I don't think I understand the reasoning for doing that. If I'm going to post potentially embarrassing or medically relevant information, I prefer the anonymity of my one-off username and lack of profile photo. I would prefer it not be associated with my Facebook profile, private group or not. And I'm still not posting personal info or photos, nor am I answering PMs, especially if they're skeevy.
My last BMB moved to a private group around 5 months pregnant (January for May due dates). We loved to Facebook in March. I’m one of the admins for my May BMB. It’s a really small group, only 47 of us, and I really like it. We went through a huge vetting process going to the private group and again when going to Facebook.
TTC History
Me: 26 DH: 27
TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019
TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021
It's so much easier for me to keep up with a FB group than it is with TB. I definitely don't participate as much here as I wish I could since I'm mostly on mobile and the app is such a pain.
What is the etiquette on requiring people to be vaccinated to come to an event you're hosting? My mom wants to have a small sprinkle for this baby at the end of July and pretty much everyone on our short list is already vaccinated. I have 1 aunt who most likely is not, but it would be awkward to just not invite her but invite another aunt from the same area and side of the family. It also seems weird to ask if she is planning to get vaccinated before then. I told my mom I'd prefer everyone be vaccinated and she thinks that's too complicated and would rather do nothing for the sprinkle than require vaccines. UGH I hate Covid.
@grangerhp37, it might be awkward, but it's totally fair and valid to require people be vaccinated to come to your sprinkle. If that's your preference, I say go for it. Actions have consequences: if your aunt chooses not to get vaccinated, she might have to miss out on fun stuff. Honestly I think if more people took the hard stance of "only vaccinated adults are invited" it might be more incentive for those who are on the fence to get vaccinated.
@chindimples04, my last BMB also had a pretty strict vetting process before going to a private group and eventually Facebook.
On my DD's BMB, I found it so uncomfortable when a bunch of random people came out of the woodwork and wanted to join when it was time to move to private group/Facebook. There were a couple posters who only ever posted in the HDBD thread, or maaaaybe posted once or twice on the weekly thread with their own updates only. They literally never interacted with another poster on TB, and only ever posted their own information. Never offered support, never answered or asked a question. But then wanted to join in on the private Facebook group. Like.... why? It makes no sense to me.
@galentine we went with a system where if we didn’t recognize the username we put it out to the group. If enough people (I think it was half) recognized the username and felt strongly about adding them, then we did. Sounds catty but we really wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable with who was being added to the group. I think we had 55ish in the private group and it dropped a few when we transitioned to Facebook and we lost a few in the Facebook group due to inactivity.
@grangerhp37 this is from the US CDC right now (not sure where you are located, my memory is terrible if you have shared). These are the guidelines my family is following. My husband is fully vaccinated and still wears masks everywhere.
TTC History
Me: 26 DH: 27
TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019
TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021
@grangerhp37 I think you have to do what you feel safe with and is right for you. I personally wouldn’t risk covid (and potentially several people getting Covid from a party I’m hosting) to avoid offending someone.
We are having a really small backyard birthday party for my son. It’s our neighbor (a mom + 2 kids), my BIL (BIL, SIL + their two kids) and my MIL and FIL. All the adults are fully vaccinated. We have several friends and their kids that always come to our kids parties but they’re choosing not to get vaccinated when it’s readily available here and I’m just not okay with bringing that risk to a party I’m hosting. So we’re just going to deal with the awkwardness that may come from sharing that we had a small party with our closest bubble people Honestly, we’ve been far more cautious this entire time than they have, so while I can imagine them being slightly offended or talking about it amongst themselves, I know they wouldn’t be surprised by it.
@ch@chindimples04 yes! These updated guidelines are what we’re following. So in my mind, the only way I’d invite unvaccinated people to my outdoor gathering would be if they wore masks... but I’m not going to ask them to, nor would they want to/expect to, so I’m just not inviting them. And obviously an unvaccinated person at an indoor gathering is just a hard no.
@cait32 Yeah everyone at this point has the opportunity to at least schedule an appointment for the vaccine. My DD is the only one in my household unvaccinated and she wouldn't be there, but there's also still a small concern about bringing something home to her? Although I know more research is coming out that transmission by someone who is vaccinated is low. And also still a small concern about myself being pregnant and therefore high risk - even though I am vaccinated, I'm not completely immune.
I don't particularly care about going out of my way to protect people who are choosing not to vaccinate, which would be the case with my aunt (and my brother and his fiance apparently, although they live far away and likely wouldn't be attending). It does seem insensitive but if they don't have specific medical reasons preventing them from being vaccinated, then I agree they're on their own if they were to end up getting sick.
