I love this discussion. And I also love the TTGP board. I was super active while TTC DS in 2013-2014 and I love that the level of support and snark hasn't changed. What I do notice though is that people do seem more afraid to create new posts now; there were many more fun game/GTKY threads and I liked that. I agree with whoever said that if you want more of those threads, just create one!
The WTO/2WW threads are cluttered and my questions have gone unanswered too. I like the idea of separating R/R and CS but I don't think that'll get questions answered more really. I think having a weekly thread about TTGP questions might help people get their questions answered. A lot of us probably have similar questions at some point in our TTGP journey.
Something I really miss that we did last time around was the separate threads announcing pregnancy. I think a huge part of this board is showing support to each other while TTC, of course, but also support when we get ktfu. We all have our own length of time TTC and experiences, but I love celebrating each individual when they get pregnant in their own thread. Everyone should feel the spotlight when they finally get those two pink lines -- it's what we're all here for! That is something I miss the most, I loved reading the individual pregnancy threads, and I felt so damn special when I finally got to create my own when I did get pregnant.
Along that line, while I understand WHY the intros were streamlined into one thread, I miss reading individual intros too. It helped me get to know someone's story before they started posting and made them more than just an avatar or siggy. This would also mean that if someone got a BFP and, God forbid, had a loss, they could reintro so we know they're back and can show support in their loss.
I like the idea of voting with love tits and most wins.
Just my $0.02 on the BFP posts: I'm personally against them. Yes, it's great when someone gets a BFP and gets to move on, but there are also members who have bad TTC days, and I think consideration for their feelings should also come into play because sometimes those posts are hard. That's why we have the weekly graduation thread, as a compromise between getting to post the BFP and protecting others' feelings if they are having a hard time. I also think it'll encourage drive-bys. I think the system we have now is a good middle ground.
DD born PPROM preemie at 36 weeks on 10/1/17 after over a year TI, then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW, because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
I've been posting on this board for almost a year now. Since we're all being honest around here, IMO the "rules" have gotten a little out of hand. This board has begun to feel a little like mean girls recently, which is why I haven't been posting a whole lot in the past few months.
Flaming for drive-by "Am I KU" is warranted, but for posting intro threads or what others consider "annoying" questions is ridiculous IMO.
I am guilty of not having read the pinned intro thread so I fully support a weekly Newbie thread.
I also would welcome changes to the TWW and WTO threads. As someone who has had questions ignored in these threads on multiple occasions, I can tell you that it is extremely frustrating to have a question ignored while everyone else is commenting or posting gifs about someone's GTKY answer. I would support a separate GTKY thread.
edit: spelling
Me: 36 DH: 40 Together since 2007 |Married June 2013
TTC #1: June 2015
BFP: 11/9/16 | EDD: 7/22/17
DD born 7/16/17
TTC #2: December 2018 BFP: 2/26/19 | EDD: 11/7/19 DS born 11/3/19
@letyourheartbeyourguide I noticed you haven't been very active lately and just wanted to say that we miss you but totally understand. I'm right there with you on finding it incredibly emotionally draining with all the frustration/anxiety/depression that goes with seeing so many new people constantly cycle through the board as they get BFPs in a month or two while some of us are left here for what feels like forever.
and that brings me to another thing I wanted to address:
@TravelingCouple I totally get what you mean when you say that part of a TTGP board is supporting everyone and then cheering for the people who are "graduating" to their BMBs. And in some ways I like the idea. But I also know that there are days when I'm far too emotional over TTC to see BFP threads on the board and just seeing "GUYS I GOT MY BFP!" titles would send me into a deep, deep depression for the next couple of days. And I don't think I'm the only one. I think this was sorta the idea of the weekly thread. It creates a space for everyone to go cheer on our "graduates" while still protecting the members who are a little too sensitive over TTC/pregnancy and baby related things that day to handle seeing a BFP thread. And sure, on the super hard days ladies could just avoid the board. But a support board isn't going to do ladies much good if you have to avoid it on the days you need support the most. I mean, that's just my two cents. So on the BFP thread idea I'm going to have to agree with @mrsdee15.
@Kiki75 You're not wrong about some of the pinned threads. I agree that threads like "You know you're TTC when.." and "Pro-tips" don't really need to be pinned. The problem is that, as far as I know, only the moderators can pin and unpin threads and it can be a little difficult to get them to pin/unpin something. I remember going through the struggle with the mods (not me personally, but the board) to get the Newbie Intro thread pinned.
I really like the idea suggested by @clover28 to have a weekly intro thread for the newbies. If we're being honest I'm fairly certain I've only opened the pinned newbie thread at the top a time or two. So I see people in WTO/TWW when I rarely pop in and I'm like "who are all these people..?" Which is totally my fault for not reading the thread. But still.
When it comes to the GTKY: I totally agree with @mrsdaddario that for the members who have been here awhile they tend to be redundant. But I also agree with whoever said that there are occassionally days that I only post in WTO/TWW to answer the GTKY. There are also days I post in WTO/TWW and leave the GTKY blank for reasons. I'm totally fine with the GTKY questions being moved to their own thread. I also think it may help declutter WTO/TWW some. I've noticed that the WTO thread has been averaging about 3 pages a day which is kind of a lot. And I honestly don't normally read all 3 pages to skim for questions so I'm sure there are questions I could answer that I'm totally missing.
I don't really care if people start new threads for questions or we come up with a better way to make sure questions get answered in WTO/TWW. Maybe a mix of both? Like someone said if it is a question that benefits pretty much everyone and it hasn't been its own thread in awhile then sure why not have it as a separate thread. So occasionally we could have a thread about "which supplements do you all take and why?" or a thread on OPKs or whatever else. But maybe if its been its own thread recently we ask that people take any additional questions to WTO/TWW or something? I mean, we don't need a supplement thread every week but there could be a question about supplements that wasn't addressed in the recent supplement thread that someone may want to ask in WTO/TWW. I just chose supplements as an example because it was the first thing that came to mind.
Also on the topic of the WTO/TWW threads I agree with @furbabymom2007 that a lot of the clutter in WTO/TWW comes from people doing mass replies and this general feeling that everyone needs to reply to people. I know there are days I don't post in WTO/TWW because I just really don't feel like reading through the entire thread and trying to think of things to reply to people. I feel weird only replying to a couple of people because I don't want anyone to feel left out of have their feelings hurt that I told so-and-so sorry for CD1 and them not. That kind of thing. And honestly it wouldn't happen probably. But I worry about it so I feel like if I can't take the time to reply to a lot of people I'm probably better off replying to no one/almost no one. And once I've gone a couple of posts without replies I start to feel like an ass. I don't want to just pop in to WTO/TWW and vent, get support and then leave. It isn't fair to expect people to support me if I'm not going to make the effort to write replies and support others. So I'll write up a response to WTO/TWW and then think ".... I shouldn't post this unless I'm willing to do replies and I just... can't. I'll wait till I can." Which, while I'm on the topic I just wanted to say that I'm sorry guys that I've been so guilty of using WTO/TWW as a bit of a "dear diary" place lately to vent and then I sorta just disappear.
OK so I got a little off topic. Back to what I was saying about how @furbabymom2007 is clearly right that people feel almost obligated now to post replies. And when 20 people make 1 post and 1 reply post... that's 40 posts. And then if there is a back and forth exchange that could easily end up being about 5 posts or more. It just adds up and creates a very lengthy, hard to get through at times, thread. When I first joined TheBump back in... September 2015? I don't remember it being that way. In fact, I think MVTurnsVA (for anyone who remembers her) is the one who started the mass replies. She is at least the first person I can think of who made a habit of replying to everyone (or pretty much everyone) just about everyday in WTO/TWW. A lot of ladies really appreciated that she took the time to do it. And I remember people saying it made WTO/TWW feel less like a dairy and more like a discussion when people reply. So that, as far as I know, was the start of the reply culture. And the reply culture has some great things about it. But I do agree that maybe there needs to be a way to have it where people feel OK about not replying. Or not replying to everyone and only whoever/whoever all said something that they thought "oh I really want to reply to that! I can so relate to that!" or whatever. As an aside here, I do appreciate the people who take their time to reply. And there have been some hard days where reading replies to someone I vented about really meant a lot to me and made me feel a lot better. So I'm not trying to say replies aren't appreciated or important.
Also, I'd like to appologize for how generally disorganized and rambling this post is. I'll probably try to edit it tomorrow to make it a little more concise, clear and organized because it just isn't happening tonight. I'm just way too tired.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Yes! @AliciaGoose. The daily GTKY questions are redundant. For every day users who have been here a while, and also will become redundant for newcomers who will also start posting daily. I'm all for GTKY's. But maybe on their own separate thread? So the WTO and TWW can be strictly about TTC. Especially if some people feel like their questions are getting missed in their R/R/CS. Just a thought!
Edit for awful spelling
Also ETA I just read the vasectomy thread and now I realize why this thread popped up lol
I agree, been here for a while and sometimes I skip posting because I don't feel like answering the question.
I had a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head and not a lot of time to articulate them, but my opinions in the subject can literally just be 'ditto what @NamelessAria said'.
