Weekly Randoms w/o 5.3 — The Bump
October 2021 Moms

Weekly Randoms w/o 5.3


TTC History

Me: 26 DH: 27

TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019

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TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021

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kitandcatmac-n-cheesypizzaplzgalentinecenzosmommak_rn21mia8263purplegoldpirate
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Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 5.3

  • cait32cait32 member
    I totally understand why BMBs migrate so early these days (back in 2017 with my daughter I don't think there was a FB group until well after we had the babies -- or maybe right around that time -- now even September is talking about moving groups). Anyway, I get it, but it makes me sad because I *loved* reading the birth announcement threads in the months that proceeded mine. It was always nice to read the stories (barring the ones where something not great happened). I never posted a photo of my kids in mine, but just the stories by themselves were fun. Now groups are gone way before actual births happen and its a bummer.
    DSS: March 2006
    DD: July 2017
    DS: February 2019
    BFP #3 TW ended in CP March 2020
    BFP #4 - TW ended in CP August 2020
    BFP #5 - due October 2021
    demimondainemac-n-cheesygalentinecenzosmomma
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  • noprobalonoprobalo member
    I don't think I understand the reasoning for doing that. If I'm going to post potentially embarrassing or medically relevant information, I prefer the anonymity of my one-off username and lack of profile photo. I would prefer it not be associated with my Facebook profile, private group or not. And I'm still not posting personal info or photos, nor am I answering PMs, especially if they're skeevy.
    cait32cenzosmommapurplegoldpirate
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  • vampirinavampirina member
    @cait32 I do hope we can move to FB eventually but yeah I don't have enough rapport with this group to do that quite yet. 
    pizzaplzgalentine
  • It's so much easier for me to keep up with a FB group than it is with TB. I definitely don't participate as much here as I wish I could since I'm mostly on mobile and the app is such a pain.

    What is the etiquette on requiring people to be vaccinated to come to an event you're hosting? My mom wants to have a small sprinkle for this baby at the end of July and pretty much everyone on our short list is already vaccinated. I have 1 aunt who most likely is not, but it would be awkward to just not invite her but invite another aunt from the same area and side of the family. It also seems weird to ask if she is planning to get vaccinated before then. I told my mom I'd prefer everyone be vaccinated and she thinks that's too complicated and would rather do nothing for the sprinkle than require vaccines. UGH I hate Covid.
    chindimples04gingermama46mia8263
  • cait32cait32 member
    @grangerhp37 do you live somewhere that the vaccine is readily accessible? My thing now that you can get a vax appt here whenever, I don’t feel a whole lot of responsibility for folks who choose not to get it. If there are kids around who can’t be vaccinated, that’s different. But if adults are eligible, have access, and are choosing not to, it’s kind of on them if they get sick (I mean that sounds insensitive but you know what I mean I think). So for me, I wouldn’t require it but I feel like I’d sort of try to make sure folks were 2 weeks out from the vax if someone (or some people) were coming unvaccinated. 
    DSS: March 2006
    DD: July 2017
    DS: February 2019
    BFP #3 TW ended in CP March 2020
    BFP #4 - TW ended in CP August 2020
    BFP #5 - due October 2021
    vampirinamia8263purplegoldpirate
  • galentinegalentine member
    @grangerhp37, it might be awkward, but it's totally fair and valid to require people be vaccinated to come to your sprinkle. If that's your preference, I say go for it. Actions have consequences: if your aunt chooses not to get vaccinated, she might have to miss out on fun stuff. Honestly I think if more people took the hard stance of "only vaccinated adults are invited" it might be more incentive for those who are on the fence to get vaccinated.
    Kabazabapurplegoldpirate
  • galentinegalentine member
    @chindimples04, my last BMB also had a pretty strict vetting process before going to a private group and eventually Facebook.

    On my DD's BMB, I found it so uncomfortable when a bunch of random people came out of the woodwork and wanted to join when it was time to move to private group/Facebook. There were a couple posters who only ever posted in the HDBD thread, or maaaaybe posted once or twice on the weekly thread with their own updates only. They literally never interacted with another poster on TB, and only ever posted their own information. Never offered support, never answered or asked a question. But then wanted to join in on the private Facebook group. Like.... why? It makes no sense to me.
    momofmiracles31889Kabazabamia8263
  • cait32cait32 member
    @galentine I remember that too — with DD (July 2017) I think we went to a private group on the bump and then they went to Facebook. I sort of disengaged from that group because I had a PG (eventually a FB group) with a bunch of us from TTGP at the time. We still have our FB group. With January 2019, I went to FB for a little bit but it was still just too big for me and I left. @Kabazaba was in that one but don’t know if she’s still in the FB group. I likely won’t move over to a FB group—I have my account disabled right now and just didn’t like the time suck. But I do miss my TTGP group on there. I totally understand the merits of FB over TB though once people know each other more.
    DSS: March 2006
    DD: July 2017
    DS: February 2019
    BFP #3 TW ended in CP March 2020
    BFP #4 - TW ended in CP August 2020
    BFP #5 - due October 2021
    galentinemomofmiracles31889Kabazaba
  • @galentine we went with a system where if we didn’t recognize the username we put it out to the group. If enough people (I think it was half) recognized the username and felt strongly about adding them, then we did. Sounds catty but we really wanted to make sure everyone was comfortable with who was being added to the group. I think we had 55ish in the private group and it dropped a few when we transitioned to Facebook and we lost a few in the Facebook group due to inactivity.

