@emeraldcity1214 I have my NT scan and MFM consult tomorrow afternoon. They told me about 2 hours too. I’ll be able to update again tomorrow with how long it takes!
Hey guys, I could use some advice. DH has been very withdrawn for the past week, to the point where I hardly see him. He has spent no time with me or the kids this last weekend. I finally confronted him last night and asked him what was wrong. I was unfortunately an emotional mess because I’m worried about him, but also because I’m a hormonal ball of anxiety! He assured me that nothing bad happened, he’s not mad at me, and everything is fine. This is not normal behavior for him. He is usually very engaged with his family and doesn’t miss a minute. It dawned on me today that he may be struggling with depression, which would explain his avoidance behavior and general mood. He told me a few weeks ago that he didn’t want to teach my son to play baseball... which is strange because he is a former professional baseball player and he had always wanted a son to play sports with. I’m realizing that all of these can be symptoms of depression, and that the condition can often come in waves instead of a steady pace. He’s had some times over the past ten years we’ve been together where he has behaved similarly (withdrawn, irritable, barely talks). Generally he just wakes up one morning and is back to normal (his usual cheerful self), but this time seems a little worse.
I feel completely lost as to what I can do to help him. I’m worried if I bring it up to him he will get defensive and it will make things worse. This man is my whole world and I would do anything for him - any online resources or forums that you would recommend? I want to help him get through this the best way I can so he can enjoy life again.
ETA: I could especially use advice from those of you that struggle with depression - what do your loved ones do that helps the most? What is the least helpful?
@mybigfatgreekfetus have you ever discussed mental health with him? Do you think he knows how to recognize depression? Would he be willing to participate in virtual therapy sessions?
@mybigfatgreekfetus This is anecdotal, but maybe it’ll help. I mentioned on another thread that I have struggled with mental health this past year (I think many of us have). What helped the most for me when I was in a low point was my husband would bring me food and water, kiss my forehead, tell me he loved me, and then let me rest. I felt like he allowed me the time I needed to heal and get better. When I was ready to talk he was there to listen. Without that constant reminder of support without judgment I think I would’ve stayed down a lot longer.
@mybigfatgreekfetus I'm so sorry you both are going through this! I've struggled with a variety of types of depression from about age 17 to now. Sometimes it is caused by my circumstances, sometimes hormones, but from 17 to 23 I struggled with I believe "clinical depression" (I was never officially diagnosed, just given medication (Cipralex), and did not have professional counseling). I'm going to specifically talk about that season of depression: I often felt like it was grey, even on bright sunny days. I could be surrounded by friends yet sad and thinking suicidal thoughts. I frequently had suicidal fantasies and thought it was normal to wonder "what is the point of living/life?". I was finally at a breaking point at 21 and sought help from a walk in clinic. It was really an answered prayer - the doctor took me seriously and gave me the right medication. Another doctor helped me wean off the medication a year and a half later after explaining this medication can help the part of the brain that had a serotonin deficiency develop properly, and would I like to see if it had done its job and made a difference. No matter what my circumstances since then, that feeling of grayness is gone, so I do believe it was related to serotonin deficiency. I want to say that in my personal circumstances, no matter how much comfort I had from friends, family, and my now husband, even if things were going well, that feeling of grey always returned later until I went on medication. I don't know what's right for your husband, but please keep gently encouraging him to seek the answers and find the help that makes the difference to his day to day mindset. Living with depression is like living with all the colour sucked out of your world - having that colour come back and stay, when you get the right help, is so amazing. Medication might not be the answer for him, he might need counseling, or a support group, or a couple of friends to regularly check in. Keep us posted on how you'll are doing and please know you are not alone ❤
Thanks, ladies. I’ve struggled with anxiety (Depression’s equally ugly stepsister) my whole life, and although the symptoms present themselves differently, I have found that typically I have a low level of anxiety at all times and then I’ll get triggered by an event that sends me into a tailspin. Sounds like depression is similar. I’m not sure how to bring up my concerns to him. I know that I didn’t handle things well yesterday, since I thought he was angry at me and took his behavior personally... which just made me cry and get really upset with him. Now I’m realizing that maybe the problem is more with how he’s feeling, and has less to do with me. For those of you fighting depression, did you ever feel irritated to be around loved ones? Or is it more that you just want to be alone? In the meantime I’m trying to keep up with all of the kid/house responsibilities by myself so he can have a break... which is pretty exhausting. I really want my husband back.
@mybigfatgreekfetus I am so sorry you and your husband are going through this. I don't know if my experience is helpful, but I have long struggled with anxiety. For years, I refused to see anyone or take anything and it just got worse and worse to the point of a total breakdown. That is what I think you'll want to avoid if things seem to keep going downhill. Everyone is different and will have different experiences, but for me, medication was the ONLY thing that helped. I tried everything, and as @sleepydaze mentioned above, it's often a seratonin deficiency which was definitley the case with me. Medication make a world of difference and I was so against taking it at first but once I experience the difference....i mean it's like night and day. I still struggle and have ups and downs but its manageable. I hope your husband can find what works for him and just gently be there for him and encourage him to speak to someone whether just his family doctor or a therapist. Hugs to you
@kissyfir1586 I tested positive for COVID right before Christmas, and the doctor recommended I isolate if at all possible. Not everyone who's exposed gets it, so they suggested being extra cautious if we could.
