Longest Thread EVER! (aka Random Thoughts Thread )

hlm184

Twirple said:

@hlm184 I wan't your mom's loom.  If she wants to get rid of it, I'll take it off her hands.  I might have to get rid of the couch to make room for it, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

I have spent the last three evenings making the warp woven blanket for Carlene.  Tonight I get to get the warp on the loom.

Hahahah good luck with that!  She juuust got it, this is her first project on it!  

Cfvonfam

RTT I need your opinions/advice! To give you all a bit of background info, DH is military and goes to the military college full time paid by the army. He's one of the few experienced soldiers who get their degree sponsored in order to commission when they graduate. At his college the other candidates are around 18-20 year olds, he's 31. He also gets to come home at the end of the day while the other students stay in dorms on campus.

Well I've noticed that he's been exchanging private FB messages with one of the female students at his school. Today I got the itch to see what they were all about because he kept smiling at his phone while writing and hiding from me a bit (going to another room or turning his phone away). When I asked him what's so funny he said he was laughing at DS but I knew he had just received a text cause his phone vibrated.

So I logged into his FB when he left the house and I saw that he drove that girl to the library last night (he told me that he had to go to school to study quietly) which he never mentioned to me. He came home at 11pm and went to bed at midnight. Their messages don't allude to anything serious - I don't think anything has been going on - but his tone is certainly funny/flirty and I was a bit surprised by his jokes. For example the girl is complaining about her dorm room and he says "you should have come home with me then" followed quickly by "what..we have a guest room at the house" COME ON. Am I crazy to think this is weird and inappropriate?! I can't say anything because I don't want to look like the crazy jealous wife but... This doesn't feel right.

How do you feel about a spouse flirting - not necessarily cheating? Is it a sign that he will cheat or just harmless games to prove he's still got it with the little girls? I'm confused and a bit hurt to be honest.... Thanks ladies. I don't know where else to turn right now and I needed to get this off my chest.

hlm184

Oh man.  I'm sorry you're in that situation @Cfvonfam

I've never been there so I don't know that I have good advice, but I definitely see some red flags in the way he's handling the matter.  The hiding is a huge one.  Not sure what to tell you.

Cfvonfam

Thanks @hlm184‌ it's only because he's been secretive that I got curious and felt the need to see what's going on. Because if he was comfortable with the relationship he has with that girl, he wouldn't be hiding it from me. He has made some girl friends in the past and I'm not the jealous type so he knows I don't care about that. I'm also military and have lots of guy friends myself, but I don't flirt with them. I'm not sure how I'm going to address this or if I should.

edoliesmom

@Cfvonfam‌ Whether or not he plans to do anything further than flirting (which he obviously is, and not in an "innocent" way either; completely inappropriate), I would consider it emotional cheating. No matter how any of us views it, it obviously bothers you (and rightfully so!), and something needs to happen... What that something is, I have no idea. I wish I had better advice. Sorry you're going through this.

lokimau

My biggest concern would be the hiding. If he feels the need to hide it from you, then he knows what he is doing isn't right no matter how "harmless" the conversations may be.

snowbound

@Cfvonfam‌ I agree that there are definitely red flags there. I, personally, would address the situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

lokimau

Did my mention of baby earrings spark a UO??? I feel special

Jessimax

@Cfvonfam‌ the hiding would definitely irk me. DH has a "work wife" but it's all very open, they carpool to work all the time, I know when he is with her and it doesn't bother be. But the hiding is suspicious even if it is innocent now.

@dani+california‌ Great meeting you guys too. Finn was in awe to meet a real live police officer, I assume that is why he was so well behaved and barely spoke the whole meal lol. Let me know if you're ever up visiting your mom's family in La Belle Province

Cfvonfam

Thanks ladies, I feel better having just told you, it was really weighing on me. I'm thinking of finding a way to approach the subject like if he gets a text and he's left his phone in the other room, I could bring it to him and say "who is that girl?" in a pleasant, curious tone so he doesn't feel like I'm suspicious of anything..,then I can gauge his reaction.

I know, I sound pathetic, but I don't want to lay accusations before I have actual proof that something's going on. It's a tough spot to be in. I've always been very vocal about how I'd cut my husband's dick off if I found out that he was cheating on me (joking! Kind of... Lol) but now that I'm in a similar situation I feel helpless.

hlm184

Yeah, don't play games.  Say that you want to have a serious talk about something that has been bothering you.  Use "I" sentences.  Not "You're doing this!" but "I feel ___ when you do ___."

ambarnett1

That's not okay, at all. That is so disrespectful to you as well. Fx when you talk to him he cuts it out and nothing bad has already happened. I'm really sorry.

deidremaria

lokimau said:

My biggest concern would be the hiding. If he feels the need to hide it from you, then he knows what he is doing isn't right no matter how "harmless" the conversations may be.

