@JessicaB0627 Really? Because almost everyone else mentioned their husbands and how helpful they are with things too. Do you want to single all them out as well?
I think the difference is if the poster offers or tries to offer constructive advice based on what worked for them.
I can't tell you how many friendships I ended because a well-meaning friend said some version of: "I'd never let my boyfriend treat me/talk to me like that." They were right, of course, but I couldn't hear it without getting defensive, because there were no constructive ideas offered, just condemnation of me and my choices and my standards of treatment.
And more importantly, the language of "I would never..." gives the false impression a) that it's the victim's fault and b) that any one of us will always know better than to become involved in an abusive relationship. It can happen to *anyone* (and does), and it sneaks up on you.
I would love to take credit for choosing the man who ultimately became my husband, and with whom I have an amazingly healthy relationship. But I can't: I just got really flipping lucky, and had enough experience with previous relationships to not mess it up when it fell into my lap. So much of how we fall in love with our partners is dumb freaking luck; and then things happen, like head injuries and depression, that can warp even the best of relationships. That "I would never..." is never actually true.
@JessicaB0627 Really? Because almost everyone else mentioned their husbands and how helpful they are with things too. Do you want to single all them out as well?
I think the difference is if the poster offers or tries to offer constructive advice based on what worked for them.
I can't tell you how many friendships I ended because a well-meaning friend said some version of: "I'd never let my boyfriend treat me/talk to me like that." They were right, of course, but I couldn't hear it without getting defensive, because there were no constructive ideas offered, just condemnation of me and my choices and my standards of treatment.
And more importantly, the language of "I would never..." gives the false impression a) that it's the victim's fault and b) that any one of us will always know better than to become involved in an abusive relationship. It can happen to *anyone* (and does), and it sneaks up on you.
I would love to take credit for choosing the man who ultimately became my husband, and with whom I have an amazingly healthy relationship. But I can't: I just got really flipping lucky, and had enough experience with previous relationships to not mess it up when it fell into my lap. So much of how we fall in love with our partners is dumb freaking luck; and then things happen, like head injuries and depression, that can warp even the best of relationships that "I would never..." is never actually true.
Yes to all of this. and this isn't meant to attack you at all, @AdorkablePixie, but I think the PPs who talked about the dynamics with their SOs/DHs were doing so to share some perspective on how household chores, etc. could be divided, not to brag about their husbands or make @kp90 feel bad. Not implying that you were trying to make her feel bad, though.
I just hope that all of this advice we're offering helps @kp90 realize that there needs to be a sea change in her relationship and helps her get the help she needs to stand up for herself and best take care of her baby girl. We are here for you!
And, @AdorkablePixie, I wanted to second @babyfmama's comment that I did not mean what I said as an attack on you--I just wanted to give a view from the other side.
@JessicaB0627 Really? Because almost everyone else mentioned their husbands and how helpful they are with things too. Do you want to single all them out as well?
I think the difference is if the poster offers or tries to offer constructive advice based on what worked for them.
I can't tell you how many friendships I ended because a well-meaning friend said some version of: "I'd never let my boyfriend treat me/talk to me like that." They were right, of course, but I couldn't hear it without getting defensive, because there were no constructive ideas offered, just condemnation of me and my choices and my standards of treatment.
And more importantly, the language of "I would never..." gives the false impression a) that it's the victim's fault and b) that any one of us will always know better than to become involved in an abusive relationship. It can happen to *anyone* (and does), and it sneaks up on you.
I would love to take credit for choosing the man who ultimately became my husband, and with whom I have an amazingly healthy relationship. But I can't: I just got really flipping lucky, and had enough experience with previous relationships to not mess it up when it fell into my lap. So much of how we fall in love with our partners is dumb freaking luck; and then things happen, like head injuries and depression, that can warp even the best of relationships that "I would never..." is never actually true.
Yes to all of this. and this isn't meant to attack you at all, @AdorkablePixie, but I think the PPs who talked about the dynamics with their SOs/DHs were doing so to share some perspective on how household chores, etc. could be divided, not to brag about their husbands or make @kp90 feel bad. Not implying that you were trying to make her feel bad, though.
I just hope that all of this advice we're offering helps @kp90 realize that there needs to be a sea change in her relationship and helps her get the help she needs to stand up for herself and best take care of her baby girl. We are here for you!
