What about a... monthly intro thread..?.. July Newbies: Introduce Yourself
I think there are plenty of newbies each week to keep that up on the first page. What do you think? Or maybe a weekly thread is better. Idk. I was thinking of labeling the title.
Me: 27 years old DH: 27 years old Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
Married in July 2014
TTC #1 since late Feb 2016
BFP #1 3/29/16 MMC: 5/5/16 BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16 BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17 My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast: Juicebox Podcast Episode 118 A1Cs: 1/12/16 6.7% 5/25/16 6.0% 11/2/16 6.1% 3/22/16 5.8% 4/27/17 5.4% 6/13/17 5.3% "Sugar Fancy Tutu"
@Sugargirl1019 I really like the idea of a monthly intro thread. Weekly is kind of overboard I think. Regardless of a weekly or a monthly, I think no one should feel obligated to intro themselves before jumping into all the other threads. Because honestly, even though we'll all come to a compromise on the situation, a lot of us won't read the intro thread at all, even though we may have really good intentions. Cough cough.
@Sugargirl1019 I really like the idea of a monthly intro thread. Weekly is kind of overboard I think. Regardless of a weekly or a monthly, I think no one should feel obligated to intro themselves before jumping into all the other threads. Because honestly, even though we'll all come to a compromise on the situation, a lot of us won't read the intro thread at all, even though we may have really good intentions. Cough cough.
I don't think everyone has to read and/or respond to the intros. If you don't like to read them, there's no reason you should be obligated to! I figure there will naturally be a "Welcome Wagon" emerge of people who do like to read and respond to intros. That's the beauty of a community, it takes all kinds!
I'm not opposed to the monthly thread, but I do worry it might get really long. Take a look at the pinned thread and see how many intros have been posted this month alone. I looked at it last Tuesday or Wednesday I think and it tells me there are 47 new posts so....
Me: 36, DH: 40
Married: July 22, 2008 Fur babies: Yeti (cat)
#1 Boy E 9/30/17 #2 Girl A 7/27/2020 #3 ?? ? est. 1/5/2025
I'm late chiming in, but just wanted to add my thoughts: -I am not a fan of individual intros. I am guilty of not reading the mega intro thread, but was also guilty of not reading the personal intros. I might read a weekly intro thread, I might not. If you are going to be a part of TTGP, then WTO/TWW is where you really add value.
-I like the weekly BFP thread. When I am in the TWW, its easier not to have it littered with BFPs.
-I think people should post fun threads that they are inspired to do. I started the "After Dark" thread a while ago because I saw it in another group and thought it was fun. I didn't ask permission or anything, and if people hated it, they wouldn't have responded. That's the awesome thing about a message board. You get immediate feedback on interest level of people in a topic. -I personally was never one to jump in with crazy mean gifs even on BSC drive-bys. Not gonna lie, I do enjoy them on a crazy train thread. I have had a child, so I don't feel the knee jerk reaction to respond that people here won't know the answer to a question. Sometimes, I do have things to respond with from my first pregnancy. I personally think the Tri boards kind of suck cuz they're such a mishmash of random stuff. So I don't rush to recommend someone go there, cuz I don't (and probably won't) go there myself. But a lot of times, people are mentioning multiple losses and the IF boards do make more sense. I think people here are sensitive to that here though.
-As for GTKY, I don't care if they stay or leave WTO/TWW. Sometimes it does get tricky in the morning trying to think of a good question. If someone has a good one, make a thread. -I also personally don't think the board is too cluttered. However, I wish people would search a bit because for the typical prenatal vitamins and OPK threads, a 2 minute search would probably answer their question.
Me: 33 DH: 31 DS: 5 years old TTC #2 since August 2015 July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature / 9 fertilized / 2 blasts November 2016: FET#1 = chemical January 2017: FET#2 = chemical March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
April 24, 2017: FET#3 - BFN May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
I'm pretty flexible on whatever the general consensus is. But i pretty much nodded my head while reading along to everything @Megzb510 said. I do like the idea of a weekly newbie thread. That way maybe the new ladies will be less likely to start a separate thread because it won't feel like their intro is getting lost in the hundreds of others
Me: 30 DH: 31 Married 2010 TTC since Nov. 2015 BFP#1: 2/8/16 MC: 3/19/16 BFP#2: 9/3/16 EDD: 5/17/17
I'm pretty flexible on whatever the general consensus is. But i pretty much nodded my head while reading along to everything @Megzb510 said. I do like the idea of a weekly newbie thread. That way maybe the new ladies will be less likely to start a separate thread because it won't feel like their intro is getting lost in the hundreds of others
I'm pretty flexible on whatever the general consensus is. But i pretty much nodded my head while reading along to everything @Megzb510 said. I do like the idea of a weekly newbie thread. That way maybe the new ladies will be less likely to start a separate thread because it won't feel like their intro is getting lost in the hundreds of others
Good point - I hadn't thought of that!
