April 2021 Moms

Random Vents

12346

Re: Random Vents

  • Ugh insurance is such a racket. I am self employed and pay over $800 a month in premiums for myself and my son. My regular OB visits don’t have a copay but I do pay $40 per US. Since I’m high risk I also see a MFM every month and thats $80 a visit + US.... and somehow none of the copays or US go towards my out of pocket max!! I honestly question if I should skip visits or US to avoid the fees but I worry I’m putting myself and baby at risk. With my first I got a bill for over $15k for genetic testing that was suppose to be covered because I would be over 35 when I delivered but because I was only 34 at the time of the test they denied the claim (even though they told me up front it would be covered.) I spent hours on the phone arguing before they finally covered it. It’s even more frustrating because I work in the medical field and know what stuff actually costs; they inflate it so much when they bill through insurance and it is so wrong! 

    @kadeephd - insurance does this with medical codes as a way to sneak out of paying. A doctor can essentially bill for the same service using a slightly different code and one will be covered and one will not. They make choosing the codes really complicated and the responsibility for billing with the “wrong” code ends up falling on the doctor and insurance will refuse to pay. Sometimes instead of arguing with the insurance company it’s better to go to the provider and ask them to use a different billing code. An ultrasound has like 10 different ways it can be coded. If they won’t give you the codes look in your plan or ask for the specific language of what is covered - for instance “Diagnostic Ultrasound Procedures of the Abdomen” vs “Other diagnostic ultrasound procedures.” It’s so annoying that they make us as consumers do the work!!
  • @jenn622-2  figured it was something sneaky like that.  At my next appointment I told the dr about the issues I was having with the insurance company and she said they could submit preauthorization requests for some of the tests (like @Serenamarr suggested).  The dr assumed the normal NT bloodwork would be covered so didn't submit that one, and assumed the NIPT wouldn't because I'm not 35+ so didn't bother with that one.  They did request preauthorization for two of the tests (the carrier ones).  One was approved and one was denied, so I just got the one that was approved.  I am just holding my breath for when this next lab bill comes.  I hope they cover everything but wouldn't be at all surprised if they don't.  The dr ordered all kinds of tests that we didn't even talk about, like for syphilis, that I assume is standard practice so hopefully it will be covered.

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • Yea, syphilis, hepatitis, HIV and rubella are standard tests they do now because they can cause birth defects/infection and people are often unaware (or lie) about having them. A lot of patients and partners are freaked out when they see that they ran STI tests but it’s standard of care.
  • @kadeephd yes, I agree with @Serenamarr. You could talk to your doctors office and have them do a prior authorization, in which case the insurance company would have to tell you what is covered and what isn't. It's annoying but it might be the only way to deal with your insurance company. 
  • @bblair24 yeah...babies are expensive! With DS1, I had a $3000 deductible to meet for me (which I did as I had to go several times before labor to get checked at night with a HR pregnancy) and then baby had an additional $3000 deductible. And then the day we were going to get induced DH accepted a new job that started a month after baby was born so insurance all restarted and DS1 had to have surgery later that year so it was another $2500 deductible... 
    DS2 wasn’t quite so much, and I’d met my portion earlier that year when I had my appendix out at 22 weeks pregnant. So it was only really L&D and we luckily didn’t have any unplanned complications, just the planned induction and no NICU stay. 

    I need to call and check, but I think almost all of this one is covered, just need to figure out why I’m suddenly not listed on our policy! 

    Also keep in mind the little babies turn into big kids. Just found out DS1 has to have a bunch of dental work done including pulling two molars out and putting space brackets in and a few fillings done, but one is next to where a spacer will go so they need to put a crown on it to support the bracket. The first dentist quoted us at $2500 😩 but luckily a call to insurance helped me figure out a better plan with a different dentist! 
  • My normally angelic 10 month old has been up screaming herself hoarse for 3 hours. We’ve walked all over town. We’ve done frozen teethers. Formula. Breast milk. Tried letting her play. Changed clothes and diaper. Snacks. Her voice is completely shot from screaming and hubby and I are both at the end of our wits. What in the flying f is wrong with her 
  • @Serenamarr I feel like it’s almost worse when it’s your typically good sleeper because you’re so jarred when they aren’t sleeping like normal. I hope she eventually calmed down and you were able to get at least a little bit of sleep before you started your day. Our girls went through sleep regression a couple of times and it was brutal. 
  • The only good thing about having IBD is that there is no guess about how much my medical expenses will be - I hit my family's OOP max every single year. Which makes pregnancy and pediatric care very cheap! This year to date, my insurance has been billed $140k just for my claims. 

