Waiting for AF after MC

szwill86

**lurking**

@mimoca yay for you!! Fx that the line gets stronger! 

MimoCa

Thanks everyone . I can feel myself spiraling into crazy thoughts so I apologies for being hard to handle today!

RiverSong15

@endo_mom You're right - I think many health care professionals forget that while they may see a patient with a MC every day and it's routine, for us, it's one of the worst days of our lives. Thus, I think they struggle with what to say to us. While I know my next pregnancy is likely to result in a healthy baby, even after two MCs, I need some extra handholding and reassurances. Blowing my concerns off with a casual - "it'll be fine next time!" - is not compassionate.

@NewMommyCoop - I'm so sorry you lost he baby after seeing a heartbeat. For me, I think it's all about small steps toward a baby. I've never seen a heartbeat, so that will be one "new" thing and a step farther than last time. And then it will be getting past loss milestones, NT scan, first tri, AS, etc. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable or not anxious, but I'm just looking for those little things to reassure me along the way. Those things will be different for each of us, of course, and it's no guarantee of a rainbow. I actually think that's part of the problem with health care after a MC - there's no single approach toward caring for a patients emotional health that will work for every patient. Care should be more personalized.

flipflopped

TW - living children

@endo_mom we did the nursery in lion king so good to go either way. All the big items were neutral since we knew we wanted more. It was actually really nice not to get all the clothes because we got more stuff that we needed. And it wasn't all pink or blue. It was really sweet for DH to go pick out a bunch of things while I was in the hospital for the tiny items. DD quickly fit into 3m and  is the 5th cousin on my side so we ended up getting all the clothes.

As for predictions....NOTHING. Everyone kept telling me I would know, but I never felt anything either way. I carried like a basketball so people assumed boy.

flipflopped

@riversong15 I once heard fertility and reproduction described as a mix of art, science and luck. Until my MC I didn't understand it and thought it was pure science.

artemis618

@MimoCa - Yay congrats!  Crossing everything for you!  

@endo_mom Yay for everything looking good, hope your AF comes sooner rather than later.  Not to be a Debbie Downer - and I so totally get the anxiety about being seen late - probably one of my worse fears is dying from a surprise ectopic - but like @NewMommyCoop We saw our little girl measuring right on track and heard a healthy heartbeat at first appointment at 8w2d - and even got our "normal" NIPT results at 11w3d, which was super deceiving/falsely comforting because we lost her two days later .  Just saying I know logically that it doesn't help anything to stress out, but I don't know if I/we can ever relax :-/. And it may be even worse once they're born!  We hear all of the positive statistics, so many weeks, once you hear heartbeat, etc. but (as we all know) it really does suck when you end up on the other side of them.

As far as ignorance - I will be 40 next year (so was born a while ago) - but my parents didn't even know there was a second baby (I have a twin brother and he was born first, so I guess they didn't know I existed) until a month before we were born!  They had to rush out and buy second everythings.

I am dumb and may POAS Thursday (only 11 DPO, hypothetically) even though we're supposed to wait for AF just cause I'm scheduled to scuba dive in Maui on Saturday, so...just in case.  It's sort of put me in TWW mindset without a real reason . But part of me is like if we have to lose another/more before I get some help (if we need it) I'd rather just get it over with sooner rather than later).  That's sort of morbid/depressing.  Otherwise expecting AF Halloween-ish, but who knows with first cycle after...

NewMommyCoop

@RiverSong15 I agree with you. It is somewhat the same for me. It was a victory in sorts that I now know implantation can occur in the right spot. It was just such a double edge sword. While I knew I could not let myself get too excited because I knew the possibility of things not working out, I also had such high hopes because of what we saw. I wouldn't change it, by any means, it just ended up being harder for me. I really hope next time will be our rainbow. DH and I aren't getting any younger, lol.

RiverSong15

@NewMommyCoop I totally get it. I'd be crushed too in that situation. Loss just sucks big time all around. Somehow, the universe doesn't care about my plans or need to have control over my life. Ha. To quote Dory - "Just keep swimming", right?

NewMommyCoop

@artemis618 I am so sorry you went through that. It is awful being on the "wrong" side of the statistics. I too will be 40 next year, so while I understand why you say "morbid/depressing", I also get/agree with the reasoning.
I have 28 day cycles, even post loss, which means AF should arrive November 10. I plan on testing November 7. I had my positive in August three days before AF was to show.