Me: 32 DH: 33 Married: October 2015 TTC #1: October 2015 EDD #1: June/July 2017
I'm pretty new here. But I have a couple of thoughts on this. 1) I think we should stop encouraging new people not to post in the graduation thread. For one, seeing a mostly dormant graduation thread is pretty dismal and I think could lead to hopelessness in someone newly TTC. Also, I'm interested in the answers to the grad thread questions by people who have gotten a BFP, even if they are new. And they deserve to feel special too. No one is forcing you to respond if you don't know the person. The whole "regular contributor thing" is just weird. I agree that they should stay in the grad thread. 2) General TTC questions should be allowed, but if they've been asked recently the search feature should be encouraged. Products, apps, and science changes--the best whatever of three years ago might not be the best anymore. Also, keeping questions in the daily threads means we aren't adding to the search archive in a way that's easy to find. And it's really easy to lose the questions, even if you say you have one, because someone posting may not read the 20 posts before hers. 3) I like the idea of a general GTKY.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
@NamelessAria@furbabymom2007 While I haven't been in WTO/TWW in a while, I do like the replies when I'm there. I don't feel like I have to reply to everyone. But if I am posting I will typically reply to those who have posted before me if I feel like I have something to say. I do it in my post so that there aren't multiple posts. I usually will also check in again later. I don't feel like those clutter the board as much because in those posts you have the ability to answer people's questions, which is one of the things we're saying needs to become a priority over there again. That being said I can't speak for everything else that goes on now in terms of the conversations happening about GTKY because I don't feel that was a huge problem a couple months ago (but I might just not remember).
I do think the number of replies will decrease significantly if the GTKY gets moved because I imagine I will have a lot less people I want to reply to when there's nothing NBR in the post. And I think that is a good thing. This way our replies are genuinely about TTC related topics instead and those threads go back to what they're intended for; discussions about TTC. So I guess what I'm really saying is maybe with moving the GTKY out we can have a nice balance of replies that feel more meaningful? Especially because I feel like replying is a way to build thcommunity up. As long as you don't feel link you need to reply to every person every day even if you have nothing relevant to say to them.
@Kiki75 - "including not jumping all over the other posters, especially not jumping in to side with a stranger over a regular unless they're really out of line" Whether someone's new or a regular has nothing to do with whether someone should be defended and stood up for or not, and that kind of thinking is exactly what got us in to this mess. I hate to say it, but I feel this is geared toward me since I'm basically the only one who has consistently stood up for new members who haven't done anything wrong but have been treated wrongly for whatever reason, whether posts were meant that way or they were just taken that way. I will not pretend to be okay with things if I don't feel okay with it, which is why I took the initiative to actually start this thread. If this is the mentality of many posters on this board - that we need to stick with regulars and not defend a new member if we see them treated wrongly - then I hate to say it but maybe I'll need to find a different TTGP board to be a member of. I'm not in to sunshine and rainbows, and that's why I love this community. I'm all for snark, but I also won't sit back and pretend that everything a regular can do is a-okay. New members are why this board thrives, not just ones that have been here a few months or longer. Once we all get our BFPs, the new members are who keep this board alive and who keep it going. If we constantly push new members away and think that they shouldn't be treated fairly just because they're new, or think that we should "side" with a regular over a new member just because they're a regular -- then eventually the board will die and nothing we've done to make it a successful and knowledgeable community will continue.
For a new stickied thread - I think those kinds of things are what's best left for the current threads and for discussion threads, not a stickied thread. You share those kinds of things throughout your stay - I would rather have a legit discussion about what foods you avoid and/or use and what OPKs you use than just turn it in to "go look at this stickied thread to answer your question". That really doesn't change the problem of pushing new members toward this thread or that thread instead of trying to have an actual discussion. I would love to see a couple of the stickied threads un-stickied, because I just don't feel they're needed - but those are also the ones that @BumpCaitlin and @BumpAdmin started and stickied, so... we can ask, but I doubt they'll un-sticky those.
The TTA/Benched thread is supposed to be meant for those of us who have already started TTC but were stopped for whatever reason. Whether that's a life-problem that forced us to stop TTC for the time being, a loss, medical reasons. It's not really meant for someone who's never TTC and is just looking for a place to check in while they're waiting to start. That's what BOTB is for. We used to have mid-week check-ins for that thread, but once I stepped back from the board for various reasons it didn't continue and went back to just weekly check-ins. I can do my part to help get the mid-week check-ins back up, but personally I don't feel that it needs to be an every-other-day thread. If others feel differently, I have no quelms about it being bumped to more frequently, but... I know sometimes there are days where you're TTA and nothing's changed so having a check-in after just checking-in a few days ago isn't going to change that nothing's changed, you know? I don't know about TTTC because I've never lurked over there, and I'm not sure what those who would participate there would want, so I can't say anything about that.
I have zero plans to close the discussion and make any voting posts until it's decided as a community that everything's been brought up and hashed out and it's time to do so. I don't want to set a day or time because things change and sometimes people remember other things they're concerned about. So, if the thread dies down over the next couple of days because of the holiday - I'll bump it and ask for more participation, but I don't just close it and take that initiative in my own hands.
@furbabymom2007 - I think love-tits go a long way in this case. I mean, if I'm on CD1, I personally would rather have 10 love-tits and take them as hugs for CD1 than 10 replies reminding me I'm starting my next cycle (which may just be me).
That QFP-theory is really what I also follow and what used to be followed, as far as I'm aware. Quote the OP and respond (ninja QFP, basically), but don't just "QFP" every new member just in case they DD a post. It gets the same result, but it's kind of a whole different way to go about getting that result. One is incognito, but also welcoming and kind, but the other is just putting them in a box. I also quote because I don't remember who I'm talking to. The only time I don't is if I'm responding to multiple people, and then I open two windows for the same thread, haha.
@TravelingCouple - I know when I first started, it was always "post your BFP in TWW, unless you're a regular, than feel free to start your own AW thread". I don't think I even saw anyone make an AW BFP thread? But I know I miss seeing everyone's BFPs, not just... someone who's been here for a certain length of time, like @yaeger07 said. I don't mind having the separate BFP thread, because at least then if someone's having a bad day they can avoid it - but, having it with so many rules of "you must be a regular" and flaming people who aren't takes it pretty far, IMO. I get that there are many people who join and get their BFP within a couple of weeks - and you don't really know the community at that time, but... I think it's also discouraging to members who may have been here for their time and participated every day and responded to the community and tried to give support. Those aren't drive-by posts, IMO, but just a newer member who happened to be lucky on their first cycle or two. I've seen some new members who really immersed themselves in their 2-3 week time here and really tried to get to know the community and did all they could while they were here, and they have every right to post their BFP on the graduation thread for that reason, if you ask me.
I'll throw in my $0.02 as well. I'm kind of glad this whole debate came up.
I really like the idea of a weekly intro thread, as kind of the opposite of the weekly grad thread. Making people feel welcome by acknowledging them and saying hi are just as important as wishing our grads well as they leave. With the exception of the weekly grad thread where I think it's totally warranted, I don't particularly like the idea of starting a thread with a bunch of rules and qualifiers. It just gives the impression right from the start that we only care about the rules. If someone breaks "the rules" we generally have to point it out anyway so why not leave it at that? While I agree that the GTKY in WTO generally leads to things getting a little clogged, I think that we need to have something fun in the TWW thread. That place gets pretty depressing since we took the BFPs out. Without something fun, TWW is basically going to be us listing out all the awesome things we did to get KTFU and then our BFNs. Maybe not always a GTKY, but at least something to keep us from sobbing into our pineapple core every morning? Personally, I'd just like to see more overall fun around here! TTC kinda sucks sometimes and it would be awesome if we could try to get a better balance of "this sucks" with "but we're all witty and amazing so we're going to cheer each other up."
@RedBreast35 - Is there anything you can think of to keep the WTO and TWW fun if the GTKY was taken out? I'm trying but all I'm thinking up are GTKY things, haha.
Not a fan of a rules thread. It kind of defeats the purpose of trying to be more lax by adding more rules? We always just encouraged folks to lurk more to understand the culture. Yes with a good bit of snark probably if needed.
A weekly newbie intro thread sounds like a superb idea to me.
Fun GTKYs sound awesome.
And just ask your question in its own thread if you need too. Either someone will answer from their experience, tell you to do a search or link a previous applicable thread.
Since I am currently TTA for a little while longer and no longer charting, I absolutely don't read TWW or TWO. So I don't answer any questions in there and I probably do have some advice to some of them, I'm sure.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
Not a fan of a rules thread. It kind of defeats the purpose of trying to be more lax by adding more rules? We always just encouraged folks to lurk more to understand the culture. Yes with a good bit of snark probably if needed.
A weekly newbie intro thread sounds like a superb idea to me.
Fun GTKYs sound awesome.
And just ask your question in its own thread if you need too. Either someone will answer from their experience, tell you to do a search or link a previous applicable thread.
Since I am currently TTA for a little while longer and no longer charting, I absolutely don't read TWW or TWO. So I don't answer any questions in there and I probably do have some advice to some of them, I'm sure.
Haha @izza2 you had to ask! I can barely thing of decent GTKYs I don't have any specific ideas, maybe just encourage keeping WTO more about just TTC stuff but being a little looser about that in TWW. I really like distractions in TWW because by then you've basically done all you can. I'd be all for anything anyone wants to suggest to keep it as light as possible!
@izza2 Again. How about we assuming the best instead of the worst when making snap judgements? You don't have to jump all over someone to defuse a situation. I was just saying that maybe, just maybe the benefit of the doubt could go to someone who is a regular participant and is known to not generally be an a-hole. Be peacemaker instead of a shit starter.
Honestly, it was directed a little bit at the conversation that started this whole thing because I have been a regular participants for months. I have consistently tried to be kind and helpful...until a newbie treated the regulars like crap. That's the only time that any type of claws ever came out and I still tried to be pretty balanced there. If you know me at all, you know I don't just run around trying to be a jerk to people. I did absolutely nothing wrong in that other post. I wasn't a jerk to her, I didn't tell her to go away and never come back. However, she was looking for something very specific I was pretty sure that this community wouldn't be able to provide to her. She's gotten some good responses but you'll also note that she hasn't gotten the "Oh yeah, my partner had a reversal and I got KU three months later" that she was hoping to hear.
