I'm one of 5, but there's a large gap. My mom had my little sister when she was 39 and although she'll tell you she was more tired for the early years then she was when having a child at 21 and 29 etc. she will also tell you that it's kept her young. Especially now that my sisters a teen. Lol
I have had a very easy pregnancy, but I honestly can't imagine being pregnant again. I've hated it since day one. My husband talks about "the next one" sometimes and I'll just say, "honey, let me get through this one first." I like the idea of a second kid, but I hate the idea of going through a second pregnancy. That, combined with the fact that we are relatively old first-time parents (I'm 33 and he's 39) makes me feel pretty sure that we'll be OAD. But I also agree with PP that even talking about it now is kind of pointless. I don't know how I'm going to feel in two or three years, so I'll deal with it when the time comes. For now, I'm overwhelmed enough. I have to take things one step at a time.
@NiceyMeany thank you for saying out loud what I feel about pregnancy but have just been dancing around. I hate it too. I kind of knew I would but I want the end product so much that I am doing my best. I am so grateful it's been a healthy one and love my son to death already but I still don't like the actual pregnancy process one bit. My MW asked last appointment if I was enjoying my pregnancy and I felt like such an ass when I just kind of shrugged, given that she sees plenty of women with real problems in her workday who would kill for my pregnancy.
I actually came here to ask a question, prompted by an awesome pair of winter boots. If my feet are going to grow, would that have happened already or is it still a possibility?
@Xstatic3333 I think it's still possible. Mine grew but just a little so I still fit the shoes I had before but now need to buy a half size up. I never noticed until I went to buy my first pair post baby.
@FreshBakedBrownies I am truly in awe that you and your family persevered through 7 rounds of IVF. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. Youre amazing!
@NiceyMeany thank you for saying out loud what I feel about pregnancy but have just been dancing around. I hate it too. I kind of knew I would but I want the end product so much that I am doing my best. I am so grateful it's been a healthy one and love my son to death already but I still don't like the actual pregnancy process one bit. My MW asked last appointment if I was enjoying my pregnancy and I felt like such an ass when I just kind of shrugged, given that she sees plenty of women with real problems in her workday who would kill for my pregnancy.
This made me think back to being pregnant with our first. I didn't hate being pregnant, but I didn't really enjoy it. I was young and just wanted to fit back into my clothes. I was very excited to be becoming a mom, even though it was way earlier than I would have wanted. But then my husband was set on only having two and begged me to get my tubes tied immediately following the birth of number two. (I said noway never gonna happen) Back then, being pregnant with what I thought was my last baby, I soaked it all in. I loved every minute of it. It was an easy pregnancy, but I remember how sad I was when the due date was getting close. I showed off my bump every chance I got, and I was sad that I wouldn't ever be pregnant again. I just wanted to show that even though some of you FTM might be miserable and not like it now, you might change your mind once you have your baby and the conversation of having more comes up again in the future.
That's a really good point @kswiger06! H and I are definitely both open to changing our mind once we're actually parenting and see how it goes. It's so hard to predict how we'll react to such a massive life change.
@Xstatic3333 I don't know why it suddenly popped in my head, I guess it's how you worded it. But I definitely remember not actually enjoying pregnancy number 1, but being over the moon, in the clouds with number 2
I don't think MIL ever came over to help with DD when she was born. My mom came up for about a week and we had a blast. I think she helped clean but mostly she was just a lot of company for me while I was at home with DD. I think DD was about 3w old or so when she came so we had some time to ourselves, but that was only because she was sick and didn't want to bring her germs around the newborn.
