@theletlers, holy cow!! She done gone completely round the bend! She can't really do much. Your state sounds a lot like mine. Grandparents rights are only granted if one parent is deceased
@kvh22, I'm going to record it. He works nights, so I'll let him sleep and call him afterwards. I'm also going to talk to my OB after and see if I can go back to the other clinic. I really liked them a lot, and they're attached to the hospital I'll deliver at. Like physically attached, connected by a sky bridge. 😁
@theletlers what?! She’s the grandma, not the mom or dad. She literally has zero rights. Threats like that would make me cut her out completely. She’s lucky you’re more patient than I am.
@aisukurimsarang I'm sorry you have to go alone, and that you were told in such a crappy way! I hope your appointment goes well.
@theletlers wow... just wow. I would flip the F out if my MIL said something like that. "Grandparents' rights" are not a thing. You can be in your grandchildren's lives or don't. Make an effort (which clearly she is, albeit in an obnoxious and heavy-handed and inappropriate way) and work with the parents - and that includes working with their schedules and being mindful of their other commitments! What a piece of work. I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. It makes me thankful for the ILs who just pretend we don't exist.
@aisukurimsarang ugh, this is definitely the most frustrating thing about COVID and pregnancy! I was in a similar situation as @kvh22, MH sat out in the car and we were on face time. It's not perfect by any means, but at least he was still there, and got to participate to the extent that we could.
@theletlers OMG I can't believe that! She actually sounds a lot like my biological mom (whom I don't have a relationship with). Dealing with someone like that is so emotionally draining; I'm so sorry you're going through this! I hope the temporary distance brings you some peace.
OMG!!!! So DH told his mom yesterday that he works overtime the next I sure how many days because a coworker has to wait to come back until he has a negative covid test so we would talk to her next week about this. So he gets up this morning to a text saying “we are driving up there today and staying the night. I hope I get to see the kids.”
WTF! And DH won’t even be here because he will be at work. FML.... my patience for this woman is gone.
@theblondebump luckily we live at my parents house and there isn’t any room for them here (we squeeze into the basement!) and I’m not sure if she actually knows how to get here. We’ve just met them at a park for the day when they came up over the summer. I don’t know if I should just be rude now before they drive up and tell them to not waste their time or just ignore them and when she tries to call later DH will be at work and I can just simply not answer or say we are busy. I can’t tell which one is more of the high road because if I talk to her now I don’t know if I can manage to be halfway polite or not. I hate family drama!
@theletlers, WOW! That is insanity. Obviously, she has no case but I would be so DONE with that family. IMO, you are a saint for not filing a restraining order. I would not want someone like that anywhere near my family. Because I am that petty!
I sent her a very direct and frank message basically saying my kid with some extra needs cannot have her coming unexpectedly during our homeschool stretch and spiraling his behavior out of control (and believe me she does!) And while respect her choice to not follow safety guidelines regarding covid we do and are limiting our social gatherings to those who wear masks and don’t travel as much as they do. She replied with a very snippy answer and I ignored it. And now I am going to enjoy a Saturday with my kids and bake cookies this afternoon and not think about her if I can help it. I hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend!
@theletlers I just can’t even with entitled in laws! I totally feel for you and get it, mine suck too, but never have I ever to the level of MIL threatening to sue for grandparents rights! You truly are a saint because like some of the other mamas said, that wouldn’t be making me feel like putting in any kind of effort with her whatsoever! I’d be slapping her with a restraining order and going no contact in a second. I hope she pulls her head out of her you know what and stops stepping on your mama toes
@aisukurimsarang I’m sorry your appointment doesn’t get to go the way you originally had it set up and you have go alone. It kinda makes no sense to me why they don’t let partners in. We all quarantine and social distance with our households (partners included) so..? I follow all the guidelines and precautions and this still doesn’t make sense to me as a medical professional. I wish you all the best at your appt tomorrow.