Agreed!! And also if we're good about liking and commenting on the intro posts, I think they'll be more likely to go there too! I am so guilty of reading but not commenting or love titting the noobs.
I wanted to add my 2 cents as a not-so-regular poster...
1. I love the weekly BFP threads. They are so great to read and cheer for when I'm having a good TTC day but I can ignore them when it feels too hard. 2. I like the GTKY questions in the WTO/TWW threads but I understand that they definitely steer the conversation away from TTC so I would be totally okay with putting them in their own threads. 3. I love the idea of a weekly intro thread. I think it keeps it small and manageable, because when threads get to be 5, 6, 7 pages long, I don't even open them most of the time. It's too overwhelming.
I'm going to leave it at that because, like I said, I'm not totally a regular and I am more than comfortable that you ladies have got this on lock!
Me: 32 years old
DH: 33 years old
Married in May 16, 2015
TTC #1 (on and off) since September 2015 DS1 Due 6.7.2021
That being said, I do like the idea of a weekly TTC questions thread. I do think that things get missed in the daily threads that could add value. I understand the repetitive aspect of a questions thread like that, but it could be worth a try? Maybe we could do it for a few weeks and see how it goes. Like someone else said earlier (sorry, I don't remember who), nothing that we decide here needs to be set in stone.
Me: 32 years old
DH: 33 years old
Married in May 16, 2015
TTC #1 (on and off) since September 2015 DS1 Due 6.7.2021
@Maggie1202 - Once things are really implemented I figure we can do like a month-check-in or something (whenever people think it would be best) to see how everyone's dealing with the changes and anything that needs to be re-evaluated.
Also - I'm starting to think about the love-tit-voting process because the thread has really died down. For the separation of R/R and CS/Qs - I crossed that off, since it's already started and been implemented and no one's complained so I'm just taking that as an "a-okay". And for the random GTKYs - no one had a problem with them and they've been started already, so I crossed that off, too.
Some things are cut and dry, like obviously: Post one: Love-tit for a "yes" for TWs for children Post two: Love-tit for a "no" for TWs for children
But for like the QFP thing - I think we kind of discussed it and just kind of been more aware for posts since it was brought up, but do we still want to vote on that, or just see how things go and be more mindful?
And... if it kind of stays dead like this, do we want to start the voting this weekend at some point? I'll try to keep it toward the top no matter what so that everyone sees it, but... I've had to bump it the last two days, haha.
@Maggie1202 - Once things are really implemented I figure we can do like a month-check-in or something (whenever people think it would be best) to see how everyone's dealing with the changes and anything that needs to be re-evaluated.
Also - I'm starting to think about the love-tit-voting process because the thread has really died down. For the separation of R/R and CS/Qs - I crossed that off, since it's already started and been implemented and no one's complained so I'm just taking that as an "a-okay". And for the random GTKYs - no one had a problem with them and they've been started already, so I crossed that off, too.
Some things are cut and dry, like obviously: Post one: Love-tit for a "yes" for TWs for children Post two: Love-tit for a "no" for TWs for children
But for like the QFP thing - I think we kind of discussed it and just kind of been more aware for posts since it was brought up, but do we still want to vote on that, or just see how things go and be more mindful? I don't think we need to vote, and that just being mindful of QFP-ing and seeing how things go.
And... if it kind of stays dead like this, do we want to start the voting this weekend at some point? I'll try to keep it toward the top no matter what so that everyone sees it, but... I've had to bump it the last two days, haha. Maybe change the title to include "last call before voting" so people can get their say in before voting starts. I think most of the regs have posted in this thread and a bunch of newbies, so I think we can move to voting soon.
@Maggie1202 - Once things are really implemented I figure we can do like a month-check-in or something (whenever people think it would be best) to see how everyone's dealing with the changes and anything that needs to be re-evaluated.
Also - I'm starting to think about the love-tit-voting process because the thread has really died down. For the separation of R/R and CS/Qs - I crossed that off, since it's already started and been implemented and no one's complained so I'm just taking that as an "a-okay". And for the random GTKYs - no one had a problem with them and they've been started already, so I crossed that off, too.
Some things are cut and dry, like obviously: Post one: Love-tit for a "yes" for TWs for children Post two: Love-tit for a "no" for TWs for children
But for like the QFP thing - I think we kind of discussed it and just kind of been more aware for posts since it was brought up, but do we still want to vote on that, or just see how things go and be more mindful? I don't think we need to vote, and that just being mindful of QFP-ing and seeing how things go.
