UO...

lollipoppoop

TheSloppySwish said:

 

tarashea721 said:

TheSloppySwish said:

My UO is that I really hope my daughter doesn't want to participate in cheerleading, dance teams or anything similiar. I think those activites are a waste of time that perpetuate poor ideals to young girls.

Why?

Yeah, why? Dance had the largest positive impact on my life of any activity I participated in. I learned discipline, hard work, team work, balance in my life. Etc. Strange standpoint, IMO.

I get that, but there are other ways to learn these values.

Cheerleading and dance put a lot of emphasis on physical appearance, body imagine, gender stereotypes, etc. I'm always uncomfortable when I see pics of young girls on these teams spackled in makeup and FB posts about dance team moms who stayed up all night sewing sequins on their costumes. I don't get it.

Not to say I'd forbid my daughter if she really wanted to do it, but it would make me wary.

You might not want to let her watch tv or go to public school then.  I think we all know as girls/women whatever that life in general puts a huge emphasis on physical appearance and body types. 

nofcksgiven

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

Meggie0421 said:

I agree with your DH about the sex talk...except they are teaching it in some schools at very young ages. and that is because 10-12 yr olds are sleeping around etc.

Something about the phrase "10-12 yr olds are sleeping around etc." greatly rubs me the wrong way. *ETA- typo

Why? 


I think it's because they're 10, 11, 12 years old. They are children. Very young children.

The saying "sleeping around" is usually used in a negative way.
Generally, in a judgmental way.

It just came off (to me) as very high and mighty. Like these 10-12 year olds are being slutty.

onewayticket

gwinnygirl said:

frankierokx said:

gwinnygirl said:

NYMama1 said:

I guess my UO is while it will be wonderful if DS1 and DS2 are extremely successful in life and involved in activities, etc., the only thing I really worry about is that one of my children ends up as a drug addict and/or criminal. 

This is one of my biggest fears - it's heightened for me because of H having been involved with the Juvenile Justice System for so long.

I also worry about my children becoming teen parents. I would be very disappointed if this happened. It would just make life much harder for them. I'm always asking H how we should address safe sex with them, he's like "Calm down. We have a few years before we need to go into all that."

I was in Primary School when I was first showed the Sex Education Video so I was about 6/7.

I had my first period when I was 8 so I'm glad I knew what it was all about. 

But when is teaching about safe sex too young? Me and DH are split on this topic.

The $1,000,000 question, Frankie. People in the US are very, very divided on this - as well as who should be teaching it.

or in some places in the US, whether sex ed should even be taught at all!

frankierokx

onewayticket said:

gwinnygirl said:

frankierokx said:

gwinnygirl said:

NYMama1 said:

I guess my UO is while it will be wonderful if DS1 and DS2 are extremely successful in life and involved in activities, etc., the only thing I really worry about is that one of my children ends up as a drug addict and/or criminal. 

This is one of my biggest fears - it's heightened for me because of H having been involved with the Juvenile Justice System for so long.

I also worry about my children becoming teen parents. I would be very disappointed if this happened. It would just make life much harder for them. I'm always asking H how we should address safe sex with them, he's like "Calm down. We have a few years before we need to go into all that."

I was in Primary School when I was first showed the Sex Education Video so I was about 6/7.

I had my first period when I was 8 so I'm glad I knew what it was all about. 

But when is teaching about safe sex too young? Me and DH are split on this topic.

The $1,000,000 question, Frankie. People in the US are very, very divided on this - as well as who should be teaching it.

or in some places in the US, whether sex ed should even be taught at all!

You are kidding me?

MamaHanna

2010weddinggal said:

I think if homeless people set up in a spot that does not bug anyone they should be allowed to stay. I really dislike when officials go through places and kick homeless people out, they do not even help them most are vets with PTSD, drug and alcohol problems. It is all we do not care where you go but you can not be here. I wish I could win the lottery cause I would build huge dormitory style homes for the homeless. I know a few around my neighborhood that are weet, and good just down on their luck so I make it a point to spare change or give food. I feel guilty sometimes having a home, and food and people to love me..... Ugh

Ok I am going to make this sound as non heartless as possible. Allowing homeless people to stay on the street is REALLY bad for them. My older brother was homeless for a while. He had a very bad drug addiction issue and ran away after we tried to force him to get help. When he was on the streets he was beaten up, robed and even raped. When the cops would come by and kick him out of places on the street he would be forced to go to a shelter where he was at least safe. If they were full they would have him go to a church or a rec center. Sure it was not comfortable but at least it was dry and warm. This constant being bothered is what fourced him to realize that he had hit bottom and he got help and has been clean for 5 years now. Yeah some people are worse off than others but if you make it ok for them to be on the streets they have no motivation to get off of them.

wmarley

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

gwinnygirl said:

Oh I am fully in support of sex ed in public schools, and yes, kids are having sexual encounters soooo young. I just want to make sure there is an open & honest environment in our house where our children feel like they can come to us if they have questions or (hopefully!) when they're older & need contraceptives. My house growing up was not like that. It's not that my parents were against premarital sex or education, it was just never talked about.