    Medical care costs are just insanity, and I agree the billing system is a mess. Even as a provider, costs and what may be covered are very unclear. I often have no idea what I can expect my patients to pay for my services.
  • PGAL Brain is real and it sucks. I've actually managed to convince myself that the heartbeat I hear on my doppler is mine doubled... Which is dumb, because it's between 138 and 148, and my resting heart rate is 95 pregnant. And I'm at 5he stage of pregnancy where I'm STARTING to MAYBE feel movement, but it could just be bubbles. You'd think the 4th time around this would be easier!!! 


  • Had to bring the vents thread back for this. My husband is a notorious asshole in the early morning before he’s fully awake. Like he is just a wretched being whose not actually himself and snaps out of it around 8. Generally I let anything said before 8 slide. Well the kids woke up at 545 today, which meant we were up and I was instantly in “placate the monster” mode to try to salvage our Saturday because his shit mood can easily put our son and me in one too. So I made pancakes and while I was doing this my son wanted to do a small craft. Figured dh could handle sitting there and helping with that. After about 1 minute he throws the stuff down on the table and just says “yeah I don’t want to do this. It’s impossible” .......like...it’s a children’s foam craft................. I said something snarky to which he told me I could shut my mouth. I put the pancakes in front of him and he took one bite and said “these are disgusting.” 

    Not letting it slide today asshole.  
  • @Serenamarr 😳😳. Woah - that pancake would have been his last if that happened in my house. 
  • Woah @Serenamarr. That’s not cool! I understand not being a morning person but that crosses the line. By miles. 😳
  • Agree with the others @Serenamarr! If my DH was that big of an asshole in the early morning, I think I’d probably just let him
    sleep until he can be human. No thanks with that attitude ruining your day!
  • @Serenamarr I’m not even sure how I would react. I’m so sorry he treated you that way. Totally unacceptable regardless of being a morning person or not. 
    Pregnancy Ticker

  • Thanks for the validation y’all. I took an hour to myself and then told him he can’t speak to me like that especially in front of our son and how rude and hurtful it was and that I honestly shouldn’t have to tell him so. He apologized, I think he gets it ... I hope he gets it...
  • @Serenamarr I agree with others -- that is not acceptable behavior.  Sorry he doesn't like getting up early but he has little kids.  It's par for the course.  There is no excuse for being so nasty.

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @Serenamarr I'm glad he apologized. Tell him to take his temper tantrum somewhere else next time!
  • @Serenamarr oooh helll nooo! I think you deserve a morning to sleep in or some other time to yourself to make up for the morning he ruined!!
  • @Serenamarr, time for him to grow up. 
  • @Serenamarr I’d probably do something snarky back like on Friday night this week before bed put a box of pancake mix and griddle and leave it out for him to see on the night stand or his dresser with a note that says “I will entertain DS in the morning. You make the pancakes.” 


    So this feels like I’m repeating a vent from awhile back, but MIL informed us this weekend they are leaving tomorrow to go to Florida for three weeks and will plan on coming back a few days before we had planned a one day trip to see them in the middle of December as a way to space out seeing family for holidays. She claims they are going to get away from civilization and just hide away in an empty house, yet I’ve seen her ask at least three people in different states along they way if they can meet to see them on their drive. 
    I’ve decided to just leave it alone for now and say something the day before that we will just be doing a social distance visit with her and no hugs/kisses. And we will just plan on wearing our masks and just letting her deal with her own emotions after that. She thinks she had covid last fall (like September 2019) so she can’t get it again.
  • @theletlers oh boy. If memory serves September is well before the first COVID case in Washington state was identified. I don't blame you for being annoyed and for deciding that she will have to live with the consequences of her actions. 
  • @bbrahmbhatt I think I’m just tired of feeling like it’s my job to make her understand that her life choices affect our relationship to her. 
  • @Serenamarr late to seeing this but yea, I'd be pissed! I always get mad when my husband claims he is tired, I want to be like um yeah, me too bro! I just pull it together because we have to. 

