@goldpolkadot@theletlers just when I think it’s getting better it comes back with a vengeance.. it’s not even just nausea it’s like full on flu symptoms until I crack the code and figure out what I can eat or drink to make it go away.
@lbonista I hear you on the heart rate! I am a firm believer that the average should be under 140... I did orange theory and crossfit with my son and had a healthy pregnancy! I am a fan of tabata workouts when pregnant, but also think pregnant women aren't stupid and know their bodies! Especially if you've worked out before being pregnant!
@lbonista on the HR thing, I'd never been told to stay under a number that I recall in my 2 prior pregnancies. The advice from my OB (we bonded over working out) was to be able to carry on a conversation while working out. This time the NP said to keep it under 160. I had actually figured out that 160 was my max on my fitbit and that I need to try not to go over that much if I can.
I do not even monitor my HR when I workout, I just know that its probably at least 170 when I go for a run. I am just trying to use common sense and if something feels off, I will stop. Ugh, I am gaining weight waaaaay too fast. I have always had self-control issues with food but this is different. I don't have any type of nausea so I still want to eat just as much (if not more) than I normally do. I am so upset, I've already put on like 6 pounds and I'm only 10 weeks 2 days. Most of this is just me being shallow, but I really do not want to gain a ton of weight in this pregnancy! I'd love to be one of those women who only puts on like 20 pounds total but I don't think that is going to be the case.
Do you think it will be possible for this weight gain to slow down if I am cautious over the next few weeks?
@lbonista remind me, is this your first baby? With my first I gained probably 7 or 8 pounds in the first tri, but went on to gain about 28 overall. It comes on at different times for everyone. With my second and third, my first tri weight gain was maybe only 3 or 4 pounds, but I gained a bunch in the second. Still ended up being around 25 pounds in both of those! It is totally normal for everyone to gain differently. Some people won’t gain at all in first tri and will lose. Don’t let that kind of info bother you. I know it’s hard not to compare but everyone is coming in at a different starting point.
@ibonista I definitely understand the mindset of not wanting to gain a lot of weight, but remember you can always lose it after baby. As long as your doctors aren’t worried and baby is healthy inside and you are feeling healthy I wouldn’t stress too much. I mean eating more healthy choices is always a good idea, don’t get me wrong. I’ve always struggled with the opposite problem myself in that I can’t gain enough weight in pregnancy and it causes complications for the baby.
It doesn’t diminish your want to just gain a healthy amount in pregnancy though. I think we all wish we could be that glowing perfectly happy pregnant woman who just gets the whole thing right!
And wherever that b***h is she better watch her back. Every other momma secretly hates her!
@pelorunningmama it is my first. I’m hoping this slows down. I’ve been GOD AWFUL the past 4 days, so that doesn’t help. Literally I was 125 on Sat and I was 132 tonight! (Some of this has got to be water weight/bloat) I feel better that it can vary a lot depending on the person. I just have a complicated relationship with food/my weight. It also doesn’t help that my two best friends were literally still a size 4 halfway through their pregnancies.
I am going to try and be really good the next few days and just avoid the scale altogether. We will see what happens!
@lbonista, I agree with @pelorunningmama: everyone is going to gain weight differently, so even though it's hard, try not to compare too much! @pelorunningmama I gained about the same 25ish lbs with all 3 pregnancies but the *when* totally varied by kid. With #1 it was all in 2nd & 3rd tri. With #3 a lot was like 5lbs 1st tri and then I had to rein myself in. @lbonista obviously eating in a healthy way (for both you and baby) is important, but you CAN stabilize a bit by concentrating on eating heathy, nourishing foods. It IS way harder in first tri for sure. My OB comes right out and tells his patients to avoid fried foods and desserts - it usually makes me roll my eyes and chuckle but he's got a point...
@lbonista I know it's hard, but try not to stress yourself out about the weight gain. I gained 40 lbs with DD and 50 lbs with DS and I was able to get it off after each pregnancy. You'll be okay. But also --- trying to follow my own advice because I'm in my own head just like you are right now and feeling horrible about myself.