I'm not saying it shouldn't be discussed.  I'm just saddened that it is having to be discussed at such young ages.    We all say babies shouldn't be having babies.  Well, IMO, babies shouldn't be having sex either.  I am a big proponent of sex being an adult thing to do.  therefore, when you are adult enough to handle the consequences of sex, either STD or pregnancy, you are in a position to have sex.  Until then, keep your clothes on.

I completely agree. My little sister is 16 and has gone through all the sex-ed and understands contraception, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to encourage her to wait to have sex! My cousins tell her that it's fine if she wants to have sex just make sure to use contraception. Well I think it's not fine for her to have sex! She's 16! I think of how immature I was at that age and know there is no sex I could have had at that age that I wouldn't have regretted. I'm also trying to explain to her that you don't need to have sex with boys to get them to like you. What's wrong with teaching about contraception and using condoms but ALSO teaching abstinence?

RanFan28

TXmamatobe said:

I’m really late to this party but I don’t like when people dress all of
their kids in matching clothes.  I can
see the same color schemes, some sort of theme for a picture but for normal,
everyday clothing, I can’t stand matchy matchy. 
A boring UO but I had to get it out. 

 I also can’t stand when people put bows on their daughters that are
bigger than their heads…

I know you're an Aggie and I'm a Red Raider, but besides that I pretty much agree with everything you say. Can we still be friends? Hah!

notkateanymore

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom.

MamaHanna

@TheSloppySwish said:

My UO is that I really hope my daughter doesn't want to participate in cheerleading, dance teams or anything similiar. I think those activites are a waste of time that perpetuate poor ideals to young girls.

I don't get that at all. Being on a dance team -- all the way through college, I should add -- taught me teamwork, discipline, coordination, was great exercise, I could go on and on. I loved it. It's one thing for a mother to force her daughter to do it because she thinks it's the "right"' activity for her to do, but if your kid is genuinely into it, why would it bother you?

** Damn quote box wont go away!-

Anyway. I was begging my mom to let me dance when I was 2 and I had to wait untill I was 3 to go. I loved it and felt no pressure to do it. I got to meet great girls, get a good work out, do something creative and have fun! I was also in soccer, baseball and basket ball. I think that the misconception is dane/cheer=forced girlyness.

TheSloppySwish

CitrusXoXo said:

TheSloppySwish said:

 

tarashea721 said:

TheSloppySwish said:

My UO is that I really hope my daughter doesn't want to participate in cheerleading, dance teams or anything similiar. I think those activites are a waste of time that perpetuate poor ideals to young girls.

Why?

Yeah, why? Dance had the largest positive impact on my life of any activity I participated in. I learned discipline, hard work, team work, balance in my life. Etc. Strange standpoint, IMO.

I get that, but there are other ways to learn these values.

Cheerleading and dance put a lot of emphasis on physical appearance, body imagine, gender stereotypes, etc. I'm always uncomfortable when I see pics of young girls on these teams spackled in makeup and FB posts about dance team moms who stayed up all night sewing sequins on their costumes. I don't get it.

Not to say I'd forbid my daughter if she really wanted to do it, but it would make me wary.

You might not want to let her watch tv or go to public school then.  I think we all know as girls/women whatever that life in general puts a huge emphasis on physical appearance and body types. 

Not at all the same as actively participating in something that teaches girls they're supposed to look a certain way as part of said extra curicular activity.

@Ktrue85, I should clarify that I definitely didn't mean all team sports/activities.

@tarashea721, you're right, there are a lot of different kinds of dance. I also didn't mean to include all dance forms in my UO.

I take issue with any activity that teaches girls part of being good at that thing is to look pretty/sexy/have certain hair, makeup, outfits, etc. As @Citrusxoxo points out above, girls are bombarded with that message all day, every day and I'll be spending plenty of time and energy teaching my kid that her value and self-worth are NOT based on those things. I don't want to encourage her to participate in activities that activiely perpetuate the opposite.