And... if it kind of stays dead like this, do we want to start the voting this weekend at some point? I'll try to keep it toward the top no matter what so that everyone sees it, but... I've had to bump it the last two days, haha. Maybe change the title to include "last call before voting" so people can get their say in before voting starts. I think most of the regs have posted in this thread and a bunch of newbies, so I think we can move to voting soon.
since this is a very open discussion, I just wanted to throw my thoughts in the ring. H and I just started TTC within the last month. I came to this board after using Wedding Wire while wedding planning (Married 8/29/16). I am not sure what the regular posters feel towards WW, but I loved it over there and have made some great friends, like I see many of you have done here. The open discussion and snark there really keeps it fun and interesting. That being said, when I joined this board, I was SHOCKED by all the rules and lack of threads each day. I totally understand the need/want to de-clutter, but I agree with PP that I think it discourages people from creating threads even if they have a legitimate reason, which thus hinders normal discussion.
The one thing that I 100% disagree with (and other PP have mentioned this) is the weekly graduation thread being just for 'regular contributors'. I am early to the TTC game, so I have enjoyed reading this thread daily and hearing success stories, and would love to see more. Plus, it would be a great point of reference for all the 'how long did it take you to get KU after X type of BC" threads.
I haven't commented but have been following the thread. I've been a regular poster since December of last year.
1) I like the grad thread. It gives a chance for a little AW without going overboard, but also allows anyone having a hard TTC day to skip more easily & still participate in the TWW thread if they wish.
2) I don't think existing kids need a TW
3) I don't think LOSS should have a TW in TTGP. Loss is a part of TTC and shouldn't be avoiding in discussion. I get it on a BMB but not here. Perhaps my TTC journey has me a bit biased, but I feel that those of us who have been in that position feel more supported knowing we aren't alone & that shouldn't just have to happen on the TTCAL or Loss boards.
4) I am down for either weekly or monthly intro thread. I rarely read the big thread. It started while I have been here.
5) I think TOU violations should be called out and snark is OK.
6) I think that if someone asks a question that is not a TOU issue we should try to answer it but it is OK to direct them to the newbie guide it if would be better for WTO/TWW.
7) I think that some more positive and fun threads would be great! More GTKU. NBR sharing of favs, fitness, etc.
@MrsBinPA - The one thing about TWs for loss is that I know people have mentioned that when they're having a bad day or are in a fragile spot, they may need to skip over a post about loss or at least mentally prepare themselves, instead of seeing it without a warning and being set off on a tail spin. I think it was brought up a couple of months ago (?) and the majority agreed that the TW for loss was helpful so that others going through a loss or who couldn't handle a post about loss could just skip that portion.
I'll add it to the OP, since anything discussed should be added (IMO) so that nothing is left out and ignored, though. Worst comes to worst - we can have another TW poll if people feel it would be beneficial. I know the one I remember was when I first joined in September, so it's been a while.
ETA: Do you guys just want me to make an off-site multi-select poll with TW topics so everyone can vote on the individual topics they feel need TWs? I can make one today while I'm at work.
@MrsBinPA You literally nailed it. I am 100% on the same page as you.
I didn't bring up the loss TW because I figured that is something that wouldn't change. I guess what I'm curious about is who does the mention of loss trigger? Is it other people who have experienced loss and want to avoid the topic because it brings back memories and pain? Or is it people who have never experienced it but are afraid of it happening? I suppose it could be both.
Since I have suffered my loss I have become a huge proponent of making loss less taboo. It's an unfortunately natural part of the TTC process and not talking about it doesn't make it go away, it just forces people who go through it to suffer alone. Loss is isolating because we have collectively decided as a culture that our experience should be hidden and mourned in silence. We almost aren't allowed the appropriate opportunity to grieve because no one is supposed to know we are even grieving. That TW is just another reminder that my experience is something others shy away from hearing about. The reality is, my loss is a part of my daily life. There is no making it go away. And I will never not be already thinking about it in the back of my mind even if someone else brings it up. So the TW serves no purpose for me.
Sorry. I'll step down from my soap box now. But this has been bothering me for a while. And I just saw an opportunity and ran with it.
@AliciaGoose - I feel like I shouldn't have an opinion on TWs for loss because I've never experienced one. I always thought they were for those that have gone through loss and want to avoid the topic.
@AliciaGoose EXACTLY! I think that the TW for loss, not on a BMB, is for those who haven't had one! I would love to hear justification from someone who has had loss and still wants it. TW it every time makes me feel like shit.
I refuse to TW my siggy. I "might" if I get in a BMB again, but I feel like it just stigmatizes me.
I'm not a fan of needing to TW my losses but I completely understand the justification of some wanting it. I know that shortly after my losses, it was nice to have a bit of a heads up but I usually still read them anyway. I was 100% in the taboo category before but now that I'm past it, I wish it was a more easily approachable topic. It is helpful to understand that others have experienced it which is what I'm moving forward with. But I also understand that at first isolation may feel like a necessity. After my BFP post in November, I never even made a 'hey I'm back' post (back when we had individual threads) because I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself. I just kind of laid low for a while before jumping back into WTO/TWW. I'm up for either option but am absolutely content no longer TW loss although if it makes others feel better, I have no issue continuing to do so.
