Hi everyone! My husband and I are TTC our first baby and man is it STRESSFUL!! And FRUSTRATING! And DISAPPOINTING! Each month I get a BFN or AF comes to visit, I have a meltdown, so he suggested I jump online and try to find support; other women who know exactly how I'm feeling and I am so glad I'm here! This thread in particular attracted me because it's definitely what I have been dealing with since we started trying.
Literally.
Every time I turn around, someone else is pregnant! Whether its scrolling through Facebook,in the salon, the grocery store, the mall, or even at a restaurant, I seem to be surrounded by adorable pregnant women! Since we started TTC, five friends and my sister-in-law have announced their pregnancies and in rapid succession! When my sister-in-law decided to tell us all that she was pregnant with her third child, I had just gotten a BFN that day, told her about it, and then she announced her pregnancy about 20 minutes later with the whole family present. I know that nothing malicious was meant by it, but it still hurt a lot! I am so happy for her, but the experience has just made my husbands and mine situation all the more frustrating. Because now it's up close and personal and I get to watch her do and experience all of the things that I wish that I could. I'm envious of her and I am anxious for it to be my turn! I am trying so hard to stay positive and not stress, but as all of you know, that's easier said than done!
Just got my first BFN since trying. Made me cry a bit, but I know I have to just pick myself up and dust myself off. I hope there won't be too many of these along the way. I just heard of yet another friend lapping me with baby number two and I'm so over being happy for everyone else!
@MedicMomma84- I've definitely been there. Isn't it funny to go the majority of your life trying to avoid pregnancy and then be so devastate for a BFN. If I had a scare (before I read TCOYF), I would have been dancing around the bathroom with every BFN. Now, there are tears each month. I don't know that it gets easier. Good luck with the rest of your TTC journey! Hopefully your stay is a short one!
My BFF is in her third trimester. She knows that DH and I are TTC, but she still sends all of the videos of her ultrasounds and how excited she is. I'm trying to put on a good show, but it's hard. She just thinks of getting KTFU and boom: BFP. We're in the 6th Month Slump. It sucks.
Thank you for your kind words @BerkeBaby . I woke up this morning to AF and even though I had already got a BFN on the test, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am trying to think of something else to distract me this morning, but it's hard. I hope you and your DH get a BFP soon too!
Thank you for your kind words @BerkeBaby . I woke up this morning to AF and even though I had already got a BFN on the test, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am trying to think of something else to distract me this morning, but it's hard. I hope you and your DH get a BFP soon too!
If you haven't already, make sure you are participating in the WTO/TWW threads. I have found so much support and comfort from the women here. They really are an amazing support system and it's nice to have people who can relate to what you're going through. So sorry for CD1. I hope to see you on the WTO board soon.
Hi everyone! My husband and I are TTC our first baby and man is it STRESSFUL!! And FRUSTRATING! And DISAPPOINTING! Each month I get a BFN or AF comes to visit, I have a meltdown, so he suggested I jump online and try to find support; other women who know exactly how I'm feeling and I am so glad I'm here! This thread in particular attracted me because it's definitely what I have been dealing with since we started trying.
Literally.
Every time I turn around, someone else is pregnant! Whether its scrolling through Facebook,in the salon, the grocery store, the mall, or even at a restaurant, I seem to be surrounded by adorable pregnant women! Since we started TTC, five friends and my sister-in-law have announced their pregnancies and in rapid succession! When my sister-in-law decided to tell us all that she was pregnant with her third child, I had just gotten a BFN that day, told her about it, and then she announced her pregnancy about 20 minutes later with the whole family present. I know that nothing malicious was meant by it, but it still hurt a lot! I am so happy for her, but the experience has just made my husbands and mine situation all the more frustrating. Because now it's up close and personal and I get to watch her do and experience all of the things that I wish that I could. I'm envious of her and I am anxious for it to be my turn! I am trying so hard to stay positive and not stress, but as all of you know, that's easier said than done!
Me:30
DH: 30
Married: May 2015
TTC#1: October 2015
I can relate 100%. This process hasn't been very easy for DH and I. We have had issues recently with him feeling pressured to perform and I just found out my younger sister is KU! She wasn't trying. Neither was my younger brother and his GF when they had their baby in September. My brother has commented to me before jokingly when I would spend time with my nephew for me to stop 'playing mommy'....obviously oblivious to how hurtful that can be. It's a frustrating process but I want to try to be more positive, stress can't help this process, only hurt it.
