Is it ok to do your own babyshower instead of having a family member/friend throw you one?

lori081415

MariahOBrien

Oh lawd.

MamaBear345

This def depends on the situation!
Personally I think it's tacky and I wouldn't do it, but if my friend did I wouldn't care and I would still go!

Knottie59387608

A shower is a gift. You don't throw your own. Fair warning all hell is about to break loose lol.

RainNFyre

Balloons... lots and lots of balloons. Gif at will, ladies.

OliveOyl2014

I'm really grossed out by all the yes responses. A baby shower isn't a right. No one is required to have one.

intheversa

I think the general etiquette rule is no.  If no one is throwing you a shower maybe do this instead. 

We are doing this with DH's friends. We are hosting a final BBQ before baby. We supply the food and accept any dishes that people bring. We are not asking for gifts. If someone brings a gift we say thank you, otherwise it's a fun BBQ with friends. We don't expect anyone to give us anything, but if someone wants to then we'll gladly accept. 

As people have stated here, a shower is a gift, not a requirement. 

J1D

I think the more important question here really is, what kind of cake will be served? Cause I'm a huge fan of white cake with a vanilla or cream cheese frosting with fresh berries! Yum! I don't care who hosts it! If the cake is good and there are balloons I will be there on time with gifts in hand! This is one girl who's love can indeed be bought with food

MariahOBrien

J1D said:

I think the more important question here really is, what kind of cake will be served? Cause I'm a huge fan of white cake with a vanilla or cream cheese frosting with fresh berries! Yum! I don't care who hosts it! If the cake is good and there are balloons I will be there on time with gifts in hand! This is one girl who's love can indeed be bought with food

Stop! Stop! Stop! I'm gonna die! I NEED CAKE NOW!

OP, for realz, what's the cake sitch?

myxunyamaexiong

I was going to do it for myself... Why? Because it's for my child not for me & I had an awesome theme too... I guess I just hate it when people "feel obligated" to do things for me... Instead of happily doing it... Maybe it's because they always complain and I think they probably complain about me too... Like... "I Guess I will sacrifice sleep, I haven't slept bc I had to work..." One too many times get you to think that they're obligated to do things for you instead of being ver happy...

MariahOBrien

I feel obligated to break out this highly NSFW ken cake

alinic916

J1D said:

I think the more important question here really is, what kind of cake will be served? Cause I'm a huge fan of white cake with a vanilla or cream cheese frosting with fresh berries! Yum! I don't care who hosts it! If the cake is good and there are balloons I will be there on time with gifts in hand! This is one girl who's love can indeed be bought with food

I had the best cake at my shower yesterday! And one of the girls hates frosting so I got all her frosting too!! I was in heaven!! Cake makes me happy.  All of the other food was good too, but the cake was amazing!

LiveNLove44

Why do I feel like we get a post like this every weekend?

Balloons are a must and small, furry animals can also provide limitless entertainment!

mammadin

I think it's fine if you want to host your own baby shower. It means you'll have it the way you want it and if you like throwing parties will be lots of fun. If you are worried about how it looks, organise it but ask your best friend to send out the invites for you!

MamaOwl15

1) OP, I'm guessing you're new to the Bump. This question has been asked and answered a few times. And if you are new, welcome! We're a pretty cool group of ladies. We just have some strong opinions about baby showers.

2) What's with all this discussion about cake? Stop torturing me with things I can't have!!! (Unless it's sugar-free cake . . .)

eat111315

I chose etiquettes. Always.

J1D

@MamaOwl15 Well, technically the cake I mentioned was not sugar free, but I was totally about to say something about a delightful sugar free cake in your favorite all time flavor being at the shower! (And I heard a rumor it was fat free too and full of vitamins!) And if it makes you feel any better I totally screwed myself by bringing up cake and dreamed about it all night and kept waking up sad and hungry cause I didn't have any!!!!

J1D

Can I jump back in and say I love OP that you asked this as a poll question? This topic normally comes up and the earth cracks open and the sky darkens and choas descends and people get offended and then the bunnies come and then somtimes people get banned and the thread gets closed and then a gentle rain falls and small flowers start to bloom and the sun comes back out and slowly all returns to normal... But, you never really get a feel for what the actual yes vs no count is. I think it's really interesting to just see some straight up numbers.