I'm going to have to say that I'm a fan of not having to TW loss. But I'm extremely biased because pretty much my entire TTC journey is a giant TW. It can be difficult to find ways to phrase what is going on with me, what's on my mind, what I'm doing in terms of testing/treatment and such without referring to previous pregnancy/loss in some shape, form or fashion. And sometimes trying to figure out how to talk about things without basically just saying "this whole post is a giant TW." is just too exhausting and I skip posting.
However I'm totally willing to go along with whatever everyone else wants to do. I understand that it can be hard to read about loss especially when it's really fresh and still so very painful. And I certainly don't want to make anything any harder on anyone else. I'll go along with whatever the community decides on this.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
@MrsBinPA I also refused to TW my siggy. I agree on a BMB I might consider it again.
All of that being said, I absolutely do not want anyone who has experienced a loss to be blind sided if they genuinely feel that they can't handle hearing about loss. Just because I feel one way doesn't mean everyone else feels that way. But I would also be interested in just hearing the perspective of someone who has experienced loss and wants the TW's so I can try to empathize with them.
@nwegman7878 Was it because you were on the taboo train you felt you needed the TWs or was it because of the feelings associated with thinking about your loss?
@izza2 Thank you for your perspective and also the poll!
ETA: @NamelessAria You just summed up another point that I think is really important. It is really hard for me to even post anymore without in some way mentioning my loss because it is very recent and very relevant to what is happening with my body right now. I have to wonder every time I say something 'Is this mention in passing of the fact that I experienced a loss enough to warrant a TW even though I'm not really giving details?' A lot of times I just put a giant TW at the beginning of my post and let people decide for themselves if they want to venture on after that.
AliciaGoose A little bit of both. I mean lets be honest, when anyone has a loss, it's all you can think about. It's all consuming and you become a member of the not so fun 'Loss Club'. I really don't feel like the TW made a huge difference to me. I had to come to terms with my grieving at my own pace but I hate that I felt like I couldn't talk about it. Plenty of women here have had to unfortunately deal with this, and even a number of us have had multiple. I know especially after my second, I felt like an outsider and didn't feel that anyone could empathize even though the ladies in this group are so damn supportive. A lot of that was my own personal issues and why I think we see a lot of women taking time for themselves after a loss. When something bad happens here, we are very supportive and do that the best we can over a keyboard. Unfortunately I think most women are in that state of mind that no one understands them and they just need to grieve. I know that now (for the most part) I can talk openly about mine, what caused them, and hope to use my experiences to empathize with other women on this board. I'm not sure what eliminating the TW would do for the board either way. I would hope that it would remove a lot of the taboo of loss but at the same time, although CPs and such are common, I would never want to make anyone feel like their loss doesn't matter. I know that my SIL were just like 'oh yeah its common, it happens to everyone' kind of talk and that was really depressing. It's hard to respect the wishes and comfort of everyone on the board but I would be willing to continue to TW if anyone on the board would feel more comfortable with them being there.
Sorry for that tangent but I get a little carried away talking about this topic.
ETA: I completely agree with @NamelessAria. I think we're on a lot of the same page because we have different yet similar experiences. I absolutely understand and agree that it's hard to discuss any testing or treatment I've undergone without using the TW.
@nwegman7878 That is understandable. And you are so right, the thing about loss is even though many of us have experienced it, none of us have had the same experience. Everyone handle's things differently. And while we can empathize we can never truly step in someone else's shoes.
I don't think getting rid of the TW would marginalize loss in any way. At least I hope it wouldn't. I agree that the opposite end of the spectrum where people know about your loss and try to force you not to grieve for whatever the reason may be is just as bad if not worse as mourning it alone.
I don't want the fact that loss is common to become a reason why we shouldn't be allowed to mourn. I want the fact that loss is common to be a reason we should be allowed to mourn publicly and with the support of people around us.
Speaking as someone who has not suffered a loss, I will absolutely do whatever that means to respect the wishes of those who have - realizing that it's hard because of course, no two people may feel the same way about it.
Loss is sad, and it's real, and I sincerely apologize if using a TW has made anyone feel marginalized in their suffering At All. 100% not my intent.
I use them for loss beacause about my first or second post on TB, I had my head bitten off for Not using a TW, and I was like, sheesh, Wow! I had no idea! So I just assumed that was the opinion of the community, that it's too painful for those who have experienced it, not to have the courtesy of a heads up.
I'm honestly surprised to hear from people who have experienced them that they are Not fans if the TW, and that the intent of being gentle with people's feelings on the subject may have actually had the opposite affect. Again, I am sorry if that's the case, because I have just been following that "rule" of the community. And I'm still shocked to hear what I thought the reasoning behind it, may not be true. <img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/44/suuo5i63m5g7.gif" alt="">
@BusinessWife i don't necessarily feel like using a TW for loss had the opposite effect on me, it's just more of an annoyance to have to stop and add a **TW** before mentioned anything about my loss because it is an integral part of my TTC journey so far. I personally have never been triggered by hearing about losses that others have experienced. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in what I've gone through.