As for how many we want, we were undecided. Financially, we were holding off on more. We had our loss Sept. '15 and that's when I knew in my heart I wanted at least one more. This past spring I had weird unexplained episodes that had us doubting again if it would be wise to have another. There was just so much going on, we didn't have a diagnoses, and had no clue how to stop the episodes. We ended up getting pregnant shortly after my last episode & from what the doctors can tell, our surprise baby may have "reset" my hormones which stopped the episodes. I haven't had one since. It's going to be up in the air as to whether or not I have them again once I have DD2 so there's no way for us to know how many we want. We swore up and down that we were going to be OAD, but as time went on I got baby fever again.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
I have a question. With DD's birth, DH's cousin came to see her and hold her. She was holding her kind of upright, but not really supporting her head. She let her head fall back and it freaked me out so bad (I had pre-e & had trouble with BP after birth. This incident caused it to spike quite a bit). I told DH that this time, I don't want her holding the new baby at all. DH said "Fine, but if that's what you want then you're going to need to say something about it." Am I being over dramatic by not wanting her to hold this new baby as well? Is there a nice way I could keep the baby to myself if she does come to visit? I feel like such a bish for not wanting her to hold her, but it's been four years after DD was born and DH's family still brings up that story because it freaked out everyone that was in the room at the time.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
@Aussie45 I completely understand not feeling comfortable with her holding your new little one. For me, I'm somewhat of an easy going pushover, but when it comes to people holding my newborn, I'm a stickler. I expect everybody to be sitting, regardless of age. And if they act uneasy, or unconfident in doing it, I or my husband (or someone I trust) stays close by. Also if the baby's neck isn't supported well, I say something. I'll generally say it in a nice tone but it would be like "Oops! His/her head is flopping" if that doesn't work I get more blunt like "you need to hold them like this" and physically adjust the baby. I've offended a few people before, but it's my baby, and they didn't show the confidence or common sense to leave me comfortable. My mom once asked if she could take a picture of my dad holding one of our kids, and when I said yes, she said "Jay go sit in that chair." Lol people will adjust to what you want over time.
@kswiger06 That's a good point. I know I should try that, but I'm worried I won't be able to speak up enough to keep her safe. Obviously, nothing happened with DD other than me getting scared, but still. I think that's a good idea though, having everyone sit down with the baby and not stand. I can at the very least do that!
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
@Aussie45 my mil had 2 kids of her own, she acted like she was a pro, and then she acted so excited about our first because he was going to be her first grand baby. But the first time I saw her hold him, it scared the crap out of me. She was stiff and awkward, she didn't cradle his head very well and I was like nope, doesn't matter who they are or how old, they will be sitting and I will be watching, and I've kept the same rule for number 2 and now will be for number 3 lol oh and it might help also, to have a pass rule. Like in the hospital my husband will pass the baby to someone, then he will take the baby back. Then he will move to someone else to pass the baby. He asks "which side?" Then he lays the baby in their arms, it helps keep people from trying to keep baby up verticle, which helps from worrying about the baby's head being supported.
@kswiger06 That's exactly how she acted, just like a pro and she knew what she was doing when in reality she was so awkward with her! She said she had a cousin who had a 3mo old who loved her & always wanted to be held by her. Maybe that was where she went wrong, expecting that a newborn could hold her head like a 3mo old? Either way, I about had a heart attack when that happened.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
@Aussie45 as a FTM, I don't have much to contribute, but I can tell you that this LO means more to me than an adult's hurt feelings, so I personally wouldn't hesitate to offend the crap out of someone if they were being incompetent. If something happened to that kiddo, I'm the one who has to deal with it, not the person who caused the injury.
@Aussie45 that makes me a little angry that your husband won't be willing to say something to his cousin.
Maybe not accuse her of anything, but tell her the pediatrician said baby has especially weak neck muscles. (Like any newborn, duh!) But say the doctor recommended all visitors sit down when holding the baby and take extra care to support her neck until her next checkup. Then it won't feel like you're criticizing her, just following the doctor's recommendations.
@FreshBakedBrownies I am truly in awe that you and your family persevered through 7 rounds of IVF. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. Youre amazing!
They were very difficult years of our life, for sure. But I'm not amazing. It was just our only hope to be biological parents, and we were young and not ready to give up that dream.
We love our son more than anything. My heart breaks for those not as lucky as us, that weren't ever able to have their child.
@FreshBakedBrownies I am truly in awe that you and your family persevered through 7 rounds of IVF. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. Youre amazing!
They were very difficult years of our life, for sure. But I'm not amazing. It was just our only hope to be biological parents, and we were young and not ready to give up that dream.
We love our son more than anything. My heart breaks for those not as lucky as us, that weren't ever able to have their child.