MamaOwl15

J1D said:

@MamaOwl15 Well, technically the cake I mentioned was not sugar free, but I was totally about to say something about a delightful sugar free cake in your favorite all time flavor being at the shower! (And I heard a rumor it was fat free too and full of vitamins!) And if it makes you feel any better I totally screwed myself by bringing up cake and dreamed about it all night and kept waking up sad and hungry cause I didn't have Uany!!!!

I'm OK with a cake with more fat than a stick of butter, as long as it's low in carbs. :-)

Jones.Young.10.3.09

No

amberrmariee20

I've never heard of anyone doing their own baby shower, but I've heard of helping whoever with the baby shower !

christina4436

J1D said:

Can I jump back in and say I love OP that you asked this as a poll question? This topic normally comes up and the earth cracks open and the sky darkens and choas descends and people get offended and then the bunnies come and then somtimes people get banned and the thread gets closed and then a gentle rain falls and small flowers start to bloom and the sun comes back out and slowly all returns to normal... But, you never really get a feel for what the actual yes vs no count is. I think it's really interesting to just see some straight up numbers.

I second this. Great question for a poll and think more people should use them... Especially if you're not going to use the search function.

But the long and short of it is NO, please don't throw your own shower. It's tacky.

amberrmariee20

J1D said:

Can I jump back in and say I love OP that you asked this as a poll question? This topic normally comes up and the earth cracks open and the sky darkens and choas descends and people get offended and then the bunnies come and then somtimes people get banned and the thread gets closed and then a gentle rain falls and small flowers start to bloom and the sun comes back out and slowly all returns to normal... But, you never really get a feel for what the actual yes vs no count is. I think it's really interesting to just see some straight up numbers.

Haha I love the way you put this !

FrozenMommy

First time last night eating cake since getting pregnant, and I was SO disappointed!!! My mom F'd up the german chocolate filling, my favorite part. It tasted like oranges....But on the plus side, I ate all the chocolate frosting, and it only spiked my sugar a tiny bit. Yay extra insulin! After a big fat steak, I figured I would be alright.

adriennerose80

Didn't someone on here once say they were going to throw their own shower and instead of gifts they wanted baby names? I think I'm stealing that idea for mine. Except I also expect my guests to bring me lots of cake.

J1D

adriennerose80 said:

Didn't someone on here once say they were going to throw their own shower and instead of gifts they wanted baby names? I think I'm stealing that idea for mine. Except I also expect my guests to bring me lots of cake.

I read this and thought- forget about the gifts! Baby can sleep in a cardboard box, he'll be fine. If this shower is really for me and not the baby, bring me cake and rub my feet!!!

And dang it all, now I want cake AND a massage!

crbpjb

First time I EVER heard of anyone hosting their own shower it was Jenelle from Teen Mom 2 for a second baby, and my reaction was:

WTF???

MariahOBrien

This thread is making me soooooo hungry

yadirahess44

I say do whatever you want.. My family is throwing me the baby shower but I sent the invites so it might look like I'm the one doing it but everyone is pitching in I'm having about 60 ppl come ... It can be a lot of work doing it on ur own unless it's super small but don't worry about it looking tacky your friends and family know you and I'm sure they don't think like that.

OliveOyl2014

mammadin said:

I think it's fine if you want to host your own baby shower. It means you'll have it the way you want it and if you like throwing parties will be lots of fun. If you are worried about how it looks, organise it but ask your best friend to send out the invites for you!

This basically means "I know throwing my own shower is considered gift grabby, so I'll just "pretend" someone else hosted it so I don't come across as rude." If you are truly worried about what people will think, then you already know that you shouldn't do it.

FirstTimer+2015

There is no right or wrong answer here! Personally I wouldn't throw my own... Ever! However, if someone else did, so be it! Who cares!!!

leighann1

One of my guests lost the invitation and asked me to send her all the information. That felt awkward enough, and she came to me about it. I can't fathom having the nerve to send my own invites asking people to bring gifts...