TheSloppySwish

KateMW said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom.

Good one.

nofcksgiven

KateMW said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion.

Boom.

I'm in 100% agreement.

lilybeth12

Loolaide said:

KFED103 said:

@loolaide, I know there are always exceptions for certain family circumstances, but some just seem to want to shut family out for no good reason. That was all I was saying.

I get it with the caveat.  I know that I don't share a ton about my family here, so I try to give others the benefit of the doubt when they say they don't want family there but haven't given a reason.

Some people probably are just bitches though.  I mean, it's not always the family that's selfish and manipulative.

I dont think it's selfish that i dont want the world to stop and wait with baited breath for my kid to arrive.  My ILs (who are the only ones local) both have jobs, and lives, and will definitely come visit as soon as possible.  but i dont think they are supporting me any less by NOT sitting in an uncomfortable waiting room for hours on end.

notkateanymore

Cashingn2 said:

KateMW said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom.

I wouldn't force it, but yeah it would be the first option I mentioned & let her know that I fully support that decision. And I would let her know it is probably in her best interest in the long run to terminate.

This is how I feel. I hope to educate my daughter before it happens. I don't want her to be afraid to ask for birth control. In the even that it happened, abortion would be an option.

I know you weren't replying to me not teaching DD, etc. but I plan to teach her, put her on bc, etc. so this shouldn't happen. But if it does...

utlawgirl

frankierokx said:

gwinnygirl said:

frankierokx said:

gwinnygirl said:

NYMama1 said:

I guess my UO is while it will be wonderful if DS1 and DS2 are extremely successful in life and involved in activities, etc., the only thing I really worry about is that one of my children ends up as a drug addict and/or criminal. 

This is one of my biggest fears - it's heightened for me because of H having been involved with the Juvenile Justice System for so long.

I also worry about my children becoming teen parents. I would be very disappointed if this happened. It would just make life much harder for them. I'm always asking H how we should address safe sex with them, he's like "Calm down. We have a few years before we need to go into all that."

I was in Primary School when I was first showed the Sex Education Video so I was about 6/7.

I had my first period when I was 8 so I'm glad I knew what it was all about. 

But when is teaching about safe sex too young? Me and DH are split on this topic.

The $1,000,000 question, Frankie. People in the US are very, very divided on this - as well as who should be teaching it.

Ah so it's not just us then. I say the younger the better, as well as using the words penis and vagina. It's not that long ago that a read about a young girl that used the word peach for her vagina and her babysitter did not understand that her uncle was touching her peach. 

I feel it is both up to the parents to teach it first and the teachers to reinforce it. I was educated about it in school, but I wish my parents would of told me first.

I agree with "the earlier the better" attitude. My 2 1/2 year old knows what a vulva is, and a penis. Not that she knows about sex, but those questions will come. I'm all about teaching about sex in an age-appropriate way. I think knowledge is power.

When she is old enough and feels ready for sex, I hope I will have equipped her to make responsible decisions -- both about the decision to have sex, and about how to protect herself from negative consequences.

KFED103

gwinnygirl said:

: Now I'm in a thought-spiral of what to do if my son knocks a girl up. Ughhhhh.

I've had this thought before and it makes me break out in hives. (((Shutter))))

blainethetrain

KFED103 said:

gwinnygirl said:

: Now I'm in a thought-spiral of what to do if my son knocks a girl up. Ughhhhh.

I've had this thought before and it makes me break out in hives. (((Shutter))))

RISUG, guys.

notkateanymore

KFED103 said:

: Now I'm in a thought-spiral of what to do if my son knocks a girl up. Ughhhhh.

I've had this thought before and it makes me break out in hives. (((Shutter))))

Another hope for male birth control besides condoms.

frankierokx

hckygrl909 said:

: Now I'm in a thought-spiral of what to do if my son knocks a girl up. Ughhhhh.

I've had this thought before and it makes me break out in hives. (((Shutter))))

RISUG, guys.

Is that the male injection?

onewayticket

KateMW said:

Cashingn2 said:

KateMW said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom.

I wouldn't force it, but yeah it would be the first option I mentioned & let her know that I fully support that decision. And I would let her know it is probably in her best interest in the long run to terminate.

This is how I feel. I hope to educate my daughter before it happens. I don't want her to be afraid to ask for birth control. In the even that it happened, abortion would be an option.

