**June TWW**

catiecatp

@brooklyngirl18 - still not officially decided because we don't have details on the benefits but I'm supposed to get that today. we're strongly leaning towards going so I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed - plus the ongoing issue with DH that I don't see much progress on. Hence my wondering about fatigue - partially wishful hoping that either it will go away soon with AF showing up or I'll get a BFP and have an explanation. I like knowing why I feel the way that I do and this whole tired because I'm stressed crap doesn't help... it is as if my brain won't accept it.

roxgibbons

So I officially lost my shit today. Here I am all last week being zen and feeling good and over the weekend the crazies started creeping in and today
(10 dpiui) I feel hopeless and an absolute mess and convinced I am out. I've been crying all morning (good thing I'm working from home) and just thinking over everything since my MMC in February. I just feel angry at this process and my body. I'm mad that I'm doing everything in my power to make this work, and I know there is a good chance it may not work. I'm sorry to be such a downer, I really want to feel positive and happy but right now, I'm dreading Friday. I feel like this surge of emotion just means AF is around the corner- Like I said, I'm a mess right now.

BornReady

@roxgibbons I'm sorry today's been rough. I am usually positive up until then in my cycle too, then I transition into despair that this won't work and anger that I am going through this. Right there with you friend, it all stinks. 

brooklyngirl18

@roxgibbons i'm sorry you're having a rough day, I wish I had some helpful words. All I can say we are all in this together and I'm rooting for you.

dubcompanion

@roxgibbons So sorry for a crappy day. What sucks about TTC is being unable to control what is largely uncontrollable, despite medical advances and assistance, all the literature we read, and the BD we do (arguably the only fun part and even that can get taxing or stressful). All I can say is that you're not alone, and it's perfectly okay to not feel positive today. We're with you in this together, good or bad.

@catiecatp - Here's hoping you get some needed restfulness soon. You've got a lot on your plate, and I'm rooting for you that it's a BFP and not just the stress.

BrightenMySky

@roxgibbons sending you hugs and good thoughts.  This whole thing is such an emotional roller coaster.

roxgibbons

Thanks you ladies @BrightenMySky @dubcompanion @brooklyngirl18 @BornReady for all the support and kind words. I'm so glad we have this board for support. I don't know how I would do it without all of you. I'm feeling a bit calmer. There is a lot going in other areas of my life where I feel like I have little to no control and with TTC/infertility it's an overwhelming feeling of having not one ounce of control. It just plain sucks. My anxiety is through the roof today and I'm trying to just breath and stay calm. I can't control what the results will be on Friday- but what I can say is that I've done everything in my control to make this happen. It's all any of us can do, right? 

Wishilivedinflorida

@roxgibbons It is amazing the range of emotions this process can create, and I totally and completely understand the lack of control over everything does not help, especially if you're a type A kind of person who wants to be in control, always. I'm still rooting for you!

I know there's a lot of us testing later this week. I think I'm more excited to see all your BFP's than my own simply because I think you all are some of the kindest, most amazing women I've ever met in non-real life and I just want everyone here to have rainbow babies, goshdarnit! Here's hoping none of us end up back in WTO!

KarenBeth714

@roxgibbons Sorry that you are dealing with all this anxiety. I can definitely relate... and most of us here can. Feel free to come here and vent all you want. Take it one day at a time and try your best to breathe.... I hope that we can all bring you a little bit of comfort, just knowing that others are going through the same thing....

catiecatp

sigh - some light cramping today - but also a lot of dizziness, tiredness and emotions... I'm trying to convince myself that it is PMS not BFP because if I manage that then somehow I think I'll be less sad.

BrightenMySky

@catiecatp right there with you.  Just had some light cramping, trying to manage my expectations.  

I am 12 dpiui today.  It wouldn't be unheard of for AF to come today, so I feel like I've made it one day.  Not sure what you ladies do, if anything, but I'm all about wearing dark clothes, carrying my wristlet with tampons/pads when I go to the restroom, etc. when it's getting close.  As if being ready for AF will help keep it away.

dubcompanion

@BrightenMySky @catiecatpI swear, I've been ready to just have the AF thing since 7 DPO. I think the constant cramping has just made it unlikely to me that I'm KU'ed. The cramps were such yesterday - at 9/10 DPO - that I thought my period was coming super early. If I get a BFP, all is well, but I'm just not going to be surprised if this isn't my month. 

catiecatp

hugs to all you lovely ladies here in the TWW. I'm really crossing everything I have 2 of (fingers toes and boobs) that some of us who have been here awhile will get a BFP. No offence to those who lurk or those who get a BFP soon after joining, I just feel like it might be more encouraging. We all deserve a rainbow baby...

ETA: though if I do get a BFP I don't know what I'll do without all y'all...