I have a random vent...about myself 😂 I love to crochet and have several unfinished projects going (as most crafters do!) and also several things I want to make and I can’t make myself do any of it. This has happened with every pregnancy - I have zero interest in the things I usually love. I also love painting and instead of doing actual painting, I just watch videos on IG of people painting. I’m annoyed by myself. I’m hoping it’s just an energy issue and that I’ll be more in to my hobbies in the near future.
I’m 11w4d with a SCH, midwife basically told me it’s a 50/50 toss up if it will resolve or not. For this reason and others I have not wanted to tell anyone about this pregnancy yet. My mom visited for 2 weeks from across the country and although we didn’t plan to tell her she flat out asked me and I couldn’t lie. If she hadn’t I would not have told her.
So a few days ago my husband said he wanted to tell his parents. I asked him if he could please just wait because they are the type to make a big deal, post, tell others, send congratulations etc, and not really understand that this could end poorly and requires delicacy. I’m not mentally in a place where I can pretend to be all carefree and celebratory about this pregnancy. He got huffy and said his mom would be pissed if we waited to just tell them “with everyone else”. I said we can still privately tell them first I just want to wait until we are in the clear (3 more weeks). I said I wouldn’t mind him telling any of his friends or his brothers if he needed someone to talk to.
I thought we were in agreement but today he confessed that he told them right after I asked him not to. And then asked them not to tell me he told them. I felt betrayed because he did something I asked him to wait on but more so because he asked them to keep a secret ABOUT me FROM ME. I was crying and he got all defensive that it wasn’t fair that I “told” my mom but he was left “all alone with this”. Mind you he never talks to me about it. And I had told him he could literally tell anyone else except them. This is hard enough on me without having to also factor in my in laws opinions and feelings on the matter and now I have to worry about if they’re mad that I didn’t want to tell them, because him saying to keep it a secret implies I was the bad guy who didn’t want to share the news. It is just the most irritating thing in the world to know my MIL is sitting home thinking she and my husband have this secret, like she knows something so personal about me, without my consent. I also have trauma around announcing because of how COMPLETELY SHITTY she reacted the first time we were pregnant.
He apologized soon after and i don’t want to hold a grudge so I just wanted to get it out of my system and let it go.
@Serenamarr ugh I hear you. My SCH last pregnancy was pretty big and DH never fully understood my emotions. Luckily I didn't have to talk to my in laws about it. My deal with DH is he can tell his immediate family as long as he'd also tell them if something went wrong. I cried about the SCH when I had a one on one with my boss's boss at 17 weeks. Because we still weren't out of the woods and I wasn't planning to share that I was pregnant. DH was shocked when I told him b/c he didn't realize there was still any risk. I just don't think they understand how it feels or fully grasp the risks sometimes. I cried last week when I was a day before I started bleeding last pregnancy (it was 9+2). Anyways, I'm sorry that your husband went against your request. Hopefully your ILs will understand once you explain what's actually going on although no one was really as concerned as I was about it, even when I explained.
@kvh22 exactly I feel like I’m the only one who is approaching with caution. I don’t know if ignorance is a coping mechanism or if he really doesn’t get the risk, but all I know is I won’t be all in on this pregnancy until we’re in the clear and I don’t want to be robbed of a joyful announcement...again.
@Serenamarr I’m sorry he put you in such a tough place. I really really hope that you get an all clear in three weeks too and that baby just keeps growing as healthily as possible. I can understand wanting to wait. It sounds like an incredibly frustrating situation. Best of luck in sorting it all out with both him and his family. And if everything turns out for the best, don’t let this stop you from making the joyful announcement anyway.
@Serenamarr ugh, I'm sorry, that must feel like a betrayal Vent away here, we all totally understand how you are feeling. I'm glad he apologized and hopefully your in laws will just understand eventually that this is a stressful and emotionally taxing time for you. (trust me, I totallyyyyy get the in-law struggle!)
