (other than knowing the information sooner), and it could very well hurt you (even though it legally shouldn't). And they may be flexible in ways you haven't even considered (e.g., modified start date, negotiating some sort of leave as part of your hiring package), so you won't know unless you let yourself get to that stage.
And as far as feeling "sneaky," I totally get that and was worried about it too! But the advice I got was to definitely NOT feel this way. For comparison, a man whose wife is pregnant could go into an interview and they would never be able to tell...but legally, the husband and wife should be treated no differently from the hiring perspective. That made me feel a lot better!
Sorry for the length, but I just wanted to share all the great advice I've recently gotten based on being in a similar situation. I hope this is helpful, and GOOD LUCK!!!
@Jens_Hoes try not to stress over it too much! I think like pp's have said it will probably be a game time decision on your part and how comfortable you're feeling. Maybe when they ask if you have questions at the end and you're feeling comfortable you could bring it up. But I think you could wait until you have the job offer to discuss everything. Such a tricky thing because I always want to be upfront but I know that's not always right unfortunately in these situations lol good luck!! I'm sure you'll do great!
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." ~Charlie Chaplin
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
I had the same thoughts that @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot brought up since they do know that I'm pregnant, and can definitely tell when you see me! I'm hoping that it doesn't hinder their decision either way!
"A day without laughter is a day wasted." ~Charlie Chaplin
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
@CherryBananas , it breaks my heart to hear your news. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts--keep us updated and try not to be too hard on yourself.
2. Can we do a hospital bag post?
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
do you mamas have any recommendations for detangler? Preferably more natural ingredients... DDs hair is so curly and gets tangled so easily!
#1 DD Aug 2014 @39weeks via CS
#2 Due May 2,2017 hopeful VBAC