But like others have said, I also understand if it bothers someone and they would rather have a TW. I would rather have that small annoyance than to unintentionally bring up bad memories for someone when they weren't expecting it.
Me: 30 DH: 31 Married 2010 TTC since Nov. 2015 BFP#1: 2/8/16 MC: 3/19/16 BFP#2: 9/3/16 EDD: 5/17/17
@BusinessWife At this point I could still be the minority. There can absolutely be people who have experienced loss who can't stand to think or read about it. As a matter of fact my DH avoids reading or watching anything pregnancy or baby related all together now (though I really think men deal with pregnancy loss much differently than women do). If that's the case I want to make sure their feelings are protected as well. I just can't imagine it because I come from a place where I am already always thinking about my loss and a place where I feel like my loss has become a part of me. TWing it just reminds me that I am a walking taboo.
@BusinessWife At this point I could still be the minority. There can absolutely be people who have experienced loss who can't stand to think or read about it. As a matter of fact my DH avoids reading or watching anything pregnancy or baby related all together now (though I really think men deal with pregnancy loss much differently than women do). If that's the case I want to make sure their feelings are protected as well. I just can't imagine it because I come from a place where I am already always thinking about my loss and a place where I feel like my loss has become a part of me. TWing it just reminds me that I am a walking taboo.
I don't think it's that they don't think the loss is a part of them, but it's rather that others don't always handle things the same way. I can't say for sure, but I don't doubt that if I lost a child I would avoid the topic while things were still fresh, because it would throw me in to a downward spiral. When I lost my brother, I couldn't handle anything that had to do with losses because I would burst in to tears. A lot of women take time to heal and take care of themselves while the loss is still new - but not everyone does, and even when you've taken that time, some people still want to avoid the topic when they are able.
I hate that some of you see it as pointing a "taboo topic" sign to it - but I've never seen it that way. I've added TWs for topics that I've personally experienced and didn't feel like doing so meant that I shouldn't share my experience or that it was becoming a taboo topic. It was just a kind, two second warning that the topic I was talking about and bringing up could be tough for certain people affected by that subject.
For instance:
**Suicide mentioned** My brother committed suicide in 2006. Ten years later I still have days that I can't handle the subject without it throwing me in to a ball of tears and making me have to leave the conversation. I appreciate the TW for the subject so that, on those days where I know I can't handle it, I can skip that topic or that post and continue on with other things. And then when I'm up to it - I can go back and read what was said, if I so please.
izza2 I understand what you're saying. And I didn't mean to say that the TW was making it feel taboo. I just feel like as a whole loss is taboo. Loss is something that has effected a lot of people on this board and has become a part of each of our stories. As PP said, its hard to talk sometimes about our stories because our losses are so intertwined with our TTC journeys. All of my DX, medications, testing and treatment have happened because of mine. It's just a bit inconvenient to type TW before most anecdotal advice that you give. But again, if it makes anyone uncomfortable I have no issue continuing to do it, although I haven't really seen anyone who states they find Loss TW particularly helpful.
Overall, I suggest it be something else we vote on, except I don't believe majority wins. If we find that anyone is more comfortable with the TW than without, I think we should keep it strictly to respect those who may be uncomfortable otherwise.
TW: talking about sexual assault triggers I can't speak from the experience of known loss, but I can speak as somebody who has been a victim of sexual assault and been triggered 3 or 4 times in the past decade from that. I am still able to talk about sexual assault and consume media involving it, but there have definitely been times that I've been blindsided by an unexpected reference and ended up mentally reliving what I went through. If I know what I'm going into, either be it by TW or by just knowing that something has darker suggestive adult themes, I'm usually fine (and if I'm not, as long as I knew what I was going into, it's on me not the content originator). It's the knowledge that it's going to be brought up that makes it bearable (or skippable). It's when the topic comes in mild depth seemingly out of nowhere that the risk comes up. Similar (but not nearly as drastic) situation with BFPs in the TWW versus having their own thread.
I imagine it would be similar for some women with MCs. A quick reference to it in a siggy isn't unexpected, but somebody else talking about it in an unrelated thread might be surprising and bring her back to that frame of mind. Is it a part of the TTC journey? Sadly, yes. But so is the reality of sexual assault for women, and we still treat that with sensitivity.
For me, I'd much rather drop in a quick "TW: [possible triggering topic]" than ever put somebody in that mindset, knowing what being triggered is really like.
Re: TTGP Board Discussion -LAST CALL before voting!-
July Newbies: Introduce Yourself
I think there are plenty of newbies each week to keep that up on the first page. What do you think? Or maybe a weekly thread is better. Idk. I was thinking of labeling the title.
Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16
BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17
My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast:
Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
A1Cs:
1/12/16 6.7%
5/25/16 6.0%
11/2/16 6.1%
3/22/16 5.8%
4/27/17 5.4%
6/13/17 5.3%
"Sugar Fancy Tutu"
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I'm not opposed to the monthly thread, but I do worry it might get really long. Take a look at the pinned thread and see how many intros have been posted this month alone. I looked at it last Tuesday or Wednesday I think and it tells me there are 47 new posts so....
Fur babies: Yeti (cat)
#1 Boy E 9/30/17
#2 Girl A 7/27/2020
#3 ?? ? est. 1/5/2025
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I also reallyyyyy like the idea of getting rid of some of the not-so-important sticky threads.
Dx: Both tubes blocked, PCOS, DOR, RPL
IVF Cycle #1 Dec. 2016 - 11R·11M·5F - Transferred 2 - BFP - Miscarriage - 0 Embryos Left
ETA: whoops obviously I never read it... it's about real answers community? Lol that thread can still go.
ETAA: We should also get rid of the Welcome, New Members thread that says "post your own introductory thread" because that's not what is done anymore.
Type 1 Diabetes since 2001, MTHFR hetero A1298T
Dogs: Raider 4 yrs, Dex 4 yrs
BFP #2 7/6/16 SCH, D&C 8/4/16
BFP #3 12/26/16 EDD: 9/6/17
My Chart / My Diabetes/Pregnancy Blog
My Type 1/TTC/Pregnancy Podcast:
Juicebox Podcast Episode 118
A1Cs:
1/12/16 6.7%
5/25/16 6.0%
11/2/16 6.1%
3/22/16 5.8%
4/27/17 5.4%
6/13/17 5.3%
"Sugar Fancy Tutu"
-I am not a fan of individual intros. I am guilty of not reading the mega intro thread, but was also guilty of not reading the personal intros. I might read a weekly intro thread, I might not. If you are going to be a part of TTGP, then WTO/TWW is where you really add value.
-I personally was never one to jump in with crazy mean gifs even on BSC drive-bys. Not gonna lie, I do enjoy them on a crazy train thread. I have had a child, so I don't feel the knee jerk reaction to respond that people here won't know the answer to a question. Sometimes, I do have things to respond with from my first pregnancy. I personally think the Tri boards kind of suck cuz they're such a mishmash of random stuff. So I don't rush to recommend someone go there, cuz I don't (and probably won't) go there myself. But a lot of times, people are mentioning multiple losses and the IF boards do make more sense. I think people here are sensitive to that here though.
-I also personally don't think the board is too cluttered. However, I wish people would search a bit because for the typical prenatal vitamins and OPK threads, a 2 minute search would probably answer their question.
DS: 5 years old
TTC #2 since August 2015
July 2016: Testing cycle with 100 mg Clomid = BFN
August 2016: 50 mg Clomid + IUI = BFN
October 2016: IVF#1 - 13 retrieved / 12 mature / 9 fertilized / 2 blasts
November 2016: FET#1 = chemical
January 2017: FET#2 = chemical
March 2017: IVF#2 - 18 retrieved / 18 mature / 16 fertilized / 5 blasts
May 24, 2017: FET#4 - BFP! - Beta #1 151 - Beta #2 503 - Due date 2/9/18
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Married 2010
TTC since Nov. 2015
BFP#1: 2/8/16
MC: 3/19/16
BFP#2: 9/3/16 EDD: 5/17/17
mommy to the cutest rescue mutt ever.
my chart
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
1. I love the weekly BFP threads. They are so great to read and cheer for when I'm having a good TTC day but I can ignore them when it feels too hard.
2. I like the GTKY questions in the WTO/TWW threads but I understand that they definitely steer the conversation away from TTC so I would be totally okay with putting them in their own threads.
3. I love the idea of a weekly intro thread. I think it keeps it small and manageable, because when threads get to be 5, 6, 7 pages long, I don't even open them most of the time. It's too overwhelming.
I'm going to leave it at that because, like I said, I'm not totally a regular and I am more than comfortable that you ladies have got this on lock!
Me: 32 years old
DS1 Due 6.7.2021
Did I forget anything to add to the OP that we've discussed?
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
That being said, I do like the idea of a weekly TTC questions thread. I do think that things get missed in the daily threads that could add value. I understand the repetitive aspect of a questions thread like that, but it could be worth a try? Maybe we could do it for a few weeks and see how it goes. Like someone else said earlier (sorry, I don't remember who), nothing that we decide here needs to be set in stone.
Me: 32 years old
DS1 Due 6.7.2021
Also - I'm starting to think about the love-tit-voting process because the thread has really died down.
For the separation of R/R and CS/Qs - I crossed that off, since it's already started and been implemented and no one's complained so I'm just taking that as an "a-okay". And for the random GTKYs - no one had a problem with them and they've been started already, so I crossed that off, too.