I just didn't want to sit and repeat what everyone else had already said.. because, that's pretty much what it would have been. I just wanted to let her know I was supporting her. Clearly did that in the wrong way..
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
I don't feel as though anyone was trying to make me feel bad at all. I know all of you are just sharing experiences and giving advice based on what works for you or just from listening to my past rants. I always appreciate everything you all say. I am a bit envious of those of you who have got the whole partnership thing worked out and have found your happy medium. I am still hopeful we will come to that but I know it will not happen over night. I am not ready to give up on him and as odd as it may sound I feel like he needs me.. even if he thinks he doesn't. Makes me feel better to think that way anyways! But believe me I do have a breaking point and I'm trying like hell to make sure he doesn't push me there. But I am only human and like most of you have said I have my baby girl to think about and I don't want her coming into this world and seeing us fight or me crying all the time and thinking that's okay. I want her to be strong and independent and know exactly what she deserves out of life!
I don't feel as though anyone was trying to make me feel bad at all. I know all of you are just sharing experiences and giving advice based on what works for you or just from listening to my past rants. I always appreciate everything you all say. I am a bit envious of those of you who have got the whole partnership thing worked out and have found your happy medium. I am still hopeful we will come to that but I know it will not happen over night. I am not ready to give up on him and as odd as it may sound I feel like he needs me.. even if he thinks he doesn't. Makes me feel better to think that way anyways! But believe me I do have a breaking point and I'm trying like hell to make sure he doesn't push me there. But I am only human and like most of you have said I have my baby girl to think about and I don't want her coming into this world and seeing us fight or me crying all the time and thinking that's okay. I want her to be strong and independent and know exactly what she deserves out of life!
Isn't that part of being manipulated, ie, him being emotionally abusive?
Also, my jaw dropped when he said he doesn't have to vacuum the dog hair because they are "your" dogs. Is he going to say he doesn't have to bathe your child because its "yours". When my husband and I moved in together I had two cats. He hated cats but was willing to deal with them because he loves me. Guess what? Our one surviving cat is now his lil girl, and she adores him (it actually makes me jealous that she chooses him over me all the time!). He does her litter. Feeds her most mornings and every night. He assumed a lot of those responsibilities because he cares for us both. I am not saying that to make you feel bad at all, but just another end of the spectrum on how a responsible adult adapts to having pets in the house. Whether he brought them in or you did. He still agreed to live with you and your pets.
I think a lot of us are a bit older than you, and feel for your position right now. I sorta feel like you are my little sister right now, and I want to protect you. I hope you are not upset or overwhelmed by the responses you have gotten. I think we all just want the best for you and your baby. And are hopeful that your SO grows up and sees everything you do for him, and treats you right.
@kp90 FWIW, as another example and on the idea that you don't have to fix everything that's wrong with the relationship before baby arrives: my sister and her husband are/were a terrible couple, always arguing and belittling one another. They even separated for a while before my sister found out she was pregnant with his son. But the one thing they have in common is that they are both great parents. They agreed before my nephew was born that they would never fight in front of the children. That was the *only* thing they agreed on (maybe ever?). And it worked wonders. They went from talking about divorce to having a decently companionate but parentally focused marriage. I think they might even like each other now...
So if you are not ready to give up on the relationship with your SO, perhaps this is something to try? That you will never fight (or be mean to one another or talk down to one another) in front of your daughter?
In addition, of course, to long term counseling and anger management:)
@kp90 I just want to give you a big hug and also echo what @yogahh is saying. I don't actually know how old you are, but the happy medium stuff takes effort. Don't settle for any less than an equal partner who respects you. Without the love and respect the happy medium will be a mirage. Relationships are always a work in progress and even 10 years in (5 married), DH and I work on communicating what's working, what isn't and what we need more or less of. It's never going to be perfect 24/7, but you deserve a partner that supports you always. Big hugs!
@LadySamLady I haven't personally tried the blanqui tank but I've heard really good things from those who have. They say it helps a lot with support and back pain, the only negative is that it's pretty long so if you have a short torso it may not work for you.
So I thought I'd post this here so I don't clog the board with another vent session but I need to get this out before I explode and start crying... again. I'll try to make it short but I need to vent.
This has been an ongoing thing for some time but lately I can't handle it. My SO and I both work full time.. well I get home before him and I swear I do 90% of the house work 100% of the time. When I get home at 5pm I do not get off my feet until about 730/8pm and then its time for bed.