THIS. Call me extreme but the minute it needs to be hidden from your partner the line has been crossed and the affair has started.

Shelbysteffens

I'm a jealous person, and I always think the worst of things if DH was doing that he would have to find a bed somewhere else and we would be in counseling.

The hiding, and the flirting are just red flags and I feel like if there's smoke there's fire. even if the fire is "what if" and "maybe" thoughts. Personally DH and I are so open with anything especially when it involves others from the opposite sex.

But then again my husband is surrounded my female marines who seem to have taken an interest in their married co-workers so my feelings on this issue right now are strong.

LittleLady77

Hi RTT **waves**

edoliesmom

I posted about this yesterday in the WTF Wednesday thread, but I'll update here.

My husband got an e-mail yesterday saying that the payroll department had messed up and hadn't been deducting his insurance premium from his paychecks. We had even noticed this after his first or second paycheck, so he inquired about it back in August or early Sept. to make sure everything was correct and was told that it was, in fact, correct. So we've been living and budgeting around what's been coming in, and they ended the e-mail by saying they were going to make up for not having taken out the premiums for 3 months by taking out double the amount out of the premium of every paycheck for the next 2 months.

He talked with them today, and they apologized and agreed to reduce the overall monthly deductions by a little over half. Whatever idiot they had working for them that did this did it the same thing to several people and is no longer working for them, thank goodness.

Also, the photographer who's doing our Christmas photo shoot has two Christmas specials going on. I signed up for the family one (the other one is just for children getting their pics taken solo and with Santa). The deposit has already been paid, and I wanted to make sure I had the date correct so I e-mailed the assistant today. She had me down for the other Christmas session, so now, depending on if one of 2 people fall through on their deposit by tonight, we might not get to do it.

But I just got off the phone with my MIL who has her younger son, wife and 2 young sons living in their camper right now until their trailer was delivered this week, and she told me that the person who was doing the paperwork for their loan forgot to mention that they had to pay off their other $13K before they could be approved for the loan for their trailer. The place had been living in was a small shabby building that they moved to the back of their property that they were going to turn into a storage building. In the process, the floor got ruined, making it unlivable. So now the 4 of them have to indefinitely live in this camper until they can find somewhere else to live.

That kind of put things into perspective for me and helped me count my blessings. I feel so bad for them. =((

Xxlilies

Sorry have to skip a few posts guys hopefully will be able to read some this weekend. 

Been trying to spend less time online, and its been easier to just do fb groups and instagram. 

Miss bumping though . 

Good stuff : 

- Started christmas shopping. LOVE amazon.ca found some cute stuff for LO's stocking too . 

- I finally made an appt for a new color and cut with a new hairstylist that I've heard good stuff about I don't know what is " bigger' the hair or that Im going to leave LO for a couple hours and *gasp* leave the house alone !

JessieAlbin

Had the interview today for that contest. One of the judges was a friend of mine's dad and she called me after to tell me how well I did! Big compliment!

edoliesmom

JessieAlbin said:

Had the interview today for that contest. One of the judges was a friend of mine's dad and she called me after to tell me how well I did! Big compliment!

Yay!! Glad it went well. <:-P

littlesocks

Vinny424 said:

@dani+california‌ Going to comics come home with my mom. Hoping jimmy Fallon won't be there this year. He's fucking awful.

This warrants coming out of lurking for.
You don't like jimmy fallon?! ^#(^

Eta: I'm not sure what that face is doing

ambarnett1

Tell me if I'm overreacting and being stupid or not. My dad wants me to go to Indiana 12 hr drive (without baby stops figured in) or a 2 hour flight. We would be going to see his mom and brothers. They have not called, texted, sent cards, etc for a long time. They never come out here and don't make any effort for me and my brothers. They did not come to my wedding or to see ds when he was born. My dad goes out every year to see them. He wants me to take DS, so his family can meet him. I want to please my dad, but I can't imagine being 5 or 6 months pregnant and taking a 8 or 9 month old all the way over there to people who don't give two shits about me and my son. Plus, DS is afraid of my dad and step mom. My dad never pressures my brothers to go see them, just me. My dad and I have a strained relationship and I can never tell him how I feel. AND he doesn't know I'm pregnant again. He was disappointed when I got pregnant with DS. So am I being ridiculous saying I don't want to go or am I pitching a fit for no reason? DH wouldn't go because of work and my dad is only paying for 1 ticket. DH doesn't think I should go because it stresses me out and I won't have any help over there.