I'm also hoping we'll be closer to herd immunity by the end of July, and hopefully this becomes a non-issue. I just personally have not been indoors, unmasked, with anyone unvaccinated since getting my vaccine in February. And prior to that, the only people that we would socialize with without masks were our parents, with our visits spread out by at least 2 weeks.
@galentine I know, that's how I feel too. And I don't particularly care to spend time with her anyway lol. I just think my mom, who would be throwing the shower, would rather not say "you can only come if you're vaccinated", even though she's been very cautious about covid this whole time.
@chindimples04 Thanks! I am in VA and our area has a pretty good rate of vaccination. I still wear my mask everywhere in public, especially indoors. We've started to socialize with a few neighbors who have been vaccinated, mostly outdoors but without masks. I guess by this if the shower were outdoors then it would be ok to not worry as much about whether people are vaccinated (although the unvaxxed people should be wearing masks which I guarantee they wouldn't be lol), but not if it's indoors. I really hope things are even better by the summer! I am tempted to tell my mom to just skip family all together and just invite my few local friends who I know are vaccinated.
@kitandcat That's what I'm leaning towards too. I guess my hang up is that I don't know for sure if this aunt isn't getting her vaccine, and I feel like it would be awkward to directly ask? My mom isn't particularly close with her anymore but we were all close growing up. It also feels awkward to just straight up not invite her, but still invite my other aunt (who we know is vaccinated) who lives nearby and is from the same side of the family. Ugh family is weird and covid sucks.
I was only in one other BMB and it was pretty loose goosy in adding people. Basically if you posted frequently enough, you got added regardless of your values or who you were. Ended up being a WILD first year in the FB group with multiple drama instigators and multiple group splits. Now, 5 years later (😱) there are two groups with about half the people in both groups to keep certain people apart and all the drama queens left both groups 😂.
Anyway, I'm fine with moving to a private group if y'all will have me but I'd rather wait till the end of the October clan is reaching third tri since I know many join in second tri. Hopefully only regular and engaged posters make it through!
@grangerhp37 I'd note in the invite that we are asking all people to complete their vaccination series by XX date in order to attend and maybe offer a virtual option for those who cant/don't want to be vaccinated (set up a zoom for gift opening and call it a day). I wouldn't police this though and just hope that they follow your request.
I was in the July 19 BMB and I think we made the move in May. I'm more than happy to make that move, but would also prefer to wait to get more frequent users. The app is always so glitchy for me so I always end up posting on my laptop. I thought our admins did an awesome job with vetting. I think everyone had to have a posting minimum or something like that. Then to be allowed on the FB Group, you had to post a picture with a face and bump with username and something with the date. At the end I remember seeing a A LOT of random people post odd questions. There seemed to be people that were upset at not being allowed to be in the FB, but there were names no one recognized. I love my BMB, it's honestly the only reason I still use FB
@grangerhp37 echoing @vampirina on the invite and offer a virtual option. Maybe you or your mom could subtlety let it slip that all/most of the invitees will be vaccinated to her?
This should probably go in the Unpopular Opinion thread, but my risk tolerance is higher than the CDC's. My family and I are fully vaccinated, and as young people, we are at very low risk of bad outcomes regardless. If there are people who had the opportunity to get vaccinated and have not, even if they are high risk, they are accepting the possibility of severe consequences. I think if people know up front what to expect (indoor vs. outdoor, vaccines and/or masks required or not) adult humans should be expected to make their own decisions according to their own risk tolerance and preference.
However, it's fair that you have a lower tolerance for risk than me. My question in light of that is, if neither your mom nor you (nor even your other aunt?) are close enough to ask your aunt whether she is vaccinated, why invite her?
Anyway, I'm fine with moving to a private group if y'all will have me but I'd rather wait till the end of the October clan is reaching third tri since I know many join in second tri. Hopefully only regular and engaged posters make it through!
I feel like it's pretty early to move to a private group. @cait32 You're right I'm still in our Jan'19 BMB FB group There are 38 of us in there now, probably 25-30 very active and the rest pop in/out. We started around 45 in the FB group but a couple left with basically the only drama we've ever had (Person A called Person B racist; everyone else then decided to tell Person A how horrible they apparently all felt she was and never liked her to begin with... so Person A and 3 or so other people left that day), and we got rid of the other people like 6-8 months into the FB group when we realized they weren't ever really posting, or had NEVER shared a pic even of themselves, and it just felt creepy.