Last night as soon as he comes in the door he starts complaining that the house smelled funny. I told him I just took the trash out... and he's like no, it smells like dogs. (we have 3... technically they are mine and I had them long before him and I got together) so anyway.. I tried to ignore it. He then makes a comment about how he's starving since I didn't pack him breakfast in his lunch and that it was an "implied task"... I also tried letting this slide... so then I go to heat up dinner (left overs) I take him his plate and its cold.. so he asked me to put it back in the microwave for 2 min. Well I didn't put it in that long for fear it would get nasty and overheat.. I put it in about 50 seconds and put it back on the table. He stated again it was STILL cold and why can't I follow simple directions and put it in for 2 minutes like he asked me to? So as I walk back to the microwave I put the plate in for TWO MINUTES and did not give one shit if the food caught on fire.. I sat there listening to it sizzle and pop as tears are running down my face because how mean he was being. This went on literally all night. Nothing I did was right or good enough. I only get my flaws noticed.
Skip to today... I just emailed him telling him I wont have time to cook tonight because once I get home we have to turn around and leave in about 50 min to an hour and I still have to change and take care of the dogs so my plan is to stop by fast food and pick up something on the way.... his reply was "Of course!" to which I responded "was that sarcasm?" and he replied, "definitely". So I then just emailed back and asked what his suggestion for dinner was???? I don't know if its me and hormones but I seriously can't take much more of this. I bust my ass EVERY SINGLE DAY and he never sees or acknowledges it. I can't do this much longer and I don't know how to fix it. I just want to cry!!
Your husband sounds like an asshole and I feel bad for you that you're married to him honestly. My husband would never treat me that way.
They aren't married and this sounds pretty insensitive. I'm sure she's happy for you that YOU'RE being treated well.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Thank you ladies for all the advice and input. It's appreciated. I wish you ladies actually knew him so you could better understand where I come from as far as when I don't stand up for myself or I try to keep the peace.. I guess because I know 100% that it would only create an even bigger storm and I'm trying so so hard not to stress myself out again after my hospital trip last week that threw myself into contractions... and yes because I love him and don't want to lose him. BUT I do agree with all of you 100%. I know this isn't right or fair and the thing is I would never, EVER accept this from anyone else.. I just don't understand what it is that won't let my inner rage come out and speak up. We kind of talked last night on the way home from birthing class.. which he did attend but this was probably the first and last one because of his work. Anyways.. the conversation really did not get us anywhere. He only defended himself and said that he shouldn't have to be in a relationship where he is afraid to say whatever he wants. Again, I know this sounds insane because if I did that we would end up in World War 3. I can't seem to get through to him. And its not ALWAYS like this.. sometimes he can be very sweet (like PP on my birthday) etc. and sometimes he will do house chores without me asking like taking the trash out.. but those moments are few and far between all the things he points out that I have failed to do. I won't even get into some of what he said last night because I know it would only piss you ladies off even more, believe me. But he is thinking about attending some anger management courses so maybe that's a start? and he at least acknowledge that he is not okay and he knows some of his behavior isn't justified so I also think that's a big step in admitting that. He blames most of it on his high stress job and he suffered a head injury about 2 years ago during deployment so I know that has also played into some of his changes. Not making excuses for him, I just want him to seek help if that's what he needs and try to think before he speaks and realize how much he hurts me sometimes. I am definitely going to bring up counseling and hope he doesn't completely shut it down.
I mean this with nothing but love for you: Read this over but take yourself out of this and pretend a friend is telling you this. What would you tell them to do? I know you don't want to stress anymore than you are however just to tell you your stress level is about to go through the roof. Add his shenanigans and girl you're going to end up with a nervous breakdown. Why should YOU be in a relationship where you are afraid to say whatever you want? why does that only pertain to him? What would you tell your daughter if she came to you saying this? B/c if you don't stand up and act like YOU matter you will be having this conversation with your daughter bc this is the example she will have to go off of. I've been where you are. He needs to be making HUGE changes not just maybe thinking about making them.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I don't feel as though anyone was trying to make me feel bad at all. I know all of you are just sharing experiences and giving advice based on what works for you or just from listening to my past rants. I always appreciate everything you all say. I am a bit envious of those of you who have got the whole partnership thing worked out and have found your happy medium. I am still hopeful we will come to that but I know it will not happen over night. I am not ready to give up on him and as odd as it may sound I feel like he needs me.. even if he thinks he doesn't. Makes me feel better to think that way anyways! But believe me I do have a breaking point and I'm trying like hell to make sure he doesn't push me there. But I am only human and like most of you have said I have my baby girl to think about and I don't want her coming into this world and seeing us fight or me crying all the time and thinking that's okay. I want her to be strong and independent and know exactly what she deserves out of life!