I know you weren't replying to me not teaching DD, etc. but I plan to teach her, put her on bc, etc. so this shouldn't happen. But if it does...

Yes, agreed. I am going to bring up birth control pretty early on if I ever have a daughter. DH actually wants me to talk to his little sister who is 14 just to make sure she asks her doctor about BC-- not sure if I want to do that, seems like a job for their mother.

I've also been thinking a lot about how to deal with this issue with boys. I feel like 'always wear a condom" is not enough. I think it is also important to talk to his partners about what they would do if they were to get pregnant.

ETA: I think HE should talk to his partners.. not ME. Just clarifying.

blainethetrain

frankierokx said:

hckygrl909 said:

KFED103 said:

gwinnygirl said:

: Now I'm in a thought-spiral of what to do if my son knocks a girl up. Ughhhhh.

I've had this thought before and it makes me break out in hives. (((Shutter))))

RISUG, guys.

Is that the male injection?

Yeah. Reversible male sterilization injection. Scienterrific!

Sigir

@KateMW I agree as a mom to two girls! But if it's not too late to join in, I've got what probably is an even more UO than that...

I feel that it's selfish not to get prenatal testing, using the excuse "I'd never abort no matter what". IMO that is lazy parenting, because I feel that my job as a parent is to do what is best for my child. W some diagnoses, a child will be born only to die very shortly and in pain. I feel it's responsible parenting to find out what you can for your child in advance, and I'd yor child is diagnosed w one of those diseases, it's good parenting to interrupt the pregnancy in order to spare the child that pain.

I think moms to be who refuse all testing based on the risk of anxiety from increases odds for disorders are "sticking their heads in the sand" and not doing the best thing for their child. It's naive, bad parenting IMO. The only slightly acceptable excuse for refusing all parenting IMO would be from a highly religious and highly pro life person. Even then I side eye it, but I can see their point. But those whose only excuse is avoiding anxiety? I judge them heavily.

mavgirl_73

Having two girls with our third just around the bend I have to agree with other posters and say abortion would be my first choice if we have to deal with teenage pregnancy. Having said that I hope with my sincerest self that we can teach them that contraception is their friend, cause honestly pregnancy, ya it's hard but Herpes, that's the gift that keeps on giving!

As for the boys who may or may not be contributors I will be quite honest with my girls, just as they have a right to choose whether or not they have sex and whether or not they keep the baby so does the male. I do not think that men *have* to "step up" and take responsibility for children they create. Sorry ladies but they don't. Now that being said if they don't want responsibility then they also shouldn't have parental rights. The decision has to be two sided and both parties need to understand that their decisions have consequences. Perhaps this is harsh but why the fluck not? It is after all UO Thursday.

TheSloppySwish

KateMW said:

Cashingn2 said:

KateMW said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom.

I wouldn't force it, but yeah it would be the first option I mentioned & let her know that I fully support that decision. And I would let her know it is probably in her best interest in the long run to terminate.

This is how I feel. I hope to educate my daughter before it happens. I don't want her to be afraid to ask for birth control. In the even that it happened, abortion would be an option.

I know you weren't replying to me not teaching DD, etc. but I plan to teach her, put her on bc, etc. so this shouldn't happen. But if it does...

This for sure. Around 16 I'll start asking if she wants me to take her to the GYN. I'm hoping to God there's no reason to do anything sooner, other than talk and educate.

lollipoppoop

TheSloppySwish said:

KateMW said:

Cashingn2 said:

KateMW said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom.

I wouldn't force it, but yeah it would be the first option I mentioned & let her know that I fully support that decision. And I would let her know it is probably in her best interest in the long run to terminate.

This is how I feel. I hope to educate my daughter before it happens. I don't want her to be afraid to ask for birth control. In the even that it happened, abortion would be an option.

I know you weren't replying to me not teaching DD, etc. but I plan to teach her, put her on bc, etc. so this shouldn't happen. But if it does...

This for sure. Around 16 I'll start asking if she wants me to take her to the GYN. I'm hoping to God there's no reason to do anything sooner, other than talk and educate.

I am not asking her I am just going to take her to the OBYN lol

notkateanymore

JaxxM said:

Loolaide said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

no im not saying that being a teen mom wouldnt have a huge impact.  I would just inform her of all the options available and support whatever decision she decided to make, i wouldnt try and talk her into anything or lean to one side.  I would let her make it on her own.

