And as you all know my SIL is the same with the neuroses...... She also says she's vegan...... And won't let her husband have bread so he steals it from my mil.... So sad. Lol
So I am by NO means saying you ladies are in the wrong or that you are like this... Just thinking through my own family's situation.
My family finds my brother's wife to be, um, challenging. She gives us the silent treatment when she's mad, she is very abrasive, makes comments about weight, pretends to be vegan and is preachy about nutrition but sneaks meat when she thinks no one's looking, etc. I get along with her way better than anyone else in the family, but she's definitely difficult.
One of the things my parents always point to, when they refuse my efforts to try to mend things, is that she is so focused on a schedule for the kids and having everything be exact (puts tape on my parents' walls to try to create blackout curtains, travels with huge fans because the "kids need the noise to sleep", etc.) that she doesn't let the family enjoy the kids.
I know it's easy to defend schedules, and they can be important, but a) in my family, getting off schedule is important in exchange for extended family time, and b) when the girls spend a week with my parents without their mother, they actually sleep fine without all her, um, neuroses.
So again, not saying you're in the wrong AT ALL. (And my family would never wake a sleeping baby, @KarasTwin - that's awful.) Just thinking about it from the side of the in-laws. I could picture my SIL complaining on here and making my family sound terrible - and from our side, we just think we are loving, eager to bond with the kids, and there's needless tension. (Though we don't make awkward comments about boobs, @kes166!!)
Oh yes, family time is definitely important and I try to accommodate when possible. My foot tends to come down when 1)I can see the change in routine or whatever else going on is agitating LO, 2) I feel strongly that her health/safety may be compromised (MIL's side of the family is ALWAYS sick and is indifferent about sharing germs), or 3) I feel that a comment has crossed the line from open-to-interpretation to blatantly inappropriate. In all cases, I let DH know how I feel before I say anything to them because he's pretty good about letting me know if I'm being too sensitive, neurotic, etc. Plus it's his family so he knows how to navigate things without ruffling feathers better than I do.
ETA your SIL sounds like a piece of work, haha - even if I felt LO needed total darkness to sleep I can't see myself putting tape on someone else's walls to get it!
@virginiaunicorn11 ugh I have a feeling my in laws are going to view me like this. I try not to do anything to rock her sleeping through the night boat, and since she's a really crappy daytime sleeper when we're out of the house, and if I know she's overtired I want to get her to bed early. For example it was Dh's birthday and they hosted a party for him. LO was hot and miserable towards the end and wouldn't sleep so I told them we had to leave (we live an hour away and it was 9Pm). I think everyone was mad we were leaving (we had been there for 5 hours) because he was the guest of honor but...her sleep directly effects my sleep as well as our next day. They're very relaxed and go with the flow whereas I am not. Sleep outweighs all for me.
Unless they invited us to stay over, I'd have done the same thing. You'd been there 5 hours and 9pm is late, especially with an hour long drive home! That puts you home at 10, and if your LO is like mine, with getting into pjs, changing the diaper, and a bedtime snack, that puts her in bed at 10:30 at the earliest. To me, leaving at 9 was extremely reasonable on your part.
I am definitely a little nuts about "the routine". LO does so much better when he gets enough day sleep and if he doesn't we end the day in a total meltdown. My in laws are coming to stay with us to help me with the baby for a month. While I absolutely adore his family (I got really really lucky), I am worried they are going to not follow the routine since they might want to keep him up too long to play. I don't want to come off as neurotic but I don't want to spend hours trying to settle my overstimulated baby either.
I'm pretty sure my ILs viewed me as neurotic when DS1 was born. I am crazy about bedtimes. Of course my kids have an early bedtime (7:30ish) compared to BILs kids who stay up till all hours of the night. I'm always the bitchy one who would have to say, "sorry. Gotta go. It's past bedtime."
Whenever I feel bad about it, I remind myself that they're NOT the ones who have to deal with an overtired baby! (Have you experienced an overtired 3 year old? Lord, help me!)
Now, with the second baby, they are actually use to our schedules which is nice.