    @grangerhp37 this is from the US CDC right now (not sure where you are located, my memory is terrible if you have shared). These are the guidelines my family is following. My husband is fully vaccinated and still wears masks everywhere. 



    TTC History

    Me: 26 DH: 27

    TTC #1 | June '18-August '18 | DD | Born April 21, 2019 | Due May 10, 2019

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    TTC#2 | June '20-February '21 | DS | Due October 27, 2021

    Lilypie Maternity tickers

    grangerhp37pizzaplz
  • kitandcatkitandcat member
    @grangerhp37 I think you have to do what you feel safe with and is right for you. I personally wouldn’t risk covid (and potentially several people getting Covid from a party I’m hosting) to avoid offending someone. 

    We are having a really small backyard birthday party for my son. It’s our neighbor (a mom + 2 kids), my BIL (BIL, SIL + their two kids) and my MIL and FIL. All the adults are fully vaccinated. We have several friends and their kids that always come to our kids parties but they’re choosing not to get vaccinated when it’s readily available here and I’m just not okay with bringing that risk to a party I’m hosting. So we’re just going to deal with the awkwardness that may come from sharing that we had a small party with our closest bubble people :) Honestly, we’ve been far more cautious this entire time than they have, so while I can imagine them being slightly offended or talking about it amongst themselves, I know they wouldn’t be surprised by it. 

    @[email protected] yes! These updated guidelines are what we’re following. So in my mind, the only way I’d invite unvaccinated people to my outdoor gathering would be if they wore masks... but I’m not going to ask them to, nor would they want to/expect to, so I’m just not inviting them. And obviously an unvaccinated person at an indoor gathering is just a hard no.
    grangerhp37
  • @cait32 Yeah everyone at this point has the opportunity to at least schedule an appointment for the vaccine. My DD is the only one in my household unvaccinated and she wouldn't be there, but there's also still a small concern about bringing something home to her? Although I know more research is coming out that transmission by someone who is vaccinated is low. And also still a small concern about myself being pregnant and therefore high risk - even though I am vaccinated, I'm not completely immune.

    I don't particularly care about going out of my way to protect people who are choosing not to vaccinate, which would be the case with my aunt (and my brother and his fiance apparently, although they live far away and likely wouldn't be attending). It does seem insensitive but if they don't have specific medical reasons preventing them from being vaccinated, then I agree they're on their own if they were to end up getting sick.

    I'm also hoping we'll be closer to herd immunity by the end of July, and hopefully this becomes a non-issue. I just personally have not been indoors, unmasked, with anyone unvaccinated since getting my vaccine in February. And prior to that, the only people that we would socialize with without masks were our parents, with our visits spread out by at least 2 weeks.

    @galentine I know, that's how I feel too. And I don't particularly care to spend time with her anyway lol. I just think my mom, who would be throwing the shower, would rather not say "you can only come if you're vaccinated", even though she's been very cautious about covid this whole time.

    @chindimples04 Thanks! I am in VA and our area has a pretty good rate of vaccination. I still wear my mask everywhere in public, especially indoors. We've started to socialize with a few neighbors who have been vaccinated, mostly outdoors but without masks. I guess by this if the shower were outdoors then it would be ok to not worry as much about whether people are vaccinated (although the unvaxxed people should be wearing masks which I guarantee they wouldn't be lol), but not if it's indoors. I really hope things are even better by the summer! I am tempted to tell my mom to just skip family all together and just invite my few local friends who I know are vaccinated.
  • @kitandcat That's what I'm leaning towards too. I guess my hang up is that I don't know for sure if this aunt isn't getting her vaccine, and I feel like it would be awkward to directly ask? My mom isn't particularly close with her anymore but we were all close growing up. It also feels awkward to just straight up not invite her, but still invite my other aunt (who we know is vaccinated) who lives nearby and is from the same side of the family. Ugh family is weird and covid sucks.
  • vampirinavampirina member
    edited May 4
    I was only in one other BMB and it was pretty loose goosy in adding people. Basically if you posted frequently enough, you got added regardless of your values or who you were.  Ended up being a WILD first year in the FB group with multiple drama instigators and multiple group splits. Now, 5 years later (😱) there are two groups with about half the people in both groups to keep certain people apart and all the drama queens left both groups 😂. 

