Are you using a pillow for your legs? I'm a stomach sleeper with hip and back problems, so my sleep tanked as soon as my abdomen got rigid. I got a foldable pregnancy pillow for my knees. It's been a godsend!
Can we talk about MILs for minute? Because mine is making me want to punch a wall. A little history: I come from a large family (I have two brothers and two sisters), and have been an aunt since I was 13 yrs old. In total, my mom has 7 grandchildren so far. Now, MH has two brothers who are both married but have no children, so this is the first grandchild on that side of the family. The fact that she is a girl and my MIL has only sons is only making this worse. She is projecting so much onto us and our daughter who isn't even born yet, and it's driving me insane.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love and adore my in-laws. I am so thankful to have such amazing in-laws who are warm and kind, because I've seen and heard horror stories of horrendous in-laws, so I know how fortunate I am to have these wonderful people who love me as one of their own.
However, the constant texts about, "I'm buying her this" or "You should sign her up for horseback-riding lessons" or "You should play this cheesy country song for the belly" and "Here's this super-duper girly pink outfit, what do you think?" Like, pump the brakes, please.
I feel like a horrible person for feeling this way, and I don't know how to tell her to please back off, it's just overwhelming that's it's constant 24/7. I'd rather her save their money and let us handle all of that stuff, but I also don't want to squash her excitement, either. It's such a fine line.
I'm sorry @babyodo that's tough. That's one of the biggest reasons we were team green with our first (and wanted to do it again just because it was fun this time). It made all the family members kind of take a step back and not go overboard, at least until the baby was out! Do you have a registry yet you can try to point her to subtly instead of all the random other stuff she's trying to buy? I'd probably just been pretty short with replies to the other stuff like "one step at a time" or something. It's tough not too feel like you are squashing her excitement though.
We do have a registry assembled, but haven't finished it yet. I think I may forward it to her just to abate her for now. It doesn't help that they live far away, so it's not like we see them everyday like his other brothers do (well, they did before the pandemic).
I've mostly just been deferring to MH since she's his mom, but it's getting excessive to the point where she's just texting me directly instead of us both in one text. It's a delicate matter, for sure.
And I 100% would have been fine remaining team green (my mom was with all her pregnancies), but MH was all about finding out as soon as possible, so when my OB put me in for a NIPT, his first question was to confirm that we would be finding out the baby's sex with those results. So, I let it ride. Ugh. Big mistake.
ETA: they were the ones who bought our travel system that arrived over the weekend. I thought that would satiate them for a while, but it hasn't. I think partly because it's black & grey, so it's not identifiably girly, which probably made it lose its luster to them, I dunno.
@babyodo I get the ILs being far away. Mine are out of state too, and we only see then about twice a year. Maybe sending her a list of more fun clothing items that you are looking for or plan to need or some nursery items with a color or theme to keep her from going crazy frilly (newborns don't need much, so that's tricky) would make her feel more involved in that way. That's what I always do to my parents even though they always go overboard still, it's at least things we need. I don't talk directly much to my ILs and they usually email, so it doesn't feel as demanding, but I would probably slow my replies to try to get her to chill a little bit. I totally get that that is passive aggressive, but is honestly just what I would probably do. 🤷
@aefsparrow I used a snoodle (? Is that right?) for my previous pregnancy but this time it was just too much for me. So I’ve gone to the boppy pillow this time. It makes a world of difference for my hips. Ok Sunday I could barely walk because my hips hurt so bad, then my new pillow arrived and I haven’t had pain since. I am a side sleeper always—pregnant or not.