Yeah, at that point, obviously her decision making skills are questionable at best. She could choose abortion or adoption. 

notkateanymore

mrsashleyk said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

I think she means all three options will have a huge impact on a teen mom's life. It's not like she'd just have an abortion, boom problem solved, and back to normal teenage life. It's fine to let it be known its an option (and probably the best option) like you said, but Kate didn't make it out that way. She said it like she would tell her daughter that's the ONLY option and she wouldn't support any other decision. At least that's how I read it.

Well, there is no option where she has a baby as a teenager and raises it. Abortion or adoption. She can pick.

hnharden

MamaHanna said:

2010weddinggal said:

I think if homeless people set up in a spot that does not bug anyone they should be allowed to stay. I really dislike when officials go through places and kick homeless people out, they do not even help them most are vets with PTSD, drug and alcohol problems. It is all we do not care where you go but you can not be here. I wish I could win the lottery cause I would build huge dormitory style homes for the homeless. I know a few around my neighborhood that are weet, and good just down on their luck so I make it a point to spare change or give food. I feel guilty sometimes having a home, and food and people to love me..... Ugh

Ok I am going to make this sound as non heartless as possible. Allowing homeless people to stay on the street is REALLY bad for them. My older brother was homeless for a while. He had a very bad drug addiction issue and ran away after we tried to force him to get help. When he was on the streets he was beaten up, robed and even raped. When the cops would come by and kick him out of places on the street he would be forced to go to a shelter where he was at least safe. If they were full they would have him go to a church or a rec center. Sure it was not comfortable but at least it was dry and warm. This constant being bothered is what fourced him to realize that he had hit bottom and he got help and has been clean for 5 years now. Yeah some people are worse off than others but if you make it ok for them to be on the streets they have no motivation to get off of them.

Completely agree! In in my area, as I suppose many other areas there's  a certain street where prostitution occurs,homelessness, drug abusers, etc. Well the cops know what's going on and refuse to do anything about it. They literally caught a girl and older man IN THE WOODS (I know the girl, shes a drug addict and homeless...) and let them go. I've always said that you can't help change someone if they aren't ready  to change... but that right there gives them a reason to not want to change... they can get away with it, so why not. I also do agree with you saying some are worse off than others because one of my exs is severely into drugs and has no place to go, so jail was always like a party to her. So in some cases, it doesn't help. But there are plenty of cases where it does. 

notkateanymore

JaxxM said:

KateMW said:

mrsashleyk said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

I think she means all three options will have a huge impact on a teen mom's life. It's not like she'd just have an abortion, boom problem solved, and back to normal teenage life. It's fine to let it be known its an option (and probably the best option) like you said, but Kate didn't make it out that way. She said it like she would tell her daughter that's the ONLY option and she wouldn't support any other decision. At least that's how I read it.

Well, there is no option where she has a baby as a teenager and raises it. Abortion or adoption. She can pick.

and thankfully you cant force her into either of those in the US.

LOL Ok.

esf60

My husband recently told me that one of his greatest fears about having a daughter is that she be promiscuous and sexually active very early on. Today he told me that if she starts dressing inappropriately, this is going to be his strategy: https://gawker.com/dad-wears-short-shorts-to-shame-daughter-into-wearing-m-1300141592

#1 dad!

notkateanymore

Cashingn2 said:

esf60 said:

My husband recently told me that one of his greatest fears about having a daughter is that she be promiscuous and sexually active very early on. Today he told me that if she starts dressing inappropriately, this is going to be his strategy: https://gawker.com/dad-wears-short-shorts-to-shame-daughter-into-wearing-m-1300141592

#1 dad!

My shorts had to go below my fingertips. I keep seeing girls on campus that look like they're wearing panties (ass cheeks hanging out). I don't know how anyone is comfortable going outside like that.

Or sitting like that! LOL

Sigir

Sunshine5788 said:

Sigir said:

@KateMW I agree as a mom to two girls! But if it's not too late to join in, I've got what probably is an even more UO than that...

I feel that it's selfish not to get prenatal testing, using the excuse "I'd never abort no matter what". IMO that is lazy parenting, because I feel that my job as a parent is to do what is best for my child. W some diagnoses, a child will be born only to die very shortly and in pain. I feel it's responsible parenting to find out what you can for your child in advance, and I'd yor child is diagnosed w one of those diseases, it's good parenting to interrupt the pregnancy in order to spare the child that pain.