Some things are cut and dry, like obviously:
Post one: Love-tit for a "yes" for TWs for children
Post two: Love-tit for a "no" for TWs for children
But for like the QFP thing - I think we kind of discussed it and just kind of been more aware for posts since it was brought up, but do we still want to vote on that, or just see how things go and be more mindful?
And... if it kind of stays dead like this, do we want to start the voting this weekend at some point? I'll try to keep it toward the top no matter what so that everyone sees it, but... I've had to bump it the last two days, haha.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I read the thread is cooling off and decided that this gif needs to be here:
It's an owl cooling off in front of a fan. You're all welcome.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
since this is a very open discussion, I just wanted to throw my thoughts in the ring. H and I just started TTC within the last month. I came to this board after using Wedding Wire while wedding planning (Married 8/29/16). I am not sure what the regular posters feel towards WW, but I loved it over there and have made some great friends, like I see many of you have done here. The open discussion and snark there really keeps it fun and interesting. That being said, when I joined this board, I was SHOCKED by all the rules and lack of threads each day. I totally understand the need/want to de-clutter, but I agree with PP that I think it discourages people from creating threads even if they have a legitimate reason, which thus hinders normal discussion.
The one thing that I 100% disagree with (and other PP have mentioned this) is the weekly graduation thread being just for 'regular contributors'. I am early to the TTC game, so I have enjoyed reading this thread daily and hearing success stories, and would love to see more. Plus, it would be a great point of reference for all the 'how long did it take you to get KU after X type of BC" threads.
1) I like the grad thread. It gives a chance for a little AW without going overboard, but also allows anyone having a hard TTC day to skip more easily & still participate in the TWW thread if they wish.
2) I don't think existing kids need a TW
3) I don't think LOSS should have a TW in TTGP. Loss is a part of TTC and shouldn't be avoiding in discussion. I get it on a BMB but not here. Perhaps my TTC journey has me a bit biased, but I feel that those of us who have been in that position feel more supported knowing we aren't alone & that shouldn't just have to happen on the TTCAL or Loss boards.
4) I am down for either weekly or monthly intro thread. I rarely read the big thread. It started while I have been here.
5) I think TOU violations should be called out and snark is OK.
6) I think that if someone asks a question that is not a TOU issue we should try to answer it but it is OK to direct them to the newbie guide it if would be better for WTO/TWW.
7) I think that some more positive and fun threads would be great! More GTKU. NBR sharing of favs, fitness, etc.
Edited for grammar.
Me: 39 DH: 40
Married: 12/6/2014
BFP#2: 10/28/15 MC: 11/24/15
BFP#3: 3/20/16 MC: 4/26/16
BFP#4: 7/15/16 DD: 3/18/17
BFP#5: 5/1/18 EDD: 1/12/19
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17
I'll add it to the OP, since anything discussed should be added (IMO) so that nothing is left out and ignored, though. Worst comes to worst - we can have another TW poll if people feel it would be beneficial.
I know the one I remember was when I first joined in September, so it's been a while.
ETA: Do you guys just want me to make an off-site multi-select poll with TW topics so everyone can vote on the individual topics they feel need TWs? I can make one today while I'm at work.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I didn't bring up the loss TW because I figured that is something that wouldn't change. I guess what I'm curious about is who does the mention of loss trigger? Is it other people who have experienced loss and want to avoid the topic because it brings back memories and pain? Or is it people who have never experienced it but are afraid of it happening? I suppose it could be both.
Since I have suffered my loss I have become a huge proponent of making loss less taboo. It's an unfortunately natural part of the TTC process and not talking about it doesn't make it go away, it just forces people who go through it to suffer alone. Loss is isolating because we have collectively decided as a culture that our experience should be hidden and mourned in silence. We almost aren't allowed the appropriate opportunity to grieve because no one is supposed to know we are even grieving. That TW is just another reminder that my experience is something others shy away from hearing about. The reality is, my loss is a part of my daily life. There is no making it go away. And I will never not be already thinking about it in the back of my mind even if someone else brings it up. So the TW serves no purpose for me.
Sorry. I'll step down from my soap box now. But this has been bothering me for a while. And I just saw an opportunity and ran with it.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
I refuse to TW my siggy. I "might" if I get in a BMB again, but I feel like it just stigmatizes me.
and I second @MelissaM090 I
Me: 39 DH: 40
Married: 12/6/2014
BFP#2: 10/28/15 MC: 11/24/15
BFP#3: 3/20/16 MC: 4/26/16
BFP#4: 7/15/16 DD: 3/18/17
BFP#5: 5/1/18 EDD: 1/12/19
Click Me
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Previously nweg...7878
However I'm totally willing to go along with whatever everyone else wants to do. I understand that it can be hard to read about loss especially when it's really fresh and still so very painful. And I certainly don't want to make anything any harder on anyone else. I'll go along with whatever the community decides on this.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
All of that being said, I absolutely do not want anyone who has experienced a loss to be blind sided if they genuinely feel that they can't handle hearing about loss. Just because I feel one way doesn't mean everyone else feels that way. But I would also be interested in just hearing the perspective of someone who has experienced loss and wants the TW's so I can try to empathize with them.