Frankly, at this point, I'm feeling pretty unwelcome.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@izza2 Again. How about we assuming the best instead of the worst when making snap judgements? You don't have to jump all over someone to defuse a situation. I was just saying that maybe, just maybe the benefit of the doubt could go to someone who is a regular participant and is known to not generally be an a-hole. Be peacemaker instead of a shit starter.
Honestly, it was directed a little bit at the conversation that started this whole thing because I have been a regular participants for months. I have consistently tried to be kind and helpful...until a newbie treated the regulars like crap. That's the only time that any type of claws ever came out and I still tried to be pretty balanced there. If you know me at all, you know I don't just run around trying to be a jerk to people. I did absolutely nothing wrong in that other post. I wasn't a jerk to her, I didn't tell her to go away and never come back. However, she was looking for something very specific I was pretty sure that this community wouldn't be able to provide to her. She's gotten some good responses but you'll also note that she hasn't gotten the "Oh yeah, my partner had a reversal and I got KU three months later" that she was hoping to hear.
Frankly, at this point, I'm feeling pretty unwelcome.
I won't be responding on this topic after this, because it's not where I want this thread to go in the least. I was over it. If you still have a problem with me, then feel free to PM me and we'll hash it out between the two of us. This discussion is more than one-thread, this is a community-wide, months-long issue that I've noticed and wanted to see changed but didn't feel the community was interested in changing or recognizing before this. I saw the green light on that, and went for it.
As for that thread, all I'm going to say is that OP didn't do anything to hurt anyone until a side-argument went on between other members. And if you notice, once she did actually decide to insult the community, I'm pretty sure everyone was on the same page there. No one jumped down anyone's throat for shutting that down. I pointed out I didn't think a QFP (just a QFP, no advice or anything) was necessary, and that whether we've been pregnant or not has nothing to do with whether someone's had a vasectomy reversal done, because it doesn't, and that's what the second post was pointing toward. If it was an intent to suggest another board to post in, then there are better ways to do it than say that since we're not pregnant, she should post her question somewhere else. End of my points and beginning of actual advice and discussion with OP, before someone jumped at me for not thinking a QFP was necessary. I'm pretty sure my post was damn tame and if I really wanted to stir a pot I could have done a lot better than that. She may not get and have gotten many responses in the way of advice, experiences, percentages, and success stories (because she was looking for more than "I got KU three months later"), but if you notice, those that responded to her still tried to give suggestions and encouragement and pave the way so others who may have experience in that area could share theirs. Like I said - I believe there are better ways of wording a suggestion to try another board, and obviously the way I read it was a negative way and not how it was intended -- but it's the way it was interpreted. There is no cut and dry way to suggest another board to someone, but we can cut out the "we're not pregnant so we can't help you" stuff when someone's asking a legitimate question that doesn't have to do with only pregnancy. We can still give advice and try to help someone, even if we don't have a personal experience with it. I brought up IVF -- any one of us could have brought up IVF because I'm sure we've all talked about it or thought about it.
I'm going to specifically address the QFP thing here. I genuinely agree with my original feeling which is that it's ok to QFP a post from a seemingly random person that we don't know. I think people dirty delete alllll the time for reasons that can't always be explained. And I don't think QFPs just have to be reserved to people being dicks. Because the thing is sometimes people who start off harmless turn into dicks. Or sometimes they just delete for who even knows what reason. And I prefer to have the QFP there just to be safe.
That being said, I can see how just simply QFPing and then peacing out can seem unwelcoming. I'm all for the idea of QFPing and hiding it within a response to the poster, whatever the post may be. And I think as long as we try to follow this idea, QFPs will not be misinterpreted as often.
And in general, if you disagree with the idea and think QFPs should only be for TOU violations and people being dicks, then you don't have to QFP. But for those of us who want to I think we should be allowed.
To sum up my rambling: I don't think we should make rules about how/when we can QFP. But I think we should agree if we are going to QFP relatively harmless but still iffy posts (meaning we're worried about DD for whatever reason), we should do it in a way that doesn't make US seem like dicks, and try to do it inconspicuously.
I haven't contributed a lot to this thread but I've been reading everything and I just want to comment on one thing. People frequently tell newbies who didn't get the responses that they wanted to hear that 'you can't dictate the responses you get on the internet'. That's true. But what I think we need to be careful about is that this thread seems to be trying to dictate how everyone will and won't respond to people here.
I'm an individual and I will respond to posts however I like. I'm not a jerk and I don't need to be told that when a newbie asks 'this' type of question I'm to respond 'this' certain way, and so on. Regulars here are not one entity with one opinion. People like @NamelessAria are wonderful at being welcoming and patient and kind. Others, myself included, are merely more blunt and efficient. And I believe that when new posts are being made to ask for 'pregnancy success stories' for whatever topic, then it's perfectly reasonable to remind the new poster that many women here have never been pregnant and there's other places more appropriate for that questions.
I'm not saying that this thread won't be a great way to keep the cultural norms evolving here, and I welcome that. But I don't welcome censorship and at the risk of sounding dramatic I just wanted to make sure we are keeping that in check.
Me: 32 DH: 33 Married: October 2015 TTC #1: October 2015 EDD #1: June/July 2017
Wow. There is a lot of great discussion going on here!
I would like to start by mentioning where I personally see areas that could be in more critical need of growth, and move onto some of the other issues that have been brought up, - my take on them, what I feel may be the best approach, - and finally what I feel may not be as important to change at all. I will also say that, generally speaking, my tack would be NOT to, "throw the baby out with the bathwater," because when there is a knee-jerk response to go changing everything all at once, we just set ourselves up for this pendulum that keeps swinging back and forth instead of cultivating a strong STABLE board culture. Things may grow and evolve with time, but such wild swings from one way to another way of doing things I think lead to people being flung to the wayside and looking to other boards.
First and foremost, I agree that some of the tone can at times be more hostile than welcoming, and that really should change. And that is up to us. There is a difference between good-humoured snark and off-putting snobbery; one can laugh at itself, the other is just mean. I have been taken aback more than once LATELY at <b>seeing relative newcomers respond with super-mean comments and "bye-bye" gifs</b> that are like, wait a second. 1. who the hell made you the President of the Board Entry Committee and said you get to send people away at the door? 2. Are we actually a welcoming supportive community, or are we those girls at the lunch table? Cos I really don't want to be the latter and that never was me. Unfortunately, that mean-spirited gate-keeper thing can be infectious, and I think some newcomers may have latched onto the way we respond to TOU violations as a "this is how we treat people who come around here and don't know how we do things," and no wonder it comes off mean and people go looking for the warm embrace of the unicorns and rainbows. I think @Kiki75 summed this aspect up very well here: <blockquote class="Quote">3. If there's a drive-by question (other than "I'm totes KU riiiiiight???") from basically a stranger, we start out by trying to be kind. But maybe still responding with the post quoted. [...truncated...] Quote the post and basically say, "Welcome, here's what I know about the topic you're asking about, read the Newbie guide, and please start posting in the WTO/TWW. This is a community, and we try to support each other." 4. I'm totes KU riiiiiiight??? Quote it and just say something like "Hi, welcome. Please take down the picture of the test. Both it and asking the community if you are pregnant are TOU violations. We can't tell you if you're pregnant. We don't know. The best thing to do is to test again in two days. If it's positive, no need to update us, just move on to your BMB. If it's negative, please join us here starting with the WTO and TWW threads." </blockquote>Also what @izza2 said: <blockquote class="Quote">That QFP-theory is really what I also follow and what used to be followed, as far as I'm aware. Quote the OP and respond (ninja QFP, basically), but don't just "QFP" every new member just in case they DD a post. It gets the same result, but it's kind of a whole different way to go about getting that result. One is incognito, but also welcoming and kind, but the other is just putting them in a box. </blockquote>ETA @MelissaM090 's comment: <blockquote class="Quote">I'm an individual and I will respond to posts however I like. I'm not a jerk and I don't need to be told that when a newbie asks 'this' type of question I'm to respond 'this' certain way, and so on. Regulars here are not one entity with one opinion. People like <a href="https://forums.thebump.com/profile/NamelessAria" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">@NamelessAria</a> are wonderful at being welcoming and patient and kind. Others, myself included, are merely more blunt and efficient. [...] I'm not saying that this thread won't be a great way to keep the cultural norms evolving here, and I welcome that. But I don't welcome censorship and at the risk of sounding dramatic I just wanted to make sure we are keeping that in check. </blockquote> Moving on from there, in the newbie thread, it does encourage people to search for the answers to their questions, <b>maybe this can be more explicitly and/or instructively worded?</b> but I agree with @yaeger07 that times change and it doesn't help new conversation unfold if they get shut down and redirected all the time. Granted the same old questions do get old, but I know I am personally more receptive to a question where someone starts off by saying, "I have used the search tool and found this or that, but I am still curious about..." Okay, now we can talk. So it's kind of a fine line for what people have the patience for, and that I think cuts to the heart of why questions may or may not be getting answered. @Kiki75 also said: <blockquote class="Quote">2. If it's just a minor question, that goes in the WTO/TWW threads however we decide to do those in there. I think the <b>bolded ***Question in R/R/CS*** still works</b>. Times that they don't get answered I think it's usually because people don't have answers they feel confident about. So if it doesn't get answered, ask again in a day or two and maybe someone who has cycled in will know. If it's a major deal and you've tried in WTO/TWW go ahead and post it as a separate question, "I've asked this in WTO/TWW and didn't get an answer. I'm kinda freaking out. Do any of you know?" </blockquote>I agree, but I would also add two things. 1. If posters are asking for a CS and I am on mobile, I really can't CS you if your chart is only linked in your siggy. I am going to have to have a lot of time on my hands to post a response telling you that I can't see your chart b/c it's in your siggy and I am on mobile and by that time, I may opt to just let people who CAN see your chart handle it. 2. If posters are asking questions that feel redundant, I may need to dig deep to find the time/patience to type out an answer. But sometimes that is what needs to be done. Lots of times, people have questions that actually get answered over the course of their TWW or WTO, let's say that just come from the experience of going through another cycle. A lot of questions have a way of working themselves out if people stick around long enough, and maybe that's sometimes why people don't always make the time to respond to Every Little Thing.