I would def feel comfortable requiring everyone who's able (e.g., not kids basically) to be vaccinated before attending an event with people at high risk. Luckily, all of our parents are vaccinated already, but I'm planning on making sure they all know they need whatever booster might be appropriate + a negative test if they're coming to visit with the baby is born. I just am concerned enough that kids can't get the vaccine yet, and that there will be a mutation that is more harmful to children (toddlers or babies) that it seems like a fair ask. We are planning to through a backyard BBQ for July 4th and will still be asking adults to be vaccinated if they're coming (kids an obvious exception to that rule). I'm not trying to get even mild COVID while pregnant.
Did anyone actually say we should move to a private group now? Maybe I missed it. I thought we were all speaking in hypothetical about when we move to a PG someday in the future.
@galentine I don't think anyone is actually advocating moving to a PG or FB already. I think it kind of just morphed oddly into that.
I'm super gullible/trusting, so if there is any nefarious business going on with anyone on this board, I will not be the person to sniff it out. I will follow along for all the drama though. There was one a few years ago that was caught because of improper comma placement. That was a fun rabbit hole to go down.
@cait32 I agree with your original comment. I love lurking and reading birth stories. I find labor and birth so fascinating. It really is a bummer that they're rarely posted anymore.
@aztecash I know what you mean, if anything ever happens I was never even close to picking up on it. I'm also in the July '19 group and was glad we waited as long as we did to create a private fb group. I don't mind having some general information public at this stage because I'm sure there are a lot of pregnant people lurking and if anything I'm going through can help them out, I'm glad! The June group went private super early (like 2nd trimester), which I was disappointed about because my due date was July 3, and as a first-timer I wanted to be able to see what was coming. I would go look on that group sometimes to see what symptoms they were talking about, what their upcoming doctor visits were like, etc. Anyway, I think we're only speaking hypothetically, but there's my two cents. 😉
@galentine Grammar-nazi detectives, it was pretty amazing. The person would always address things as: "Hi, Amanda" instead of "Hi Amanda," so when she pretended to be her SO but wrote the same way, she was caught. I tried to find the post, but I don't have patience for that right now. I can't remember what day it is, but stuff like this will dance around in my memory forever.
@galentine I found it - July 2014 "Newb in town" thread. Honestly, it's really annoying to read now because half the users and their comments have been deleted, including the comma ones. The issue was a comma after "but" instead of before. I just wasted way too much of my time on this.
@k_rn21 I don’t have Facebook either, been off it for almost 5 years and although I have moments of wanting to go back on the good of being off it has personally outweighed that for me.
My last BMB (sept 2020) went to private bump group around the 3rd trimester and had a strict protocol that you had to be a fairly regular and recognizable poster and also the private group required posting a bump photo with your username and the date so that it could be confirmed you’re legit! And the admins had the ability to kick anyone who didn’t abide by the rules out. that made me so much more comfortable sharing more details in that setting especially birth announcement pics. I don’t post pics of my family on public forums. After birth most of them migrated to Facebook which I understand, a few still check back in in the private group which is nice to catch up with them from time to time!
Thanks for the shower invite recommendations ladies. @noprobalo I’d really rather not invite her anyway, but I think my mom would feel uncomfortable if we didn’t and would worry it could cause drama. I’m leaning towards asking her just to invite my friends (who I know are vaccinated) and try to avoid family other than just my mom and sister. I also hope covid will be even less of a concern by the end of summer 🤞🏻
Hopefully our group can stick together and continue communication. I remember in 2016 when I had my daughter my group was super comforting to have to talk to and vent like this one has been. Makes me feel not so alone in pregnancy since I literally know no one else who is currently pregnant right now.
I miss my August 2019 group. It was small 35 members. We had a private Facebook group until drama went down and a lot of us left. There are mini groups now but I felt that was cliquey and didn’t join either. I’m in touch with the moms I loved from the group but it’s not the same. That group helped me through postpartum and when my dad died id love to be in another group like that. the bump app sucks. I wish I could comment and reply but without a computer it takes forever and just sucks lol
I don’t have a fb either so I’ll be sad if that’s where this group ends up.
Back in the day I posted on TK forever after our wedding until they started cracking down on the old married ladies and trying to get us to move on (and stop scaring off new brides). A huge number of us migrated to an open proboards forum and then later closed it because lol that was not smart.