IMO I don't always have a happy medium with DH or have our relationship worked out. I think that's part of marriage though. I think it's working on it all.the.time. It has to be worked on by both people though. Becoming parents to add on to the partnership is a whole different animal! I know you think he needs you but what about what you need from him? That matters too babe. Don't talk yourself into feeling better about his behavior by thinking he needs you. He wants you to feel that way. Doesn't mean you guys can't turn it around but it needs to be an equal give and take on both parts. Do you need him? I mean really? Ask yourself why he needs you and ask yourself why you need him. Do you think those are healthy needs? I'm just trying to get you to think about this logically and not in a place of loving him bc it's so hard to look at a situation objectively when love is involved.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Is anyone else taking a crap ton of showers? I've found myself taking at the very least 2 a day. It soothes my back...As well as relieves my wallet of money.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Just wanted to offer a tip if anyone is still having trouble with their snoogle or snoogie or whatever it is called. I was going to get one of those, but tried something else that works really well and is cheaper. I sleep propped up prior to becoming pregnant due to other issues (sinuses, snoring, asthma, etc) . I got a body pillow for Christmas a few years ago. I put the body pillow in between my DH and myself. I found a small wedge pillow (can't remember what it was called) that was made for pregnant women to slide under the belly to support the belly. It was about 15 dollars. The body pillow supports my back and the small wedge under my belly supports the weight of my belly. I sleep better (not counting my sinuses - they are another story) and in less pain. Just an idea if you are having trouble with the snoogle and looking for a similar alternative.
Remember Bonnie from Family guy and how she was pregnant for like 5 years on the show? My DH looks at me today and says "man. Family Guy got it right. I feel like you've always been and always will be pregnant".
Just saw the most bizarre commercial. Guy looks like he is pregnant, and some song about meeting the baby is playing in the background. All the sudden he rushes to the bathroom and comes out without a bump. Dude took a dump! Commercial for fiber one bars. I'm kinda weirded out by it and it made me a lil sick.
Just saw the most bizarre commercial. Guy looks like he is pregnant, and some song about meeting the baby is playing in the background. All the sudden he rushes to the bathroom and comes out without a bump. Dude took a dump! Commercial for fiber one bars. I'm kinda weirded out by it and it made me a lil sick.
@yogahh Thank you for pointing that out. Yes I agree it does seem a bit manipulative also. He is a very difficult person and it's taken me a lot of patience in dealing with it but I do it because I love him and we are bringing a baby into this world together. I hope he is able to change and adapt to the pet situation also like your DH did but maybe with 3 dogs and a cat I overwhelmed him... but it's not like he didn't know they existed and they popped out of nowhere. We have a long road ahead of us, I know that for sure. And I'm never offended by the advice you ladies give, I actually appreciate it.
@dshannah crazy how certain things work for different couples. I would definitely think that agreeing to never fight in front of your children is a great idea and I will certainly bring that to his attention. I don't ever want her seeing/hearing us argue or talk to each other in a negative way.
Just saw the most bizarre commercial. Guy looks like he is pregnant, and some song about meeting the baby is playing in the background. All the sudden he rushes to the bathroom and comes out without a bump. Dude took a dump! Commercial for fiber one bars. I'm kinda weirded out by it and it made me a lil sick.
I've posted that on 1st Tri many times when people who are 6 weeks pregnant say they are showing. Always fun.
@kp90 I just read all the posts about you and your SO, and even though I have no words of knowledge, I just want to tell you good luck and to take care of yourself.
It drives me nuts (even before pregnancy) when people ask you if you feel ok because you look really tired. Thank you for telling me I look like shit. Yesterdays conversation with a coworker that works in the warehouse: Dude: Are you ok today? You look really pale. Me: Umm, thanks?? I actually feel pretty good today. Dude: Are you sure? Me: Yeah. *head tilt* Hey, how bout you take off those yellow-tinted safety glasses and then tell me if I'm still pale. Dude: *takes off glasses* Oh, shit...you're right!