@Serenamarr I’m sorry that happened, that’s super sucky 😕 I get the in-law struggle too. Mine have been on a long trip for the last week and a half and it’s been so peaceful in their absence. 😬
@Serenamarr ugh, I totally get it. I had a similar conversation with my husband and told him that he could tell someone if he needed support and felt the need to talk to someone other than me but it could NOT be his parents. His parents are the same way (post, start buying gifts, tell everyone, get way too excited - etc) and that is not the kind of “support” you need when a pregnancy feels so fragile. Hopefully he can communicate to them the situation so they can be supportive instead of stress you out further. I know I’m going to have the same issues whenever we have to start telling people ❤️
re weight gain... during my pregnancy with my son I was very paranoid about gaining the "right" amount of weight. But the gain pattern I experienced was far from linear. I didn't gain anything in the first tri, and then my weight shot up a bunch all at once, and then steadied out for a while, the shot up again. And towards the end I couldn't have cared less about the weight. I don't even know how much I gained overall. Post-partum, weight was not one of my top concerns, and I lost it all without trying within 6 months. I know not everyone has that experience and some people struggle with baby weight for years. I hope it's the same for me this time but I know there is no guarantee. Even so, that experience has made me less stressed about weight gain this time around. I'm just going to try to make healthy choices most of the time and trust my body to take care of the rest.
**Also, I am not making healthy choices right now, I am just eating whatever I can stomach.
@kadeephd I’m in the same boat... I eat what I can stomach for the first tri and it’s usually bland noodles or rice. I gained exactly 50 lbs with my 1st and 2nd so I’m expecting to gain the same this time. I was worried about it the first time, but both times I lost it all in 6ish months just from producing so much milk. The first time I was seeing midwives in a hospital setting so they were very clinical about weight gain and made me feel bad about it where as now my midwife just lets you weigh yourself and write it down on the log during the appt. Unless there are other health concerns that stem from the weight gain, I don’t think it’s fair to say there is a “right” weight.
@Serenamarr that is so frustrating. I really like my in-laws but sometimes its just too much for me! I told my husband we aren't going to tell them until I am 16 weeks, haha
kadeephd, that totally makes sense. The more people I talk to the more it varies! I just freak out when I read that I should only be 3 pounds heavier at this point. My weight does fluctuate a lot so I also need to keep that in mind, lol
@Serenamarr Ugh, I'm sorry your H did that.. I know a lot of how you feel. In literal months leading up to DS birth I told DH I wanted two weeks just us to adjust to parenthood and caring for a new baby. He always said he agreed and it was no problem- as did my parents and ILs when I told them. We scheduled for my parents to come visit in early December, nearly 3 weeks after DS was due, and his parents just after Christmas because their schedules were very busy before then. Literally the day after DS was born a week early, DH gave his parent permission to buy last minute plane tickets and come visit, AND stay with us, starting less than 24hrs after I got released from the hospital. DS and I both had an extended stay (3 days) after his breathing issues/NICU time and my pp hemorrhage. I got so upset by him doing this behind my back that I started bawling right there in the hospital room as soon as he told me (HE didn't even tell me! I had to ask after someone else did), trying to nurse my newborn, that I set off all kinds of alarms and nurses came rushing in. My BP spiked and my respirations were erratic, I also started heavy bleeding again because I was so worked up. During my ILs stay I totally lost my shit on MIL because she fell asleep on the couch holding my four day old infant. It was a shitshow and I dare someone to violate my rules again because this time I won't just let it happen- I'll make them cancel flights, no shame.
@mamabee1113 omg I would lose my shit. One small upside to covid that I'm thankful for is I feel like its a little easier to hold visits off for a bit longer after the birth right now.
@mamabee1113 OMG what??? I told DH his parents couldn't come until I was at least 6 weeks postpartum with both kids. And they didn't even stay with us (we all know that would be a disaster - his mom and I are in no way friends - we're cordial). His parents were really disappointed we didn't let them come sooner but it was better for our relationship this way. I cannot imagine them being here AND staying with us. I was like "will your mom help with cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.?" and we both knew the answer was no. "So they can come when your mom's form of 'help' of just holding the baby isn't as harmful." I picked 6 weeks b/c that's when you stop bleeding and seemed like enough time for me to be adjusted. This time around we'll live in the same city as them after we move in November but small visits will actually be easier and I've done this 2x before so I know I can stand up for myself without giving AF if she doesn't like it. But not being able to get hospital visitors will actually be a blessing. I want to try to get out in 1 day this time (wanted that last time but *I* needed to stay longer for monitoring for an internal bleed) but wouldn't plan on telling people or allowing visitors at home if we get home earlier.