I think you're pretty amazing too. It's not always what you go through, but how you handle it and the way you feel for other people. There's a lot of things that can make you amazing.
@Aussie45 that makes me a little angry that your husband won't be willing to say something to his cousin.
Maybe not accuse her of anything, but tell her the pediatrician said baby has especially weak neck muscles. (Like any newborn, duh!) But say the doctor recommended all visitors sit down when holding the baby and take extra care to support her neck until her next checkup. Then it won't feel like you're criticizing her, just following the doctor's recommendations.
It irritated me too. I don't think he wants to cause confrontation with her, which is weird, but he's kind of like that with family. With other people, he has NO problem with confrontation or being upfront. Obviously, it's something that bothers me enough that I remember it from my first baby and am concerned about it 8w prior, but I want to try to be as tactful as I can with her. She's really sensitive about family stuff and feels like she's the black sheep of the family even though she purposely makes rude comments and does things that makes other people want to distant themselves from her. Like @Patience7150 said, it's really more about my baby's safety and the fact that if something does happen then WE will be the ones taking care of the issue. I would feel way more guilty after that fact, knowing that I could've done something, but I wanted to spare her feelings.
Why is interacting with family so hard? Lol.
BFP #1: DD born on 08.25.12
BFP #2: 09/08/15 miscarried at 6w
BFP #3: DD2 born on 02.07.17
@Aussie45, I don't think I would bring up last time, I would just make sure whoever might hand her the baby just asks her to sit down and reminds her to support the neck. I don't think you should worry about offending anyone. You could even laugh it off and say, we forgot how floppy they are as newborns, its so hard to remember they can't even support their heads yet!
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
@Aussie45 I'm a FTM, but I like Kswiger's blanket rules setup - no one can be offended if you treat them all the same. Plus, you have to feel comfortable with the situation, not them. I would not bring up last time, but I would take steps to prevent it this time!
ETA: Ok, no one should be offended. Some people will be regardless.
Question: Does anyone have experience with asking for FMLA reduced schedule? Would I have to ask my doctor about it, or just call the FMLA line directly?
I am trying to decide if I should look into it. I have been talking to my boss about letting me work from home even one day a week, but that has been over 2 weeks now and they have done nothing. My back kills by the end of the day, so I've tried several different of the back cushions, the balance ball, stretches, getting up frequently, etc. Nothing is really helping, and it boils down to spending less time stuck at this desk.
I don't know if they call them, they would even approve it. I'm just trying to figure out what my options are. My back is just killing me, and I've got 9 weeks left even if I went right on my due date.
@WinchesterGirl I think you would have to get something from your doctor. WFH wouldn't really be FMLA because for FMLA you are off work. You can work part time and use FMLA leave to fill in the gap but if you need all 12 weeks for that after birth keep in mind you will run out.If you have or can get a list of duties from work and bring it in to your doctor and have them notate what things you can't do such as sitting at your desk for long periods of time you could ask for WFH as an accommodation.
@WinchesterGirl your doctor can write you a note to be on a modified work schedule and if you have a job where you can WFM they have to let you or start your STD early.
I'm a FTM so over the weekend we got our car seat inspected by the fire department. It was super helpful. My DH had installed the base for our travel system correctly, but it could be tighter. The fireman also mentioned to me not to have a mirror on the car seat/back seat of the car or dangly things on the handle because they haven't been crash tested and could be a driver distraction. He also mentioned fastening loose seat belts so they don't fly around during a crash.
Do you use mirrors? Do you give baby anything to play with/look at in the car? Also, sudden panic attack about having a baby in February and keeping him warm. I know no puffy jackets under the straps, but is a blanket covering the car seat enough or should I really buy a car seat cover that attaches to the car seat because it's been crash tested?
Not sure if this is the right place, but at my appointment last week, the doctor said baby was measuring a week ahead. What, exactly, does that mean? He said it's just about growth and doesn't affect the delivery date or anything, and there's nothing I should be doing differently, but it's still kind of confusing to me how the baby can be measuring ahead yet the due date stays the same...