NewMommyCoop

@RiverSong15 LMAO, oh so true! It really does suck. When we scheduled the u/s and it was on my birthday, I thought this could be a really great birthday or a really bad birthday. Unfortunately it was really bad. DH and I stayed home the rest of the day and I cried most of it. I usually love my birthday, but I really hated it this year.
And yes to the quote; I keep thinking, come on sperm keep swimming and meet up with my egg!

artemis618

@NewMommyCoop Pardon my ignorance (I've only tested with the Wondfo One Steps), but when you test before AF is due, do you use a more sensitive test? Last time I didn't get my BFP 15DPO (negatives/very faint at 11 and 13 DPO - but then tested again with my 16th high temp).  I only started tracking cycles after I went off of bc in January and had two each 27, 28, and 30 days cycles - unfortunately I only temped/OPKed for my July cycle during which we got KU, so I don't actually know how long my luteal phase is.  I'm counting October 1 (date of loss) as CD 1 for this one but not sure if that makes sense - that would put me on track for a 30 day cycle IF LP is 14 days.  I would be grateful if my body is as regular as yours has been post-loss!

RiverSong15

@artemis618 I've also gotten positives at 9 and 12 DPO before my period was due during both of my pregnancies. I used whatever Wondfos came in my OPK pack first. They showed the faintest ghost of a line, but since a line is a line, I then followed up using the more expensive First Response Early Result (which are very sensitive) and even the Clear Blue Digitals turned for me at 12 or 13 DPO.

artemis618

Thanks @RiverSong15!  I'm using the same Wondfos - just never bothered to try anything else after.  I think I actually did see faint lines earlier, but I kind of need to be beat over the head with these things . I guess I'm the reason for the digital HPT market.  Thanks for the specific product recs!

Edit:  looks like the First Response Early Result is actually what I ordered from Amazon yesterday . Also to add that of course it went down in price after I bought it because everything I buy goes on sale after I buy it!

fall_2016

.

MimoCa

@artemis618 ooo buy a digital and let us know tomorrow!

starfish827

@flipflopped Neutral nursery is a great idea and I guess you could also buy neutral clothes and items. In any case, its a good idea if you plan to have more since you can reuse them. I would try to do that anyhow.

@RiverSong15 Yeah, I think the issue is that they don't know what to say. My Dr. is really nice and the first thing he said today: "So...everything back to normal?" I was thinking: "ugh..yeah...I think...well I don't have a baby anymore..but other than that I'm OK"   He thinks since it was no baby there that somehow it will be easier, but I really didn't care that I couldn't see it...in my mind I lost a baby (even when perhaps it never formed or it formed and it was reabsorbed by my body...who knows). 

For me it also goes in small steps: 

Step #1: lines getting darker (to rule out chemical)
Step #2: analyzing  every feeling because I fear ectopic (is it strange that I was paranoid about this even with the first one). 
Step #3:  Fear the lack of symptoms.  My sister had a MC a couple of years ago and she mentioned her symptoms went away overnight...so I analyzed everything everyday. 
Step #4: Seeing the baby implanted in the uterus and with a heartbeat
Step #5: See the baby grow and being cautious optimistic until the next appointment.

Unlimited steps to follow here   

I only reached until 3 my first pregnancy....we will see what happens on the next one. I think once you had a loss, it gets a lot harder to enjoy the pregnancy until a lot later. With our first we were anxious to announce...I'm glad we didn't...if we get pregnant again... I will probably wait until closer to 20 weeks to announce. When I was younger, I always though that pregnancy was uneventful.  Until recently I learned all the ups and downs and I'm shocked women go through all these things to conceive and have babies.  

@artemis618 I also hate statistics... especially when I end up on the other side. I'm sorry for your loss. Once you can see them and listen to a heartbeat, something inside yourself establishes a connection. I read somewhere that the woman becomes a mom when she gets pregnant and DH becomes a dad when the baby is born (emotionally). In my case it was true, I was a lot more affected than DH.  Fx for you on your POAS journey. We are rooting for you! BTW, how cool to have a twin, especially an unexpected one. My insurance only covers RE treatment after 2 losses. So, even when of course I would rather have a healthy baby, I want to get the process started in case I need to go that route. 

flipflopped

@endo_mom the smaller the size the easier to get neutral

starfish827

@artemis618 I tested with the cheap ones for my first and got a very faint BFP at 9 DPO.

NewMommyCoop

@artemis618 I use both the ones @RiverSong15 mentioned. Although, my first two pregnancies, I got a very faint line one day after I missed AF, so I have convinced myself that for me a faint line after missed AF means problems with the pregnancy. I started using the digitals and then decided on this last pregnancy that I wanted to see what the line looked like early. I used a First Response Early Result (non digital) and had a very dark line on 11dpo. I did not use a digital because I had blood work to check HCG that same day and the doctor called with good results. Because of the previous ectopic, my doctor wants to see me around 5 weeks, so I got in pretty quickly.