@babyodo Sorry, in-laws are tough!! My husband can probably relate more than I can though. That was 100% my mom during my first pregnancy. First grandchild. I didn’t mind so much because A) it was my mom, my husband got unexpectedly laid off and was unemployed, and C) I knew they could afford it. With his parents, the hardest thing we’ve had to deal with is appropriate times for them to travel (they live in the Midwest, we are on the west coast) and often the things they buy are inappropriate. Meaning, here’s a toy car with tiny pieces for your 1-yr-old! Or, here’s some winter clothes that he will probably not fit into until the height of summer! It is frustrating, but I just try to remind myself to be grateful, because it means they were thinking about my kid and wanted to send him something. Also, it represents a much bigger cost for them proportionally. At the moment I am stressed because they are not wanting to cancel their trip for the end of the month. I do not want them coming because of the pandemic and how casually they’re taking it. 😳😬😷
I love CBD products, but my pediatric NP friend sent me articles that the fetal endocannabinoid system readily absorbs it much more than we do so I’m avoiding it while pregnant.
@babyodo I know the feeling, my MIL is being a little overbearing right now. I’ve always had a tough relationship with her, she’s super emotional and needs every single interaction to be a big mother-daughter moment between us (every time we see her she has to state that she is so happy that I’m her daughter-in-love even though we’ve already been married for over 3 years) and that’s not the relationship I want with her. Most every conversation we’ve had with her has been about the baby, she’s been worried that because we haven’t been seeing her because of staying at home that the baby won’t know her voice (I’m only 17 weeks along), every time we’ve talked she’s bugged me about picking a “special lullaby” for the baby and that I need to start singing it to the baby now so that it’ll know the song when it’s born. Honestly I’ve kind of been happy we haven’t had to interact with her that much because of self-isolating, we live in the same city and usually see his parents at least once a week. If we’d been doing that for the last few months I would have probably gotten upset with her by now.
@babyodo oof that's tough, it's hard to navigate the guilty feelings when the conflict comes from her genuine excitement. All I can recommend is honest dialogue with her, something that's helped me is to ask myself if I'd want me child subjected to being smothered in attention that made them uncomfortable, would I encourage them to let someone else do whatever they wanted because they're just excited? No, I wouldn't. Boundaries are important, if you want a little more space, tell her that! Your comfort is worth prioritizing!❤️ That said, I know sometimes an honest conversation or 5 won't make any difference to someone who cares more about themselves and what they want over what you want because that's how my MIL is. Our comfort and preferences for our babies isn't a concept she can understand when her priority is herself and doing what she wants makes her happy, she's not interested in what we want as parents so I refuse to play that game, so she won't be able to know about this baby until closer to October so I have to deal with her as little as possible.
I'm the worst at keeping up here. I used to check while working but now I'm watching a kid and working at the same time and it's a struggle.
I started watching Married at First Sight (judge away 😂) while I work before DD wakes up/during her "nap" (very bitter she's been resisting naps 99% of the time) and I'm obsessed, lol. I watched season 9 then 10...then went back to 1 and 2 and I don't like the early ones as much. But it's easy to watch and I don't have to pay full attention so it works for me.
@MJDsquared I literally am obsessed with Married at First Sight. It is one of my guilty pleasures. Anytime I watch it I tell DH that I'm going to watch my trash TV hahaha
@baseballismyfavoriteseason I don’t think the cheesecake will be long for this world, though I should probably pace myself. And maybe share with MH. Haha
@calliah I saw a recipe for a peach crumble cheesecake and now I really want to make that... But first I have to make a belated lemon meringue pie for my FIL's birthday.
@aefsparrow good if you need help with the kid--my parents live 3 hours away and I hate making that "help!" phone call and making them drive up. Bad if you don't like your MIL or if she's not helpful. Lol
@JLaVO888 I was wondering where you were! Hope everything is okay!
I have a ton of close friends and my SIL close by... my MIL tends to take EVERYTHING personally and if we set boundaries or dont invite her to things she gets super passive aggressive about it and acts like we hate her. Luckily my mom will be here for the first few weeks after birth to help out and help me build boundaries.
Ooohhh! We’re talking MILs?!? Mine lives in Atlanta (we’re in Seattle), and I know they have issues with me. I’m the second white girl their son has married (Indian family). But, unlike his first wife, I’ve given them grandchildren. But....I’ve also kept their son here in Seattle vs moving back to Atlanta. My husband never wanted to move back, but almost did right before he met me, and I think they resent me for that. She’s a great cook, and I know she means well. She’s just...a lot. Both my in-laws are.