@die frau you could just be having a bigger baby or it could have had a spurt earlier but just because it's bigger on the outside doesn't mean it's insides are a week ahead too. I've been measuring a week ahead since like 11 weeks but know my exact date of transfer.
@purplewriter I'm really anti mirrors even though I'm in the minority here. But a blanket is nbd. Getting hit with a blanket in an accident is the least of your concerns.
@PerraSucia@TeacherMom2517 thanks! that helps me make sense of it... i just wasnt understanding when i was talking to the doctor about it. very likely could be pregnancy brain...
So I'm trying to avoid buying any more maternity stuff, or at least keeping it to a minimum. With that being said, what did you wear after the baby?! It all of a sudden hit me I won't go into my old stuff and some of my maternity stuff might (hopefully!) be too big. I'm wondering if I should start looking for flowy non maternity tops with the post Christmas sales.
Duh, just realized they have nursing sections in clothing. That would have probably been something to look into! I was thinking it was bras, not actual tops. Someone did tell me the side panel maternity jeans are good for after baby too. Not sure if jeans of any kind will be coming out with any regularity. I'm thinking leggings and sweatpants too!
I like American apparel deep V shirts and the H&m scoop neck maternity tanks I can pull my boobs out of. This is the first time I've ever bought the shirts that have a pull up layer because I went nuts on the Chinese counterfeit site
@leslie1331 immediately after baby, I live in yoga pants or something similar. But if you need to go out and you're in between maternity and regular clothes, that rubber band trick might work for your jeans. And shirts, I always just wore my looser fitting tops to try and hide the swollen belly. This time I'm planning on getting a few nursing tops/dresses.
@leslie1331 yeah get nursing tanks and nursing bras with tanks are good too. I didn't wear a shirt with a neck for like a year. I had a looser pair of jeans that fit within a couple weeks. That won't necessarily happen again but you never know.
Re: Ask a STM December edition
I actually came here to ask a question, prompted by an awesome pair of winter boots. If my feet are going to grow, would that have happened already or is it still a possibility?
As for how many we want, we were undecided. Financially, we were holding off on more. We had our loss Sept. '15 and that's when I knew in my heart I wanted at least one more. This past spring I had weird unexplained episodes that had us doubting again if it would be wise to have another. There was just so much going on, we didn't have a diagnoses, and had no clue how to stop the episodes. We ended up getting pregnant shortly after my last episode & from what the doctors can tell, our surprise baby may have "reset" my hormones which stopped the episodes. I haven't had one since. It's going to be up in the air as to whether or not I have them again once I have DD2 so there's no way for us to know how many we want. We swore up and down that we were going to be OAD, but as time went on I got baby fever again.
Maybe not accuse her of anything, but tell her the pediatrician said baby has especially weak neck muscles. (Like any newborn, duh!) But say the doctor recommended all visitors sit down when holding the baby and take extra care to support her neck until her next checkup. Then it won't feel like you're criticizing her, just following the doctor's recommendations.
They were very difficult years of our life, for sure. But I'm not amazing. It was just our only hope to be biological parents, and we were young and not ready to give up that dream.
We love our son more than anything. My heart breaks for those not as lucky as us, that weren't ever able to have their child.
Why is interacting with family so hard? Lol.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17
ETA: Ok, no one should be offended. Some people will be regardless.
I am trying to decide if I should look into it. I have been talking to my boss about letting me work from home even one day a week, but that has been over 2 weeks now and they have done nothing. My back kills by the end of the day, so I've tried several different of the back cushions, the balance ball, stretches, getting up frequently, etc. Nothing is really helping, and it boils down to spending less time stuck at this desk.
I don't know if they call them, they would even approve it. I'm just trying to figure out what my options are. My back is just killing me, and I've got 9 weeks left even if I went right on my due date.
Do you use mirrors? Do you give baby anything to play with/look at in the car? Also, sudden panic attack about having a baby in February and keeping him warm. I know no puffy jackets under the straps, but is a blanket covering the car seat enough or should I really buy a car seat cover that attaches to the car seat because it's been crash tested?
@purplewriter I'm really anti mirrors even though I'm in the minority here. But a blanket is nbd. Getting hit with a blanket in an accident is the least of your concerns.