    @theletlers that is so frustrating. I would feel the same way, you summed it up the best with "her life choices affect our relationship to her"

  • @theletlers You are being generous to even go for the socially distant visit.  That is so frustrating -- I'm sorry.

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • NBR - Am I Wrong Here?

    I have a 24yo daughter who has graduated college. I think it's time for her to live her own life: move out, fall in love, get heart broken, have her own rules, make friends, etc. Don't get me wrong. I do NOT want to kick her out. Her life is currently on hold, just like everyone else. But, I want her to do more than work at the local grocery store part time and live in my house until WE die and SHE inherits. My mother says I'm being irrational.

    She says my 24yo daughter has done more with her life since graduating college than my SO or I had done by 24yo, simply by having lived in Taiwan (studying) and China (teaching) for a year each. Even though she's never really moved out. OK, Mom... Let's rethink this... 

    At 24, I had a career in IT, was working at Southwest Airlines for 3 years, living in my own place, in a different city, traveled to almost every state in the country, and was a single mother to a 5yo. Which my mother denied me doing, except for the DD1 part. SO had been in the Marines for 5 years at this point, fought in Afghanistan, and had been to several countries, and had an apt on the beach in Pendleton. 

    Am I missing something here? Isn't THAT having your own life? 
  • @aisukurimsarang I think it’s Ok to help if it’s needed, but if the motivation’s not there due to making things comfy and enabling, then it’s time. I’ve always been very independent (definitely not as independent and responsible as you were though!) and haven’t lived with my parents since I was 17.  Don’t get me wrong, they helped me get through college, but after that it was on me. Again, it’s a very different time - it was much easier to find a job out of college when I graduated, but I think a gentle nudge couldn’t hurt. So, no, you’re not delusional. 
  • @aisukurimsarang I don’t think you are being irrational. I’m surprised that she would want to live with you at 24. As soon as it’s safe in your area for her to pursue other living options, I’d definitely encourage her to do that. And she should be pursuing full time employment. Unless she has a disability or other valid reason for not working full time, that’s not acceptable.
  • agree with @juliebird6 ( @aisukurimsarang ). I think your support is wonderful but a nudge when the world is different and things are safer is a good idea, or one now to get her thinking about what's coming for planning purposes. She sounds like an awesome young woman who has done a lot, but this weird Covid world we are living in might be halting her longer than it should be and she may not have the perspective yet to be aware of that
  • Thank you, all. I thought I was losing my skull. We have a 4 bedroom, 3 bathnhouse, and that's plenty of room, but part of it depends on her moving out at SOME point, and moving DD2 into THAT room. We have time. DS2 and DD2 can share for a few years. She Is TEFL certified, and wants to teach in Germany. Which is why COVID-19 put everything on hold. It's not like I'm trying to throw her out. I'm not even going to nudge her until the world stabilizes a bit. All I said to my mom was if she's still here in a few years, SO and I are going to give her a gentle nudge. Ugh
  • @aisukurimsarang definitely agree with @juliebird6, she put it so well! I think it's certainly ok to help the transition. But if you start talking about it now, maybe she will have a plan in place and be excited about it by the time it is safe to do so! 
  • @aisukurimsarang i don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to expect what sounds like a very intelligent and capable adult to reach their potential, which often involves some uncomfortable decisions. Also wanted to say it’s ok to feel some resentment towards still having her in the house. It’s what you have to do in the state of the world but it obviously wasn’t the original plan so it’s ok to have feelings about it. My in-laws just arrived to live with us for a month. My motto to all family is my home is your home no questions. But does that mean I’m not annoyed by it/not gonna complain about my MIL? You bet I am. 