I think moms to be who refuse all testing based on the risk of anxiety from increases odds for disorders are "sticking their heads in the sand" and not doing the best thing for their child. It's naive, bad parenting IMO. The only slightly acceptable excuse for refusing all parenting IMO would be from a highly religious and highly pro life person. Even then I side eye it, but I can see their point. But those whose only excuse is avoiding anxiety? I judge them heavily.

I have to completely disagree with you here. Personally myself and my H decided together not to get any of the genetic testing/screens done with this pregnancy. We had heard so many stories of people who got positive results and then their babies were born just fine. 

It took us a very long time to get pregnant and both of us see this child as a gift from God. There is no way we would have chose to abort the child, even if she screened positive for a birth defect. BTW we did have a small scare at our A/S, but looks like all is good. Personally I see it as we were blessed with this child, it is not my place to decide if she lives or dies.

Ok, it took you a long time to get pregnant and of course you cherish that child. But isnt it still your job as a parent to protect your child from pain and sometimes make tough choices in their best interest? And to choose ignorance when it might fly in the best interest of your child... Just seems wrong.

lilybeth12

nicholssquared said:

Meggie0421 said:

I don't care if you don't use birth control, but I do care when the largest church in the world tells it's followers that using birth control is a sin. I care when I see Catholic organizations standing outside of Planned Parenthood with pictures of aborted babies with a caption of "murder" or something along those lines. The Church helps set women's rights back 50 years. They condemn homosexuality- unless it involves them and underage children- then they just sweep it under the rug. I was confirmed Catholic and there are some fabulous things about Catholicism. When it comes to not judging, they don't quite make the cut.

I understand how you must feel that the Church is attacking you and attacking women's rights. But that's not the way I see it. Our doctrine clearly indicates to us that I we should never attack anyone or any group of people, only actions that are unjust.

I had premarital sex. I knew it was wrong according to my faith. When I spoke to my priest, I was informed that it was wrong, but that God still loved me as a person, with the capacity to do great good. Similarly, the Church teaches that using BC and having an abortion is wrong, but not that the women who do those things are terrible sinners that are inherently evil and beyond loving. I think when the Church doesn't make it clear that while the oppose the actions, the people who choose to do those things are still inherently good, it misrepresents itself and hurts its image greatly.

I think the comment about the sex abuse scandal is untrue and unnecessary. The Church clearly teaches that sex outside of marriage is wrong in any situation and it absolutely was not swept under the rug within the Church. There were sweeping inquiries and investigations, awareness campaigns and education and hierarchical reform that took place within our organization, they just weren't publicized at all, especially compared to the abuse itself. And the people who were involved in what supposed "cover ups" that took place were certainly not praised by the Church, they were reprimanded severely.

WHAAAAAAT?!  if it wasnt swept under the rug, i.e. moving problem priests around instead of disciplining them, then why have so many diocese had to file for bankruptcy after 100s of judgement against them.  I live in Boston, and I can tell you that NO ONE did anything until forced.

kittyh8r

KateMW said:

JaxxM said:

Loolaide said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

no im not saying that being a teen mom wouldnt have a huge impact.  I would just inform her of all the options available and support whatever decision she decided to make, i wouldnt try and talk her into anything or lean to one side.  I would let her make it on her own.

Yeah, at that point, obviously her decision making skills are questionable at best. She could choose abortion or adoption. 

The problem with basically making this decision for your daughter, is that someday(or right away) she could regret it, and that could destroy your relationship and cause more issues. I am not saying that you shouldn't put it on the table as an option, I just think when you "all but force" an abortion, you're asking for more trouble than anything. 

I had a friend in 8th grade who was raped. It was terrible. She got pregnant and her dad basically forced her into an abortion, told her that she wasn't going to live with them and have a baby. She had no other choice, because it's not like there was a father of the baby to fall back on. She failed 8th grade and never returned. Drugs and jail is all her future has seen since then. 

Obviously, I don't think this would be your situation exactly, but I would be very wary of "all but forcing" an abortion. 

notkateanymore

EmmaBoBemma said:

KateMW said:

JaxxM said:

Loolaide said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

no im not saying that being a teen mom wouldnt have a huge impact.  I would just inform her of all the options available and support whatever decision she decided to make, i wouldnt try and talk her into anything or lean to one side.  I would let her make it on her own.

Yeah, at that point, obviously her decision making skills are questionable at best. She could choose abortion or adoption. 

