February 2017 Moms

Ask a STM December edition

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Re: Ask a STM December edition

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  • catiecatpcatiecatp member
    edited December 2016
    My mom is planning to come the week before I'm due and staying 3-4 weeks after baby is born - DH is technically here on a visitor's visa so he'll be at home with baby and me, and then at home with baby without me. I'm not sure how I feel about my mom being here so long, but we'll see. She's the helpful type of mom I suppose - and she knows that I'll take what I want from her advice and ignore what I don't want - she's 100% ok with that. I haven't seen her in person for over a year, which is really strange for us (normally 2-4x per year even with huge distances) so I think it will be good for both of us. She and I can also just sit in the same room and talk or not talk - knit or not knit - pre baby so I don't feel like I have to entertain her. Thankfully we'll be in our new home by that point, I don't know what I could handle in our current condo. MIL and stepFIL will come at some point - but we're still figuring out when - it can't overlap with my mom because we only have 1 spare bed. This is their 1st grandchild...

    We're not sure what to do about the hospital part - she won't have a car, and even if she did she hates driving in big cities. But she's also older (74) and I don't know if a night on hospital chairs will be good for her. We're thinking that DH popping home to pick her up after baby is born is the best plan. 

    EDIT - sorry - I hit post before I think things through... This is our first, I'm just sharing what our plans are...
    ---TW BFP and MC mentioned - scroll down past the Lilo and Stitch gif to avoid ---




    Me: 33 & DH: 33
    Married: 07/2006
    TTC: 10/2015
    BFP #1: 11/2015, MC 12/2015 (7 weeks)
    BFP #2: 06/2016, EDD 2/15/2017



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  • @LivingLaVidaGinger being an only child made me want to have more than one kid. As much as was able to experience being an only child, I really wish I had a sibling and want to give that to this baby. Now, I always thought I'd end up with 4 but after this unexpected pregnancy I think I would be okay with 2. 4 seems like a lot financially and I want to be able to have both my fiancé and I able to spend time with the kids as a family and not just constantly working to provide for them.
  • H and I definitely want more kids, although how many is still our debate. He wants 2, I want 3. H is pretty dead set on trying to pay for our kids college 100%, where I'm ok if we help them the best we can and they have to have some loans. That basically comes down to the way each of us was raised. Regardless, we both said we will re-evaluate after each child before making our final decision. We will see how this first one goes!
  • I'm so glad I'm not the only OAD person! I feel like it's often looked down on. It's very interesting to hear everyone's plans and the rationales behind them. 
  • FTM, and we're totally split on if we're done or not. We want(ed) two. Parts of the pregnancy have been so much better than I expected, but the trapped-feeling fear of complications has been worse than I thought. I'm with @MLRocha on the complications anxiety. For me it's epilepsy meds and diabetes. We had all the screenings for the things that I risk doing to him, and everything has come back perfect. There have been a few worries, but really it's been amazing. Somehow that hasn't helped. It still feels like last May I irresponsibly rolled a baby through a landmine and idly hoped he didn't hit anything. It could be PGAL, it could be hormones, who knows. I really hope I can take 2 or so years, a few deep breaths, and do this again. Less anxiously :) 
    Me: 31  H: 32
    Married: 10/10
    EDD: 8/27/16  MMC 1/16
    Rainbow Boy: 2/04/17
    TTC: 4/18 BFP: 1/2/19
    EDD: 9/6/19
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  • We initially talked about wanting 2. But by the time this one is here, I'll be 37 and H will be 1 month shy of 40. I would definitely want at least a couple years between kiddos, and based on how crappy this pregnancy has been for me, I feel like I might be more in the OAD camp. I don't know that I could go through this again (I mean, I'm sure I could, I just don't know that I would want to). We'll see what happens after this one is here. 
    Married: 12/2015
    Me: 37 - H: 39
    TTC#1: 01/2016
    BFP: 06/18/2016 - EDD: 02/20/2017 - Born: 01/27/2017

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  • We always thought we'd want 2, but lately we're leaning towards OAD. Everything from finances, our ages, to DH being gone a LOT, to us knowing that emotionally we could give much more to one child plays into it. We also would love to travel and give our child amazing experiences that would be so much harder with 2. I hear a lot of people saying they were an only child and always longed for a sibling. I see it from the opposite side- my sister and I have never been close, she's just not a good person. DH's sister is an adult alcoholic thats a succubus and causes so many dramatic episodes. So its really the luck of the draw.