Jessimax

Baby slept almost the whole way home from Toronto. It is now party time. I just want to shower and sleep in my own bed!!! X(

JessieAlbin

@ambarnett1‌ I absolutely wouldn't go and I wouldn't let anyone try to make you feel guilty for not, either. The fact that they can't/won't travel does not put the burden of a new mom and baby to travel across the damn country and show off said baby. No ma'am!

smushi

HOLY FUCKBALLS.

I was putting pants and jeans into the washer, and I grabbed one of DH's jeans off the floor and threw into the washing machine.  He'd recently worn them for yard work.  I saw a white spot on them, and it looked like foam.  Upon closer inspection (face 6 inches away from pant leg), I realized it was a web/sack.  Upon even closer inspection (face 2 inches away from pant leg), I realized there was a spider the size of a quarter guarding the white web/sack.

I. just. can't.  I haven't screamed that loudly since the brown recluse jumped out of the potty at me.

Teresa1896

My bro and SIL are about 21 weeks pregnant with their first and just found out their little girl may have a fatal brain abnormality- a critical part of her brain appears to be missing. They can't get in for an MRI until next week. So in the meantime, they imagine the worst. Ugh ugh ugh. :-(

Cfvonfam

I hope it's nothing @Teresa1896‌ and that their little girl is healthy. Sending thoughts to your brother and your SIL. I can't imagine having to wait until next week to find out what's going on with my baby - must be awful for them

smushi

@teresa1896 I'm so sorry, sending prayers!

CalinAZ

JessieAlbin said:

Had the interview today for that contest. One of the judges was a friend of mine's dad and she called me after to tell me how well I did! Big compliment!

Yay!! How nice to get the positive feedback. Way to go!

Jessimax

@ambarnett1‌ I flew at 8 months pregnant with a 3 year old, no f'ing way I would've done that without DH.

Teresa1896

They've had 2 ultrasounds already and haven't seen what they're looking for. The doc said there's about a 20% chance everything is fine. Not great odds.

juniper75

Teresa1896 said:

They've had 2 ultrasounds already and haven't seen what they're looking for. The doc said there's about a 20% chance everything is fine. Not great odds.

I can't even imagine how they are feeling right now. Hugs to you and your family.

littlesocks

@Teresa1896‌ I'm sending your family lots of good thoughts and prayers. I had a scare at our 20 week ultrasound and I wouldn't wish that horrible feeling on anyone. I'm sorry your family is going through this

Teresa1896

Thanks for the T&Ps ladies. I can't talk to anyone about this IRL since they haven't told anyone except us. I'll update everyone next week!

CalinAZ

Teresa1896 I am so, so sorry to hear that. Sending many positive thoughts that the tech is wrong and they are able to get in as soon as possible

@ambarnett1 I would definitely not go. It doesn't sound like that part of the family is very invested in you, and it's a huge imposition for you to be traveling solo pregnant and with a little one. If you were visiting loved ones who were important to you it would be different, but it doesn't seem like they are at all invested in your life. 

JessieAlbin

Heart wrenching. All the good vibes to them for a healthy baby!! Gah, what a terrible thing to be in suspense over. Not fair.

emilyann64

I'm so sorry. I hope they get good news from the MRI.

janellemj928

@Teresa1896‌ many prayers for them for only good news at the appointment.

Shelbysteffens

smushi said:

HOLY FUCKBALLS.

I was putting pants and jeans into the washer, and I grabbed one of DH's jeans off the floor and threw into the washing machine.  He'd recently worn them for yard work.  I saw a white spot on them, and it looked like foam.  Upon closer inspection (face 6 inches away from pant leg), I realized it was a web/sack.  Upon even closer inspection (face 2 inches away from pant leg), I realized there was a spider the size of a quarter guarding the white web/sack.

I. just. can't.  I haven't screamed that loudly since the brown recluse jumped out of the potty at me.

Holy shit. [-X

Shelbysteffens

@Teresa1896‌ prayers for your family, that's awful news. I so hope that they are that 20%.

edoliesmom

First attempt at overnight in the PNP. :-SS