I agree that changing too much verbiage in the WTO/TWW threads would be ill-advised. If we want to break out the<b> R/R </b>from the <b>Q/CS</b>, fine. If people want to <b>ask a more TTC-related GTKY once in a while</b>, Cool! But I don't think taking it out completely is the way to go because, not only what @RedBreast35 and others have said, about giving you something else to talk about when your cycle is dull, but also this: ***Okay, somebody said it and now I can't find it,*** but it was about<b> how the GTKY creates a sense of camaraderie among the people with whom you are sharing that part of the cycle. You have this sense that you are all in the same boat, </b>and by the end of the TWW you are genuinely rooting for people's BFP's because you feel like you got to know them more personally. Or even WTO, you're now genuinely rooting for people's timing etc. because you know what's going on in their lives and THAT is how people become more than just a screenname. Maybe that would still happen through the R/R and Q/CS, maybe the GTKY is unnecessary, but I don't really see the WTO/TWW as "broke" except to make it more clear that questions and true CS can go in that line, and maybe if you are just blabbing about your chart or whatever, without an actual question, then leave it under R/R and put, "N/A," or "Not today," in the line for questions and keep it moving. That alone would clean up those threads.
@NamelessAria and other PPs have made a lot of great points about replies. While some members feel they can and have time to do the mass replies - which are WONDERFUL AND SO WELCOMING!!! Of course almost nobody could do that every day for everyone, and by the same token, no one should feel obligated that, "You get a personal reply and You get a personal reply," <img src="https://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/oprahyouandyouandyoulego.gif" alt=""> It's wonderful when it happens, but by no means should people feel that they can't participate on those threads if they can't do that, all or nothing kind of thing. Please. <3
And also this: @izza2 <blockquote class="Quote"><a href="https://forums.thebump.com/profile/furbabymom2007" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">@furbabymom2007</a> - I think love-tits go a long way in this case. I mean, if I'm on CD1, I personally would rather have 10 love-tits and take them as hugs for CD1 than 10 replies reminding me I'm starting my next cycle (which may just be me). </blockquote>Of course, no one is GLAD that you are on CD1 but personally, seeing ANY post of mine with a million love-tits, you really do just, "feel the love-tits," and that means a lot.
So back to overall board culture, like @izza2 and others have said, <blockquote class="Quote">As for what questions should be able to have their own posts, I have a couple thoughts on that. 1. If the question is likely to apply to the community and the discussion and answers could benefit a good portion of the group, by all means, start a new discussion! </blockquote>and further add the same goes for GTKYs. I second @RedBreast35 that people should not be afraid to <b>have fun on here</b> and post whatever GTKYs they want, any time! [ See me trying my hand at making my first ever meme: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12657557/epic-jackie-chan ] Which, although now I would definitely go back and tweak, I still felt should have gotten like WAAAAAAY more love-tits lol
I will say though, that I am very grateful for the waiting period and the newb guide b/c I definitely joined TB during a TWW where I was driving myself particularly BSC insane SS and if I had just posted right away would have totally gotten flamed, so it forced me to lurk and learn and take some deep breaths and get to know the board. I think when newbs get semi-flamed they forget that we have all been in their shoes and it's not that we don't get it. It's out of love. So if we can all remember that, and that true snark comes from a loving place, that may help.
Just some quickie closing remarks: <b>INTROS </b>- We moved them to the main thread for a reason. I'm not saying I've read them all either, but I feel like when I see people actively participating, that means more to me anyway, and if I see them around long enough, or just because I see a new name pop up and I have time, I can always go back and see their intro and get a better view of where they are coming from. I also don't mind if obv you know<b> this is your first time posting in WTO/TWW, say so! Then people can make a point to go check your intro post and get to know you better. </b> If people really feel there's something wrong with how it is now, then I guess the weekly intro could be a compromise, but I'm honestly not all that worried about it.
<b>STICKIES </b>- I was not here when most of those were started, so I don't have an opinion on whether someone needs to push to have them un-stickied. I just scroll past them and kind of wonder why they are so important that they need to be at the top, but whatevs.
<b>BFPs </b>- Leave them in the weekly thread, but don't discourage people from posting there. Yes, you may get what seem like drive-by BFP's but who cares. People who have been actively participating for all of the three weeks it took them to get their BFP, God bless them, they should absolutely get to post there and move onto their BMBs with all our best wishes. If you're having a rough TTC day, just don't even go there. To me, I think <b>it's more depressing to see that thread just be dead on the fourth page</b> of threads like, "wth is NOBODY getting KU over here, or what?" I can think of one member I consider a regular who has been here about as long as me, for sure, and she didn't even MENTION her BFP because the language on there made her feel like maybe she shouldn't be posting cos she hadn't been as active lately, and to me, that's not right.
and finally, <img title="Image: https://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/amy-poehler-tina-fey-drinking.gif" src="https://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/amy-poehler-tina-fey-drinking.gif" alt=""> I love you guys, you're all the greatest. Srrsly.
@BusinessWife "To me, I think it's more depressing to see that thread just be dead on the fourth page of threads like, "wth is NOBODY getting KU over here, or what?""
Could not agree more.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I think to piggyback off of @MelissaM090 we need to remember as this discussion goes on that we don't want this to turn into a thread where we impose more rules and tell people how they can and can't do things. That was the issue that got us here to begin with. This is more about fixing a couple of problems and changing the tone of things. As @BusinessWife said, new people learn from us. As we did from the people who came before us. And I can completely see how new people would take us being snarky to a TOU violation and think it means we would respond that way to any random post. Especially when they see that as of late we haven't been fond of random posts happening. They were against how we have wanted this board to look.
But I do think some reorganization is important and a general idea that we should be more welcoming and kind to new people is part of that. I still honestly and genuinely believe that we are welcoming and kind most of the time. And I assume this is more a personal opinion but I don't find offense in the way most people here handle their responses to newbies. BUT, there are people here who feel differently, and so having a discussion about how we could collectively tone it down is important.
What we have to remember is that as of late we have not been super receptive to random posts because as part of our culture, WE DIDN'T WANT THEM. We wanted people to read the rules and post the questions in the threads that were designated for them. Unless they were super unique or relevant to the board as a whole. But if we are agreeing here as a community that those posts are ok with us now, then we also have to agree as a whole to be nice to the people who make them when the time comes (or just not participate at all).
I don't think the changes we're suggesting are TOO radical to do all at once. I think the GTKY in the TWW/WTO is something we'll vote on and if it is a go, great, if not, also great. We'll make it work.
I can see a weekly random thread for chatter being really helpful in containing NBR conversation. But I think if the GTKY is still in the TWW/WTO thread it will continue to be cluttered.
I don't remember if anyone has suggested this or not, but what about leaving the GTKYs where they are and just creating a weekly 'Questions about TTC?' Thread? This way everyone can participate in asking and answering questions regardless of whether they're TTA/Benched/TTC etc. Like @Everycol0r said, there are tons of people who probably have fantastic advice but don't actually open the threads where the questions are being asked. This way TWO/TWW doesn't become too depressing and life sucking. But you still have a place where you can get the advice of the community members. And if someone asks something and we think it could be a helpful group discussion or something we would like to be searchable, we can just say hey go make a thread.
I guess my main point is I think we can kind of leave the current threads pretty much as they are, but maybe encourage more whole group discussions by having new types of weekly threads such as weekly newbie threads, the weekly questions thread, or weekly random thread. I know I personally would actually like to interact with the people who Intro themselves but the giant running Intro thread isn't a good way to do it. And honestly newbies might be less likely to do crazy things if they feel more immersed in the culture and get welcomes from the get go.
ETA: as I go back I also realize that suggesting these nice neat threads for people to post in is basically hyper organizing again. I'm sorry! I have trouble letting go. The reality is I just want us to have more places to have whole group conversations, and I think right now we have very little of that happening, so I was suggesting ways in which it could. Can you tell I'm a math teacher? My brain is dictated by logic and organization. Oops.
Ladies, I am mobile bumping after a few mimosas and a bloody mary at brunch but I have something to say.
I love you all and I like that we are having this conversation. I'm learning a lot about this board and how it is ran vs. how we really think it should be run.
Also, can I get a love tit from everyone who has tried to explain what is happening in this thread to their SO and got a blank stare in return? No? Just me? Okay.
Ladies, I am mobile bumping after a few mimosas and a bloody mary at brunch but I have something to say.
I love you all and I like that we are having this conversation. I'm learning a lot about this board and how it is ran vs. how we really think it should be run.
Also, can I get a love tit from everyone who has tried to explain what is happening in this thread to their SO and got a blank stare in return? No? Just me? Okay.
Yes!! Especially yesterday when I was bumping like a crazy person in the car and trying to justify to my DH about why. I was like there are crazy important things happening in terms of organization and blah blah blah and he just looked at me like I was insane.
Ladies, I am mobile bumping after a few mimosas and a bloody mary at brunch but I have something to say.
I love you all and I like that we are having this conversation. I'm learning a lot about this board and how it is ran vs. how we really think it should be run.
Also, can I get a love tit from everyone who has tried to explain what is happening in this thread to their SO and got a blank stare in return? No? Just me? Okay.