@theletlers just seeing this now- not trivial at all! I hope you've gotten some self care- it's so hard when you have to self advocate because mama usually comes last
OMG edit because I just kept reading the thread and saw the MIL drama- wtf!! She sounds next level!!
I just discovered a bonus to COVID-19 hospital restrictions. With my last pregnancy, we told everyone that L&D was going to be private, just SO and me, but after the first night in MBU, we would welcome any visitors. Guess who shows up uninvited whole I'm in labor? NMIL! She then demands SO go with her for coffee. I'm like, OK, sure, the coffee stall is right out side L&D. 90m later, they still aren't back. I get a text, "Hey, honey, need anything?" YES, YOU TO COME BACK. So, he comes back, alone. Turns out the whole reason she showed up was to complain about his older sister. Didn't ask how I was doing. Didn't ask if he was excited about being a dad. Did ask, again, if he was sure he's the father. NONE of his family came to see the baby. All she wanted to do was intrude on a deeply personal and important event.
This year, only one named support person (SO) can be in L&D, and only 1 named adult visitor in MBU (besides the support person). We're naming my daughter, so she can bring her siblings. NMIL can show up, but she ain't being let in!!
@aisukurimsarang well that’s a plus for sure! When DS1 was born he went straight to the NICU. Both my mom and MIL were irritated the nurse wouldn’t let them go into the NICU before me, but I had to wait an hour after delivery to get up and get cleaned up. I was always glad when nurses were the ones to deflect for me. I just told them who I wanted there and not there (so husband and no one else) and they would make up reasons why no one could come in. But “sorry I can’t have any visitors” is an even better reason. Can’t even get in the doors to the building.
So I have been pretty good about working out throughout this pregnancy. I am 12.5 weeks and I am getting to the point where I am worried about doing abs/crunches. Most stuff I have read says they are still fine in the first trimester (which I am in). Anyone have experience with abs work and pregnancy, I want them to be as strong as possible before I deliver but I want to avoid separation or anything dangerous.
@lbonista I had two days of vaginal bleeding and cramping at 6w that began about 3 hours after doing bicycle crunches with my son.
I will never definitively know if the two were related, but it was the only time in either pregnancy that I “forgot” and did crunches.
I did general weight lifting throughout most of my first pregnancy which I think helped my core and pelvic floor. I did not develop DR and don’t have any stress incontinence issues after pushing 4.5 hours.
My vent is about how stinkin expensive maternity clothes are. I mean, this isn’t news to me, seeing as this is my fourth time being pregnant 😜 But I was doing a Target pick up order last week - maternity leggings were $30 and non-maternity were $10. So unfair! I suppose a follow-up vent would be that I donated alllll of my maternity clothes (except for a couple capri-length yoga pants that are now covered in paint) when we moved here a few years ago. Definitely regret that decision!
@lbonista I am a certified personal trainer and I recommend that you skip crunches even when you're not pregnant. They're bad for your neck and they only work one small portion of your midsection. You're better off training your entire core. Good pregnancy moves are planks (including side planks), bird dogs, kneeling oblique crunches, glute bridges (as long as you can tolerate them), and any standing core work that doesn't involve jerking.
@bblair24 Yes! I am with you on that vent. This is my 3rd pregnancy and I gave away all of my maternity clothes after I had baby #2 3 years ago. Why do we pay a price premium for about 9 months of wear?? I miss having maternity sections and stores where I could raid the clearance rack.
@Mamallamallama I miss having maternity sections in stores too! I really haven't done much in-person shopping at all. I did some research this morning and there's a nearby consignment store that had some maternity stuff my size listed, so I guess I should probably check that out. After I posted last night I found some leggings and shirts on walmart's website - I got two pairs of leggings and two plain t-shirts all for $35, compared to the one pair of Target leggings for $30. So I bought those. But you're so right - I feel like we get punished for needing to buy clothes with extra belly room to wear for like half a year!
@juliebird6, my partner and I are not legally married due to various legal and financial reasons. (like my credit sucks, and because we aren't OFFICIALLY married we got a really good interest rate on our house.) TL;DR NMIL stands for NOT Mother In Law, lol. MBU stand for Mother Baby Unit.