The problem with basically making this decision for your daughter, is that someday(or right away) she could regret it, and that could destroy your relationship and cause more issues. I am not saying that you shouldn't put it on the table as an option, I just think when you "all but force" an abortion, you're asking for more trouble than anything. 

I had a friend in 8th grade who was raped. It was terrible. She got pregnant and her dad basically forced her into an abortion, told her that she wasn't going to live with them and have a baby. She had no other choice, because it's not like there was a father of the baby to fall back on. She failed 8th grade and never returned. Drugs and jail is all her future has seen since then. 

Obviously, I don't think this would be your situation exactly, but I would be very wary of "all but forcing" an abortion. 

Well, I was also raped and my mother all but forced me to have an abortion and I thank her every day. Best decision I ever made.

kittyh8r

KateMW said:

mrsashleyk said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

I think she means all three options will have a huge impact on a teen mom's life. It's not like she'd just have an abortion, boom problem solved, and back to normal teenage life. It's fine to let it be known its an option (and probably the best option) like you said, but Kate didn't make it out that way. She said it like she would tell her daughter that's the ONLY option and she wouldn't support any other decision. At least that's how I read it.

Well, there is no option where she has a baby as a teenager and raises it. Abortion or adoption. She can pick.

Yikes. Kate, I usually like you, but I cannot get behind this. Let's hope this never happens, because making the decision for her, that she won't be raising a baby, could come back and blow up in your face. 

I guess my UO would be that if Emma ever got pregnant as a teenager, I wouldn't bring up abortion. We're pro-life and it's not an option for me, so I wouldn't bring it up. If she brought it up, I would let her make the choice, but she wouldn't get the idea from me.

natleilynn

Sigir said:

@KateMW I agree as a mom to two girls! But if it's not too late to join in, I've got what probably is an even more UO than that... I feel that it's selfish not to get prenatal testing, using the excuse "I'd never abort no matter what". IMO that is lazy parenting, because I feel that my job as a parent is to do what is best for my child. W some diagnoses, a child will be born only to die very shortly and in pain. I feel it's responsible parenting to find out what you can for your child in advance, and I'd yor child is diagnosed w one of those diseases, it's good parenting to interrupt the pregnancy in order to spare the child that pain. I think moms to be who refuse all testing based on the risk of anxiety from increases odds for disorders are "sticking their heads in the sand" and not doing the best thing for their child. It's naive, bad parenting IMO. The only slightly acceptable excuse for refusing all parenting IMO would be from a highly religious and highly pro life person. Even then I side eye it, but I can see their point. But those whose only excuse is avoiding anxiety? I judge them heavily.

Side eye and judge me all you want. To DH and I, it honestly didn't matter. It's not that I "don't" believe in abortion (although DH vehemently does not believe in it), but prenatal testing is just not something that I feel like is important. My doctors didn't push the issue, so I must not be the only one out there. Nobody else has to agree with that choice. I don't think it's "selfish" to not choose science. There are plenty of times when the testing has come back with abnormalities - sometimes even with the doctor encouraging abortion - only to have the baby born months later, completely fine. This happens, it's not a fairy tale. I appreciate medical advances, but it's not foolproof. To call me selfish for not trusting it 100% is unfair. I'm not sticking my head in the sand or pretending like nothing bad could happen. I am fully aware that we could have a child with special needs or even one who has a shortened lifespan. We will deal with that when/if the time comes. 

To me, it was an example of pro-choice. My choice is to have the baby, regardless. If they have a shortened life, they will pass away knowing complete love and I won't have to feel guilt for the rest of my life wondering if I did the right thing. I feel guilt from my miscarriage, which wasn't my fault - I wonder constantly if there was something I could have done to prevent it. 

I'm pretty sure this is the first time in my time on this board that I've actually been pretty fired up about something. I think the "selfish" thing is what hit a nerve. That's just...wow.

ETA: I want to clarify one thing. I'm not against abortions. I don't necessarily think they should be used as a method of birth control, but I am completely in support of them for those where the mother/baby's life is in danger/rape/incest/etc. And I'm even in support of those who do prenatal testing and find that their baby might not be compatible with life and have an abortion. I'm just saying, I do not judge people for having prenatal testing and aborting the baby, so I would appreciate not being judged for personally choosing to not have prenatal testing and having the baby.