Our sweet Mia is having her puppies right now!! I was blow drying my hair when these photos came through from her owner! 😍 Two females so far! I can’t wait to see how many she ends up having. 💕
Rant ahead. My sister has been making rude comments about my bump first she was calling it a pooch and now she's telling me I'm too small for her to take maternity photos when I (tentatively, watching how things go with states opening up) see her next month. With twins you're not supposed to travel after 24 weeks so it'll literally be the only time I might get to see my family before the twins arrive. I feel like I've done a really good job the last two months dealing with my first pregnancy with all the quarantining and COVID nonsense, but I was sobbing this morning because I'm already scared there's something wrong because I’m so small and I don’t need anyone’s negativity about my body.
@mckjacks everyone carries babies differently... everyone... it can be everything from the tilt of your uterus to the strength/structure of your abdominal muscles to the depth and build of your pelvis... tell her if she wants "good" maternity photos she should have her own. Side note... how are you travelling and what precautions are you planning? I'm hoping to do the same at the end of June to see my mom... she's in TN and I'm in NM.
@mckjacks I'm sorry, that's so frustrating. I was incredibly small (bumpwise) with my last pregnancy even though I gained an appropriate amount of weight and am a healthy weight normally (aka I should have had a good bump!). I had coworkers telling me I couldn't be more than 6 months pregnant literally the week before my due date. It did mess with my mind, but I delivered a healthy 7 lb baby. Lots of people struggle with the opposite (the "you look like you could pop any day" type comments months in advance), so I always felt like I was being silly for wanting to look more pregnant--but I did! All this to say, your feelings are valid and I understand! Are you close enough to your sister to explain how this is upsetting you and your worries? Maybe she could travel to you for pictures later in the pregnancy if you don't feel up to maternity photos by the time you see her? Or have someone local do some instead?
@aefsparrow thank you! I've tried to tell myself that it's just how my body is, but every week that goes by that I don't "pop" has been more discouraging to me and I finally hit my breaking point today. She has 5 kids and I honestly think she's a little jealous that I'm pregnant and she's done having babies. And like... so what if I'm not as big as house when I take my maternity photos?! Why wouldn't you want to do something nice for you baby sister??? Ugh *eye roll*
Tentatively, I'll be meeting my parents and traveling by car with them since it's like 14 hour trip and I don't want to fly. I've been quarantined for 2 months and so have they and everyone in their home has been really good about taking precautions because my mom has a compromised immune system. And then once I'm there I plan on spending most of our time outside. Of course, if things start sky rocketing as places open up then the plan will have to be nixed. Their town is much smaller and have not been hit hard by COVID. Eventually we have to start integrating back into society, but I'm still pretty anxious about how things will go in the next few weeks.
@mckjacks Does your sister have any kids? I'm asking because usually people who have gone through pregnancy are a little more aware of how hurtful/harmful those types of comments can be. There is a variation in shape and size of baby bumps. I've never had twins, but with my first pregnancy, I got a lot of comments about my baby bump being small. Someone even told me that she thought I was only 5 months pregnant when I was 39 weeks pregnant. I carried baby really far back and I have a long torso, so my baby bump wasn't as noticeable as other pregnant women. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and he was big. This pregnancy, I'm pre-stretched, so my baby bump looks gigantic to me at this point.
@mckjacks - I think you are fully justified in being upset with her. Does she not realize that being pregnant with multiples is vastly different than a singleton? And if I were you, I would totally want to have maternity pics done with the cutesy preggo belly rather than the super big one that'll come a lot sooner than with a non-multiples pregnancy (I hope that makes sense, I've been working all day lol).
I'm not saying you should do this, but it might be a good idea to find someone else to do your maternity pics. Save your sanity.