Also, I've learned that even though TB gives you an error message when you try to post, it actually posts. So when you hit it multiple times, it creates however many discussions. So annoying and they need to fix it ASAP. It's been going on for at least a week (@bumpadmin).
@Serenamarr Ugh, I'm sorry your H did that.. I know a lot of how you feel. In literal months leading up to DS birth I told DH I wanted two weeks just us to adjust to parenthood and caring for a new baby. He always said he agreed and it was no problem- as did my parents and ILs when I told them. We scheduled for my parents to come visit in early December, nearly 3 weeks after DS was due, and his parents just after Christmas because their schedules were very busy before then. Literally the day after DS was born a week early, DH gave his parent permission to buy last minute plane tickets and come visit, AND stay with us, starting less than 24hrs after I got released from the hospital. DS and I both had an extended stay (3 days) after his breathing issues/NICU time and my pp hemorrhage. I got so upset by him doing this behind my back that I started bawling right there in the hospital room as soon as he told me (HE didn't even tell me! I had to ask after someone else did), trying to nurse my newborn, that I set off all kinds of alarms and nurses came rushing in. My BP spiked and my respirations were erratic, I also started heavy bleeding again because I was so worked up. During my ILs stay I totally lost my shit on MIL because she fell asleep on the couch holding my four day old infant. It was a shitshow and I dare someone to violate my rules again because this time I won't just let it happen- I'll make them cancel flights, no shame.
I WOULD FREAK. Oh my goodness. How you made it through without killing him I do not know. You’re a bigger woman than me lol
@Serenamarr I was just so overwhelmed I couldn’t even muster the energy to do anything about anything until MIL fell asleep holding him. I woke up her immediately with a very stern “Give him back. Now.” And she was just shocked she handed him over and hardly spoke to me from then until they left two days later. I took no sht from then on. DH knew he effed up as soon as the nurses came rushing in to check on me because I was SO not okay I set alarms off. He’s still making it up to me
@kvh22 I wish I put in a 6 week rule (but then again... would it have mattered??) I had severe tearing with DS and just existing made me want to cry. I finally started feeling semi-human by 6 weeks. At least when MY mom came to visit at 3wk pp she did all the cleaning, cooking, and laundry. She even offered to do the grocery shopping on her own, but I needed some fresh air. She helped me soothe DS when he was fussing for a reason we couldn’t figure out (thanks, silent reflux.) and only took him when I offered. She let me hold my own baby as much as I wanted to. SHE is welcome any time after this new baby comes. MIL can suck it.
I’m also mildly thankful for covid helping give a reason more than “because I said so” this time. And living closer to family now will make it so easy to tell them to get lost if they show up and I don’t want them there. I think everyone has learned that I’m a fierce mama bear and won’t take anyone’s crap for half a second. It’s my way or gtfo when it comes to my babies. Not. Even. Sorry.
I know this is trivial, but I’m just having an off day and just tired of staying home with kids all day and then my DH comes home and “helps” for a couple of hours (and by that I mean my kids continuously say “no I want mommy to help me” to everything he attempts to do.) And then once they’re in bed he plays his stupid computer games and we watch TV then go to bed. So I asked DH if after the kids went to bed we could just like sit together and watch a movie or do anything slightly different and if he could just offer to rub my shoulders or get me a snack or anything to just feel cared for instead of always taking care of them. He said yeah that sounded nice and he would do more to help me tonight. Well it ended with him falling asleep in a recliner chair when the kids got to watch a little bit of a movie before bedtime and he’s been out ever since. I’m just annoyed.