Edited because I forgot to add that I also counted 9/19 (start of MC) as CD1; although I only had a 25 day cycle this first cycle and I O'd after the loss on CD12. I usually O on CD13 (tracking for almost two years).

artemis618

@MimoCa Sorry for the confusion - I meant I saw faint lines earlier at 11 and 13 DPO last round...not this one...yet?  Again not holding my breath and mostly just planning to check Thursday AM on the off chance I need to cancel my dive booking.

@endo_mom  Right there with you on the ectopic fear.  I just keep thinking if this can kill women (okay in extreme cases) and cost women tubes why do they not check us out sooner?!  Honestly I think being in the right place was the biggest relief at my first appointment, then of course seeing/hearing the baby.  And I think you're right - DH was kind of afraid to get too excited till he saw/heard the baby.  Then he got all excited about telling his mom on our birthday (I also share my b-day with MIL - and the baby's EDD was DH's b-day - moot now, but how weird is that?).

Also with you on the announcing around 20 weeks (I even told DH this with the first one) - if we make any sort of announcement at all.

@NewMommyCoop  Oh no!  Actually I started wondering if the pregnancy had been going better if I'd have gotten a BFP (like because she implanted) sooner (and had gotten nausea).  But I guess that thing about being a different pregnancy, different experience, different baby, etc. comes to mind.  The thought is definitely scary though. And I'm so sorry about your ectopic - seriously one of my worse fears.  Still tracking the first cycle - my temps may have (barely) tricked FF into thinking I ovulate on CD16 (and never tracked before the "successful" cycle), so I'm going with that for now. But thanks for sharing though I appreciate that first cycles after can be all over the place.  But yay for O-ing!  My docs didn't care to track anything down and I've never had any betas ever - they just told me to call if I hadn't seen AF in 12 weeks

MimoCa

@artemis618 my fault. when I mobile bump I often get confused lol

starfish827

@MimoCa Any updates on the line? I'm soo happy for you...today is CD29 for me. I'm super regular and usually have 28 day cycles. I will keep you posted if AF shows up today.

MimoCa

******tw******



@endo_mom the line was much darker today! I made an appointment tomorrow to confirm with the doctor.
Omg I hope your AF doesn't come for a good reason either! Keep me posted  

NewMommyCoop

Congrats @MimoCa Sounds promising!

brooklyngirl18

@MimoCa congrats!!

MimoCa

@NewMommyCoop @brooklyngirl18 thanks ladies!

artemis618

@MimoCa  Yay for gambling!

MimoCa

@artemis618 I know, my doctor will.probably give me the side eye but oh well

artemis618

Well, just FYI, looks like I am all clear to scuba dive and drink at the wedding this weekend.  I continue to wait for AF...hopefully she'll be reasonably on time so we can get going!

starfish827

@artemis618 Have fun scuba diving....also waiting for AF here at CD 30.    

NewMommyCoop

@artemis618 So jealous! I love diving and haven't been in a little over two years. 

MimoCa

@artemis618 have fun scuba diving. I never done it but sounds wonderful

MimoCa

**********tw***********

I would like to thank all you ladies for all your support! Not sure if I'm suppose to move on now but I will, though reluctantly as I'm apprehensive for the future. Not sure where to go either but I will continue to lurk and cheer on my other ladies waiting for AF or for a gamble surprise!

♡♡♡♡♡

NewMommyCoop

@MimoCa There is a private TTCAL Graduates group. @catiecatp or @DungeonTrollMel can send you an invite. Congrats!!!

MimoCa

Thanks  @NewMommyCoop I hope to see you and everyone else there soon too!

starfish827

@MimoCa wishing you happy and healthy 9 months. We will miss you here, hopefully we will keep in touch on the other side soon 

MimoCa

@endo_mom thx. I'm counting in seeing you there soon too

justsuzie

Just found out that the stupid nurse at the DR office I go to got my last HCG levels wrong because she was mixed up.  Thought I was at 1097 and I am actually at  2567!  It's been 5 weeks since methotrexate and I have at least another 4 before any hope of 0!  Bumming big time. I just want my cycle to start already.  The waiting is literally making me nutty.  

starfish827

@justsuzie I'm sorry to hear about the nurse   The wait is also driving me crazy. I was supposed to get AF on Wednesday (I'm super regular and have 28 day cycles). Im on CD31 now   I'm trying to go back to the gym and read to help time pass, but the wait is unbearable. I hope these 4 weeks go by fast for you and that things start to regulate 

justsuzie

@endo_mom And I've had different nurses tell me different things about hard impact working out.  I am a runner and one nurse said don't do it and the other said it's okay.  The doctor never returns my calls so I've given up on him.  I just hate being in limbo.  Were you a MC?  My cycles were 28 days no matter what for the past 20 years!