I come here to catch up and leave wanting cheesecake. After I just finished a batch of lemon bars and am thinking about the ice cream sandwiches in my freezer. Help lol
I did talk to her when she made the first comment, but apparently that didn't make her think about her future comments. She's a great photographer (used to have her own business) and we're trying really hard to save money with there being two. She's, generally speaking, supportive and excited for me and loves babies and pregnancy, but she has her quirks. I talked to my mom and one of our other sisters and I think we're all just chalking it up to some jealousy on her part. She's much older than me and done having babies.
And... like, I can feel my uterus right at my belly button now, so I know I'm getting there, but just not popping yet. So I just feel like I still look fat and not have that cute belly I've been waiting for. And would love to have photos done before I do get really big and don't want to move around (because I know that day is coming with twins).
@mckjacks all the hugs to you. I read something that said "popping" late can be due to strong abdominal muscles (and partly why STMs show earlier is bc our ab muscles have been stretched apart once already). So maybe you can just tell your sister you have abs of steel. 😉 There's a good chance you will still see a big difference in the next month, especially with twins! My sister is currently battling with the fact that she needs to be done having kids for her health (but emotionally wants more), so I've been struggling with some of the jealousy with her as well. I hope things work themselves out with time and you are able to have a wonderful trip to see your family!
I just cried because my husband wanted to talk about the seeds for our garden not germinating... like sobs... I literally yelled 'f&@(ing hormones' as I broke down into tears because I didnt want my husband to have to worry about the garden... he was so confused...
Guys, the Bump has just been PAINFUL! I have not been able to load ANYTHING from my phone or mobile browser. I tried my laptop today since work is finally slowing down and OMG it takes about 3 minutes to load a page. So I am so sorry I have been MIA!
As I said I am finally be able to breathe a little after pretty much 6 full weeks. I quit teaching fitness classes on Zoom because the studio wasn't paying me and it was just stressful. But I am teaching a Zoom prenatal yoga class on Mondays and that pays ok so I want to continue until as close as possible to baby. It's fairly easy to teach and it's just once a week.
Our backyard is finally coming together, it ended up costing more $$ but at least it will be 100% done. I am ordering a table with chairs and an umbrella today and they are finishing the planter wall later this afternoon. Hoping to have new grass by Mother's day! Speaking of which, I have requested donuts and flowers. I am feeling overall really good and sleeping well, just hungry all the time. Can't believe I have my anatomy scan in 10 days...
@babyodo my son was the first grandkid on each side, so imagine that...our families are also both out of state. My IL are great and weren't that much overbearing, they do buy stuff for him but tend to ask first. They got us a nice stroller and a bunch of other little things. I suggest being open to your MIL and tell her you absolutely want her to spoil baby girl but maybe you guys should look at things together first. Some MIL honestly seem to forget what type of clothing is even practical....
@carrotsandpeas3 glad to hear the test was negative! @coldbrew forgive me if I missed it, any news on yours?
@mckjacks your feelings are totally valid. Like someone else said, I also carried super small with my first and got aaaaaaalllll the comments. I am sure your sister doesn't realize that YOU are the only one who is allowed to call your bump a pooch, lol. I hope you manage to travel, I also am holding out hope for the end of July but my trip is to Europe and I am terrified to get stuck there...
I love A League of Their Own BTW! It reminds me of my childhood, my mom and I watched it about a million times. Gets me hard everytime. And my H loves cheesecake so last week he got some from the store and it was pretty yummy. Although he got chocolate so I wasn't a huge fan. I prefer plain cheesecake or a fruity one!
Alright I think I am done with most of the catching up...people in Cali are protesting to re-open the State and it's been making me ragey, but I won't go into it much.
Oh, I also have a TW...dang....how long was I MIA for? I will do another post with a spoiler because it's pretty sad (it's a friend's story...)