I'm falling apart y'all. I tell you, since Sunday it's like 3rd tri hit me like a brick wall. I was still walking 15+ miles a week and doing Insanity twice a week with no issue. I went from feeling pretty decent to sore hips, aching lower back, insomnia, fatigue, shortness of breath, and random nose bleeds. No gradual build up, nothing. It doesn't help that I fell on the stairs and struck my upper back and gave myself whiplash either. When the nurse gave me the TDAP vaccine today, she said my arm would probably be stiff for a couple of days. I told her just add it to the list, everything else hurts. What's an arm hurting too at this point?
My husband is going with his friends from college on a guys ski trip this weekend. Must be nice to do things like going skiing, drink beer, eat whatever the hell you want, and still get a baby in May. 10.5 more weeks. I am just going to start envisioning a beautiful healthy little girl that I get to meet at the end of this that'll make it all worth it. Also not trying to think about the fact that I'm going through all this trouble, and if she's anything like me, she'll end up a daddy's girl anyway. Gives me a whole new appreciation for my mother. She went through all this to have me, and my dad has always been my go-to. Totes not fair.
I'm falling apart y'all. I tell you, since Sunday it's like 3rd tri hit me like a brick wall. I was still walking 15+ miles a week and doing Insanity twice a week with no issue. I went from feeling pretty decent to sore hips, aching lower back, insomnia, fatigue, shortness of breath, and random nose bleeds. No gradual build up, nothing. It doesn't help that I fell on the stairs and struck my upper back and gave myself whiplash either. When the nurse gave me the TDAP vaccine today, she said my arm would probably be stiff for a couple of days. I told her just add it to the list, everything else hurts. What's an arm hurting too at this point?
You and me both! I thought years of weight training, yoga, and belly dance would make pregnancy a breeze, but nope. Everything just hurts, and I'm so tired of MH saying "how are you going to handle labor if you can't handle this?"
Poor guy is a little clueless when it comes to pregnant women.....today he asked me if I could please keep my emotions under control....while I'm giving birth. I love my hubby, but I don't think he understands how the process works
I'm falling apart y'all. I tell you, since Sunday it's like 3rd tri hit me like a brick wall. I was still walking 15+ miles a week and doing Insanity twice a week with no issue. I went from feeling pretty decent to sore hips, aching lower back, insomnia, fatigue, shortness of breath, and random nose bleeds. No gradual build up, nothing. It doesn't help that I fell on the stairs and struck my upper back and gave myself whiplash either. When the nurse gave me the TDAP vaccine today, she said my arm would probably be stiff for a couple of days. I told her just add it to the list, everything else hurts. What's an arm hurting too at this point?
My husband is going with his friends from college on a guys ski trip this weekend. Must be nice to do things like going skiing, drink beer, eat whatever the hell you want, and still get a baby in May. 10.5 more weeks. I am just going to start envisioning a beautiful healthy little girl that I get to meet at the end of this that'll make it all worth it. Also not trying to think about the fact that I'm going through all this trouble, and if she's anything like me, she'll end up a daddy's girl anyway. Gives me a whole new appreciation for my mother. She went through all this to have me, and my dad has always been my go-to. Totes not fair.
Im sorry for you. ..but glad it's not just me! I feel like I've gone from being active and generally fine to chronically achy, crazy hip pain, exhausted in the past week... and WTF is with the nosebleeds?!
It drives me nuts (even before pregnancy) when people ask you if you feel ok because you look really tired. Thank you for telling me I look like shit. Yesterdays conversation with a coworker that works in the warehouse: Dude: Are you ok today? You look really pale. Me: Umm, thanks?? I actually feel pretty good today. Dude: Are you sure? Me: Yeah. *head tilt* Hey, how bout you take off those yellow-tinted safety glasses and then tell me if I'm still pale. Dude: *takes off glasses* Oh, shit...you're right!
I was in bitch mode yesterday...
I get this when I haven't put makeup on which makes me feel terrible!!
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I'm falling apart y'all. I tell you, since Sunday it's like 3rd tri hit me like a brick wall. I was still walking 15+ miles a week and doing Insanity twice a week with no issue. I went from feeling pretty decent to sore hips, aching lower back, insomnia, fatigue, shortness of breath, and random nose bleeds. No gradual build up, nothing. It doesn't help that I fell on the stairs and struck my upper back and gave myself whiplash either. When the nurse gave me the TDAP vaccine today, she said my arm would probably be stiff for a couple of days. I told her just add it to the list, everything else hurts. What's an arm hurting too at this point?