I am really NOT criticizing you ladies for sticking to schedules!! And it's way more than schedules that have caused the rift with SIL in my own family. I was just thinking "out loud" because I do respect you ladies, and thus seeing your side of things in a similar situation helped me try to see SIL's side.
Ultimately, it's her rudeness that has caused problems, so my parents should stop pointing to their opinions on how she raises the kids.
Here's another example: After a long weekend at my parents' beach home, she once gave us all the silent treatment for 2 hours - leaning against the front door with her arms crossed while we all ate breakfast!! She was mad my brother wouldn't leave because she felt sick, apparently. Not that we knew why she was mad - nor would she respond when we asked her. My parents had given up their bed and slept on the couch the night before, since she was sick - which she never acknowledged or thanked them for. She didn't say a word to them when she and my brother finally left!
So point being - I guess kids' schedules seem to be the easiest thing to openly criticize for some reason, but in our case, there are deeper seeded issues.
And my other point - wow, I really wonder what her side is. Maybe I'm the crazy SIL for siding with her parents IL!
I am really NOT criticizing you ladies for sticking to schedules!! And it's way more than schedules that have caused the rift with SIL in my own family. I was just thinking "out loud" because I do respect you ladies, and thus seeing your side of things in a similar situation helped me try to see SIL's side.
Ultimately, it's her rudeness that has caused problems, so my parents should stop pointing to their opinions on how she raises the kids.
Here's another example: After a long weekend at my parents' beach home, she once gave us all the silent treatment for 2 hours - leaning against the front door with her arms crossed while we all ate breakfast!! She was mad my brother wouldn't leave because she felt sick, apparently. Not that we knew why she was mad - nor would she respond when we asked her. My parents had given up their bed and slept on the couch the night before, since she was sick - which she never acknowledged or thanked them for. She didn't say a word to them when she and my brother finally left!
So point being - I guess kids' schedules seem to be the easiest thing to openly criticize for some reason, but in our case, there are deeper seeded issues.
And my other point - wow, I really wonder what her side is. Maybe I'm the crazy SIL for siding with her parents IL!
Geez! Yeah, I would never, ever do that. Actually, that sounds like something my SIL (DH's sister) might do, lol. Oh well. She's family now!
@virginiaunicorn11 I know, just wanted to clarify that I wasn't being a psycho. I think what really frustrates me is that when I was pregnant MIL kept telling me if anything was bothering me that I could tell her and she would listen and help me reign FIL in because he has a history of being overbearing (used to use our spare key to let himself into our house at 7 am on Saturdays). Now that LO is here, anytime I politely ask her not to do something she just laughs and ignores me. He's going to be staying with her 2 days a week and if they do this when we're just visiting, who knows what she'll do when I'm not there.
I've never been able to get myself on a routine. Ever. I've never even had a set schedule at work (retail management). LO is just going to have to roll with the punches! I'm so jealous of those of you that can get on a routine. Unfortunately it just doesn't work for us!
Speaking of schedules... DH took LO (waking him up from a nap) to try to get him to nap. He has literaly done the opposite and is confused as to why the baby is upset. He needs a freaking nap...Jesus. He did not sleep well last night because he missed this nap yesterday and it's going to happen again tonight. I can't do another up every hour night while trying to help a friend with her mom's funeral and trying to find time to get a dress for that.
@bethanne09 ugh, why is it so hard to understand that? LO has screamed off and on all day. I took a bath with him earlier and MIL called as we were getting out to check in and when I said he screamed all day because he didn't nap she tried to argue with me that it was weird that he would cry because he was tired and that he must be teething.
I'm pretty sure my ILs viewed me as neurotic when DS1 was born. I am crazy about bedtimes. Of course my kids have an early bedtime (7:30ish) compared to BILs kids who stay up till all hours of the night. I'm always the bitchy one who would have to say, "sorry. Gotta go. It's past bedtime."
Whenever I feel bad about it, I remind myself that they're NOT the ones who have to deal with an overtired baby! (Have you experienced an overtired 3 year old? Lord, help me!)
Now, with the second baby, they are actually use to our schedules which is nice.