Hi everyone! My husband and I are TTC our first baby and man is it STRESSFUL!! And FRUSTRATING! And DISAPPOINTING! Each month I get a BFN or AF comes to visit, I have a meltdown, so he suggested I jump online and try to find support; other women who know exactly how I'm feeling and I am so glad I'm here! This thread in particular attracted me because it's definitely what I have been dealing with since we started trying.
Literally.
Every time I turn around, someone else is pregnant! Whether its scrolling through Facebook,in the salon, the grocery store, the mall, or even at a restaurant, I seem to be surrounded by adorable pregnant women! Since we started TTC, five friends and my sister-in-law have announced their pregnancies and in rapid succession! When my sister-in-law decided to tell us all that she was pregnant with her third child, I had just gotten a BFN that day, told her about it, and then she announced her pregnancy about 20 minutes later with the whole family present. I know that nothing malicious was meant by it, but it still hurt a lot! I am so happy for her, but the experience has just made my husbands and mine situation all the more frustrating. Because now it's up close and personal and I get to watch her do and experience all of the things that I wish that I could. I'm envious of her and I am anxious for it to be my turn! I am trying so hard to stay positive and not stress, but as all of you know, that's easier said than done!
Me:30
DH: 30
Married: May 2015
TTC#1: October 2015
I can relate 100%. This process hasn't been very easy for DH and I. We have had issues recently with him feeling pressured to perform and I just found out my younger sister is KU! She wasn't trying. Neither was my younger brother and his GF when they had their baby in September. My brother has commented to me before jokingly when I would spend time with my nephew for me to stop 'playing mommy'....obviously oblivious to how hurtful that can be. It's a frustrating process but I want to try to be more positive, stress can't help this process, only hurt it.
Oh ouch! That's always the most hurtful thing to hear, and people really don't even realize that they're being hurtful. Men are always oblivious when it comes to this stuff. @nicjaney I hear ya! My cousins, younger and older, have all either recently had a baby or are currently expecting. To top it off, my (younger by 3 years, practically a baby herself) frenemy who got married a week before me announced that she was KU accidentally at Xmas. Oh well. Meanwhile I just order another wine and remind myself that she's never been able to legally drink yet lol (she turned 21 right after Xmas).
*Edited for typos because mobile sucks.
Previously PaukMeKiande
Surprise BFP/MC February 2011 BFP May 16th 2016
EDD January 25 2017 DD born January 30 2017 Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
@LynneHume I feel the same way. I have been tracking and doing everything recommended by books, doctors and websites but to no avail. I feel like if I don't cross every "t" and dot every "i" its my fault that I didn't get pregnant that month. My childhood best friend and I have been TTC for the past 4-6 months (me for 6, her for 4) and we are only days apart in our cycles. We have been so excited at the idea of going through pregnancy together and possibly at the exact same time. She just told me she is pregnant this month and I have really mixed feelings about it. I was so glad she texted me the news because it would have been really awkward to find out in person. I am really happy for her obviously but I would be dishonest to not admit there is a big part of me that was so jealous and bitter about it. She already has a son and this will be her 2nd child. I need to realize it will happen when its supposed to and that I really have very little control, if any, over this process. You know what they say, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!"
Wow reading this just makes me feel so much better. We literally know 13 couples pregnant and every time we hear someone else's announcement my husband just looks at me waiting for me to break down. My sister in law got KU by her ex boyfriend and this past weekend we were at my in laws...She's about 26 weeks. My husband and I found out on Friday about his SA results- low motility and low morphology. Well when she announced shes naming her baby after our father in law- my husbands name!- I was floored. When we left I just cried and cried. Normally my husband can talk me through it but even he was upset! It's his name and wanted to name his future son that. It's just been really really tough these past few weeks. I have 7 baby showers in the next 4 months.... I just can't wait till its our time.
Me: 29
DH: 30
Happily Ever After: 05-15-2015 TTC since June 2015
I pretty much feel like the worst person ever, when my SIL announced her pg I honestly just felt really jealous and sad. And this will be my first ever niece or nephew and I don't even feel happy for excited. DH's mom said "you know you've been married for 5 years, and people are asking." Yeah well if it was only that easy! SIL also likes to mention the fact to me that she went off BCP and "oopsie," the next month she was pg!!