I mentioned my friend in FL found out she was pregnant too, about 6-7 behind me. She has been wanting #2 for a while. Anyways, due to Covid she did not go in for a visit until 10 weeks. When she went, there was no heartbeat apparently there was a chromosomal abnormality and the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. She was obviously pretty devastated especially because she is older and really wants a big family. I was so stunned and did not see it coming. I had a chemical pregnancy years ago and she knows, at the time I was definitely not ready for a kid but it was still super painful. Can't compare to this though. She got a D&C and so far is doing ok. It was nice of her to share that she is still happy about me and wants to hear about my baby but it's obviously hard and I am trying to be respectful. At the time I wanted nothing to do with pregnancies at all. Trying to think of something nice to do for her but I am drawing a blank at the moment if you read this and have thoughts, let me know! Thanks for listening.
@morethanamama good to have you back! Not sure what's up with the bump. It's working fine for me on mobile browser! Yay for your backyard! That will be so nice to have it done for the summer. As far as your friend, I don't know that I have a whole lot of advice other than letting her know you are there for her if she wants to talk about it and checking in to see how she's doing. I have a good friend who is struggling with IF and has her 3rd round of IVF on hold right now (bc of covid) and she told me it was just nice to feel like she could talk about it and not have to keep it hidden since I know.
Re: May Randoms
Now, don't get me wrong, I love and adore my in-laws. I am so thankful to have such amazing in-laws who are warm and kind, because I've seen and heard horror stories of horrendous in-laws, so I know how fortunate I am to have these wonderful people who love me as one of their own.
However, the constant texts about, "I'm buying her this" or "You should sign her up for horseback-riding lessons" or "You should play this cheesy country song for the belly" and "Here's this super-duper girly pink outfit, what do you think?" Like, pump the brakes, please.
I feel like a horrible person for feeling this way, and I don't know how to tell her to please back off, it's just overwhelming that's it's constant 24/7. I'd rather her save their money and let us handle all of that stuff, but I also don't want to squash her excitement, either. It's such a fine line.
Due with baby #2: Feb 2022
I've mostly just been deferring to MH since she's his mom, but it's getting excessive to the point where she's just texting me directly instead of us both in one text. It's a delicate matter, for sure.
And I 100% would have been fine remaining team green (my mom was with all her pregnancies), but MH was all about finding out as soon as possible, so when my OB put me in for a NIPT, his first question was to confirm that we would be finding out the baby's sex with those results. So, I let it ride. Ugh. Big mistake.
ETA: they were the ones who bought our travel system that arrived over the weekend. I thought that would satiate them for a while, but it hasn't. I think partly because it's black & grey, so it's not identifiably girly, which probably made it lose its luster to them, I dunno.
Due with baby #2: Feb 2022
All I can recommend is honest dialogue with her, something that's helped me is to ask myself if I'd want me child subjected to being smothered in attention that made them uncomfortable, would I encourage them to let someone else do whatever they wanted because they're just excited? No, I wouldn't. Boundaries are important, if you want a little more space, tell her that!
Your comfort is worth prioritizing!❤️
That said, I know sometimes an honest conversation or 5 won't make any difference to someone who cares more about themselves and what they want over what you want because that's how my MIL is. Our comfort and preferences for our babies isn't a concept she can understand when her priority is herself and doing what she wants makes her happy, she's not interested in what we want as parents so I refuse to play that game, so she won't be able to know about this baby until closer to October so I have to deal with her as little as possible.
I started watching Married at First Sight (judge away 😂) while I work before DD wakes up/during her "nap" (very bitter she's been resisting naps 99% of the time) and I'm obsessed, lol. I watched season 9 then 10...then went back to 1 and 2 and I don't like the early ones as much. But it's easy to watch and I don't have to pay full attention so it works for me.
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
@carrotsandpeas3 Yyaaaayyyy!!!! 🎉🎉🎉
@calliah Now I want cheesecake. Gonna have to make that happen for mother's day...
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
@JLaVO888 I was wondering where you were! Hope everything is okay!
All the rest of you ladies are making me hungry.