This is us. I'm interested to see how visiting family goes later in LO's life. BIL's 2 kids sleep where they fall for naps (even at 430-5 until dinner) & then they don't eat bc they're tired. Then they stay up until all hours of the night. (No joke this Christmas, we were all watching a scary movie at around 1am & the 3 year old comes in the living room to play.) *to each their own! It works for them!!* BUT I've seen sleep routines work & LO will be the cousin taking naps & in bed at bedtime. Unless there's a specific reason like @virginiaunicorn11 said - family from out of town, planned movie night, etc.
My ILs can't respect the schedule either and it drives me batty. This last Christmas was the worst. MIL wanted to read DS all the books she bought him and kept him up 90 min past bedtime when I asked her to put him to bed early because he had croup. I was beyond pissed she kept a sick kid awake. And then he was justifiably cranky the next day. She won't respect our schedule but then she's amazed DS has always slept through the night when her kids didn't sleep through the night until they were in kindergarten. Grrr.
Took LO to church for the first time this morning (don't really like the church that DH'S family goes to, but that's a different story). Anyway, FIL guilted us into going, because somehow he believes that me and LO going to stay with my family last week so they could help me since I injured my foot was unfair to his side of the family. Mind you my family lives 2 hours away and they live 15 minutes away and can pretty much see LO whenever. LO had shots Friday and we visited my family for my niece's birthday yesterday. He's napped and rested a lot the past couple days, my family doesn't see the need to have him awake constantly. His family will not let this child rest. He fell asleep on the way to church, his aunt wanted me to wake him so she could hold him, the minute he stirred, she insisted I take him out. He barely fell back asleep in church, but then soaked through his diaper and outfit so I took him out to the car and changed him and fed him. Fell asleep on the way to lunch, but they kept poking him till he woke up. Then we had to go to a wedding shower. I went by my inlaws to pick up DH and we stayed for a bit, every time he started sleeping, they woke him up. He screamed for 30 minutes when we got home before he finally fell asleep. He needs to eat and have a bath,but our whole schedule is screwed. Grrrrrr.
So annoying, I would have told them (or made your DH tell them) there is no waking the baby!!!! I haaaattteee when family members do that! Ugh, I'm frustrated for you! Sorry you had to go through that
we went to the dollar store (MIL works there) cause DH needed something for his truck. i was holding a sleeping LO and MIL comes up and starts tickling his back, she says "oh does that tickle?" he keeps arching in his sleep and eventually he wakes up and she is all surprised. luckily he wasnt crying or fussy. im just annoyed with it. like it was obviously bothering him.. why would you keep doing it?
These ILs don't get it. My FIL came by a few weekends ago and seemed visibly annoyed that LO was down for a nap and not greeting him with open arms. Yeah, not sorry. And keep your flippin voice down!! (Yes, I almost think he was purposely talking loud thinking he might wake her!) :-w
I haven't read everyone's gripes but finally want to vent about my DH. I do most of the work, she only bottle feeds about 3x a week just starting out past 2 weeks. I went to meet a co-worker for a drink, was gone for 2 hours. I came back home and he was like "she's been crying for 30 minutes, I wanted to leave her I crib and cry...what's the difference between that and me holding her crying?" I was so upset at him. Even though you may try everything and it doesn't work, you keep going. I deal with this every day and you get a glimpse of it for 1 evening?
She stopped crying when I got her and she was trying to catch her breath in a whimper kind of way. It broke my heart. Now he's mad and taking it out on me. She's a baby! Ugh vent over!
LOL slept 6 hours tonight and woke up after 2, which is great. But DS woke up at 1am from a nightmare and then at 1:45 the cat knocked over something large that made a ton of noise and scared the crap out of me. It's like they're all conspiring to make sure DH and I get as little sleep as possible.
I haven't read everyone's gripes but finally want to vent about my DH. I do most of the work, she only bottle feeds about 3x a week just starting out past 2 weeks. I went to meet a co-worker for a drink, was gone for 2 hours. I came back home and he was like "she's been crying for 30 minutes, I wanted to leave her I crib and cry...what's the difference between that and me holding her crying?" I was so upset at him. Even though you may try everything and it doesn't work, you keep going. I deal with this every day and you get a glimpse of it for 1 evening?
She stopped crying when I got her and she was trying to catch her breath in a whimper kind of way. It broke my heart. Now he's mad and taking it out on me. She's a baby! Ugh vent over!