Cool. good for you.
Man I feel like the most selfish person in the world.
Me: 27 // DH: 30 Married 05/21/2011 TTC Since Feb 2016 RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS 5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018 IT'S A BOY!
I live in a small mining town in Australia, and as is the way around here people are getting pregnant left right and center. My SIL is having baby number two and I've been trying for my first for 6 months. It's agonising. And this month I was sure I was pregnant. I was absolutely SURE!! As it turns out i'm not and the devastation and heartbreak is just too much. It doesn't help that my husband is from a traditional European family and we have been getting the "When will I get my grandbaby" since the day we got married. This is shortly followed by "What's wrong with you?" if we can say we are pregnant. It's excrutiating. And now I'm finding myself resenting all the pregnant women that I know who don't do the right thing by their baby. The smokers, the excessive sugar eaters, the coffee drinkers, the 1 glass a week of winers. I just find that I would kill to be in the position of carrying a child and the women who are just don't appreciate it. And I know I have no right to judge, I know it's jealousy, I know its not fair for me to do it but I just can't help it. I just really want to be a mum you know? More than anything else...
Also if I have to hear "If you just relax and don't stress you will get pregnant" one more time I will shoot someone!!! The stress of trying to get pregnant, unless you are an absolute basket case, will not STOP you from getting pregnant. People need to stop thinking that they are helping with words like this, it just makes it worse and it makes it YOUR FAULT like you are somehow jinxing yourself by having any emotions towards the process. people just don't get it! Thank god I have somewhere to vent, this has been driving me absolutely bonkers.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear that! People just don't have any tact huh. I've had friends that are like that - nosy and say all sorts of unnecessary, hurtful things. I've distanced myself from them. It's actually a shame to burn bridges like that when you've known them since college, but I don't need them in my life either.
I've deleted most social media apps from my phone and unfollowed people on Facebook. I think it's helped! I think it's not really just getting pregnant/having kids though because people just overshare everything - so if it's not this, it's something else
This is something I have struggled with for a very long time. I was the type that smiled in front of you and your "this my 4th kid in 4 years and we weren't even trying" face and secretly cried ugly tears for days afterwards. It's definitely hard and it brings so much more than just pain but opens your heart up to envy, bitterness, anger, and doubt. ALL of which I've felt and been multiple times a year in the last 8 years. I don't know when it was exactly, if I can even pinpoint a time when it just got easier but it was when my thinking of our TTC journey changed from "if" to "when." I realized it is not a matter of IF I get pregnant or IF I ever am a mom it was a matter WHEN. I know that I will have children one day whether biological or not, and I WILL be a mom. Once I changed my thought process it really helped in helping me understand God's timing and helping me to celebrate other's blessings. Whereas I think before when I was more "if" minded it brought up the fears of what if I don't ever have kids, what if I'm never mom, what if I miscarry, what if I can't have kids, what if... what if... what if. All those what ifs is what brought that envy, doubt, anger and bitterness. When you focus on those things it invites so much more pain and ugliness into your heart, making it that much harder. So instead I consciously, with lots of effort because it isn't easy, choose every day to focus on the "when" and trust that God sees a bigger picture than I'm able to see at the moment and though I question His timing every day....it WILL happen. (And even now as I type that there's that small evil voice in my head that whispers but "what if it doesn't" and I doubt again....the struggle is real!) IT WILL HAPPEN!
TTC #1 since 2/2008 2 doggy kids (Zeus and Attie) www.dreamingofbrownies.com
At first when ttc, DH and I decided to keep it a secret for the fun of the announcement. After a few unsuccessful months, we decided to share with a few close friends who aren't even near ttc, but we knew would be there as a listening ear. Having the disappointment out in the open helps. As well as lack of pregnancy jokes from those friends.
@jmax2014 I did the same thing. I told my bff and my SIL. They are both my age (23) and in serious relationships but not married or trying. It's the closest I can get to support from people who are close to that stage in life and are sympathetic but who do not have kids already and trying to give me advice left and right.
I totally am in the same boat. My best friend got pregnant and she was on birth control... not trying to get pregnant. A girl I use to work with got married a month before found out she is pregnant and they are 4 days apart from each other. It's hard to hear, see and deal with. I feel like I have nobody to talk to or understands. They just think I am being impatient. Do you take anything to help with fertility? I am looking at other things to do.