But I will take all the cake. 

gabrielafrnqyepez

oooboiii ! im glad everyone is behaving, but ive always know that we throw our showers and yes for every baby !!!!!! every woman ive ever known has thrown their own shower, i guess my group of ppl are all tacky .... o well, if it makes you happy...oooo and btw we have huge cakes too not tall like wedding cakes just big cakes ....yummmyummmyuummmy!!!!!!

FrozenMommy

I see nothing wrong with your friend asking for the info....I mean, if it's someone that doesn't know the host well, and they lost their info, it would make sense for her to contact YOU! LOL. 

leighann1

FrozenMommy said:

I see nothing wrong with your friend asking for the info....I mean, if it's someone that doesn't know the host well, and they lost their info, it would make sense for her to contact YOU! LOL. 

Oh yeah, nothing wrong with it. It just made me feel awkward for some reason. Not rational, just reminded me that I would find it unbearably awkward to actually host my own. That's just me, though

carlymarie021

Ok, I'm one of the yes's due to the fact I don't care what people say or feel I most definitely would throw my own shower. I know a lot of moms to do this. Some people are surprised to find out that women throw their own. It's pretty common in my area. So it's no biggie to me. Presents.

ellaricha3

I know there's a lot of stuff to get for baby and it can be overwhelming, but a baby shower isn't a guaranteed right. It would be great if family or friends stepped up and made this happen for you, but I agree that it looks a little entitled to throw your own. You could host a sip and see after the baby is born (with no registry info on the invite or implication of gifts expected) and basically invite friends and family over to meet the baby and drink mimosas! This way, you get to celebrate your baby, but without people feeling obligated. If they decide to bring something, great! If not, that's ok too!! They got to come meet your beautiful new baby!!! Just my two cents... Good luck and congrats on your new addition!!! ☺️

intheversa

I honestly think it depends on where you live and your family traditions. At least that's the vibe I'm getting here. I'm from the Midwest. My parent's generation would be shocked if I threw my own shower.  My mom and MIL are throwing me one which for me is a little odd because my mom has never been for that, but MIL really wanted to so they are. They keep dragging me in on opinions for food and I try to stay out of it as much as possible mainly because I was brought up to not be involved in the shower when you're the guest of honor. If where you are from it's more common then it's probably OK. But I think a lot of us weren't. 

With me throwing the last BBQ Before Baby it's more to shut up DH's friends every time they complain about him never being free to hang out anymore because we're busy getting ready for the baby. If they chose to bring gifts I would be shocked, but I'm not asking them to.

@leighann1 @J1D @adriennerose80 @mamaowl15 @frozenmommy Don't hate me, but I made these last night. They are not sugar free. And they might be better than cake...

1stimemom2

intheversa said:

I think the general etiquette rule is no.  If no one is throwing you a shower maybe do this instead. 

We are doing this with DH's friends. We are hosting a final BBQ before baby. We supply the food and accept any dishes that people bring. We are not asking for gifts. If someone brings a gift we say thank you, otherwise it's a fun BBQ with friends. We don't expect anyone to give us anything, but if someone wants to then we'll gladly accept. 

As people have stated here, a shower is a gift, not a requirement. 

I really like the BBQ idea, it doesn't even really seem like a shower but you will still get presents. I was thinking about doing something like that or a sip and see after the baby is born. Most of my family is out of town on my side, my mom is going through aggressive chemo, and my sister who is a few years younger than me is pretty wrapped up in her own life and bitches to come down and help with my mother on a few weekends I can't cover. So I say do whatever you want to do and who cares what these other people say. The people who actually care will show. Hell I will come presents in hand if it's near me.

intheversa

@1stimemom2 sorry about your mom, that's got to be hard. I think a sip and see would be a great idea for you!

I don't honestly expect DH's friends to give us anything. If they do great, but it was more of a last hurrah for them. They're not happy that we're having this baby because they use our house to hang out. But they are also at a different point in their lives than we are. 

RainNFyre

I might need to make new poll about cake. I'm torn between yellow cake with chocolate frosting (has always been my go to bday cake) vs white cake with lemon curd/raspberry filling and a cream cheese frosting vs my newest discovery of lemon meringue cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory.

I want all the cake.