    Anyway, I'm fine with moving to a private group if y'all will have me but I'd rather wait till the end of the October clan is reaching third tri since I know many join in second tri. Hopefully only regular and engaged posters make it through!

    @grangerhp37 I'd note in the invite that we are asking all people to complete their vaccination series by XX date in order to attend and maybe offer a virtual option for those who cant/don't want to be vaccinated (set up a zoom for gift opening and call it a day). I wouldn't police this though and just hope that they follow your request. 
    chindimples04grangerhp37
  • gingermama46gingermama46 member
    edited May 4
    I was in the July 19 BMB and I think we made the move in May. I'm more than happy to make that move, but would also prefer to wait to get more frequent users. The app is always so glitchy for me so I always end up posting on my laptop. I thought our admins did an awesome job with vetting. I think everyone had to have a posting minimum or something like that. Then to be allowed on the FB Group, you had to post a picture with a face and bump with username and something with the date. At the end I remember seeing a A LOT of random people post odd questions. There seemed to be people that were upset at not being allowed to be in the FB, but there were names no one recognized. I love my BMB, it's honestly the only reason I still use FB  :D

    @grangerhp37 echoing @vampirina on the invite and offer a virtual option. Maybe you or your mom could subtlety let it slip that all/most of the invitees will be vaccinated to her?
    galentinechindimples04grangerhp37mia8263
  • noprobalonoprobalo member
    @grangerhp37 I think @vampirina has a good suggestion.

    This should probably go in the Unpopular Opinion thread, but my risk tolerance is higher than the CDC's. My family and I are fully vaccinated, and as young people, we are at very low risk of bad outcomes regardless. If there are people who had the opportunity to get vaccinated and have not, even if they are high risk, they are accepting the possibility of severe consequences. I think if people know up front what to expect (indoor vs. outdoor, vaccines and/or masks required or not) adult humans should be expected to make their own decisions according to their own risk tolerance and preference.

    However, it's fair that you have a lower tolerance for risk than me. My question in light of that is, if neither your mom nor you (nor even your other aunt?) are close enough to ask your aunt whether she is vaccinated, why invite her?
    vampirinagingermama46
  • galentinegalentine member
    vampirina said:

    Anyway, I'm fine with moving to a private group if y'all will have me but I'd rather wait till the end of the October clan is reaching third tri since I know many join in second tri. Hopefully only regular and engaged posters make it through!
    Yes to all of this!! 
    gingermama46chindimples04purplegoldpirate
  • KabazabaKabazaba member
    I feel like it's pretty early to move to a private group. @cait32 You're right I'm still in our Jan'19 BMB FB group :) There are 38 of us in there now, probably 25-30 very active and the rest pop in/out. We started around 45 in the FB group but a couple left with basically the only drama we've ever had (Person A called Person B racist; everyone else then decided to tell Person A how horrible they apparently all felt she was and never liked her to begin with... so Person A and 3 or so other people left that day), and we got rid of the other people like 6-8 months into the FB group when we realized they weren't ever really posting, or had NEVER shared a pic even of themselves, and it just felt creepy.

    I would def feel comfortable requiring everyone who's able (e.g., not kids basically) to be vaccinated before attending an event with people at high risk. Luckily, all of our parents are vaccinated already, but I'm planning on making sure they all know they need whatever booster might be appropriate + a negative test if they're coming to visit with the baby is born. I just am concerned enough that kids can't get the vaccine yet, and that there will be a mutation that is more harmful to children (toddlers or babies) that it seems like a fair ask. We are planning to through a backyard BBQ for July 4th and will still be asking adults to be vaccinated if they're coming (kids an obvious exception to that rule). I'm not trying to get even mild COVID while pregnant.
    Me: 36 | DH: 41 | Married: 9/29/07 | DD: December 2018 | BFP: 2/1/21, EDD: 10/6/21
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  • galentinegalentine member
    Did anyone actually say we should move to a private group now? Maybe I missed it. I thought we were all speaking in hypothetical about when we move to a PG someday in the future. 
    Kabazaba
  • aztecashaztecash member
    @galentine I don't think anyone is actually advocating moving to a PG or FB already. I think it kind of just morphed oddly into that. 

    I'm super gullible/trusting, so if there is any nefarious business going on with anyone on this board, I will not be the person to sniff it out. I will follow along for all the drama though. There was one a few years ago that was caught because of improper comma placement. That was a fun rabbit hole to go down. 