Yes!! Especially yesterday when I was bumping like a crazy person in the car and trying to justify to my DH about why. I was like there are crazy important things happening in terms of organization and blah blah blah and he just looked at me like I was insane.
I was trying to explain this to my DH over brunch and he looked at me serious as could be and said very slowly.... "(My name).... Are you a f#%>ing internet troll? Is this what you are always doing on your phone? At least its not Tinder, I guess."
@AliciaGoose I had to lol when I read your ETA like, yeah, that sounds about right! ;) Personally, my gut tells me that a dedicated weekly question thread could get very, Very noisy and then more questions continue to get lost in shuffle, andplusalso, would just open the door to more of the redundant newb questions we all LOVE! So, ultimately not actually help.
BUT! I think ppl should ABSOLUTELY start up all the NBR threads they want! i.e. NBR GTKY: What's for lunch? or the other ones ppl DO start like GoT, OITB, Afterdark, Randoms or whatever.
@clover28 The one thing he asked is "Are you like their leader or something?" I was like no. Not even close. We don't have one. We are a community and that's why we have to have this discussions to make sure we're all happy as a community. He was like "you know it's just the internet right?" Cue me taking offense. JUST THE INTERNET?! Try the most fabulous support system to ever exist DH. Jeez.
@BusinessWife I guess my thing is I REALLY want us to have a place to have whole group discussions that are actually about TTC. I feel like that gets lost because we're all shuffled in our own little boxes of where we belong at a given moment. And we maybe sometimes don't get questions answered because there isn't enough foot traffic. But I also understand how that could become a breeding ground for redundancy and ridiculousness.
But @AliciaGoose, your thread makes SENSE to me. I like the organization. It's why I'm here and not on Glow or BabyCenter. I can find what I'm looking for and the people I consider my friends easily and without wading through pages of 'is this a pregnancy symptom??'.
I'm all for organization and perfectly willing to accept new norms but I agree wholeheartedly with not going too far. And everything else you said because I always agree with what you say .
Me: 32 DH: 33 Married: October 2015 TTC #1: October 2015 EDD #1: June/July 2017
@clover28 Bahaha you are my favorite! I must have looked like I was reading very intently because DH looked over and was like "what are you readin?" And I was like uhhhh.... I'm not even gonna go there lol!
I updated the OP with topics we have and are discussing so when it comes time to love-tit-vote for things in the future, nothing is left out, because I have a horrible on-the-spot memory.
For the "new weekly" threads.. I was thinking; While the weekly newbie intro thread could be on a specific day, the randoms thread could just be a rolling thread that was restarted once it got to 10 pages or something like that. That way, if a discussion is started on Tuesday night, and it's still going on Wednesday, we're not starting a new Randoms thread on Wednesday morning (picking random days, here) because Wednesday is Random thread day... you know? Kind of take that "set in stone" part out of it, and leave it up to the community. Like, someone notices, hey we have 15 pages on this random thread to wade through and nothing's being discussed in depth right now, let's just start a new one. Roll with the punches. It also helps to keep people from saving things they want to share until the new thread is formed because they don't want to post it that night and then have a new thread started that next morning. Thoughts on that?
I'm not sure if I'd be in to a weekly TTC Questions thread. It cuts out the search-ability of questions, which doesn't help with having questions asked frequently by newer members or people who couldn't find a recent discussion in their search attempt. I'd be afraid that it would be the same types of questions every week, and eventually I'm sure people would get sick of answering them over and over. At least with relaxing on the question threads and not pointing everyone toward WTO or TWW, when that question is answered, we can legit just tell someone "hey, this was just asked last week, please use the search bar" kind of thing, like we used to do.
And no, we can't dictate how others respond on the internet, as someone said. But, we can at least be more aware of how we're coming across. You can be blunt and still answer someone's question and give advice and support. It's how the community always worked, but now we've taught some newer members that everything deserves snark and snide comments, like someone else pointed out. That's kind of what got us in to this mess.
I'm just throwing this out there as a random suggestion but I know the Reddit TTC community has "Silly Question Saturday and Sunday" as one of their daily threads. Basically it's just a weekly thread for ladies to go ask whatever "silly" TTC questions they like. Like "how can you tell the difference between EWCM and semen" or "Is there a time of day that is better to do OPKs or does it not matter?" Or whatever else. I'm not going to say it keeps there from being a million random questions posted in separate threads everyday because it doesn't. But I thought it was a somewhat interesting idea since we already have some daily threads that aren't WTO/TWW (Twatwaffle Tuesday, WTF Wednesday, etc.)
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
And no, we can't dictate how others respond on the internet, as someone said. But, we can at least be more aware of how we're coming across.You can be blunt and still answer someone's question and give advice and support. It's how the community always worked, but now we've taught some newer members that everything deserves snark and snide comments, like someone else pointed out. That's kind of what got us in to this mess.
This. I know there have been several question threads recently that are several responses in that are heavy on the snark and super light on advice. I don't want the board to lose the snark, but I also don't want this board to scare away potentially awesome newbies.
I have two thoughts, one on threads and one on people's questions.
When I first started lurking more than a year ago there were all sorts of threads on all sorts of topics, both TTC-related and not. Now there's only the WTO/TWW/Daily threads, and--and I mean this in the nicest way possible--it's so boring! A new person would come to the board and think there's no one here! A year ago there was a lot more activity and it was a lot more fun to visit TB. Of course there were drive-bys and "am I pregnant" threads, but we get those now too. I don't think we should make people afraid to post threads that don't fit into the WTO/TWW/Daily mold and liven this place up a bit.
The threads I mentioned above were people posting questions about TTC, like OPKs, BBT questions, RE visit questions, etc., and they were incredibly informative to a newb like me. Now we direct people to the search bar, but the people who posted about those topics were doing it years ago. They're gone! And in a lot of the old threads the users have been deleted, and all their posts are gone so the threads don't make much sense anymore. We should use the search function to get basic information, but there may be questions beyond that people should feel comfortable asking. Lately those questions are directed to the WTO/TWW threads, but like others have said, they get lost in there. I don't see those questions unless I go into the thread and read them all, which I don't often have time to do. I'd prefer a more prominent place for those questions.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
I was just rereading the thread that kicked this all off, and I want to add that sometimes people need support before they can give support. If someone comes in not knowing anything, we can't expect them to really add to the community before we help them learn (which is likely why they are here in the first place). Some people are better at understanding all the ins and outs of TTC and it's our responsibility to at least sometimes share what we've learned with others without expecting anything in return. We can certainly hope for things in return, but it may take a while before someone is ready or able to give back, in a sense.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I was just rereading the thread that kicked this all off, and I want to add that sometimes people need support before they can give support. If someone comes in not knowing anything, we can't expect them to really add to the community before we help them learn (which is likely why they are here in the first place). Some people are better at understanding all the ins and outs of TTC and it's our responsibility to at least sometimes share what we've learned with others without expecting anything in return. We can certainly hope for things in return, but it may take a while before someone is ready or able to give back, in a sense.
I know I came in to the community and read and lurked, but I still didn't feel comfortable jumping in to any post until I made my intro thread and got a bunch of welcomes and people talking with me one-on-one. I had questions on anyone's experiences TTC while in college and I know I got some "our experience has no bearing on yours", but I also got a lot of encouragement that if we felt like we were ready, then that's all that mattered. I can say that, in my case, that made a huge difference for me. Without that initial burst of support, I don't know that I would have jumped in to the WTO and TWW nearly as quick as I did.
Oh, and I just noted this again and wanted to bring it up: TWs for mentioning children - yay or nay on that? I know I've mentioned it multiple times, but when I was still a newer member, there was a poll (and I wish I could find it) about what needed TWs and what didn't, and children was not something that needed TWs. Obviously a lot of those members have moved on to one place or another, and the community is different now, but can we talk about this and get a general consensus on it? My POV is that they're not needed. I've never seen anyone mention that someone's post about their child was a trigger or caused them to have to leave a thread, but, I could have missed that. We can always do another poll on that, as well. Like I said - that poll was a while ago and the community is quite different now.
Re: TTGP Board Discussion -LAST CALL before voting!-
The WTO/2WW threads are cluttered and my questions have gone unanswered too. I like the idea of separating R/R and CS but I don't think that'll get questions answered more really. I think having a weekly thread about TTGP questions might help people get their questions answered. A lot of us probably have similar questions at some point in our TTGP journey.
Something I really miss that we did last time around was the separate threads announcing pregnancy. I think a huge part of this board is showing support to each other while TTC, of course, but also support when we get ktfu. We all have our own length of time TTC and experiences, but I love celebrating each individual when they get pregnant in their own thread. Everyone should feel the spotlight when they finally get those two pink lines -- it's what we're all here for! That is something I miss the most, I loved reading the individual pregnancy threads, and I felt so damn special when I finally got to create my own when I did get pregnant.
Along that line, while I understand WHY the intros were streamlined into one thread, I miss reading individual intros too. It helped me get to know someone's story before they started posting and made them more than just an avatar or siggy. This would also mean that if someone got a BFP and, God forbid, had a loss, they could reintro so we know they're back and can show support in their loss.
I like the idea of voting with love tits and most wins.
then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW,
because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
Flaming for drive-by "Am I KU" is warranted, but for posting intro threads or what others consider "annoying" questions is ridiculous IMO.
I am guilty of not having read the pinned intro thread so I fully support a weekly Newbie thread.