Side note, because my mother worried what would happen if we broke up or one of us died, Texas still recognizes us AS married, so we get the perks (and protections). Almost a win win really.
@bblair24, I am so with you on the maternity clothes. I kept my pants just in case we conceived again before I turned 44, but they were the only two pair I could find. I stole all my sister's "tall and curvy" Lularoe to use, which added 4 pairs of pants to my wardeobe. I donated all my tops, tho.
I just bought a bunch of maternity clothes on ThredUP for half price and they are all in near-new or really good condition. I assume most people only wore maternity clothes for a few months so they don’t get as worn as other clothes.
@bblair24 motherhood maternity site was having a crazy sale the other day, not sure if it’s still on, but I got 7 shirts, leggings and 2 dresses all for $50. The leggings were $10.
My best friend and I keep all our maternity clothes and just pass them back and forth as needed. She has 2 kids and this will be my third so we’re getting a lot of miles out of the stuff. It is kind of funny since it’s been about 6 years since my first to see how our styles have changed and how quickly things go “out of style” lol.
@jenn622-2 I’m glad to hear that you had good luck with ThredUP! I actually downloaded the app several weeks ago and was pleasantly surprised at how cheap things were. Like I almost didn’t believe it was legit 😂
@Serenamarr, thanks for the heads up - I’ll check to see if the sale is still going on! You’re smart to hang on to stuff and share it with your friend. It makes me sad to think of all the nice things I gave away!
I'm just jumping in on the last page here. I have been kinda bad at keeping up on this board. Work has just been non stop madness lately.
aisukurimsarang I am also pretty happy about restricted visitors for delivery. I just asked for the first hour after the delivery for bonding and to try nursing. I had a too long (2 and a 1/2 day) delivery and both sets of parents visited despite me not wanting to entertain while I am having contractions. And then the inlaws camped out after we decided to move to a c section.
@lbonista I specifically asked my OB about ab exercises and she said to keep doing anything that was still comfortable to do.
@lbonista I work out a lot too and feel like weight training keeps my core strong (at least with DS). I skip things like crunches but do work really hard to engage my core, breathing, and pelvic floor carefully when lifting!
@Serenamarr and @bblair24 I also purged (most) all of my maternity clothes from last time. 😣 This time quarantine is really helping and I don’t feel like I need as much since I really don’t leave the house a lot. I got like 7 shirts when they were on sale at the gap and people are just going to have to get used to me washing and rewearing the same outfits over and over again until May.
Gosh I am just happy that all of the above was written... it seems like just for me. First- I don’t think men totally grasp that maybe we just want our mom... we’re the ones that go through all of the true changes and deal with the stress constantly. They don’t understand a “risk” doesn’t just disappear- like things are not always just rainbows and butterflies!
Second- the in-laws. Ugh. Great people I am very lucky that they have such a tight family unit.... but also space will be required. I’m lucky bc SIL (their actual daughter) is giving birth about a month before... so I’m hoping their time is taken there for a bit. With previous loss I asked to be left alone and literally 30 min later a doorbell and everyone is over. Maybe I just wanted to cry alone... or have MY MOM there. Good intentions just off putting.
Third- as for Covid... where to even start. Some things are more relaxed but also being high risk I’m not willing to risk that. I don’t want to deal with everyone out and about thinking that they can just swing on by. Did I mention IL’s are trying to move.... but their place isn’t ready until spring. Where are they going to go with both us and BIL/SIL pregnant. I hope they understand they will need to find a place to rent for a short time bc how rude would it be to assume you’ll be here. A SHORT stay- I’m talking week, maybe. I’m still working from home so you cannot take that from me since I know what’s coming. We’ve already been told they’ll be homeless for the holidays fml
@allthingsbarbie my in laws also are moving! Their new house won’t be ready until December In PA and they’ve been staying at their condo in SC. Both of my husbands brothers live down the street from them in pa, but no one offered to let them stay. They needed to go up just for a weekend to do a walk through and DHs brother’s wife made a big stink about them even staying 2 days! We’re in Texas so it wasn’t really an option. My MIL can be a handful but seeing how poorly they’re treated by the family who actually is there has made me a little sympathetic. But even she would never ASSUME to be staying somewhere especially with a new baby or baby on the way.