My husband is going with his friends from college on a guys ski trip this weekend. Must be nice to do things like going skiing, drink beer, eat whatever the hell you want, and still get a baby in May. 10.5 more weeks. I am just going to start envisioning a beautiful healthy little girl that I get to meet at the end of this that'll make it all worth it. Also not trying to think about the fact that I'm going through all this trouble, and if she's anything like me, she'll end up a daddy's girl anyway. Gives me a whole new appreciation for my mother. She went through all this to have me, and my dad has always been my go-to. Totes not fair.
I'm really hoping DD3 has some feature that looks like me or is a mama's girl. DD1 and DD2 are not only daddy's girls but also look a lot like him. Same face shape, eye color, and hair color.... Both were not easy pregnancies and the only reason I know they must be mine is because they look to much like DH
I'm falling apart y'all. I tell you, since Sunday it's like 3rd tri hit me like a brick wall. I was still walking 15+ miles a week and doing Insanity twice a week with no issue. I went from feeling pretty decent to sore hips, aching lower back, insomnia, fatigue, shortness of breath, and random nose bleeds. No gradual build up, nothing. It doesn't help that I fell on the stairs and struck my upper back and gave myself whiplash either. When the nurse gave me the TDAP vaccine today, she said my arm would probably be stiff for a couple of days. I told her just add it to the list, everything else hurts. What's an arm hurting too at this point?
Yepyep.
On Saturday I could walk seven miles running errands all day, then hit the elliptical for 40 minutes and go faster than my pre-pregnancy speed and still feel fiiiine afterward.
Today it was all I could do to drag my slow laggy ass to the office three hours late. I have no energy and no motivation. Which is going to be a real problem if it doesn't improve soon, because I have got way too much stuff that needs to get done this month.
I'm glad that our BMB has not decided to do monthly signature "challenges". I was lurking on the June '16 board, and they have awkward maternity photos in their signatures. While they are funny, it looks super awkward when I'm scrolling through that while I'm at work.
Married: May 2012 DS1: May 2016 DS2: Jan 2019 Baby #3 EDD: 6/18/24
It drives me nuts (even before pregnancy) when people ask you if you feel ok because you look really tired. Thank you for telling me I look like shit. Yesterdays conversation with a coworker that works in the warehouse: Dude: Are you ok today? You look really pale. Me: Umm, thanks?? I actually feel pretty good today. Dude: Are you sure? Me: Yeah. *head tilt* Hey, how bout you take off those yellow-tinted safety glasses and then tell me if I'm still pale. Dude: *takes off glasses* Oh, shit...you're right!
I was in bitch mode yesterday...
I get this when I haven't put makeup on which makes me feel terrible!!
I'm just tired in general of people making comments. Like "yes I'm fine. Yes I'm sure." "Yes I'm sure it's just one kid." "No you can't touch me"
I don't know if this is related to my pregnancy or the third trimester, but suddenly I can't stop shopping. Which is unusual for me because I hate spending money. But I find myself impulse buying this past week. Bought some Betsy Johnson Sunglasses Tuesday off Zulily, got more maternity clothes from ross, and went on a make up shopping spree at ulta.... I have spent wayyyy too much money this week. Very counter productive since I'm supposed to be saving due to the fact that after LO is here I won't be working and SO will be the bread winner.
I may go to wal mart on my lunch to see what else I can find... someone help me please... I can't control my urge to spend money right now!
I'm glad that our BMB has not decided to do monthly signature "challenges". I was lurking on the June '16 board, and they have awkward maternity photos in their signatures. While they are funny, it looks super awkward when I'm scrolling through that while I'm at work.
Re: **The Everything Random Thread for May 2016**
I can't tell you how many friendships I ended because a well-meaning friend said some version of: "I'd never let my boyfriend treat me/talk to me like that." They were right, of course, but I couldn't hear it without getting defensive, because there were no constructive ideas offered, just condemnation of me and my choices and my standards of treatment.
And more importantly, the language of "I would never..." gives the false impression a) that it's the victim's fault and b) that any one of us will always know better than to become involved in an abusive relationship. It can happen to *anyone* (and does), and it sneaks up on you.