That's spoken as a "I try to be a non-judgy Christian" girl. 

jy725

Sigir said:

@KateMW I agree as a mom to two girls! But if it's not too late to join in, I've got what probably is an even more UO than that... I feel that it's selfish not to get prenatal testing, using the excuse "I'd never abort no matter what". IMO that is lazy parenting, because I feel that my job as a parent is to do what is best for my child. W some diagnoses, a child will be born only to die very shortly and in pain. I feel it's responsible parenting to find out what you can for your child in advance, and I'd yor child is diagnosed w one of those diseases, it's good parenting to interrupt the pregnancy in order to spare the child that pain. I think moms to be who refuse all testing based on the risk of anxiety from increases odds for disorders are "sticking their heads in the sand" and not doing the best thing for their child. It's naive, bad parenting IMO. The only slightly acceptable excuse for refusing all parenting IMO would be from a highly religious and highly pro life person. Even then I side eye it, but I can see their point. But those whose only excuse is avoiding anxiety? I judge them heavily.

I'm jumping in late here but I couldn't agree with you more. My friend is due one month before me and she did not want to do any testing because she didn't want to have to worry about a problem.

kittyh8r

KateMW said:

EmmaBoBemma said:

KateMW said:

JaxxM said:

Loolaide said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

no im not saying that being a teen mom wouldnt have a huge impact.  I would just inform her of all the options available and support whatever decision she decided to make, i wouldnt try and talk her into anything or lean to one side.  I would let her make it on her own.

Yeah, at that point, obviously her decision making skills are questionable at best. She could choose abortion or adoption. 

The problem with basically making this decision for your daughter, is that someday(or right away) she could regret it, and that could destroy your relationship and cause more issues. I am not saying that you shouldn't put it on the table as an option, I just think when you "all but force" an abortion, you're asking for more trouble than anything. 

I had a friend in 8th grade who was raped. It was terrible. She got pregnant and her dad basically forced her into an abortion, told her that she wasn't going to live with them and have a baby. She had no other choice, because it's not like there was a father of the baby to fall back on. She failed 8th grade and never returned. Drugs and jail is all her future has seen since then. 

Obviously, I don't think this would be your situation exactly, but I would be very wary of "all but forcing" an abortion. 

Well, I was also raped and my mother all but forced me to have an abortion and I thank her every day. Best decision I ever made.

Gah. I am so sorry that, that happened to you. Like Jaxx said, it sounds like it was something you already wanted to do. I am happy that you are happy with that decision, but that's not the case for a lot of young women who make that decision. There is often regret and guilt, and if a parent forced them into that decision, there is usually a lot of bitterness towards the parents. 

kittyh8r

JaxxM said:

KateMW said:

mrsashleyk said:

JaxxM said:

I've got what I believe will be an UO...if my daughter got pregnant in high school, I would all but force her to have an abortion. Boom

No way. Would never force that kind of decision upon someone.  I would never force adoption, or anything of the sort. I would support my daughter in whatever decision she decided to make, but i would let it be known that i am NOT going to support her child financially if she did decide to keep it - she would have to figure that out on her own.  

Those two options abortion and adoption could extremely impact her life and personality ESPECIALLY if forced to do so.  I should know i am a birthmother/firstmother.

Forcing someone to make a decision like that is coercion which is wrong on so many levels.

I

It seems like you're saying that being a teen mom wouldn't have a huge impact on her life.

And you can't literally force a girl to have an abortion.  I would just be on the side of more info and saying that's a very valid decision with a hypothetical daughter.  I'd also probably keep a plan b pill in the house just in case.

I think she means all three options will have a huge impact on a teen mom's life. It's not like she'd just have an abortion, boom problem solved, and back to normal teenage life. It's fine to let it be known its an option (and probably the best option) like you said, but Kate didn't make it out that way. She said it like she would tell her daughter that's the ONLY option and she wouldn't support any other decision. At least that's how I read it.

Well, there is no option where she has a baby as a teenager and raises it. Abortion or adoption. She can pick.

Yikes. Kate, I usually like you, but I cannot get behind this. Let's hope this never happens, because making the decision for her, that she won't be raising a baby, could come back and blow up in your face. 

I guess my UO would be that if Emma ever got pregnant as a teenager, I wouldn't bring up abortion. We're pro-life and it's not an option for me, so I wouldn't bring it up. If she brought it up, I would let her make the choice, but she wouldn't get the idea from me.

I personally am pro life but I would let daughter make her own mind up on pro life or pro choice

Same here. I don't know if I worded my response so that was understood or not, but I am pro-life and Emma will know that, but she has all the right in the world to make that decision between pro-life and pro-choice.