It ended up meaning we moved Christmas several days because I was isolated in our master, but we made it work. DH brought me meals (masked) and we met up outside a few times when it wasn't freezing, but it was hard staying away from our son for 14 days.
Then DH ended up getting it and we had to do it all over again with him since our son hadn't gotten it yet (that we're aware of. There was a case at daycare so I wonder if he brought it home to us he just wasn't symptomatic).
I had a friend who's mom was exposed right after that and they went ahead and gave her the vaccine. So I wouldn't automatically cancel, but maybe call your OB and health department to find out what you should do.
Sorry you're in this crappy situation! It blows SO much...
@emeraldcity1214 not an MFM, but my OB sends patients out for the NT and anatomy scans because they take so much time. He doesn't have the time to dedicate to them in office.
I know the anatomy scan is usually pretty long, but I don't remember the NT being two hours. Maybe they're over estimating just in case baby doesn't cooperate position-wise?
@mybigfatgreekfetus I preferred to be around people, but that could be because women tend to want to connect with others when we're going through something. I notice DH doesn't need to process his feelings with others- not sure if that applies to your husband too? I would isolate when I was on a downward spiral which in my case was unhealthy as that's when I would end up feeling alone and suicidal. I wonder if talking to a professional might offer you some strategies to help your husband, until he's willing to start taking those steps? You're dealing with a lot! It's okay to ask others around you for help too - you're already doing so much!
@emeraldcity1214 update: about 1.5 hours for me. Most of it was sitting in the waiting room haha. Baby was very cooperative for the scan so it was only about 15 minutes. Then a 30-40 minute consult with the MFM doctor.
Question: has anyone ever taken injectable blood thinners during pregnancy (i.e. Lovenox) and stopped before delivery? The MFM doctor I saw today basically said there is no clinical reason that I should be on blood thinners and that it’s fine to stop. Needless to say I’m a little (a lot) worried about stopping.
@mybigfatgreekfetus I've got the wonderful anxiety/depression combo pack and have for years. When I get in my low points, I need space to feel all my feelings. I don't respond well when my husband asks about it (he can pretty much always tell when I'm going through it but I hate hearing that when I am). Having the space to wrap my brain around the fact that I'm going though a low period is often the only way for me to get to the first step of pulling myself out of it. I think the most helpful thing he does is ask me what I need. Sometimes I don't know, but it opens the door for me to ask for things if I do know what will help. And yes, I absolutely am more irritable. It's easier sometimes to be angry than sad or numb. I know my husband puts up with a lot from me, and thankfully therapy has made things better for me.
I don’t even know where to start... THANK YOU for your supportive replies everyone! It’s reassuring to know that there are ways to manage depression. It’s just so hard to watch a loved on suffer! Since DH hasn’t been much in a mood to talk, I went old school and sent him an email, like it’s 2005 or something! I basically told him that I’ve noticed a change, maybe there is something specific bothering him, maybe not, but I’m 100% here to listen if he wants to talk. I also told him that his feelings are valid and that I understand if he may be overwhelmed with certain things right now, including the thought of another baby in our life. I also said that he didn’t have to discuss the email if he didn’t want to, but I’m here for him and I love him. Since sending it a couple days ago, I’ve noticed a little bit of an improvement. Maybe he’s processing. But I appreciate everyone’s comments about just needing to have a support person when depression hits hard. Hoping for some gradual improvement!
@mybigfatgreekfetus glad you were able to connect with him, even if he doesn’t want to discuss in person! Writing things out is such a great idea - my husband and I do the same thing when we are talking through big issues/moments.
I hope things continue to improve and you both are able to get the support you need!
My sense of smell has me feeling like a dog more than a pregnant woman. I smell everything, sometimes it’s not the right smell but I smell something strongly. It’s so strange. Last night it possibly saved my life. I kept smelling a strong “chemical” smell. That’s what my nose thought it was. I asked everyone else, nobody smelled anything. Well I investigated and my electric socket had literally melted and there was a burn mark about 4 inches up the wall. I had a small heater plugged in. How nobody else smelled this blows my mind but my crazy dog nose saved my house and possibly me. Anyone else have extremely sensitive sense of smell while pregnant? That’s not always accurate 😆
@cialashelle yes! especially when my morning sickness was at its worst, I had a nose like a bloodhound. I'm glad your sense of smell saved you from a dangerous situation! Mine was really bad in the beginning of pregnancy... Everything in my house smelled...my house, my car, my own hair, my dishwasher, my freezer. I had the windows open in Jan/Feb and everyone thought I was nuts. Luckily that part has started to go away for me, along with the nausea.
My toddler is finally better and now I’m starting to get sick. UGH. I think I’m coming down with a sinus infection. Aside from standard Tylenol and some saline spray... any other magical remedies in place of the DayQuil that I so desperately wish I could take? Lol
@runningonindie I had a worst ever sinus infection with my son and I was able to take plain Tussin (ask pharmacist). Also your OB can send you a list of safe meds.