@theletlers not trivial at all! That’s super frustrating. I often have many thoughts of “no one takes care of mom!” - especially right after a new baby. It’s so hard to be the one caring for every other person all the time AND be the one growing a baby!! FWIW, I think you did awesome by telling him what you were wanting, even tho he still fell asleep 😬 Hang in there momma, you are a rockstar superhero & doing a great job holding your family together!!
@mamabee1113 omg I would flip my shit!! I went into labor 3ish weeks early and literally a few hours before DH and I were making a plan and I said I didn’t want his family there (didn’t know what kind of labor I would have and his sister is super intense.. I wanted it to just be us adjusting!). Anyway as I got my epidural DH told me his dad was on the way down. Like.... wtf.
Re: weight gain— with my first I gained a lot of weight in the first tri and then it all evened out. I promise as time goes on it gets easier to stay active and eat more than just carbs (my current diet)! Right now I feel like I was gaining weight rapidly then it stopped so of course I think something is wrong with the baby..🙄🙄
Selfish moment. I have an ultrasound Monday morning, and cleared it in advance that my SO could be there with me. Especially since I have a fear of the Big Bad US Machine after getting bad news. Today, they called to confirm the appt. It literally went like this. HI. This is So and So from UT Health confirming your appt on Monday. (Yes.) Great. You need to wear a mask and you have to be alone (Whaaa..) OK. Great! BYE! ***CLICK***
I had to call back and clarify that. I guess they changed their policy between making my appt and today, but it irritated me that she blew through it and then just ended the call, more or less hanging up on me. Now, I have to go face the Big Bad US Machine alone, and tell my partner, nope you don't get to see Baby. And face all the stuff about being old alone. I am so done with COVID-19 and this country's lack of an intelligent response to it.
@aisukurimsarang OMG I'm so sorry. That's horrible especially since you aren't mentally prepared to go solo. Will they let you do a video call during it? That's what my OB's office does. I have my regular 12 week appointment Monday and the NT ultrasound Friday and planning to do the same.
OMG!!! My MIL basically threatened DH yesterday and said she doesn’t want to, but if we don’t start including her more in our kids lives then she will just take us to court because she’s the grandma and she has rights. WTF! Who says that to her kid. And all because we said we didn’t know if we had time next week for her somewhat impromptu idea to come see us in the middle of the week. You know because of work and homeschooling and doctor appointments and trying to maintain a normal schedule for our kids, one of whom has some behavioral and sensory issues. And my other reason: my sister fell down her stairs this week and had to have surgery yesterday to repair the break to her ankle and cannot bear any weight for 6 weeks, but also has 3 kids under 7 and we said we’d help out the next few weeks.... B***H She’s done crappy things like this before and is a manipulative person. But seriously, who threatens to take her own son to court because she thinks it’s more important that our son play with her at the park than do his schoolwork?
I looked into it for our state and there is not really anything she can do because grandparent rights are only legally granted when the parents are not married, the child was born out of wedlock or one of the parents is deceased and none of those apply to our situation.
oh and her other reason: she’s mad because we won’t be traveling to spend the holidays with her...because my husband f-big works on every holiday and doesn’t get much time off of work and said he’s saving as much PTO as he can for when the baby is born and he already took off three days of work for her two weeks ago. F her.
@aisukurimsarang ugh that stinks! Def. the hardest part of the whole covid situation I'm sorry that they sprung that on you. Hopefully you get to video call and hopefully it is all great news! Good luck!
@theletlers WOAH, that is ridiculous. I'm sorry you have to deal with that!! Does she honestly think a threat like that will make you want to spend more time with her???
@theletlers OMG that is next level and sounds like she might have some mental health issues. Seems like something my MIL would have said when she was going through some weird depression-type issues a while ago but not now. She's still ridiculous, don't get me wrong, but that is over the top. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Is she still married to your FIL? Can YH talk to him and see if there's anything else going on that might be concerning? It's disappointing that my brother and SIL never visit for holidays but my brother is in a similar situation to YH with limited time off and still needing to work around holidays so it's hard for them to do and we all understand (it just happens to be the only time that my family goes home so we haven't seen them in 2+ years and haven't met our 2yo nephew and they haven't met our 1yo daughter and probably won't for another year).