Oh hell no! My DH has mentioned cio a couple times and I'm pretty sure googled it, but I have never let LO cry more than a few minutes. Now if he's just whimpering or whining I'll talk to him or give him his pacifier to see if that works, but if he progresses to full on tears, I pick him up. I think most moms on here have said that they don't let their babies cry for more than 5 to 10 minutes. I'm sure I'll eventually let him go longer than that, but 30 minutes? Negative. And he honestly didn't get the difference in holding her and just leaving her in the crib and got mad? I'm sorry!
He actually didn't let her cry it out but said he wanted to. I didn't get into an argument with him just simply grabbed her from his arms and went upstairs and rocked and talked to her. He's such a loving man I was completely shocked.
Needless to say it helped me get back to my reality zone for days when I get frustrated at her (we all have those days!) that she's doing her best!
@slr1229 good! Not meaning to attack him, but I would have been shocked to find that, too! I just don't think men understand soothing and consoling like we do, their nature is that they need to fix problems, and if they can't they get frustrated. When I get upset, DH wants to offer advice and "fix" it when sometimes I just want to be held, babies are the same way.
LOL slept 6 hours tonight and woke up after 2, which is great. But DS woke up at 1am from a nightmare and then at 1:45 the cat knocked over something large that made a ton of noise and scared the crap out of me. It's like they're all conspiring to make sure DH and I get as little sleep as possible.
I give you mad props, and everyone else who has a toddler and a newborn/infant.. I couldn't imagine
I physically can't do CIO. Don't get me wrong I let LO fuss (I also sit where she can't see me and watch her make a face and yell and then be content the next second...she's a whiner), but the second it turns into real crying I pick her up. It takes 30 seconds of stroking and shushing and I put her back down and she's fine. I literally start sweating if she's actually crying. I can see how it's a last resort for fussy babies and I FULLY intended on practicing it before she was born (HA) but...my heart just hurts.
This is all for naps BTW...I'm the asshole who's baby put herself down to sleep at night since week 2.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
I physically can't do CIO. Don't get me wrong I let LO fuss (I also sit where she can't see me and watch her make a face and yell and then be content the next second...she's a whiner), but the second it turns into real crying I pick her up. It takes 30 seconds of stroking and shushing and I put her back down and she's fine. I literally start sweating if she's actually crying. I can see how it's a last resort for fussy babies and I FULLY intended on practicing it before she was born (HA) but...my heart just hurts.
This is all for naps BTW...I'm the asshole who's baby put herself down to sleep at night since week 2.
I'm the same way! Just can't stand to see her cry.
Got a bill from the IRS from my 2013 filing. For some reason, they are showing 9 pages of $6 transactions that I supposedly didn't report. And some other supposed investment transactions. Which add up to a $1300 bill. Now I have to figure out wtf is going on and how to fight this, or pay by September 30. Grrrrrrr....
My day started with a lot of poop. LO has a blowout after three days of build up, so she got a morning bath. Then, not but 15 minutes later my DS informs me that he pooped in the playroom. Sometimes he just takes his poopie diaper off and then comes and tells us, but this time he literally did poop in the playroom. Lovely. I guess the bright side is that at least he didn't play with it or rub it on the walls. It could always be worse.
I physically can't do CIO. Don't get me wrong I let LO fuss (I also sit where she can't see me and watch her make a face and yell and then be content the next second...she's a whiner), but the second it turns into real crying I pick her up. It takes 30 seconds of stroking and shushing and I put her back down and she's fine. I literally start sweating if she's actually crying. I can see how it's a last resort for fussy babies and I FULLY intended on practicing it before she was born (HA) but...my heart just hurts.
This is all for naps BTW...I'm the asshole who's baby put herself down to sleep at night since week 2.
I'm the same way! Just can't stand to see her cry.
With DS, I had to leave the house. I would take the monitor and ride my bike on the trainer in the garage. I could see the lights but the bike was loud enough I couldn't really hear. Luckily it only took 2 nights. By night 3, he cried 4 min and fell asleep.