@runningonindie Agree with @agea.... Get a neti pot. It's definitely gross but it at least provides some temporary relief. I believe regular claritin is also approved for pregnancy. Worth a shot, in case anything is allergy related!
@runningonindie My kids had the tiniest cold and they've so kindly shared it with me and I got it worse than they did. My sinuses were already swollen so it was already a struggle to breathe, especially at night. Now my whole head gets so stuffy and gross in the evenings, and then in the mornings it tries to drain. I've also developed a small cough which is lovely.
It sucks so hard in general, but even more so when pregnant. I hope you're able to find some relief very soon!
@runningonindie you might try sudafed (the plain kind, not D or PE). I have terrible allergies and had a headache for three days before my last OB appointment. My OB suggested it and I swear it didn't used to work for me, but it was definitely better than nothing! The sinus pressure was killing me.
I also alternate heat/cold packs on my head to help
Has anyone found any great baby freebies beyond the amazon and target boxes? I was working on the buy buy baby one also 😂😅 all about those freebies over here
@whatabout2ndbreakfast I made a list (yes, I'm that person!). Pretty sure some require paying for shipping, and not all might be valid anymore. The only one I've ordered/received so far is Kiinde, which you pay shipping for, but the benefit to that one is that it comes with a coupon for a free 40-pack of breastmilk storage bags!
@aerialmrs Wow, I didn’t even know there were so many. For the diapers places, do you get free diapers?
As far as the Amazon box, which I have gotten several times, I’m always disappointed with it and I never use anything in it. I don’t use bottles and none of my babies take pacifiers because I’m the EBF mom that refuses to give them until 4 weeks because I’m scared it will interfere with my milk supply. The Muslim blankets are so rough they are like sandpaper and always have an ugly design that clashes with everything else I buy for the baby. I hate having sample bottles of lotions and soaps because they clutter an area and I never remember to use them. If you use all that stuff it’s a great box for you. I just end up throwing everything away or donating it.
@whatabout2ndbreakfast I've gotten the amazon and target ones. I was disappointed in Amazon. I LOVED the hedgehog blanket my son got when I was pregnant with him. It's actually softer than the A&A blankets we got, and he still sleeps with it. I think there was a onsie or something in it this time? But nothing that I was very excited about.
The target bag was heavy on the bottle and diaper samples. I think there were three or four different brands? And I've probably gotten 4 mam bottles from ordering things from Motherhood Maternity too.
Did anyone else get their NIPT through Myriad? How long did it take? My blood draw was Friday. I know it's premature, but I confess to (already) obsessively checking their website for results. I've been reading terrible reviews online about slow service 🙈. The anticipation!
@kissyfir1586 not Myriad, I had mine done through Natera but it look over 2 weeks to get my results. I had my blood draw on 3/8 and just got results today.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@kissyfir1586 Still impatiently waiting on my Myriad results. I had an initial draw on 3/9, but apparently the phlebotomist didn't take enough blood and I had to go for a re-draw on 3/12.
Re: The Great Big Questions Thread
Would he be willing to participate in virtual therapy sessions?
im so sorry you’re both going through this.
It ended up meaning we moved Christmas several days because I was isolated in our master, but we made it work. DH brought me meals (masked) and we met up outside a few times when it wasn't freezing, but it was hard staying away from our son for 14 days.
Then DH ended up getting it and we had to do it all over again with him since our son hadn't gotten it yet (that we're aware of. There was a case at daycare so I wonder if he brought it home to us he just wasn't symptomatic).
I had a friend who's mom was exposed right after that and they went ahead and gave her the vaccine. So I wouldn't automatically cancel, but maybe call your OB and health department to find out what you should do.
Sorry you're in this crappy situation! It blows SO much...
I know the anatomy scan is usually pretty long, but I don't remember the NT being two hours. Maybe they're over estimating just in case baby doesn't cooperate position-wise?
You're dealing with a lot! It's okay to ask others around you for help too - you're already doing so much!
It sucks so hard in general, but even more so when pregnant. I hope you're able to find some relief very soon!
I also alternate heat/cold packs on my head to help
-amazon registry
-babylist registry
-target registry
-walmart registry
-enfamil family beginnings
-similac strong moms
-noobie sample pregnancy box
-honest diapers
-dyper
-eco by naty diapers
-parasol diapers
-abby & finn diapers
-kabrita
-all good diapers
-medela
-kiinde
-andypandykids
-coterie diapers
-nature one
-mam club
-the baby box co
-buy buy baby
The target bag was heavy on the bottle and diaper samples. I think there were three or four different brands? And I've probably gotten 4 mam bottles from ordering things from Motherhood Maternity too.
Did anyone else get their NIPT through Myriad? How long did it take? My blood draw was Friday. I know it's premature, but I confess to (already) obsessively checking their website for results. I've been reading terrible reviews online about slow service 🙈. The anticipation!
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@grizzlymama86 ugggh, so sorry that happened to you. I'm sure you're dying to get results!