@nwegman7878 Was it because you were on the taboo train you felt you needed the TWs or was it because of the feelings associated with thinking about your loss?
@MelissaM090
@izza2 Thank you for your perspective and also the poll!
ETA: @NamelessAria You just summed up another point that I think is really important. It is really hard for me to even post anymore without in some way mentioning my loss because it is very recent and very relevant to what is happening with my body right now. I have to wonder every time I say something 'Is this mention in passing of the fact that I experienced a loss enough to warrant a TW even though I'm not really giving details?' A lot of times I just put a giant TW at the beginning of my post and let people decide for themselves if they want to venture on after that.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
Sorry for that tangent but I get a little carried away talking about this topic.
ETA: I completely agree with @NamelessAria. I think we're on a lot of the same page because we have different yet similar experiences. I absolutely understand and agree that it's hard to discuss any testing or treatment I've undergone without using the TW.
Previously nweg...7878
I don't think getting rid of the TW would marginalize loss in any way. At least I hope it wouldn't. I agree that the opposite end of the spectrum where people know about your loss and try to force you not to grieve for whatever the reason may be is just as bad if not worse as mourning it alone.
I don't want the fact that loss is common to become a reason why we shouldn't be allowed to mourn. I want the fact that loss is common to be a reason we should be allowed to mourn publicly and with the support of people around us.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
Loss is sad, and it's real, and I sincerely apologize if using a TW has made anyone feel marginalized in their suffering At All. 100% not my intent.
I use them for loss beacause about my first or second post on TB, I had my head bitten off for Not using a TW, and I was like, sheesh, Wow! I had no idea! So I just assumed that was the opinion of the community, that it's too painful for those who have experienced it, not to have the courtesy of a heads up.
I'm honestly surprised to hear from people who have experienced them that they are Not fans if the TW, and that the intent of being gentle with people's feelings on the subject may have actually had the opposite affect. Again, I am sorry if that's the case, because I have just been following that "rule" of the community. And I'm still shocked to hear what I thought the reasoning behind it, may not be true.
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/44/suuo5i63m5g7.gif" alt="">
But like others have said, I also understand if it bothers someone and they would rather have a TW. I would rather have that small annoyance than to unintentionally bring up bad memories for someone when they weren't expecting it.
Married 2010
TTC since Nov. 2015
BFP#1: 2/8/16
MC: 3/19/16
BFP#2: 9/3/16 EDD: 5/17/17
mommy to the cutest rescue mutt ever.
my chart
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
A lot of women take time to heal and take care of themselves while the loss is still new - but not everyone does, and even when you've taken that time, some people still want to avoid the topic when they are able.
I hate that some of you see it as pointing a "taboo topic" sign to it - but I've never seen it that way. I've added TWs for topics that I've personally experienced and didn't feel like doing so meant that I shouldn't share my experience or that it was becoming a taboo topic. It was just a kind, two second warning that the topic I was talking about and bringing up could be tough for certain people affected by that subject.
For instance:
My brother committed suicide in 2006. Ten years later I still have days that I can't handle the subject without it throwing me in to a ball of tears and making me have to leave the conversation. I appreciate the TW for the subject so that, on those days where I know I can't handle it, I can skip that topic or that post and continue on with other things. And then when I'm up to it - I can go back and read what was said, if I so please.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
Overall, I suggest it be something else we vote on, except I don't believe majority wins. If we find that anyone is more comfortable with the TW than without, I think we should keep it strictly to respect those who may be uncomfortable otherwise.
Previously nweg...7878
I can't speak from the experience of known loss, but I can speak as somebody who has been a victim of sexual assault and been triggered 3 or 4 times in the past decade from that. I am still able to talk about sexual assault and consume media involving it, but there have definitely been times that I've been blindsided by an unexpected reference and ended up mentally reliving what I went through. If I know what I'm going into, either be it by TW or by just knowing that something has darker suggestive adult themes, I'm usually fine (and if I'm not, as long as I knew what I was going into, it's on me not the content originator). It's the knowledge that it's going to be brought up that makes it bearable (or skippable). It's when the topic comes in mild depth seemingly out of nowhere that the risk comes up. Similar (but not nearly as drastic) situation with BFPs in the TWW versus having their own thread.
I imagine it would be similar for some women with MCs. A quick reference to it in a siggy isn't unexpected, but somebody else talking about it in an unrelated thread might be surprising and bring her back to that frame of mind. Is it a part of the TTC journey? Sadly, yes. But so is the reality of sexual assault for women, and we still treat that with sensitivity.
For me, I'd much rather drop in a quick "TW: [possible triggering topic]" than ever put somebody in that mindset, knowing what being triggered is really like.
Me: 28 & Partner: 32 | Married 2014
BFP 7/29 EDD 4/11