I am now entering my 12th week of pregnancy and I vomited for the first time last night (brushing my teeth). I had nausea and dry heaves during the first trimester but never threw up. Now all of the sudden I can barely keep things down. I though the nausea was supposed to die down at 12 weeks, not get worse?! Anyone else have this happen? With DD I threw up once at like 6 weeks and had very little nausea.
@Serenamarr I agree and I think it would be okay with some ground rules & a cut off date. However there hasn’t been a true conversation and that’s what I’m afraid of. Like what is your vision for the near future & the plans? I’m working from home still so to have two people and another dog would be a tough one.
@aguamala well I was one of the unfortunates to suffer most of the first trimester with it! And while it’s definitely better it’s not gone by any means. With my first pregnancy I had bad it until I was about 18/19 weeks and then a few weeks break and then it started back, but not as badly at the third trimester when my contractions started.
With DS 2, I had it all of first and then just random times I’d have it the rest of the pregnancy. I don’t really think there’s a good explanation for whenever it happens!
@theletlers wow that's terrible I'm sorry. I feel like there are so many different things that can trigger it: nausea, gross smells, gag reflex (brushing teeth), indigestion, and the fact that your stomach is getting pushed on the bigger babe gets. Hard to create a comprehensive guide to why and when it happens.
Re: Random Vents
@theletlers wow... just wow. I would flip the F out if my MIL said something like that. "Grandparents' rights" are not a thing. You can be in your grandchildren's lives or don't. Make an effort (which clearly she is, albeit in an obnoxious and heavy-handed and inappropriate way) and work with the parents - and that includes working with their schedules and being mindful of their other commitments! What a piece of work. I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that. It makes me thankful for the ILs who just pretend we don't exist.
@theletlers OMG I can't believe that! She actually sounds a lot like my biological mom (whom I don't have a relationship with). Dealing with someone like that is so emotionally draining; I'm so sorry you're going through this! I hope the temporary distance brings you some peace.
OMG edit because I just kept reading the thread and saw the MIL drama- wtf!! She sounds next level!!
This year, only one named support person (SO) can be in L&D, and only 1 named adult visitor in MBU (besides the support person). We're naming my daughter, so she can bring her siblings. NMIL can show up, but she ain't being let in!!
I will never definitively know if the two were related, but it was the only time in either pregnancy that I “forgot” and did crunches.
Yes! I am with you on that vent. This is my 3rd pregnancy and I gave away all of my maternity clothes after I had baby #2 3 years ago. Why do we pay a price premium for about 9 months of wear?? I miss having maternity sections and stores where I could raid the clearance rack.
Side note, because my mother worried what would happen if we broke up or one of us died, Texas still recognizes us AS married, so we get the perks (and protections). Almost a win win really.
My best friend and I keep all our maternity clothes and just pass them back and forth as needed. She has 2 kids and this will be my third so we’re getting a lot of miles out of the stuff. It is kind of funny since it’s been about 6 years since my first to see how our styles have changed and how quickly things go “out of style” lol.
@Serenamarr, thanks for the heads up - I’ll check to see if the sale is still going on! You’re smart to hang on to stuff and share it with your friend. It makes me sad to think of all the nice things I gave away!
aisukurimsarang I am also pretty happy about restricted visitors for delivery. I just asked for the first hour after the delivery for bonding and to try nursing. I had a too long (2 and a 1/2 day) delivery and both sets of parents visited despite me not wanting to entertain while I am having contractions. And then the inlaws camped out after we decided to move to a c section.
@lbonista I specifically asked my OB about ab exercises and she said to keep doing anything that was still comfortable to do.