    I think there will always be a part of me that will want one more than we already have (even if we had 6 kids, I'd still want another) but I don't feel mournful that we may stop at one. Who knows lol. DH is all about getting snipped when the time comes.

    As far as my mom or MIL (*shudder*) staying for an extended period of time: No. They can visit here and there but it would cause a lot of unecessary stress and exhaustion with them "helping."
  • I think this conversation is hard to have in the middle of 3rd tri.  We all feel crappy and don't have the end in sight yet.  I would be curious how things change for people after babies are here and a few months have gone by.  We had discussed numbers before we got married and DH wanted 3 and I wanted 4.  Our first was a preemie but overall healthy.  Our second was small but full term and healthy.  With our third I ended up on bedrest for 6 weeks-  I seriously didn't think I would convince DH to try for a 4th but he came around.  We had actually talked about stopping trying after some secondary infertility issues due to the distance in ages that the kids were going to be.  Of course that was the month I got pregnant.  Finances have always been a big discussion with us because of college tuition savings and such.  I don't expect to have 100% saved for all 4 of them, but would like decent amounts.  My parents didn't have savings for me and neither did his parents.  I choose schools based on scholarships.  I managed to complete 10 years of schooling after high school with debt under 100k-  which is pretty darn good considering all of the schools I went to.  For childcare we have a nanny who gets a raise when another child is added.  Though in the fall we will have half of the kids in full time school so she will actually have less kids to watch.  

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  • DH and I always talked about having 2 or 3, but now that LO will be here soon, we are not so sure we want to add to our family, or at least not any time soon.

    Finances are a big factor for us, as well as space. We will be able to comfortably live with 3 people in our home now, but would definitely need a bigger house if we decide we want more children. Also, day care is incredibly expensive, so I would want to wait until DD is in kindergarten at least (the kiddos go full day KG here) so that we don't have two in day care at the same time.

    I'm relatively young (27), so it wouldn't be a big issue for me if we waited 5 or 6 years to have another one. My sister and I are 4 years apart and DH is 10 and 6 years younger than his sisters so we are both used to larger age gaps. My niece and nephew are also only children, so it wouldn't bother me if DD was an only child either. 

    I guess we'll just wait and see how life with DD will be before we make any decisions on adding to our family.
  • That's true @Spicyweiner we changed our minds many a time even after the kids were here! That's why we definitely want to give it a few years before we decide to snip, etc. 
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  • Has anyone had Yogi brand green tea (decaf)? We were excited to get it but noticed it said herbal supplement on it and had a note on the side to ask your doctor if you're pregnant. I know herbal teas are usually a no but I thought green teas were okay
  • I used to say I wanted 4-8 kids, but as a FTM with a semi-rocky pregnancy this round, I'm not sure. DH is one of 8 and I'm one of 3, and all of our parents are from big families too. I think its more fun when you're older as well. Our baby already has 9 cousins on DH's side with not even half of the siblings married yet and on my side the baby will have 1 cousin with maaaaybe 2-3 more overall. I have two older brothers and always wanted a sister, as my mom is best friends with her sisters, but I think ultimately every family dynamic is different and you can't guarantee anything either way. 
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  • I'm a FTM and whether we're OAD depends on our family dynamics after our little girl arrives. If we have another it will hopefully be with a 2-3 year spacing between them.