SnobunnieMel

@catiecatp we are all going to rock feb 17 with some rainbows!!!

this is as positive as I get today. Having a negative TTC day. Sorry. 

roxgibbons

@Wishilivedinflorida @KarenBeth714 thanks for the kind words. The emotional roller coaster is so intense during this process. Like @SnobunnieMel said today is not a good TTC day. 

@catiecatp @dubcompanion @BrightenMySky I'm cramping as well and just don't feel well. I've had a major headache all afternoon- that's usually a tell take sign for me. I'm starting to prepare mentally that AF is coming. Hopefully tomorrow will be a more positive day for those of us struggling today. 

catiecatp

hugs to everyone struggling - I certainly am - oscillating between hopeful and trying to protect my heart. My brain keeps thinking that I haven't reached 13DPO except when I had a BFP, but this is the first month that FF has detected my slow rise - so it is the only month where I've known I was on 13DPO, not the only one I reached 13DPO.

I couldn't handle FF telling me to test because I was past my usual LP length so I went in and entered a fake OPK for last month to force an adjustment (rather than manual - I figure this way the coverline is forced as well as the O day) - and then reduced the number of charts that are used for stats...

BornReady

I'm hopeful for you @catiecatp, how are you feeling body wise? Your chart looks awesome and I totally understand your stress. I would have a hard time not testing tomorrow if I were in your shoes. FX!

SnobunnieMel

Feeling super out right now. 7dpo and with both of my other BFPs I had TONS of creamy CM by now. Hanging out with nothing. No further cramps or anything. I don't know if I can handle the crushing blow this month if it doesn't work out for so many reasons. This week feels like it's dragging until we can find out 

roxgibbons

@SnobunnieMel I understand how you feel. I had tons of CM and sore boobs with my pregnancy  and I don't seem to have much of either right now. I'm feeling not as upbeat as I did last week about this month. It seems like this week has been rough for quite a few of us. I'm glad we're all in this together and I hope someone ends up with a BFP. 

MooFish2364

@roxgibbons I feel the same way. I am having a really hard time this week with all of this too. 

@catiecatp I have also experienced super light cramps and tons of emotions. I broke down on Sunday and cried...it was like every sad thing hit me all at once. 

@BrightenMySky I do those things too when I'm on af watch (which is right now for me). 

I posyed yesterday that I was probably going to move over to WTO but I feel like I don't really fit in either place. I'm almost certain that af will be here any time now. I POAS this morning because my temp was just at my CL and was up just .1 from yesterday. Of course I got a BFN. I'm just feeling so worried, scared, and frustrated. It's terrifying that something I want so bad is out of my control. I'm really thinking about going to see an RE. 

brooklyngirl18

big hugs to all the ladies have a rough day/week. the wait is awful but we are all in this together, chin up! 

catiecatp

@SnobunnieMel - I really want to test while DH is home - but if I don't have AF tomorrow I think the odds look pretty good for a BFP. It is also easier because I have no tests at home and I'm tired by the time I'm heading home...

@moofish2364 - I hate not having control - it is so frustrating that I do everything I can and still not get the result.

I'm distracting myself with learning the terminology for health benefits... holy crap on a cracker is this stuff confusing (also because DH deals with the health benefits from his employer and a lot of stuff is just covered here in Canada - like trips to the ER cost nothing to the patient... I knew this stuff was expensive because my BFF does the billings for doctors, but still). One pain in the arse thing is that my Texas coverage won't cover IVF but DH's current one does...

brooklyngirl18

good luck @catiecatp i've lived in the US my whole life and I still struggle figuring out healthcare coverage/costs/etc. It's SO confusing.

dubcompanion

@catiecatp That's a good distraction. I should be distracting myself with coursework for my state-mandated endorsement. Instead, I've been coloring in my stress coloring book (Doctor Who themed, of course) and yelling at the pages of my word games book. Better than yelling at BFN's, I guess - which - to no surprise at all, I also saw this morning!!

I wonder if I should start banning myself from IC's. But I can't bring myself to only purchase in-store ones, knowing they're not as sensitive and over-priced. Ugh.

So sorry I'm not brightening up the mood today. It's 11-12 DPO, and I'm going to order the Mabis BBT thermometer that was recommended to me by you lovely ladies. Next cycle I begin temping for the first time! I'll also order digital OPKs and Wondfos. I've never tried Wondfos either. I'm going to go into June WTO READY TO TAKE CHARGE. That's as positive as I'll probably get today.

KarenBeth714

The waiting and the frustrations.. I am with you all on that. I'm actually feeling hopeful right now, but also slightly insane. 

Ladies - not sure If I'm being paranoid or what. This post is for rant purposes/ not asking if I am preg, just need to vent! 