I also would welcome changes to the TWW and WTO threads. As someone who has had questions ignored in these threads on multiple occasions, I can tell you that it is extremely frustrating to have a question ignored while everyone else is commenting or posting gifs about someone's GTKY answer. I would support a separate GTKY thread.
edit: spelling
Together since 2007 | Married June 2013
TTC #1: June 2015
TTC #2: December 2018
BFP: 2/26/19 | EDD: 11/7/19
TTC #3
Mirena out 1/23/24
I don't really care if people start new threads for questions or we come up with a better way to make sure questions get answered in WTO/TWW. Maybe a mix of both? Like someone said if it is a question that benefits pretty much everyone and it hasn't been its own thread in awhile then sure why not have it as a separate thread. So occasionally we could have a thread about "which supplements do you all take and why?" or a thread on OPKs or whatever else. But maybe if its been its own thread recently we ask that people take any additional questions to WTO/TWW or something? I mean, we don't need a supplement thread every week but there could be a question about supplements that wasn't addressed in the recent supplement thread that someone may want to ask in WTO/TWW. I just chose supplements as an example because it was the first thing that came to mind.
Also, I'd like to appologize for how generally disorganized and rambling this post is. I'll probably try to edit it tomorrow to make it a little more concise, clear and organized because it just isn't happening tonight. I'm just way too tired.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
1) I think we should stop encouraging new people not to post in the graduation thread. For one, seeing a mostly dormant graduation thread is pretty dismal and I think could lead to hopelessness in someone newly TTC. Also, I'm interested in the answers to the grad thread questions by people who have gotten a BFP, even if they are new. And they deserve to feel special too. No one is forcing you to respond if you don't know the person. The whole "regular contributor thing" is just weird. I agree that they should stay in the grad thread.
2) General TTC questions should be allowed, but if they've been asked recently the search feature should be encouraged. Products, apps, and science changes--the best whatever of three years ago might not be the best anymore. Also, keeping questions in the daily threads means we aren't adding to the search archive in a way that's easy to find. And it's really easy to lose the questions, even if you say you have one, because someone posting may not read the 20 posts before hers.
3) I like the idea of a general GTKY.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I do think the number of replies will decrease significantly if the GTKY gets moved because I imagine I will have a lot less people I want to reply to when there's nothing NBR in the post. And I think that is a good thing. This way our replies are genuinely about TTC related topics instead and those threads go back to what they're intended for; discussions about TTC. So I guess what I'm really saying is maybe with moving the GTKY out we can have a nice balance of replies that feel more meaningful? Especially because I feel like replying is a way to build thcommunity up. As long as you don't feel link you need to reply to every person every day even if you have nothing relevant to say to them.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
Whether someone's new or a regular has nothing to do with whether someone should be defended and stood up for or not, and that kind of thinking is exactly what got us in to this mess. I hate to say it, but I feel this is geared toward me since I'm basically the only one who has consistently stood up for new members who haven't done anything wrong but have been treated wrongly for whatever reason, whether posts were meant that way or they were just taken that way. I will not pretend to be okay with things if I don't feel okay with it, which is why I took the initiative to actually start this thread. If this is the mentality of many posters on this board - that we need to stick with regulars and not defend a new member if we see them treated wrongly - then I hate to say it but maybe I'll need to find a different TTGP board to be a member of. I'm not in to sunshine and rainbows, and that's why I love this community.
I'm all for snark, but I also won't sit back and pretend that everything a regular can do is a-okay. New members are why this board thrives, not just ones that have been here a few months or longer. Once we all get our BFPs, the new members are who keep this board alive and who keep it going. If we constantly push new members away and think that they shouldn't be treated fairly just because they're new, or think that we should "side" with a regular over a new member just because they're a regular -- then eventually the board will die and nothing we've done to make it a successful and knowledgeable community will continue.
For a new stickied thread - I think those kinds of things are what's best left for the current threads and for discussion threads, not a stickied thread. You share those kinds of things throughout your stay - I would rather have a legit discussion about what foods you avoid and/or use and what OPKs you use than just turn it in to "go look at this stickied thread to answer your question". That really doesn't change the problem of pushing new members toward this thread or that thread instead of trying to have an actual discussion.
I would love to see a couple of the stickied threads un-stickied, because I just don't feel they're needed - but those are also the ones that @BumpCaitlin and @BumpAdmin started and stickied, so... we can ask, but I doubt they'll un-sticky those.
The TTA/Benched thread is supposed to be meant for those of us who have already started TTC but were stopped for whatever reason. Whether that's a life-problem that forced us to stop TTC for the time being, a loss, medical reasons. It's not really meant for someone who's never TTC and is just looking for a place to check in while they're waiting to start. That's what BOTB is for. We used to have mid-week check-ins for that thread, but once I stepped back from the board for various reasons it didn't continue and went back to just weekly check-ins. I can do my part to help get the mid-week check-ins back up, but personally I don't feel that it needs to be an every-other-day thread. If others feel differently, I have no quelms about it being bumped to more frequently, but... I know sometimes there are days where you're TTA and nothing's changed so having a check-in after just checking-in a few days ago isn't going to change that nothing's changed, you know?
I don't know about TTTC because I've never lurked over there, and I'm not sure what those who would participate there would want, so I can't say anything about that.
I have zero plans to close the discussion and make any voting posts until it's decided as a community that everything's been brought up and hashed out and it's time to do so. I don't want to set a day or time because things change and sometimes people remember other things they're concerned about. So, if the thread dies down over the next couple of days because of the holiday - I'll bump it and ask for more participation, but I don't just close it and take that initiative in my own hands.
@furbabymom2007 - I think love-tits go a long way in this case. I mean, if I'm on CD1, I personally would rather have 10 love-tits and take them as hugs for CD1 than 10 replies reminding me I'm starting my next cycle (which may just be me).
That QFP-theory is really what I also follow and what used to be followed, as far as I'm aware. Quote the OP and respond (ninja QFP, basically), but don't just "QFP" every new member just in case they DD a post. It gets the same result, but it's kind of a whole different way to go about getting that result. One is incognito, but also welcoming and kind, but the other is just putting them in a box.
I also quote because I don't remember who I'm talking to. The only time I don't is if I'm responding to multiple people, and then I open two windows for the same thread, haha.
@TravelingCouple - I know when I first started, it was always "post your BFP in TWW, unless you're a regular, than feel free to start your own AW thread". I don't think I even saw anyone make an AW BFP thread? But I know I miss seeing everyone's BFPs, not just... someone who's been here for a certain length of time, like @yaeger07 said.
I don't mind having the separate BFP thread, because at least then if someone's having a bad day they can avoid it - but, having it with so many rules of "you must be a regular" and flaming people who aren't takes it pretty far, IMO. I get that there are many people who join and get their BFP within a couple of weeks - and you don't really know the community at that time, but... I think it's also discouraging to members who may have been here for their time and participated every day and responded to the community and tried to give support. Those aren't drive-by posts, IMO, but just a newer member who happened to be lucky on their first cycle or two.
I've seen some new members who really immersed themselves in their 2-3 week time here and really tried to get to know the community and did all they could while they were here, and they have every right to post their BFP on the graduation thread for that reason, if you ask me.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I really like the idea of a weekly intro thread, as kind of the opposite of the weekly grad thread. Making people feel welcome by acknowledging them and saying hi are just as important as wishing our grads well as they leave.
With the exception of the weekly grad thread where I think it's totally warranted, I don't particularly like the idea of starting a thread with a bunch of rules and qualifiers.
It just gives the impression right from the start that we only care about the rules. If someone breaks "the rules" we generally have to point it out anyway so why not leave it at that?
While I agree that the GTKY in WTO generally leads to things getting a little clogged, I think that we need to have something fun in the TWW thread. That place gets pretty depressing since we took the BFPs out. Without something fun, TWW is basically going to be us listing out all the awesome things we did to get KTFU and then our BFNs. Maybe not always a GTKY, but at least something to keep us from sobbing into our pineapple core every morning?
Personally, I'd just like to see more overall fun around here! TTC kinda sucks sometimes and it would be awesome if we could try to get a better balance of "this sucks" with "but we're all witty and amazing so we're going to cheer each other up."
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
A weekly newbie intro thread sounds like a superb idea to me.
Fun GTKYs sound awesome.
And just ask your question in its own thread if you need too. Either someone will answer from their experience, tell you to do a search or link a previous applicable thread.
Since I am currently TTA for a little while longer and no longer charting, I absolutely don't read TWW or TWO. So I don't answer any questions in there and I probably do have some advice to some of them, I'm sure.
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I don't have any specific ideas, maybe just encourage keeping WTO more about just TTC stuff but being a little looser about that in TWW. I really like distractions in TWW because by then you've basically done all you can. I'd be all for anything anyone wants to suggest to keep it as light as possible!
Honestly, it was directed a little bit at the conversation that started this whole thing because I have been a regular participants for months. I have consistently tried to be kind and helpful...until a newbie treated the regulars like crap. That's the only time that any type of claws ever came out and I still tried to be pretty balanced there. If you know me at all, you know I don't just run around trying to be a jerk to people. I did absolutely nothing wrong in that other post. I wasn't a jerk to her, I didn't tell her to go away and never come back. However, she was looking for something very specific I was pretty sure that this community wouldn't be able to provide to her. She's gotten some good responses but you'll also note that she hasn't gotten the "Oh yeah, my partner had a reversal and I got KU three months later" that she was hoping to hear.
Frankly, at this point, I'm feeling pretty unwelcome.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
This discussion is more than one-thread, this is a community-wide, months-long issue that I've noticed and wanted to see changed but didn't feel the community was interested in changing or recognizing before this. I saw the green light on that, and went for it.