Tentatively, I'll be meeting my parents and traveling by car with them since it's like 14 hour trip and I don't want to fly. I've been quarantined for 2 months and so have they and everyone in their home has been really good about taking precautions because my mom has a compromised immune system. And then once I'm there I plan on spending most of our time outside. Of course, if things start sky rocketing as places open up then the plan will have to be nixed. Their town is much smaller and have not been hit hard by COVID. Eventually we have to start integrating back into society, but I'm still pretty anxious about how things will go in the next few weeks.
I'm not saying you should do this, but it might be a good idea to find someone else to do your maternity pics. Save your sanity.
Due with baby #2: Feb 2022
I did talk to her when she made the first comment, but apparently that didn't make her think about her future comments. She's a great photographer (used to have her own business) and we're trying really hard to save money with there being two. She's, generally speaking, supportive and excited for me and loves babies and pregnancy, but she has her quirks. I talked to my mom and one of our other sisters and I think we're all just chalking it up to some jealousy on her part. She's much older than me and done having babies.
And... like, I can feel my uterus right at my belly button now, so I know I'm getting there, but just not popping yet. So I just feel like I still look fat and not have that cute belly I've been waiting for. And would love to have photos done before I do get really big and don't want to move around (because I know that day is coming with twins).
As I said I am finally be able to breathe a little after pretty much 6 full weeks. I quit teaching fitness classes on Zoom because the studio wasn't paying me and it was just stressful. But I am teaching a Zoom prenatal yoga class on Mondays and that pays ok so I want to continue until as close as possible to baby. It's fairly easy to teach and it's just once a week.
Our backyard is finally coming together, it ended up costing more $$ but at least it will be 100% done. I am ordering a table with chairs and an umbrella today and they are finishing the planter wall later this afternoon. Hoping to have new grass by Mother's day! Speaking of which, I have requested donuts and flowers. I am feeling overall really good and sleeping well, just hungry all the time. Can't believe I have my anatomy scan in 10 days...
@babyodo my son was the first grandkid on each side, so imagine that...our families are also both out of state. My IL are great and weren't that much overbearing, they do buy stuff for him but tend to ask first. They got us a nice stroller and a bunch of other little things. I suggest being open to your MIL and tell her you absolutely want her to spoil baby girl but maybe you guys should look at things together first. Some MIL honestly seem to forget what type of clothing is even practical....
@carrotsandpeas3 glad to hear the test was negative!
@coldbrew forgive me if I missed it, any news on yours?
@mckjacks your feelings are totally valid. Like someone else said, I also carried super small with my first and got aaaaaaalllll the comments. I am sure your sister doesn't realize that YOU are the only one who is allowed to call your bump a pooch, lol. I hope you manage to travel, I also am holding out hope for the end of July but my trip is to Europe and I am terrified to get stuck there...
I love A League of Their Own BTW! It reminds me of my childhood, my mom and I watched it about a million times. Gets me hard everytime. And my H loves cheesecake so last week he got some from the store and it was pretty yummy. Although he got chocolate so I wasn't a huge fan. I prefer plain cheesecake or a fruity one!
Alright I think I am done with most of the catching up...people in Cali are protesting to re-open the State and it's been making me ragey, but I won't go into it much.
Oh, I also have a TW...dang....how long was I MIA for? I will do another post with a spoiler because it's pretty sad (it's a friend's story...)
I mentioned my friend in FL found out she was pregnant too, about 6-7 behind me. She has been wanting #2 for a while. Anyways, due to Covid she did not go in for a visit until 10 weeks. When she went, there was no heartbeat
apparently there was a chromosomal abnormality and the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. She was obviously pretty devastated especially because she is older and really wants a big family. I was so stunned and did not see it coming. I had a chemical pregnancy years ago and she knows, at the time I was definitely not ready for a kid but it was still super painful. Can't compare to this though. She got a D&C and so far is doing ok. It was nice of her to share that she is still happy about me and wants to hear about my baby but it's obviously hard and I am trying to be respectful. At the time I wanted nothing to do with pregnancies at all. Trying to think of something nice to do for her but I am drawing a blank at the moment 
if you read this and have thoughts, let me know! Thanks for listening.