I would love to take credit for choosing the man who ultimately became my husband, and with whom I have an amazingly healthy relationship. But I can't: I just got really flipping lucky, and had enough experience with previous relationships to not mess it up when it fell into my lap. So much of how we fall in love with our partners is dumb freaking luck; and then things happen, like head injuries and depression, that can warp even the best of relationships. That "I would never..." is never actually true.
I just hope that all of this advice we're offering helps @kp90 realize that there needs to be a sea change in her relationship and helps her get the help she needs to stand up for herself and best take care of her baby girl. We are here for you!
Because we we all know you mean well!
I just didn't want to sit and repeat what everyone else had already said.. because, that's pretty much what it would have been. I just wanted to let her know I was supporting her. Clearly did that in the wrong way..
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!Also, my jaw dropped when he said he doesn't have to vacuum the dog hair because they are "your" dogs. Is he going to say he doesn't have to bathe your child because its "yours". When my husband and I moved in together I had two cats. He hated cats but was willing to deal with them because he loves me. Guess what? Our one surviving cat is now his lil girl, and she adores him (it actually makes me jealous that she chooses him over me all the time!). He does her litter. Feeds her most mornings and every night. He assumed a lot of those responsibilities because he cares for us both. I am not saying that to make you feel bad at all, but just another end of the spectrum on how a responsible adult adapts to having pets in the house. Whether he brought them in or you did. He still agreed to live with you and your pets.
I think a lot of us are a bit older than you, and feel for your position right now. I sorta feel like you are my little sister right now, and I want to protect you. I hope you are not upset or overwhelmed by the responses you have gotten. I think we all just want the best for you and your baby. And are hopeful that your SO grows up and sees everything you do for him, and treats you right.
So if you are not ready to give up on the relationship with your SO, perhaps this is something to try? That you will never fight (or be mean to one another or talk down to one another) in front of your daughter?
In addition, of course, to long term counseling and anger management:)
My doctor recommended a cradle or support to help with my back/hip pain but the prenatal cradle just looks so....intense.
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
First Pregnancy
Second Pregnancy
- BFP: 09/11/2015
- EDD: 05/25/2016
Baby Born04/15/2016
PGAL
@yogahh Thank you for pointing that out. Yes I agree it does seem a bit manipulative also. He is a very difficult person and it's taken me a lot of patience in dealing with it but I do it because I love him and we are bringing a baby into this world together. I hope he is able to change and adapt to the pet situation also like your DH did but maybe with 3 dogs and a cat I overwhelmed him... but it's not like he didn't know they existed and they popped out of nowhere. We have a long road ahead of us, I know that for sure. And I'm never offended by the advice you ladies give, I actually appreciate it.
@dshannah crazy how certain things work for different couples. I would definitely think that agreeing to never fight in front of your children is a great idea and I will certainly bring that to his attention. I don't ever want her seeing/hearing us argue or talk to each other in a negative way.
Dude: Are you ok today? You look really pale.
Me: Umm, thanks?? I actually feel pretty good today.
Dude: Are you sure?
Me: Yeah. *head tilt* Hey, how bout you take off those yellow-tinted safety glasses and then tell me if I'm still pale.
Dude: *takes off glasses* Oh, shit...you're right!
I was in bitch mode yesterday...
My husband is going with his friends from college on a guys ski trip this weekend. Must be nice to do things like going skiing, drink beer, eat whatever the hell you want, and still get a baby in May. 10.5 more weeks. I am just going to start envisioning a beautiful healthy little girl that I get to meet at the end of this that'll make it all worth it. Also not trying to think about the fact that I'm going through all this trouble, and if she's anything like me, she'll end up a daddy's girl anyway. Gives me a whole new appreciation for my mother. She went through all this to have me, and my dad has always been my go-to. Totes not fair.
Poor guy is a little clueless when it comes to pregnant women.....today he asked me if I could please keep my emotions under control....while I'm giving birth. I love my hubby, but I don't think he understands how the process works
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
On Saturday I could walk seven miles running errands all day, then hit the elliptical for 40 minutes and go faster than my pre-pregnancy speed and still feel fiiiine afterward.
Today it was all I could do to drag my slow laggy ass to the office three hours late. I have no energy and no motivation. Which is going to be a real problem if it doesn't improve soon, because I have got way too much stuff that needs to get done this month.
DS1: May 2016
DS2: Jan 2019
Baby #3 EDD: 6/18/24
I may go to wal mart on my lunch to see what else I can find... someone help me please... I can't control my urge to spend money right now!