As for that thread, all I'm going to say is that OP didn't do anything to hurt anyone until a side-argument went on between other members. And if you notice, once she did actually decide to insult the community, I'm pretty sure everyone was on the same page there. No one jumped down anyone's throat for shutting that down. I pointed out I didn't think a QFP (just a QFP, no advice or anything) was necessary, and that whether we've been pregnant or not has nothing to do with whether someone's had a vasectomy reversal done, because it doesn't, and that's what the second post was pointing toward. If it was an intent to suggest another board to post in, then there are better ways to do it than say that since we're not pregnant, she should post her question somewhere else. End of my points and beginning of actual advice and discussion with OP, before someone jumped at me for not thinking a QFP was necessary. I'm pretty sure my post was damn tame and if I really wanted to stir a pot I could have done a lot better than that. She may not get and have gotten many responses in the way of advice, experiences, percentages, and success stories (because she was looking for more than "I got KU three months later"), but if you notice, those that responded to her still tried to give suggestions and encouragement and pave the way so others who may have experience in that area could share theirs.
Like I said - I believe there are better ways of wording a suggestion to try another board, and obviously the way I read it was a negative way and not how it was intended -- but it's the way it was interpreted. There is no cut and dry way to suggest another board to someone, but we can cut out the "we're not pregnant so we can't help you" stuff when someone's asking a legitimate question that doesn't have to do with only pregnancy. We can still give advice and try to help someone, even if we don't have a personal experience with it. I brought up IVF -- any one of us could have brought up IVF because I'm sure we've all talked about it or thought about it.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
That being said, I can see how just simply QFPing and then peacing out can seem unwelcoming. I'm all for the idea of QFPing and hiding it within a response to the poster, whatever the post may be. And I think as long as we try to follow this idea, QFPs will not be misinterpreted as often.
And in general, if you disagree with the idea and think QFPs should only be for TOU violations and people being dicks, then you don't have to QFP. But for those of us who want to I think we should be allowed.
To sum up my rambling: I don't think we should make rules about how/when we can QFP. But I think we should agree if we are going to QFP relatively harmless but still iffy posts (meaning we're worried about DD for whatever reason), we should do it in a way that doesn't make US seem like dicks, and try to do it inconspicuously.
Edit: typos
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
I'm an individual and I will respond to posts however I like. I'm not a jerk and I don't need to be told that when a newbie asks 'this' type of question I'm to respond 'this' certain way, and so on. Regulars here are not one entity with one opinion. People like @NamelessAria are wonderful at being welcoming and patient and kind. Others, myself included, are merely more blunt and efficient. And I believe that when new posts are being made to ask for 'pregnancy success stories' for whatever topic, then it's perfectly reasonable to remind the new poster that many women here have never been pregnant and there's other places more appropriate for that questions.
I'm not saying that this thread won't be a great way to keep the cultural norms evolving here, and I welcome that. But I don't welcome censorship and at the risk of sounding dramatic I just wanted to make sure we are keeping that in check.
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
I would like to start by mentioning where I personally see areas that could be in more critical need of growth, and move onto some of the other issues that have been brought up, - my take on them, what I feel may be the best approach, - and finally what I feel may not be as important to change at all. I will also say that, generally speaking, my tack would be NOT to, "throw the baby out with the bathwater," because when there is a knee-jerk response to go changing everything all at once, we just set ourselves up for this pendulum that keeps swinging back and forth instead of cultivating a strong STABLE board culture. Things may grow and evolve with time, but such wild swings from one way to another way of doing things I think lead to people being flung to the wayside and looking to other boards.
First and foremost, I agree that some of the tone can at times be more hostile than welcoming, and that really should change. And that is up to us. There is a difference between good-humoured snark and off-putting snobbery; one can laugh at itself, the other is just mean. I have been taken aback more than once LATELY at <b>seeing relative newcomers respond with super-mean comments and "bye-bye" gifs</b> that are like, wait a second. 1. who the hell made you the President of the Board Entry Committee and said you get to send people away at the door? 2. Are we actually a welcoming supportive community, or are we those girls at the lunch table? Cos I really don't want to be the latter and that never was me. Unfortunately, that mean-spirited gate-keeper thing can be infectious, and I think some newcomers may have latched onto the way we respond to TOU violations as a "this is how we treat people who come around here and don't know how we do things," and no wonder it comes off mean and people go looking for the warm embrace of the unicorns and rainbows. I think @Kiki75 summed this aspect up very well here:
<blockquote class="Quote">3. If there's a drive-by
question (other than "I'm totes KU riiiiiight???") from basically a
stranger, we start out by trying to be kind. But maybe still responding
with the post quoted. [...truncated...] Quote the post and basically say, "Welcome, here's what I
know about the topic you're asking about, read the Newbie guide, and
please start posting in the WTO/TWW. This is a community, and we try to
support each other."
4. I'm totes KU riiiiiiight??? Quote it and just
say something like "Hi, welcome. Please take down the picture of the
test. Both it and asking the community if you are pregnant are TOU
violations. We can't tell you if you're pregnant. We don't know. The
best thing to do is to test again in two days. If it's positive, no need
to update us, just move on to your BMB. If it's negative, please join
us here starting with the WTO and TWW threads."
</blockquote>Also what @izza2 said:
<blockquote class="Quote">That QFP-theory is really what I also follow and what
used to be followed, as far as I'm aware. Quote the OP and respond
(ninja QFP, basically), but don't just "QFP" every new member just in
case they DD a post. It gets the same result, but it's kind of a whole
different way to go about getting that result. One is incognito, but
also welcoming and kind, but the other is just putting them in a box.
</blockquote>ETA @MelissaM090 's comment:
<blockquote class="Quote">I'm an individual and I will respond to posts however I like. I'm not a
jerk and I don't need to be told that when a newbie asks 'this' type of
question I'm to respond 'this' certain way, and so on. Regulars here are
not one entity with one opinion. People like <a href="https://forums.thebump.com/profile/NamelessAria" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">@NamelessAria</a> are wonderful at being welcoming and patient and kind. Others, myself included, are merely more blunt and efficient. [...] I'm not saying that this thread won't be a great way to keep the
cultural norms evolving here, and I welcome that. But I don't welcome
censorship and at the risk of sounding dramatic I just wanted to make
sure we are keeping that in check.
</blockquote>
Moving on from there, in the newbie thread, it does encourage people to search for the answers to their questions, <b>maybe this can be more explicitly and/or instructively worded?</b> but I agree with @yaeger07 that times change and it doesn't help new conversation unfold if they get shut down and redirected all the time. Granted the same old questions do get old, but I know I am personally more receptive to a question where someone starts off by saying, "I have used the search tool and found this or that, but I am still curious about..." Okay, now we can talk. So it's kind of a fine line for what people have the patience for, and that I think cuts to the heart of why questions may or may not be getting answered. @Kiki75 also said:
<blockquote class="Quote">2. If it's just a minor question, that goes
in the WTO/TWW threads however we decide to do those in there. I think
the <b>bolded ***Question in R/R/CS*** still works</b>. Times that they don't
get answered I think it's usually because people don't have answers they
feel confident about. So if it doesn't get answered, ask again in a day
or two and maybe someone who has cycled in will know. If it's a major
deal and you've tried in WTO/TWW go ahead and post it as a separate
question, "I've asked this in WTO/TWW and didn't get an answer. I'm
kinda freaking out. Do any of you know?"
</blockquote>I agree, but I would also add two things. 1. If posters are asking for a CS and I am on mobile, I really can't CS you if your chart is only linked in your siggy. I am going to have to have a lot of time on my hands to post a response telling you that I can't see your chart b/c it's in your siggy and I am on mobile and by that time, I may opt to just let people who CAN see your chart handle it. 2. If posters are asking questions that feel redundant, I may need to dig deep to find the time/patience to type out an answer. But sometimes that is what needs to be done. Lots of times, people have questions that actually get answered over the course of their TWW or WTO, let's say that just come from the experience of going through another cycle. A lot of questions have a way of working themselves out if people stick around long enough, and maybe that's sometimes why people don't always make the time to respond to Every Little Thing.
I agree that changing too much verbiage in the WTO/TWW threads would be ill-advised. If we want to break out the<b> R/R </b>from the <b>Q/CS</b>, fine. If people want to <b>ask a more TTC-related GTKY once in a while</b>, Cool! But I don't think taking it out completely is the way to go because, not only what @RedBreast35 and others have said, about giving you something else to talk about when your cycle is dull, but also this: ***Okay, somebody said it and now I can't find it,*** but it was about<b> how the GTKY creates a sense of camaraderie among the people with whom you are sharing that part of the cycle. You have this sense that you are all in the same boat, </b>and by the end of the TWW you are genuinely rooting for people's BFP's because you feel like you got to know them more personally. Or even WTO, you're now genuinely rooting for people's timing etc. because you know what's going on in their lives and THAT is how people become more than just a screenname. Maybe that would still happen through the R/R and Q/CS, maybe the GTKY is unnecessary, but I don't really see the WTO/TWW as "broke" except to make it more clear that questions and true CS can go in that line, and maybe if you are just blabbing about your chart or whatever, without an actual question, then leave it under R/R and put, "N/A," or "Not today," in the line for questions and keep it moving. That alone would clean up those threads.
@NamelessAria and other PPs have made a lot of great points about replies. While some members feel they can and have time to do the mass replies - which are WONDERFUL AND SO WELCOMING!!! Of course almost nobody could do that every day for everyone, and by the same token, no one should feel obligated that, "You get a personal reply and You get a personal reply,"
<img src="https://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/oprahyouandyouandyoulego.gif" alt="">
It's wonderful when it happens, but by no means should people feel that they can't participate on those threads if they can't do that, all or nothing kind of thing. Please. <3
And also this: @izza2
<blockquote class="Quote"><a href="https://forums.thebump.com/profile/furbabymom2007" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">@furbabymom2007</a>
- I think love-tits go a long way in this case. I mean, if I'm on CD1, I
personally would rather have 10 love-tits and take them as hugs for CD1
than 10 replies reminding me I'm starting my next cycle (which may just
be me).