    Day 1 she disassembled and reassembled my sons chair because we “put it together wrong”. It looks the same. She reorganized his pajama drawer because “how do you even find things in there” and changed the configuration inside our dishwasher. My son has no school this week so he’s been sleeping a little later (like 730 instead of 630). But every morning I’ve been woken up by her either singing in the kitchen or clanging plates because it is necessary apparently to empty the dishwasher at 7 am. Our daughters nursery is downstairs next to our room, and the living room is right next to it. She insists on watching tv in there at full volume despite our suggestions to use the closed captioning until 11 pm. There is a tv in her room, the upstairs living room, and we have a freaking theater room in our house. There are literally 6 other places she could watch Netflix in this house but she chooses the only tv with a dvr so I watched my shows on my phone in my room praying they baby wouldn’t wake up. 
    All that aside the NUMBER ONE thing that gets on my nerves is when she parents my son while I am in the room. Like telling him he can’t have a snack I just told him he could have... or reprimanding him to be quiet or sit up or move away from the tv or forcing him to watch her make a fucking pie. Or insisting she be the one to tuck him in for bed. She micromanages every single possible thing like reloading the dishwasher after I load it or literally standing over my husbands shoulder while he was cutting the turkey today telling him don’t do it like that and taking the knife. She gets on his nerves horribly but he won’t be rude to her so he directs his dick comments to me instead. They’re here til at least mid December and I’m bound to lose it at some point. I’ll blame the hormones 🤷🏼‍♀️


  • @Serenamarr ughhhhh she sounds terrible! I don’t think I could have someone like that in my house for weeks at a time!
  • @Serenamarr oh hell no. To all of that. How much longer is she there?  
  • @Serenamarr zero percent. I would be so mad! The parenting thing would be so hard for me to keep my mouth shut on, and if anyone touches how I configure the dishwasher it's a deal breaker.
  • @serenamarr props to you for not losing it on her yet! There's no way I would have made it through even just the weekend with shit like that. 
  • edited November 2020
    @Serenamarr, ugh. I cannot stand my NMIL, because she's so over bearing, always telling me how to raise DS2, completely disregarding I've done this twice before, and more recently than 1977. She criticizes everything from the way we cook, to how we dress DS2 in the 105 degree heat (he's going to get COLD!) to how we decorated our library (she would like to replace my Disneyland 50th Anniversary hand signed Thomas Kincade with the paint by numbers she did). 

    And get this! When I was in labor, we told everyone not to come to the hospital, that we'd call when he was born, and would accept visitors the second day. She shows up, while I'm in labor, drags SO off so she can complain about one his sister's for NINETY minutes, until I call him and I'm like, honey... Please come back. Then, she leaves, doesn't come back the entire time I'm in the MBU, and doesn't see her grandson for 2 weeks. 

    I've told SO she can go live with one of his sisters, preferably the one without a partner or kids, who also needs help with the mortgage in the 2020 job market. Our house is full. 

    Yours sounds like a peach, tho! There is no way to end the visit early? Just pack up their bags and leave them outside? Maybe change all the locks? Don't answer the door? Send them grocery shopping, then move? 
  • @Serenamarr sigh and sympathies! I feel ya. We actually live with my parents currently. I’d say 90% of the time it’s good and peaceful, but the ten percent that bothers me the most is when my mom or dad parent over me with my kids. At least they leave in a few weeks though, right!  
  • @Serenamarr OH HELL NO.  You are a saint, because I would have already gone off, on her and MH. I hope she shapes up soon; you don't need this kind of stress!
  • Thanks all. She’s definitely not the worst, she does genuinely care about us and the kids at least, and we can tolerate her in small doses, it’s just her entire ENERGY is stressful like it’s so hard to just dissociate from... I kid you not guys she decided she was going to make chicken soup for dinner and followed me INTO MY MASTER BATHROOM and tried to ask me if I had chicken broth instead of stock WHILE PEE WAS EXITING MY BODY. I had to literally say please hold on I’m peeing.... she tried to continue talking I had to say AGAIN can you please just give me one minute I’m in the bathroom!!!!!!!!!
  • @aisukurimsarang Hopefully she'll be able to make the Germany thing happen once Covid is under control.  I personally would not nudge her right now since I think it might be a really isolating experience to move to a new city by yourself at the moment.

    @Serenamarr omg I would not know what to do with that woman. 

    Is anyone else constantly getting "page unresponsive" warnings from TB?  It's really frustrating and makes it hard to use the website. 

    Pregnancy Ticker
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