    @cait32 I agree with your original comment. I love lurking and reading birth stories. I find labor and birth so fascinating. It really is a bummer that they're rarely posted anymore. 
    galentineKabazabacait32
  • galentinegalentine member
    @aztecash, ooooh improper comma placement?! I'm so intrigued! I'll have to read that if I can find it.
    aztecash
  • pizzaplzpizzaplz member
    @aztecash I know what you mean, if anything ever happens I was never even close to picking up on it. I'm also in the July '19 group and was glad we waited as long as we did to create a private fb group. I don't mind having some general information public at this stage because I'm sure there are a lot of pregnant people lurking and if anything I'm going through can help them out, I'm glad! The June group went private super early (like 2nd trimester), which I was disappointed about because my due date was July 3, and as a first-timer I wanted to be able to see what was coming. I would go look on that group sometimes to see what symptoms they were talking about, what their upcoming doctor visits were like, etc. Anyway, I think we're only speaking hypothetically, but there's my two cents. 😉
    aztecashgalentinemac-n-cheesy
  • aztecashaztecash member
    @galentine Grammar-nazi detectives, it was pretty amazing. The person would always address things as: "Hi, Amanda" instead of "Hi Amanda," so when she pretended to be her SO but wrote the same way, she was caught. I tried to find the post, but I don't have patience for that right now. I can't remember what day it is, but stuff like this will dance around in my memory forever. 
    galentinemac-n-cheesy
  • pizzaplzpizzaplz member
    @cait32 no worries, my read of your comment was that you're kind of saying the opposite! 
    galentinecait32
  • aztecashaztecash member
    @galentine I found it - July 2014 "Newb in town" thread. Honestly, it's really annoying to read now because half the users and their comments have been deleted, including the comma ones. The issue was a comma after "but" instead of before. I just wasted way too much of my time on this. 
    galentine
  • k_rn21k_rn21 member
    Am I the odd one out because I don’t have fb? Well I do, but it’s deactivated. 🤔
    purplegoldpirate
  • @k_rn21 I don’t have Facebook either, been off it for almost 5 years and although I have moments of wanting to go back on the good of being off it has personally outweighed that for me.

    My last BMB (sept 2020) went to private bump group around the 3rd trimester and had a strict protocol that you had to be a fairly regular and recognizable poster and also the private group required posting a bump photo with your username and the date so that it could be confirmed you’re legit! And the admins had the ability to kick anyone who didn’t abide by the rules out. that made me so much more comfortable sharing more details in that setting especially birth announcement pics. I don’t post pics of my family on public forums. After birth most of them migrated to Facebook which I understand, a few still check back in in the private group which is nice to catch up with them from time to time! 
    galentinechindimples04cenzosmommak_rn21
  • Thanks for the shower invite recommendations ladies. @noprobalo I’d really rather not invite her anyway, but I think my mom would feel uncomfortable if we didn’t and would worry it could cause drama. I’m leaning towards asking her just to invite my friends (who I know are vaccinated) and try to avoid family other than just my mom and sister. I also hope covid will be even less of a concern by the end of summer 🤞🏻
  • mia8263mia8263 member
    I miss my August 2019 group. It was small 35 members. We had a private Facebook group until drama went down and a lot of us left. There are mini groups now but I felt that was cliquey and didn’t join either. I’m in touch with the moms I loved from the group but it’s not the same. That group helped me through postpartum and when my dad died id love to be in another group like that. 
    the bump app sucks. I wish I could comment and reply but without a computer it takes forever and just sucks lol 
    chindimples04madiirosee
  • kandb4kandb4 member
    I honestly didn't realize there was a bump app 😂🤭🤷‍♀️I just use the website on my phone.
    chindimples04
  • I don’t have a fb either so I’ll be sad if that’s where this group ends up. 

    Back in the day I posted on TK forever after our wedding until they started cracking down on the old married ladies and trying to get us to move on (and stop scaring off new brides). A huge number of us migrated to an open proboards forum and then later closed it because lol that was not smart. 
  • There was just a contentious FB migration issue in a group newer than ours 🙊
    vampirina
  • Says a lot about the usability of these forums if newer groups are trying to leave already. 
    mac-n-cheesyvampirinaKabazaba
  • vampirinavampirina member
    @kitandcat and now I'm wondering if your in my 2016 bump group 🤣🤣 probably not, though, since I think ours split in 2017 or 2018. 

    @purplegoldpirate it also seems as if there are way more 2nd time moms over 1st time moms so I'm wondering if this space just isn't appealing to new members or if its too hard to find. 
  • edited May 7
    @vampirina I had to seek out these boards. If I didn’t have knot/nest experience and didn’t know month boards were a thing I’d have probably never made my way here. So yes, I think you’re on to something there. 
    vampirinak_rn21
  • noprobalonoprobalo member
    The Bump boards came up in the results for some Google searches I did for some early questions. I'd heard of it and the Knot but had never used them. I'm always paranoid that Facebook groups are not as private as they say, and that stuff I posted was going to get shared to all my friends. But I guess if I was a bit younger, I might not know that anonymous forums are still a thing.
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