But I know what you mean. When either kid cries, I get an aadrenaline dump, it makes my heart race and stresses me out. DH doesn't get why it bothers me. It's because I'm the mom and if my baby is crying, something is wrong and I need to fix it. Duh.
I need to stop going into carter's. I really need to stop. I bought LO a fur vest today. Why, you ask? Because I have an addiction to cheap girl clothes.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
I need to stop going into carter's. I really need to stop. I bought LO a fur vest today. Why, you ask? Because I have an addiction to cheap girl clothes.
Seriously they always have like 40% off coupons and things are already cheap. I had to tell my family to please stop unless it's marked 9 months or older!
discovered something really cute that my LO does, told DH i wanted to show him when he got off work, i guess LO heard* me cause he decided to go down for the night at 7-8 instead of his usual 9-10
This freaking 12 week leap is a MESS! I can't put her in the car this weekend without her screaming bloody murder. Also, anyone else's family/friends look at you/think your crazy when you turn down plans (lunch/hang out) bc LO is fussy? They all seem to think I just need to feed her & she'll chill...........
My dog was just crying and crying and biting his tail so I was like oh helllll no we are not going through this again. He comes over and lays next to me while I'm feeding the baby and LO and behold he has a slug hanging off his butt and rubbed it all over our new couch. UGHHHHHH
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
@dancegurl1118 I'm sorry, but that made me laugh! Only because with 2 cats, a dog, toddler and infant, I can completely relate. Better than tail problems, right? I hope slug cleans up easy!
^^^ I hate the hiccups. And somehow babies have them just go away?!? I have to use all these tricks to make them go away, but a baby you just wait a little while and they're gone. What's up with that? What's that secret?
My sister told me to eat a spoonful of peanut butter the last time i had them. I was too busy with something else to try... but may try this next time if i remember.
My sister told me to eat a spoonful of peanut butter the last time i had them. I was too busy with something else to try... but may try this next time if i remember.
Ooooo!!! This is my vice! Giant spoonfuls of PB. DH says, "Nooo... Tell the Bump it was probably CAUSED by spoonfuls of peanut butter!" )
Inlaws were here all last week from across country...between his mom being "sick" yet not stearing clear of Lo ( when I wasn't around) and his niece obsessed with putting her hands all over his face (drove me mad), Lo now has his first cold.. So effing irritated
Re: The Daily Gripe
Whenever I feel bad about it, I remind myself that they're NOT the ones who have to deal with an overtired baby! (Have you experienced an overtired 3 year old? Lord, help me!)
Now, with the second baby, they are actually use to our schedules which is nice.
Ultimately, it's her rudeness that has caused problems, so my parents should stop pointing to their opinions on how she raises the kids.
Here's another example: After a long weekend at my parents' beach home, she once gave us all the silent treatment for 2 hours - leaning against the front door with her arms crossed while we all ate breakfast!! She was mad my brother wouldn't leave because she felt sick, apparently. Not that we knew why she was mad - nor would she respond when we asked her. My parents had given up their bed and slept on the couch the night before, since she was sick - which she never acknowledged or thanked them for. She didn't say a word to them when she and my brother finally left!
So point being - I guess kids' schedules seem to be the easiest thing to openly criticize for some reason, but in our case, there are deeper seeded issues.
And my other point - wow, I really wonder what her side is. Maybe I'm the crazy SIL for siding with her parents IL!
Just. Can't.
~X(
edit for spelling
She stopped crying when I got her and she was trying to catch her breath in a whimper kind of way. It broke my heart. Now he's mad and taking it out on me. She's a baby! Ugh vent over!
Eta: cio, not cyo
Needless to say it helped me get back to my reality zone for days when I get frustrated at her (we all have those days!) that she's doing her best!
=D>
This is all for naps BTW...I'm the asshole who's baby put herself down to sleep at night since week 2.
But I know what you mean. When either kid cries, I get an aadrenaline dump, it makes my heart race and stresses me out. DH doesn't get why it bothers me. It's because I'm the mom and if my baby is crying, something is wrong and I need to fix it. Duh.
guess ill have to show DH another day -_-
edit: heard, not "beard"
DH says, "Nooo... Tell the Bump it was probably CAUSED by spoonfuls of peanut butter!"