My bump group for my son in 2016 went to FB right after sharing birth stories I think? We ended up with about 75 people. Same deal as others with various ways to ensure safety when adding people. Shit hit the fan in 2019, we were divided about a specific issue, and we split into two. I don’t think the other group stayed together though. I’m in a group now with 35 of us. There’s a post every single day still and almost everyone is active consistently. And truly, they’re like my 35 best friends in the world. A lot of us have met IRL over the years. All of our kids are turning 5, it’s amazing that we’ve stayed connected these last almost 6 years!! I hope eventually we do move to FB from here, because you just can’t communicate and build relationships in the same way in a public vs private space.
@kitandcat and now I'm wondering if your in my 2016 bump group 🤣🤣 probably not, though, since I think ours split in 2017 or 2018.
@purplegoldpirate it also seems as if there are way more 2nd time moms over 1st time moms so I'm wondering if this space just isn't appealing to new members or if its too hard to find.
@vampirina I had to seek out these boards. If I didn’t have knot/nest experience and didn’t know month boards were a thing I’d have probably never made my way here. So yes, I think you’re on to something there.
The Bump boards came up in the results for some Google searches I did for some early questions. I'd heard of it and the Knot but had never used them. I'm always paranoid that Facebook groups are not as private as they say, and that stuff I posted was going to get shared to all my friends. But I guess if I was a bit younger, I might not know that anonymous forums are still a thing.
So I decided I’m going to delete my bump app- it is absolutely nothing personal and I am so thankful that you ladies have been a support through the first half of this pregnancy! I am just finding it much harder to participate this time around being pregnant with a baby and a toddler and now this whole covid fiasco I’ve just decided for my mental health to cut back on most things on my phone! And it’s not fair to all of you I can’t participate as well. Plus I don’t plan to go on Facebook and since these groups tend to migrate there I wouldn’t be able to continue then. Anyways all is well with baby and I haven’t gotten too too sick and the rest of my family seems healthy still! Thanks again for the support and I truly wish you all the best with the rest of your pregnancies and your new babies 😃
+1 to cherishing my December '17 group! We are on FB and someone just posted yesterday how thankful and amazed she was that we have been a part of one another's daily lives for 4+ years now.
Anyone else get bad luck birthdays? I'm sure this is just coincidence, but I and people I am close to seem to get crapped on more than usual a week or so on either side of my birthday. I spent my 22nd birthday getting chewed out by my grad school advisor for a bad presentation first draft, for my 24th birthday my dog died, in 2018 my MIL got diagnosed with cancer the first time, and last year was COVID of course. This time our home power got knocked out by a squirrel, we've had multiple unrelated internet outages, my whole organization lost email for 8 hours, and my husband got his first bar complaint. I'm just hoping that's it at this point and nothing really catastrophically bad happens. 😑
@noprobalo Yes I have unlucky birthdays! By the time I was like... 7 I started requesting no birthday parties because it was always a shit show. I even had 2 totally normal regular friends get in a knock-down drag-out fist fight at one of my birthday parties (when I was turning... maybe 12? middle school). It was so shocking to everyone, including them, and we just decided it was my birthday curse. Luckily (?) most of them now that I'm an adult are either just being sick so feeling bad on my birthday, or having some financial/pet emergency (like dog getting sick, costing $1000 at the vet, and having to cancel travel plans to care for recovering doggo). I didn't realize it was a thing! I'm sorry you have them too. I hope your DH fairs his complaint well
@Kabazaba Wow, that is a long-standing curse. My cat has a procedure later this month. Hopefully I booked it far enough out that it won't get caught in the birthday vortex, lol.
Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 5.3
Me: 26 DH: 27
TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019
TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021
What is the etiquette on requiring people to be vaccinated to come to an event you're hosting? My mom wants to have a small sprinkle for this baby at the end of July and pretty much everyone on our short list is already vaccinated. I have 1 aunt who most likely is not, but it would be awkward to just not invite her but invite another aunt from the same area and side of the family. It also seems weird to ask if she is planning to get vaccinated before then. I told my mom I'd prefer everyone be vaccinated and she thinks that's too complicated and would rather do nothing for the sprinkle than require vaccines. UGH I hate Covid.
On my DD's BMB, I found it so uncomfortable when a bunch of random people came out of the woodwork and wanted to join when it was time to move to private group/Facebook. There were a couple posters who only ever posted in the HDBD thread, or maaaaybe posted once or twice on the weekly thread with their own updates only. They literally never interacted with another poster on TB, and only ever posted their own information. Never offered support, never answered or asked a question. But then wanted to join in on the private Facebook group. Like.... why? It makes no sense to me.
@grangerhp37 this is from the US CDC right now (not sure where you are located, my memory is terrible if you have shared). These are the guidelines my family is following. My husband is fully vaccinated and still wears masks everywhere.