It's really hard sometimes, I was pregnant last year but had a miscarriage at 11 weeks and we've not had any luck since. Half literally half my friends have had a baby or are pregnant now. I'm happy for them but it reminds me of what I lost, and then I beat myself up for feeling sorry for myself. I'm 31 and it would be our first, sometimes I just want to give up because those bfn are awful and worse when flow is late and gets our hopes up
We just decided to ttc, but I've wanted a baby for a long time. Just had to wait several years for my husband to be ready. Both of my unmarried SILs have had unplanned pregnancies over the last couple of years. Each time they've announced their pregnancies, their baby daddies say, "It's your turn next!" I'm like, "It was my turn first!" I'm married! My life is stable! But I have to be responsible and wait until graduate school is over and until my husband is ready and until financial plans have been made. And now, after years of normal cycles, I've suddenly developed PCOS. It's so annoying. I have no advice on dealing when other people are all getting KU. I just took this opportunity to vent.
edit- failed to properly include a gif
SN used to be soemthingclever Me: 28 DH: 35 Dx PCOS May 2015 Baby #1 due 12/7/17
I hear that. I don't really have pregnancy raining down in my neck of the woods, friend-wise (I'm the oldest in my group of friends, and we're all trying to get our ducks in a row). But I see a lot of little ones and expectant moms out in town. It stings a little. DH and I are both dealing with life-long issues (autism, depression, anxiety) and it helps us to just vent sometimes.
Re: Pro-tips on How to Deal When Everyone Else is Pregnant
Literally.
Every time I turn around, someone else is pregnant! Whether its scrolling through Facebook,in the salon, the grocery store, the mall, or even at a restaurant, I seem to be surrounded by adorable pregnant women! Since we started TTC, five friends and my sister-in-law have announced their pregnancies and in rapid succession! When my sister-in-law decided to tell us all that she was pregnant with her third child, I had just gotten a BFN that day, told her about it, and then she announced her pregnancy about 20 minutes later with the whole family present. I know that nothing malicious was meant by it, but it still hurt a lot! I am so happy for her, but the experience has just made my husbands and mine situation all the more frustrating. Because now it's up close and personal and I get to watch her do and experience all of the things that I wish that I could. I'm envious of her and I am anxious for it to be my turn! I am trying so hard to stay positive and not stress, but as all of you know, that's easier said than done!
Me:30
My BFF is in her third trimester. She knows that DH and I are TTC, but she still sends all of the videos of her ultrasounds and how excited she is. I'm trying to put on a good show, but it's hard. She just thinks of getting KTFU and boom: BFP. We're in the 6th Month Slump. It sucks.
@nicjaney I hear ya! My cousins, younger and older, have all either recently had a baby or are currently expecting. To top it off, my (younger by 3 years, practically a baby herself) frenemy who got married a week before me announced that she was KU accidentally at Xmas. Oh well. Meanwhile I just order another wine and remind myself that she's never been able to legally drink yet lol (she turned 21 right after Xmas).
*Edited for typos because mobile sucks.
BFP May 16th 2016
DD born January 30 2017
Surprise BFP/MC April 2017
My childhood best friend and I have been TTC for the past 4-6 months (me for 6, her for 4) and we are only days apart in our cycles. We have been so excited at the idea of going through pregnancy together and possibly at the exact same time. She just told me she is pregnant this month and I have really mixed feelings about it. I was so glad she texted me the news because it would have been really awkward to find out in person. I am really happy for her obviously but I would be dishonest to not admit there is a big part of me that was so jealous and bitter about it. She already has a son and this will be her 2nd child. I need to realize it will happen when its supposed to and that I really have very little control, if any, over this process. You know what they say, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!"
TTC since June 2015
September Football Siggy
Cool. good for you.
Man I feel like the most selfish person in the world.
Married 05/21/2011
TTC Since Feb 2016
RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS
5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI
BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018
IT'S A BOY!
I've deleted most social media apps from my phone and unfollowed people on Facebook. I think it's helped! I think it's not really just getting pregnant/having kids though because people just overshare everything - so if it's not this, it's something else
Me: 29 : Him: 30
Married Since: May 2013
2 doggy kids (Zeus and Attie)
www.dreamingofbrownies.com
TTC since August 2018
edit- failed to properly include a gif
Me: 28 DH: 35
Dx PCOS May 2015
Baby #1 due 12/7/17
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17