    DH and I are each 1 of 4 - but my siblings are 15, 17 and 19 years older than I am (remarriage) so I feel more like an only - my nieces and nephews are closer in age to me, the eldest is just 8 years younger and now we're pretty close. I'd like 2 - we have family all over the place (we're in TX, all family is in Canada or Italy) but I think with 2 we could manage financially because we aren't big spenders in most areas of life. My dad had an extended battle with Parkinson's Disease and having siblings was such a blessing, even if I'm not as close to them as they are to each other. And DH is super close with his siblings now. 
    ---TW BFP and MC mentioned - scroll down past the Lilo and Stitch gif to avoid ---




    Me: 33 & DH: 33
    Married: 07/2006
    TTC: 10/2015
    BFP #1: 11/2015, MC 12/2015 (7 weeks)
    BFP #2: 06/2016, EDD 2/15/2017



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  • Has anyone had Yogi brand green tea (decaf)? We were excited to get it but noticed it said herbal supplement on it and had a note on the side to ask your doctor if you're pregnant. I know herbal teas are usually a no but I thought green teas were okay
    I was always told no green tea, but that was back over 8 years ago. My Dr this time didn't say anything about it, but I don't like green tea anyway so I didn't ask.
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  • @kswiger 06 ohh I didn't know green tea was a no-no too, I thought just "herbal" but I guess that is a pretty large umbrella. I like iced green tea but not hot usually. My fiancé got an amazing hot one that was decaf for me (so thoughtful!) but was sooo bummed when it said herbal supplement on the box and to check with my dr since I'm pregnant. Ohhh well, I told him to save me a few haha.  
  • @jlellis603 I'm no doctor or herbalist, but my understanding is that the issue with green tea is that it can inhibit folic acid absorption, which is more of a first tri issue. I would legitimately just ask at your next appointment. There's a good chance a cup a day or so at this point would be fine! I love green tea and drank massive amounts while TTC, but stopped only because I'd rather spend my caffeine on coffee.
  • @Xstatic3333 oh thanks for the info! I'll ask in a couple of weeks when I go back. I'm with your, I'd rather use my allotted caffeine for coffee, but this special tea is decaf, yay! Also - did TB eat your avatar? It threw me off haha
  • @jlellis603 it did! I'm so annoyed. It'll probably be a while before I get around to fixing it. 
  • Re: Number of kids - I am the youngest of four, so growing up it always seemed like 3-4 was an ideal number. I can't imagine having fewer than three siblings, though now that I am an adult and in my childbearing years, I wonder how my parents did it. I'm up for two kids, three max.

    H and I have already discussed what we want to do in terms of future children, contingent upon how things go with the baby on the way. We would like to have a second relatively soon after the first - like a two, two and a half year age gap? But since I only have one fallopian tube and we are not confident I will get lucky and get pregnant as quickly a second time as I did this time, we plan to start trying again when this baby is just under a year old. Depending on how THAT goes, maybe we'll have a third in a few years.  And after that, H will be getting a vasectomy.
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  • Re: kiddos I'm a FTM but I've known for years that I wanted kids. We have been SUPER lucky. Got KU on the 1st try. Pregnancy has been pretty easy on me and our only complication is this stupid GD and blood sugars that won't go down. 

    I want 3 and could easily physically have 3 (probably) but for financial reasons we'd need to space them out quite a bit. So I could be 39 or 40 on #3. Not sure I want to do that!
    Hey, being pregnant at 39 is super cool. Just kidding. It was so much easier when I was 34/35, but maybe that's because I have a very active 4 year old to keep up with?

    My chart at my mfm labels me as "elderly multigravida" though. That's not so cool. 
    LMFAO omg that's amazing. I know it isn't too old to have kids, but will I still want to be pregnant then? *shrug* I'm leaving it open.
  • Props to you @FreshBakedBrownies! This pregnancy is so much harder at 31 than I remember my other 2 pregnancies being at 23 and 24.
  • At 38, with older kids, I have to say,  I feel very old,  all the time,  and also,  I have no idea how we are going to function without sleep again.   I also clearly remembered a couple weeks ago how I felt old around other moms with my twins,  almost 8 years ago
    Married - 7/29/06
    Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 
    Mia - 6/16/11
    Surprise! due 2/23/17


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