Me: 26 DH: 27
TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019
TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021
I don't particularly care about going out of my way to protect people who are choosing not to vaccinate, which would be the case with my aunt (and my brother and his fiance apparently, although they live far away and likely wouldn't be attending). It does seem insensitive but if they don't have specific medical reasons preventing them from being vaccinated, then I agree they're on their own if they were to end up getting sick.
I'm also hoping we'll be closer to herd immunity by the end of July, and hopefully this becomes a non-issue. I just personally have not been indoors, unmasked, with anyone unvaccinated since getting my vaccine in February. And prior to that, the only people that we would socialize with without masks were our parents, with our visits spread out by at least 2 weeks.
@galentine I know, that's how I feel too. And I don't particularly care to spend time with her anyway lol. I just think my mom, who would be throwing the shower, would rather not say "you can only come if you're vaccinated", even though she's been very cautious about covid this whole time.
@chindimples04 Thanks! I am in VA and our area has a pretty good rate of vaccination. I still wear my mask everywhere in public, especially indoors. We've started to socialize with a few neighbors who have been vaccinated, mostly outdoors but without masks. I guess by this if the shower were outdoors then it would be ok to not worry as much about whether people are vaccinated (although the unvaxxed people should be wearing masks which I guarantee they wouldn't be lol), but not if it's indoors. I really hope things are even better by the summer! I am tempted to tell my mom to just skip family all together and just invite my few local friends who I know are vaccinated.
Anyway, I'm fine with moving to a private group if y'all will have me but I'd rather wait till the end of the October clan is reaching third tri since I know many join in second tri. Hopefully only regular and engaged posters make it through!
@grangerhp37 I'd note in the invite that we are asking all people to complete their vaccination series by XX date in order to attend and maybe offer a virtual option for those who cant/don't want to be vaccinated (set up a zoom for gift opening and call it a day). I wouldn't police this though and just hope that they follow your request.
@grangerhp37 echoing @vampirina on the invite and offer a virtual option. Maybe you or your mom could subtlety let it slip that all/most of the invitees will be vaccinated to her?
This should probably go in the Unpopular Opinion thread, but my risk tolerance is higher than the CDC's. My family and I are fully vaccinated, and as young people, we are at very low risk of bad outcomes regardless. If there are people who had the opportunity to get vaccinated and have not, even if they are high risk, they are accepting the possibility of severe consequences. I think if people know up front what to expect (indoor vs. outdoor, vaccines and/or masks required or not) adult humans should be expected to make their own decisions according to their own risk tolerance and preference.
However, it's fair that you have a lower tolerance for risk than me. My question in light of that is, if neither your mom nor you (nor even your other aunt?) are close enough to ask your aunt whether she is vaccinated, why invite her?
I would def feel comfortable requiring everyone who's able (e.g., not kids basically) to be vaccinated before attending an event with people at high risk. Luckily, all of our parents are vaccinated already, but I'm planning on making sure they all know they need whatever booster might be appropriate + a negative test if they're coming to visit with the baby is born. I just am concerned enough that kids can't get the vaccine yet, and that there will be a mutation that is more harmful to children (toddlers or babies) that it seems like a fair ask. We are planning to through a backyard BBQ for July 4th and will still be asking adults to be vaccinated if they're coming (kids an obvious exception to that rule). I'm not trying to get even mild COVID while pregnant.
I'm super gullible/trusting, so if there is any nefarious business going on with anyone on this board, I will not be the person to sniff it out. I will follow along for all the drama though. There was one a few years ago that was caught because of improper comma placement. That was a fun rabbit hole to go down.
@cait32 I agree with your original comment. I love lurking and reading birth stories. I find labor and birth so fascinating. It really is a bummer that they're rarely posted anymore.
My last BMB (sept 2020) went to private bump group around the 3rd trimester and had a strict protocol that you had to be a fairly regular and recognizable poster and also the private group required posting a bump photo with your username and the date so that it could be confirmed you’re legit! And the admins had the ability to kick anyone who didn’t abide by the rules out. that made me so much more comfortable sharing more details in that setting especially birth announcement pics. I don’t post pics of my family on public forums. After birth most of them migrated to Facebook which I understand, a few still check back in in the private group which is nice to catch up with them from time to time!
the bump app sucks. I wish I could comment and reply but without a computer it takes forever and just sucks lol
@purplegoldpirate it also seems as if there are way more 2nd time moms over 1st time moms so I'm wondering if this space just isn't appealing to new members or if its too hard to find.