@kvh22 as far as holidays go, we literally said we wouldn’t make any for sure plans until closer to time to see how both pregnancy and Covid is because it’s just been such a stressful year. But we could most likely see them sometime around the holidays.
And no, she is currently in husband number 5 and FIL was husband one...so...yeah... DH and I agreed to just not talk to her for a few days. And @theblondebump I know. Like does she realize this makes it take longer. And her temper tantrum and empty threats don’t help anything. I sort of just want to say go ahead, try and sue us when our reasons for only seeing you about every 6 weeks is because of the damn global pandemic and your lack of seriousness over this. And we work and have school schedules to arrange vacations around. She’s pissed me off before, but never like this.
@theletlers OMG! How awful!!! I can’t think of a time when she would have LESS of a chance of winning such an absurd court case than in the middle of a pandemic when we are warned to NOT interact with outside households. I would be enraged at even the mention of that and want to spend even less time with her. How utterly entitled of her. Personally, I don’t think we owe grandparents any “rights” to access our children. Being in their grandchildren’s lives should be a privilege, not a right!
Re: Random Vents
Do you think it will be possible for this weight gain to slow down if I am cautious over the next few weeks?
And wherever that b***h is she better watch her back. Every other momma secretly hates her!
painting, I just watch videos on IG of people painting. I’m annoyed by myself. I’m hoping it’s just an energy issue and that I’ll be more in to my hobbies in the near future.
**Also, I am not making healthy choices right now, I am just eating whatever I can stomach.
kadeephd, that totally makes sense. The more people I talk to the more it varies! I just freak out when I read that I should only be 3 pounds heavier at this point. My weight does fluctuate a lot so I also need to keep that in mind, lol
@mamabee1113 WTF!! Seriously! I’d flip out on her too!!
Also, I've learned that even though TB gives you an error message when you try to post, it actually posts. So when you hit it multiple times, it creates however many discussions. So annoying and they need to fix it ASAP. It's been going on for at least a week (@bumpadmin).
I’m also mildly thankful for covid helping give a reason more than “because I said so” this time. And living closer to family now will make it so easy to tell them to get lost if they show up and I don’t want them there. I think everyone has learned that I’m a fierce mama bear and won’t take anyone’s crap for half a second. It’s my way or gtfo when it comes to my babies. Not. Even. Sorry.
HI. This is So and So from UT Health confirming your appt on Monday. (Yes.) Great. You need to wear a mask and you have to be alone (Whaaa..) OK. Great! BYE! ***CLICK***
I had to call back and clarify that. I guess they changed their policy between making my appt and today, but it irritated me that she blew through it and then just ended the call, more or less hanging up on me. Now, I have to go face the Big Bad US Machine alone, and tell my partner, nope you don't get to see Baby. And face all the stuff about being old alone. I am so done with COVID-19 and this country's lack of an intelligent response to it.
She’s done crappy things like this before and is a manipulative person. But seriously, who threatens to take her own son to court because she thinks it’s more important that our son play with her at the park than do his schoolwork?
I looked into it for our state and there is not really anything she can do because grandparent rights are only legally granted when the parents are not married, the child was born out of wedlock or one of the parents is deceased and none of those apply to our situation.
oh and her other reason: she’s mad because we won’t be traveling to spend the holidays with her...because my husband f-big works on every holiday and doesn’t get much time off of work and said he’s saving as much PTO as he can for when the baby is born and he already took off three days of work for her two weeks ago. F her.
@theletlers WOAH, that is ridiculous. I'm sorry you have to deal with that!! Does she honestly think a threat like that will make you want to spend more time with her???
DH and I agreed to just not talk to her for a few days. And @theblondebump I know. Like does she realize this makes it take longer. And her temper tantrum and empty threats don’t help anything. I sort of just want to say go ahead, try and sue us when our reasons for only seeing you about every 6 weeks is because of the damn global pandemic and your lack of seriousness over this. And we work and have school schedules to arrange vacations around. She’s pissed me off before, but never like this.