I used ovulation strips (not charting or temping - because of personal stress level reasons)  but the line was first faint, then darker and darker for two days. My urine may have been diluted, bc I was working out and drinking a ton of water. I'm assuming that the O day was Sat or Sun the 28th or 29th. Assuming that, I'd be at 9 or 10 dpo - but because I have a very short LP, AF was actually due Monday. 
I know this may not make sense, having such a short LP ( and I've been chastised for this possibly not being true bc I'm not temping..) 
With all that being said it's Weds and I had some cramping Sun/ Mon and nothing now. Some cm yesterday and today -but bfn's. Today I swear my boobs feel weird, but trying not to be paranoid. This is only my second cycle since the d&e so maybe I'm not even regulated yet. 
There ya go! my crazies are all coming out!!! ugh 

SnobunnieMel

@KarenBeth714 this is a safe place for the crazies and "am I preg" type inferences. Not sure where you are in the world, but since it's Tuesday that would put you at maybe 10-11 DPO. Some people don't then until 12+ so I could maybe test again tomorrow with FMU

brooklyngirl18

I totally thought today was Wednesday too until about an hour ago, so there's that  

BrightenMySky

@brooklyngirl18 why isn't it Wednesday?!  That would be AMAZING.

CoonMom

Someone stop my ss Crazyness. My boob hurt so much today, I swear I was nsuseaous  this morning. ...I'm too scared to test

roper2617

Little mini rant: Urg. So for the first time in a loooong time I tested early (day before expect AF) and of course it was negative. I also tested in the evening instead of am, so not the most accurate. Anyway I woke up this morning and AF hadn't arrived, and usually if she's going to start its right when I wake up. So I tested again, negative again. And yet here I am at the end of the workday, still no period! Wtf uterus! Get your shit together please! Really regretting taking a break on temping right now. I'm probably not pregnant, I tested with a FRER, but I won't feel certain until I get AF. I just want to know! 

iceandsnowflakes29

@roper2617 nothing  makes me get AF faster than taking a pregnancy test lol. 

KarenBeth714

haha!!! It's Weds in my HEAD!!! Gosh I'm tired. Sorry.. pregnancy brain perhaps? Lol.. just kidding. I'm just dead end-of- the- year Kindergarten teacher tired!  Will continue to test. Still no sign of af!! fx for all! 

chloe97

****Lurking from the bench********

Oh my god all you ladies with you TWW willpower not testing are driving me crazy!!! How do you do it? I think I tested everyday starting at 7 DPO. 

 Based on all the symptoms you are reporting, I have a feeling it's gonna be a banner month for BFPs!! Let them rain! 

roxgibbons

@roper2617 I regret giving up temping. My RE and OB both looked at me like I was a crazy person when I told them I temped, so I gave it up. I'm seriously starting to think about taking it back up again as at least it's an indicator of what's going on, but maybe it'll cause too much stress?? I don't know. Hanging tight at 11dpiui.

brooklyngirl18

@chloe97 you read my mind!! i'm sitting here staring at a calendar and wondering how bsc it would be to start testing. must.stop.obsessing. 

SnobunnieMel

@chloe97 i didn't want to admit to anyone that I tested today at dpo7 for ZERO explainable reason. Wtf is wrong with me. I am not testing until 10 now

chloe97

@SnobunnieMel The weekend before my last BFP I had a wedding, so I wanted to know if I had to abstain from drinking so I tested at 7 and 8 DPO and got BFNs. Two days later I had a BFP so it turns out that I probably should not have used a BFN at DPO 8 to get shit canned. Ha. I say test early and test often! That's my motto!

SnobunnieMel

@chloe97 way go feed the BSC!! Thank god wondfos are so cheap 

catiecatp

@chloe97 - if it were just me I'd be with you on testing at least tomorrow - but DH doesn't understand the BSC yet and we're having issues in other areas so I'm going to avoid poking the bear. My LP is 14 days and so I'm going to try to wait it out... 

But wouldn't that be a banner month? Job interview, job offer, BFP and job negotiations...? I think over in the weekly check in we determined there would always be things like that for each month - like the EDD is my BFF's birthday (and that would be lovely) but next month would give an EDD around my dad's birthday and that would be sentimental. Honestly a Feb-May EDD would be perfect in terms of timing with the end of a semester and having more (unpaid) time off... but we'll see.

I've had light cramping from time to time today - could be nothing or it could be AF coming soon. Though she does nothing "light" these days...

Aera11

Lurking from vacation! I've been reading through everyone's tww and just haven't had time to check in or respond, but I'm thinking of you all and hoping for the best! I'm 3dpo and do I hear everyone on the bsc.  No tropical drinks for me just in case but not feeling overly confident yet.