</blockquote>Of course, no one is GLAD that you are on CD1 but personally, seeing ANY post of mine with a million love-tits, you really do just, "feel the love-tits," and that means a lot.
So back to overall board culture, like @izza2 and others have said,
<blockquote class="Quote">As for what questions should be able to have their own posts, I have a couple thoughts on that.
1.
If the question is likely to apply to the community and the discussion
and answers could benefit a good portion of the group, by all means,
start a new discussion!
</blockquote>and further add the same goes for GTKYs. I second @RedBreast35 that people should not be afraid to <b>have fun on here</b> and post whatever GTKYs they want, any time! [ See me trying my hand at making my first ever meme: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12657557/epic-jackie-chan ] Which, although now I would definitely go back and tweak, I still felt should have gotten like WAAAAAAY more love-tits lol
I will say though, that I am very grateful for the waiting period and the newb guide b/c I definitely joined TB during a TWW where I was driving myself particularly BSC insane SS and if I had just posted right away would have totally gotten flamed, so it forced me to lurk and learn and take some deep breaths and get to know the board. I think when newbs get semi-flamed they forget that we have all been in their shoes and it's not that we don't get it. It's out of love. So if we can all remember that, and that true snark comes from a loving place, that may help.
Just some quickie closing remarks:
<b>INTROS </b>- We moved them to the main thread for a reason. I'm not saying I've read them all either, but I feel like when I see people actively participating, that means more to me anyway, and if I see them around long enough, or just because I see a new name pop up and I have time, I can always go back and see their intro and get a better view of where they are coming from. I also don't mind if obv you know<b> this is your first time posting in WTO/TWW, say so! Then people can make a point to go check your intro post and get to know you better. </b> If people really feel there's something wrong with how it is now, then I
guess the weekly intro could be a compromise, but I'm honestly not all
that worried about it.
<b>STICKIES </b>- I was not here when most of those were started, so I don't have an opinion on whether someone needs to push to have them un-stickied. I just scroll past them and kind of wonder why they are so important that they need to be at the top, but whatevs.
<b>BFPs </b>- Leave them in the weekly thread, but don't discourage people from posting there. Yes, you may get what seem like drive-by BFP's but who cares. People who have been actively participating for all of the three weeks it took them to get their BFP, God bless them, they should absolutely get to post there and move onto their BMBs with all our best wishes. If you're having a rough TTC day, just don't even go there. To me, I think <b>it's more depressing to see that thread just be dead on the fourth page</b> of threads like, "wth is NOBODY getting KU over here, or what?" I can think of one member I consider a regular who has been here about as long as me, for sure, and she didn't even MENTION her BFP because the language on there made her feel like maybe she shouldn't be posting cos she hadn't been as active lately, and to me, that's not right.
and finally,
<img title="Image: https://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/amy-poehler-tina-fey-drinking.gif" src="https://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/amy-poehler-tina-fey-drinking.gif" alt="">
I love you guys, you're all the greatest. Srrsly.
*Also edited to correct typo.
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
@BusinessWife
"To me, I think it's more depressing to see that thread just be dead on the fourth page of threads like, "wth is NOBODY getting KU over here, or what?""
Could not agree more.
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
But I do think some reorganization is important and a general idea that we should be more welcoming and kind to new people is part of that. I still honestly and genuinely believe that we are welcoming and kind most of the time. And I assume this is more a personal opinion but I don't find offense in the way most people here handle their responses to newbies. BUT, there are people here who feel differently, and so having a discussion about how we could collectively tone it down is important.
What we have to remember is that as of late we have not been super receptive to random posts because as part of our culture, WE DIDN'T WANT THEM. We wanted people to read the rules and post the questions in the threads that were designated for them. Unless they were super unique or relevant to the board as a whole. But if we are agreeing here as a community that those posts are ok with us now, then we also have to agree as a whole to be nice to the people who make them when the time comes (or just not participate at all).
I don't think the changes we're suggesting are TOO radical to do all at once. I think the GTKY in the TWW/WTO is something we'll vote on and if it is a go, great, if not, also great. We'll make it work.
I can see a weekly random thread for chatter being really helpful in containing NBR conversation. But I think if the GTKY is still in the TWW/WTO thread it will continue to be cluttered.
I don't remember if anyone has suggested this or not, but what about leaving the GTKYs where they are and just creating a weekly 'Questions about TTC?' Thread? This way everyone can participate in asking and answering questions regardless of whether they're TTA/Benched/TTC etc. Like @Everycol0r said, there are tons of people who probably have fantastic advice but don't actually open the threads where the questions are being asked. This way TWO/TWW doesn't become too depressing and life sucking. But you still have a place where you can get the advice of the community members. And if someone asks something and we think it could be a helpful group discussion or something we would like to be searchable, we can just say hey go make a thread.
I guess my main point is I think we can kind of leave the current threads pretty much as they are, but maybe encourage more whole group discussions by having new types of weekly threads such as weekly newbie threads, the weekly questions thread, or weekly random thread. I know I personally would actually like to interact with the people who Intro themselves but the giant running Intro thread isn't a good way to do it. And honestly newbies might be less likely to do crazy things if they feel more immersed in the culture and get welcomes from the get go.
ETA: as I go back I also realize that suggesting these nice neat threads for people to post in is basically hyper organizing again. I'm sorry! I have trouble letting go. The reality is I just want us to have more places to have whole group conversations, and I think right now we have very little of that happening, so I was suggesting ways in which it could. Can you tell I'm a math teacher? My brain is dictated by logic and organization. Oops.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
I love you all and I like that we are having this conversation. I'm learning a lot about this board and how it is ran vs. how we really think it should be run.
Also, can I get a love tit from everyone who has tried to explain what is happening in this thread to their SO and got a blank stare in return? No? Just me? Okay.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
BUT! I think ppl should ABSOLUTELY start up all the NBR threads they want! i.e. NBR GTKY: What's for lunch? or the other ones ppl DO start like GoT, OITB, Afterdark, Randoms or whatever.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
I'm all for organization and perfectly willing to accept new norms but I agree wholeheartedly with not going too far. And everything else you said because I always agree with what you say
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
eta: "at least it's not Tinder" I'm dying!!
DX Diminished Ovarian Reserve, Factor V Leiden Mutation, Secondary Infertility
MFI (SA #1Count 11mill, Motility: 18%, Morphology: 1%)
AMH .328 | FSH 13.2
For the "new weekly" threads.. I was thinking;
While the weekly newbie intro thread could be on a specific day, the randoms thread could just be a rolling thread that was restarted once it got to 10 pages or something like that. That way, if a discussion is started on Tuesday night, and it's still going on Wednesday, we're not starting a new Randoms thread on Wednesday morning (picking random days, here) because Wednesday is Random thread day... you know? Kind of take that "set in stone" part out of it, and leave it up to the community. Like, someone notices, hey we have 15 pages on this random thread to wade through and nothing's being discussed in depth right now, let's just start a new one. Roll with the punches.
It also helps to keep people from saving things they want to share until the new thread is formed because they don't want to post it that night and then have a new thread started that next morning.
Thoughts on that?
I'm not sure if I'd be in to a weekly TTC Questions thread. It cuts out the search-ability of questions, which doesn't help with having questions asked frequently by newer members or people who couldn't find a recent discussion in their search attempt. I'd be afraid that it would be the same types of questions every week, and eventually I'm sure people would get sick of answering them over and over. At least with relaxing on the question threads and not pointing everyone toward WTO or TWW, when that question is answered, we can legit just tell someone "hey, this was just asked last week, please use the search bar" kind of thing, like we used to do.
And no, we can't dictate how others respond on the internet, as someone said. But, we can at least be more aware of how we're coming across. You can be blunt and still answer someone's question and give advice and support. It's how the community always worked, but now we've taught some newer members that everything deserves snark and snide comments, like someone else pointed out. That's kind of what got us in to this mess.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
When I first started lurking more than a year ago there were all sorts of threads on all sorts of topics, both TTC-related and not. Now there's only the WTO/TWW/Daily threads, and--and I mean this in the nicest way possible--it's so boring! A new person would come to the board and think there's no one here! A year ago there was a lot more activity and it was a lot more fun to visit TB. Of course there were drive-bys and "am I pregnant" threads, but we get those now too. I don't think we should make people afraid to post threads that don't fit into the WTO/TWW/Daily mold and liven this place up a bit.
The threads I mentioned above were people posting questions about TTC, like OPKs, BBT questions, RE visit questions, etc., and they were incredibly informative to a newb like me. Now we direct people to the search bar, but the people who posted about those topics were doing it years ago. They're gone! And in a lot of the old threads the users have been deleted, and all their posts are gone so the threads don't make much sense anymore. We should use the search function to get basic information, but there may be questions beyond that people should feel comfortable asking. Lately those questions are directed to the WTO/TWW threads, but like others have said, they get lost in there. I don't see those questions unless I go into the thread and read them all, which I don't often have time to do. I'd prefer a more prominent place for those questions.
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
I can say that, in my case, that made a huge difference for me. Without that initial burst of support, I don't know that I would have jumped in to the WTO and TWW nearly as quick as I did.
Oh, and I just noted this again and wanted to bring it up:
TWs for mentioning children - yay or nay on that? I know I've mentioned it multiple times, but when I was still a newer member, there was a poll (and I wish I could find it) about what needed TWs and what didn't, and children was not something that needed TWs. Obviously a lot of those members have moved on to one place or another, and the community is different now, but can we talk about this and get a general consensus on it?
My POV is that they're not needed. I've never seen anyone mention that someone's post about their child was a trigger or caused them to have to leave a thread, but, I could have missed that.
We can always do another poll on that, as well. Like I said - that poll was a while ago and the community is quite different now.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023